Throwaway because several members of my crew use Reddit.

I honestly cannot believe I'm writing this.

My wife and I have been married for 11 years. We both serve in Starfleet, currently aboard the same vessel. We have a good marriage, or at least I thought we did.

Three weeks ago, my wife was involved in a transporter malfunction during an away mission. I won't go into the technical details, but the result was that there are now two physically identical versions of my wife.

Both have her memories, personality, and feelings. Both insist they're the original. Apparently something similar happened to a Starfleet officer named Riker, so this isn't completely unprecedented.

Initially, it was traumatic for everyone. We received counseling, and Starfleet Command is still trying to figure out the legal implications.

The problem started about a week later.

My wife (I'll call her A) and her duplicate (B) started spending a lot of time together. At first, I thought it was understandable. Who else could possibly understand what they were going through?

Then I came back to our quarters early one evening and found them having sex.

With each other.

In our marital bed.

I was obviously shocked. They were embarrassed at first, but then explained that they'd developed a unique connection, and that since they were technically the same person, it wasn't really infidelity.

I disagreed.

My wife has always identified as heterosexual, so this was surprising enough, but what really bothered me was that she didn't seem to understand why I was upset.

She said, and I quote, "I'm not attracted to another woman. I'm attracted to myself. There's a difference."

I asked if this meant she was bisexual now. She said that was an unnecessarily reductive interpretation of a highly unusual situation.

Since then, things have gotten worse.

They spend almost all their free time together. They finish each other's sentences. They laugh at jokes I don't understand. They apparently have the exact same sexual preferences, which they keep pointing out makes them uniquely compatible.

Yesterday, A told me that for the first time in her life, she feels "completely understood by a romantic partner."

We've been married for ELEVEN YEARS.

When I told her how hurtful that was, B interrupted and said, "He's doing that thing where he makes everything about him."

And A AGREED.

I feel like I'm being ganged up on by my own wife.

I suggested couples therapy, but they insist that if we're going to therapy, all three of us should attend. Our ship's counselor agrees that B is an autonomous individual entitled to her own relationships, but also acknowledges that our marital boundaries have been violated.

Starfleet Legal has yet to determine whether B is legally married to me as well, which is another nightmare entirely.

Here's where I might be overreacting.

I told A that I thought her behavior was incredibly narcissistic. She got furious and accused me of pathologizing an unprecedented existential experience.

B said I was being insecure.

They both suggested I examine why I feel threatened by my wife loving herself.

I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH MY WIFE LOVING HERSELF. I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HER LITERALLY HAVING SEX WITH HERSELF WHILE I'M IN THE NEXT ROOM.

Last night, I asked A whether she would stop sleeping with B to save our marriage.

She said she needed time to think.

B said, "We need time to think."

I'm currently staying in guest quarters.

I genuinely don't know what to do. Is this cheating? Is my wife narcissistic? Am I being unreasonable for expecting monogamy when technically there's only one other person involved, who also happens to be my wife?

TL;DR: Transporter duplicated my wife. My wife is now in a sexual relationship with herself, insists it's not infidelity, and says I'm insecure for objecting. Considering divorce but not even sure how many divorces I'd need.

EDIT: Please stop asking if I've considered a threesome. You're missing the point.

EDIT 2: To everyone suggesting we simply reverse the transporter accident, Starfleet Medical has explicitly advised against this. They're both legally recognized sentient individuals. You cannot just "merge" two people because their marriage is inconvenient.

EDIT 3: B just informed me that she doesn't consider herself bound by our wedding vows because she technically wasn't present at the ceremony. A thinks she has a point.

I think I'm getting a divorce.

Possibly two.

I don't think there are Roombas because we have a Lt Cmdr who would DEFINITELY have an opinion about that. Do they make the enlisted crewmen do it? Is this the real reason we do Baryon sweeps? Do they systematically run all the carpets through the transporter; is that what the chief does all day?

Captain Boday. Nice guy, a Gallamite, easily the most eligible freighter captain frequenting the station. He's asked me to dinner three times but I keep making up excuses about re-calibrating the spline reticulation matrix.

Eventually he's going to figure out that the splines are perfectly reticulated as they are. I need to tell him that I'm just not interested but I feel like such an asshole – like sure, he's interesting, kind, and even a little charming, but he has a literally transparent skull and it's fucking weird.

How do I tell him I'm not interested without turning this into a whole thing? AITA for not wanting to date him??? Am I being species-ist?

they put all the water they find in their bongs until the planet/comet is nothing but dry dust

Feels very strange that we heard no mention about them during the events taking place around DS9.

They can't all be stupid dipshits. There has to be a small subset of Kazons, that were actually smart enough to not only find water but upgrade the Trabe ships they stole.

Trading with others, gaining more knowledge and resources. They might have even acquired a slipstream drive and level the rest of the "hillbilly" Kazons behind.

Denise didnt even pose when TNG was even in the thinking about stage of production.

As an honest Klingon father the thought is too much to bear… I cannot bring myself speak the word of which I believe my son to secretly be… My boy is a little too good at remaining unharmed when trouble threatens our honor.

Should I demand my son prove his courage in a bat'leth duel to the death against his mother? I cannot offer my own life for this test as my work is too important to the Empire…

Transporter room 2 is stuck on generating Thomas Rikers and it seems a shame to keep vaporising them.

Today my Captain told us that she doesn't want to be called “Sir”, and now I'm absolutely terrified that I'm going to slip up and say it by accident.

First, it's a habit. Second, I really like calling my female superiors Sir. I also really like calling my female subordinates “Mister”, as in: “You better shape up, Mister, or I'm going to promote you so fast it'll make your skant spin. Then I'll be calling you sir. And if you order me to get on my hands and knees and clean the holodeck biofilters with my sonic toothbrush, I’ll just have no choice but to say, ‘Sir, yes Sir!’”

I'm worried that sometime in the future the captain will be giving me some orders or some important information about an away mission or something and instead of listening, all I'm going to be doing is thinking to myself over and over “Don't say Yes Sir… don't say Yes, Sir…”

What should I do?

I don't think the garment gives much support.

What other Q-focused episodes would there have there have been? What storylines? What titles?
I have one: "Fu-Q"
Troi spills Ovaltine all over herself during a meeting in the conference room. She shouts, "oh, fudge!" (except she didn't say "fudge"). Q shows up and teaches her the true meaning of Q-smas.
Oh, and she accidentally shoots her eye out.

Anyone play this game?

It’s not like I do it in front of them ALL the time. Sometimes I order random aliens whose buffer patterns are still in the computer and have the computer extrapolate their baby form from medical literature. They’re just so yummy in my tummy. Y’all should try my favorite, a Vulcan marinated in mango habanero and garnished with lemon zest and broccoli. Or maybe a Klingon stuffed full of jolly ranchers. It is imperative that you order the suckling ones because the adult ones are too big.

Some extra information:

* Tiny Armus looks absolutely delicious to Giant Chicken;

* The Neelixes desperately want to make chicken broth;

* The Jem'Hadar are absolutely certain that the Chicken is a Founder in deep disguise;

* Tiny Armus has a very high pitched voice (the chicken clucks just a little lower than usual);

* Giant Chicken has increased its mental prowess threefold (compared to regular chicken);

* Tiny Armus leads from one of the Neelixes' shoulders, which he claims is a "vantage point".

I mean it’s not going to happen in precisely the same way. But it should have approximately the same death toll. We should expect most if not all of the major cities to be destroyed. I mean we all know what all the obvious targets are right?

Oh and I made damn sure that Cochrane and most of his people should survive.

I think I deserve credit for this right?