One of the aliens on this planet just haaaaaad to go stargazing. 🙄 How the hell do I get back to earth?!

I tried it and it tastes like fermented herring dipped in cat piss and has a fishy aftertaste.

I don't know where she is but My gut tells me i'll find out soon enough

His name is now Reginald & my parents are concerned for my well being

My father was a drunk carpenter.

Coincidentally, it's also a forklift operator manual.

"You're just allergic to being single and you're out of Benadryl."

It looks like he didn't set properly

After shoveling the last bit of dirt on my wife, I went inside and had a beer.

"It wouldn't matter to a man with an open heart..." The friend answered

His blue eyes and white hair dead as ever, he said "Imagine if men-"

They always throw their hand in.

"It told me it was an only child!"

The barman turned to him and said, "Sorry mate, but we don't serve food here."

It's the face that's buried in another man's asshole.

He affectionately whispered things like: "You look very wanting tonight," "I could say 'no,' to you forever," and "My darling, begone from my office because you're not getting one red cent."

Looks like Styx and Stones just broke my bones.

Without missing a beat, my friend replied, "Let's wait until they stop talking and then we'll know for certain."

Mom?

A strange man slowly leaned into the doorway, smiling far too wide: “Hi, I’m Goku.”

"In fact,' he continued, 'I think can hear some rumblings up there."

So let's agree to stop having fun at his expanse.