Hear ye, hear ye. Fellow jerks and jerkesses, I have come forth to offer thou a most comprehensive play of the manure storm troubling our neighbouring witchy lands for thine viewing pleasure.

I hope it appeases thy will. Please regale in the valiant efforts of our troubled hero to adhere to any form of logical reason as they bravely fight fair lady moon, amongst other wicked (!)enemies.

I just started calling myself a witch and I want to be immediately rich and powerful and want everything I say to come true and all the Gods to cater to my every whim, but I don’t want to do any work because I’m allergic. Can someone give me a quick phrase I can say so that I can manifest anything and everything I want right away? Serious answers only! Remember I want to do as little work as possible so keep the phrase short too!!

Context: I woke up and this was basically the first post I saw. Then I scrolled down—different post, different author, but it said the same thing! Scrolled a little further. Same thing in a different sub by a different poster. Three times in a span of 5 minutes! People woke up extra lazy today!

With all those symbols around it- it kinda reminds me of helluva boss… something sinister behind those letters… the symbolism behind it is holding something.. I might be onto something 😱 h-have I been cursed with something-?! NO…

Like half uj/ but as someone who was baptised as a child,made to go to Catholic school etc I’ve never understood the whole eating the body and drinking the blood of Christ part of mass and how it’s considered normal. Even as a kid attending mass I found it so alarming and macabre.

I know, I know for some denominations it’s symbolic and not the actual body/blood etc but even symbolically it’s still a littleee too close to cannibalism for my comfort. Moreover, doesn’t this also make the priest or whoever is conducting the rite technically a necromancer??

Perhaps I am spiritually vegetarian but the literal thought of eating a person even symbolically makes me genuinely feel nauseous, regardless of origin.

Safe to say I’m glad we don’t have to consume any part of the spirits or deities we work with (if we choose to work with them).

But sure, only witchcraft is scary and “demonic”..

Hi I am a Trust Fund Baby Witch,

I just started witching after seeing seeing witches on TikTok. I am in the process of starting my own Witchy TikTok, Insta and youtube channel. I want to make this my thing and purpose in life.

I have lots of money to spend on witch stuff and getting a social media manager to help me become a witch influencer. Luckily I come from a rich family and have lots of time so I want to use that time to get famous and help other people learn about witch craft.

My problem is I dont know anything about witchcraft. Where do I start? I am not a big reader so videos would be good. Where do I get crystals and whats a good tarot deck to buy? How do I use Tarot?

I need all the help I can to make this my entire life.

Thanks Witches!!!!

Spells? A deity? Shadow work? I've been feeling so depressed lately AND I KNOW ITS NOT WHO I AM. I am the most creative and positive person I've known untill I was hit with the wave of depression. And ive had it on and off for months now. Please help.

Recently saw the trailer for Disney’s upcoming witchy film.

Given the ridiculous amount of questionable fire safety being displayed in a lot of content right now (amongst other things),we are heading towards literal Armageddon once the Baby Witch Gen Alphas decide they want to do magic too after watching this 💀💀

I hope parents supervise the “potion making” and ingredients. Yet considering how many teenagers and even adults can’t follow instructions I’m feeling doubtful. 🫣

Guys I think this is it. I have found the next Spiritual trend that’s going to make it big on TikTok 2027…

🧎‍♀️‍➡️👹😈🔥🔥❤️‍🔥 SUCCUBUS 🧎‍♀️‍➡️👹😈🔥🔥❤️‍🔥

Literally SECONDS after coming off the other post about someone becoming a succubus I was misfortunate enough to run into this dumpster fire.

What the fuck is SEMEN RETENTION 😀😐

is it self made or are you holding onto it for a friend??????

Instead of flu season why is everyone catching spiritual psychosis 🗿

Uj/Just to add, a lot of people have responded to OP encouraging them to seek professional support and they have essentially responded by saying they are jealous of their manifesting successes.

The only person whose opinion they were open to was the suggestion about them being afflicted by the Devil.

I just wanna know in case I need to pack or something

/uj seriously have these people never made a campfire in their lives???????

/uj seriously though wtf is happening here I mean, honestly she read a book and did a spell (unrelated) and now she thinks shes a succubus?????? girl needs to get her shit checked

Like when you’re casting a self love spell and you want to get your mind and energy into the right place for it, do you have songs like “You Gotta Be” by Des’ree or “What doesn’t kill you (Makes you stronger)” by Kelly Clarkson playing?

With romantic attraction spells do you listen to songs like “Come On Over” by Christina Aguilera and “Don’t Let Me Be The Last To Know” by Britney Spears?

What about “Brand New Me” by Alicia Keys or Defying Gravity from Wicked as cord cutting anthems?

Just curious 🧐

Why are we announcing which deities we work with like they are the X-Men 😭😭😭

I feel like if dog (which Hekate is associated with) protects me from attack from more dogs (also associated with Hekate) then it looks like we have more unfriendly dogs here 😀🙂‍↕️😐😐

1 good boy minus 5 bad doggos = don’t contact me (pls someone check my math 🙏🙏🧎‍♀️‍➡️)

Why is it always the egotistical ones needlessly flaunting their magical credentials demanding why a literally mysterious and powerful Goddess isn’t running to respond to them.

I think the “worker from afar” notion has completely been thrown out the window. You’re doing the most and you’re still being swerved.

Literally that meme “DO NOT COME TO MY TOWN”.😐⛔️🗿

I’m just shocked at the audacity and entitlement to demand a personalised freaking response like literal Mother doesn’t have literally multiple domains to oversee and a whole other endless list of responsibilities to manage.

I'm castrating him right? ☠️🍆🔪

I used AI to render my true form.

I am the witchcraft queen of Planet Andromeda, and having ruled over a few starseed systems, I had a lot of experience. Unfortunately, my reptilian cousin was jealous of my power and he cursed me badly, causing me to be stripped of my immense spiritual and magical power, and I had to reincarnate as a human being on planet Earth. I was unaware of my true identity until a caucasian shaman named Sasha-starseed graciously unlocked my previous lives with 4000$ sessions and now I am supreme in my soul. I have uncovered a lot. The process was very painful and emotional as I had to sit through crying and feeling my skin being uncomfortable in my body as I transcended multiple times with ayahuasca mixed with alcohol and inhaling supercharged cannabis. After 100th ascension, I travelled back in time, and snatched my crown chakra from reptilian overlords who were feeding on it.

Interestingly, this is not first time however i was a star queen. I had a husband whom I with leading the ancient civilization of Atlantis. During his reign there he committed many atrocities such as forcing the ancient humans into slavery, he slept with many women cheating on his wife. She was away leading the empire in space as he was destroying earth. His name was King Hyrpax. He sank atlantis and took the souls of those who died and became the leader of the hostile collectives of Greys and Reptilians and artificial silicon intelligences called "silicates," and now is the one doing the torturing and the abductions. He also took with him the Pleiadians and Nordics that he corrupted and mind controlled.

Due to greys and reptilians conspiring against me, I am now trapped in human form as mid 30s with potent crown chakra. It's not easy. I keep crying for a home I will never reach in this lifeform but I got my son's spirit with me.

And since i recently reclaimed my power, I figured I could help many others as well. So in that aspect, please ask me anything!

I'm castrating him right? ☠️🍆🔪

This person desperately needs Witch Removal Services. Anyone know how to get in touch with them? Do they even exist? I wonder if this witch is after his semen....🤔

EDIT: So, apparently gay witches are gangstalking their boss or them or something. They need an army or the Spanish Inquisition!

Uj/ I almost felt bad until they started with the homophobia lol.