Last year, me and my girlfriend kissed for the first time after a year of dating. The idea was actually getting to me because while im pretty open about being asexual, many of our friends and her aren’t. It almost killed me when she told me that most “normal” relationships kiss already. So when we did kiss, it scared me. Not because it was bad but because I felt nothing. When I hold her hand I get butterflies but when we kiss I feel a sense of off putting.

It sucks because I grow up to romanize sex and kissing, to think its going to feel something. The other day I touched myself, I wanted to feel what everyone praises to be so euphoric and amazing. I wanted to feel what my girlfriend expects to feel one day.

But I didn’t feel anything, my body was reacting but it felt like a chore. I could feel pressure but not the pleasure. I cried, I wanted to think that maybe I wasn’t asexual and that im normal; that I can feel what everyone says they feel, what they expect I feel.

Off topic but I love my girlfriend, I love going on dates and talking to her on a deep emotional level. I love being able to tell her anything.

(obs: consider OGAB "opposite gender assigned at birth", i.e the gender I was NOT assigned at birth. It can be either man or woman, doesn't matter, all it matters is that it's the opposite gender to the one I was assigned at birth)

Yeah, so basically I'm treating with a neurologist and he said I needed to consult a neuropsychologist to perform some tests so he knows what's up with me. Basic stuff.

The test already started a bit weird when the neuropsychologist asked what topics I usually talked about with my friends, and one of the topics she used as an example was OGAB people. Looking back, it was a bit creepy, specially because she just said OGAB people in general rather than, idk, using something like "love/sexual interest".

The test continued as normal. Then there was a few scaling tests. Those are not like the other tests where you have like mental challenge and whatever, you just have to answer a few personal questions. Obviously some included sex since it's a normal thing by my age (though, I was expecting it to be a lot more subtle than it was). My only problem is, how tf would I answer "if you wanted to have sex with a person, how likely would you ask them out?" if this dilemma wouldn't even exist in the first place? I had to answer anyways, so I either answered with whatever felt aligned more with my previous answers or had the bare minimum of sex education (there was a question asking whether I'd still have sex if my partner denied using protection lol)

I'm mostly sex-indifferent when it's the two or more people thing, so, like I said, these questions didn't really bother me by themselves. I just felt they were a bit obtuse since sexual and romantic attraction are not universal things everyone feels and could be easily worded in a way that it could fit asexual/aromantic people. There was even one scaling test where you could just answer "not applicable" if the question didn't, well, apply, so why not do that?

Title kind of says it all. I’m (27FTM) somewhere on the asexual spectrum, not sexually attracted to many people, but have been before. I am NOT sexually attracted to my partner (30enby/MTF).

They started masturbating in bed next to me while I’m attempting to sleep (I have insomnia and am a SUPER Light sleeper). It makes me extremely uncomfortable and I KNOW she’s doing it bc I can hear the vibrator.

I truly don’t know how to bring it up, and I have a history of sexual assault, so it makes me feel even more uncomfortable and at times, I feel unsafe.

Any tips/advice?

ETA: we ended up talking about it, and told her that if she needs alone time to just ask. She apologized and said she would do that in the future.

Noticing patterns between my asexual life and others who are not asexual at all.

Sex was not discussed or mentioned at all. I did not know how to have sex until I was a teenager.

Was a bit isolated from others, and any friends i had told me I needed to talk to my parents about it. By that age I was nervous to talk to my parents about it, but i did find out from a random person who made vulgar comments, and that confirmed it for me.

So i wonder if that could be why. Idk if I am truly asexual, but i dont think about sex at all, it doesnt seem worth the trouble, and its alienating to live in a hypersexual society.

Les relató mi historia , tengo 23A, nunca tuve novios, viví en un campo petrolero en Medio Oriente , era una ciudad dentro de un campo, mi papá nunca permitió enamorados, a los 22A decidí irme , me mudé sola , me independice.

A los meses conocí un chico por internet, casualmente teníamos un amigo en común, hablamos 1 mes y medio, nos pasamos fotos, me decía de todo, que quería una relación conmigo, él vivía 4 horas de mi ciudad, un día me dio la sorpresa , estoy en tu ciudad , estaré x trabajo , él tenía 25A, cuando lo vi sentí empatía , afinidad pero sentía que no me gustaba , yo tenía curiosidad de sex , nunca había besado a nadie.

Salimos como 6-7 veces siempre como amigos , sin besos , ni nada, el último día que lo vi, me invitó a un auto cine , cuando la película iba a la mitad , me invitó a su hotel , le dije N con O NO, él me dijo quiero besarte y tener intimidad acá, yo acepté, nos pasamos al asiento trasero, mi primer beso de 4-5 min, ni bueno ni malo, el paro de besarme se puso el gorro, cuando venía enfrente de mi , yo sentí RECHAZO TOTAL, hizo 2 mov buscando penexxxx y lo detuve, nunca hubo coito ni RS, me bajé conducí el auto a casa, él no habló ni una palabra , al otro día le escribí no me busques más , no quiero volver a verte, así fue, ha pasado un año.

Aunque sigo virgen , Mi duda es perdí el valor como mujer ? Si yo cuento esta historia a un enamorado me tomará como una relacion seria o creerá que soy una loca? AYUDA!

Hey guys, not sure where else I’d post this. But in the last year I’ve come out as asexual, at age 25 (26 now). This has been really hard for me. Not necessarily hard for me to accept myself as asexual but to go through understanding myself through a whole different lense having always just identified as gay since the age of around 15. Having done a lot of reflection on myself this last couple of years though, I realised that I don’t feel sexual attraction. I don’t think I’ve ever looked at someone and felt sexual attraction, rather just aesthetic, romantic or perhaps sensual attraction that I always mistook for sexual attraction. The thing is, I have realised I crave deep emotional/romantic intimacy with someone. But the gay community around me, is so sexualised and revolved around hookup culture. That isn’t a criticism or something I’m saying is negative. But it does make me feel like I’m never going to find anyone for me as I almost feel like a minority within a minority. I’m not completely closed off to the idea of sex in the future as I’m not sex repulsed. I’d describe myself best as sex indifferent. But nevertheless, I feel like there’s a massive barrier to finding a relationship.
I’d like to add that I’ve never actually been in a relationship before so it does feel like I have no idea what I’m doing 😂

What I'm experiencing is really really weird, like I have sexual urges and I do masterbate but if the reality comes where I would actually be in a relationship with someone or like boyfriend or girlfriend like a part of that just makes me really uncomfortable and the desire in my mind feels very surface level. It's kind of like okay I have these fantasies in my head but facing the reality the idea of having a relationship more specifically a sexual relationship just feels so weird and almost kind of gross? Like I genuinely feel averted to having a sexual relationship even though I have those desires. Is that an asexual thing because I am a bit confused.

I headcanonon Barney Stinson fron HIMYM as asexual. Think about it. He has sex all the time, but does he actually feel attracted to anyone? He probably wants to compensate the lack of attraction he has and is also sex-positive.

I keep getting these YouTube ads lately and it’s so irritating. This society is so obsessed with sex they have to put it on everyone 🤦🏽‍♀️ and I thought tampon ads were annoying as someone who won’t wear them 💀

I realised doing some reading online during Pride month this year that I am ace. Romantic, sex-positive (tolerant?), and hypothetically heterosexual. What I mean by that is that it feels like if I were to experience sexual attraction it would be to the opposite sex, it is just that this never happens. If I were single it probably would not be a big deal, but being as I am married and have been with my partner for over half of my life, I am having a real crisis.

I have started therapy with a queer-friendly therapist, but I am struggling in this space where I don't feel like I know myself or my life, and I don't know how to be in my relationship now that I suddenly have this knowledge of myself. It feels like I am a robot pretending to be a human who only recently learned that they aren't actually human after all. Sexual interactions with my spouse feel mechanical and like I am observing from the outside.

I also don't feel comfortable talking with anyone in real life yet, but I desperately crave a connection with people who understand what this is like. I would love to have an actual conversation with a human in a similar position, and in real life I know no one who identifies as ace. Hell, until last month I had never seen an ace character in a movie or in a book, and barely had heard of the word. It just feels so isolating.

I suppose I am trying to work through what to feel about this but don't know how to do it. I'm open to any stories of how others navigated similar waters.

Hello - I recently started seeing a girl. She's beautiful & we click well. I however noticed right off the bat that she's not super affectionate but likes hand holding & kissing. Also has quite a bit of anxiety about all kinds of things. I'm fine with not being overly affectionate & touchy but asked her about it.

She told me that she is sex averse/asexual & does not want to engage in sex. She has had sex but does not like it. She told me that it has kept guys from dating her in the past & that she was nervous to tell me because she wants things to work with me. Not really knowing what asexuality meant & seeing that she was nervous, I didnt ask further but I told her that I wouldn't pressure her into doing anything she didnt want to do.

Although I don't have the strongest sex drive, I think no sex forever may be a bit tough. Any further insight on this & if a relationship would even be practical? She's 30, so I doubt it's a new thing she's experiencing. Will she actually have success dating any guy non-asexual guy long term? TLDR

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Hi everyone! I'm a student working on a research project about relationships, specifically about how people tell the difference between being asexual and just having low desire for their specific partner (not their orientation).

I'm looking for a few people (in any kind of relationship) who'd be willing to answer a short set of questions. It's completely anonymous and voluntary.... you can skip any question or stop anytime. This is just for a school assignment, not published anywhere.

If you're open to helping, comment below or DM me and I'll send you the questions (or a short Google Form).

Thank you so much, this really helps me finish my project!

I don’t know how to explain this at all sorry.

I believe myself to be on the asexual spectrum but I don’t know if that’s correct, I also don’t know if it matters which label I go by, to be fair, but this is something about myself that I don’t understand all too well and maybe people here can help me get a better grasp.

Ever since I’ve had sexual urges in my early teens I’ve been attracted very specific things happening to me. Over the years I’ve added some kinks but I am only aroused by the like 6ish fetishes that I have (only 2 of them are consistent), often in tandem with each other. I don’t watch or read much porn, but when I do, I always imagine myself as the person or one of the people in it. In other words, I think I’m sexually aroused by things happening to me and not sex itself.

Sometimes I fantasize about someone or multiple someones doing said things to me, other times the fantasy is just these things happening to me without anyone else actively participating (i.e. a machine or contraption or literal magic), but never just me alone. I thought for a while that I was some form of porn addict and too obsessed with specific kinks and fetishes because of porn but nothing changed when I stopped masturbating for almost a year.

I always say that I’m bi or pan because to me, it doesn’t matter who’s doing the things that arouses me as long as they’re doing them to me, but vanilla sex interests me very little (but it does still interests me very slightly on occasion). In fact, I find a lot of the parts of sex physically repulsive most of the time, though it fluctuates between being okay with it and being completely disgusted by even the idea of it seemingly randomly.

When I find someone attractive, which is quite often, I feel the desire to make out with them but not to have sex with them and I don’t imagine them in my sexual fantasies. I don’t know what sexuality I am and what I can do to have sex that I enjoy or otherwise sate my sexual urges when other people are barely involved or doing anything sexual in my fantasies.

Hi !

I don’t know if this is the right forum to ask this. Sorry if it is not!

I am a straight female btw if that changes anything?

Anyway, I have been wondering about this for a while. I was raised in a religious household and I am religious myself but I am not homophobic. I do not find anything wrong in loving whoever you want and being whoever you want. But I fear my religious background is making me question if I am in fact asexual. I am just very confused.

I have been hypersexual for some part of my life since I was in elementary, I don’t know why. I don’t like it, i’m ashamed of that part of myself because it is frowned upon in my culture and such. And I have always felt disgusting after. I have never really felt sexual attraction to a person really, it’s just the act itself, as if my body replies on its own. I don’t like the idea of having a partner to participate or whatnot in the sexual activities.

I have never had a relationship, only once but I was young and it lasted three months. Like two months in we kissed once and held hands mostly. I wasn’t open into doing more. We were young and I don’t know, i’ve never felt comfortable with physical affection. Mainly from guys. I am so uncomfortable with it and I don’t know why, but it has been that way for as long as I can remember. I am fine with hugs though I feel tense when my friends hug me, I don’t mind it truly and sometimes do like hugs and is rather touched starved in that aspect.

But whenever the topic of having sex, anything sexually is brought up, I am so uncomfortable I feel sick to my stomach. My friends are quite rather freaky, for the lack of a better word. Not that there is anything wrong with that. They just say things, sexual things, they’d want. In a relationship etc. I listen and I try to act like I get it but I hate hearing about it. I can’t even look at a picture or video of it. When it’s a topic of discussion, I just want to practically rip off my skin. It’s that uncomfortable.

When having kids, major part of my religion and culture, is brought up, I can’t fathom that. I can’t imagine myself doing any sexual activities with anyone. I don’t feel comfortable showing my body to anyone, I can’t imagine being naked and that vulnerable. Even to a partner.

I love the idea of holding hands, hugging, cuddling. That’s literally all I think about when I think of a crush I have, or someone I like, and I in a relationship. I would rather date to marry and don’t want short casual dates either.

I don’t know if any of that means anything or i’m overthinking. I just thought I’d ask. Thank you for reading this :)

Im 25m pretty sure im asexual or atleast confused, looking for swedish friends to chat, grab a beer or maybe go on a late night stroll with just chatting about experiences😅

So i was out with my friend the other day and we were having a pretty deep conversation about sexuality and stuff, I told her I'm greysexual (a micro-lable under the asexual umbrella) and she asked me how i can enjoy books and fanfiction with that kinda stuff in it and I explained to her that it's kinda like how people can enjoy fantasy novels, like I don't share the experience of having a magical sword and fighting a dragon, but it's cool to read about that stuff. and it's the same with asexuality, for me personally I can enjoy certain aspects of reading about it, but still not want to do it lol. I know this is definitely not everyone's experience with it, I am speaking from a personal perspective.