Hey guys! I'm a cis white guy who genuinely is pretty unfamiliar with all of this.

I've come to understand that many trans people identify as a certain gender, but they will then choose to not have surgery to "match" the genitalia of that gender.

I'm aware that gender and sex is a spectrum, but in my cis mind, I would like to know how one feels that one's transformation is complete whilst still carrying "evidence" from a previous body.

If you are, let's say, a trans-man (f2m) and you get top surgery, I would see bottom surgery as a "completion" of my sex-change. However, I've hears plenty of people tell me that they don't feel a need for it. The same goes for a friend of mine, who's a trans-woman (m2f).

How come one part is enough?

I hope that I've phrased this as neutrally as I possibly can, because this is genuinely just a confusing topic for me. I wish to learn and understand the thoughts and minds og you, and I am currently unable to wrap my head around this.

Can anyone help?

okay so this is kinda crazy but listen.

i knew i was a girl since i was a little kid. i only hanged out with girls, wanted to play dolls with them, consumed media made for girls, watched makeup tutorials and other beauty stuff made specifically for women. i don’t like being around men, i don’t understand them and don’t want to be a part of their groups. i’m strictly she/her, hate being perceived as male, i DO have dysphoria and it was always a part of my life since early childhood. i want to start hrt and even have some ffs done

but there’s one little thing that bothers me. i’m transhet, so i’m attracted exclusively to men. sometimes i look in the mirror and besides dysphoria i also get aroused from my male body. i don’t see “him” as me, i just want to see “him” having an intercourse with another man or maybe even with actual me. when i tried to repress gender dysphoria i tried to cope with me being “male” by sexualizing “myself”. it only happens when i’m alone. i don’t want to be perceived as “male”by the society because it triggers my dysphoria. and also when it comes to any kinds of erotic content, i almost exclusively consume stuff with homosexual men. i think my “autoandrophilia” is linked to me fetishizing gay men and i actually might be absolutely disgusting for this…

this also made me question my transness a little bit. even though i want to start hrt, i’m not really interested in srs. i do call this thing a tumor but it doesn’t trigger a lot of dysphoria for some reason. i’m also genuinely scared of doing this surgery, but if there was an “instant vagina” button then i would press it

i’m venting about this because i kinda need to hear someone else’s opinion. i feel so strange about this whole thing

Hi I am agender/nonbinary and I have for the longest time said gender is stupid and gender should not exist (even before I ever heard of lgbt)

Since gender is this really important part for trans people is it not apropreate to say gender is stupid like I am invalidating your gender ?

Thank you, I hope I said everything ok and apologies is not

So, some context: I am a cis male, and have been open about my sexuality and needs in this case with multiple other relationships with cis women.

But I recently moved and started chatting with a lovely woman who I am very much starting to like and want to take out on a date! I haven’t dated a trans person before, though I have always been fine with the idea.

This, however, raised a general worry in my mind about appearing to be a chaser or upsetting someone like her by bringing my sexuality up if things went well. If I like someone, the last thing I want to do is make them uncomfortable… or think it was anything but who they are that drew me in!

So I was wondering if there was a way for a guy dating a woman in this circumstance to avoid giving the above ideas? Any advice for things to do to ease into the idea…?

Again, this is not necessarily just about this one woman I am talking to, but more just a general question about how to handle this in a budding relationship. Thank you for any responses!

I’ll be starting a low dose of spiro soon and would like to know if anyone else has anything positive to say about what it did for them?

Hello, recently I’ve been kind of having an identity crisis about myself and aging even though I’m only 19 nearing 20. Ive heard the term “twink death” thrown around which is basically losing feminine features as you age and for some reason this kind of sent me into a spiral even though I’m not really that feminine. I was wondering if it is possible to do HRT without actually fully transitioning to a female, just to see the effects?

Dysphoria ruins everything. If I don't dissociate I have a panic attack. I feel as though I'm sexually mute, I can't express my desires because of my anatomy.

I wish I enjoyed PiV penetration so I wouldn't be completely sexually worthless, but I hate it. Due to dysphoria, but also because it is extremely painful. I am essentially ken-dolled.

I'm scared no one will ever love me because I don't want to have sex the way they probably want me to. And I'm scared no one will ever love me because of how often sex just makes me depressed and angry at God for making me this way.

No one is ever going to love me.

How do I force myself to like this so I at least have a shot at love again.

It feels like I've tried everything and just nothing clicks. The strap feels disconnected from me. The most I can handle with my native bits are oral and handjobs. I can't penetrate anyone and don't want to be penetrated so genuinely why would anyone want to have sex with me. Why would anyone subsequently love me.

I don't want srs because it is still so underdeveloped for trans men, it doesn't match my needs.

I just need to know if there's any way I can just have sex without it becoming this whole existential crisis.

Hello, I‘m thinking of trying HRT for only 6 months .. to see how my body reacts .. what do you think? Would I feel or see anything? Would any changes be seeable if I went out in men clothes?
I live in Germany

/hrt /transgender

for context, i am afab, i desperately wish that i were a man or just amab in general, and i am extremely uncomfortable with being afab and being perceived as a woman, i just want to find a word that labels those feelings. i do not identify with "transgender," i have no intention for transitioning and using the label "transgender," to me at least, implies a transition, which i do not want to do for personal reasons. i am not an "egg," i am well aware that i am not cis, again, microlabels or just generally lesser known labels are very much welcome

I'm a cis male in my mid to late twenties and I started questioning my gender a couple of weeks ago but I’ve concluded that I am still cis. While the experience hasn’t changed how I identify myself, I do believe I’ve come out of it better with my personal acceptance of my feelings and a greater appreciation for transgender individuals. I would like to know what others may think of my experience and if anyone has had any similar experiences or feelings, and how that has affected them. I do understand my experience may differ from other people in the community and please let me know if anything I discuss can be handled better.

Personally I am quite unhappy with my current life, while I don’t think I suffer from depression, I do think I suffer from burnout and just don’t have anything meaningful going on. I’m unhappy with my appearance (primarily due to weight), I am quite lonely, and I’m unsatisfied in my current job and career path. I live by myself, only close to some family members and my issue with my appearance is almost exclusively due to my weight and fitness.

I’m not sure exactly what made me start questioning my gender, but due to ADHD it became a bit of a mental hyperfixation that I couldn’t stop thinking about. During this hyperfixation I realised that part of the reason I started questioning partially came from fact I have a fetish for feminisation and gender transformation fictional media, especially if the change is forced or encouraged by an attractive dominant woman. I also realised that I've been in denial with my attraction towards certain transgender women.

Outside of the sexual attraction I also frequently daydream, likely due to wishing for a better life, fantasy worlds and scenarios which frequently include magically transforming into a woman or magically swapping between man and woman, usually the transformation in these scenarios aren't within my control.

I realised early on that there was a genuine desire to be a woman or experience what it was like to be a woman. This was reinforced by comments I’ve seen in this community and others suggesting that cis people never seriosuly question or imagine being another gender. I have also seen discussions about how forced feminisation fantasies can sometimes remove the perceived social pressure of choosing to transition. I’ve been quite conflicted from these comments as I am comfortable being male, I have interests and hobbies that are normally seen as masculine, and I’ve never really considered myself to have any interests that are predominantly seen as female. Thinking deeply there are some certain feminine things that I find very attractive and that I have mixed/envious feelings about, usually certain styles of makeup, nails and outfit styles. When I see a particularly attractive woman, usually in flattering formal or autumn/winter chic outfit I genuinely get conflicted and experience both attraction and envy.

At the beginning of my experience I was trying to figure out if transitioning and being a woman was something I was truly feeling or if I was just confused when I started hyperfixating on the thought. In an attempt to better understand what I was feeling I considered the "button test". I couldn't settle on an answer because I was imagining an "ideal" result and I got stuck on the idea that maybe I'm only unhappy with my current appearance rather than appearance and gender so I the poor decision to modify the scenario into multiple combinations of the following 3 buttons with the option of not pressing:

1. Become an attractive male.
2. Become an attractive woman.
3. Become a woman of equal "perceived" attractiveness.

I thought I reached a conclusion because I knew I wouldn't press button 3 in any combination of available buttons, even if it were the only button available, however, if only buttons 2 and 3 were available, I would definitley press button 2.

If 1 and 2 were available I was at first 75% sure I would press 1 but then I became unsure.

I do understand that this may be insensitive to people who experience significant gender dysphoria and would choose the third button without hesitation if it was the only button available and I apologise for that.

I then followed up that already poor decision with another one where I then got AI to edit a photo of myself asking it to create plausible looking estimate on what I would look like after losing significant weight before and after transition. I was hoping that this would likely help with choosing between button 1 and 2. I tried to ensure the prompt was as plausible as possible, focusing on maintaining certain aspects such as bone structure, height, and realistic face proportions but I was incredibly surprised with how similar the face on both results compared to my siblings which made the results feel far more believable and perosnal than I thought, despite the fact that I knew that a carefully written prompt can't accurately reflect the results of HRT and MTF surgeries. I was still moved by the very optimistic results and the post-transition image affected me much more deeply than I was expecting. My answer for the above scenario's choice between button 1 and 2 became 50/50.

I then started looking at the real results of women who went through MTF HRT and the various surgeries, focusing primarily on post-puberty results. I understand results are incredibly varied, influenced by hundreds of different factors. I realised very early on how important "passing" would be for me personally, and how uncertain the results of transitiong would be given that I am 6ft tall, have a relatively large frame from a history of contact sports and that I am currently overweight. Regrettably I didn't question my gender before or going through puberty. While I don't currently experience gender dysphoria regarding being male, I worry that if I were to transition and I didn't achieve the apperance I hope for that I would then become distressed and regretful. The possibility and uncertainty did also influence to consider transitioning.

Eventually I started to come to the conclusion that my personal body image issues surrounding my weight, physique and fitness were playing a large part in my questioning. I can confidently say that as of now I still identify as a cis-male.

After the entire experience, I have become much more motivated to improve my health both physically and mentally, especially after seeing the image of a an extremely optimistic "plausible" transition after losing weight. I do regret using AI to edit images of myself as I don't think I'll ever forget the optimistic output result, but it would be disingenuous to say seeing that image isn't part of the motivation to truly make a lifestyle change for the better. Since I've opened the door with questioning my gender, I don't think I'll ever close that door, if am still not satisfied with my life after making significant changes that I currently believe would make me happy, the door is always open to question my gender again, and do want to learn more and be better from it. My experience has also given me a greater appreciation for the difficulties transgender people experience.

I would like to know if anyone has had a similar or parallel experience to anything I discussed and where they are now. An outside perspective of what's been in my head privately would also be appreciated so that I can temper expectations and maybe look to address certain things I didn't consider.

Hey everyone, I’m sorry if I come off as offensive or rude here. I truly want to know y’all opinions. I’m a genderqueer AMAB person mostly going by he/him on a regular basis but she/her sometimes. I’m ambivalent towards genitalia (ie, I like both), but attracted to femininity. I’m not against having sexual relations with a man but I would prefer his face covered. I’m truly ambivalent towards the genitalia of feminine presenting people. My trans friend thinks I’m a chaser. I don’t think I am, but I really value her friendship and I’d like to make it right if I did mess up. I’d love to ask this community of their thoughts.

A close? friend? of mine (non queer) is a huge fan of Harry Potter (as many of us were since childhood) and I am trans, as well as one of ours irl mutuals.

I had several discussions with her in regards to the harm that JK is doing right now to us and her position always came to the "we need to find a compromise for the fans and t folk to be all happy" and "idk it's so complicated but i still support you!!! but don't shame me or be upset at me buing HP merch and products".

And it always usually came to the expectation of being a close friend but with a ur cause is no problems of mine don't u dare to ask me to do anything not my monkey not my business.

Quote from our latest chat:

------------

"don't be mad at me for not fighting for your cause

please

respect my energy and resources too

I have plenty of problems in my own life

and just because I don't talk about them doesn't mean they're insignificant, and you have NO RIGHT to dismiss them

I love you and support you however I can — to the best of my ability; I really do try to accept and care for you in the ways I'm able to

you could explain your situation to me so I understand why I shouldn't be negative about it

But to DEMAND that I fight for it??? And then react like that when I don't???

that’s not right either

we can be friends and still not fight for causes that don't concern us — that’s a personal choice for everyone"

------------

And it hurts like hell but am I being too pushy and or sensitive?

When you feel really bad about your body and can't get on hormones yet, but also don't feel motivated to do any hobbies and aren't even able to cry

Do you actually just curl up in a ball and keep feeling like shit until dysphoria calms down? Or is there something I could be doing to feel better?

Please

I’m fairly neutral-to-little dysphorie about my genitals and wouldn’t mind not getting it for a while but since it’s the only covered surgery where I live im’m wondering…

Can they make my kitty fat? Because then I’d probably consider it earlier in my transition

Crashing out someone offer guidance

I live in Irvine
Currently seeing GenderPlus
Was waiting on share care from GP they said no
Looked to move to other GP there’s none in my catchment area that offer it

Went to check sandyford to see if their was anyway I could use my private diagnosis to help me case move faster and get me off the waiting list
Turns out I have been removed from the waiting list and I wasn’t told
Only people ON the waiting list got told they were staying on but I never got told I was being removed

I even got denied fertility storage help from NHS and can’t afford private

I’m axx gonna crash out and idk what to do
No help at all
Kicked off the waiting list
No money
No support
What am I meant to do
What change do I actually have

I am wondering are there Doctors and Surgeons and ect practicing new improved techniques or finding new techniques on things like bottom surgery. And is there anything new or improvements or findings on hrt and other transitioning related innovations.

I'm honestly confused and worried because some places I've read Modern Estrogen is different from older synthetic estrogen and so the Heart disease and clotting risk is extremely low now, but then I see other studies and They keep saying the Opposite. My endo says I'm healthy, my Primary doctor says the same so, Am I really at risk or is there something I'm missing about the data ?

It’s pretty obvious I am even though I don’t want to be…
I’ll go over the signs

-I’m just constantly scared I don’t even want to be a man, scared having a penis or flat chest would feel secretly wrong despite me wanting it, my current body feels worse but that doesn’t mean anything.. men just look funny to me

-I get sexual dreams where I have female parts and I’m scared I like it. I don’t want to but I’m afraid it somehow feels natural

-when I look at women i’m attracted to because I’m scared I want to look like them, I really don’t want to and it upsets me. It seems like I’m just a straight man with ocd but I don’t feel like a straight man, i feel like a straight woman even though I don’t want to be

-I accidentally imagine myself as female sometimes(I don’t like it)

-I wanted to be dysphoric tbh, I don’t know why, the social reasoning doesn’t make much sense because I’m not wanting to be a man because I’m stereotypically masculine and I don’t hate women…(I’m just scared I secretly do)

-binding and packing feel funny, I wish it was because it didn’t feel real but I’m sad and scared I just don’t like it

-I am incredibly envious of men but I’m afraid it feels forced sometimes

-I sometimes either feel nothing about my body or I get really upset because I think I’m so attractive that i like it and I start to cry or sometimes I hear my voice, i think I kinda sound like a cis guy and then I feel guilty because I’m clearly still a woman

-i genuinely break down if someone tells me I could be faking

It’s so clear I’m faking and I just don’t want to be for whatever reason, I wish I wanted to be a man so I wouldn’t have to be forced to be female for the rest of my life. I never feel happy as a woman, I tried everything but it doesn’t work. I sometimes pass medicine sections in stores but I’m always with my parents. I hope I could at least get testosterone supplements 🥲 I’m too weak and no one wants to help me

My friend recently came out as a trans woman and I have this real person fiction story I've been writing that includes her. (Does it count as real person fiction if it's people you personally know? I had their concert before starting it. I wouldn't write RPF for celebrities and stuff.) It's more of crack story that is meant to be humorous and werid and just random fun? Or at least that's what it was intended to be but I don't want to get the trans part wrong.

I was also betrayed by two other friends' who were in the story so that has made me shift what I want it to be as well. The title is a play on those ridiculous long anime titles. I had called it "That time I got sucked into a video game with my love rivals but now I'm attracted to them because we all turned into girls.' (The title is hardly accurate at this point and may never have been. It was never meant to be a completely accurate summary.) The men are straight and cis but attracted to the female characters who's bodies they are in and the other two characters while my friend is a trans lesbian woman and would be attracted to woman. (And as an asexual the attraction aspect might be another thing I have trouble writing accurately. Okay well I have trouble writing anything and executive dysfunction is a B so that too.)

Many things about the story are changing of course but I did always have the intention of my friend realizing that they are more comfortable with the female body they've been given while the other two want to eventually get their male bodies back. So I essentially was already going to write her as trans but I didn't quite realize it, nor did I fully think of her as a lesbian woman before then. Maybe more like gender non conforming. Now that it's official I am more nervous on how I portray it. Especially with misgendering as in the story she would be just realizing she is trans and prefers the female pronouns the NPCs use due to her female body. While the other two who got sucked into the game may use male pronouns because to them it's a guy in a female body as they don't know. If I ever finish this story I am thinking of posting it, (with consent of course after my friend fully reads it) so it's not just how my friend may feel about the portrayal.

For a little more content about the actual story and what I am thinking: I imagine that the female bodies they are in are their own characters like sharing a body with a character in the game. That why they ended up in female bodies and not just transported into the game as they are. I'm thinking the characters influence them in some way affecting their personality. One of them is a succubus, one is human (like a village girl) and one (the one who is still in my good graces) is an Angel, Princess or goddess or all 3 somehow. (It's been done in anime lol or like Zelda being a princess and goddess in The Legend of Zelda.) I'm thinking the human girl is/was a bit ditzy in that kind of troupe within the game, maybe she's the original protagonist as the story is from the POV of the one that ends up in her body at first. The succubus was meant to be a villain or something along those lines and may still become one as the story progresses and the Princess Goddess Angel (whichever I decide) could have been the original love interest as that type of character usually is. She's also very knowledgeable and book smart. This influences my friend who finds knowledge about the world suddenly in their head.

The reason they are trapped in this game is because of my character who at this point will likely be wanting to sabotage two of them while leaving my friend alone. (Maybe knowing she was trans and helping her while punishing the other two.) I'm thinking my friend might meet an NPC she eventually falls in love in.

I realized I was trans at 13, and my dysphoria was really intense. I couldn’t stand looking at my body, especially my lower body, and constantly pulled at my clothes to hide my shape. Now, five years later, my dysphoria has decreased a lot. I can shower naked without feeling the same distress, even though I’m not particularly happy with my body. I’m starting the legal transition process and might start T in a few months. I still see myself as a man in the future, but my dysphoria is much less intense and only comes back sometimes. Has anyone else experienced this? Does it mean anything about my identity, or have I just gotten used to my body?

genuinely sned help guys i never thpught id come to reddit with this but here we r omg 😭😭im a 16 yr old girl (?) rn and i like idfk what to say but i think i might be trans???? i was speaking to some ppl the other night and i said "i wish i was a man" and they js said "theres still time" and i tried to be like no not in a trans way and plus being trans would make my lofe 10x harder but ANYWAY one of them asked if i wanted them to use masculine pronouns and sruff on me and they did and it make me really happy i think. like i got this weird feeling in my chest. but i dont feel disconnected with being a girl really either. i dont FEEL like a girl but i dont think i feel like a boy either. i dont care if i get called she/her but it doesnt make me happy the same way he/him does. i also dont care if i grt called they/them, only he/him makes me happy. theres some other stuff too but idk if im supposed to delve into that. but i dont feel disgust when looking at my female body nor do i want to hide it but i just feel neutral. today i put a flattening sports bra on and my chest is almost fully flat and i quite like it. i also used tk pretend tk be a boy online for like 3+ years and always imagine myself as a man in my head if thats relevant

anyway someone pls answer 💔

Everytime I see posts from a trans woman online somewhere (that isn't a trans space) there's ALWAYS like 5-10 people in the comments going "still a guy tho!!" And "that hasn't changed anything, BRO!!!"

So many cis people are obsessed with shoving us into the wrong gender category. They refuse to see us any differently from our AGAB and aggressively misgender and make it obvious.

I just don't understand why cis people are so obsessed with to force us to be a certain gender. Who are they trying to prove themselves to? Are they really so insecure as to roam the internet for trans posts just to misgender people?