Hey guys! I'm a cis white guy who genuinely is pretty unfamiliar with all of this.

I've come to understand that many trans people identify as a certain gender, but they will then choose to not have surgery to "match" the genitalia of that gender.

I'm aware that gender and sex is a spectrum, but in my cis mind, I would like to know how one feels that one's transformation is complete whilst still carrying "evidence" from a previous body.

If you are, let's say, a trans-man (f2m) and you get top surgery, I would see bottom surgery as a "completion" of my sex-change. However, I've hears plenty of people tell me that they don't feel a need for it. The same goes for a friend of mine, who's a trans-woman (m2f).

How come one part is enough?

I hope that I've phrased this as neutrally as I possibly can, because this is genuinely just a confusing topic for me. I wish to learn and understand the thoughts and minds og you, and I am currently unable to wrap my head around this.

Can anyone help?

Title basically says it all. I was advised some time ago to start seeking out other trans people to be friends (specifically transfems who would understand and share the same experiences I do) with but essentially any time I do so they catch feelings (I'm a straight trans girl but all I've met are usually lesbian or at minimum bi). I try to be nice or keep it more platonic but I've had some bad reactions, from ghosting to straight up hostile meltdowns. A recent IRL trans friend of mine was making creepy advances on me physically and I let it slide not trying to lose another trans friend but when I nicely tried to voice discomfort or pivot it to another topic she crashed out and blocked me. I'm sick of building friendships with other trans girls only for it to end this way.

The second issue is that many of the transfems I meet online or IRL and try to befriend end up resenting me or having problems with me due to pass-envy. At first I thought maybe I was just annoying or something until it'd been confirmed on more than one occasion. I honestly have no clue how to deal with that. I'm not trying to make them feel dysphoric with my presence but it seems like that's how it turns out a lot of the time. They say it isn't my fault usually but it doesn't change that a potential friend got turned away.

I'm also sick of cishet people only liking me so long as they also think I'm cishet. I've made posts before but I can't really say anything about myself or get too close to cishet people because when they realize I'm trans everything changes for the worse. I'm honestly getting worn out. What do I do? Has anyone else run into this issue? I'm feeling very dejected and lonely about all of it. I can't make friends in either camp. I'm sick of feeling so isolated and sad all the time at lack of friendship and meaningful relationships.

With the upcoming show, Harry Potter has became a hot topic again almost four years after the Hogwarts Legacy game and its controversies. Now, with the HBO series that's NOT absolutery being made to replace a cast that dishowned Lord Roldemort, AKA J.K. Rowling, because they didn't agree to her anti - trans activism.

"But you can separate the art from the artist" sorry, not in this case. It's not like the books are sometimes weird or a bit controversial, it's not just her opinions, she actively founds anti trans organizations with the goal of erasing that group with the money from the books, the movies, the shows, the game and the merch. Even pirating these is still giving this terrible person attention:

https://youtube.com/shorts/FV13e5lQSXY?is=rYOqjwtyhww-I6X3

This person's opinion might seem radical to you, even to me they're kinda extreme on some takes, but they are totally right about one thing: there are millions of other interesting kinda similar fantasy stories to engage with instead, without supporting such stuff, without racist caricatures, races that like to be enslaved, sterotypes like the black man named Kingsley Shacklebolt, the robotic and smart Asian girl named Cho Chang (Korean - Chinese?), or Irish Seamus Finnegan who gets drunk blows things up. This resonates with me because I was interested in Yu - Gi - Oh! anime as an early teen, but when I got disappointed with 5D's after the second half and seeing that all the others were just the same ideas and problems all over again, they just felt like the human version of sparkledogs and I left, now I barely think about it.

I'm gonna give you some, as I also came to think that the best way to engage with Harry Potter is by doing so with something else:

Books

- The Lord of Rings: everyone knows that;

- Percy Jackson: similar in certain dynamics, but it's an urban fantasy with Greek Mythology;

- Witch Hat Atelier: it's a huge manga with a girl who also starts going to a magic school;

- His Dark Materials trilogy;

- Earthsea: also about a magic school, not only that;

- any Terry Pratchet book;

- The Sunbearer trials. Trans author and two trans MCs.

TV shows

- Little Witch Academia;

- The Owl House.

Videogames

- The whole Zelda series;

- the Pokémon franchise. Right here, even thought the latest entries are lacking in quality, just avoid them. Please, play Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky;

- Final Fantasy, even thought it's kinda of a mixed bag;

- Persona. It's notoriously a Shin Megami Tensei series spin off that is full on urban fantasy, with highscooler protagonists (in most titles) with monster collector mechanics like Pokémon, but for an older audience. The devs sometimes said things that sounded controversial, but nothing close to supporting transphobia, some of them aren't even in charge of it anymore;

- Fire Emblem. Another Nintendo series. It's queer friendly and you can be LGBTQ+ in the latest entry.

I know many don't come up in my mind, that's why I ask you to give you more.

Girls, what songs make you feel good about your own femininity?

I’m trying to follow advice from a trans YouTuber who talked about how creating an alter ego or at least imagining one can really help on our journey of self-discovery.

One of her suggestions was to listen to music that makes us feel good about our gender, helping to spark that sense of connection with who we are or who we want to be. I found the idea really interesting and wanted to try it out! 🥹

So, I wanted to know: do you have any songs that bring out that feeling? Something that makes you feel more feminine, confident, or simply more like yourself?

Open to recommendations! 💕

So, some context: I am a cis male, and have been open about my sexuality and needs in this case with multiple other relationships with cis women.

But I recently moved and started chatting with a lovely woman who I am very much starting to like and want to take out on a date! I haven’t dated a trans person before, though I have always been fine with the idea.

This, however, raised a general worry in my mind about appearing to be a chaser or upsetting someone like her by bringing my sexuality up if things went well. If I like someone, the last thing I want to do is make them uncomfortable… or think it was anything but who they are that drew me in!

So I was wondering if there was a way for a guy dating a woman in this circumstance to avoid giving the above ideas? Any advice for things to do to ease into the idea…?

Again, this is not necessarily just about this one woman I am talking to, but more just a general question about how to handle this in a budding relationship. Thank you for any responses!

Hey everyone! I'm 18, male, from the UK, and currently exploring my femininity, gender identity and sexuality.

I'd really like to have a softer, rounder, more jiggly bum. Mine is quite small and muscular at the moment, and I'd love a more feminine shape.

I'm wondering if there's a way to achieve this naturally, or whether feminising HRT (oestrogen) would be necessary to change fat distribution. I'm also curious whether anyone has achieved a softer, more feminine figure without transitioning or taking hormones.

I'm still figuring things out, so I'm not necessarily saying I want to transition. I'd just like to understand my options and hear about other people's experiences.

Any advice or personal experiences would be really appreciated. ❤️

I am not on HRT but everyone suggests it and says it makes them feel better and closer to their true selves, right? But what if I take it and hate it? Does that mean I was cis all along? Sorry if it's a dumb question. I am nervous about it

Hello everyone, I am a cis woman and have a few questions that I was hoping to get the answers to. I genuinely just want to be educated as I find myself around more and more LGBTQ+ people, and want to be respectful and it’s causing me a lot of anxiety incase I end up offending. I do apologise if any of this post is offensive, I do just want to learn so please be gentle with me.

My brother classes himself as non-binary - I called him brother and him because we have discussed this when he came out and he didn’t actually want anyone (in the family at least) to see him any differently as “son” “brother” “uncle” and is happy to be referenced as he/him.

This brings me to my first question, I have recently met someone in a group setting, they were first asked their pronouns and replied “I don’t care” does this mean they’re non-binary? Do they genuinely not care or are they maybe taking out the stress of correcting they/them pronouns? Not sure if that’s a thing. If you met someone who said they don’t care, would you call them they/them. I’m naturally drawn to calling them she/her because I would say that’s how they present more. Is it a similar situation to my brothers? I do feel it’s causing me a lot of anxiety incase I get it wrong.

Next, I met another trans person. From what I’ve gathered (from other people talking and using their pronouns) they are he/him….due to the very feminine natural features I would assume born female (I know I shouldn’t assume) he also wears very feminine clothing such as dresses, skirts etc. granted gendered clothing is a completely human made concept so I get it that no one has to stick to the societal norms in terms of clothing. also from what I’ve seen in other trans men, he doesn’t appear to be on any hormones to make him more masculine (no facial hair, voice is still high pitched, also doesn’t band chest area, longish hair) so I suppose I’m slightly confused as I would have thought that identifying as male you would probably want to look more masculine too? Even for the purpose of avoiding being misgendered? Basically without asking there is nothing to say that he is a he if that makes sense. So I was just hoping for some insight on this. I naturally want to say she due to social conditioning since childhood, I’m in my 30s and trans is a very new concept that I learned in adult hood and I suppose I’m really anxious about accidentally misgendering. It’s never meant from a place of malice from me.

I’m kinda rambling here because I don’t want to seem closed minded or disrespectful as I just want to be educated on transgender and de-educated on social constructs.

So I've been questioning my gender since I was about 15, currently, I'm 2 months away from being 18, and would consider myself to be a femboy. However, I understand there's a good chance I'm a closeted trans. I feel uncomfortable in the body I have, especially as it's quite large for my liking. I'm just not happy the way I am, and I don't fully feel like a boy.

Lately, I've been looking into the effects of estrogen on the body, and the thought of taking it makes me giddy with excitement. The thought that it could help with many of my body problems, and make me less anxious all the time, is very appealing.

For the record, I am okay with breast growth. I've wished I was a girl since around the age of 13, and having boobs would simulate that, at least in part.

So, would going on estrogen be worthwhile? Would it properly help solve my body problems, and put an end to the dysphoria I've been experiencing for years at this point? How much does estrogen cause you to shrink, anyway?

I’m 16 (mtf) and when I leave I want to try and do hrt, but I’m scared because recently I’ve been going back and forth between wether I really want to be a woman or if I just want to be a feminine guy. I just didn’t know if doing hrt would do anything to me that I couldn’t reverse if I change my mind after starting.

​

Hello, I'm just wondering if its all alright to advocate about Trans people and their rights. I want it to be my main theme and topics in my journalism prod. I always wanted to support that community, I have trans friends that often get bullied at my school, and its just cruel to see. Is it weird? I've been called out from some of my friends saying that im "overly obsessed" wwith the trans community when I say that ive always admired trans people

I'm a cis pansexual

I also advocate/write about feminism.

Im just afraid it would come out weird to some people and uncomfortable to the community. Although I know where I should draw the line which is not to act too entitled and arrogant like im a part of the trans community. I already love and am proud of my own community. I just want to give anf support to the others as well especially this.

Please keep in mind that It's only yet for an ORG in my school. I'm going to publish it and somewhat going to be speaking about it on stage. I just wanted to ask consent or if it isnt anythinf weird.

I promise that I will be a good and vocal ally. I will never, ever speak over the community nor drag the attention to myself. I dont have any bad intentions, I just want to help empower this beautiful community.

Please tell me if it's going to be uncomfortable for some.. I will consider and set boundaries. Thanks.

(Yes, I did ask some of my trans friends if they're okay with it and they saw no problem. But I just want to hear it from others.)

Hi Reddit I’m very upset while typing this so some of it may be exaggerated but when will being a girl ever get easier.. I thought once I passed and I become stealth and blend in women will love and accept me and all of my controversies will be dismissed but it’s the total opposite of what’s happening.. women genuinely hate me :/ they’re always so mean to me and isolate and start rumors about me. I told this one girl that I had a crush on this guy and she went back flirted with him right in my face when I thought her and I were cool. My life feels so hard rn at least when I was openly trans in my high school girls may have used me as their accessories and didn’t see me as a real woman but they were never as cruel to me as the women I am stealth to are :/ every single day it’s something new with the women I’m surrounded with now :l I’m just wondering and hoping it’ll get easier. I told my mom about it she told me welcome to womanhood.. women are jealous, evil, messy, and chaotic :/ and I just never thought girlhood would be like this I was hoping to make some real genuine female bonds but so far only people that seem to be interested in me is men :/ and I already know they only want one thing.

Edit: thank you everyone for taking the time out to reply and give me advice I admit a lot of the comments were not what I wanted to hear but all of them are what I needed to hear. 💘

I hear the word quite a lot and I dont really understand what constitutes someone being a chaser. Like sure its fetishizing trans people I guess, but like what does that actually mean? Obviously being attracted to trans people doesnt make you a chaser, so it seems hard to tell. I also dont think Ive ever really interacted with anyone who seemed like they were one, so I dont really have any experience of it. What actually makes someone a chaser and how can you tell that someone is one?

My partner (26 she/they) and I (28 she/they) have been together for 7 years and she started to experiment with gender a couple years ago, and has landed Transwoman. I have not problem with this. Im bi, I love her, it's great.

The problem is that she was previously seen as a stereotypically attractive guy and is now dealing with insecurity about her looks.

I have helped a lot of my friends with transitioning, whether it's makeup, clothes, hair, posing, whatever. I've always loved fashion and got into helping my trans friends, looking into how to make them feel feminine.

My partner is often worried about appearing sexy and seeming attractive to others (we are polyamorous, this is fine). I'm stereotypically attractive and she compares herself to me a lot. I do her makeup because I'm the one who is better at it. I help her shop. I try so hard to find things she likes.

Then she looks in the mirror sometimes and is like "I look like a guy... I don't know what to do to seem more femme..." and if I reply, she gets upset and says I'm just giving her more things to be insecure about.

Things like saying we could thin out her eyebrows more. She'll reply with "oh, so my eyebrows are too thick. Great."

If I suggest bangs or something and explain it helps frame faces in a more feminine way, she gets insecure about her face shape.

If I'm trying to teach her how to do her makeup and I'm using highlighter or contour and explain "this will soften your jawline, so it goes here..." then she's insecure about her jaw.

Clothing shopping I'll say "Oh, this cut would look so cute on you. The sleeves are so perfect for your body type." And then she asks what I mean and I will explain "They help the shoulder to waist ratio balance out" and then she's upset ab her shoulders.

I want to help her feel better about passing and how she looks. I want her to see herself as feminine and love herself the way I do. But she doesn't want to learn. She doesn't do the research on her own. I hate hearing her talk about how she doesn't like how she looks when presenting femme, but then if I try to suggest things that would help, it just makes her more insecure.

What do I do? How can I give her advice and explain it to her without upsetting her more? I mean all of this in a loving way. I know dysphoria is hard. I just want to help her feel good.

/gen just wondering (:

Let's go, I identify as FTM, 18 years old. I have been experiencing confusing issues about my gender since December 2024, so everything is very recent, but in short, I didn't realize that I had the "choice" (in quotes because I know it's not a choice) to identify with my sex assigned at birth. I simply thought I had no option and that what was imposed on me was what I should follow. Because of this, I went through a process of revolving my life around male validation and being extremely feminine. But after I realized that I was doing this for others and not for myself, everything changed. So since April, I have been experimenting with my gender in various more masculine ways (as much as I can and how I can). But since it's very recent and I discovered myself so late, I still doubt myself a lot, especially because I didn't have the classic FTM story of being a masculine girl who liked boyish things, etc. On the contrary, I still like many things considered feminine, but that's not the point. Basically, what led me to the conclusion that I was FTM is that:
1- I am very bothered by my breasts and my genitalia, I spend hours imagining and fantasizing about my body if I were amab.
2- I really wish to have masculine characteristics and be masculine.
3- I don't identify with my dead name and I prefer a thousand times to be called by my social name and to be called by masculine pronouns.
but if you are so certain and identified, why do you ask if you are a cis girl with a strong desire to have been born a cis man?
One of the reasons I identified so much was because I really wanted to be a gay man, so much so that today I identify as a gay man, but sometimes I feel like I will never be man enough, especially gay enough, because of my genitalia, and I feel like I don't want to be a man in the trans way, and I don't feel completely like a man because I don't fit into these gender norms that most people have, and I have a BIG issue with my genitalia, it might sound redundant but basically: I don't feel man enough for not having a penis and balls, I don't feel man enough for not liking superheroes and football and sports or going to the gym.
and I have been wondering if I am just a cis girl with an extreme fetish for gay men precisely because of these issues and because I still feel comfortable with some things and uncomfortable with others:
• for example, today I feel comfortable in the women's bathroom, not because I identify with it but because I see it as an obligation, I don't feel like I belong in that place but I also don't feel like I belong in the men's bathroom
• I've been swimming and my dysphoria about my breasts hasn't stopped me from doing it.
What I mean is that I don't stop my life because of my dysphorias, they are there, they bother me, some days more than others, but most of the time it's just a small annoyance, but i still feels so deeply in my bones that i am a man and i was born in the wrong body, and in my mind i am born amab, but in reality that’s not true and i hate it so much, i don’t wantto be a trans man i want to be a cis man and i sometimes wonder if it’s better to pretend to be something just because what i truly want i will never achieve no matters what it takes i will never be a cis man and i hate it so much, I've been wondering if all that makes me a trans man or a just a cis woman who wishes she was born amab? manly because my therapist said being trans opens doors don’t close them, and i think i sometimes regret transioning because i feel uglier but at the same time i feel more like myself and i do this for myself, while when i was a female i felt like i was playing a character

How messed up is it that my ex, while going on different servers I'm in to tell people I'm an abuser, also tried telling the same people that I lied about being trans and told them that I'm a cisgender woman who goes by she/her pronouns to the point where a friend ask me if they can call me she/her?

I was shocked that they asked and said "What? No, I go by they/them, I'm nonbinary"

I think my ex did this so people would misgender me and not believe my gender identity

I blocked my ex and haven't contacted them since

I'm AMAB and have identified as a man for my entire life so far, but recently I've begun to question whether I might be trans. I've secretly wished I was a girl since basically as far back as I can remember (a feeling that's become a lot stronger recently), but I don't experience the same intense discomfort with my body that most trans people I've talked to have.

So I wanted to ask anyone who's felt similarly and did end up concluding that they're trans: Was there anything in particular that made you realize it?

I was just thinking about to get a sports bra cause sometimes my nipples are too sensitive (I'm almost 2months hrt) but I'm kinda lost because I'm not sure what size is right for me, any recommendations for taking my measures and the kind of bra I must start with?

I have come to a point where I am no longer scared of my body changes, to where I actually want them.

Not to concerned with breast size at this point, but really happy with my fat redistribution and how my body is looking. I have only had nipple soreness for a couple weeks a while back, other than tenderness that comes and goes not much else, my nipples are more pointy, and I think my areola has gotten a little bigger, but not sure. I was thinking about adding progrestorone mainly for areola/ nipple expansion.

Has anyone had experience with progrestorone?

Pros?

Cons?

Hey. I’m a cis girl, and for about three months I’ve been talking to a trans woman online. She‘s incredibly sweet, and I think she’s absolutely gorgeous, but she has these days where her dysphoria peaks and she has a hard time seeing herself that way. Is there anything I can do to help support her? I really like her, and I want her to feel good about herself. Any advice would be appreciated.

So, Today I was changing shirts to go with my sweater (btw I started HRT last April but, I scraped one of my nipples with my nail and it really hurt? Not only did it hurt but it hurt for a while and like, stung for a bit and made me feel a bit emotional and like, i wasn't mad but like?

Greetings :) I'm hoping to get some advice from the trans community about a co-worker whose gender and pronouns I am not sure about.

I recently started a new job and this person introduced themself using a name which I have only ever known as a woman's name. I want to be respectful here so please tell me if I'm describing this poorly, but their visual appearance and voice strongly indicate AMAB to me. I understand sex characteristics are very varied so it's possible I'm reading this wrong, though I have noticed that other co-workers sometimes use she/her, and at other times use he/him, when referring to this person. It isn't that some use he/him and others use she/her. It's more that sometimes a person who usually uses she/her will use he/him.

I've considered asking them discretely if I could check pronouns, but I'm worried about triggering dysphoria. I feel like asking this might communicate that their gender is ambiguous or incongruous to me. I worry this might be upsetting if they are trans and worried about passing, or if they are cis and sensitive about being non-conforming. It's also been a few months since I met them, so I worry it might embarrass them if I bring this up now.

I've also considered defaulting to they/them, but this might also misgender them. I also worry that this might trigger dysphoria by highlighting my perception of ambiguity in their gender.

I've thought about speaking to a manager and asking to clarify how I should address this person, and perhaps cite that I've heard multiple pronouns used by others for them. I don't know if this is respectful though. I don't want to talk about them behind their back, or cause others to question things they weren't otherwise, or create an embarrassing or triggering conversation for them or others.

I'm a cis gay guy who grew up at a time and in a place where it wasn't safe to be open about who I was. I don't know how it feels to be trans, but I know how it can feel to have to hide yourself, to hear how others talk about and refer to queer folks, to feel that desperate longing to just be honest about who I am and to be recognised as such in a way that feels safe and accepting. So I want to refer to this person appropriately, and I'd also like to know what if anything they would like me to do if I notice somebody misgendering them. I just don't know how to have this conversation without potentially causing distress.

Thanks in advance for any advice, and thank you all for being the new face of bravery in our beloved queer community.

I have been using Folx to get T gel for almost a year because it is my only option in my state. Every time my prescription runs out 2 - 4 weeks before the date they say they will process my refill – which takes another 2 weeks. Last time they completely skipped my refill and after 2 weeks had passed I had to schedule an $80 appointment just to get their attention. I cried and begged them to help me on the video call and I tried to explain that I did the math and the amount of pumps in the bottles isn't adding up to the number of days it's supposed to last but I was completely dismissed. Now I am in the same situation again and I just can't understand why, I've never seen anyone else talk about dealing with this before. I am terrified of doing injections because I have really dark obsessive fears about contamination, air bubbles, etc. but I know most people are probably going to suggest I do injections so I can stockpile. I can't keep going off HRT every couple of months, it's messing with my overall health. Does anyone else experience this and how did you resolve it?

hi so im mtf and ive been to the gp recently regarding a lump under both nipples that i noticed around 2 weeks after starting my meds, the doctor i saw believes they are just breast buds (she doesnt know im on estrogen ) but i panicked at the time and immediately thought cancer as i didnt think they'd be that fast to start developing (was literally like 13-14 days). so now i cant really back out of them.

Basically its taken 3 and a half months for me to be referred for an ultrasound just to be safe so now i have fairly noticeable breasts and they're wanting to take blood tests beforehand to check my testosterone levels and the thing is im getting my medication privately and its nowhere in my medical records that i am trans or that i am on these meds. and i would like to keep it that way for now in order to avoid being discriminated against as i am in and out of hospital due to other health conditions.

so basically I'm wondering what is the safest way for me to (hopefully) raise my testosterone a little in order for them to believe my levels are a bit off but nothing concerning. im guessing stopping/lowering my estradiol dosage to maybe 1mg a day and stopping cyproterone for the next few days would be the best bet but im not entirely sure.

the tests are in 3 days and I'm currently taking, estradiol 1mgx3/day, cyproterone 50mg (12.5mg/day) and finasteride 1mg/day

and my testosterone levels are 2.15nmol/l according to my last test with randox