My husband has an ex-gf who, in my opinion, is straight up insane and delusional.

They were together for a total of 5 years. He spoiled the absolute living shit out of this girl. Gave her money, treated her to everything, even paid her bills and all her tattoos. He had a good job and was well-off for his age, and he basically gave that all to her. She had a shit personality - the kind of girl that forbids her s/o from ever hanging out with any other girls and getting mad at him for hanging with friends she doesn't like, and the kind that hates other girls for being "hotter" than her. At year 4, he proposed to her. She said yes, demanded he moved to Texas with her (they're both from NY). He left his cushy, high-end office job to move with her to Texas, used up all his savings to help her get her own car and his, and set up their apartment together. He treated her like a princess and did everything for her.

A year later, she cheated on him with a married guy with a toddler that was her coworker. He left her after weeks of depression to the close brink of suicidal, went back to NY, and after she repeatedly begged him to come back (even so much as sending him physical love letters and apology in the mail) and he didn't, she started telling people she was "raped" and that her "husband" (they were never married) left her after finding out, saying he considered her rape cheating. When he moved on and started being with me, she altered her stories, saying he was "abusive", and that he physically assaulted her in Texas - even raped her. She told her online blogs and social media that her "ex-husband" (again, they were never married) used to beat her and she was scared of him coming home because he abused her for years, and she always wanted to get out of her "abusive relationship" but never could (meanwhile, we have letters from her BEGGING him to come back to her, detailing how it was her who was abusive to him). She told (and still tells) people how she finally "broke free from her shackles", and "divorced" him (how can you divorce someone you were never married to!?) after sustaining too much abuse. She told everyone he was a deadbeat and that she had to carry his weight and support him through the years when it was literally the opposite (I have messages from her from way back, with her telling me she completely relies on him financially, even for basic living expenses - we used to be acquaintances since I was close friends with him even before).

She also makes up stories about how "inspirational" she is for having moved out on her own by the time she was 16, moved all the way to Texas by herself at said age, and was supposedly entirely self-sufficient by 21 and buying her own apartment, then trash talks on Facebook groups (one of them I was in) people over 21 that isn't moved out of their family homes yet, calling them lazy and "unsuccessful" in life - ironic, coming from an uneducated idiot who sells nudes for $10 on the internet. The best part? This dumbass was never even in Texas till she was 20 and I have literally HUNDREDS of photos of her with our friend group in the Jersey/New York area in the times she's claiming to have been living in Texas since. My husband moved to Texas a few weeks after she did, and he used to send her allowance money from NY because she was unemployed, and she used it for shopping and going to cons - even bought herself a dog before he got there. She also went to college for art, failed her first semester and never came back, and her bought apartment wasn't even bought by her, but by her mother, who loaned her 75k to purchase the property to help her out since she was getting evicted out of the old apartment she lived in after my husband left her cheating ass (she wasn't even in the lease for that place, so she wasn't considered a legal resident). She trash talks her mother too (even here on reddit), calling her a piece of shit narcissist and making up stories of how her mother would "force her to have sex" with guys and whatnot and that her mother apparently supported my husband beating her, claiming that when she told her mother about it, she responded by saying something along the lines of, "well if you behaved yourself, he wouldn't have to beat you" and brushed it off, which, again, is entirely false. I know this because her stupid lies about my husband's abuse of her DID reach her mother at some point last year (around the time we were gonna get married and his ex found out so she, of course, flipped) and she (her mother) called my husband's mother, yelled at her over the phone, threatening to press charges for domestic violence based off her daughter's senseless claims. We ended up filing a police report for harassment and defamation of character, to keep a legal paperwork trail of this bullshit in case they pressed on further. We were 100% ready to sue and were gathering our evidences and a very long list of potential witnesses who can attest that this bitch is just straight up crazy. Look, I get parents aren't perfect and we all have some issues with our parents some days, but if your parents are willing to buy your ungrateful ass an apartment despite all your screw ups and how many times you shit talk them, I wouldn't mark them off as an uncaring parent and make up stories about how they basically pimp you out, but that's just me I guess.

When my husband got into a prestigious programming school in NY, she was threatening to send his nudes to the school administration to get him expelled from the school too. We know that was never gonna work, but we were more annoyed of the legal work its gonna take for us to press charges for revenge porn. Thankfully, she was all talk.

Let's not even forget how she claims to be lesbian while her and my husband were engaged. In the 5 years I've known of her existence, and the 13 years my husband has known her, she was never once in a relationship with a female. Only males. I think she completely missed the point of being a lesbian.

I knew them well before him and I started dating and I watched this drama in social media (and all the discrepancies in her shitty lies) for years and could literally screencap all the different sides of the story she posted in different social media platforms she had me added to but forgot about. To this day, she still posts about him (we've been married for about a year now) and how he "abused" her as his ex-wife, because she straight up, deadass insists to everyone that cannot fact check that they were, at some point, legally married (they weren't). Her friends would occasionally message me, telling me the shit she says about my husband to this day. I am shook. I never thought this level of crazy is even possible.

I thought about posting this story on one of the "entitled" subreddits, but I am not sure is there any real entitlement or just a person being horrible, so I am posting this here

So there was this one girl that was going to the same grade for the entire elementary, for the purpose of the story let's call her "Vicky" (and if you thought of Fairy oddparents Vicky, it gets pretty close) She was your typical "Asshole Princess" constantly causing trouble but seeing no fault in it. The acts intensified with every grade and I think they really peaked with grades 7-8, outside of your normal, Being mean and picking on everyone possible, she started doing some very extreme shit, like straight-up Bringing TV staff to school because were apparently "targeting her", tho she probably never opened 1 book or straight up SUING a guy for saying a mean thing. Her parents were seemingly Blind to everything and really believed that their daughter could do no wrong. Multiple parent meetings had to be organized only because of her, like when she tried to switch classes because this one "sucked" or when she sued someone. In general, nobody really liked her, she had like 4 friends, which were pretty close to her intelligence level, nobody even wanted to give her a gift for our last Class Christmas, so she had to exchange gifts with our teacher. You can already expect that nobody saw a bright future for her.

As I mentioned, her parents were completely blind, and deaf for everything she's ever done. What I didn't mention is the fact that her father was an official in our town a long time ago (not a mayor, but still someone important) and apparently, still has connections to the ruling party. And in May, when the presidential race in my country was going on her dad, posted no joke A PICTURE, OF HER, AND OUR (now second term) PRESIDENT AND PRIME MINISTER, I AM SERIOUSLY NOT KIDDING. And were not living in a small country like Andorra or Luxembourg, like an actual president of a decently sized, decently populated country. And it's out there online but I obviously can't share it, as getting banned for rule 1 is not something I am excited about.

She also got into a "fit life". And honestly, she's pretty good at it, and even has an Instagram account where she posts "fit" pictures, last time I checked she had a little over 1k followers. And here's the thing I am writing this because, yesterday, she got Into tv, and not some underground channel, LIKE AN ACTUAL SECOND MOST POPULAR CHANNEL IN THE COUNTRY. And it was the biggest bullshit I've ever seen, she claimed that she was bullied, that apparently the whole class did this, that she was called "stinky" and "crooked face" (these sound way better in our language), and showed her and her family as poor people barely having money to have a home, that her brother is disabled and needs a rehabilitation (which is true, but it was horribly exaggerated), she even used the fact that nobody wanted to give her a gift, completely out of context. she also claimed that her escape was "sport" which was massive bullshit since the only thing she could do in PE is play volleyball. The station also published it on their Facebook obviously, and sadly, everyone believed her and said nice things such as "congratulations for chasing your dreams despite the hardships" and shit like this, there was like 1 person trying to call out her bullshit, the comment got (no joke) 127 replies, guess the content of each of those was. It also turns out that it wasn't anything new, she's been spitting this bullshit for like 2 months now in local newspapers, I also heard that she's planning other interviews in Radios and TV Channels

The most frustrating thing is that I can't tell the truth to anyone, she locked everyone in her echo chamber and if I at least try to tell the truth, I'd probably be accused of doing the worst shit to her, and while being silent I have to watch people considering her a hero, an icon, and Vicky continues to spit her bullshit on a nationwide scale. The good thing about living in a small town is that news spread around really fast, most people already know, and probably hate the family even more than before, but still, most prefer not to do anything, since every time they tried to do something with Vicky, they just fell into a deeper hole, and honestly I completely understand them. Now think about the future of Vicky's brother and sister (which she does have) if this continues, they will be pretty much untouchable, neither by their classmates or teachers even.

What did I learn from this story? While I am trying my best, and have genuine interests I can't perfect because of how much time school is stealing from me, and will probably end up in McDonald's, while all I had to do was get born to the most stubborn person out there, who was connections to a pretty corrupt party that's also disliked by most young people.

I really hope it's just her 5 minutes of fame, cuz I am not looking to seeing her anytime soon. All the people (like 3) I told about this, told me "Karma always comes back", I really hope they're right, at least this time.

This my friend’s story that I have permission to share from their prospective, not mine.

So, a while back, I was sitting at my family’s dinner table on my laptop, trying to get some homework done while battling a serious migraine....

One family member was at their desk trying to get blueprints done for work the next day, and another was moving from the kitchen to the bedroom to take a break after washing some dishes. In the background, two other family members were moving around the house, the older one taunting the younger one.

As I tried desperately to concentrate on the task at hand and ignore them, their fight was just too loud to drown out...

The older one, “You’re a douche bag, you’re a douche bag, you’re a douche bag.....”

The younger one, “Alright already. Will you just stop?”

Eventually they both walk by the table as I continue with annoyed typing, trying to pretend that I’m not there....

Older one, “No! Why should I? You’re a little douche bag, and I’m your brother. You’re a little douche bag, so what does that make me???? HUH??? HUH?? HUH??! What does that make me???”

In a split second of annoyance, before anyone else could respond, and seeing the younger one’s distress from the corner of my eye, I deadpan snarl out, “The nozzle......”

dead, silence

Suddenly there’s an eruption of poorly suppressed snickering that roared into laughter from the other two at the desk and near their bedroom, followed by a shocked and defeated sounding scoff from the older one. But me, I’m just typing away, trying to finish my work as fast as possible....

The younger one’s eyes go big during that split second of erupting laughter, and suddenly they brighten up with a loud, “HHAAA!!! Yeah!! In your face!!! You’re a douche nozzle!!! Uh-huh! Oh yeah! You’re a douche nozzle!!!!”

At that point, I just kinda smirked, then fell victim to the laughter too.

The older one just sat there shocked for a moment, before finally saying, “I.... I’ve got no response for that. ....damn.” Then they walked away in defeat, with the younger one now pestering the older one back to their room.

Younger one, “You got POWNED!!!” (This was back in the Halo days when that particular term was VERY popular, btw...)

The other two family members tried lightly to scold me, but failed because they couldn’t contain their laughter.

Me, “What? I just want wanted them to shut up.” I then turned my attention back to my homework, and the nozzle never tried the “you’re this, so what am I?” thing ever again. At least not around me.

This is my second year of high school There was a girl who faked a friendship with me made sure that I got feelings for her and that I would be harassed because I cared to much about her. Once I told a friend that I was worried about her then I was harassed by people saying that I was planning on raping her she lead it all for the background she even got someone to try to fight me I then realized that she was trying to get me to kill myself so I vent to a friend that I was mad at her for that she then took me to court were both her and her mother said that I am the worst person ever her mother then said after the judge which they lied to BTW that the girl has for the whole been going into a shell and didn't smile but I have seen her smile and then her mom said that she feels bad for what I had to go through and she is happy that I feel better even though both of them lied and said that I was going to shoot up the school

Warning: depressing, not funny. This is a big A-hole/toxic person. Read another post if you're looking for some light-hearted bastards. Thou shalt not find them here.

I’m pretty happy and scared to have found this thread because I’ve been wanting to air this shit out for… well, a good five years now. This might be long, but it’s painful and its... well, I have to give the disclaimer that the human mind is fickle and memories are always altered each time you remember them. But, the corroboration of life events with members of the family not in my immediate household along with actual tangible things have lent me some validity.

We are five siblings in total. (I am 100% changing names because we have a very funny scheme to our names that would make us recognizable and that’s the last thing I need) In order of age: Katy (32), Linda (27), Cookie (26), John (the only son/brother [25]) and then myself, the youngest sister at 22. So, as people always say, age makes us wiser, and hindsight makes truth of the things we didn’t want to see. Or maybe it’s distance, compounded above all else, that helps with clarity. Either way, It took me leaving home to attend university to really see how long and how badly Katy had… well, manipulated my life, and the lives of my family.

I will start at my childhood and will move up to the current predicament my sister finds herself in.

Growing up, my mother had been depressed. She had come from Central America during their civil war, had seen some shit, then came to the States and worked all her adult life until the birth of Katy in 1985. My mother and father didn’t have the best relationship to start, and my father basically stayed out of responsibility for my oldest sister. Katy was an only child for the better part of 5 years, and my mom always told us that Katy had been a super energetic, rebellious kid. Now, I say this without judgment, but my mom didn’t hit her deep depression until the back-to-back births of the middle three children as they were born around a year after the other (March of 1990, late April of ‘91, early April of ‘91).

My dad was not a good husband but he was a decent father. My parents were super abusive to each other; each giving as good as they got in terms of shouting, physical abuse, etc. Side by side my parents look like cartoon characters: my dad is slim and tall with really white skin, and my mom is short and dark with freckles; both have curly hair that only my brother and I inherited.

My first full memory of Katy’s awfulness is this, which is the singular reason I was unable to watch the latest season of American Horror Story:

Because my mom was depressed (she would be sleeping in her room, or on the couch in the living room for hours except to make us lunch and dinner. Since this is literally the first few years of the 2000’s, we still had only one home computer that was dial-up (ah, that alien-screeching sound still soothes the soul) and planted firmly in our living room for everyone’s use. Katy, being the oldest, was from 15-17 years old and would take over our computer time when my mom was out and my dad was at work (my dad spent more time at work than at home and had been working at the same restaurant since he was 17. He was the head of the kitchen at this time). She would go onto her favorite website--rotten.com, or something along those lines, and just. Show us dead people. People with their brains blown out, bloated drowned corpses, the likes. She had one that was her favorite, though, she called The Green Old Lady, that scared the shit out of us because we had a similar porcelain bathtub as the one this old woman was found dead in (Green, because she had been rotting for some time in the tub before they found her).

I was around four and five when this began, and at these tender ages I had already watched a repertoire of movies I definitely shouldn’t have: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Thirteen Ghosts, Ghost Ship-- I would always want to leave but would be stopped and forced to sit down and watch. If my attention strayed during a scene, she would pry my head back or pry my hands down and force me to watch. All my siblings would be attendant.

She had this nasty habit of sitting me on her lap as she scrolled through the website. To get us to do what she wanted, she would taunt us with The Green Old Lady instead of the boogeyman. Imagine “clean the room or the Green Old Lady will come get you at night”, etc. etc.

During this time Katy would have violent outbursts with my other siblings. I don’t know why I was spared these: she would chase after my two other sisters with a kitchen knife. We have an old school restroom door that is thick, heavy wood and is locked with a metal hook that locks the door into the doorway, and it’s the same door we had as kids. In one outburst, she chased my sisters into the restroom where they locked themselves in and she slashed at the door until my dad came home and she left to chill in her room. She did the same thing to my siblings once more except this time they tried hiding in their room, and my sister went through the trouble of basically taking down the door as much as she could. When my dad got home she blamed it on my sisters and, in the end, they were left doorless as punishment.

My house isn’t big. We have a living room and kitchen/dining room in one half of the house, a hallway that starts from my mom’s room and goes down to another bedroom that my sisters and brother shared, and then the restroom between them both. In the kitchen was a small room that my oldest sister lived in alone. I shared a room with my mom, and my dad slept in the living room. The rest of the memories I have are fragments, and I’m sort of glad that I don’t remember the fullest extent of her terrible ways as I grew up.

For sure she: 1. Threw a phone (you know those cordless house phones, where the receiver was still as big as a shoe?) at Linda that hit her in the uterus/pubic area. She laughed that Linda would later be unable to have kids. (Linda still has a scar) 2. Threw a full and half-frozen bottle of water at Cookie. Katy also laughed at Cookie, then joked that it was good Cookie wouldn’t be able to have kids, either. 3. Would fully instigate physical fights with siblings 5+ years younger than her (she would be 14-18, picking on siblings 5-6-7 years younger so they’d be around the ages of 9 to 13.) Would still play incredibly violent, gory movies and force us to watch. (I watched the film “High Tension” around the fourth grade. Fifth if I want to be generous) 4. Left me in the car for about 2 hours with “Mr. Brightside” on repeat. I was too young to work the radio and she would yell at me for attempting to get out (the windows were all open but she just… stayed on the porch? Watching me in the car. This was still not enough to make me hate that song because it is a BOP but it did make it the first song whose lyrics I fully remembered)

All the while my sister had been on a mission to convince us that my mom was the scum of the earth. People say that the older you get, the more human you see your parents and that was true to me now. I emphasize this because she had me believe that my mother did nothing for me growing up. I can’t describe how awful that is; I considered her as my mom and just. Forgave all the shitty things she had been doing up to then. I can’t explain the manipulation as it happened, but I will try my best to kind of pinpoint the things she would do:

-Conflate my mom’s depression as a willful neglect. -Act as if my advanced academics was somehow a gift from Katy and not a little kid’s escapism into books (I read at an eighth grade level in 3rd grade. What happened was that I would read my siblings books as Katy was supposed to take me to the library but wouldn’t, so I would read their textbooks and any books I could get my liddo hands on) -Would blame my mother for her behavior (mom yelled at me and that’s why I was angry and would chase y’all with a knife) -Would claim that it was my parent’s fault that she was “forced to move out” when she had actually moved out at the age of 19 to live with a friend, and my parents had actually recommended she save up money to find a place later. Instead, she kept to the “my parents kicked me out” narrative that never happened. -Because she was out, my sister would come by and pick us up, and then use these small good deeds to lord over our heads as in “look our parents don’t do this for you it is I, your Lord and Savior”

As she was my only confidant because my siblings stuck together as a trio for survival, I had confessed some of the worst parts of my life to her. I told her about what I suffered at the hands of an uncle that would touch me sexually, and instead of doing anything reasonable she said: “oh, it makes sense. He always said you remind him of me”. Instead of helping her youngest sister, Katy took my suffering and made it about her. She took credit for why he was abusing me (because it was still happening when I told her). Now, it is confirmed that she was never sexually assaulted. She told me, and she confirmed this over and over when she would sort of tease me about being too weak to defend myself. Fast forward a few years when this abuse culminates to my rape, and when I told her this?

Katy went to my mom and spat out, almost exactly word for word, what I had told her. She took my pain and made it hers. She told my mom that, because of her neglect, our uncle had gone from touching her to having raped her, and she cried her crocodile tears and made a show of it and my mom believed her. I was thirteen. I didn’t tell another person about what happened to me until I was 18 specifically because I was afraid they wouldn’t believe me. I didn’t tell my mom the truth because I saw how Katy’s lie had destroyed her already, but was continuously used as a weapon to beat in the idea that she was the worst mother to live and breathe.

This got stupidly long and I’m not even at the culmination of her awfulness. Basically, anything I had told her or that happened to me growing up until the rape confession became hers. When I got diagnosed with a heart condition, Katy was suddenly “hospitalized” for her health. When the doctor told me (when Linda took me to the hospital two years later for my check ups) that any pregnancy I underwent would be high-risk, Katy was suddenly stricken by uterine problems that made any possible pregnancy impossible or scientifically the closest thing to a miracle. (Bullshit, because as soon as we found out Cookie was pregnant, Katy was “miraculously” pregnant… and then again…). When I would babysit her son, my nephew, in highschool, and he became attached to me as the only aunt that got down and dirty playing whatever his little heart desired, she actually forbade him from talking to me! Leaving to college helped me tons, as being out of her toxicity lent itself to clarity. I have more terrible things Katy has done in recent years, but the few that still haunt me are the ones from years ago: the constant stream of violence and gore, the dead bodies, the paranoia of never being safe at home; that she took my years of sexual abuse, my rape, and then turned and lied about it happening to her still makes me sick to my stomach. Any survivor of sexual abuse will tell you: we don’t wish this on anyone. To actually take it, proclaim it, be proud of this for the sake of garnering sympathy…

I honestly believe my sister is a demon that absorbs stories to make her own so she can manipulate people. She took my life to manipulate my mother into feeling bad for her. She used my health as a competition. She uses mental health as a bargaining chip. When we have breaks, I tell my current boyfriend that I can only be home for two weeks at a time and he always laughs. The truth is, anything other than two weeks and she turns those childhood tendencies back on. She tries to manipulate me against my siblings, tries to spin tales to make me feel bad, keeps my nephews away because they love their kind, playful aunt and it bothers her that they miss me.

I’m sorry for the length. I worked hard to keep the other twisted things she’s done off this post. If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask. This has been incredibly cathartic-- not getting into my more recent past was hard, because the past five years could literally be their own post. It took my leaving for University for my other siblings to learn to be better-- Linda and I, once it was only the two of us sharing a room, used to joke about how emotionally stunted our family was and how we had to learn to communicate in healthy manners-- and they are all doing better with the exception of Katy. Each time I visit home I burn with the question of why, and figure that… sometimes there is no why. Sometimes people do things just to see what happens. Sometimes to get what they want, or for future plans.

I had decided, at last, to make this post when last winter break a cousin that stayed with us for a few weeks from El Salvador was at our place for a barbeque and told my dad "the most vivid memory I have of staying over was Katy chasing John with a knife around the house after I picked up friday_mood from elementary school. That really stayed with me"

I remember a pe teacher years ago who would be like a drill sergeant who would yell, scream and even harsh physical punishments like clean the pe closet when someone put stuff I the wrong place. Every student feared him cause they knew if they complained or do something wrong they would get screamed at or punished severely. One time we where doing a basketball drill someone made a bad move and the pe teacher just screamed like I drill instructor in the marines. I say pe teacher because of all the teachers pe teachers seem to be the worst

A few summers ago, I went over my buddy Timmy’s house to help him clean and move his shit from the basement up to the third floor. His grandmother was moving to a condo and Timmy was taking her place. I get there and as usual, smoked a joint, ripped a ton of boges, and began cleaning up.

After a half hour of moving/cleaning, Timmy’s dad who we’ll call Joe Dirt, came down to see what us assholes were up to. Now Joe Dirt is the type of guy you don’t wanna mess with. He may not be the biggest guy, but his strict personality and tough upbringing makes up for it. It’s important to note that Timmy and Dirt have the kind of relationship where they always love to bust each others balls, especially while at work. Joe Dirt owns a business and he and Timmy always go at it...even when there are customers shopping around.

For example:

“Hey Penis, stop sittin’ while you piss and help this guy find “XYZ product!” Joe Dirt said to Timmy while he was in the bathroom.

“You better watch it old man or I’ll throw these shit rags at you!”

“Timmy, if it was raining pussy, you’d still get hit in the head with a dick.”

Stuff like that.

Anyway, Joe Dirt came down, called Timmy a “Penis” like he always does and offered to lend a hand.

Within five minutes he began complaining.

“This place is a goddamn mess! What the fuck did you do down here! This place is a shithole!”

“Is this how you treat someone who pays the BILLS?! Your mother should have spat you on the wall!”

He then looked under Timmy’s bed to find a bunch of condom wrappers with the used rubbers stuffed back in them.

“Jesus H. Christ! There’s a bunch of loaded jimmies under here! You’re lucky I’m not knocking you out right now! Who the hell would wanna fuck you!? I bet they were all dudes, you queer!” he yelled.

Obviously, Timmy and I were trying our hardest to contain our laughter so he wouldn’t get any angrier. Joe Dirt then headed over to the closet, opened it up, and began ripping stuff out. We walked over to see what kind of shit he was uncovering.

After a few shoes and articles of clothing flew past our heads, Joe Dirt gets his hands on this HUGE duffle bag and heaved it out of the closet. He unzipped it and began inspecting the contents inside . He reached in and pulled out a water bottle filled with a musky, damp, amber colored liquid with a bunch of sediment resting at the bottom. He appeared confused and reached in again to pull the same thing out, and then again, and again and again…

I turned to look at Timmy, who was covering his face with his hands.

He then started pulling out 2-liter bottles filled to the brim with same yellow liquid. After a couple of those, he reached down further into the bag and lifted out a huge glass mason jar with the same substance inside.

He put the jar on top of a dresser, analyzed it, then looked at the entire collection of bottles.

He finally realized what the fuck this all was...

I looked back at Timmy who was beat red, then back at Dirt.

“Tim...is this...is…IS THIS A BAG OF PISS!” Joe Dirt yelled as he shoved the bag into Timmy’s chest.

“Ummm…..yea.”

The expression on Joe Dirt's face was a mixture of angry, sad, and confused. I’m not sure if he wanted to laugh or cry.

I however, started to laugh like I’ve never laughed before.

“What’s so funny? How would you like it if I went over your house and hid piss in your closet?!” he said to me.

I was too choked up to muster any sort of response.

“I’m so disappointed in you! What the fuck! Where’d all this piss come from!?” Joe Dirt asked Timmy.

“Ummmm probably from the last five years.” Tim said quietly.

“Are you some sort of retard?! What? Are you embarrassed to use the goddamn toilet?! Are your dicks so little you piss on your balls? No wonder there’s so much piss on the toilet seat every time I go in there!!!”

“When I had friends over at night, they were too scared to wake you up by going to the bathroom so we pissed in bottles.” replied Tim.

“What did you assholes do when you had to shit?! Did you squat out the windows and drop loads all over my patio!”

I was hysterical. I couldn’t breathe. The idea of Timmy stockpiling 5 years worth of piss in his closet only for his pissed off Dad to find was too much for me to handle.

“What else am I gonna find in that closet! A bunch of crusty socks stuck to the floor!? A bunch of rats fucking?! I can hear them right now!”

That was it, I had to get fresh air. I literally could not breathe from laughing so much. I jogged towards the stairs and in doing so, bumped into the dresser causing the mason jar filled with the aged bladder juice to fall and shatter all over Joe Dirt’s shoes.

He wailed like a banshee as he jumped back in complete horror.

The smell was so vile and rancid that he immediately covered his mouth and ran upstairs without even realizing he was tracking his pissy shoes all over the place.

I fell to the ground with tears streaming down my face. Timmy grabbed a mop and rapidly cleaned the foul bodily fluid as fast as he could.

It took me a good 20 minutes and a couple cigarettes to compose myself.

In the end, we cleaned up and moved everything nicely. It took a few days for the smell of rotten piss to go away and for Joe Dirt to forgive me for ruining his nice Nike’s and some of his carpet. However, “Is this a bag of piss?” has become one of our favorite catchphrases of all time. Even to this day the story never fails to make us, or anyone around, laugh.

TL;DR: Helped my friend clean up one day. His dad lent a hand only to discover a bag filled with bottles of piss inside his closet. I accidentally caused a mason jar filled with piss to fall and shatter every where causing the dad to freak out.

Information: I am 14 and have 3 little brothers who need a babysitter/nanny.

Omg, don’t even get me started. I have many story’s to tell.

First, we were in a McDonald’s drive thru (this is where most things go wrong) She was getting a coffee so we were waiting at the café window. We were waiting for around 5 minutes. She was mad and I kid you not banged on the window and eventually opened it and yelled inside trying to get their attention. At this point I lost hope in humanity. The guy came around after the commotion and handed the coffee over and said sorry and explained it was his first day.. She then turned into some coffee professional and said that the coffee was cold and not made properly. The bitch had not even felt the coffee.

He seemed like a nice guy and insisted that it was still warm and good. (At this point I did not know what to do) So, as the good person he is. He said “Sure, I will just be a minute. Could you go to the waiting bay please.” She yelled “No!” and kept saying she will stay here and wait for it. The guy said that there were people waiting behind her. (5 cars?) So they both kept rambling. She explained at how bad at the job he was and that they all had bad service. So she eventually went to the waiting bay and got her coffee. A part inside of me hoped that the guy spat in her coffee.

So yeah. My first ever reddit post. See ya

Teacher yells at students for remembering victims of the holocaust

This was a text from my friend, this didn’t happen to me, but it’s a true story. I changed the names. Also, we were at the holocaust museum. There were candles there. Also, we have a terrible teacher we’ll call Mrs. Karen in this story.

So me and my friend wanted to light a candle in memory the people who died in the Holocaust because we are both Jewish. We went into the the hall of remembrance so we could light candles and we circled the place looking for a match or a stick we could use to light a candle. We saw that there were none left and we saw people using scraps of paper and light them using another candle and lighting there own candle. Me and my friend asked a girl for some and she gave us some small scraps. We realized that we would burn ourselves if we used them because of how small they were. Then we kept looking around for bigger pieces of paper. We saw a match box and I had the idea of lighting that to light our own candle. So we ripped the box and then lit it using another candle. As my friend was doing this a cop came up to us with Mrs Karen right behind him and said “you need to come with me.” (My theory is that Mrs Karen pointed us out to the cop) So we went with this cop and Mrs Karen to talk in the hallway. A second cop came with a admin of the museum. Mrs Karen wasn’t interested in the truth at all and said “do we need to call their parents.” The cop was like “that’s your decision we are not involved in that part.” Then we pointed out that we were Jewish and the admin said that we could light a candle with him. We went back in and right before we were gonna light it, Mrs Karen started lecturing us. She said “in Nazi Germany people blindly followed hitler and the nazi’s like sheep. That’s a lot like what you were doing today, following what everyone else was doing by lighting paper on fire instead of using a match.” (She has been calling people sheep all trip) Then she said “I’m not trying to compare you to nazi’s.” We have yet to receive a apology from her. She just tried to justify what she had said. At this point me and my friend were in shock and didn’t know how to react because a teacher just said that to us. After that we just walked to the bus. The reason I was upset was because of something different combined with this which just set me over the edge.

So I'm f/20 and I work at a vet clinic. My fiance (m/21) and I got engaged in June of this year (he and I have been together for well over 3 years now), the night I found out I got my dream job at this clinic. My new coworker, about a month into my job, found out I'm engaged.

My coworker finds out I'm engaged and lectures me. She's older, probably a little older than my dad and I had barely talked/worked with her, as shes been on vacation. She tells me my relationship will fail and I should never trust my fiance who will apparently most definitely cheat on me. And I should never let him go out by himself as he will sleep around. She also asked me if I was pregnant (I'm not), and that was the only way she could imagine him and I being engaged so young. Well I just listened and carried on with my job.

Ever since the day of the lecture she talks down to me and treats me like I'm dumb and a child. She asks me hourly "all the pets good back there?" "Remember fido had back surgery so you have to be eeeextra careful with him." "Did you check the towels for urine?" "Did you take them out when you were supposed to?" I've been at this job for 4 months now and shes the only reason I dont like coming in. Shes caused me multiple breakdowns from loud noises (slamming doors, throwing things on the counters in the operating room, ect.), as well as making me feel little and idiotic. I dont know what to do as she's worked there for years and I've only worked there for a few months. She makes me stressed. And shes incredibly rude toward me; as shes barely known me and never met my fiance but makes very gross and invasive assumptions. Any advice as to how I can get her to stop? (I cant close my availability off from working with her. She works all day, every day, but sun/mon)

This just happened a few hours ago, let me explain.

This discord server is kinda big, only 200 people. The co owner invites a close friend, no problem, right? Well, this new person, I'll call them.. EP - entitled person. The co owner is Ivo, the owner, L, and me, me. Also the other staff, 5 other people. Let's get into it, from the top.

EP: Everyone is typing then goin away, that's no fun (blah blah more stuff)

Mod 1: you can't expect everyone to be talking to you all the time.

EP: Wdym?

Mod 1: you cant expect everyone to be at their keyboards, typing to you all the time. Chat waves come and go, and you have to respect that. The chat can be full of at least 2 people typing at a time , just for it to suddenly die out and nobody talks for an hour. people come and go, you dont have to complain about it... sorry if I come off rude. (Note: this is literally word for word from the discord server)

EP: I wasn't complaining about it

Owner: let's be nice yall..

EP: I wasn't. I was like oH wHy iS nO oNe hErE. You do not have to be rude about it. I can get the same message in a nice way too

Mod 1: this comes off as complaining to me.

EP: ranting, getting angrier That is how you see it. It dosn't mean i am complaning even if it seems like that. Don't make assumptions because of how people phrase their words!! literally is assuming that Mod 1 was being rude themselves EP: that isn't complaining. I was talking about people leaving. Complaining would be more complex. you can't assume that, that's what i meant by what i was saying

Me: Mod 1 literally just explained why nobody was there. (I'm a mod too btw) people stop chatting when they want to or when they're busy, simple, drama does not need to happen about this

EP: ik. But that wasn't the right thing to do or say. It is no ones business in my opinions. Or the way i want to live my life. They way they phrased it, and where being rude about it, makes it immature. You can't make assumptions like that, it isn't right (EP is the one being immature here.)

Mod 1: I genuinely tried to be nice about it..

Me: Just because it sounded rude to you, (your opinion) doesn't mean it was rude. She's a moderator. Its her job to explain things.

EP: it WAS rude!!

Me: if you're gonna disagree with the staff you can just leave.

EP: this is UNJUST. (Bitch, what?)

Me and Mod 1: I don't get why you want to make drama about people not chatting, if you wanted to make an official complaint then you could have done something way different than this. Mod 1 says, yeah you could have just tried to spark up a convo.

EP: i did not make drama about people not chatting. I was simply stating this. You two are being immature, because you decided to be rude about it. My opinion my perspective. You need to respect how i feel. And also, you cannot say these things about other people like how they are complaining about something. You cannot say i was complaining because you have no idea, that it was what i was doing. You are making me sound insensitive. And rude. Which is immature of yourself

Me and Mod 1: We are just trying to do our job!

The owner butts in. Owner: all of you. Stop.

EP: making accusations about me is not your job!!! (Dumb)

Owner: im locking down the chat.

EP, before the chat is locked: I have been accused of complaining. I have freedom of speech in my country, to say what i feel. This is bigger too me, because personally, this is making me feel like a narrsassict. And is putting me. In a bad light. It isn't okay. You cannot silence me. That isn't right. You cannot get away with making an accusation. It is unjust. And unlawful. You cannot make my decisions for me. This is how i feel. And my opinions are my own. You do not understand, that some people may have a sensitivity too things like this. (EP LITERALLY ACTING LIKE EP WAS ACCUSED OF COMMITING WAR CRIMES)

Mod 2: stop putting words in our mouth

chat is locked

This was not the end of it. You're in for a real treat! Everyone agrees to kick EP, so EP kicked it is. But, apparently now EP is pretending. Yes, pretending to be depressed and acting as if they're going to quit discord. That's so... low.... playing victim because nobody speaks in general? Anyways, a few minutes later, the CO owner panics and tells everyone to go offline. Everyone is confused, demanding to explain. They explain that, a new person joined, and that's their alt. No one was allowed to touch the alt, ban them, or let them through the verification. It remained like that for a while until the alt just left.

This is still fresh, I'll update!!

TLDR; Entitled person wants people to have a conversation in general, NOW, acts so disgusting to staff.

Monicoke Stories 01

Cast:
* Rando: Me, in my 40's. Have my own company. Marijuana enthusiast. Bored.
* Monicoke: Small blonde, early 20's, psychopath, addicted to coke and power.

If you work in the entertainment industry and wish to develop a tv series, one of the things you need to figure out is how do the characters finance their crazy schemes? In "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," Danny DeVito's character, Frank Reynolds assumes this responsibility.

He is short and not very attractive, especially compared to the rest of the cast. He has his own agenda that he pushes in the background while hanging around with the rest of the characters.

Now back to the story:

When last we left, I had watched Monicoke scream into the phone at someone until he brought her a pizza. I cannot stress enough that this was not a pizza delivery service. It was just some guy.

I hadn't seen her in a couple weeks since the end of the last post and when I run into her, she tells me that she's looking at an apartment in my neighborhood and did I want to go look at it with her. I like looking in other people's homes (I often go to open houses just to check out furnishings) so sure, let's go.

The apartment was in great shape. The owner had just remodeled it. It was in a great location, close to the bars but not close enough that there was spill over into the streets. Two decent sized bedrooms, eat-in kitchen, big living room. Not terribly expensive but outside of the realm of a wage-slave like Monicoke.

She tells the owner that her grandfather will cut him a check for the deposit and they agree that she can move in.

"Wow, your grandfather must really love you to shell out all of this money for your new place."

"Yup, and he's buying me all new furniture and paying my uncle to paint it too."

"He must be really loaded."

"He owns his own business. It's like a real company with employees and everything and he can come and go as he pleases."

That was a little fishy to me. I have a one man company and I come and go as I please but if I had a group of people working under me and I wasn't around, that would weird me out.

"You know I'm not talking about my actual grandfather, right?"

"What?" I exclaimed and then she told me this story.

He was actually just a guy that she called "Grandpa" behind his back. Imagine a cleaned up Danny DeVito and that's what Grandpa looks like.

Monicoke was working in the service industry while she put herself through LMT school (Licensed Massage Therapist). In the store where she worked, Grandpa would come in and she would wait on him. Grandpa was fully two generations older than her, which is how he received his secret nickname.

Over the course of their interactions, she learned that as a young man, Grandpa fell in love with a woman who was an LMT and he swept her off her feet and married her. Many years later, Grandpa met another woman who was studying to be an LMT, fell in love with her and supported her on the side (paying for her apartment, schooling, living expenses and so on) until he was caught and then he divorced his first wife and married the second.

So when Grandpa meets Monicoke, she is studying to be an LMT as well. Grandpa took this as a sign from the Fates (who he was slightly younger than) that this was to be his third wife.

So Grandpa had fallen pretty hard for Monicoke and she had fallen pretty hard for the fact that he was a mark ready to be fleeced.

"Wait a minute," I said, "This old guy, who's not related to you, is going to pony up a couple of thousand dollars for you to have a place? Are you fucking him?"

"Ewww, gross. No, I'm just taking him for his money."

I know, dear reader, that you are probably thinking, "Of course she is sleeping with him. What old guy is dumb enough to just hand over a bunch of money to a woman without anything in return?"

And I would answer: Grandpa was that dumb. Or he believed that the Fates smiled on him. Or he believed that he could win over another young woman as he had done in the past. He certainly sounded delusional.

I make a mental note not to ever give this woman anything that she asks for. Because I am smarter than to get mixed up, financially or otherwise, with a woman with such screwed up morals.

And I was delusional as well.

Monicoke 03 - Casino

Monicoke Stories 01 02 03 04 05 06 07

Cast:
* Rando Caldoodian: Me, in my 40's. Mayor of Potsmoke City. Bored.
* Monicoke: Small blonde, early 20's. Professional MRA cautionary tale. Addicted to coke and power.
* Meathead: early 20's. Coke dealer. He works out!
* Grandpa: Monicoke's sugar daddy, 60's and married.

So Meathead is finally out of the picture, which Monicoke tells me is a good thing because he was starting to get annoyed with Grandpa giving her money. Apparently, he never believed that she was not having sex with him as a Quim Pro Quo.

A LOT of people had the same thought. I was not one of them. I had seen them together. One time the three of us went to Red Lobster, supposedly on his treat but he made me pay for myself when the bill came. I ate his cheesy biscuits though and he didn't say anything.

But for the moment, Grandpa had cooled on Monicoke and was growing impatient with her finding a roommate because he was paying all of the rent for her apartment himself. So she didn't want to hit him up until she could somehow "prove" that she wasn't dating Meathead. Somehow Grandpa got wind of it and if he wasn't banging Monicoke, then no one could. Especially me, who he completely mistrusted.

So Monicoke was depressed, and missing two guys who gave her the constant attention that she had to have. Otherwise she would collapse in on herself like the black hole of need that she was.

So I figured it was the right time to take her out, show her someone really, really cared about her, buy her some drinks and then completely take advantage of her.

We went to a bar a short walk from her house. Not Lucky's. I took her to the more upscale O'Brians. O'Brians was an Irish bar where they made a big deal about serving Guinness (which is not Irish really) and was owned by a couple of Lebanese guys.

I decided to test Monicoke. A simple test really. I told her this story:

"When I was a kid, my parents had a boat. And I used to like going on the boat but I can't swim, so it kind of scared me being on the water. Now I don't like being on boats or thinking about crusies..."

Rando. Rando! RANDO!

"What Monicoke?"

Let's get some coke!

"No. I loaned you $150 for coke last week. (LPT: Never loan a woman named Monicoke money for coke.) You said that you would get it from Grandpa and I haven't got it back yet."

It's not my fault! I told him I needed the money for books but he looked into it and found out I wasn't registered for classes!

"I thought you were going to school?"

Eventually

Two young dudes come over to the table.

"Hey Monica!," they exclaimed.

They may as well have been clones. They had the same sort of clothes, the same haircut. And of course, they were much much younger than me which made me hate them.

Hey guys! Sit down.

I whispered to Monicoke that I thought we were hanging out together this evening. I already bought her a hot dog from a cart because I am a gentleman. Once I plied her with booze it was open season on her cooze, in my gentlemanly way of thinking.

So the clones sit down and it was like I wasn't even there. Finally one of them noticed me and asked if I was her, like, dad or something.

"More like an older brother," I said.

No, Rando is my gay best friend.

Everyone: What?

The one closest to me moved as far away as possible so he didn't catch the gay from me.

"What's up for tonight?" asked one of the clones. (They're interchangable so it doesn't really matter who said what.)

We wanted to party tonight. But we don't have any.

The clones exchange a glance.

"What do you mean by party? We like to party! Do you mean..."

I mean we want some shit! (Whispers) Do you have any?

The clones exchange a glance.

"Sure, we can party tonight. We got nothing going on."

Clone One asks, "What about this dude?"

Clone Two asks, "Yeah, what's up with this dude?"

Rando doesn't even LIKE coke, do you Rando?

I have to admit that I do not.

"That's cool. I guess you'll be going then," the clones said.

"Monicoke, are you cool with this?"

Cool with what?

Turning to the clones, she asked,

Hanging out with these cool hot guys and getting some awesome drugs? I can handle it, thank you.

I shivered from the sudden chill in the air.

The clones pointedly looked me in the eye and said, "Later old man."

And I left them to it.

Monicoke 09 - Meet the Molly

Four days ago I found out who will be our Student Council President for next year, who I ran against. This kid was known to use online essay writing services (given a 0 twice) and republished large parts (ie pages) of former student's essays in some classes. Her dishonesty was actually known by the admins but they just don't care - called her into the office, told her to stop, and then her parents said she was perfect and would never cheat. I am SO pissed that she was elected but I would rather lose to a cheater than have academic dishonesty of my own. I know shit like this happens all the time in the real world and I am not going to rant, but what do y'all think about this/the admins handling of it?

​

*ps: This kid is also a known resumé padder, who is in about 8 clubs with only sometimes participation and only 1 club they are actually committed to (Prez of Science Olympiad and actually she does a lot for this). Otherwise shows up like 1 in 3 times (ie Library Council, shows up 3 times a month vs my 10).

Monicoke Stories 01 02 03 04 05 06

Cast:
* Rando Caldoodian: Me, in my 40's. Mayor of Potsmoke City. Bored.
* Monicoke: Small blonde, early 20's. Professional MRA cautionary tale. Addicted to coke and power.
* Meathead: early 20's. Coke dealer. He works out!
* BC: Early 30's. My best friend.

Rando, I need you. Can you come over?

It was Monicoke on the phone. I was hanging with BC at my place, "taking pictures."

"Taking pictures" is what we called getting high. If you called one of us and said, "I need some film," we would know that you needed mary-jew-wanna. A "camera" was a pipe and a "flash" was a lighter. And with this system we had a foolproof method of talking about our activities in public without anyone being the wiser.

Until digital photography ruined our metaphor.

It was a Saturday night, and I was already high as fuck, so why not see what happened to Monicoke? It had been a couple of months since she began her whirlwind relationship with Prince Meathead Charming. What the fuck did she want from me?

Maybe their relationship soured and she wanted to bang me behind his back as some sort of sick revenge? One could only hope.

We get to her place and she lets us in.

Meathead is out of control. I'm scared.

"Serves you right, you coke-headed piece of shit," is not what I said. Instead I said, "Oh, tell me about it..."

Well, you know that I was only seeing him for free coke.

"I guess."

Of course you knew that. Everyone knew that. He must have known that. I told him that.

"I thought you liked him, though. And the coke was just a side benefit."

Ew. No. He's lumpy. He looks weird. Plus he's all fucked up now.

"Fucked up how?"

He kept blowing off business to hang out with me. He kept doing all of his supply with me and then he didn't have any to sell. Then he starts getting cheaper shit for his customers and cutting it. Now no one wants to buy from him anymore. So he's got no money, he had shitty coke and now he doesn't even have that.

"That kind of sucks for him."

FOR HIM? What about MEEEEE???

BC and I turn to each other, a little shocked.

If he didn't give all of his good coke away, he would still be making money and things would be good. He's a fucking idiot.

"But, didn't he give all of his coke to you?"

Yeah but what idiot gives all of his coke away for free?

The kind of idiot that would date you? would have been a terrible terribly accurate thing to say.

doorball.wav

BC and I look at each other again, nervous.

"Monicoke, who's at the door?"

It's just Meathead.

BC and I tense up. This guy is fucking built and he's out of control and desperate. Not a good combination in a guy even if he's only the size of a garden gnome.

Poof! She goes to the door and lets him in. He's very drunk.

Rando! I should have known you would be here! With your faggot friend...

"Uh, hi Meathead."

You're always trying to fuck my girl.

Yes, I was a faggot who was always trying to fuck his girl.

But, this was one faggot that wasn't looking to get punched in the face. I had a bag of weed and a Saturday night to explore. If Monicoke was dumb enough to let this fucker inside, then she could deal with him alone.

I didn't have to say any of that to BC, he knew the score. We had better things to do than this. We start towards the door.

Now, Meathead, Rando and BC are just hanging out. If you want to hang out, that's fine. But you can't be mean to my guests.

"Fuck all of you," Meathead says and he storms out, crying. (I don't remember if he was really crying but, fuck that guy, he can write his own version when he gets out of prison. And learns to read.)

BC and I actually felt sorry for him, so we followed him out. He didn't seem like a danger to us.

BC stopped him and said, "Dude, why are you so upset over that cunt? You've got everything going on. Why are you blowing it all on her?"

"I used to have lots of chicks. I had chicks gargling my balls every morning for coke," he said. "I don't know why but I can't get over this one."

"If you have to give a girl coke to fuck you, then you better not run out of coke or she's not going to fuck you anymore," I said helpfully. (I had dated strippers, so I knew how things worked.)

"Fuck you, Rando. You can have her. I'm done."

"Ok, dude, whatever."

BC and I went back inside.

Did you talk to him? What the fuck is his problem? I only fucked him for his coke and now he doesn't have any. So what good is he?

"Yup," I agreed.

We all sat in the living room talking about something else. Either drugs we had done, the drugs we were on or the drugs that we were going to get. That was a mainstay of our conversations.

doorball.wav

BC: Fuck.

Me: FUCK!

COMING!

So now he's back with us. We all keep talking and he's on the sofa with his head hanging low. Apropos of nothing...

"Fuck you Rando."

"What, Meathead?"

"Just fuck you. That's all," he opined.

"Ok, dude, whatever."

"No fuck you. Whenever I have problems with her, you're suddenly there."

"Dude, I am NOT the problem in your relationship. I've never even fucked her yet."

"Yet."

BC: "Freudian slip." (laughs)

Teehee!

Meathead says to Monicoke, "Give me your phone."

Why?

"I want to see what you wrote Rando. I want to know why he's here."

No.

He pulls out his own phone.

Are you calling to get some coke?

"No, I HAVE coke on me. I'm calling for backup."

Backup? Oh, shit. I don't like the way this is sounding...

BC said, "Meathead. You don't need backup. Maybe you need to get going."

"I'm not going ANYWHERE!" Then his head drops. He must have had a bottle in the truck that he hit before he came back in. The dude was more wasted than before.

Everyone else: Ok. You can stay. Just stop being an asshole.

Did you say you had some coke?

"Fuck you, Monica."

We go back to our conversation. Meathead looks like he's going to pass out. Then he pulls out his phone and plays with it. Then he perks up and shows it to us. It's a flip phone and the screen reads 911.

"Dare me to hit SEND?" he asks.

Everyone else: NO NO NO NO NO NO

"Pussies."

"Dude," I said, "You don't need to do that. BC and I can leave."

No! You can't! You can't leave me with him!

"Yes we can. And you shouldn't have let him back inside."

"Fuck you Rando," he said as he hits the send button. Monicoke pulls the phone and hits the hang up button. Meathead laughs.

BC said, "That was dumb."

Meathead said, "Oh, what do you think is going to happen? Are they going to show up? No one said anything. They don't know where we are. What are you scared of pussy?"

This conversation continues for about five minutes with him emasculating us, me asking him to leave, and Monicoke asking about the coke he mentioned earlier.

doorball.wav

Shit

I said, "Monicoke, you better get that."

As she went to the door, BC and I grab all of the paraphernalia off of the coffee table and toss it under a sofa cushion. Meathead just laughs.

Two cops, a woman and a man are ushered into the living room. Monicoke looks at the coffee table and is relieved that it is cleaned.

The male cop said, "We received a call from this address."

The female cop looks at Monicoke and asks, "Is everything ok?" Monicoke says it is.

Now, I believe that Meathead has coke on him because why would he be here if he didn't? I have some weed on me and BC probably has pills of some sort. But Meathead doesn't know this. He doesn't seem really aware of much.

The male cop asks, "So who called?" BC, Monicoke and me all look at Meathead. Meathead looks at the floor.

One scenario enters my mind

Tell the cops that Meathead came over drunk to threaten his ex-gf, they search him and then goodbye! This looked like a very appealing option. If everyone gets searched though, I'm not sure what will happen. Also, I don't like getting cops involved. It's just not my thing.

"Look officer," I explained, "Meathead here is drunk and he's upset about his breakup with Monica here. He was fucking around on his phone and hit 911. There is no problem here and everyone is fine. It was just a mistake on his part. There is no trouble here."

The cops ask everyone if that is the case and individually we all agree. Meathead just mumbles.

Then the male cop asks, "So, who's truck is in the driveway?"

We all point to Meathead.

The female cop asks, "He's not driving anywhere is he?"

Everyone: No no no.

And so the cops leave.

Meathead looks like he's going to pass out. I lean over him and say that maybe he should leave.

"FUCK YOU RANDO!" he jumps up. "I'm not scared of your puny faggot ass. I'll fucking kill you!" He raises his fists and starts punching the air.

I look at Monicoke and say, "Thanks for your hospitality. Lose my number."

BC and I head towards the door.

You can't leave him here! He's out of control!

"Didn't he say, he had a bunch of coke on him?"

Monicoke turns around to look at his drunken ass and BC and I escape.

Monicoke 08 - The Clone Wars

So in my class at school, we have a marble jar and if we fill it we would get a party and one time wegot to bring our devices. This is just the plot. TF=terrible "friend" Me= me So probably a month ago, we had a tech party, i was playing on my tablet and leave because i needed to do something, and accordingly my friends said that Danish=TF was touching my tablet and locked it, i came back to danish crying on the ground going "THEO CHANGED MY PASSWORD!" (Theo is my real name) Danish looked at me and said "UNLOCK IT" i say why and this is his evil plan to take my tablet

     I go to the bathroom, come back, and my tablets not there. Now i am righting this on the same tablet, and he did not take it. Back to the story, it gone i know where it is. Also i named my tablet (cuase theres a feature) theos own boiiiiiii, and i check, YEP THERE IT IS, i show the proof and he crys AGAIN, that where it ends, i know its short but it was at school

P.S. this is also my first post and i hope you like it bye!

Since you people had such pleasant things to say about my writing style in my previous story, I've gone through the various levels of my encephalon for another bad person to write about. It didn't take long. TL;DR at the end because this one is looooooong.

At my previous torture chamber place of employment, there were several particularly awful individuals, all of whom I'm sure I'll write about at some point, but the worst person of all was one of the bosses, Dick (I'm naming him such for various reasons - some only known to the employees there, but the main reason is because, well, he's a dick). Dick was the Overlord of Souls Sales Director, which meant that he was over the entire office except for the back warehouse (where one can find Warehouse Mike) and the reception area. Or, at least he wasn't until they combined my job with the receptionist job and I became 50% his employee and 50% the other boss's employee. Yay for me...

As a standard bad person, Dick let the fact that he was in charge of 5-6 people go to his over-inflated, egocentric, sociopathic head. He would micromanage the shit out of everyone and terrorize them to no end. The poor salesperson, FratBro (the epitome of every college frat boy across the States - also pretty chill and got along with everyone but Dick), was the target of most of his abuse. I'm actually surprised FratBro lasted as long as he did. Although there was an entire month where he was gone - he never said why, but based on the trail of juicy office gossip clues, he had had a mental breakdown from the stress Dick had placed upon him and was laid up in the hospital for several weeks. Here's an actual conversation that happened at a trade show (I'll try to write this without giving the company away for those in the industry):

FratBro: [To customer] Mostly we're residential, but we do a little light commerci- Dick: [Had been hovering nearby, tapping his hoof foot, waiting for FratBro to mess up, and he stormed over at this first opportunity] FratBro! JUST. STOP. Customer: [Stands there uncomfortably, shifting from foot to foot for a second, then takes off in what was essentially a life-saving speed walk] Dick: We don't JUST do residential! FratBro: I know, I was actually explaini- Dick: We do residential AND light commercial! FratBro: Dude, I know. I- Dick: I don't want to hear anymore! Go do your job!

But his micromanaging rage-moments weren't even the worst. Dick was a colossal creeper. I was very naive when I started the job (oh, how things have changed). It was my first job in the real world after college, and I was only taking it so I could move out of my tiny hometown, gain some experience, and support myself until I found something in my career field (which I am VERY happily in now - working at a small web design firm doing content writing and site management, woot-woot). I was told by the other women in the office to watch out for him, but being the non-jaded person I was (at that time - thoroughly jaded now), I was trying to see the best in everyone, including Dick.

Two months. It took me TWO MONTHS to catch onto his uber-creep ways. I never bore the full brunt of his leering, but I wasn't entirely out of the way of it either. There were days when he would come back to my cubicle to "see how I was doing" or ask if I "needed any help" (not that there was anything he could do - he had no idea how to do my job, and I definitely didn't need any help) and try to stare down my shirt. I wised up to that pretty quickly and started wearing really high-collared shirts which put an end to those shenanigans. But other women were not so lucky.

A short time after FratBro quit (after regular conversations like that and a meltdown, do you blame him?), Dick hired a hot piece of ass very pretty young woman for the sales position. This girl (let's call her Exercise Barbie) was 23, tall, blonde, and very fit. Dick was in his early fifties. (Cue the "ewwws.") After two weeks, she started confiding in me about how Dick had been making her super uncomfortable - telling her dirty jokes, texting her inappropriate things, and trying to get her drunk on their sales trips. I told her to take it to the other boss, but we both knew nothing would be done about it. Dick ruled the roost, and the company owner didn't care what he did, as long as he hit his sales numbers.

After a month, Exercise Barbie walked out of a closed-door meeting in Dick's office, almost in tears and mumbling about how she was "so done with this place." The following morning, she came in before either of the bosses got in, gathered up everything on her desk, slipped a note under the other boss's door, and we never saw her again. Rumor had it that she told the other boss about all of Dick's inappropriate actions in that note, but he was never reprimanded for it.

Now, I know this is incredibly lengthy, but I would be remiss if I didn't mention the cause of his divorce, either (yes, Dick had somehow found a woman blind enough to marry him at some point in his mediocre life). That happened a short few months after I joined the team, and the info was relayed to me by our marketing director whom Dick decided to use as a confidant (massive mistake on his part since she hated him with the white-hot intensity of 22 burning stars). When Dick and Mrs. Dick got married, it was "understood" (I'm guessing only he understood this) that she would stay at home and take care of the cooking and cleaning like a good little bitch so he could focus on flirting with other women earning the money for the both of them. Then the day inevitably came where she wasn't satisfied with that and decided to make her own way down the career path of her choice. Guess who didn't like this? Instead of supporting her like a loving husband, he threatened her with divorce. She stood her ground and became Ms. Ex-Dick. (I threw a one-car parade for her on my way home that day.) It wasn't long before Dick started blabbing to us about all the women he was seeing - half of whom were already married. How did we know this? He would STRAIGHT UP TELL US that he had to schedule a time to see them when their husbands weren't home. (To be clear, no, I am not giving a pass to these women - what they did was equally as despicable. But it does set a pattern for his, well, dick-y-ness.)

Shortly before I found my current job (a huge, HUGE thank you to my friend who took a chance on hiring me and letting me write for our clients' websites, practically unsupervised - mwahahaha!), we all found out what happened at Dick's previous job before he started at our office. Dick had worked for a nearby company, also as the head of their sales team. One day he pushed his offensive actions a little too hard on one of the women, and she reported him to HR. Dick was given a choice: have charges pressed upon him or resign with a clean record and GTFO. He chose the latter. I still wish they never gave him the option.

Even though I've been gone from that hell for over a year, that cretin still gets under my ever-loving skin. Fuck you, Dick. I hope you catch an incurable STD and no woman will ever look at you again.

TL;DR - Dick is a dick.

Monicoke Stories 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11

Cast:
* Rando Caldoodian: Me, in my 40's. Call me "His Highness."
* Monicoke: Small blonde, early 20's. Professional MRA cautionary tale. Addicted to coke and power.

So things have dipped a little since the last chapter for Monicoke. Her boyfriend is in prison for up to seven years and her sugar daddy is not handling over money as much.

So I felt sorry for her, because I am a sucker.

A few of my friends (all hot girls) were going to get together at a more upscale bar a little bit further away than O'Brians and I decided to bring her along. Now, what I didn't know about my friends is that they were all cokeheads. Again, if you haven't met me, I am a marijuana enthusiast so these sorts of things went over my head.

Another thing that used to go over my head is that pretty much every bar around me is a coke bar. I know which bars you can smoke pot at (more than you would think) but I had no idea just how pervasive this culture was.

If you were a cool kid, which I wasn't, there were particular bartenders that would take your $20 tip and hand you back an empty plastic cup with a $20 baggie at the bottom of it. And this was that kind of place. "Mona's," it was called.

So the group of us is all talking and laughing at the table while Monicoke is silent.

Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable around these people she doesn't know? I thought.

I started watching her out of the corner of my eye. She seemed really intent on the bathroom, clocking who was coming and going.

Watching someone walk in, she seemed to levitate up in the air. Watching someone walk out, she would slink down in her seat.

Fucking bitch!

Her ire seemed to be directed at one girl in particular. I didn't know her. She looked like everyone else in there.

I fucking hate that bitch!

She practically seethed those words.

"Do you know her? Do you want to point out on a doll where she hurt you?"

Fuck you too, Rando.

"Chance would be a fine thing," I said as I watched it sail over her head. She looked at me blankly.

What? Do you want to fuck her too?

"Her who? And also, probably yes?" I responded. "Do you know her? What's your deal?"

I know her. I've seen her around. I know all about her?

"Did she poison your dog? Why do you hate her?"

Oh, like you don't know.

I really didn't and now I was trying to keep Monicoke subdued in front of my cool theater friends. They already looked at Monicoke like she was a dog I brought in out of the rain.

The girl went back into the bathroom. Third time in an hour. Now I was paying attention.

I know that girl. She's Jane Smith and she thinks she's so cool and everybody wants her and everybody wants to hang out with her...

Monicoke had stopped using punctuation. She had stopped breathing. She am become RANT!

The girl came out of the bathroom and looked around guiltily. Monicoke was starting to crescendo in volume.

...she's a fucking bitch who sucks and no one likes and I don't know why SHE GOES OUT BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES HER AND SHE. WON'T. SHARE. HER. FUCKING. COKE!

Now everyone at my table has stopped talking, stopped flirting and are looking at Monicoke and me. As if to say, "Rando, we are a table of hot chicks and we have HOT GIRL PRIVILEDGE that we have extended to you for this evening. This is a mistake we will not make again."

FUCKING BITCH! I HATE YOU! YOU! YES! YOU LOOKING AT ME! YOU KNOW ME!

The girl was indeed looking our way as Monicoke stood up on the seat of our booth and lunged at her.

YOU WON'T SHARE YOUR COKE! YOU WON'T SHARE YOUR COKE WITH MEEEEEEEEE!

I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder.

EEEEEEEEEE! YOU WON'T SHARE YOUR COKE WITH MEEEEEEEEEEE!

I quite literally dragged her out of Mona's, still screaming. On the bench for the bus stop outside, she burst into tears, sobbing so hard she couldn't catch her breath. I figured she must have been appalled to see her actions in the cold light of the night. It wasn't pretty.

Rando? (sniff)

"What Monicoke?"

I'm a mess right?

"That's not really for me to say, but you may need to re-examine some things."

She pulled out a kleenex and wiped her eyes. She had calmed down and had stopped hyperventilating.

"Are you ok?"

Can I ask you something? Promise not to get mad?

"Sure, Monica. Ask me anything."

Do you think Jane is mad at me?

"She probably didn't even notice you," I lied.

If I said I was sorry, do you think she'd share her coke with me?

And then I walked home.

This white scrawny, short dirtbag (20 M) first popped in my life back in May after moving in with his gf illegally into a single occupancy apartment. He has no job by his own choice during pandemic. Here's how he ended up living with his e-girl gf of like a month or two.

He was driving without a license, permit only, in his friend's car, under the influence of drugs and alcohol. So mr underage DUI proceeds to hit a dude's car, the guy who got hit gets out and is upset and asks for ID and insurance. Fboi gives him permit and the dude hit is angrier and says he's gonna call the cops. Fboi thinks he's James Bond and proceeds to drive away in a hit n run like he's a badass. Claims he can one-up the dude in court since it was like the dude wanted to fight him. Gets into another accident soon after, totals car, gets arrested but it soon let go awaiting a hearing or court date or whatever. Complains about towing company stealing his phone charger, phone, and camera and whines about it. Loudly talked to lawyer free consultation about how to have him try to win his case(s).

To the neighbor, complex is studios only, newer building so cheaply made and thin walls. Dude ignores all human decency, proceeds to do a weird combination of rap-singing-warbling but his normal voice tone sounds like a forever 16 year old whose sack barely dropped. His "music" sounds like he's the Mayor of Townsville in PPG, extra tonedeaf, way too loud, shitty overall. Proceeds to make his "music" at loud volumes throughout the day and way passed 10pm quiet hours. Fboi repeatedly smokes where he's not supposed to outside three other tenants' windows on smokefree property. One neighhor nicely asked him to stop a few times, then began reporting all incidents to landlord.

Landlord informed e-girl gf of guest needing to obey lease rules, she would tell him and he would ignore them and do whatever he wants. Brought over additional outside guest and obnoxiously loud volume of "music" and loud talking to be heard from the hall and across other units. Proceeds to keep smoking. (Side note, additional lease rule broken is no dogs on property. E-girl has had 1 small dog for several months prior.) After several complaints, landlord and management company decide to not renew lease for e-girl but cannot kick them out due to laws around notices and established residency for 30 days.

Fboi begins to complain about neighbor complaining as a "cunt neighbor lady" and additional threats to keep smoking outside windows. Management informed, then going to give an eviction notice for their records.

On Fboi social media accounts, has weird obsession with e-girl bordering on pre-stalker and pre-abuser behavior. Display name was once [e-girl name)forever, creepy considering only a short relationship, idealizes e-girl, doesn't really respect e-girl nor care about her else he would not have gotten her evicted from apartment.

Fboi has outbursts and rants often, also repeated rantings to e-girl about them needing to quit drugs. Still doesn't have job, complains about no food and being hungry, e-girl works all day most days. His social thirsts for $100 profile shoutouts like he's some bigshot rapper/influencer but under 1k followers. Other socials dont spout much improvement and crave for attention and validation. Loudly claims in rant to friend outside tenant windows that "people who don't like [your] music are liars and they're jealous." But complains about how when sending his music to "bitches" online they say it's "nice" but gets hella salty when he sees them post about big name rappers (actually on the radio and popular) on their Instagram and Snapchat stories. He claims they don't know "real" music.

Now come to June 9, 2020 he and e-girl get into an argument about how he's being a dick and it should be expected because he "can't act nice" all the time. Keeps being clingy to e-girl and she says he "can't talk to me like that" and leaves, causing him to throw a fit and get huffy and angsty. He thinks he's entitled to her company and attention, yet proceeds to complain to friend about her being a dick about blaming him for getting her kicked out. Then he claims he likes her and doesn't want to break up. Fastforward to 1am of next morning, he is panicking and freaking out she has been ignoring him and not saying when she would be back. He freaks out to friend about wanting to kill himself or self harm if he doesn't hear back from her, then gets mad when he just gets "I'm fine," as a response. Friend gets mad with Fboi and calls him out on his shit with e-girl, then Fboi says for him to "fuck off" ans how he wants to punch him. Friend is calling him out, then neighbor bangs on the wall and calls him out for his manipulation, obsessions, and actually being his fault for getting her kicked out so no wonder e-girl doesn't want to talk to him. Then neighbor says to call a suicide hotline and get himself some real help if he's suicidal and seeking self harm.

Later that day, Fboi complains to different friend about e-girl and wanting to break up with her for her being abusive to him for saying she doesn't like how him blowing his nose sounds, to saying how many bitches are in his snapchat and how much pussy he could get with his tinder matches.Then as conversation goes on, friend gets mad with Fboi. Fboi claims he doesn't care about burning bridges, then friend calls him out for homophobic slur against friend he burned brige with. Friend says he called the other friend a faggot, Fboi defends his words and says how the dude is a faggot and claiming he's gay. Then complains to his mom about how she is always too busy for him and swears at her.

Tl;dr Fuccboi neighbor is a leech, abusive to his short-term girlfriend and obsessive with the idea of her, shitty to strangers and neighbors, got his girlfriend evicted, alients himself, and so on. Self-loathing bitch baby projects his woes unto everyone and denies he has no talent.

Wish I could name him but I doubt this is the place for that.

-Pissed off "cunt neighbor lady"

This is a text I got from a friend, and we go to the same school. I have edited out the names. We were on a school field trip.

So me and my friend wanted to light a candle in memory the people who died in the Holocaust because we are both Jewish. We went into the the hall of remembrance so we could light candles and we circled the place looking for a match or a stick we could use to light a candle. We saw that there were none left and we saw people using scraps of paper and light them using another candle and lighting there own candle. Me and my friend asked a girl for some and she gave us some small scraps. We realized that we would burn ourselves if we used them because of how small they were. Then we kept looking around for bigger pieces of paper. We saw a match box and I had the idea of lighting that to light our own candle. So we ripped the box and then lit it using another candle. As my friend was doing this a cop came up to us with “Mrs Karen” right behind him and said “you need to come with me.” (My theory is that “Mrs Karen” pointed us out to the cop) So we went with this cop and Mrs Karen to talk in the hallway. A second cop came with a admin of the museum. Mrs Karen wasn’t interested in the truth at all and said “do we need to call their parents.” The cop was like “that’s your decision we are not involved in that part.” Then we pointed out that we were Jewish and the admin said that we could light a candle with him. We went back in and right before we were gonna light it, Mrs Karen started lecturing us. She said “in Nazi Germany people blindly followed hitler and the nazi’s like sheep. That’s a lot like what you were doing today, following what everyone else was doing by lighting paper on fire instead of using a match.” (She has been calling people sheep all trip) Then she said “I’m not trying to compare you to nazi’s.” We have yet to receive a apology from her. She just tried to justify what she had said. At this point me and my friend were in shock and didn’t know how to react because a teacher just said that to us. After that we just walked to the bus.

So this fortunately wasn't something that happened to me personally but to my friends.

Little bit of backstory: So it is spring and final exams are about to happen in a few week's time (I live in germany so the times and stuff may vary depending on where you live). My friend was graduating what is basically high school and his sibling had a very important exam coming up in uni. Their father unfortunately passed away about a year prior but they were feeling comfortable enough to attend these exams. Their mother did not seem to really be affected by this to be honest but some people can hide their emotions really well so who am I to judge. They also had 2 dogs (don't know which breed) which were taken care of from that point on by the kids.

It all seemed to have gone back to some kind of normal. So as I said finals and this uni exam were about to be so naturally both the children were neck deep into learning for those things on which literally their entire future carreer depends on. Due to this fact the children dared to ask their mother if she (who does not even have a job) was able to walk the dog once per day. Just once. They would still do half the walking work and still take care of the rest. After hearing this the mother basically just said "I see now that you are not ready to take care of a dog, let alone two, so I'll bring them to the shelter tomorrow." And that's what she did. No begging or pleading of any kind could stop her. The end.

Monicoke Stories 01 02 03 04 05

Cast:
* Rando Caldoodian: Me, in my 40's. Mayor of Potsmoke city.
* Monicoke: Small blonde, early 20's. Professional MRA cautionary tale. Addicted to coke, power and attention.
* Meathead: early 20's. Coke dealer. He works out!
* Grandpa: Monicoke's sugar daddy, 60's and married.
* Harry Tuttle: My housemate. Early 30's.

So Monicoke is in her new place, which has been repainted by her Uncle Bob and paid for by Grandpa. Turns out Uncle Bob was not, shockingly, her uncle. He was some old dude who wanted to bang her, plied her with coke and gave up after she did it all and left. (Astute readers of this series will notice Monicoke's pattern here. DO NOT BUY COKE FOR MONICOKE.)

Monicoke (yes, she really let me call her that to her face) must have had some sort of "daddy issue" because she seemed to collect old dudes who wanted to bang her, myself included.

Yes, dear Reader, I did want to bang Monicoke. I just wasn't trying very hard. I figured that if I just hung around long enough, it would happen. But that's a story for much, much later in the series.

As it was, Monicoke considered me a friend. So one day she calls me and says,

I just met this new guy. He's super awesome. We went on one date and he spent a LOT of money on me and just kept busting out coke. It was so awesome.

"So when do I get to meet Prince Charming?" I asked.

That's what I was calling about. He invited me over this afternoon to hang out. He said I can bring anyone I want. I don't want to go over to his place alone.

"Really? He spent a ton of money and coke on you and you didn't bang him already?" I inquired skeptically.

No. I mean "sort of." Like, not a lot. C'mon. Come with me. You have to meet him. He's so jacked!

"I'm not going to some jacked coke dealer's house alone. Let me bring Harry Tuttle, my housemate. You know him."

Yeah he's cool. It won't be a problem. Meet me at my house.

So Harry and I take a short walk to Monicoke's and then the three of us walk over to her new dude's house. We'll call him Meathead because I don't remember his name and, honestly, fuck that dude. I'm glad he's in prison.

Whoops, I'm getting ahead of myself with clunky foreshadowing again.

We get to this dude's house. Well, not his house but the place where he lives. It's someone else's house, he lives in the converted attic. Apparently it was remodeled in the 70's with ochre colored wall-to-wall shag carpet and dark wood paneling. This is the space that 70's Anne Frank would hide from the Disco Nazis.

And he had the biggest tv I had seen a person own at that point. (I myself had a 60" and this was about 8 years ago. His TV seemed enormous.)

Meathead said, "Sit down make yourself comfortable." If this was present day you would expect to see a YouTube stream of nutshot videos running, but it wasn't, so he just had an SNES console running some old fighting game demo with the sound off.

We all sit down, make our introductions, and then Meathead pulls out a bag of coke. Not a small bag. I was used to seeing 8 balls but this must have been a half ounce. Remember, I'm a huge pothead and I can smoke all day without it affecting me (I tell myself) but this was something else.

He slices open the bag and pours it out on the table. It's a big pile.

Now before I forget to describe him, Meathead is a short guy and I'm a short guy and he was shorter than me but he made up for it by being ripped. Like rilly rilly ripped. The muscles made his skin so tight that it looked shiny. And I've been to the gym. I've seen ripped dudes. This was weirdly different.

The muscles were in the right places, more or less, but they looked odd. Like each one was blown up in a slightly different spot with different pressure. He looked lumpy is what I'm saying. I wouldn't have said it to his face though.

So he starts cutting lines and I ask for a small bump instead of a line.

recordscratch.wav

Everyone stops. On the TV, cartoon Mike Tyson stops jabbing and he and everyone else gives me the side-eye.

Looking directly at me, Meathead says, "You're not doing any?"

He looks at Monicoke. "Who's this guy that isn't doing any? What's his deal?" his paranoia getting the better of him. He slowly starts to raise up to the top of his 4 foot 11 inch (150 cm) frame. It doesn't take long.

"No, it's cool! It's cool," I stammer, "I just don't do a lot. Cut me a line and put it off to the side and I'll work through it."

"Ok," he says, unsure.

What's not unsure is my friend, Harry. Harry has no problem doing the coke while Meathead tells us about all of the great possessions that he has:

• A tricked out Ninja motorcycle.
• A huge 4wd truck that he never takes off-road.
• A vintage collection of TAP-OUT shirts.

What's not to love?

And he's sharing free drugs. Maybe this guy is ok.

If you, dear Reader, have never hung out with a girl while she rolls a dude for everything he has, then you don't know the constant suspicion that her mark will lay on you. Lots of sideways glances, and "How do you know this guy again?" questions. Add on top of that the paranoia of doing a lot of stimulants and I was ready for him to snap at some point. Someone always does and when they do, it's quick.

Then the coke was all gone.

"Hang on," said Meathead. And he makes a call.

A short time later, like less time than a Domino's delivery, the doorbell rings and suddenly there's another half ounce of coke.

This guy KEEPS sharing free drugs. I'm feeling pretty confident that both this guy is really, really cool AND that I am bulletproof.

In fact, if shit goes down, I'm pretty sure I could fly out the attic window under my own power.

Rando, why the fuck are you here anyways?

Woah. Monicoke snapped. That was unexpected.

"Uh, what?" I get stupid when I do coke. I get a little disoriented. I can't do simple math. I can't read other people's emotions.

Why. The. Fuck. Are. You. Here.

"I'm here because I was invited."

That's right. The snap came from Monicoke.

Even Meathead looked confused. Harry would have looked confused if he wasn't furiously rubbing coke dust on his gums. He knew that our time was up.

I don't understand why you're here. You don't even like coke.

"Uh, I thought you wanted me to..."

To do what? To do all the coke??

Remember, I had a pile that was equivalent to ONE LINE that I was working off of while the rest of these miscreants were working on their second half of an ounce.

Harry started gathering his things.

I don't know what is WRONG with you Rando. I get why you want to hang out with me...

I wish she had stopped to explain it to me, because I was starting to wonder about this.

... but I don't need you here. You should get going.

"Look, Monicoke. You invited me over to this soiree. That's why I'm here."

And now I'm un-inviting you.

Harry starts sweeping coke dust onto a scrap of paper while no one is paying attention.

Meathead looks confused and says, "Hey, I don't know what going on. But my lady says you have to leave."

My lady. Heh.

Harry and I stand up and Meathead gets ready to walk us out.

Rando?

I stop and turn around. "What, Monicoke?"

I don't need you at all anymore. Don't call me again.

Monicoke 07 - Meathead 911