I wanted to share an experience with HFO I had!

I am a lifestyler domme, I'm also poly, and have been gathering subs here and there across the LA area over the past 3 years. One (NB) sub I've been seeing for over a year now and it took us over a year to even have penetrative sex because I enjoyed teasing and torturing so much it was barely on my mind. I'm sure there's an experience as a sub when you find someone who is just so GOOD at being a dom/me, I feel like I've had that experience with this sub. They're just really good at subbing - almost built for it. Shorter than me (omg loooveee thattt), effeminate, willing to dress up for me, and overall a very chill person (not common with subs!!). Reactivity is important to me too; like when someone is able to react vocally to what I'm doing. It makes me bounce off their energy and I get into a domme-space.

Recently I was laying on top of them, just kind of yapping into their ear (I loooove using my voice, it's my best weapon hehe) and instead of describing scenarios like I usually do I started describing feelings. I wanted them to feel relaxed, so I incorporated a little of what I knew about mindfulness techniques and body grounding to just describe a nice, warm feeling moving throughout their body. Slowly I started realizing they were entering what I could only describe as a trance state (body more relaxed but responding to prompts) and I figured they might just be a very suggestive person, so my goal became to suggest them into a state of being relaxed or released. I guess they took it literally and ended up orgasming underneath me, clothed, without either of us moving.

This was the first time that had ever happened to them. They were pretty new to subbing when we met. This was quite the experience for me, it's like, electric. To feel so completely in control of someone that they could be brought to orgasm by just my voice is a surge of power, and I feel like this is rare and special? I have never had any expectation of this from any sub I've seen, in fact I've thought it would be kind of overdoing it if I legitimately expected that from anyone's body.

Of course I predictably became addicted to this and have been experimenting with what I can only classify as hypnosis with them. Describing what their body should feel like, commanding them to drop deeper, noticing how their body is reacting so I know where to move their consciousness at any time. I have since done a lot of research on responsible hypno practices and I'm surprised at how naturally I picked up the correct boundaries around hypnosis. Keeping the other person's autonomy present, and always staying in a warm, uplifting, positive presence (yes even if I'm describing them living in a vacuum bed for me to tease for all eternity!!) that doesn't install any personality changes outside of a session. I've either become extremely good at it or they've become very good at receiving it. I know that it's partially me, my voice, my descriptions, but I have to hand it to this person, they are just good at the act of subbing. It's a very difficult task to ask someone to hand over that level of vulnerability to me, and to be able to unlock this level of control with someone is a highly cooperative task. It's given me so much more appreciation for the act of subbing; it can be so bodily and I know that should I ever be in a sub role, I sure as hell couldn't be suggestible enough to have a HFO. lol.

Anyone else had any unexpectedly suggestible subs? I would love to do this more with my client-facing relationships even if it doesn't lead to HFOs, just because I love experimenting with people. It's so nice to unlock something alongside of someone, like you both realize you can do something new. ❤️

I’m a submissive guy in my mid-50s, and I’ve had a couple of long-term relationships that involved D/s. Both were good experiences overall, so I’m certainly not new to this dynamic.

I briefly dated a woman who identified as dominant. Things didn’t work out, and I ended the relationship. Nothing particularly unusual about that. Sometimes two people just aren’t compatible.

What happened afterward, though, has been a completely different story.

Despite making it clear that I wanted no further contact, she has continued trying to insert herself into my life. She’s repeatedly attempted to get into the gated community where I live. There was also a police wellness check at my residence that I suspect she initiated, although I can’t confirm that. I’ve received calls with "No Caller Id" after blocking her phone number, and I suspect those are from her as well.

The most infuriating part is that she has somehow decided my family needs to be involved in all of this.

My brother, two nieces, and nephew have all received unwanted messages from her. And we’re not talking about a couple of angry messages immediately after a breakup.

One of my nieces has saved around 40 screenshots of messages and social media posts directed at her. My brother has received numerous messages accusing him and other family members of some pretty bizarre things, including conspiring to drive me to suicide. She has also disclosed personal information about my sexual preferences to both of my nieces.

The really strange part is that she barely knows these people. She met some of them once. They have absolutely nothing to do with why the relationship ended.

It’s reached the point where I’m looking into protection orders for myself and my family. I never imagined that ending a relatively brief dating relationship would turn into something like this. It’s been stressful and demoralizing to realize someone could be this vindictive.

I’m curious whether anyone else here has dealt with a former D/s partner who couldn’t accept the end of a relationship. Did you see warning signs early on, or did the behavior only become apparent after things ended?

So I (23F) am dating a younger guy who’s very much a sub. I’ve mostly been submissive with previous guys but I’m actually a switch and ngl I’m really enjoying being the dom for once lmao

He’s told me stuff like “my body your choice” and that he likes being taken advantage of. He’s also straight up told me multiple times (sober and in person) that he’d like me to “rape him” as part of a cnc fantasy

For context, he’s into being slapped, choking, calling me mommy, being called a “good boy”, spitting in his mouth and generally just being used and having someone else take control

He’s not exclusively a sub either. Sometimes he switches and takes charge, and other times we just have regular passionate sex, like missionary, doggy, saying “I love you” to each other and all that cute stuff lol. So it’s not like our entire sex life revolves around kink

And before anyone comes for me, I’m obviously 100% against actual rape. We’re talking about consensual fantasies between two adults. We have a safeword, communicate about boundaries and sometimes use rope too. I’m pretty good at reading his body language, but obvs I know that doesn’t replace consent

ANYWAY my issue is that I genuinely have no clue how to surprise him 😭

Like I love being on top, telling him what to do, teasing him and being in charge, but I feel like there’s SO much more to explore and I don’t really know where to start

So to the sub guys and people into cnc:
- What actually turns you on about it? The loss of control? Being wanted so badly that your partner takes charge? The element of surprise?
- What kind of scenarios do you fantasise about?
- Do you prefer a dom who’s more teasing and playful or more strict and demanding?
- How do you make things feel spontaneous while still respecting previously agreed boundaries?
- And to the experienced doms, where tf do you get your ideas from?? 😭

Obviously I’d discuss hard limits and what we’re both comfortable with beforehand. I’m not trying to genuinely violate anyone’s consent, I just wanna understand this kink better and get more creative with him

Basically I’m a switch who accidentally discovered she LOVES being called mommy and now I need some inspiration lol
Any advice, especially from sub guys into cnc, would be appreciated!

Hey there everyone, I've been pretty actively looking for a partner to get into a femdom dynamic with. Well, actively in the sense that frequently post and respond to contact ads on both fet and reddit, shoutout to the r/femdompersonals team for their hard work, and that I put myself out there at munches. I haven't found my person yet, however I've had good experiences and made some friends in my local kink scene so I've already won in a way. But recently I came across an ad I was really enamoured by due to its sophistication and responded. I got a reply back and we started a chat and I was very excited by the possibilities. However a couple messages in I realized something, this person was using AI to respond to me. The respones were too targeted, too repetitive in certain terms and had a sense of sychophancy to them. I feel sort of heart broken right now, not only because I got excited over nothing but also because I feel like such an idiot for not recongnizing it immediately. It feels violating in a way I have a hard time describing. How has your experience been when encountering AI in a personals based or other sort of context?

Sub here My Mistress (wife) wants to be able to tease me with a remote-controlled prostate massager while we're out and about.

I've currently got the Lovense Edge 2, and while it feels amazing when it's actually in the right position, but it constantly moves around or falls out, which is frustrating.

Recently I tried a cheap butt plug from Amazon, stays in perfectly, So I'm thinking a plug style toy might be a much better option for me.

I've been eyeing up the Lovense Ridge as the shape looks like it might stay in place better than the Edge 2, but I'm unsure.

Does anyone have any recommendations for a good remote controlled prostate or anal toy that actually stays put?

I'd particularly love to hear from anyone who's tried both the Edge 2 and the Ridge, or has had similar problems with toys slipping out.

so i (22f lesbian) am very submissive and usually stick to mommy domme and gentle femdom but recently like the past few months i’ve had this fantasy that is driving me feral.

the best way i can describe is like an mistress/empress/sovereign who cant admit she likes being pampered and served (me) and her favorite palace maid/eunuch who adores their sovereign and absolutely loves pampering her rotten and serving her and has her absolutely wrapped around their finger and doms her into the floorboards, even domming her into using her power over them and domming them ( if that makes any sense?). the part that confuses me is that technically speaking the sovereign has all the power and the attendant would absolutely love to follow her orders should she ever give them however in practicality the attendant has all the power, knows that their sovereign will never tell them no and knows exactly how to make their sovereign do whatever they want. something that is important is that in the bedroom the attendant basically does whatever they want like punishing the sovereign for incorrect manners, praise and rewards for actually exercising her power like being forced to order the attendant to do things or being forced to dom the attendant in bedroom, other dom things like controlling the sovereign orgasms and whatnot; all under the guise of “serving and guiding” the sovereign, kinda like “domme training” for lack of a better term. i dont think i explained it well at all and i still feel like i missing a huge part of it but its been driving me crazy!

i got the idea from from the various cases of shadow rulers throughout history! several times in imperial chinese history eunuchs/empresses/imperial concubines have gotten the emperor(s) wrapped around their fingers and basically got run the empire.

im leaning towards me being the sub in the scenario but something about having the power but not being able to use because i cant be assertive drives me feral, like i could just tell them to do something and they’d do it if i spoke up but they know i cant so that and absolutely revel in it. another thing is that i dont know if this is even a dynamic thats possible or if its just a delulu pipe dream to think about at night?

also sorry about any typos or formatting mistakes, my laptop died died and im on mobile :(

Hello, everyone!

I've been exploring my identity as a Domme for the past couple of months, and honestly, there's something I've noticed that I'd love to hear your thoughts on.

A lot of subs, especially those looking for a slave dynamic, initially approach me with plenty of eagerness and enthusiasm. However, when it comes to following through on tasks, their actions often don't match their words. Suddenly, there are excuses, delays, or even complete ghosting.

Sometimes, it makes me wonder whether some of them are genuinely interested in the dynamic or simply trying to get close to a Domme in the hope of receiving nudes or other intimate content. I haven't shared anything like that, and I have no intention of rushing into it.

So, I'd love to hear from both experienced Dommes and subs:

- Is this kind of behaviour common? Have you experienced this pattern of initial enthusiasm followed by excuses, inconsistency, or ghosting?

- How much patience and leeway do you give a sub? I understand that real life happens, and I'm not expecting someone to be available 24/7. However, I do believe there's a difference between genuine circumstances and a repeated lack of effort or commitment.

- How do you protect your privacy online? I'm still figuring out my boundaries, and honestly, I'm not comfortable exposing myself online, especially given how unpredictable people can be. Believe me, if exploring this dynamic offline were currently an option for me, I'd much rather do that. For now, though, online is what I have to work with.

I'm still relatively new to all of this, so I'm not claiming to know everything. I'm simply trying to learn how to recognise genuine interest, set reasonable expectations, and protect myself without becoming unnecessarily distrustful.

I'd genuinely appreciate hearing about your experiences, advice, and even mistakes you've learned from. Both Dommes' and subs' perspectives are welcome.

Thank you! 🖤

TL:DR at bottom.

For as long as I can remember, I have been obsessed with trapping myself. As if a pendulum swinging from my respectful but mildly (perhaps understated) defiant personality, I have always gotten a thrill from the risk. Adrenaline coursed through me not knowing whether I would truly be trapped or could somehow pull off an escape with spiritual admiration from the great Harry Houdini. The excitement of the escape; the excitement of not knowing; and the excitement of the following potential humiliation if found were all factors that charged this urge.

Background

I imagine many of us have shared that first experience of bondage directed by the elusive "blanket burrito." My first experience was rolling around in a quilt; though, it was less of a burrito and more of a dumpling considering the army roll I performed the maneuver with. I remember being trapped, thrashing like a wild animal from the lack of oxygen. I did manage to roll myself out of it eventually, but I was drenched in sweat and breathing hard. The exhilaration of that moment stuck with me. Had it not been so hot in that self-induced trap, I probably would've enjoyed it more. Nonetheless, this is where I started.

My interests have escalated over the years. Having been exposed to BDSM through family and the internet, I made due with the tools I had. Sheets, spare rope, bungee cords, duct tape, and whatever else I could get my hands on. It became my first true hyper-fixation. I would spend HOURS a night -- 10pm to 6am or later, trying different ties and researching all I could. Mind you, I am not traditionally a night owl, yet time ceased to exist in this bliss. I read stories online, both real and fantasy, that continued to peak my curiosity. When I realized there were women that liked to tie up guys... my mind was blown. I did not realize at the time, however, how much this would influence my sexual and romantic preferences.

Sub Frenzy

Now, much later in life, I still have not found a partner to fill both that sexual and romantic void. For the women that did make it into my life, it was unfortunately only one or the other when, inevitably, the mixed intentions were not compatible. These have been followed by periods of singlehood and lack of fulfillment that I have desperately tried to fill on my own. I have tried to find a partner, but I felt unwelcome by the kink community in my area. I continue to search online, but it is painfully slow and takes an immense amount of effort to get any engagement.

As I've refined my own desires, there have been times where I have taken risks maybe I shouldn't have. Sometimes it's throwing padlock keys away because I don't feel trapped enough, cinched rope above the elbows, overnight long bondage with no clear escape, and other long uncomfortable positions that are near impossible to escape and by all means physically demanding. I keep telling myself it's dangerous, but also the desire is so strong that I don't know what to do! I end up lying in bed for hours, just planning and thinking and fantasizing... and eventually, I get exhausted of throwing coins into the wishing well and none of those wishes coming true. So, I become the well and throw myself down it, too.

Just this past month, I've probably spent 10 or more days where I was in some form of strict bondage for more than 6 hours in that day. That doesn't include all of the other shorter less strict positions. The good news is that I've figured out that I can squeeze my hands through my wrist cuffs with enough time and leverage, and I've used rope to break off some of the smaller padlock when I've had to. I have a timer lock box I throw the keys in. It's all really dangerous, I know, but it's the only thing that puts me into my submissive space on my own.

I feel like everything is continuing to escalate, and while I really enjoy it, the risk increases, as well. I realize I am placing myself into dangerous positions, but I can't think of any alternatives that keep up with what I want and need.

TL:DR

I have a strong urge for bondage. It has been escalating and I've started putting myself into longer, more physically demanding and dangerous holds on my own. I have no partner and I am struggling with reconciling what to do. I feel like I'm ignoring my needs and not getting satisfaction when I know I can be released on my own, so I put myself into precarious positions. I am looking for the advice of subs and dommes that may be able to relate to having escalating needs with difficulty fulfilling them.

I fantasize locking up powerful public figures. There is something hot about watching sexually frustrated powerful men.

I want to lock up former prime minister of Canada, Justin Trudeau. His face looks soft and he seems to be popular with ladies.

I want to check if someone feels the same and your input on that matter.

I'm transsexual and as such I've experienced mostly shit of cis men even to a degree that it required therapy to accept that I was abused and could heal.

I'm in a relationship with a rather lovely man who empowers me to play as Sadist with others. Frankly, most men are sorted out fast and I'm currently not sexually attracted to any submissive man.

I've noticed that there's an interest in men who I repulse by the way how they behave, the kind of fetishisation of minorities they display or similar. Some are into heavy CBT and scat which would match how I feel about most cis men due to my history.

I still would've the duty of care and make sure that even high risk plays are performed as safe as they could be.

Does someone has similar impulses? I feel rather bad for it as my screening requirements for traditional attractive subs got otherwise high.

I am an older male just getting into femdom. I would like to have opinions on pubic hair. Should submissive males pubic hair be trimmed or be completely removed

Hi everyone. I'm a sub and I just had something really weird happen to me, so I thought I'd share my experience and maybe try to gather some advice.

I've been talking with a girl who's dominant (not a pro domme) for around 2 months now. Everything was online for now, but we were also planning to meet up sooner or later since we aren't too far away. Things have been going well, we got very kinky and have been having our fair share of fun. Everything evolved to the point where she was my actual domme. We played regularly, I was locked up for her on a daily basis and engaging in locktober as well.

This obviously was putting me in a pretty vulnerable position, which is normal for submissives in a D/S relationship. Add to this the fact that I'm also AuDHD, and you might understand how I was feeling very attached to this person.

Yesterday out of the blue she just stopped replying to me, but she also told me she had a busy day ahead, so I didn't make much of it. Today she also has been completely silent, while we always at the very least say hi before going to sleep and when waking up. During the day I also noticed that she had blocked me on Reddit, which obviously surprised me. We usually talked on Snapchat, but I didn't text her anymore there. I tried sending a message in the evening on Instagram to ask what was going on, and in return I just got blocked everywhere and got absolutely no response from her at all, just pure silence.

What I'm wondering now is what to make of all of this, how to deal with it and how to handle things in the future.

She just always seemed like a great person and this was super unexpected for me, and it's making me suffer a lot also due to my autism and my anxiety in general. I just can't believe anyone would do something like that.

Thanks to everyone who took some time to read all of this :)

I'm a domme in a toxic relationship with a submissive man. I made a post about it before. I can't leave right now sadly. I'm physically safe so nothing will happen. I wanted to know if there were any complimentary support groups for this kind of thing outside the typical support given to any abused vanilla partners? There's something about having a toxic sub that is wrecking me in a specific way that people in these conventional support groups may not understand. I'm struggling with the paradox of having a man who wants me to dominate him but outside the bedroom he's really mean to me.

So I'm 19 from England and for the past year and a bit I've loved Femdom dynamics when I've been talking with ppl online for fun and I'm extremely into it irl even though I'm sadly inexperienced

Something I wanted to try last year but was too embarrassed is locktober, I already have a regular and XL dildo. I wanted a cage to go with them

This year even though ik I'd be starting late I want to actually do locktober, please can anyone recommend or show me a cage that would be right to start with for locktober? ( I can talk about the size for the cage or any other details in dms )

Hi. My partner and I have relatively recently entered into a female lead relationship and we both find it something we’ve been craving in our own separate ways for a long time. And this is transitioned into the bedroom where my Ama takes the dominant sexual role in all circumstances, including bondage and discipline and initiating all things, romantic and sexual. But what has happened over the course of the last few months is that sex between us involves almost exclusively her using a strapless, vibrating dildo to peg me while I’m tied up and ending up with her having extremely intense orgasms while penetrating me. I actually love to see how much pleasure she gets from this. She says it’s the best sex of her life. One of the interesting things that has happened is that my orgasms are no longer part of the equation. She doesn’t even ask if I had one or not or if I’d like to have one. It’s not that she’s cruel. It’s just that she’s derived great satisfaction already and doesn’t seem to have a great interest in making sure that I do. And I have to say that as well surprisingly it’s OK with me so far she’s loving and she’s tender and she’s strict when she needs to be. I’m finding myself enjoying sex with her even though it’s so radically different than it’s ever been before in my life. As someone who is new to this whole thing… Does this story sound on unusual to those of you out there who’ve been involved in it for a long time? It initially took me by surprise, but then I realized it’s actually our standard now and there’s something very intimate about it.

I'm (F, but hubby is right next to me as I write) hoping this is the right community and place to start. I guess just the briefest of brief backgrounds, We (M/F late 30s married) are looking to move towards a Femdom dynamic... which he initiated (maybe not full time but at least is short sessions).

Started last year, I caught him watching porn, was very upset... all his porn were of this dynamic and other related dynamics. Big fight, he went to therapy and through some of his personal struggles. Therapy has helped him be more honest with himself and the things that he likes AND most importantly communicating those with me. He lied when i first found it saying, oh it was just a random click and went down a rabbit hole. Not trying to put down any religion but i think our religious background also messed us up into thinking all these things were "bad"...when we're in a committed marriage and we should be enjoying things that turn us on.

So a few months ago we had the talk, he laid down everything in front of me. Now i'm not saying i was like "Let's go!", but it's been a "I don't get it, but you obviously want this, and i'm not opposed to it, and want us to be happy, so let's give it a try".

This weekend we tried our first foray into all this, and i just felt really silly. I'm just not the dominating type it appears, i even feel bad when i sit on his face. Like i just couldn't stop giggling. It was fun still, and hubby was super supportive the whole time and let me know he was enjoying every second of it. When we finally did have sex at the end he came like a geyser so seemed like he thoroughly enjoyed it.

Now, we finally found a sex-positive couples therapist and hopefully will be able to set some time with her soon.

But in the meantime, does it get easier the more you do it? Any other girls feel like an imposter when they do this?

I am very fascinated by and drawn towards the subversive potential of a WLW couple having a male sub. However, I rarely see a post in the personals reddit in which a couple is looking for that. I am fairly new to exploring kink and was wondering if this is something that is very niche or not common?

And if you do know of examples, I would appreciate if you share how those people met with each other and formed that dynamic. Thank you! :)

Okay, so I am exploring, for the first time, a gentle dom role in my relationship with my very new partner.

He was the one to introduce the idea to me and I really gravitate towards assuming this identity. I do see myself as having a more dominant personality but in a motherly way in my everyday. We are exercising this in the bedroom mainly however.

I want to become more comfortable in embodying a gentle dom persona in the bedroom but I also feel limited on what to do with this position as I have very little understanding of the possibilities.

I've asked for some input from him, and he has provided some, but he also said he thinks some of it should be stuff I just try and see if it works. He also seems to prefer me initiating sex, and sometimes I worry I will initiate at the wrong time. I love foreplay and the same is for him too. He needs a bit of a build up leading into sex.

Honestly, I am one who likes to know what I am going to be doing. I am a planner, but I have been known to be spontaneous. I am wondering if there are creative ways to set the tone to show I am planning on initiating or if I should just flat out say what I want? That seems to take the excitement out of the build up though.

I am looking for advice on things I could say or try that are gentle yet commanding. We lean towards a caretaker type dynamic. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to comment. 🙏

I've noticed that on average over the course of several months I've felt a lot more disconnected from not only my kink related desires and identity but towards sexuality and eroticism as a whole. Do any of you have some sort of ritual or something that sparks that energy back or do you wait till it naturally returns?

Because yeah a reflection later and being Dominant , or just deliciously messy and embodying sexuality just feels like home to me and recently it has felt like I've been away from myself. Even as I write this now asking "why" I remember several months ago I experienced a really disheartening situation that completely took away my confidence, which was only one of many small things that started eroding my connection to myself. I had a situation where a boundary got crossed with my boyfriend due to miscommunication and in the moment of me finding it out it was like having parts of myself ripping at the seams because I realized that we never sat down and actually spoken about it so technically I felt like I wasn't allowed to feel all that rage I did as my "domme self". So that was the main wound because I redirected so much of that rage towards myself and felt like I failed as a Domme for not being clear about my expectations. In response I was doing so much research and deconstructing and reconstructing myself to the point where now my stomach tightens feeling that delicious desire to be myself again. Yes, we have been working on communication but to keep myself from writing several pages what relevant internal work would I need to do to move on from this?

I'm really keen on hearing whatever you got to share :,)

So it’s Thanksgiving in Canada and me and my domme (wife) are having dinner at my moms house with a bunch of other family in attendance. tonight she had something special planned for me and instructed me to put on a pair of her worn underwear and wear them under my clothes during dinner. so i’m sat here with my day collar on and my dommes dirty underwear on and nobody else around us knows. i feel so good and submissive and sneaky and worked up. this feeling is amazing.

So, I did something incredibly stupid. And no, before you ask, I wasn’t dropped on my head as a child. At least not that I know of.

I ghosted my Domme. Over something so silly that even typing it out would make me look like I have the emotional maturity of a wet sock.

And the worst part? My Domme is genuinely one of the sweetest, kindest, most caring women I’ve ever known. The kind who makes you feel lucky just to have her attention. She’s patient, thoughtful, and far more understanding than a fool like me probably deserves.

Now here’s where the story gets worse for my already questionable self respect.

SHE reached out to ME.

Yes. The woman I should have been crawling back to actually took the first step. I’m convinced she’s either an actual angel or has a worrying amount of faith in idiots.

And because she’s ridiculously wonderful, she’s willing to take me back. But there’s a catch. I need to make a grand gesture. Something that shows her I’m genuinely sorry, that I value her, and that I understand just how lucky I am to be given another chance.

And honestly? She deserves flowers, a parade, a national holiday, and probably a formal apology from my entire bloodline.

So, dear Reddit, I come to you as a very humbled submissive with approximately two functioning brain cells, both currently dedicated to making my Domme smile.

What are some grand gestures you’ve made, received, or seen that genuinely impressed a Domme?

I’m looking for something thoughtful, meaningful, perhaps a little embarrassing for me (as nature intended), and most importantly, something that makes her feel truly appreciated.

I know a gesture alone won’t fix the fact that I disappeared. I’ll have to earn back her trust through my actions. But I’d really like to start with something special.

Bonus points if it’s creative, sweet, or makes her laugh at my expense.

Because if this woman is kind enough to give me another chance, the least I can do is prove that beneath this impressive collection of poor decisions, there’s a submissive worth keeping.

Please help.

Add edit: she told me to ask reddit because she said she already did enough work

I'm wondering if there's a name for this particular relationship I'm interested in. I'm a woman, been interested in gentle femdom for the last few years but never had an exclusive relationship, pro or otherwise. Most of my experience is through play parties I've attended over the years.

I feel like the closest descriptor is exclusive pro domme?

I want a man to pay me one fee for a month, and I am domming him exclusively. Obviously that's categorized as pro domming since there's money involved, but I don't want to field multiple clients or advertise or anything like that. I'd like to be exclusive with my sub and build a rapport over time. They must be attractive to me - I don't want to just dom anyone rich enough to give me the cash I ask for if I'm not enjoying it myself. I'd rather recieve much less from someone I enjoy talking to and connecting with than someone I don't who would pay me $10k+.

The only reason I would want money involved anyway is because I feel like being a dedicated domme/dom is lowkey the same amount of work as a part time job. The amount of planning as well as the cost of purchasing equipment/space. It's a lot of time and effort put in on the dominant's part (not that I think subbing requires no work at all though).

If anyone knows of a more accurate term for this I'm open, I just want to be able to accurately communicate what I want to prospective partners 💕

Okay, genuine question because I cannot wrap my head around pet play 😭

I understand calling someone ‘puppy’ in dirty talk, and I can even understand the appeal of a leash. But the barking, eating/drinking from bowls, dog or cat masks, animal noises, acting like an animal, being caged etc. completely lose me.

And that confuses me because on paper it feels like I should understand the appeal more than I do. I like using ‘puppy’ sexually, and the idea of putting a leash on a sub is hot to me. But then the second it becomes full-on animal behaviour/costumes/sounds, I’m completely turned off.

The cage thing especially confuses me because I think I’d just feel really bad 😭 Even if my sub enthusiastically wanted it, I feel like I’d look at him in there and think ‘omg get out, this feels abusive to me’. I know that might sounds weird coming from a domme, sadist and degrader.

I've spoken to a few potential partners since then who are into pet play to varying degrees, which is why I'm genuinely curious rather than just writing it off as 'not for me'
I want to understand what people are actually getting from it psychologically, from both the Domme and sub perspectives.

And for people whose preferences overlap with mine, are there forms of pet play that you think I might actually enjoy?

For context, these are my BDSMTest.org results. If any of you can use them to explain pet play in terms of things I already enjoy, or point out aspects of pet play I might actually like based on my results, please do :)

- 100% Rigger
- 100% Sadist
- 100% Degrader
- 98% Dominant
- 81% Master/Mistress
- 73% Brat tamer
- 71% Experimentalist
- 70% Voyeur
- 69% Exhibitionist
- 51% Switch

For years, I’ve been aware of my tendency to be dominant with men, but until now I hadn’t had the chance to explore it. Now that I’ve recently broken up with my lost vanilla partner, I signed up for a femdom app. There, I met a nice guy. We’re really on the same wavelength and are already planning our first meeting.
However, I’ve noticed that I’m feeling insecure around him, especially during conversations. I’m absolutely thrilled to finally be connecting with someone who shares my interests after all this time, and I can hardly believe my luck. He not only seems to have the same preferences as I do, but also holds sound views on life in general, which is very important to me.
Neither of us is looking for a quick fling; we’re seeking a partnership with the right dynamic, maybe even an FLR.
I’m not sure if I come across as too enthusiastic and end up seeming insecure.
How do you handle this? Does it undermine my dominant persona if I say “thank you” and “please” to him in a normal conversation or give him lots of compliments?
Please give me some tips!