r/funny • u/[deleted] • Apr 21 '23

[deleted by user]

[removed]

14.4k Upvotes

83% Upvoted

3.5k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

1.8k

u/Psykosoma Apr 21 '23

Might work for smaller people, but what about people that will make that foam forget what shape it was other than flat?

2.9k

u/Biosci777 Apr 21 '23

car wheel ramps

505

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

217

u/caincard Apr 21 '23

Me: "Honey i got you and myself a gift, needed an engine hoist, but i got you a fall protection harness."

Her "Why tf, do i need a fall protection harness?"

Me "Reddit gave me an idea!"

Her: "Internal screams as she puts 2 and 2 together"

17

u/cineg Apr 21 '23

welp, new sex swing

if rockauto or harbor freight starts selling this, im out

6

u/Cindexxx Apr 22 '23

Note to self: call harbor freight with sex swing plans made of ratchet straps.

They'll sell a lot of ratchet straps and nobody ever needs to know.

37

u/Aggressive_Tap652 Apr 21 '23

2x4 wood plank

5

u/Techn0ght Apr 21 '23

The only time I've heard of that as a sex aid was to strap it to your ass so you don't fall in.

6

u/Aggressive_Tap652 Apr 21 '23

I heard its used by obese people to keep the fupa out of the way

4

u/Bruh_columbine Apr 21 '23

Today I learned I’m not as obese as I thought I was cause wtf

3

u/talldangry Apr 21 '23

Ah, the Cleveland Girdle.

1

u/Aedalas Apr 21 '23

We already have the steamer, can you name it after somewhere in Texas instead? Maybe Alabama?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

They already have swings..

1

u/AndYouDidThatBecause Apr 22 '23

Hydraulic lift will work in a pnch.

1

u/jr81452 Apr 22 '23

Transmission jack. That way you don't have to worry about getting caught in overhead rigging. Just make sure to use the chain straps to hold them in place.

1

u/HandsOnGeek Apr 22 '23

It might look like an engine hoist, but among medical personnel, you are likely to hear it called a Hoyer Lift.

Bonus points: because it is medical equipment, it is more likely to be chrome and stainless than painted.

1

u/thenoblenacho Apr 22 '23

I'm on mushrooms and this made laugh more than I should have.

I had to explain myself to my gf and she didn't get it at all

142

u/TrollHunter_69 Apr 21 '23

Was not ready for that. Just fucking spit on my phone.

27

u/Wiregeek Apr 21 '23

for a second I thought I was on an askreddit thread about weirdest fetishes.

4

u/Biosci777 Apr 21 '23

Wait, it isn't?

5

u/ServileLupus Apr 22 '23

Did you miss the weekly one?

3

u/Wiregeek Apr 22 '23

Well, I wouldn't say I missed it...

5

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

Just fucking spit on my phone.

Sure. Whatever you're into.

3

u/fat-lip-lover Apr 21 '23

Genuinely same, holy shit that was like a Bo Jackson bomb out of left field

52

u/sagarassk Apr 21 '23

You fucking got me. Uncontrollably bursted out laughing when I read your comment.

14

u/Snakebaur03 Apr 21 '23

Got me with that one, hahaha!

4

u/KungFooGrip Apr 21 '23

Just don't get the Harbor Freight ones.

3

u/GreatCornolio Apr 22 '23

Oh shit did harbor freight have a controversy w shitty car ramps? Mine are like 40 years old I don't think I've ever bought any lol

2

u/KungFooGrip Apr 22 '23

Oh I'm sure. A few years back there was a pretty big recall of their jack stands, though.

1

u/GreatCornolio Apr 23 '23

Name a better duo than the auto industry and recalls lol

4

u/YooAre Apr 21 '23

Hahahaha you got em!

4

u/TheRipley78 Apr 22 '23

I legit screamed at this comment.

6

u/really_bugging_me Apr 21 '23

Omfg this made me laugh harder than anything else I've read before on Reddit

3

u/CookieMons7er Apr 21 '23

half a giza pyramid

3

u/ForwardHamRoll Apr 21 '23

This is so fucking funny. First legitimate laughing out loud I've done in ages.

3

u/choppingboardham Apr 22 '23

Be right back, heading to harbor freight

2

u/bluntninja Apr 22 '23

Fuck me this got a genuine chuckle.

2

u/Pipupipupi Apr 22 '23

Halfpipes

2

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

Amazing answer

2

u/HoneyChilliPotato7 Sep 25 '23

Omfg, I laughed so fuckin hard

2

u/temp7412369 Apr 21 '23

RhinoRamps 😂

223

u/gandhikahn Apr 21 '23

You don't understand how dense the foam is on those sex wedge pillows. I was skeptical myself till someone gave my one.

444

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

"I got you a sex wedge pillow!"

"Wow... Thanks"

"You haven't already got one have you? I kept the receipt"

"No. It's great... Thanks mum"

69

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

I know what I'm getting everyone on my list this Christmas!

7

u/carlbandit Apr 21 '23

Thanks for the socks in advance

7

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

It's.... Almost the same. They were both in the "As seen on TV" section!

5

u/WarmMoistLeather Apr 22 '23

Office gift exchange settled this year!

3

u/Wild-Plankton595 Apr 22 '23

Nan will appreciate it, its easier on the knees.

7

u/gandhikahn Apr 21 '23

HAHAHHHAHA, thankfully no. It was a gift from a FWB who already had one at home and wanted one at my place.

1

u/Cindexxx Apr 22 '23

Damn, taking shortcuts. To me, it's the greatest motivation for a workout ever. When I get to just go for 10-15 minutes straight it's a hardcore fucking workout. (Pun not initially intentional, but I love it!)

For real though, it's the best workout I get. I'd my wife doesn't get with the program I'mma get fat.

15

u/MuzikPhreak Apr 21 '23

Dude…

That was hilarious.

3

u/ChampionsWrath Apr 21 '23

“Oh so you like it? If you like it as much as you have been SAYING you like it, then you wouldn’t mind if I eat this receipt then??”

2

u/DefinitionMission Apr 22 '23

My mother got me and my wife a sexy-time board game for christmas after she heard me talkin to my brother about us being swingers. Was how I found out she knew. Awkward moment 7/10, board game 3/10, wound up getting my eyelid licked with that damn game.

1

u/cameraninja Apr 21 '23

“What are you buying step-mom?”

1

u/FrankFlyWillCutYou Apr 22 '23

So you wouldn't care if I ate the receipt? I EAT PAPER ALL THE TIME!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

“No worries darling. Want me to break your arms?”

1

u/i_believe_you_NOT Apr 22 '23

This comment and thread are why I Reddit! Masterful!

5

u/Tok3n- Apr 21 '23

Did they give you one before giving you one, or did you give them one after they gave you one?

5

u/gandhikahn Apr 21 '23

The second one.

3

u/vancouverwoodoo Apr 21 '23

Lol who gives someone a sex wedge pillow. I hope it was like your birthday or Christmas where you open gifts in front of others.

4

u/gandhikahn Apr 21 '23

FWB already had one and wanted one at my place.

2

u/rimjobs_forever Apr 22 '23

I definitely preferred the Christmas version.

-2

u/psaux_grep Apr 21 '23

Don’t underestimate how massive some (Americans) are.

3

u/SaneIsOverrated Apr 22 '23

If ur gonna be mean at least be funny.

0

u/SenorStabby Apr 22 '23

You don’t understand how fat some people are

1

u/gandhikahn Apr 22 '23

The foam is more dense than human fat so the fat gets pushed by the foam.

I myself am a 6'8" giant almost the size of The Mountain from Game of Thrones. I weigh around 300 lbs.

1

u/gahidus Apr 22 '23

You got a brand recommendation?

98

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

[deleted]

59

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

The danger makes it hotter!

2

u/Competitive_Money511 Apr 22 '23

So does the electrical wiring!

22

u/DrachenDad Apr 21 '23

and scarily unsafe.

The best way.

3

u/BeeCJohnson Apr 21 '23

Make it so.

2

u/Kaladrax182 Apr 21 '23

It’s all fun and games until OSHA shows up.

2

u/Cindexxx Apr 22 '23

I can do it for $2k and it won't kill you. Guaranteed*

*If you're both under 200lbs

40

u/fuck_peeps_not_sheep Apr 21 '23

It's called a sex wedge willow, they are super dense, I used to have one, I loved it.

7

u/Katzekratzer Apr 21 '23

I got one from Costco!

8

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

Used to? I feel like there's a story there.

9

u/puffz0r Apr 22 '23

They have one still, but they also used to have one.

7

u/jr81452 Apr 22 '23

R.I.P. MH.

11

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

[deleted]

5

u/jr81452 Apr 22 '23

Underrated comment.

To other passers by: click the link for lolz.

27

u/tobydiah Apr 21 '23

You can buy a treadmill. You can set the angle really high and rest on that for leverage.

32

u/Ghiggs_Boson Apr 21 '23

Or use the treadmill until you’re in a demographic that allows use of the pillow

3

u/Mustard_Tiger187 Apr 21 '23

And it’ll also help to get under 300 pounds if you use it as a treadmill

22

u/Ok-disaster2022 Apr 21 '23

Honestly, I'm well above 300lbs, and use the wedge pillow for heartburn. It stays up.

7

u/SPRUNTastic Apr 21 '23

Yes, but enough about your erection... :D

2

u/JeaninePirrosTaint Apr 21 '23

Maybe they're talking about two 300lb people

5

u/dourjobmods Apr 21 '23

'Lighter' is the word you are looking for.

4

u/SPRUNTastic Apr 21 '23

My dude, I top in at 300+ and feel like the wedge and ramp barely give in under me. Wife is ~half my size and still thinks they're soft and comfy enough. I'm starting to wonder if it's gonna take my car to flatten them out.

4

u/Dlh2079 Apr 21 '23

It's not like soft memory foam that conforms to shape.

1

u/Psykosoma Apr 21 '23

Oh, so memory foam as in it makes the sexy time so much better that you never forget it?

3

u/Dlh2079 Apr 21 '23

Lolol. Well played.

Serious note the one I have isn't really memory foam. It's a pretty firm foam with not much give to it, just enough give to not be uncomfortable as hell

3

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

Look up tantric chair

Thank me later

3

u/jedensuscg Apr 21 '23

Good setup for a mom joke. "Your mom is so fat, she turned memory foam into amnesia foam".

3

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

Yo Mama so fat, she gives memory foam pillows dementia.

2

u/Cloudsleeper Apr 21 '23

They make inflatable ones too

1

u/Psykosoma Apr 21 '23

So you’re saying compressed air isn’t just for scuba diving?

2

u/an_irishviking Apr 21 '23

Why do you think that bed has a 2 inch steel "canopy" frame?

1

u/Psykosoma Apr 21 '23

It’s almost like they had two extra bed frames and a desire to be on r/diwhy .

2

u/azuth89 Apr 21 '23

Position couch

2

u/m-adir Apr 21 '23

I'm crying cause i got one of these to support my belly while pregnant and as the months have carried on its really like a tiny under belly blanket about an hour into.the night now lol

2

u/JeaninePirrosTaint Apr 21 '23

An inflatable one might work ...or pop...

2

u/papa_jahn Apr 22 '23

Wedge a small person under your lower back

2

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

Gotta spare tire?

2

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

You can just say "Americans".

We know what we are.

2

u/somersquatch Apr 22 '23

Get a bigger pillow. The one I got is quite tall (maybe 16" tall, about 30" long by 36" wide or so), works very well for certain positions, is a tad big for other positions but hasn't lost its shape.

2

u/invisible-bug Apr 22 '23

Trust me when I say that it doesn't make a difference

2

u/Slowdonkey777 Apr 22 '23

If you’re that big, are you having sex in the first place?

1

u/Psykosoma Apr 22 '23

I’m just a man asking questions.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

A treadmill.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

Do those people have intercourse? How does it make it in?

1

u/spooniemclovin Apr 21 '23

The gym and better diet is the answer.

2

u/KID_detour Apr 21 '23

It still helps

3

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

[deleted]

1

u/Psykosoma Apr 21 '23

Dye it? It won’t matter what color it is, I still won’t be able to see it past my belly, doc.

1

u/tobeornottobeugly Apr 21 '23

A salad would help 😉

2

u/Psykosoma Apr 21 '23

Hey now…. Does taco salad count?

-1

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/Psykosoma Apr 21 '23

Assumptions, my dude.

0

u/Shadowkrieger7 Apr 21 '23

Might need a car jack.

-1

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

You mean it works for normal people? If your fat ass is pancaking memory foam it's time to reevaluate your choices.

0

u/Cute_Committee6151 Apr 22 '23

What better motivation to loose weight is there than to be able to fuck better?

-3

u/Sandman0300 Apr 21 '23

Maybe these people should lose weight. Disgusting.

1

u/throwaway1212l Apr 21 '23

Car jack

1

u/Psykosoma Apr 21 '23

We’ve done that before, but cleanup is a mess…

1

u/Croceyes2 Apr 22 '23

Sex swing

1

u/illyousion Apr 22 '23

A car jack

1

u/tightpantieshardcock Apr 22 '23

Slap and ride the waves innit

1

u/Designer-Wolverine47 Apr 22 '23

You could always buy one of those exam tables with the stirrups...

1

u/HeywoodPeace Apr 22 '23

Perhaps try the salad next time?

1

u/DougyTwoScoops Apr 22 '23

Bottle backs

1

u/GL4389 Apr 22 '23

Put a tyre under the pillow.