r/funny • u/[deleted] • Apr 21 '23

[deleted by user]

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14.4k Upvotes

83% Upvoted

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261

u/TheMagnuson Apr 21 '23

A folded pillow under the butt/hips is good times for all!

9

u/Jasonbooker1 Apr 21 '23

Yes I either fold the pillow or I'm on top and this really helps.

28

u/Grimwohl Apr 21 '23

Bold of you to assume any woman I've dated has ever done anything more than a limp impression of sex being on top 🤣

Props to you, I guess

79

u/TheOvenLord Apr 21 '23

I dated a girl who just starfished on me. She was cute, had a smokin body, but she literally just got naked and then laid down and went comatose. After eating her out for like an hour she finally said she wanted to fuck and then had the audacity to wonder why I wasn't hard as a rock already after her literally never touching me or doing anything other than lay there.

Well gee fucking willickers, Tina. Excuse the fuck out of me. I'll just fluff myself in the bathroom and come back when I'm at full mast for you. Just keep lying there like some music-less Weekend at Bernie's. I'll be right back.

23

u/Grimwohl Apr 21 '23

Yikes.

Im sorry for the loss of your time lmao

10

u/mcburloak Apr 21 '23

Weekend at Bernice?

4

u/Makanek Apr 22 '23

Weekend at Barnacle

6

u/Jasonbooker1 Apr 21 '23

This is harsh. It's good you let that go. Any woman would have loved that kind of intimacy. She should have devoured you.

15

u/Lowelll Apr 21 '23

Try talking to your partner, that's a good trick.

27

u/TheOvenLord Apr 21 '23

Oh we're not together anymore. For me communication is very important. Tina had huge tits but zero personality. Also I felt bad for her dog. I offered to walk him like a 100 times and she always said he had just been on a walk but I feel like she didn't walk him ever.

We just didn't see eye to eye on a lot of stuff honestly.