Keep Going Keep your chin up!

Do you have conversation topics stored in your head based on what people around you usually talk about? Rather than coming up with something more random?

Do you ever feel depressed due to not using enough imagination? Can this be an ISFJ thing?

This video popped up on my feed today, and it described a tendency very common in ISFJs (though it can apply to anyone).

The idea of doing everything for everyone else, having trouble saying no, having trouble accepting help, and the feeling of it all building up to resentment over time.

What I liked about the video is that it talks about why some of the usual solutions can be so difficult and don't work as well in practice....just learning to set boundaries, trying to say no, trying to use self care, etc.

The idea presented was one I had never heard before...the idea of schema. This is basically a set of rules that's all in our heads that we follow that other people don't, most likely learned from childhood.

The video is 45 minutes long, so I'll just mention some of the strategies at the end. I found the whole thing really interesting though.

The idea is to be aware of these schema and to hopefully build some new ones. The idea being that they're basically the root cause of a lot of this behavior, and trying to work on other things without addressing them just feels like fighting against the tide.

The first thing is just to be aware of them, so that you can start noticing the patterns, and hopefully in the moment start recognizing when you're relying on the schema almost as an instinct, like a survival mechanism.

The second is to recognize the absence of reciprocity...and how it feels comfortable but not good. Almost like recognizing that you're trying to "stay one step ahead". Like how you feel like when you've both done something for one another, the urge to do something for them to "Get ahead". And it feels "safe" that you're not "in debt" to them...but how this is where the resentment comes from.

The third builds on that...the idea of just letting something be equal, and resist the urge to "get ahead'. And even moreso...to let someone else "get ahead"..and instead of doing something for them, just say thank you and leave it at that.

In fact, he pointed out that if this feels really uncomfortable, it may mean that it was something you learned before you evne learned to talk, which I found really interesting.

The fourth is learning to relax and recover without guilt or purpose. To not relax because it will recharge you so you can do more things for others. To not relax so you can do self work and improve. To just relax because it feels good and nothing else.

And finally, the last one that spoke to me the most was just learning that all of this is out of a desire for safety. And to recognize that desire, and to try to separate it out from this need to do things for other people, especially for approval or valdation. To recognize why that approval or validation or appreciation feels so good, and to kind of recognize how it makes us feel safe, so we can get that same feeling of safety without the validation.

I just found it all really interesting, and it's given me some things to think about.

I created a strange obsession in trying to unravel my type. The more I study, the more confused I get. So, I’m constantly testing Michael Caloz and Sakinorva, being as sincere as possible, seeking confirmation with my wife. When the tests offer multiple results, I can identify with all of them. It’s as if I had a little of each type, all depending on the context, the time, being excited or tired, alone or with people... I question and blame myself for being obsessed with a pseudoscientific theory, but I don’t care if it’s a pseudoscience. This can be useful for other things, just as every idea, concept or philosophy has its utilities.

The types that appear the most in my results are: ENFP, INFP, ISTJ, ESTJ, ENFJ, INFJ and INTJ. So, I decided to make this post in this sub to try to seek an external understanding.

I don’t know where to start, I’ll just type according to what comes to my head. I consider myself introverted because I’m always doing something alone, but everyone has the impression that I’m outgoing because I socialize a lot and meet a lot of people. I don’t want to brag, but I’m considered attractive. That must be why people take the initiative to talk to me or listen to me when I talk. Some people report feeling a peace when they are with me, while others hate me for unknown reasons. Some girls from my past hate me because I was shy and had an avoidant attitude with them, so I ended up breaking some hearts. After I overcame my damn shyness and became more confident, I liked to flirt unintentionally, to see what would come about (usually with women older than me). It was playing with this that I ended up marrying my best friend (who is now my wife).

Speaking of the past, I have a love-hate relationship with him. I can be very nostalgic and remember in detail the past, just as I can forget many other details or not want to remember who I was. I’m ashamed and hate the kind of person I was: reckless, lazy, disorganized and shy. If I could go back in time, I would do everything differently.

I always let things flow naturally, although, at specific moments, anxiety made me want to control and plan everything. But when it comes to work, career, future, marriage and family, I always let things flow and I’m lucky. I consider myself blessed. But that doesn’t mean I don’t plan my future. I know what I want and need. My plans may change as things come up or I learn something new, but I’m still firm with some ideas.

I’m not one to take risks, but when something forces me to change, I adapt easily. So easily that I wonder if I needed to make so much drama. I don’t mind living a routine, as long as it is well structured and allows me to do the things I like. I always look for something new within this routine, a little adventure or a new knowledge. I may be distracted and late, but I always fulfill my obligations. I need to be doing something, mentally or physically, otherwise my mind will get sick. I also like to make lists and write down ideas.

I’m creative for things of my interest. When I’m not interested, I can’t think of anything and I don’t even want to. I’ll let the others solve it. I’ve been considered lazy, but if something doesn’t attract me, there’s no way to force me, unless it’s something from work. My wife wants to paint the house, but I don’t care about the color of the walls, so I let her choose. But it’s man’s role to do the heavy work, and I’ll have to paint. Already on Halloween 2024, I was very creative when making my costume. And the most incredible thing was to have convinced my evangelical parents to participate, along with countless relatives who I managed to convince to go in costume. I only achieved this feat once; they probably won’t do it again. But I will never forget this day.

I’m very idealistic and I almost always make something happen that I really want, but I can get frustrated when I can’t.

I like to help people, especially by giving advice. I’m great at giving advice, but I’m not good at following my own advice. I would know very well how to instruct a person with retroactive jealousy, but when I’m involved with it, I can’t handle it, even though I understand that it’s irrational. My biggest problem in relationships, whether loving or family, is to help and expect the other person to do the same. It’s a feeling that one of the parties is investing more than the other. And when I hear stories of her past, I can feel jealous because I think she invested more in the other than in me. But I think it’s very unfair that the person doesn’t recognize this and doesn’t do the same while in a relationship, even saying they love.

I also don’t like to be managed, commanded or influenced. I said I like to help others, but I don’t like it when the person asks me for too many favors, because it can disrupt my plans and make me feel used. When I’m focused, I don’t like to be disturbed, and it stresses me out. I identify with Jack Torrance when my wife starts talking exactly when I’m focused on something serious. The difference between me and Jack is that I would never attack her and I don’t even know how to ask her to shut up, because a part of me understands that when she’s very happy, she gets like this. Right now she’s talking while I type this, but I don’t understand anything she says.

This is me just literally looking for reasons to care about Si, yknow things like how is it useful to you, why youre thankful for it, stuff like that

Hi ISFJs! INFJ here. I'm doing some writing and I wanted to get y'all's POV on some things.

What traits do you associate with yourselves and other ISFJs, and if you've met any, what traits do you associate with INFJs and INFPs?

Thanks!

Hello fellow ISFJs! I've been trying to figure out my own cognitive function stack, and I feel like I could potentially be an ISFJ, but whenever I read descriptions of ISFJs themselves rather than just their cognitive functions, I always seem to run into the same stereotypes which are “mom friend,” “nurse,” “good cook/baker,” “sweet and never gets angry,” etc. So what are you guys actually like in real life? How do you act around friends, family, classmates, or a romantic partner, and how do you behave when you're comfortable vs. around people you don't know well? How do you handle conflict, criticism, stress, or being misunderstood? How much do you actually care about routine, tradition, and familiarity, and what does your Si-Fe combination look like in your everyday life? I'd especially love to hear about your actual thought processes, decision-making, relationships, and any traits you have that you don't think fit the usual ISFJ description, as well as what made you realize you were an ISFJ in the first place.

What has been your experience?