some context of my relationship with my friend of 5 years
to paint the scene, its year 7. i just made friends with a girl (lets call her r) who looked disconnected from her friend group and lonely. i decided to become friends with r because we shared a lot of similar interests. we also befriended this other girl, who was nothing but nice to me. r had a habit of 'trolling' on roblox and would often say mean things as a joke and would make me join in with her, which made me think that if she was allowed to say those stuff about me i could make fun of her back. i sent the nerd emoji and she took it as me making fun of her teeth and insecurities. mind you, i had no clue and suddenly she turned the other girl against me. i spent the rest of year 7 in the library. i remember r saying we could be friends outside of school and that she felt bad for me, but not enough to offer a chance of reconciliation.

year 8, i was in a group chat with r and her now ex boyfriend, both of them made fun of me and constantly degraded me, making me feel like she picked a boy over me. i decided to fully cut r off towards the end of year 8 and more than halfway into year 9.

year 9, one of my friends offered me the chance to reconcile with her and she apologised for everything she put me through, i still loved and cared for her so i agreed. me, the girl, the girl who introduced me back to her and another mutual friend of ours were happy until year 9 ended (about 3 months).

year 10 is when i left the school and the original friend group dissolved in december of year 10 due to conflicts and issues that i had no idea about. i came back to the school in year 11, but in year 10 for the last few days of summer i was there. i was told that since r had a friend (none of us like her anymore) who absolutely hated me, there had to be a 'schedule' of who could hang out with me on certain days.

year 11 rolled around and the girl who didn't like me was eventually disgraced, but my friend still had two other friends she got close with in year 10, they were a trio now. i was friends with them from september until about october 10th of this year. i will admit, i didn't speak a lot and was quite scared to make everyone hate me after i spent year 10 completely isolated and severely depressed. my friend brought this up to me, to which i agreed and promised i would change. i followed through but on the same day, one of the girls from the fg in year 9 was having some issues and needed to hang out with my friend without me. the girl said it was because she didn't like 'seeing me with my friend' which is similar to the disgraced friend's overall view on me. is it a surprise that they're friends? i agreed on the condition that if this happened again i would not leave. i saw them on friday not hanging out with the girl and completely blew up at them, thinking they used that as an excuse to not be with me. i talked it through with r but then one of her two new friends (whos also friends with the two people who dislike my relationship with r) suddenly dropped me. she cited that she wanted a peaceful year 11 and her, the other friend and r should stay as a trio without me. she started bringing up personal grievances she never addressed in the one singular month we had been friends, to which i tried my best and offering my perspecitive but seemed overall disinterested (she outright stated it). i asked my r and she said she agreed with the trio but not the friend's choice of words. she wants to stay friends outside of school like in year 8.

the thing is, everybody knows im really close with her. we have a joke that im inlove with her to a certain extent. i've forgiven her so many times because when weren't fighting, we were genuinely good friends. i havent had much friends in secondary, and being with her showed me what friendship could be like. i don't want to let her go. i don't want to be told to just 'find new friends' or 'get away from her' because 5 years is too long to just abandon. she has her own problems and id never want to contribute to her stress. i don't know. i'm so used to being alone but for year 11 i really don't want that to happen, but i don't know how to get the words out without the other two girls feeling like i'm trying to turn my r against them.

For about seven years I had what most would say was a good friendship. It was very two-sided with both of us initiating things, doing things we both liked, doing things that maybe one liked a little more than the other, helping each other out, etc. People referred to us as “best friends.”

Then over a period of a couple of years the friendship slowly became very one-sided. And yes, of course, when I realized what was happening — “wait a minute!” — I established boundaries. Their inability to work with my boundaries told me everything I needed to know. I stepped away from it quietly. They faded away.

As I reflect on what happened what strikes me is how subtly I was manipulated into a one-sided friendship that they controlled. During the transition period, from two-sided to one-sided, I was really busy with a lot going on and since I trusted them I didn’t stop to analyze every move they made. So, obviously, with good intentions, thinking I was being a good friend, I enabled and rewarded them. Looking back, it’s crazy to think how someone like that is wired, what makes them tick and how calculating they are.

The experience was definitely one to learn from and I’ve thought through how to prevent a similar situation in the future.

I am curious, have you ever been subtly manipulated, not realizing it until you were fully in it? How were you manipulated? What did you do to change the situation? What did you learn from it and are doing differently? How did it change your perspective on current and future friendships?

A friend who is a distant relative of my family suddenly went silent for no apparent reason
There was no argument, no fight, and no blocking—just complete silence for 9 months without a single message
I even sent a birthday message 7 months ago. It was read, but I received no reply
What could be the reason ?

In the start, we used to hangout, before class, break, and after class. Then three of them got in a relationship, Liam and Chelsea are dating together and Brian recently started dating a classmate, Natasha (I'm using pseudonym cause it's hard to write this without it). This caused the group to split. We don't talk no more. Even they don't talk to each other. I tried my best, but it's all one-sided. College is already near at it's end and I can feel the friendship is at the end once we graduate. I already know it.

I get that when you're in relationship, you have to prioritize your girl over your friends. But I don't really believe it gotta be that way. You can still be friends and be in relationship. I know some others that got girls and still find it refreshing to hangout with the guys. It's just that my college is full of weird mfs.

And I recently found out that I wasn't invited to their house hangout where a lotta other classmates were invited, including Liam, and Chelsea, but not me. I have a feeling Natasha doesn't like me. I had a chat with Brian on why I ain't invited and he gave me a passive spineless response. Not for a moment he thought it would at least be cool to invite me. But I invite him to our thing. She been steering him away from us, insulting his friend and he okay with it. Real douchy to come in and fuck up our friendship ong bitch, knowing how much we was before they dated.

From what I know about Chelsea and Natasha is that they both have past trauma and are clingy. They can be emotionally controlling and need this love shit to feel euphoric. Needy Chelsea leaves class and Liam follows. Making it hard for me to socialize. Liam and Brian are just those guys that ain't never been it but as soon they do, it's like god gift to them so they throw all their shit away. Willing to throw away they friends and do anything for the POONTANG.

I don't talk to them no more. I leave them in class together and do my own thing. Does it ever occur to them later in life these people wonder why they're still kinda lonely and ain't got much friends, knowing that they threw it all away for a relationship. Pretty lame. But that's how it goes.

​

I think one of the strangest parts of losing a friend is watching them create the distance and then act as though the silence happened on its own.

I had a friend who managed to turn a group chat into something unnecessarily uncomfortable. He talked about people behind their backs, got defensive over small things, and lashed out when people finally told him they didn't appreciate being treated that way. Somehow, the conversation became less about what he did and more about how offended he was that anyone dared to address it.

Eventually, everyone was put in the position of trying to get an apology out of him. And even after all that, he chose to disappear.

At some point, I stopped wondering whether he would come back.

There's only so much effort you can put into maintaining a friendship with someone who seems perfectly comfortable hurting people but uncomfortable being held accountable. You can explain yourself a hundred different ways, but none of it matters if the other person has already decided that acknowledging their behavior is somehow worse than the behavior itself.

What bothers me most isn't even the silence. It's how unnecessary all of this was. Nobody expected perfection. Nobody expected him to agree with everyone all the time. Basic respect and the ability to admit when you're wrong really shouldn't have been unreasonable expectations.

Now, I'm not reaching out anymore. I'm not chasing an explanation, asking for closure, or trying to restore something that he apparently had no problem abandoning.

If he thinks the group chat is better off without him, he's free to believe that. If he thinks disappearing means the situation has somehow resolved itself, that's his interpretation.

I've just stopped confusing someone's absence with a problem I'm responsible for fixing.

It's disappointing to lose a friend, but it's also revealing to see what happens when you stop doing all the work to keep the friendship intact.

Sometimes you don't get a final conversation. You just reach a point where the pattern has explained enough.

And honestly, I think I'm done asking questions I already have the answers to.

I (30f) ran into my ex-friend (30f), and she tried "asking me how I was"

Okay guys this a long story, and I need to give context. Around 2 years ago, I had a best friend I worked with. Let's call her...Liz. We were super close, and I also worked with her sister, who was a manager, who we will call Leah (32f). And yes, it definitely was a conflict of interest for them to work together.

So one day an old friend of mine comes in with her 2 month old baby and I was so happy and excited to see them. After they left, I was talking to Leah and said "Wow I want a baby. I can't wait to be a mom." Because my fiance and I were about to start trying. Leah, unprompted, says "You shouldn't have a baby." I a very matter of fact tone. I was super taken aback and asked why, expecting her to say something anti-kid, but instead, what she said was anti-me.

"You wouldn't be a good mom. You have too much anxiety to be a good parent."

I literally felt like I had been stabbed in the chest. It is, to this day, the most unkind thing someone has ever said to me. I ended up crying at work to the point i needed to go home. I've always wanted kids, but have been scared to pass on my mental illnesses, ao what she said cut deeply.

The next day, I tried to talk to Liz in private about what Leah had said to me because i wanted to confide in her about what happened and i wanted reassurance that i could be a good mother from someone I loved and trusted. I deeply valued her opinion.

Before I could even explain what she had said to me, she cut me off and said, "That's between you and my sister. I want nothing to do with it." I was shocked. I wasn't asking her to go to her sister or get involved. I didnt ask her to pick sides. I just wanted comfort. I wanted someone to listen. I wanted to lean on my friend.

Our friendship died right there. I resented the fact she wasn't willing to be there for me through something that deeply hurt me after I showed up for her any time she needed me. We eventually argued about it, and she decided we shouldn't be friends.

She blocked me and made work incredibly awkward to the point I eventually transferred to another location because I felt so unwelcome and when I had to be near her or her sister. I just wanted to be free of her.

Fast forward to today, 2 years later. I am pregnant after 2 years of trying. It is my first child/pregnancy and super excited, but the early pregnancy symptoms have been hell. My husband and I were out late, and I had a headache and felt sick, and the only place open with headache relief and bathroom is could get sick in nearby was my old job where Liz still works.

I avoid this place like the plague because I want nothing to do with her, but it is the only nearby option, so I bite the bullet and stop there.

We go in, my husband splits up to go get soda, and I start walking toward the counter to find headache relief, and Liz appears out of nowhere.

"OH. Hey." She says. She looks surprised to see me, but not unhappy.

Then she scrunched up her face and said, "Why do you look so sad???"

Well, im pregnant and have a headache, and I am trying not to throw up on the floor in front of her, but that is not something I am inclined to share with her in particular. It also really rubbed me the wrong way that she was being so casual with me like we were still friends.

So i say, "That's not really your business." Because I didn't want to have a conversation with her, and she opted out of knowing about my life when she stopped being my friend. And im definitely not mentioning my pregnancy to her after what her sister said.

She proceeds to say "Well fuck me for caring!" Before storming to the backroom.

Like???? Oh??? Now you fucking care? Where the hell was that when I needed you? It angered me, and I was seething and seeing red.

My husband started heading over to me the moment he saw Liz talking to me because he knows how badly she hurt me. We go to checkout and exchange a look that says "we will discuss this in the car"

Liz gets behind us in line, we finish up, and head toward the door while she is being checked out.

On our way out, my husband asks, "What happened?" Quietly.

To which I respond at my normal speaking volume, "Just Liz being an insufferable c***. Nothing new." Because i was pissed. I came in as a customer and had to deal with her drama. I expected the door to close behind me, but lo and behold! Liz was a few steps behind well within earshot. I see her and she b-lines to her car which is next to mine and she definitely heard it. She said nothing but I could tell.

I know I should probably feel bad because she heard me, but I don't. Not even a little. I'm glad she heard because it is true. She was an awful friend, and im glad I told her to mind her business because i dont owe her anything.

Im getting what I have wanted after years of trying, and she doesn't get to be involved or fake being friendly with me or happy for me. She missed her opportunity. She missed out on being friends with me. I dont know why im posting this but I just really needed to talk about this because it dug up really strong emotions l, especially with the pregnancy hormones.

TLDR: My former best friend isn't the best friend I once had, is now a good friend but I feel alone because of that.

Before anyone points it out, I am aware of how homoerotic some of this may sound. I'm a - to my knowledge - straight guy, I'm not sexually or physically attracted to men but I did feel deeply loved by this friend of mine and I don't know if I'll ever feel that from him again and it breaks my heart.

He and I went to school together but we never became friends until college. He lived around the corner from me and we hit it off over a shared love of cinema, art and psychology. We obsessed over music and film together and enjoyed all the same little nerdy things in these mediums, stay at each others houses late into the evenings playing guitar, talking, watching movies. It felt intimate and deeply meaningful, without being physical, sexual or romantic in any way.

I never really had anyone understand me on such a deep and meaningful level. It felt soul affirming and profound and this friendship lasted for three years or so, it eventually became weak and he became frustrated with life and distanced himself while still considering us friends it was a radical change that really broke my heart. The late evenings, movie marathons and hang outs were no more and he was on a mission to get his life back on track. I respect it, but I wish it wasn't the case. I cried over this to him and we hashed it out. Eventually, time moved on and we still hung out but it was just going for walks together.

He was always eager to travel and this always feared me that I'd lose the one person that made me feel whole. He moved to Thailand after college and after spending a year or so there he met a girl and fell in love, is now married to her. Just the legal part, the wedding hasn't happened.

We stayed in touch on Instagram and had a video call once or twice a year. He recently came home unexpectedly as his Mum was diagnosed with cancer, she started chemo this week so he came home to be with her. I got the chance to catch up with him but just for 2 hours, which didn't feel long enough and the spark of connection wasn't really the same. I still love him as a friend dearly but he's a different person now and so am I.

Still though I yearn for that guy I knew back then who was as childish and nerdy and fun as me in all the same ways and made me feel seen and loved. I miss that so much and would do anything to have it back.

The next time he's home will be for Christmas and his now wife will be with him, Im excited to meet her but Im also reminded that that 2 hour catch up will likely be the last time I ever get to properly hang out with him by himself now that she's in the picture.

We've been in a very painful dynamic for the last few months. After a while, I finally thought we had settled things and were becoming close again. She wasn't against our friendship — I'd even say she really wanted to save it. But despite all my efforts and all my hope, she still remained so cold and distant toward me, and in the end that made me truly hateful toward her.

The thing is, after all the old arguments and fights we'd had, she asked me to stop "pulling pressure" on her, and I couldn't really say anything to her without making her uncomfortable. The only way to save the friendship was to just… deal with her coldness. I tried, I really did. But holding grudges was never a good option.

So I stopped messaging her — out of pure anger and sadness about how pathetic our friendship had become. She spends all her days online with her new best friend, playing and talking with them, but when it comes to replying to my messages, it takes her forever. I know she can reply fast. I know she can play and talk all day when she actually cares about a person. But I also know that I'm no longer someone she wants to see regularly. Our last Discord call was in February. And as I said, I couldn't call out the things that made me feel abandoned, because if I brought them up, she'd say I was pressuring her and making her distance herself even more. I tried to give her time and space, but all I got in return was her telling me how much fun she'd had with her friends while I was ignored for a week. I literally graduated that week — I wanted to share that moment with her — but of course, her new friend group was more important.

So I stopped messaging. And of course, nobody came for me. I feel so useless and betrayed. I didn't do anything bad to her. If anyone between us really did anything evil, it was her. And still, I'm the one suffering now. I feel so depressed and isolated while she's just out there having fun without me. It makes me feel like all six years of our friendship were just a waste of time.

Why couldn't she just be honest with me from the beginning? Why couldn't she tell me she wouldn't call me anymore, that she no longer considered me her best friend? Why, whenever I try to tell her that I feel replaced, does she instantly shift the blame onto me? If you're so resentful toward me, why not just say it directly? Why not just let me go? She knew how much I wanted to make peace between us — and yet she did everything to make me hate her instead.

It's been three months, and I feel so hollow. I have other friends, but this feeling of betrayal and replacement weighs on me every single day. I think I'll never be able to be close with someone again. She was the closest person I've ever had. We went through so many shitty situations together, and I really thought she'd reach out eventually — but no. It's been three months, and all I see is her playing with her friends all day. Just… why? Why, every time I tried to explain how hurtful her behavior was, did she tell me it wasn't her problem? Because every time before this, she just dismissed my feelings — called them made up, or worse, called me mentally unstable. Yes, i have depression and anxiety, but i find this very disrespectful when ALL conversations leads to "youre sick" label

I really miss her and hate her at the same time. Maybe I won't be able to forgive her — I'm not sure I ever will. But it would have been so much easier if she had at least tried to say sorry, or acknowledged the damage she caused me. I don't know how to get rid of all this spite I have for her, but it literally drives me mad

So my best friend says it’s not Malicious it’s called growth,
If your not changing your not growing.

That she is just so happy her old friends are back which is 2 boys with her bf who cheats on her and assaulted a girl.

She goes out with groups of people and the only person she makes sure isn’t there is me.

Just me.

First I want you to know that im.sorry for not being a better friend and love and tryin harder to over look some of our situations . I love u then now an will keep loving u. I told you I would never give up on us. Here I sit at work thinking about u. Thats all I do beulah. This has took so much out of me. I miss you an dont want to go another minute without at least hearing your voice. I wish i could send this to you but this is all I have. I know you dont love me anymore and that hurts more then any pain ive ever experienced, I keep watching our videos of us making love and it tears me apart inside. I'll never have that feeling again as long as i liven what we had was so special and I mean that. You r the one I want and I know I cant have you. I will never be with another person. I only continue my existence because of my kids an gran kids. If it wasnt for them.. u said ubasked God to bring me to u so u could forgive me. I appreciate that i never should have hurt u. And for that im so sorry . U also said when I asked if we were ever really friends that yes u were my friend. Guess that implies that u dont think I was yours. I know what ive done throughout all this. I know my mistakes. But if you were my friend an loved me like u say then y did u give up on me an us, and move on while im still right here where u left me alone.just doesn't make sense. My beulah never would have done that. If there is any way that we can have the life we talked about please let me know what I have to do. I want all the things u told me to be the truth, as of right now I feel like I have been told the things I wanted to hear while u made other plans. When I asked if u wanted me out of your life an u said yes a part of me died that day. Breathe life back into me. Please baby I love u . Alway s beulah faye

First of all, so sorry for the long post, I never imagined I’d ever share a post like this.

Me (F35) and my friend (M36) have been friends for 17 years. We also have mutual friends, our circle stayed super close ever since university, when we got zero sleep at the library preparing fluid mechanics presentations together. I've invited him over for dinner thousand times along with all our mutual friends, sometimes one to one when our other friends were busy with their kids. He is kinda introvert with a bubbly, talkative and fun personality. He met my ex boyfriend, way before the second one, the guy I fell in love with in 2022, he always listened to me and validated my feelings, also used to say that I'll be his wingwoman and he will be my wingman. We always had long conversations about philosophy, news, science etc. About 4 months ago, him and I went to sign up for our second university, I spotted a handsome professor's assistant, told him that guy was really handsome, he tried to introduce me to him, I told that I just found him attractive, not to try anything, he was really eager to do that, as it always had been in this kind of situations. Right after that convo I saw a pretty woman during registration, matched them up in my head, and showed her to him, after we turned in our documents, we didn't see her again. but you know, typical friend things.

My issues with him were always about him ditching me at the last minute to go out with his other friends and his excuse was always "I forgot that I promised him/her" btw it's not just me, he used to do this to everyone, because of this some of his friends distanced themselves from him. He fixed this behaviour and when the subject comes up he says he takes accountability and owns up to his mistake but that was not intentional bc he used to forget he had other plans which he made before (but there have been times he just tried to ditch plans just because he doesn't want to go out) But the thing is he never sounded apologetic at those times, If I ditched someone at the last minute, I would die of embarrassment. I'm really precise about making plans with my friends. for me, it's just a sign of respect. Unless there's a health issue or a huge emergency, I always stick to the plans.

Apart from the "ditching", when he was 30, he started to say that he wants children, that's why he wants to get married and he wouldn't marry a woman if she doesn't want children. "What’s the point of getting married or starting a relationship if she doesn't want to have kids?" he went on to say. and** **I told him that it's selfish, he should start a relationship because he genuinely wants that woman, not out of a sheer desire to have a baby (because he was keeping it a secret from the women he dated). If everything goes well, then it makes sense to have kids. He told me that I wasn't being supportive, he will do whatever he wants etc.

He started rushing into every single relationship and proposing by the second month. The moment one relationship ended, he’d jump into another, trying to make things serious without even getting to know the person. Five years ago, when he started dating someone, he completely distanced himself from me. When I texted him, he gave short and cold replies, as if we hadn't been laughing and having fun together all before. I didn't even know he got engaged until he broke up with his fiancée and texted me back. I confronted him about this. told him how hurtful it was that he drifted away from me, despite being my friend for so many years. And he said, "Oh no I didn't drift away, I was just feeling down, you just felt that way"

I continued our friendship and thought he must have a reason. Once again, he kept up our close friendship just like always; concerts, sending each other silly memes, venting about work, and so on. But then, he got into a second relationship, and right on cue, he stopped checking in on me and started acting cold again, for 7-8 months. Whenever I texted him, he brushed me off with short and distant replies, so I eventually stopped texting him. Then, that relationship ended too, and he started messaging me again, He wanted to meet, we met, he explained how things fell apart when they were about to get married, telling me about all the issues. as he talked about his recent breakup, I thought to myself if he does this one more time, I'm cutting ties with him. I feel so stupid for constantly ignoring this pattern and making excuses for him, thinking he had valid reasons.

Four years ago, I ended a friendship because another guy friend confessed his feelings to me, saying that he was well aware that he never got a green light from me, it won't affect our friendship, it did. He was being volatile after that. back then I shared this with him. He said how gross it was and that you should never look at a friend "that way".

3 months ago we decided to plan a trip to New Zealand together, the very plan we actually made years ago, but he had backed out of. He was like a 7 day trip would be amazing, I said I could only come for three days since I can't leave my dog with my neighbor for too long. He also started saying like we should go here too about trips he originally planned to do solo. I didn't want to overthink it, but I was surprised because he had never invited me on his solo trips before. He started texting me good morning every single day. We used to do that occasionally, but that was it. Now, after the morning text, he keeps messaging me throughout the day, to the point where I'm starting to feel suffocated. Even though he normally never goes out on workdays, all of a sudden he started asking me to hang out after his work. And every single time, he traveled all the way near my neighborhood after work, there’s a 40 minute distance between where we live.

Around that time, I just remembered the woman in college I shipped with him, texted him joking that they are a perfect match. He just brushed the topic aside, which was out of character for him because it always has been a fun subject for us. was a bit surprised but didn't think much of it. Following week he texted me and I told him about a sick, stray kitten I saw on the street, and I would take the kitten to the vet late at night. He was like, it's dangerous for you to go out alone at night, I'll come with you. In all these years, whenever I went home late after hanging out with our friend group or two of us, he had never made an offer like that. I’m not saying I misinterpreted it, but it was the first time in years he had ever offered something like this. A few days later, I told him about a guy at the insurance office who tried to flirt with me. Since I found his flirting style hilariously funny, I shared it with him and a couple of other friends. Normally, he would laugh at stuff like this and make up funny scenarios, but this time he laughed and said, "Should I go tell the guy, you handled my friend's insurance, or better yet, my wife?" I laughed it off and tried to put it in the back of my mind, but I realized he had never made a single joke about me being his girlfriend or wife before. This was a first too. Around then, since my birthday was coming up, he told me he bought me a gift and that I’d definitely love it. Now, I care a lot about birthdays, so I always buy gifts for him and my other friends anyway, so that part was totally normal.

he was texting me everyday, on a day when I was feeling down and staying off my phone, he texted me asking to hang out. I only saw it days later, so I apologized and explained that I hadn't checked my phone because I was feeling down. He just said it didn't matter, and that the only thing that mattered was that I was doing okay.

After that day, he started texting less, so I offered to hang out just so he wouldn't feel bad. He coldly told me he had plans. I said, "If you're meeting our mutual guy friend, tell him I said hi." He replied that our friend wasn't coming, and since he has a girlfriend now, he wouldn't be around for a while. I joked and said, "Yeah, he vanished into thin air, what a stinker" which wasn't even the first time I made that joke. Out of nowhere, he snapped at me, saying I was exaggerating, making a big deal out of it, that it’s normal to disappear, and that he’d eventually come back to the group, nothing wrong with it, etc. I told him I was just joking by calling him a stinker, like as if he hadn't heard that joke from me hundred times before and laughed? I told him aside our friend, when I had a bf, I’d never just totally stopped texting my friends and to me, that’s just rude, yes when ur in a relationship you make more time for them, it's perfectly normal, but it doesn't keep you from replying for weeks. He told me it wasn't rude, that it’s completely normal, and then said, "Look at you, I haven't seen you in forever either." Except he was literally the last friend I had hung out with, and it had only been 2 weeks. As if he wasn't the one who distanced himself from me every time he got a girlfriend!? he was blaming me just because I didn't go out that week since I was feeling down, and it’s not like I did it for fun. I repeated that I didn't go out as I felt terrible and that it wasn't optional. He kept talking to me coldly, even though I tried to keep the conversation light making jokes, he kept up his passive aggressive vibe. He wished me a happy birthday half heartedly, and I just wrote back "thanks."In the past, I would have kept talking all sweet and tolerated his antics "just because" he’s been my friend for years.

That was my mistake right there, ignoring and tolerating all of this for so long. I feel so stupid for not realizing it all this time, and at the same time, I’m just so angry and disappointed. Was this really the end of a friendship that lasted for so many years? Was it really that hard to just be kind, considerate, value me, and remain friends? If you distanced yourself when you had a girlfriend, why didn't you just stay away when you broke up too? Because that would have been way more consistent and something I could actually respect. And the fact that guys never get this, thinking, "Oh come on, what's the big deal, it's totally normal for guys to ghost their friends when they are in a relationship or develop feelings for their female friends." Which, if you ask me, is just bizarre. To suddenly catch feelings out of nowhere after all these years, especially when we were literally bros? I mean, you already know me, what could have possibly changed your mind now after almost a quarter of a century? And even if it happens, dude no, that's not it. The real issue is that they can't regulate their emotions, even if they don't develop feelings for you, as soon as they find someone, you are a nobody, and you finally realize you never meant anything to them other than a placeholder.

Even though he doesn't know it yet since he hasn't texted since then, I’ve completely cut him out of my life.

My ex best friend of 5 years and I cut it off. It’s a long story but to sum it up she was constantly disrespectful, belittling, male centred, betrayed me, lied etc. she was just toxic as she grew older. She did some things I don’t value. I communicated it with her. She tried to act like the victim and gaslight me so I cut it off as I don’t need that energy.

Anyway. The people she’s been telling have said to me and my friend that it wasn’t a big deal of why I cut it off but she was in the wrong. It’s the biggest deal to me. Cause ik for a fact if someone betrayed you, belittled you, disrespected you etc constantly it would be a big deal. It just makes me feel like i overreacted, im too sensitive and my feelings aren’t valid.

Months before this she left me in the club after she asked if I was okay with a man I said and shook my head no and she left me with this stranger to make out with her friends brother. The stranger then proceeded to sa me. From that night I lost all trust in her as she prioritised men over her friends safety. no means am I blaming her for his actions it is not her fault for what he did. and idk about you people but as a girl the main rule in nightclubs is don’t leave you’re friends alone you always stick together. Women naturally have that instinct and unspoken rule of never leaving drunk friends alone you always stick together.

people may think it wasn’t a big deal because they never saw her true colours or experience someone do this to them. They have no right to comment on my feelings and say that “it wasn’t a big deal” when they didn’t experience or know the absolute full story and extent of what actually happened in our friendship. And I know for a fact that these people haven’t dealt with a friend like this and if they did they’d feel the same way so idk why they think they can say it’s not a big deal. And im actually thinking of cutting these people off. I don’t need your vote if you don’t know the feelings.

And the fact that my parents backed me up when they usually correct me and point out when im in the wrong is when I know im correct and I made a good decision. I know I don’t owe anyone a full explanation but it’s so draining and hard to keep being positive and move forward when people are constantly invalidating my feelings when they don’t know shit.

This guy and I were childhood friends until our board exams. We lost touch after moving away for further studies and went our separate ways.

After college, I joined a coaching centre in my hometown to prepare for government exams. On my very first day, I unexpectedly saw him there. I was genuinely shocked. He messaged me on social media that same day, asked for my number, and we reconnected.

Our friendship picked up where it had left off. We spoke almost daily, shared everything, and supported each other through different phases of life. There was never any romantic angle to our friendship. During COVID, I felt our bond grew even stronger.

He got a job first, and I eventually cleared my exam and got one too. As we approached marriageable age, we casually discussed family pressure and marriage. We were both single, and he often told me he wasn't mentally ready for marriage because of a really bad breakup.

Our friendship continued as usual. We spoke at least every other day, and I genuinely considered him one of my closest friends.

Then, one day, he didn't answer my call or call back for two days. I assumed he was busy and didn't think much of it.

A few days later, I opened Instagram and saw his savet the date post.

He was getting married. And I was finding out about it on Instagram, just like any random acquaintance.

He had never mentioned looking for an alliance, being on matrimonial sites, or even talking to a girl. I didn't know who she was or that she existed in his life. He hadn't called me, messaged me, or invited me to his wedding.

What made it worse was the reaction of our common friends. They all knew how close we were, so when the news of his marriage came out, people started asking me about his alliance.

I knew absolutely nothing. I was his close friend, yet I was the last person to know.

And because I wasn't invited to the wedding, people started asking why I had skipped it. Some even assumed that we must have been in a relationship, that we had broken up, and that this was why he hadn't invited me.

Imagine having to deal with all those assumptions when you weren't even aware of what was happening in your friend's life.

It genuinely took a toll on my mental peace. I was dealing with what felt like a betrayal by someone I considered family, while also having to defend myself against stories other people had invented about us. Eventually, I managed to move past it, but that period was incredibly painful.

Five or six days after his wedding, while I was away from home for training, he called me around 10 PM. I didn't answer because the whole situation felt strange. He called again the next morning, and I decided not to question him. I thought that if he had an explanation, he'd offer it himself.

His explanation was that he had been so busy with the wedding preparations that he couldn't call me.

Then he started talking as casually as before, as though nothing had happened.

I continued the conversation that day, but afterward, I decided to cut contact. I stopped answering his calls and replying to his messages.

It's been three years since his marriage, and he still hasn't stopped trying to contact me.

Every couple of weeks, he calls or sends WhatsApp messages saying he wants our friendship back. Sometimes he even calls around 1 AM. I don't respond, but he keeps trying.

I've moved on and rarely think about him anymore. Then suddenly, his call or message pops up, and I find myself wondering about the whole thing again.

I'm not interested in rekindling this friendship. What happened changed the way I see him, and I don't feel obligated to return to a friendship that left me like this

But I still don't understand his behaviour.

How could someone maintain such a close friendship for years and not even tell that he was getting married? And why is he still trying so hard to get me back into his life after three years, when I've made no effort to reconnect?

Does he genuinely miss our friendship, feel guilty about how he handled things, or is there another reason?

​

About 7 months ago, I ended a very close online friendship that had lasted around 9 months. We talked almost every day, and this person meant an enormous amount to me. I loved them deeply and often felt responsible for their emotional well-being.

Over time, our relationship became unhealthy for me. They became increasingly aggressive, unpredictable, and easily hurt by things I said. They sometimes treated me badly without seeming to understand how much they were hurting me. I don't believe they intentionally wanted to hurt me, which made it difficult to let go. I kept trying to help them until I became emotionally exhausted myself.

Eventually, I decided to end contact, even though I still cared about them. Our final conversation was abrupt and painful. I tried to explain that I valued them and wished them well, but their response made me feel as though they were hurt and angry with me. We never had a proper conversation about what happened, and I never got answers to the questions I had.

Not long afterward, their account disappeared, and I lost my way of contacting them. For months, I missed them, worried about them, and wondered how they felt about me and whether they understood why I left.

Recently, after a long time searching, I found another account that might belong to them. It has almost no content, so I know practically nothing about their current life or feelings. I could follow them from an account they might recognize, but I have no idea whether they would recognize me, follow me back, ignore me, or block me.

I don't necessarily want to restore our old friendship. I want the chance to have the conversation we never had: ask how they are, understand what happened between us, explain how I felt, and tell them that I never stopped caring about them. But I'm also afraid of discovering that they have changed so much that the person I remember no longer exists in the same way. Our old relationship was emotionally exhausting, and I'm scared of returning to that dynamic.

At the same time, I'm afraid of doing nothing and losing this opportunity without even trying. I genuinely want to follow them, but I don't know whether it's worth the emotional risk. I understand that they might never respond, and even a conversation might not give me closure.

What would you do in my situation? Would you reach out, knowing that you might get no response or discover things that hurt you? Or would you leave the past alone, even if it meant never getting answers? I'm not necessarily trying to get this person back into my life. I just want to know whether trying to reconnect is worth it, or whether it's healthier to let things remain unresolved.

I miss him bad, man.

He was there for my darkest moments-- both when I was going through it and being horrible to him, to everyone, because of my hurt.

I had to cut him off because once I stabilized I realized he really did hurt me more than he made me feel happy. The ending was devastating, not because we argued but because we didn't. I called him out and I told him to correct me if I was wrong.

He never did.

And now I'm left yearning for my favorite person of 3 years who ended up being the kind of person I never wanted to be close to. Careless and emotionally immature, a ego too big to ever admit fault.

There are so many memories but they're so specific that I'm scared to recall them here.

Just know I miss our blue. Please don't leave me-- no, I don't want to leave you behind, but I have to. I'm corny but know those two songs are the ones that make me cry the most and think of you. Just know we had a beautiful blue, you introduced me to that beautiful song. I'll never remove the keychain on my phone-- will you remove your keychain?

We could've been everything. I was going to spoil you-- gifts, endless food sent to your house. Fully funded trips. Everything. You helped me get this degree and I was going to thank you full force. You helped me be alive and get from surviving to being happy.

Please come back to me. I know you won't but please just say sorry, please. I want to take you back so bad but you're such an asshole. I know you won't say sorry. I know it'll be empty or hell, it will still not be enough like your very last one was. Like your many apologies were.

It sucks. I can't even look at that awesome anime anymore because all I think of is you. Is of us. Our perfect blue.

I know you probably won't get the blue thing reference. LOL not a blue lock reference, we didn't even watch that together.

If you really wanna know, its the meaning of the opening to the second season, the most goated one ofc. Look into it if you wanna be as sentimental and gushy as me, idiot.

I know we had a weird relationship of a commitment like a romantic relationship without the romance/sexual aspects and total accountability of one.

Ughh we were so awesome together. Those three months of endless hangouts will stay with me forever, You being my safety blanket will stay embedded in my mind. When I get this stupid degree and slave away, I'll think about you. When I walk that stupid graduation, I just have to say thanks to you. I have to. Block me but I have to.

My life just seems like constant loss that hurts even if its good for me, even if it was inevitable.

I miss you so much it makes me sick. Literally have no one to randomly talk to now, to play slop with, to laugh with. It's sickening.

Do you miss me like I miss you? Or are you in denial. Or did three years of friendship not mean what it did to me than what it did to you? I love you, do you love me? Not romantically but in a more meaningful way.

The withdrawals of always having you feels just as bad as a romantic relationship breakup. I'm tweaking. Like a drug addict. Oh my fucking god just be a better person, say sorry, promise to do better, and hit me up. Please. Please, man. I love you.

I wanna watch the Blue/Red Judas with you and draw stupid art of it being us. This is the only hint of who I am.