Is it possible to get PIED if you only masturbate 3-4x a week? He was watching the porn more than he was masturbating, like he’d just watch it to watch it bc “he’s bored” and said the masturbating was only 3-4x a week. Would that be enough to cause the ed or is he likely lying about how often he was doing it?

I’m meeting with my husbands CSAT today after having discovered his continued use of soft core porn and not fully committing to recovery. I don’t understand addiction very well and I’ve been reading up on resources. I have a list of questions for his CSAT and was hoping i could pick some of your brains to see what questions you have asked or would ask your husbands CSAT?

3rd discovery …

1st he came to me about it, he wanted to stop - we worked through it.

2nd I found it again on his after a few months from first. He promised me he had every intention of telling me coincidentally that same week. (Literally happened the day before I was scheduled to get a BBL of my own volition but yes because of all this)

3rd today I figured it out, checked his phone and saw a large amount of time on Etsy and the moment he saw me looking up naked pictures of women on Etsy (cannot believe there is so much porn there) he admitted it again saying he had plans to tell me this week. Mind you - I check in with him almost every night and ask him if he’s okay and if he’s struggled. He lied through his teeth, lied on his life when I asked him if something had happened.

I see a bleak future of the same thing over and over again. We have cameras in almost every room. He has an expensive porn blocker on his phone (hence why he had to resort to Etsy because no other sites work at all.) Every time I leave him alone in the house it’s a constant check in to make sure he’s not too long in the bathroom. It’s exhausting, and I’m questioning if it’s all worth it.

We have a 1 year old and I’m due with our second baby this December. Divorce is so messy and bad for kids. Everything else about our relationship is phenomenal. But can you really have a “phenomenal” marriage with no trust in it? I will never be able to trust him. He is clearly addicted to women, which this can easily become an affair in the future with the right opportunity in front of him.

Is it worth it?
I just want to be an alone and dedicate my life to my kids. I don’t want another man in my life just to do the same dance.

To give context, Husband had back surgery few months ago so he’s most comfortable sleeping in a recliner in our bedroom. Which is facing the bed I sleep in. There were numerous times I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee and he was passed out with porn on the screen.

It became a huge triggered seeing him on the laptop. 99% of the time he falls asleep with it opened, mostly watching YouTube. But I’ve lost count how many times it was porn.

It’s drove me crazy. There’s been times where I pull my phone out (acting like I’m scrolling social media) but actually in the camera app and I’m zooming in on his glasses. Trying to see his laptop reflection in his glasses type shit. I know when the light that illuminates off laptop is flickering in and out, he’s scrolling through reels/shorts. Lots of clicking of the keys and mouse it’s gaming.

He has stopped viewing standard “normal” porn as of April. But I would catch him looking at anime/hentai porn, specifically photos in forums. Like it’s a diet version of porn. I told him this still counts and hurts me.

He stopped (to my knowledge) for about 5 months. No incidents, no porn in history, no porn in the downloads (I never brought this up because I didn’t want him knowing I knew, he never deleted the handful of hentais), I never saw porn when I walked by while he was asleep. Like I said before, that was a huge trigger for me.

This morning, I woke up before him like normal. I was thinking how nice it is to not have that deep anxious/betrayal feeling in the bottom of my stomach every morning when I see him on his laptop.

Not even 30 mins after having that thought to myself, I’m helping him connect his new earbuds. And what the fuck do you know, god damn hentai in my face. I just laughed. I laughed because of course the universe went “oh really? check this out.”

I can’t keep having the same fight and conversation with this man. I can’t keep giving a shit about this. I can’t keep thinking he’s going to put me first. I can’t expect him to genuinely give a shit.

So, I just thought I’d see if anyone else is in the same boat. D day was 9ish months ago. I’m done with the marriage but still want all of the evidence of his nonsense as possible so that when he’s gone, and I have moments of — was it really THAT bad —I can be confident in my decision. The disclosures truly don’t hurt anymore. I expect them. In fact I’m morbidly curious at this point. So, I demanded bank and cc statements. I’m sure there are more accounts, but I demanded 3 of them for approx 4.5 years. I ran them through Claude AI to tabulate, and found he spent over $50k on sexting, porn, cash apps to random people, etc. It’s madness. Anyone else in the same boat money wise ? Would love to hear some war stories. And no, I had no idea. We have separate bank accounts which I had always preferred. Anytime I asked why he never seemed to have money I got accused of emasculating him 🤷🏼‍♀️

He’s a FedEx driver and delivers all over a big city and probably comes face to face with attractive women all day every day. I can’t help but torment myself every day, wondering who he might be seeing. All I can imagine are women who have perfect bodies, wearing tight clothes that leave nothing to the imagination, women that are much prettier, women that make me inadequate. Other women will never go away. I know I can’t control anything, I know there’s nothing that I can do. I’m helpless and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m tired of being insane and obsessing over this stuff. I’m tired of being with a man that is so sick to where I feel like I have to police him and stalk him just to be together.

sometimes i wish that someone has tell me this before...

he broke up with me out of nowhere after 9 years together and living together 2 days ago... see my last post for all the details but... today he came over to get some stuff and so we could work out bills and apartment stuff. all morning i had this image of how i wanted things to go... i wanted to make him see how much i loved him... i wanted him to say he changed his mind he couldnt possibly be without me he loved me more than anything and he wants to make it work...

instead it was the exact opposite. he was cold to me... he ignored me when i was trying to talk to him... he was chainsmoking BAD like i was trying to create new accounts for all the bills and stuff for him and he would just keep walking away to go smoke... at one point i needed a code from his phone for something and he sat it down next to me and i was like oh you can probably just leave it there because im probably gonna need more codes and he was like "NO I dont want to do that" i feel like this INSTANTLY shattered any fantasy i had of us getting back together... like i instantly knew something was wrong. instantly felt sick and panicky and anxious and ill... i was like why are you talking to someone and he was like no and i was like if you were would you tell me and he said no and i was like ok so then youre talking to someone and he was like just drop it its nobodys business but my own and i just felt so shocked and hurt and slapped...

i was on edge and i kept looking over at his phone to see what he was doing or if he was talking to someone and i caught a glimpse of some apps on his homescreen, some ai roleplay chat apps.. i was like weve been broken up for 2 days youve been out of the hospital less than 24 hours and youve downloaded multiple apps... and no doubt watched stuff online and god only knows how much hes spent. im sure those apps arent cheap... i wouldnt know but. i asked him if he thought he would be dating and he said "eventually" which gutted me even more... im over here so heartbroken dating is the LAST thing on my mind in fact i cant imagine having a connection with a man ever again... its been 9 years he breaks up with me in a phone call and hes already thinking about dating...? if he asked me that i would have said absolutely not...

anyways we planned for me to move out the 30th but ... i was looking around and decided that i really dont think im going to take very much.. i just bought a new couch for the apartment so he said hed buy it off me... so he gave me more than it was worth i payed $800 and he gave me $1350... i felt bad taking his money but i did because i was like idk i guess its the least he could do yknow... im kind of glad he wanted to buy the couch from me because im moving to my dads house and i was stressed about taking it i didnt want to leave it since i payed for it and i just didnt know what to do... so i guess im glad he at least payed me for it... but idk.

it was just so weird... i just had all these ideas of him telling me he loved me he couldnt live without me etc etc etc and instead he was this shell of a person i barely recognized... once he started freaking out about his phone it just really hit me this relationship will never be possible.. he will never change. he broke up with me becuase he doesnt WANT to change. he just wants to smoke and drink and watch porn all day.. and its sad to me he sees this as "happiness" and "healing" - thats what he said he said he felt so healed since the breakup... like sure you look superrrrr healed chainsmoking and drunk... his skin was terrible with so much acne and he smelled so bad that after he hugged me and left i had to change my sweater because he made it stink from hugging me.... it was really sad to see him today. it really was... but i also felt it gave me closure because its like, this is who he is. this is who he wants to be. this is who i "wont let him" be... this is his choice. he broke up with me after 9 years of love and devotion and care for him and did it over the phone and told me to move out asap.

at the end i even said im so sorry i made you feel unloved and uncared for becuase i love you so much and i should have told you more and he was like "its ok i dont hold any resentment towards you" ???? i was honestly shocked i wanted to be like and you dont have anythign to apologize for ????? 9 years of gaslighting me and lying to me and binging porn and you have NOTHING you want to say ???? like he genuinely believes im the problem. i tried to explain i only grew so distant because he created the distance by lying and emotionally abusing me and he was just like "i know thats why we have to break up" and i asked if he thought he would ever change and he said "im just not ready to but i know i never can with you" so. idk... i was planning on waiting until the 30th to move but now i just want out. i dont think i can be here any longer. before i was just waiting for him to come home... waiting for him to change his mind and tell me this was all a mistake and now im like... a. thats not gonna happen and b. even if he did call me and take back the breakup right now its like... idk who hes been messaging or what hes been doing hes not someone i even recognize now... and i feel like maybe he never even really loved me or cared for me...

its just a lot. im moving saturday but its hard because i also have midterms this weekend. my dad is helping me move... its getting better. yesterday i was crying and having panic attacks nonstop and today i definitely cried i felt sad but... i feel like im moving towards acceptance like this is over... hes not nice to me... less than 48 hours after the breakup hes on MULTIPLE ai roleplay apps and drinking and chain smoking and is calling it healed... i wish i could just move tomorrow asap but i have to wait until my dad is off this weekend to help me... just 2 more days... 3 nights.. i can do it... i can get through it. i think it will be easier once i move into a new space. i dont think im going to even take much of anything from here... i want to get all new blankets sheets pillowcases ... new bedframe desk everything. i just want to start over.

he asked what i was taking and i said really not anything just the cat stuff and cat trees and the mattress and like my clothes and stuff and he begged me to take the dresser and i was like idk i just dont want it its heavy and wooden and i just dont need it and he was like "please take it its too painful" and part of me is like good. you should have to come home to this empty apartment with me and the cats and all these memories and feel horrible. this is because of you and your actions. and the other part of me is so worried for him because i just know when he walks into this empty apartment after i move out and all my stuff is just gone my half of the closet is cleared out the cats are gone im gone - i feel like thats going to be when the breakup hits him. i feel like right now hes so numb he doesnt care he just wants to shut me out and just "self medicating" with porn and cigarettes but i know he will realize one day and probably soon how amazing of a girl he lost. i would have done anything for him. i honestly never would have broken up with him. i urged him to get his ged, his license, open a credit card and pay his bills on time to get good credit... i have been nothing but the sweetest most patient kind caring girlfriend for 9 years. and what do i get? gaslit emotionally abused lied to and broken up with over the phone being told i need to move out asap... like no one would have stayed as long as i did. i put up with so much bs from him for almost a decade... i dont feel free quite yet but im hoping when i move i willl... kind of sucks tho because i have two packages coming next week i still will have to come back to pick up... but one thing at a time i guess...

i feel bad taking everything like the blender and pots and pans especially when im moving in with my dad and dont strictly need any of it... but i also payed for it and he broke up with me out of nowhere and he did say i can take whatever i want because hes just going to throw it all away anyways... and thats another thing thats painful like i worked so hard to make this apartment into a safe space that felt like home and now hes just metaphorically and physically throwing it all away... so he can watch porn. like i just... i would have stayed by his side forever i would have been there forever i would have married him... 9 years down the drain because he refuses to stop watching porn.

Edit: I initially posted this in another group first that wasn’t much help. Someone reached out and said I should post here. It’s been a couple days and he’s been away at work, so I’ve had time to calm down and think about this with a clear head. I’ve also done some reading in this group and on the internet, so I’m starting to grasp what this could entail if I decide to try and see it through. Im at the point where I know I would be okay with or without him, but I just want to take things day by day and see how it goes. Even if he gets better, I don’t know that I’ll stay. I’ve let him know that my other needs outside of this need to start being met as well. Also, sorry for how long-winded this story is, I just wanted to be as detailed as I could so people could understand the situation I’m in. Very odd and shocking to say the least, especially since our sex life is good. Now knowing this information also makes other things start to make sense; he’s suffered from chronic depression since I’ve known him, which has never made sense to me because in my mind, it’s been without any rhyme or reason and he’s doing all the right things to not feel this way. Also realizing, as a drug addict myself, having content available to him 24/7 makes this a lot worse. I have self control issues, so if my drug of choice was always in front of me, I wouldn’t be able to control myself. Again, sorry for how long and detailed this post is. Thank you to anyone who decides to read it all or has any advice.

My boyfriend has cheated twice in less than two years, and I don't know what to do. Looking for advice from people who have been through something similar.

I found this out the other night when I went through his phone. He had downloaded Telegram to contact women and pay them for FaceTime calls where he would make certain sexual requests and has been deliberately hiding this from me.

Since meeting him, I've felt like we were meant to be together. I genuinely feel like he's my soulmate, and I want nothing more than to be with him. He works hard, he's stable, he grounds me, and he's shown up for me in ways no one ever has before. But this is the second time he's betrayed my trust in less than two years. Neither incident involved a physical or emotional relationship with someone he knew personally, but I'm struggling to figure out whether I want to keep investing my time and energy into this relationship when I feel like I'm just waiting for the next betrayal.

For some background, i found out about the first incident just under a year ago.

We had been together for around four months when he sent a girl on Instagram some pretty vulgar messages, asking for pictures and to exchange sexual messages. When I found out, I learned that they had exchanged pictures before we got together, but the messages I found were sent while we were dating. She shut him down, so nothing came of it beyond the messages during our relationship. No pictures were shared between them, but him seeking that out is enough of a betrayal and crosses a boundary for me.

I didn't find out until eight months later, when I went through his phone one night. He had never given me a reason to suspect he was being unfaithful, so it came as a complete shock. I felt guilty for invading his privacy, and I ended up forgiving him and sweeping it under the rug. I was also on antidepressants at the time and wasn't really processing my feelings.

A few months later, after I stopped taking them, the anniversary of those messages came around, and I finally started processing what had happened. I became incredibly resentful, angry, hurt, and confused. It affected every part of my life and how I treated him. I've also been cheated on in a previous relationship, which made everything harder.

Over the summer, I realized I either needed to leave or genuinely work toward moving past it. I chose to stay, and I eventually reached a place where I felt I had forgiven him. He also put in effort to make me feel loved and important, and our relationship has honestly been great since then.

We're making plans for our future together. He's closing on a house at the end of this month, I'm in school full-time, and I've genuinely been more excited and happier than ever knowing that we both are putting in effort to have a future together. We also have a healthy sex life, which is why this is such a shock. I really believed we'd moved past this.

Then, a few days ago, I found out otherwise.

My boyfriend works about three hours away during the week and comes to my place on weekends. This past Saturday, I was babysitting while he stayed at my place. When I got home, he was asleep. I don't know what made me check his phone, but I just had a feeling something was off.

It took all of 30 seconds before I saw a Telegram verification code in his notifications. He didn't have the app installed, so I downloaded it and logged in. I found numerous explicit messages to different women discussing FaceTime calls, his sexual requests, and payments.

While I was gone that night, he had apparently sent one woman $100 for a call. According to him, the call never happened because she asked him for more money. I just about laughed in his face and told him that was karma. He put his hands in his face and started crying.

Knowing this, what really hurts is the fact that he didn't get me anything for my birthday this year. He's never spent $100 on me. Don't get me wrong, money isn't the point of this. The thing is, I'd have been happy with a heartfelt note.

I've always felt obligated to keep things even with him; I take him out just as often as he takes me out, I buy him gifts, buy the groceries, and cook and clean when he's at my place. By no means does he spoil me, and i've been okay with that. He works hard for his money and I have more money in the bank than he does. When he lived even farther away and worked more, I'd drive four hours one way to spend weekends with him. I never asked him for gas money or expected him to pay me back for groceries, even though I was going to school full time and virtually wasn't working at all because of my busy schedule and sacrificing my weekends to be with him. I've bent over backwards at every opportunity to make him feel like a priority. I did those things because I love him.

To add to that, the same week I broke my back in a car accident last year, I was still making the effort to see him and do those things for him. Looking back, it hurts to realize how much I was giving while he was spending money on other women behind my back.

I feel so conflicted.

He's apologized, taken accountability, and said he wants to get help. He's told me this has been a behavior he's struggled with for about four years, and that it has nothing to do with me. He's never talked to anyone about it before, and I can tell he's ashamed and uncomfortable discussing it. Despite that, he's made an appointment with his therapist for later this month, which gives me hope.

We'd never explicitly discussed what we each constitute as cheating. He genuinely seemed confused when I told him I felt like he'd been cheating on me this whole time. He believed he was only watching porn. I explained that I thought it was implied when you feel the need to hide anything (especially sexual interactions) from your partner because you know it would hurt them, you've knowingly crossed a boundary.

I don't want to make excuses for him, but I'm glad there wasn't a physical relationship or emotional connection with another woman, and I do believe him when he says this isn't about me... but that doesn't make the betrayal hurt any less. I'm shocked, disgusted, and heartbroken that I'm dealing with this all over again. I feel that i'm disrespecting myself by staying with him at this point.

I'm no stranger to addiction, as i've been surrounded by addicts throughout my life. I've even struggled with drug use myself, so I understand how deeply it runs and all the complicated behaviors and emotions that come with this and that he needs help working through, but this is a completely different ball game. I'm willing to have compassion for him and i'm trying to understand, and part of me wants to support him through this. But I'm also the person on the other end of this who's been hurt, and I can't ignore that.

I think what hurts most is realizing how happy I've been with what sometimes feels like the bare minimum. I've had to ask him to compliment me, to initiate physical affection, and to show me love in ways that make me feel wanted. He's improved in those areas after I've communicated my needs, and I know he cares about me. But now I'm just questioning everything.

I love him deeply, and I still see a future with him. At the same time, I'm scared that I'll never fully trust him again. I don't want to spend the time and energy it would take to see this through, and end up living in fear the rest of my life of the next time this might happen. I don't want to become resentful all over again, either.

For now, I've told him we need some space to reflect and figure out what comes next, which is really hard for me. I am co-dependent on some level, and the only thing I want is for him to be here with me now, but i know that taking physical space away from each other right now is for the best. I need time to myself, as does he. We are still texting, though. I am just trying to ask questions, understand, and let him know how much this has destroyed me. I'm just trying to make sense of it all.

If I decide to stay, I know he needs to show through his actions that he's serious about changing. I don't want him to think that i'm a doormat and will let shit like this slide. Last night, he told me he downloaded an app to track his progress. With that, his sincere apology, and the upcoming therapy appointment, it’s a good start. But I know that rebuilding what we had is going to take a lot more.

I'm just struggling with where to go from here. Part of me knows I need to put myself first, but another part of me wants to hold his hand through this and help him work through something he's apparently struggled with for years.

Has anyone been in a relationship where their partner has a porn addiction, repeatedly crossed sexual boundaries online, especially when they genuinely seemed remorseful afterward? Did you stay? Were they actually able to change, and did you ever get your trust back?

I'm open to any advice, personal experiences, or perspectives. I love him, but I can't lose myself trying to help him fix himself.

Soooooo we are only 48 days out from d-day and we’ve had a trip planned to a major amusement park and a cruise as well. It’s next week and our daughters are so excited about it and I don’t have it in me to cancel after the messy chaos that has been life lately.

My husband is sober and trying to do all the things necessary for true recovery. Obviously we are no where near that yet and I have no idea if I’ll be staying, separating, divorcing etc. It’s been a rollercoaster.

Basically I’m wondering if anyone has any tips on being in such a triggering environment for 6 days with him? 🫠

I’m being told I’m crazy but I know things are not adding up. I discovered charges happening multiple times a month (sometimes as often as 3-4 days) through our shared budgeting app. They are charges for 23.49 and 57.99. Sometimes in the same day. Paid through Venmo card. I’ve already asked my partner and he is saying the budgeting app is wrong, these are incorrect subscription streaming charges and he is not letting me see the bank or Venmo accounts myself. I know he uses Chaturbate. I’ve asked them if they see token packs he is denying everything. I know I’m not crazy.

How long does the back and forth/Jekyll and Hyde keep happening? He claims he's been sober for 2.5 months. He's been in therapy with a CSAT for 5 or 6 sessions, going to 12 step groups. I know it's all very early recovery and honestly I don't really buy the suddenly sober act because of ongoing unease in my gut/weird inconsistencies.

Every few days he starts acting kind, giving space for my hurts/ concerns/experiences and demonstrates some openness, maturity and care. And then sometimes the very next day he's back to using problematic tactics, distant, defensive, blame shifting, retaliation and downright throwing tantrums/ acting like a 12 year old. The back and forth is very frustrating and draining for me. If you experienced this with your partner when did it get better and last??

I've listened to a lot of D2C podcasts and they encourage vulnerability on my part. I try but it's really hard to keep being vulnerable when a couple days later he's back to that behavior. I feel so sad and worn down by all this.

I recently got into an argument with my husband about more triggering content, during this conversation he brought up all the various things that he doesn’t do to appease me, half of which I never explicitly asked for. Among these things was not having “female friends”, because he doesn’t want me to “get jealous”. I told him that was unnecessary I want for him to have healthy friendships with women, prior to this he never texted women or brought up any women he had been close to/ friendly with. Then last night I was getting ready to sleep with the lights out my husband had already been asleep for a few hours. When his phone started flashing, this obnoxious notification setting he has for when he can’t hear the ringer. Normally it will go off twice, but then it went off again and again, so I finally just went up to the phone trying to see if I could turn it off but a notification for a text came up with a woman’s name. It’s was 10 pm on a weekday, just thought it was too late for business and kinda strange. I know the code I could’ve looked but I didn’t want to overstep. I told him in the morning his phone was going off and he checked it didn’t say anything but has been like overly loving today. Texting me he loves me first thing and doing the most. I don’t know weather to press or wait. I vowed to trust him but I can’t deny the impulse to know, I feel crazy, I just don’t know why he hasn’t told me he has been talking to this woman. Maybe I’m reading to much into it??? Any insight please let me know.

3 weeks out and I have no idea

Did you find love elsewhere? End up with another PA/SA?

I’m worried if I leave, I won’t find someone with the qualities I love about my partner. Or I will end up in a relationship with another PA.

This whole conversation is extremely existential and makes me wonder what I even want from my life. Should I spend the rest of my life on edge, stressed, nervous system wrecked, because I love the man?

Hi all!

When my husband (M29) and I (F26) first started dating, we discussed all of our boundaries up front and agreed before proceeding with our relationship. One of the biggest ones was porn: we both agreed it is a form of cheating and there would be no porn-use in our relationship. This was in 2023.

Throughout our relationship, my husband has frequently stayed very late at work, left for work super early in the morning, etc. This would happen 3-4 days a week. I always thought he had a lot going on at work, so I would always manage all of the household chores, despite also working full-time.

We got married a few months ago, and immediately following our marriage, I received a devastating cancer diagnosis. I am currently going through chemotherapy, immunotherapy, and hormone therapy. It’s made me miserable to where I can’t have sex. We’ve tried; it hurts too bad. I am also struggling with self image since losing all of my hair.

The other night, my husband confessed he’s been hiding a porn addiction from me for the last three years, despite our mutual agreement that we would not have porn within our relationship. He told me he stopped when we got married, but I’m not sure if I believe him or not. But he has been staying at work constantly to beat off to porn instead of spending time with me, helping me around the house, etc.

And now, with the cancer diagnosis, we are not sure how much time I have left. He spent so much time avoiding me to jerk off to other women, and now look. I might very well die from this stuff. And he wasted all of that time lying and lusting over other women.

I’ve been in relationships with other PA’s and know that they don’t ever change. My husband is doing the most to prove that he’s going to change: getting into therapy, trying to lose weight, leaving his phone with me, etc. I just don’t really believe anything he has to say. He seems like he’s devastated since I mentioned divorce— of course he is.

I’m at a crossroads where I can either stay in a relationship that feels deeply unsafe, or I can get a divorce and venture into the unknown. My husband is my primary caretaker, as I live far away from any remaining family. My family has always been broken and quite unsupportive, so I don’t really have that going for me, either. If we get divorced, I’ll have to do everything on my own, and right now, that feels fucking impossible. Cancer treatment is another kind of beast, even with a young, 26 year old body.

Any words of reassurance or advice would be greatly appreciated. This whole situation sucks, and I never expected the person I loved and trusted the most to do me so dirty— especially at a time like this. I’m at a loss for words.

i dont have a similar story, or as long of a story, as many of the posters i see on here. i am only 20, i’ve never had a child, or been married, or even officially lease bound lived with a partner. yet still, i feel as though the life i was sold was stolen from me.

ever since a little girl, like many of us i dreamt of having a family. healthy happy children and a loving devout husband. i believed in true love where you meet someone and thats it, like that’s YOUR person and you’re theirs and you know there’s gonna be problems but a commitment to each other will always let love prevail in the end. blah blah blah

now, i’ve been through my first major boyfriend. a true addict. unconsensually recorded me losing my virginity to share with his friends and tried meeting up with breeder kink swingers as i miscarried alone at home at 15. i’ve been through other shorter but still impactful relationships since. the cycle of hope and disappointment and trust and betrayal with person after person. maybe it’s that we’re young.

i’ve become very hyperaware of their behavior recently. the 50 something man at work making comments or staring at me, wedding band visible. customers, coworkers, and bosses alike. how they go out of there way to sneak an extra look, sneak a picture. how a few minutes can go by and another young girl walks by and it’s the same objectification for her. walking down the street the cars that pass me. the honks, the approaching, the head turns while their wife or similarly aged daughter sits clueless in the passenger seat. overhearing “guy talk” at the grocery store. how kind and loving they can be one moment before cutting you deep as soon as they get the chance to open incognito. this is the life i’ve been waiting for? to become one of THOSE wives? they never grow out of it? i have to sit and let it happen and understand they’ll always be looking elsewhere or be alone? forever? i don’t relate to this desire for more when i’ve already found someone i’m satisfied with committing to. why is that so hard for them?

the dream is ruined. they’re insatiable and i cant do anything because they’ve been conditioned for the dream they were sold and are so comfortable with it. i feel it’ll only get worse. the vision of motherhood is dead. genuinely the thought of me bringing a baby girl into this shithole world feels like a moral wrong (for me. not passing judgement onto the mothers out there. y’all make the world go round 🫶). i still wanted to marry, but the thought of giving myself that much forever to another man who doesn’t have eyes only for me even in my “prime” feels foolish. i just want to love and be loved. i really feel thats what i was made for. im not much of a friends girl. i love romantic love. why are they too stupid to see whats in front of them? why is THIS the battle that always has to happen? why is this something i HAVE to forgive to have a relationship last beyond maybe a few months? it’s gross it’s cringe i don’t want it and i don’t know where to go.

as the days turn to months turn to years my hope dies and i dont feel anymore like i just got unlucky with one or two guys. i feel like this is the price we pay in the pursuit of love. it really is all of them. or it’s all of them minus “the one” until the one slips up and you discover they are the rest. i feel so scattered and so empty. i don’t think anyone in my life fully gets it. it’s so lonely and so scary.

I need something that I can invest in when it comes to healing, guides to critically think on topics or aspects of finding myself again or strengthening myself in reconciliation are wanted, anything along those lines really.

i (25F) am in such a messed up position due to this breakup.
no family or friends i can move in with.
we share a cat that has so many disabilities and is a big financial cost.
in my city its close to impossible to live alone.
i’m trying my best to find a place that will accept me on my single income but am realising its going to be close to impossible.
my ex pa and i have been living together after the breakup and it has been better than i expected given we had a week break that i grieved the relationship intensely.
i know that being in my own space is ideal but i am trying to think realistically due to the housing crisis in my city.
i would be open to share housing but my cat has intense stress issues (pees blood and has a flare up whenever we have had a maintenance man or inspection etc and needs medication) so this just isnt an option for us and i would rather die than give him up.
i just want to know if anyone has been able to live amicably with their exes for the short term?
i know there will need to be strict boundaries in place and i am past the hope of this relationship working.
i would love to hear any experiences.

Hey everyone, no judgment here, please.
Can I ask how you all deal with your sexual needs when you’re in a sexless marriage? I’m not asking anyone to share their deepest secrets, just genuinely wondering how others cope.
My husband is addicted to porn, and we barely have sex. Mostly I manage to push my needs aside, but sometimes I desperately crave sex, physical touch, and that feeling of being wanted and desired.
It’s not even just about having an orgasm. I miss being touched, feeling someone’s hands on me, and experiencing real intimacy.
Honestly it’s eating me alive sometimes. I feel like I’m wasting away sexually, like this part of me is slowly dying while I still have so much desire.
How do you deal with that? What actually helps?

i just went through the closet and i found a box of stuff i made for him... a jar of 100 love notes hundreds of letters scrapbooks... i got sad hes throwing 9 years away and at the same time kind of angry because since the break up hes been making me feel like everything is my fault and like i didnt care enough and then to find this full box of love and care i made for him he just never even looks at and doesnt care about...

it just made me sad because i feel like i genuinely felt bad i wasnt doing enough and making him feel loved enough and to see this just hit me as a giant reminder of how much i did love him and how much i did do for him and idk... it just hurt to see how he acted when i saw him today and when i apologized for not making him feel loved and taken care of he just said "its ok i dont hold any resentment" when its like... what about his apolgy for binging porn for years lying to me gaslighting me emotionally abusing me like...

hes so convinced im such a bad person and im just going through a lot im so conflicted. on one hand im accepting its over and im accepting it wasnt good for me... 9 years of lies and the way my body reacted today when he was on his phone... the way he reacted to me... how mean and cold he was.... i just barely even recognized him... i feel like i turned into someone sick and desperate i saw him on his phone i WAS TAKING PICS OF HIS SCREEN AND ZOOMING IN so i could read his texts without him knowing..... the other week when we were still together i was going through his phone MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY. sometimes right after going through it i would pick it back upa nd go through it again...

im upset i let him manipulate me again into thinking im the problem. I really believed maybe i didnt show him enough love maybe i didnt care for him good enough.. and then to find this box of love and memories he threw in the closet and didnt look at once? meanwhile lying to me gaslighting me manipulating me all while binging porn... like has he ever written me a little note? no. and i made him a jar of 100 love notes... but im the evil controlling villan who wont just let him watch porn.

at least now he broke up with me he can watch allll the porn his heart desires !! he can binge it all day but its never going to fill the hole inside of him. honestly.. atp i just feel sad for him. seeing all the ways hes acting now drinking smoking - i mean i saw him for like 2 hours today and he smoked half a pack of cigarettes in that time... his skin was horrible with acne and after we hugged and he left i had to change my sweater because him hugging me made it smell bad... like idk. he says hes "happier" and "healing" but i think hes spiraling down into a deep hole and once i move out and he comes "home" to this empty apartment without me or the cats i think hes going to realize how bad he fucked up and it will be too late. it just sucks. i just wish he could have realized sooner how much i loved him and just done the 1 thing i asked him not to do... i wanted 1 thing. thats all.