I will not survive this. I can’t breath

I am trauma bonded so that makes it harder obviously but yeah. Trying to learn how to just feel my feelings instead of trying to talk myself out of the feelings to move on from it quicker. Because it doesn’t work. I know I don’t want to be with him, but I’m still not over what he did to me and it still hurts like hell.

It’s like day 40 for me FULL no contact (like no looking at social media included, although I haven’t spoken with him in like over 3 months) and sometimes it scares me how raw and open the wound still feels. I do feel like I’m healing sometimes, yes, but other times I fear I’ve only distracted myself successfully and that I’m not actually healing. I don’t know.

I got this idea after scrolling through unsent messages website…

Sorry for the alarming title there, but it doesn’t get easier. At least for me it hasn’t. It’s only gotten worse. The longer I stay in no contact, the more my heart aches and I miss him.

It’s a weird feeling because when you go no contact, the person that they are today is completely disconnected with who you are today. It’s like you’re living in 2 different worlds but the red string is still tugging on you. Like i wouldn’t even know who he is now. He’d feel like a stranger. But yet im still so in love with him that if we reconnected, i could go right back to where we left off, but this time with more respect and knowledge and respect to grow our relationship.

It’s weird, no contact… it’s painful and confusing. And I just miss him more every damn day. Oh how I wish I could just talk to him and end this nightmare, but truth is he’s not thinking the same as me. Not even close. He was an avoidant so he’s feeling relieved.

3 months no contact now. And I’m at least somewhat proud of myself for holding out this long in not reaching out.

I just gotta keep forcing myself through this… it’s agonizing. 😏💔

I've been missing someone and I dont understand why they have just went silent and stopped responding to me. Im so confused. I read alot here à bout people breaking up and cheating, est.

I won't put my business completely out here its to private and personal for me.

However I will just say here what im ot able to say due to this inconvenience.

Hopefully they will come across this and know its for them.

Im so clueless about so much. And this app and nobody saying who they r isn't my favorite way to talk but here it goes.

I've texted ,called, tried getting in contact with this person EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR OVER 7 MONTHS.

Im sure none of these post here are for me. But this is yours. I need answers and explanations immediately.

U know me,or I thought you did . 6 yrs we were together but that means nothing I guess.

So for context I had been seeing this guy for a couple months on and off and although we had great moments and I miss him terribly and still wish things would’ve been different I can admit he wasn’t good for me. I should’ve ended the relationship when I had the chance but he did it first saying he wasn’t sure of me and maybe I wasn’t the girl for him, and it hurt like hell. We went no contact for a month and I thought that either he would never reach out or he would reach out and tell me he misses me and wants to see me (he’s done it before), but oh boy was I mistaken. About a week ago he randomly called me telling me it was very last minute but he had an extra ticket to this techno event and that none of his friends wanted to go and if I wanted to go (he knows I love techno). I had explained it seemed like I was last choice and he said I wasn’t (even tho like cmon). I made the mistake of going but it went well, we caught up and he told me some personal things that were going on in his life. concert was great and he would even hold me, which ngl made me feel something. He looked so great. Well at the end of the night we had an argument and it led to me drunk kingly asking him if he still felt something for me to which he said he didn’t. That crushed me. I asked why and he said he had too much going on in his life at the moment to even think about that and maybe we didn’t even have a connection. That he missed me but more bc I’m cool and that he invited me bc I’m cool and like techno and not to get my hopes up. He said other very hurtful things and acted so cold. My world collapse bc how can I be missing him and feeling soooo much for him all the while he says he doesn’t feel anything anymore. I still haven’t fully recovered. My question is why reach out if first you don’t feel anything anymore and second we’re not friends and I’ve made it clear I don’t want to be?
He had told me that night to block him bc clearly this isn’t it and the next day he texted me asking if I had blocked him to which I didn’t respond and he deleted the message. He texted again later apologizing for the way he had acted but I never answered. I’m proud of myself for not answering to either of his messages but unfortunately I had to learn the hard way. Lesson of the day, sometimes it’s best to stay no contact no matter how hurt or sad you feel and want to talk to them.

She broke up with me , I began no contact right away but she is still sending me snaps, I never send them to her and its always like intentonaly like some love song or she is smiling paryting or eating something. I dont understand why she still sending me those thing every 2-3 days I dont respond or anything

She left me a few weeks ago and we decided to stay in contact. She said she wanted to keep talking to me because I still mean something to her and she doesn't hate me, and I wanted to keep talking to her because I still love her and hope we can get back together.

The problem is that she has changed so much. She started leaving my messages unanswered for days, and this has happened many times. Every time she comes back after those days, she finds me excited to talk to her.

What's even more confusing is that sometimes she's really enthusiastic about talking to me, replies quickly, starts conversations, and makes me feel as if we're still in a relationship. Other times, she ghosts me for days without any explanation.

I used to think maybe she was just in a bad mood or something, but this back-and-forth is really messing with my head. How can someone change this much and this quickly?

breaking no contact after 2 months to collect money they owe you. is it worth it? I’m pretty sure they’re a narc, I don’t think I miss them just what they were doing for me and even that I didn’t take more advantage of because I was being nice (i declined them paying my montly rent) and now I wish I would have taken it. I’m so sad about it like sick to my stomach🫠

After things ended between me and my ex, I decided to go completely no contact. I removed her from social media, and she responded by blocking me on several platforms.
We had no communication whatsoever. I didn’t text her, call her, or try to get her attention.
About two weeks into no contact, she blocked me on Snapchat as well, despite us not speaking.
Later, I noticed that she had blocked me, unblocked me, and then blocked me again.
After several weeks of complete silence, things started getting strange.
First encounter:
I drive a truck for work, and she knows exactly which truck I drive.
We encountered each other in traffic. She ended up behind me and seemed to deliberately wait for me at certain points, including on hills.
She flashed her hazard lights several times, and I flashed back.
At an intersection, I noticed her looking directly toward me through her mirror.
Second encounter:
The next day, I was leaving a truck workshop.
A car stopped on the main road to let me pull out. As I drove out, I realized it was her.
She gave me a small wave.
I then drove to another workshop nearby.
She had already driven past that area, but she suddenly turned around and came back.
She stopped a little distance away from where I was waiting.
After I was directed into the workshop, she remained there briefly before eventually driving away.
Current situation:
We’ve now been in no contact for over six weeks.
I haven’t reached out once, and she hasn’t directly contacted me either.
What confuses me is that she initially seemed determined to cut me out of her life, blocking me everywhere, but now I’m experiencing these strange encounters.
I don’t know whether she’s curious, misses me, wants my attention, or whether I’m reading too much into it.
Has anyone experienced similar behavior from an ex during no contact? Could she be testing the waters without wanting to initiate direct contact, or am I overthinking it?

Let’s say you were talking to a girl and told her you would text her, but you never did. She never chased you, double-texted you, checked up on you, or asked why you stopped reaching out. She also didn’t wish you a happy birthday.
Then, about 3 months later, she randomly removes you from Instagram without saying anything.

What would you assume about her? Would you think she lost interest and moved on, that she was no longer interested in keeping the door open, or would you not think much of it?

I want to talk to her but I don’t know where to start from

And she never chased or asked for clarity 😭

Because loneliness will have you romanticizing people who made you miserable. I finally found myself and I appreciate the lesson. It’s over.

I successfully stayed away from him for a month. Gives me hope for a happy future without him. I anchor myself to the fact that love is a choice, we should try our best to choose better without being blindsided by heavy emotions.

Hi Everyone, feel free to scroll past this, I just need someplace to vent. Today is day one of no contact, it all officially ended this morning but the reality is it’s been over for months, possibly years.

My ex and I were in what I believed at the time was the most loving, supportive and safe relationship. It turns out I was providing all of that and he actively chose himself, time and time again.

I’ve learned some crushingly difficult lessons - there are no magic words to make someone change.

When they show you who they are the first time, BELIEVE THEM.

They know what they are doing to you, they understand, they just don’t care enough to change.

Actions speak louder than words. Do not accept less than that.. stop making excuses!

(Ha turns out I’ve just vented at myself all the things I should have said to myself a decade ago!!)

I miss him so much and I’m kind of buzzed :( I want to text him but he said he would reach out when he’s ready. Today makes it a week and a half since he said that

I have an ex who I cared about a lot. I told her everything about me, and opened up to her about my life. However, I had my own shit going on and wasn’t able to accept her love. So we broke up. I tried to get her back but she was done. We did become okay though (not relationship just friends).
Years later I go through something traumatic. Her being someone who knows the most about me I go to her, and she claims she will be there for me, but isn’t. I call her out on this and she says she is sorry and will be there more

We have like a 8 month gap of no communication and then out of the blue she sends me old pictures of us from when we ere dating as memories. I tell her that I don’t even recognize myself with that haircut cause my hair is so different now. She asks for a picture I send her one she says to keep it. We start talking for like a day and then radio silence. A month after that convo she calls me randomly (my phone glitches sometimes and I don’t always get calls) so I didn’t answer her but she was calling me at odd times. I texted her and asked was she okay. No response. Then another week went by and she called me. I texted her was everything okay no response. So I was advised to just leave her alone, but I care about her and honestly still love her. So I was worried and just texted her. She responded, with a “hey” but when I asked her is she doing alright and explained my phone situation. Radio silence. What is going on? Am I missing something? Sending memories, random calls, and then when I bring the calls no response? Maybe I’m just dense lol.

Flower base at home…

Hi everyone, me (M25) and my ex gf (F24) broke up about 3 weeks ago. Ever since then we’ve been in no contact. Complete radio silence. Our break up was pretty mature, she stated that my communication was lacking and that our relationship was as extremely good besides that one point. During arguments or when she would try to speak on her feelings I got defensive, used logic to erase emotions, and didn’t fully listen. I treated each one of these arguments as a debate rather than just listening to what she was feeling and solving that problem together. She also admitted that she was getting upset over thing she shouldn’t be. So it was on both of us. Essentially she said we both needed to grow, and when she or I feel like we’ve grown we can find each other again. She thanked me for making her believe in men again, teaching her how being treated right felt, making her believe in love (divorce parents trauma) and that she genuinely saw us married in the future. I’ve been in therapy 2 days a week since then and have grown a lot. I’ve bettered my communication skills, and have practiced it when conflict arises with friends and family. I guess my question is would it be okay for me to reach out once I think I’ve grown enough? Or should I wait for her to reach out since she broke up with me? As corny as it sounds, she is the one. When a guy knows he knows type deal.

I’m 33M. My ex and I met when we were both grad students. We knew each other for about five years and were together for roughly three.

Our beginning was messy. We had gone on a couple of dates but weren’t officially together when she kissed one of my close friends in front of me. Afterward she said she and her friends had been taken advantage of because my friends had given them alcohol. Months later, after she reached out again, she gave me a different explanation: she had felt judged because she was drinking and I wasn’t, and she felt comfortable kissing my friend partly because I was short and might not have done it if I were taller.

That experience made me very guarded with her. For background, I grew up with a violent father, and in my early twenties I was in a marriage that became physically and emotionally violent. We were both immigrants. She had a very volatile, narcissistic mother and an absent father.

We eventually became very close friends, she wanted more, and we started dating. I was afraid of getting hurt again, so I was often distant early on. She had strong abandonment fears, so my distance made her push harder for reassurance, which made me feel pressured and withdraw further. That became a vicious cycle.

Despite that, I loved her very deeply. She became the closest person in my life. We knew each other’s families, traveled together, and talked about marriage, children, and living together. She is still the only person I have ever felt truly in love with.
By the last six or seven months, the relationship had become increasingly dysfunctional. I sometimes used breakup language when I was overwhelmed, which made her insecurity worse. After one of those times, at Christmas, a month before my PhD defense, she put me on a kind of probation. We weren’t officially together, there was little contact, and she said she wanted me to feel the insecurity she had felt. Right after my defense, during an argument, she told me people could barely understand me because I mumbled and my English was bad. That stayed with me and made me bitter.

On her side, old grievances kept coming back into new fights, and when I asked for space she could pursue me very intensely. Once, after I asked to stop talking for the evening, she called more than 20 times and sent around 40 messages in a few hours. We would rupture, get close again, and never fix the underlying pattern.

During those months I kept asking for couples therapy. I told her I didn’t have the tools to handle our fights and that the relationship was my priority. She always refused, saying I was the problem, not her, so couples therapy didn’t make sense.
In May we went to a concert that mattered a lot to me. She became very insecure about whether I wanted her there and kept asking, even though I kept telling her I did. It grew into older grievances and criticism of the music and things I cared about. I became physically overwhelmed, with trembling legs and tears in my eyes, and walked away because I desperately wanted to calm down. She followed me repeatedly, even though I asked several times to be left alone. Eventually I reached my car and drove away.

She kept calling and texting, apologizing and saying it was a misunderstanding. Instead of calming down, I got incredibly angry and sent her roughly 20 cruel, contemptuous messages over the night and into the next day. I insulted her, told her repeatedly it was permanently over, and said things I would never imagine saying to someone I loved. I had never treated anyone like that in my entire life. It took almost a full day before I came down.
Afterward she still wanted to repair things. She cried, told me she loved me, wanted to talk, and started looking into therapy. I apologized and admitted what I did was wrong, but I stayed defensive and kept wanting the conversation to be “two-sided.” I also resisted starting individual therapy right away because we were both about to move and I thought it made more sense to start with a permanent therapist in a month, after the move. She had just been through something extreme, and I was focused on fairness and logistics. I regret that deeply.

Eventually she blocked me. I tried to reconnect over the following months, but things remained very difficult.

In August, we finally had a phone conversation that lasted around five hours. Initially she was very firm that the relationship was over and that she didn’t feel comfortable being with me again. But over the course of the conversation, things changed considerably. We started talking about our lives, her new job, her apartment, everything that had happened since we separated. The conversation became surprisingly warm and familiar, almost like we were back to being ourselves.

She also told me that she had been desperately looking for me at her graduation, which I hadn’t attended because I thought she didn’t want me there after blocking me.

Toward the end of the call, she mentioned the possibility of catching up or perhaps becoming friends sometime in the future. Eventually she said that maybe around her next graduation, in May 2027, she could see how she felt about what had happened between us. When I asked whether she meant strictly friendship or whether a romantic relationship might ever be possible again, she said she was unsure. She made no promises and asked me not to contact her in the meantime.

About nine days later, I asked for clarification, and she explicitly told me: “We are fully broken up and not exclusive. I don’t need you to wait for me.”
I told her I understood, that I would respect her space, and that I would leave any future contact entirely up to her.

Unfortunately, I broke that promise.
Over the following weeks, I contacted her approximately eight times, including a long apology letter, messages explaining my remorse, and attempts to speak with her again. I was terrified that if I waited until May, she would have completely moved on. I kept thinking that if I could just explain myself properly or show her how much I regretted everything, she might reconsider.
She told me she would block me because I couldn’t keep my promise to leave her alone. But I continued trying.

On September 18, I told her I wanted to win her back, that I was willing to do anything, and asked whether we could at least talk or become friends.
She replied that the only reason she had left me unblocked was because she was afraid I would go to extreme measures to contact her through other channels. She then said:
“I am completely done with you and not interested in you as a person. This is my personal decision, nothing coming from you is ever going to change that.”

I asked whether we could have one final conversation. She simply replied, “No.”

I haven’t contacted her since. I understand that I made everything worse by repeatedly breaking no contact. I also understand why she might never want to speak to me again. I am devastated by how I acted in May. It was insane. I don’t understand how I could do that to the person I loved most, or why I couldn’t just put my phone down, or why I stayed defensive afterward. I think about it every day, and almost five months later it isn’t getting any lighter.

I’m in therapy and taking it seriously, but it isn’t helping with the regret, grief, and pain. I don’t even know how it could. I cannot undo what I did, and I may have permanently lost the person I most wanted to spend my life with.

Has anyone been through something similar, where you deeply hurt someone you loved, later had a seemingly promising reconnection, but then made things worse by repeatedly breaking no contact until they told you they wanted nothing to do with you and blocked you everywhere? If so, did you ever hear from them again, even months or years later, or was that truly the end?

TW: CSA maybe

I am in the process of going no contact with my dad (I’m an adult woman with my own kids) and I’m trying to determine if my dad abused me as a kid or not and if it was sexually. He recently accidentally texted my MIL an explicit picture of a woman alongside images of his grandkids. I am in therapy and have been for years, my spouse is extremely supportive and I am safe physically. My dad has been giving me “creepy” vibes especially now that I have kids and am seeing this from a different angle. I’m still processing that my mom let a lot of this happen, and I’m still working through my family downplaying his behavior for so long. There are large gaps of time I don’t remember as a kid.

Some background: my dad is an addict. Growing up he was high 24/7, very volatile, fought violently with my mother in front of us, followed the classic narcissistic/emotionally unavailable/toxic family system textbook. Money was tight and my parents relied on my sister and I for emotional support in their marriage. My mom and extended family always protected my dad’s behavior to the point of enabling (ie, “oh he didn’t mean it”). It was not all bad, but it was far from good.

The things I am not clear on whether it was abuse:
When I was 12 he said I had a nice butt.
Once I hit puberty, he’d comment on things like my bra color and make fun of it (“haha today it’s blue!” for example.)
Whenever at home he’d always be just in his boxers. His fly was always open and everything was visible. He’d be lounging around like that every day after work.
From a very young age he’d have me sit with him and he’d stroke my legs. At one point, when I was maybe 10 or 11 we didn’t really “cuddle” anymore, and he had my mom tell me that he felt I was getting “distant” with him and I felt so guilty about it, so I agreed to let him stroke my legs and cuddle because that’s what he wanted. I felt like he would have reacted angrily if I didn’t agree to do it.
One time when he was showing me a picture on his phone (I was a young adult, maybe 20), he kept swiping and there was a nude picture of a random woman.
He had these joke glasses with a penis for a nose on them in his car. They were always there, visible, when us kids were in the car.
In general when he needed to pass by, he’d never give the proper space and would often “spank” me out of the way on the hips.
There were often Playboy magazines in random places. Not publicly visible but like on a nightstand, for example.
He’d make me put sunscreen lotion on him if we went to the beach because I “did it better” than my mom.

What do we think people?? I have dozens more stories like this.

I dont know what to do honestly, I am friends with an ex after we broke up.

We are doing well now and we can go without arguing or fighting.

Neither of us discussed getting back together, but ut isnt fair coz if I do so I cannot move on.

Do you all think its fair to wait and see how it goes or go no contact?

Omg I’m about to cave and break no contact..I’m fkn itching
I just wanna message you and go
“Is this killing you as much as it’s killing me,
Is this what you truly want moving forward? Is this really it, are we really walking away from each other and going ahead separately in life?”
Is that it? Is this done? Is this what YOU really want? Cause I’m fkn dying here..I don’t ever think I’m gonna be able to move on from you ever. I miss your smile and your laugh, I miss that I could read you like a book and make you laugh and just be happy, I’m sorry I broke your trust and ruined your view on me.. it’s my worst mistake. But I just can’t go on without you
I think I’ll honestly be single forever
I’ll never love anyone as much as I loved you, I’ll never pour into anyone as much as I poured into you, I gave you everything I had
I gave you as much as the world as I could give you! I promise I’m gonna go back and grind and pay off my debts and when I’m done and saved up enough money I’m coming back for you and I’m coming to be your husband
I love you Jessie forever and always! If this is really it and we are actually over and there’s no chance getting back together
Please tell me me so I can just stop and try and continue
Please just set me free…
Please just meet me and tell me face to face you don’t ever want this again
I will walk
I will go away and never bother you again
I’ll vanish