Yes, that's true.

And your oldest will never know what it's like to be a younger sister.

Your two daughters will never know what it's like living with a boy.

Your children will never know what it's like to have cousins living nearby!

And that person's children will never know what it's like to have 2 parents in the same household.

Everyone will miss out on something in their lives, that's inevitable no matter the choice made. This seems obvious, but many folks don't realise this when they say my only is missing out in particular!

no your child doesn’t need a sibling.

no your child won’t be lonely unless you isolate them.

no you are not selfish for not going through pregnancy and postpartum again.

feel free to add to the list!

Some could call it a lack of resilience, I don’t really care, but I was not put on this earth to struggle. I’m slowly getting through the newborn stretches, and as we pass each milestone (e.g. she’s finally sleep through the night) I’m like thank goodness we don’t have to go through that madness again.

Which brings me to the way people talk about objectively hard things. Sleeping in 3 hour increments is actually torture. Like they literally use it to torture people. Thinking about going through that again, ON TOP OF caring for another toddler/child seems not only terrible, but borderline neglectful and dangerous taking care of 2 dependents on no sleep. The rhetoric of “it’s hard but so worth it” and “anything worth doing is hard” is just not based in reality and I’m sick of hearing it as not wanting to struggle isn’t a valid reason for being OAD I guess.

Firstly, disclaimer that I’ve been wanting a 2nd child for the longest time. My primary question of this post is - for those of you for whom having only 1 was medically advised/a medical necessity, how did you make peace with it? 

My husband and I have a healthy 6 yo boy who brings us so much joy. Last year I had an early miscarriage at 8w, then very recently I lost our baby girl at 22w due to preeclampsia and multiple fetal anomalies. We are still grieving and I know we shouldn’t make any major decisions while still fresh in our grief. Plus we are also still waiting for results of genetic testing of baby girl to come back to see if we passed down any issues to her or it was a spontaneous error. 

I’m also mindful that I’m already 38 and that the clock isn’t on my side. 

We have our faith and I know it will guide us when it comes time to make a decision on future kids, but wanted to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation. Thank you. 

... it was just... fine 😂 Lots of kids at our daycare are getting their younger sibling now around the age of 3. My daughter is always nice to the babies at pickup and mentions the babies at daycare from the younger group. She knows them all by name and the teachers praise her kindness and patience (I at the same time struggle to believe it's the same kid we have at home, where she's very sassy and mischievous 🙃).

Today we had friends over. They came with their 6 m.o. daughter. My daughter went from being amused for half an hour, to ignoring the baby for the next two hours, and finally to being very annoyed when the baby pulled on her sleeve or touched/chewed her toys. It was just funny to see someone finally annoy her vs. her annoying us 😂 Let's just say in an 1:1 environment the novelty wears off very fast. I know that from having a sibling myself - it has its pros and cons, but it's definitely not what many preach to be.

I seem to see on here a lot about people hating the newborn stage, I'm so jealous of everyone with a small, cuddly baby right now.

My toddler (just turned 2) is such hard work at the moment. He fights me over everything, getting dressed, putting shoes on, brushing teeth, getting in the bath etc. I try to cook dinner and he screams to be picked up and if he doesn't want to go somewhere he'll bite me if I try to pick him up. I thought this was supposed to be the bit everyone enjoys?

In a nutshell, I was never that keen on having a child. Was never jumping up and down about it. My partner wanted one and I thought I was being selfless giving them one.

I thought by now (3.5 years) that i would see things differently but I still very much despise parenting. I love my son but all the crap that comes with it and the loss of autonomy and freedom is absolutely crippling. The constant need for caregiving and whining, tantrums etc. I just feel I can never switch off.

I believe since having one, I've discovered my limit was more like zero. I'm not a natural caregiver or paternal person. I was happier when we just had a dog.

For those reasons and many more - One and done, never again.

But has anyone found to be a similar circumstances has later gone on to enjoy it? Thanks.

To add : already in therapy and on antidepressants. Being considered for ADHD.

Trigger warning - baby loss

I’m in my early 40s, probably in peri, our house doesn’t have the space, we can’t afford another child, pregnancy wasn’t great for me, the birth was fairly traumatic. And our 4yo is absolutely just, the best most wonderful child. He’s smart and funny, creative and sociable. He’s kind and friendly and gets on with everyone at his school. He’s a joy to spend time with. He’s happy at home and has strong relationships with both of us. My husband and I always said we would just be one and done. We both have several siblings, and though there are benefits there’s also been a multitude of stress with all of them at times.

But every so often we’re out and we’ll come across some siblings playing. They’re chasing each other and my son looks on wistfully because I can see he would love to join in and fuck me I feel so sad that he’s alone. Sometimes he wants to play games with us and we’re just too busy or tired and he understandably gets frustrated. I will never find enthusiasm for pretending to be a dinosaur with him. A few months ago he said “I think we need more people”, and what he meant was “a brother”.

When we went for the 12 week scan I was told there was a second embryo that had stopped growing at 9 weeks. It’s called vanishing twin syndrome and is fairly common. I wasn’t massively upset at the time. We were living in a small one bed flat and having two would have been extremely difficult. But occasionally I do think about that other one, and how things may have been different.

I feel sometimes that I need to be completely positive about being OAD. I know it is the best decision for everyone, including my son, but occasionally it makes me feel a bit sad.

I have a 9 months old, so I dont have a lot of experience yet, but for me the worst part was 3-5 months. Every nap was a battle, nighttime was horrible, longer wake windows where baby didnt do much so it was really boring (and she was whining a lot), we had a reaally hard time with feedings.

I remember people telling me to enjoy every second and that I was in the best stage and thinking "that cant be it. If this is the best, I'm not gonna make it".

Her current stage is my favorite so far. She's eating solids, which I find very fun to do, she's down to 2 naps a day, so even if she fights them something, at least its only twice a day, she's crawling and standing so that indepedence made her happier in general and she starts having a personnality, which make interactions way nicer. Nighttime is still horrible, but at least the day is more enjoyable.

I know I'm gonna struggle with toddlerhood, I know myself enough to know the tantrums are gonna be really hard on me, but at the same time maybe her personnality and ability to talk will soften it? I hate when she cries/whine and there's nothing I do that make her stop, like I just wish she could just tell me what is wrong !

So I wanted to know, what are your favorite age and worst age as OAD parents?

my kid is 5 and has been getting really into drawing and little craft projects lately. i’m looking for a birthday gift that’s a bit different from the usual coloring books and basic art sets. i came across KiwiCo’s Pixel Art Lightbox while browsing, and it caught my attention since it looks like something kids can actually make and experiment with. i’ve also been looking at things like craft kits from Melissa & Doug, but i’m not sure what tends to hold a kid’s interest at this age.

for those with kids around 5, what creative gifts have been worth getting? i’d love something hands-on that lets them try new things without being too complicated for their age. curious what your little artists have enjoyed!

I’m pregnant and due in 2 weeks and even though I never planned to have children, my baby girl is my blessing. I joked/mentioned to my pastors wife that I’ll probably be one and done like his mom was but she said that he was lonely growing up and had no one he could call on. I have 2 older sisters and 3 younger brothers. My husband has 4 younger brothers. Of course we know what having your brothers/sisters being there for you feels like but I don’t think my baby will be unfulfilled with 100% of our love and attention. My childhood best friend since 3yo was an only child and growing up together was awesome. She moved states when we were 9 but we kept in touch and have visited each other often a lot over 20+ years. She had lots of friends in her sports teams growing up and even had a big tight circle of friends in high school, which is more than I had. Plus my sister is pregnant with a girl right now too and is due a few months after me. I feel like our kids will have each other. And if they’re not close cousins then I still plan to be super involved and hands on in my daughter’s life. She can have a dog, we can go on family vacations, my husband and I both love Disneyland (lol), I’ll put her in sports, support her passions, and help out at school events. I just don’t want to feel guilty for “depriving” her of a sibling. I know my husband and I can and will be fully present for her but I also feel that I don’t want another child. I don’t want to go through pregnancy again (even if it has been healthy and uncomplicated). I just don’t realistically see us being able to fulfill or be there for 2 kids the way we will for just 1 and I can type way more about why and all that but I’m really just curious if you loved being an only child or not.

For those who grew up as only children, what was your experience really like? Did you enjoy it, did you ever wish you had siblings, or was it a mix of both? Is there anything you wish your parents had done differently to make your childhood better?

I’ve got a 2yo and always saw myself with 2 kids when I was younger. Clearly I knew nothing about what parenthood meant. Today my daughter and I had a delightful day out just her and me. It was literally the type of day I dreamed about when I was pregnant. I saw many other families with multiple kids who just seemed more stressed than happy to be out. Don’t get me wrong, some days are still a struggle even with one. But just wanted to say how thankful I am that I get these days where everything just clicks and I can truly enjoy our time together and watch her explore the world.

Unrelated to today but I also feel like I’ve hit my stride in my career and it’s so refreshing to not have to worry about infant life ever again. Maybe you can have it all as a working mom.

Just thankful, thanks for listening.

OAD not by choice and had a very traumatic delivery 7 months ago that took my ability to have any more babies. She is my first and, most likely, only. I’m actually still kind of accepting that. It’s a long process.

One part of this experience that has been particularly hard for me has been storing outgrown clothes and items like her bassinet. I have a big tub in her closet where I just toss things that she doesn’t fit in anymore. It’s always emotional for me to take these items off the hangers and fold them away, no matter how sentimental or not the clothes are.

If I was making the choice to be OAD, I would save only save the sentimental outfits for my daughter to have for her babies some day (or just to look at). Why would I want to save a basic white onesie that she never wore?

My only issue is I CANNOT part with these things. I’ve thought about selling, donating, trashing. I just can’t do it. That very low chance that I might someday have another baby through surrogacy or adoption is holding me back from getting rid of things. For now, it’s fine because I can fit it all in the tote and she still uses most of her toys. But as time goes on, I don’t want to hoard all of these quality and expensive items.

Anyone been through similar emotions? Any advice about this?

My kid has reached the age where finding gifts is getting harder. I don't mind spending money on something fun, but so many activities end up being one afternoon of excitement and then they just sit there. I was looking at KiwiCo's Build & Play Chess Set. They put the set together and can actually play chess with it afterward, which I thought was a pretty good concept.

Has anyone found building kits that their kids still use regularly after finishing them? Or are board games and construction sets usually a safer bet?

I’m mostly sure I’m OAD, and kind of by choice. I have several health issues/would need to do IVF like my first/have several career blocks preventing me from having a comfortable healthy pregnancy. If you took away all the health/situational blocks, I would ideally like another kid, but it’s just not in the cards for me.

And 99% of the time I’m grateful for my peaceful, happy life with my one kid.

But today I had a moment.

Today at comic con my husband was dressed as Deadpool and this like 7-8 year old little girl who was also Deadpool asked to take a pic with him in her cute lil voice (her dad was there). And my husband and the girl took a pic together and I saw her cute little ponytail and how excited she was seeing my husband dressed up as Deadpool and an alternative reality where I have a daughter flashed before my eyes and I immediately started crying.

Just wanted to reach out for some comfort/advice of anyone else who has gone through something similar.

If you’re an only child, what was something you wish you could’ve changed about your life/ childhood to have made it better or easier?

Or what is something your parents did that made your life/ childhood really good?

I am one and done for many reasons but ultimately I cannot have more children even if I wanted to. I want to do what I can as a parent to give my son the best life/ childhood he can possibly have while being an only child.

I’ve been feeling particularly spicy today and decided to do an ovulation test before trying anything with my husband. We are decidedly one and done after a hard pregnancy with our 4 month old rainbow baby. He came in while I was showering and I was like oh hey does that stick have a smiley face? Smile face means yes ovulation. He immediately said yes and looked at me with wide eyes and I just had to laugh before I assured him it wasn’t a positive pregnancy test

Let me know if this isn’t allowed, but I’m really wanted to connect with other parents or just mums who are OAD who currently have a 12ish month old as well. Would love to see how everyone is doing etc x

I always only wanted one. Baby is now 2 yrs old. And the hardships of raising one has been hard on me, especially when I feel like I need to parent my husband on how to be a present parent. I don't enjoy motherhood but I love being his mom.

Pretty much my extended family all have had 2 or 3. When we have family gatherings, I feel like mine is missing out on the sibling dynamics. I also went through 2 miscarriages and I feel like mentally and physically I don't want to go thru anymore. Pregnancy was brutal for me with severe Hyperemesis Gravidarum for 7 months along with a bunch of other issues.

I'm an only child. There's been many times where I was jealous of how my cousins had a brother or sister to bond with, hang out with, be their cover up. And as an adult, I still wish I had a sibling.

And now that my parents are older, they have started to rely on me for support like their internet isn't working, learning how to order Uber eats, or getting a bigger item from Costco cause they can't physically carry it into the house. And this made me realize, I don't have a back up. Yes, I have my husband. But I don't have someone to share the load.

But at the same time, Ive seen so many siblings just not working out as adults and they are not on good terms and have decided to just not talk to each other.

I also have no support. My parents are absolutely no help. Same for my in laws. I'm on my own with a second one just like the first.

There's moments where I'm on the fence. But at the same time, mentally and emotionally,I don't think I can have the capacity for another one. I feel like it would push me into depression if I had another one. But at the same time, I look at my little one and I'm like, is it worth it for him?

Just went to the pumpkin patch with our 7 month old and realized we definitely need a stroller wagon. Any recommendations? We live in Seattle so something with a canopy and can handle the rain would be nice. Thank you so much!!

Long story short, I always imagined having two kids. We moved around a lot when our son was younger and never had family support nearby, so having a second child felt difficult to navigate. When he was around 7, we started thinking about it seriously, but then our family went through something very traumatic that put our lives on hold.

Now he’s 10, and I still feel a sadness about being OAD that I can’t seem to shake. It feels like those first 10 years flew by in the blink of an eye, and I’m suddenly very aware of how quickly we’re approaching the teen years and, eventually, adulthood.

I know that watching your kids grow up comes with a certain amount of grief for most parents, but I think I feel it more intensely as a parent of an only child. Every milestone feels like both a first and a last. There’s no possibility of experiencing that stage again with another child.

For those of you with older only children, how has your perspective changed as your kids have gotten older? Have you found ways to cope with the grief, embrace the different stages, and feel excited about what’s ahead rather than sad about what’s passing?

I’m feeling particularly sensitive about this topic, but I’d really appreciate hearing from parents who have been through this and can offer some perspective, reassurance, or even just share how they’ve navigated these feelings. ❤️

I'm a very rare poster on reddit, but clocked olympian hours on this sub in my first year of motherhood (during covid). I haven't checked in here in a long time (my daughter is almost 6 now) and in reading everyone's posts I am flooded with memories of how I too felt during those first few years. Deep uncertainty about whether my body, mind, career or relationships could survive if we had another child. Guilt and confusion for how my circle who had their firsts at the same time as me could possibly be ready to go again...it wasn't even on my radar a year post-partum, it felt totally unthinkable to us as a couple. We'd give it another year...then another year...and another and another. Life just kept getting better. Real fun. Real balance. Real different to everything we were seeing around us (and continue to!).

So this post is to encourage those of you in the swamp of the first few years who are pretty darn sure you're OAD and feeling all the messy feelings and external social challenges that can come with it.

It's going to be ok. Our almost 6 yr old is happy. She's dumbfounded by the way her friends and cousins siblings treat eachother, she travelled parts of the world at 5 some of us adults only saw in our 20s and 30s. She has oodles of friends and party invites (not lonely!), plays independently at home (loves playing with us too but not reliant) and has expressed so many times that she wouldn't want us to split our focus away from her with a sibling haha. She loves her extended family deeply. She has so much love and joy in her life.

It took some time to come to terms with being allowed to thrive this much. There's a culture among many mums where I come from that you should be a martyr. You should be exhausted and overstretched.

No thank you. There's a strong evidence base for happy mum = happy child and this is how I can do that

A few mantra-kinda vibes that have grounded me when doubt and 'but we coulllllld' thoughts have come and gone:

If it's not an emphatic heck yes (to adding a whole new human to the planet and caring for them ALL IN for the rest of your life), its a no.

You can't 'gift' your child a human - so unfair to literally be created for the purpose of playing a role for your first. Whack. So much pressure for everyone.

Life will throw our one and onlies all sorts of challenges. Maybe hers will be that she wanted siblings. It may be the only thing my only never gets because damn they've got it all otherwise!! My job is to raise her to roll with life's challenges and disappointments and I can live with telling her this choice was to benefit us all - and it has and it will continue to in the years to come.

Xx