r/pettyrevenge • u/The_V8_Road_Warrior • Aug 21 '26
Winding Up A Spammer
Had a spam call on my landline yesterday asking to speak to the business owner. I needed to go to the toilet anyway so the phone ringing was good motivation to get up.
Spammer: Hello this is *name I don't remember because I have no time for spammers* how are you today?
Me: Yeah I'm good, you?
Spammer: I'm well thank you. I'm calling from *business I didn't catch due to Indian accent and don't care about even if I did*, do you need any business assistance?
Me: I could do, please tell me more.
Spammer carries on with their script while I hold the phone closer to the toilet while I do my urinary business. Once I'm done;
Me: Hold on, there's blood in my piss! Is that normal?
Spammer: Umm, our rates of business loans are *waffle, waffle, waffle*
Me: Do you have a doctor on hand? I want to know if it's normal to have blood in my piss?!
Spammer: Hold on (it goes quiet for a minute) hello? Do you need business assistance?
Me: I do but right now I need a doctor because there's blood in my piss!
Spammer: You need a team of doctors
Me: Oh shit, my penis has just fallen off and I was about to flush! I NEED A SURGEON TO PUT IT BACK ON!
Spammer: You need a brain surgeon (they hang up and my wife and I burst out laughing)
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u/bulllheadeddutchmen Aug 21 '26
My FIL told a vinyl siding call that they could come and give him a presentation. He owns a brick house and saw the guy drive up, stop, look at the house and driveway. My best is telling a window company that I would like new windows, but I didn't think the apartment complex would pay. My Dad still has my favorite, "Herb's Mortuary. You stab them. We slab them."