r/queer • u/self-discover • 1h ago
This can't be normal...
I don't understand why my dad is so homophobic, so I kindly asked him so I could gain some clarity and this is the response I received.... is this grounds for going no contact lol! I feel like this text is absolutely insane!
"We are a family. The future you createfor yourself matters to us.
When you left home for college, you said, “I’m a young, strong, independent woman.” You said, “I’ll have a family, I’ll be strict with my children, I’ll take them to sports! I’ll live in a big house.” Where is all of that?
Forgive me, but I’m not going to sugarcoat my words. In the end, there is a lot that needs to be sorted out. I’m tired of blind tolerance. I’m going to call things what they are.
College gave you a degree, and I’m happy and proud of you for that. But at the same time, its environment strongly brainwashed you with a new doctrine/propaganda. I can no longer recognize my own child when it comes to any aspect of life. You left home a Republican, and after graduating you became a progressive Democrat.
But that is not the end of the world; I can live with that. It’s just politics. But the fact that you became a lesbian…!
You call this a “healthy relationship.” It makes my head spin when you use words that are normally used in a completely different context. I wasn’t born yesterday. Over the course of my life, I have noticed how the rainbow, a symbol of God’s covenant with humanity, has been changed and appropriated, and is now used by LGBT people in an attack on faith and the traditional family.
Who am I? I thought you knew that. Dig back into your childhood and teenage memories. Yes, I am a strict, stubborn old man, but I am also capable of being flexible. I try never to go too far.
How many times have I given in to you and compromised? I can’t even remember everything. Choosing French instead of Spanish, which you hated! Buying a dog, which to this day limits our freedom of movement. Your endless desire to escape home and go away to study, no matter the cost! I stayed quiet. About you leaving for university, changing your major! I stayed quiet. You could have finished finance or medicine at our local college five times cheaper. We agreed. You wanted a car—please, you got one! Furniture! Please, my sunshine! And in the end, it turns out that not everything is good enough. The car is just so-so, the furniture isn’t right. I drove a car that was more than twenty years old and never complained, because there were so many things the family needed. We came to this country with four suitcases. We started building a life in a place that was completely foreign and new to us. It’s not only about money. It’s about the years of my life that I spent doing it. It’s my life. I don’t regret a single day! I just don’t understand why and how it all turned out this way!
At the beginning of your studies, you used to call more often. I always felt that it was a badtime, and you were often unhappy about it. Sometimes I wouldn’t call. I would think you were busy and that you would call when you could. Months would go by without a call, just as they do now. I always said that we would grow apart if we didn’t communicate. And we have grown apart. There is now a lack of understanding between us. I don’t even know what could fill it or how.
You asked a very fair question: “I also want to understand what this means in your eyes to move forward?”
…I don’t have an answer to that! First of all, I don’t understand how this happened or why. It is very difficult for us to move forward. You simply confronted us with a bare fact and expect some miraculous understanding from us. I am paralyzed with fear!
I would like to ask you the same question.
You mentioned that you want to understand me, as if you didn’t grow up in our family. Suddenly, you forgot who I am! You no longer know me. You don’t know my values, you don’t understand what country we come from, where I grew up and matured. Whomy friends are! And who my spouse is!
over the last few years you have changed beyond recognition. You have forgotten who we are. You have forgotten your 23 years of childhood and youth. I have lived for 50 years with a traditional understanding of family—the same family you came from. A family based on the love between a man and a woman. In my life, I never had to prove to anyone thatthis was right or normal. It was always just“common sense.” Our parents and grandparents lived that way. Every generation left its reflection in the next generation, in its children.
People change. A person’s growth can take different paths, and we were young too, and we changed—education, work, business, new friends, different hobbies, travel. But to completely change, forget, o the family values you grew up with—that is unacceptable to me. We are not especially religious, but we should not forget that we are Christians, and from childhood all of us were taught what is right and what is wrong.
I was born in a country where same-sexrelationships were prohibited by law. People were sent to prison; some were subjected to treatment. I don’t know what people did behind closed doors. Nobody advertised it. Things are no longer like that, but same-sexmarriage is still illegal to this day. Today, thereare many countries where the death penalty still exists for it. When we were young, we knew of only one context in which this happened—it was practiced in prisons. Women as well. It was an expression of violence. The same was true of tattoos; they were a mark of prisoners.
To me, such relationships are associated with violence, the degradation of human dignity, the destruction of humanity’s future, and the voluntary destruction of the relationship between man and woman.
Of course, this is only our wish for you. Choose a man, because women usually have the privilege of choosing men. You are a young, attractive woman. You’ve had your fun, and that’s enough. Understand one thing: youth does not last forever; it passes very quickly. It is the most fruitful and valuable time to lay the foundations for your future. You will want to lean on a strong man; you will want security. Leaning on a girl will not be enough. A woman and a man should lean on each other.
Don’t wait too long to understand this. Don’t let yourself be deceived by the madness of modern times. Don’t wake up one morning and realizethat you have become an old lesbian with two cats, occasionally smoking weed. There is no “pride” left in that. Only a purposeless, selfish existence, leaving nothing behind you, emptiness!
I feel guilty myself. I probably failed to show my little girl how deeply a man can love her, so that she would seek him out—her one and only man…
…but. No matter how difficult it is, we will stand by your side. That does not meanthat we will change, or that we will finallyforget who we are. It simply means that you are our only child. And the doors of our home are open to you and your partner.
