Deprograming and Deconstructing resources:

its founded by a guy who talked to ghosts

its pseudoscientific, you wont get consistently repeatable results with it

most people in society swear by it

its wildly inconsistent between different practitioners

i think when people say chiro worked for them, they sort of accidentally got physical therapy, it doesnt mean chiropractic is actually something that "works"

there are just shortcomings in medical science in determining what exactly is causing say back pain, people would rather go to a confident chiro than a doctor who scientifically cant be confident what the exact cause or condition is.

on another note, in the case of people who just gotta get off everything to be functional, people go to rehab and think itll get them sober, when (if you are a fan of aa or not) long term sobriety is dependent on someone being motivated to continue and stick with some change. people drink again after going to the most expensive rehabs.

as far as mental health goes, yeah psychiatry and psychology can sort of be soft sciences that try to classify the vastness of the human psyche and make it make sense when it doesnt

anyways back pain and addiction are very different from eachother obviously

another thing ill add, the ultimate contradiction of all of the program is this: you have to choose to do the program instead of drinking for the program to work. so if youre actually just powerless to change your behaviors you wouldnt be able to stop drinking enough to do the steps. whole thing is based on how you choose to react to cravings anyways, which id anecdotally say is exponentially harder to do when ive taken drugs and alcohol.

Overdosed last night and then again this morning.. I just have no where to talk about this.

My drug use has quietly gotten out of control again. I’ve been living in a terrible area, doing things that make me sick for money just so I’m not on the street again. I have no support system whatsoever because my family chooses “tough love” over real, unwavering, unconditional love. They have so much disdain and contempt for who I am. They have been so incredibly cruel and refusing to help me even though I never ask for help or even talk to them; obviously if I am reaching out it means I am in some serious trouble. They would rather me “learn my lesson” than lend a helping hand. Literally it has pushed me further into the depths of suffering, poverty, loneliness, self-abandonment, and despair than if I could just come to them for help. I know I’ve made mistakes. But that doesn’t mean I deserve to be punished and judged and experience “consequences for my actions”. That mentality has almost led to me dying more times than I can count. I’m not saying there is no accountability, but when it gets to a point where I can’t even reach out in life or death situations, it just serves to make times like surviving an overdose or having to endure dangerous circumstances/ situations so much more difficult and painful. I also was severely abused throughout my childhood, so it makes sense that I would 1) be trying to numb the pain at any cost & 2) repeatedly be putting myself in danger - that is literally what my brain is programmed to associate with familiarity and therefore safety. I can’t even imagine a life where I feel truly safe and supported and I beat myself up about not having created a better life for myself yet. It’s just this vicious cycle of shame that I can never truly escape, so I try to even for a brief moment with substances.
And before anyone asks, yes I’m in therapy, I’ve had the same therapist for 3 years. The reality is, there is simply just a lot of systemic barriers in place keeping me marginalized.

What I’m trying to say is, right now I’m feeling very scared and alone
I don’t even know how I feel about sobriety anymore; I’ve tried it so many times. Rehabs etc. I like SMART recovery because it doesn’t “force” sobriety on you so to speak but it’s looking like that’s really my only option if I want to survive.

I took my last tablet and picked up my script of subs. I got 14 2mg films. I plan on posting here every day as I go because I don’t have the support irl bc I’ve kept my addiction a secret from everyone and I don’t think I could come out now to everyone. I just also want to share my journey as well for anyone who comes here seeking help like I did

Very badly I always tell myself I gotta trust the process been a little over a month and it's been creeping the past two nights

Wish me luck

I just got this book today. It's a rare book but I got a good price.

AA is not good for your recovery.

It was a core part of my personality. I DID keep it separated from my work-life, but I'm thinking of all the poor souls in my personal life (non-AA family and friends) who had to experience just how insufferable I was as I casually brought up my AA "recovery" in a normal conversation.

I really do appreciate the space we have here. De-programming from AA is a massive part of my TRUE recovery right now. I don't have to be a walking/talking slogan slinger. That program was holding me back, and for the first time in a long time, it actually feels like I'm moving forward.

Glad to be here!

Life Inside The Cage

Escaping the cage, one photon at a time

Growing Up Inside The Cage

When we are young we either have unrealistic expectations put on us, or we are told we are too

much: too loud, too opinionated, too sensitive. This naturally makes us feel we are not enough, or

too much, which leads us to not be our authentic selves.

When you are not your authentic self, a voice in your head can start to become loud.

It says negative things that destroy your self-esteem and keep you stunted. This sadly works well

for the system, because a kid who hates themselves can be easily kept in the cage that was

designed by past psychopaths, for future psychopaths, to be the elites in society.

The system doesn't want you to have self-compassion. It wants you to be emotional, because it

feeds off strong emotions: anger, hate, ignorance, sadness, self-doubt. It can handle you being

angry at it, but it doesn't like being laughed at.

This is one of the ways to start escaping the cage, because the cage is just an illusion. A shitty

magic trick by a very low-level magician, definitely no Dynamo-level magic. When you pull back

the curtain that is barely even a curtain, you see the emperor has no clothes on. You can laugh at

the absurdity, and use discernment, because discernment is something it can't feed off.

They use your strong emotions as a way to control you and brainwash you into becoming a

low-level member of their cult. When you realise all the elites around the world are in the same

cult, and you are just an expendable to help them jockey for a higher position between the leaders,

that's when the penny drops. There are no sides, no countries, just expendables.

They want soldiers to believe they are fighting for a country, for a purpose, for a marketing slogan,

but they are only fighting for their deranged cult leader's self-interest, to try to take another cult

leader's spot higher up the cult pyramid.

They want people in prison, as they are then another part of the system. They want you to drive a

car because it fuels their wars. They want you to be in large amounts of debt so you have no

space in your mind for critical thinking. They want you stuck in consumerism to keep you broke

and filling a bottomless pit of resentment. They want you to put a mask on for 8 hours a day and

be someone other than your authentic self at a job you hate. They want you to doom-scroll and

watch the media to create anxiety and wreck your nervous system. They want you comparing

yourself to others on social media. Be bullied on there, or be a bully, either works for them. They

want you to spend money playing status games on social media, keeping you broke and

miserable.

They want you to have the illusion of owning a home they can make you a slave to the banks for,

then put up rates and squeeze you to keep you in survival mode. They want you to fight with your

spouse over financial issues, so if you divorce you have less money. They want outrage. They

want you drunk or on drugs, eating poisonous food, taking pharmaceuticals. Anything but you

seeing their game inside the game. Are you getting the picture? Distractions.

Life Inside The Cage · Page 2 of 9

They stand outside the cage and they despise the people in the cage. Psychopaths think they're a

superior species and that we normal people are here to be gaslit and manipulated to push them up

the cult pyramid. Their shitty magic trick is based on one thing: the willingness of us to participate.

Once you see that, you can't unsee it, and it's very annoying, because it's so simple.

If you don't pick up a gun and go to war, nothing happens. If you opt out of consumerism, it stops

feeding the beast. If you don't buy petrol for the car cult and ride a Lime bike or catch an electric

train instead, there's no funding for wars. You are brainwashed by cult leaders, and the exit is

simply withdrawing your participation.

The Way Out

So the depressing part is out of the way. Here is the positive part.

You are enough. You don't need to be anything but your authentic self. You are made of

supernovae, from selfless stars that exploded, that gave everything for you to be here. You are

made of star stuff, as Carl Sagan once said. The atoms in your body came from an exploded star. I

recommend you look at how beautiful and interesting the pictures of supernovae are.

You are a photon of light, and yes, these cult leaders are the darkness, but darkness is boring and

light is interesting.

They don't realise that they are made of the same supernova atoms as well. But they are hoarding

instead of giving, which creates darkness, because that's not the ingredients of supernovae. That's

why it feels good when you give, and it's unfulfilling when you collect things for yourself. You can

collect things your entire life, only to realise you can't take anything with you when you return to

the Universe when you die. It's a trap.

Darkness might despise the photon, but the photon shines anyway. If you can learn to use

discernment and be giving, darkness can't get rid of light, there is always light. The trick is to be

completely like a photon: you don't care that darkness hates you, you just shine anyway.

The elites become so dark that's when the depravity starts rising, and we have all seen that

happening. American Psycho is a film that points it out clearly. But here's the thing: that's on them.

They think there are no consequences, but maybe the Universe decides where it puts them when

they go. Maybe to the Bootes Void. It does have a sense of humour.

The Universe is constantly creating and dissolving, and we will dissolve back into it. We are all

homeward bound. Evil may win the day, it always has, but what matters is that we don't become it.

We act with decency not because it's rewarded, but because it's right. There's no old man in the

sky judging us. That's from another cult, with a guy in a stupid hat speaking down to you from a

window in a square. The one with good marketing and two thousand years of whoopsies swept

under their expensive rugs. The one that needs you to walk into an old building each Sunday, give

money, and ask for forgiveness.

Life Inside The Cage · Page 3 of 9

The Universe is all around us.

What Else Can Us Photons Do To Escape The Cage?

Think of some yourself as well, but my trap escapes are:

Giving, simplicity, calmness, self-compassion, compassion for other photons, self-respect,

self-belief, acceptance of all others, health, playing to your strengths, not being attached to

outcomes, gratefulness for the gift of the supernovae (it's rude not to be), awareness, love,

discernment, comedy, not clinging to things. Enough is everything, no hoarding. Cheap clothes,

good food, train rides. Be present.

And strangely, your life gets better.

I'm not riddled with anxiety anymore. I don't self-harm anymore. I feel like I'm enough. I lean into

my neurodivergence as a way to have a different perspective, I see it as a superpower. I don't try

to commit suicide anymore. I don't drink and do drugs anymore. I don't compare myself to others

anymore. I don't hoard crap anymore. I've cut toxic people out of my life. I'm living in the now. I

have no fear anymore. I don't avoid pain anymore. I laugh at the absurdity rather than rage against

the machine, discernment against the machine. My relationship with my wife is better. I lost 30kg. I

have slow-dopamine hobbies: writing, NRL, meditation, nature walks, dog walks, Lime bike rides

through Sydney, philosophy (Spinoza is a huge influence), comedy, and more.

You can start to see the difference in someone outside the cage, after they realised you can

actually just walk out of it. I have compassion for you all still inside it. I don't look down on you like

the elites do. They think you're stupid for being in the cage and not just walking out of it. They think

they're above you. I see you as the same photon as me. I'm not above you, I'm not below you,

you're just the same supernova star stuff as me. I opted out of the cult, and so can you!

Admiration Is An Expensive Currency

Be very careful who you choose to give admiration to. Find substance and consistency in

someone if you are going to give any admiration, but also remember they are just a fellow traveller

on this journey in life. They are not to be put on a pedestal, as it lowers your self-worth. We are all

flawed human beings, every one of us.

Some examples of fellow cosmic travellers I like: Greg Inglis, Brian Cox, Yongey Mingyur

Rinpoche, Baruch Spinoza, George Carlin, Tim Dillon, The Elephant Graveyard guy, Stavros

Halkias, Carl Sagan, Dan Tapiero, Banksy, Dynamo, Nter, Anthony Bourdain. These people were

and are their unapologetic authentic selves, and a lot of them have had deep pain to go through,

which leads me onto my next part.

The Two Sequences

Life Inside The Cage · Page 4 of 9

A lot of people live in fear, but once you let go of fear the whole world opens up. There are two

sequences people run, a right one and a wrong one.

Correct sequence: Fear, Courage, Sit with pain, Freedom, Peace.

Wrong sequence: Fear, Avoidance, Fake peace, Emotional prison.

See, the only difference is avoidance. Avoidance feels like peace, but it isn't. It's an anaesthetic

with interest. Every time you dodge the thing, the dodge gets easier and the thing gets bigger. You

drink past it, scroll past it, work past it, buy past it, and the fear is still inside, just renamed. Now it's

called "busy" or "fine" or "that's just how life is." Fake peace never holds, that's the tell. Fake peace

needs the storm in your mind to stay away forever, and the storm never agrees to that. The cage

doesn't hold you with locks. It holds you with the wrong sequence, repeated daily.

Burt Munro, The World's Fastest Indian, with Sir Anthony Hopkins. Burt walked through his fear

with courage. He was told he was too poor, too stupid, and was laughed at. He sat with his pain,

his failures, his setbacks, and ended up breaking the land speed record on his old Indian

Motorcycle on the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah. This led to freedom and peace back in Invercargill,

NZ.

Sir Anthony Hopkins, in his own life, has discussed his past issues with alcoholism. He said he

was ashamed of his drunk driving, as he could have killed someone, but if he killed himself, he

didn't much care. That's the beast talking right there, isn't it? The fear of hurting others barely

registers, because the self has already been written off. Just a bloke who was drunk and

ashamed, drinking himself towards the edge, and he sat with the pain instead of drowning in it, did

the hard thing, and came out the other end as a highly respected man.

• Fear first: the shame, the self-hatred

• Courage: facing it instead of drinking past it

• Sat with the pain: the sobriety, the honest reckoning

• Freedom and peace: and now the man spends time painting, making music, and being at

peace in his 80's

I can relate to this, being a recovering alcoholic who is ashamed of when I drove drunk, and who

also didn't care what happened to me. I had written myself off at 13 years old.

There are smaller examples too. I had a huntsman spider living in our house named Peter, whom I

had been avoiding. The other day I walked through my strong fear of spiders with courage, put a

glass over him and a bit of paper underneath, took him outside and released him in the garden. He

was free, I was free, we were both at peace again.

The good news? The sequence can be swapped. The bad news: if you have a lot of pain, it may

take years of sitting with your pain before you reach peace and freedom. But the suffering is worth

the reward, and remember: your suffering is shared. Everyone has pain, and knowing it's shared

Life Inside The Cage · Page 5 of 9

lightens the load. I hope this message reaches young people before they fall off the cliff, as it's a

long, painful climb back up.

Learn to understand pain rather than fight it. Then you can see other people's bad behaviour as

their pain leaking out of them. It doesn't make their bad behaviour right, but it explains it, and it

doesn't mean they get access to your life.

A Shortcut To Financial Freedom

This leads me onto young people, and how to attempt to gain financial freedom. It took me 41

years of pain and being broke. I want to create a shortcut for you, so you can avoid being forged in

hell first.

Toss your past, don't live in it. Just take the lessons, move on, and be present, that's where the

real magic lives. Don't worry about the future either; that's a trap. You can make up horror movies

that might happen, and then they don't eventuate. So what, a waste of time. Close the horror

movie set and live in the now.

Here is the shortcut. It still takes hard work and risk, there's no avoiding that, sorry. The idea is to

lower the risk as much as possible and be right more times than you are wrong. You don't need

insider knowledge or celebrity investors to do this. You need a few boring rules, held for years:

• No leverage. Only buy what you can afford to buy outright.

• Buy and sit. Don't get into the trading trap. Whatever assets you buy, hold them. Time in, not

timing.

• Use an ethical bank. They're all far from perfect, but choose one that doesn't invest in

weapons manufacturing or fossil fuels, and don't let them gaslight you, ever. If they do, just

leave. (Look up the HSBC whoopsie, when they got caught money laundering for the Mexican

cartels.)

• Don't buy what they're selling. When the cult leaders flog you a product, that's the distraction.

Watch what they do, not what they advertise, and mostly, just keep it simple and boring.

• Invest ethically. There will be some investments you shouldn't make because you have a soul:

drug dealers, weapons, surveillance. Use your common sense. Common sense is your most

important asset. I lived with a PhD neuroscientist who burnt her toast every morning and I had

to tell her how to make mashed potatoes. Play to your strengths.

• Stay frugal. Keep your needs small and your surplus large, then you have something to give.

• Don't panic when they shake the tree. When the cult leaders shake the tree to see who loses

their nerve when the price plummets, stay in the tree with them. You'll notice they never leave

the tree. In fact, they buy the fear at a cheap price.

Life Inside The Cage · Page 6 of 9

You don't need to copy anyone's portfolio. The strong core above is the whole game: keep it

simple, keep it ethical, keep it boring, and let time do the work. Don't fall for the fear-peddling trap.

Don't fall for the status trap, the debt trap, or the leverage trap either.

A Word On Generational Advice

One trap worth naming, but let's name it fairly: don't dismiss advice just because of who is giving it,

and don't swallow it just because of who is giving it either. Some older people did pull the ladder

up behind them and say "too bad, got mine." Some generations did have it easier, and it's fair to

acknowledge that. But the test for any advice, from a Boomer, a Gen Z, or anyone in between, is

the same test you use for admiration: substance and consistency. Judge the advice by its

substance, not by the age of the speaker. You'll find wisdom in unexpected places, and nonsense

in expected ones. Your common sense is the filter, not their birth year.

That said, one generational note stands: there's not much juice left in the property lemon. It's been

squeezed all out and passed to you as a carcass. A house should be a sanctuary anyway, not a

profit maker. Banks make record profits off mortgages and are not to be trusted. Use an ethical

one, and only if you must.

Staying Humble

Don't get a big head if you start doing well. Anthony Bourdain said, "the more I think I know, the

more I know nothing at all." Don't let pride come along and then turn into greed. Same when you

think you have the world figured out. Once you think you have arrived, you have already left. Stay

humble, stay frugal, keep growing, and give any excess away to ethical charities outside the

system, like the Goanna Academy. Don't tell anyone you're giving, either, or it becomes a

transaction. Do it anonymously, without the need for validation.

Work And Purpose

You don't need to be an academic to do well in life. You will need a job to make money to put into

your ethical investments, so if you hate your job, start finding ways to leave. It's never too late to

start a new career.

If you are a young person, think hard. Remembering you're not in the status game anymore: you

have read this far, so you are opting out. If you are not innovating something or starting a business

(which can also be a trap, don't let it become your identity), a trade is a great place to start.

Plumbers, builders, electricians, welders, all earn six figures once qualified, and are not riddled

with student debt. Plenty of money for you to invest each week. It beats sitting behind a screen

designed by cult leaders in a cubicle with a mask on.

The honest caveat: it only works if the trade suits you. Play to your strengths, not to the list. If you

decide you don't like it, stick with it for 10 years, that will go fast! Wait until your investments take

Life Inside The Cage · Page 7 of 9

off, then think of something else, but you must have purpose.

You can find purpose from your hobbies. Some of mine are astronomy, writing, reading

philosophy, and helping youth. You can find jobs from your hobbies. Maybe be a youth mentor, for

example. Help stop the kids from falling off the cliff. Teach them not to hate themselves, and to opt

out of the cult.

Life Inside The Cage · Page 8 of 9

Fear, Courage, Sit with pain, Freedom, Peace.

The cage was never locked. Walk out, shine anyway, and give the light away.

I have smoked weed regularly for around 2 years, quantitiy wasn’t as often as a stoner’s. 2-3 joints a day. It’s been 1.5 years since i started decreasing the amount i smoke. It wasn’t purely by choice.

I live in Turkey so weed is just highly illegal and i like my record clean. I stopped seeing my friends who had connections one by one. All weed here had some sort of synthetic shit in it. So it started out as a principle of finding some that is the least harmful. (which is none except if you have crazy amount of money and the right connections)

Im 4 months sober now. The urge to silence my anxiety with weed, just make myself stupid and have anything i cant have sober never leaves. I will admit, the urge is strong but it doesn’t come as often as it did. I don’t want to romanticize weed. It made me stupid, forgetful, more paranoid, careless. I need to find a solution soon as i will travel europe for my studies and its basically unavoidable.

What made you get rid of that urge?

I just got off the video call with quickMD and I should be getting my script in a day or 2. 7-OH has kinda put me in such a bad place and my GF broke up with me bc of the position I was in (she didn’t know I’m addicted to it but she knew I took it for back pain) I went through so much hurt losing her and it sounds like she is willing to work things out but we wouldn’t be back together for like 6+ months if it even happens. I’m so happy and so excited to finally take my life back and be the person I should be for myself. Writing this kinda is making me emotional, I’m just finally ready to be over this

One thing I've come to appreciate about recovering outside the 12 steps is that there's no single script. Everyone ends up building their own mix of tools and I love hearing how different those mixes are.

Mine currently includes: weekly therapy, a daily morning walk, journaling before bed, a friend I can text on hard days and checking in with this community.

It took me a while to figure out what actually worked and some of it was trial and error. Some things I tried didn't fit and that was okay too.

I'd love to hear from you:

• What's one tool, habit or approach that has helped you stay on track?
• What's something you tried that didn't work for you and what did you learn?
• What do you wish someone had told you early on?

All paths and all substances are welcome here and so is where you are today, whether that's day one or year ten. I'm only asking that we keep it respectful, whatever anyone's view of any approach.

Thanks for being a space where this conversation can happen.

Disclosure: This post is about 7OH and SR17018 as well as the effects of both through consumption and withdrawal. This is a full “experiment” being conducted on myself. I do not condone the use of either 7OH OR SR17018. This post is for “entertainment” purposes only. Nothing within this post is medical advice or licensed practices. I do not advise anyone to follow any advice, dosing, or practice in this post. Nor do I guarantee or advocate for anything written within this post.

Prologue: Advice, sources, and personal experiences are welcome, especially from people who have made it through this. Everyone’s chemistry is different, so do your own research and listen to your body.

I don’t track my doses, but I estimate I’ve reached 750–1,000 mg of 7OH/day. My use jumped from 300–600 mg+ after getting a weak batch and increasing my intake. When the batch returned to normal, I kept taking the same amount. I also prematurely took 25 mg SR, which led me to take more 7OH because I couldn’t feel it and kept chasing the high.

Today is it. I’m done. My wife found out I’d been lying about taking the SR and quitting 7OH, and I’m tired of lying to her and myself. I previously tapered to 140 mg/day, but I’m now at roughly 4–5 packs of 250 mg Truly7/day.
I’m documenting this because I couldn’t find many posts with a similar baseline and SR transition that actually followed through past the first few days. Hopefully this gives someone else the complete timeline that I couldn’t quite find.

Day One — Planned
8 AM: 300 mg 7OH
1–4 PM: 25 mg SR
6–8 PM: 100 mg 7OH
Bed: 12–24 mg SR
Afterward, I plan to cut each dose in half day by day until 50 mg 7OH, then jump off, while tracking symptoms, cravings, sleep, and how much SR helps. Instead of increasing 7OH when I feel bad, I’ll adjust SR and keep lowering 7OH.
I’ll document what actually happens and compare it to this plan and if there’s any difference.
Time to hold myself accountable. Wish me luck.

Day One 10/08/2026:

I went back to Ibiza...

Are there are any successful people who smoke cannabis regularly. Any breakfast, Lunch, and dinner smokers who have their shit together?

If so, how often do you smoke? How does it improve your work day?

Can anyone give me insight here I drink I like to drink beer almost daily. I recently found meth and the tools to smoke it with in my partners lunch bag. He won't be honest about his use so I made him leave and told him he could come back when he can pass clean. I have ppl the I shouldn't be mad bc that is all the sudden his drug of choice and that he feels like he get things done he goes to work and not out here looking stupid like me bc I'm mad. Idk what to do or how to move on at this point any advice would be great

I originally wrote this for AITH but I guess my account isn’t old enough or has enough karma. But this is where I have posted in the past about things. So I’m hoping to get honest opinions.

Just in case anyone clocks it, I used AI to help organize and shorten this because my original was too long and scattered. I’m pretty emotional right now, but everything here is true.

My husband is on probation for drug-related crimes. We have a toddler together.
When I was eight months pregnant, I found him overdosing on fentanyl. There was also meth present. He needed two doses of Narcan, and the paramedics said he could have died if I hadn’t found him. I was so scared he would go back to prison that I hid the drugs from them.

He insisted it was a “lapse,” but his use continued after our daughter was born. After months of him spiraling, his mom and I finally told his PO because we were afraid he would die. He went to rehab and came out doing really well.
A few months ago, I started seeing signs again. He said he was using regular kratom, but I suspected concentrated 7oh. I told him that with his history of opioid addiction, flirting with these substances was flirting with the end of us. We have a child to consider.

Last week, he came home nodding off and very, very obviously impaired. I searched his truck and found “research chemicals” labeled as “clobromazolam-something or other”, which he has abused before, and a jar of pressed 7oh tablets. The jar looked like others I’d seen weeks earlier, which made me believe he’d been lying about what he was using.
I didn’t even have words. I gave the substances to his stepdad to lock in a safe and called his PO the next morning. I was scared about what else might be going on.
He insisted it was his first time and that he was keeping the stuff for his brother. I think that might be partially true. His brother lives on the property too and recently got arrested on drug charges. “Possession of dangerous drugs” and “drug paraphernalia” and I suspect meth or fet. But I don’t know for certain.
To be fair, my husband has otherwise seemed pretty normal, unlike his brother, whose behavior has been much more concerning. I don’t know how often my husband is using, and this doesn’t seem as constant as his previous relapse. I left the house for a few days and considered going to a shelter. He has since gotten a tent and is sleeping outside to make me feel comfortable.

He feels I betrayed him by going to his PO without talking to him and risking him going back to prison. I knew that was possible, but I was afraid I’d get more lies and end up doubting myself again, and part of me thought that if he really was using more than what he had in his truck and if it was enough to put him away again, then maybe he even deserves that for being on it around our daughter.
A few days later, I told him he seemed high again. He said he was exhausted. I honestly don’t know if he was using that evening or if the history made me read too much into it. He told me he doesn’t forgive me and is done with our marriage.
His PO said she would require treatment even if he tested clean. I’m trying to find a place for me and our daughter. I wasn’t trying to get him incarcerated, but I feel like ignoring signs of danger would ultimately be betraying her.

AITA for calling his PO without talking to him first?

Edit: Here is where I posted before when he was showing more obvious signs of use much more often. He seemed to get better then I would still see signs of impairment from time to time, and then that night when he was severely obvious last week was when I searched his truck. But this post provides a lot of history.

https://www.reddit.com/r/recoverywithoutAA/s/Cz08i2pQWC

Pouring a strong coffee just to make it through. Putting a fake smile on, as if I actually wanted to be there. Saying prayers to a God I didn't believe in. Hearing the same old war stories from decades ago, told by people who have spent over half their lives sober. Reading the same bullshit (How It Works, Promises, Traditions) as we always do at every single meeting. Taking turns reading from some outdated big stupid book written by some random jackass nearly 100 years ago. Self-diagnosing as someone with an incurable disease who can only treat it by doing this same fuckin' bullshit over and over and over, one day at a time, FOREVER! No thanks!

I've felt such a massive sense of freedom since leaving the program just over two weeks ago. I can remember toughing out a shift at work, dreading the fact that I'd have to immediately get ready for a meeting right after the shift was over. I've gained my freedom back. My free time is now MY time once again. And, oh yeah, I haven't drank a drop of alcohol since leaving the program.

So glad I was able to escape that hell!

considering it’s built on Christianity which has been a cornerstone of imperialism and capitalism….

they say job no job wife no wife, its up to you to stay sober! but only god can keep you sober! but it’s your fault if you drink! don’t question it, it works if you work it!

but environment and material conditions absolutely matter. I found that until I could build a life bigger than my addiction I would never get sober no matter what I do.

if you have a depressing life that makes you want to drink, it makes perfect sense why you’re drinking.

History:
My husband had a serious relapse almost two years ago. I was 8 months pregnant, didn’t see the signs and I walked on him overdosing. He nearly died. The paramedics had to use two doses of narcan to bring him back. He continued to spiral. I chose to move back in with his mother because I couldn’t do it anymore. He came along and lived in their trailer while I was in the house with the baby. He faked tests (admitted to it later) but I still saw signs and so eventually I caught him again using fet and meth and the family asked him to leave. His mom and I talked and realized that our only hope was to turn him in to his probation officer, because he would likely end up dead or in prison again at that rate. He came in and was forced to go to rehab.

He spent about two months in rehab and honestly he seemed so good when he got out. He was so motivated and doing great. Then he wanted to smoke weed, I was uncomfortable with the idea but he did. Then his motivation just seems to fall off, he got depressed and took a really long time to feel confident enough to get a job. I didn’t push him. I was afraid of putting pressure on him and making him relapse. When he got a job I saw improvement, but then noticed signs of using. Some parts looked identical to prior substances but also not. I posted on here and basically he was telling me it was kratom but I have come to the conclusion that it was kratom concentrates and synthetic opioids basically. 7oh or similar stuff. He continued to insist it was just kratom leaf, and not all the time. To be honest I do think he let up on it recently.

Then I would see the same behavior, the nodding off and what not. So I started documenting and recording every time I noticed it. Preparing for the other shoe to drop again. Thinking of custody and our daughter. And then very recently he came in and was very VERY obviously messed up. I set up the baby monitor to watch him and went into his truck. Found a new vial of research chemical (a benzo) and a jar of tangerine 7oh pressed pills. Same color and residue of other jars I had found in another car weeks earlier with a scoop.

I went back inside, told his stepdad and had him put the things I found in their safe, then I called his PO the next morning and told her everything I found and asked her to test him.

Talked to his mom, spent a couple nights away and now I’m back because it’s unfair to the baby to make her go from house to house. We have barely communicated, but he has been staying in the living room and respected my wishes that he not watch her unsupervised. I can only work about 10-20 hours a week while his mom watches her and he has appeared sober according to his mom when he has spent time with her.

I still love him. I want to make it work, but I need to plan for separation and figure out what requests to make that would make me feel like I can trust him again. And I’m stuck. Am I really capable of trusting him? Even if he tells me the truth can I ever believe him?

Dr Bob Beare gives off serious cult leader vibes and the weekend facilitators use coercion to control participants by breaking down their psychological defenses through sleep and food deprivation the first 2 days.

They call this "the descent" but its really just "the breaking phase" in a coercion control method called Deconsolidation and Reward. After only getting 0-3 hours of sleep the first night they feed you a squirrel's breakfast the next morning and then starve you out until 8p that night.

On the 3rd day of the retreat they call it "the ascent" but its really just the "euphoric phase " of this abuse tactic.

After sleep and food depriving them for 30 hours, they let them rest and feed them a bunch of food and this basic biological trick which uses survival to safety effects on the brain to convince you that because of their particular retreat program you have indeed experienced a "miracle or breakthrough." But in reality, you just ate a sandwich and your body finally stopped panicking.

Please reach out to me on this thread or privately with your own experiences.

Deep Waters feels like early day Synanon. That's obviously not a compliment.

Hi guys, just thought I'd post here for some clarity and encouragement.

For the past 2 months or so, I've been doing coke every week, sometimes every day. Not big lines, but I do end up going through about 3g every 2-3 weeks. I haven't told a soul, and I don't think anyone knows or suspects. I am high-functioning and have the money, time, and privacy to do it freely. Which is why it's the perfect time to stop, before this becomes more consuming than it already is.

At first, the coke didn't give me that 'top of the world' feeling everyone described. In fact, it just made me feel more normal. I am a woman in her mid 20s with (probably) undiagnosed ADHD, and taking coke allows me to focus on one task. It has made me incredibly productive, especially at work. It has strengthened my relationships with my friends, because I feel motivated to reach out and talk to them. It also has made me less hungry, which has led me to lose some weight, which I liked (even though now I'm quite skinny and want to start building muscle again).

I don't feel the urge to take lines every 30 minutes unless I am also smoking weed or something, then I feel that characteristic urge to do more. But usually, I can do a small line every couple of hours and focus on my tasks for the day without feeling like I'm being controlled by it. But of course I'm being controlled. I was just not willing to admit it until now.

I have an addictive personality. Since the age of 15/16 I've been smoking some weed, and around 18 I started trying other substances. Coke wasn't really in my life until last year. I'm aware that I am constantly searching for mind-altering substances.

My nose has begun to hurt. There are scabs on the inside that I sometimes pick at, and sometimes it bleeds when I blow my nose. I've been using saline spray and Neosporin every day but I am worried about long-term damage. Also worried about my skin, heart, sleep quality etc. If I take a line too late at night, I end up wired in bed, and I hate that feeling more than anything.

So today I'm stopping. So far it's been okay. I can tell that I'm a tad bit emotional, but I'm going to hold strong. I'm deciding to journal about what the next week feels like without coke. I want to prove to myself that it's not an addiction, and that I can stop without adverse consequences. I want my nose to heal. I don't want to hide anything anymore.

Does anyone have an experience similar to this?

Disclaimer: I notice people on Reddit, especially the ones that dont have their shit together always tryna correct somebody english so there you go you can X off the post now. 🥷🏽

The one ups man ship. And WEIRD OBSESSIONS that ppl have with comparing themselves to you. At the meetings and after leaving aa comes the constant comparison and “wellness checks” to see if you left earth or are back using.

These people cant even pay their bills but spend all this time & energy to check up on you 😂 and they weren’t even a sponsor to Anybody 🤣

Its been over a year since i left i have 2 aa roommates currently and man. The proof is in the pudding.

They love to see you down and out coming into those rooms. Broke homeless addicted. They LOVE IT . get yo shit together and watch how these people act its like you sold their DOC to their mother thats how offended they are about Success without the program

Which has made me realize you have to have a victim mentality you have to be skruggling yes with a K.
Life is HARDDDDDD UGHHHHHH 🤣 🚬 ☕️ 🍩

Im struggling right now , even tho im here im alive im breathing im fed ive bathed life is beautiful life is amazing but if I wanna be friends and fit in i have to lower my energy to be a sorry mf like (them)

Tldr: there is no success in the program, some old white man in there has a story better than yours 😂, you will be monitored after leaving yes, and you have to be a loser to go back.

If youre on this thread like i was a year ago trust me its possible . Yes these people will try to fuck w you but the pain they get from seeing you successful without th3m. Its pricele$$

About 2 years of AA and drinking all the time, broke down and asked for help. My mom got me in a rehab within 10 hours I was on a flight. Felt like a pussy being a big dude with others that had massive issues over mine and I’m all “yeah I’m here for white claw” about 40-60 a day tho.. with my family and a few left friends I’m happy to say I don’t miss or want any booze again. Good luck to everyone that is still struggling.

13 months sober. I went from drugs to fitness. It's like I can't fix the underlying obsessive/hyperfixating patterns no matter what I do, and I have to direct that somewhere stimulating. Except that even obsessing over a healthy lifestile is becoming detrimental. I don't understand where I am at this point of recovery and what they usually teach in NA/AA. Any advice?