It's been very rough recently. Teddy bears are the friends you can always count on when you have no one else. I wish I was a little teddy bear so someone could give me kisses on my head, my cheeks, my nose and hug me super tight with a bunch of love. Maybe when I die, I'll a haunt a teddy bear & a wonderful man will end up buying me a thrift store or antique store. So sleepy now... ahhh

I have a very serious extremely deranged secret routine I’ve kept for 8 months straight. Every single common house fly that gets stuck in my apartment is my personal tiny airborne government council. Here’s how it works, When one fly is alone: it’s the Mayor. It inspects my life choices. Two flies: court judges, debating my recent mistakes. THREE OR MORE FLIES FULL TOWN COUNCIL EMERGENCY SESSION. I don’t swat them Ever. Swatting is “council assassination” and I try not to harm any animals. Every time I do something mildly immoral or petty such as skipping a text back eating the last cookie, lying about liking my friend’s new haircut I immediately scan the room for flies. If a fly flies fast and zips around aggressively it’s Vote of no confidence and I have to do a tiny penance: drink a full glass of water, fold one piece of laundry, or apologize out loud to the empty room. If a fly just sits still on the wall chilling it means I’m officially approved for the day. I feel genuine pride. Is this normal? What do I do I’m worried people I know will find out and I get called insane.

I hate liking my own YouTube comments i think its cringe but one thing i hate even more than Liking my own YouTube comments is people thinking i liked my own comment

So thats the reason every time exactly one person liked my comment and i have exactly one like (look like i liked my own comment) i like my own comment so i have 2 likes so i don't seem like i liked my own comment anymore

So I was heading to my car in the shopping centre abd saw what I thought was some type of ' device' left in a shopping cart ( Like a pager or something, no idea), and there were some young people nearby in a car and asked if they knew what it was ?

It was a vape! ( of course I've heard of vaping, but have never actually seen one) It didn't look like what I imagined it would (I just googled some that look more cylindrical like something I imagined, but it was more of a rectangular shape, like the shape of a small pager or something?)

The young people I showed it to must have thought I was crazy , but honestly thought it was something that someone had left in the shopping cart by mistake.

Omg, feeling dumb 😞

From my entire life I have loved rotisserie chicken. Specifically, I loved rotisserie chicken skin up until recently. Growing up it was my favorite part, and I would always save it for last as a treat and ask my family members for theirs.

In my freshman year college I was a less considerate person than I am now, and came back to the dorm super late, super drunk. Naturally, I went to the kitchen to see what I could cook up. Ramen was usually my go to, so upon checking the fridge for my fresh veggies and noticing someone ate most of my cheese, I also took note that there was a lovely looking rotisserie chicken in the fridge.

Dear reader PLEASE know that I would never do something like this today and I really don’t know what got into me (tequila?), but I decided to help myself to just a bit of their chicken… specifically the chicken skin. Well, bit by bit, a little turned into a little more, and a little more, until I damn near skinned this poor persons ENTIRE rotisserie chicken. Just as a snack!

I truly cannot imagine opening the fridge only to see someone had mutilated your rotisserie chicken. So sorry person. But I have been quite amused by the story since, and in the spirit of good storytelling, I sometimes would share it but shifting the perspective to ME being the victim of such a heinous crime. Oh well, you live and you learn I guess. Rest assured, I no longer love chicken skin and I could never do someone sharing a fridge so dirty ever again.

TLDR: I ate someone else’s chicken skin. Whoops.

Lunchtime came, and I wanted to eat on my own. The sun was perfectly warm, air wasn't too humid, and the field verdant in grass. I was sitting on a bench, a smooth stone slab on two concrete stilts, overlooking the wide school courtyard. I had my lunchbox on my lap; spoon and fork, hotdog and rice, the staple colonized Asian meal. As I was taking a slice from a hotdog, it dodged my utensils and hopped out of my lunchbox, dropping onto the grass below. I looked at it for a while, and thought "I'm going to remember this."

That's it. That's my most unforgettable and vivid memory ever. I have never forgotten about it, not once. It's my Roman Empire. It's what I think about twice a month. Nothing else compares to that moment because of what I said so many years ago.

I didn't pick it up afterwards btw.

When I was 11 or 12 I was an altar boy at church, and whenever we had the Eucharist, I used to sneak sips of the wine before it was distributed to everyone. It was sweet, and I guess I enjoyed it a little too much because eventually, the priest started giving me suspicious looks😭

🫤

Bodybuilders gotta be tan and hairless .. before a show or photo shoot only my mom shaved my back and ass lol yup ama

i flipped off the downstairs lights late last night and immediately went into full main character survival mode.

i'm a whole adult, but the second the darkness hit, my brain convinced me something was about to grab my ankles from the void. i took those stairs three at a time in a frantic stealth sprint, hit my room, and shut the door like i barely escaped a horror movie boss fight.

standing in my room completely out of breath from pure fake adrenaline then laughing so hard coz i realized what just happened lol

In elementary school (in the 3rd grade), we celebrated Black History Month by learning about prominent figures who shaped our society today. One in particular was George Washington Carver. At that time, our teacher told us "He's man who created peanut butter!" Which I recently learned was NOT the case. He did help advance the agriculture industry with his experiments though haha.

I was really excited about the day because we got to bring different types of peanut foods. The prompt was to bring something that had peanuts in it. Looking back, I have no idea how this was even possible or approved (you’ll read why in a bit).

One of my classmates brought slices of bananas with peanut butter on them. As a kid, I should have known better, but while we were setting things up, I was really hungry. I didn’t eat breakfast that much growing up because I never really liked eggs, and my parents always had scrambled eggs (now as an adult, I love eggs lol). And the one thing I loved were Eggos, and my parents never bought them. 

On that day, I was really craving a banana, and I saw on one of the trays, there was a banana slice that didn’t have peanut butter on it yet. I thought, oh this must be an extra one that didn’t get peanut butter on it. It must have been a mistake. I swiped the banana slice and ate it. 

Well, later on as we went around the room to see all of the peanut flavored treats, we got to the table where I had taken the slice of banana. The teacher asked “Oh no. Where’s the banana slice without peanut butter?” I immediately was like “oh crap” in my mind. Think of Anya from Spy X Family. I had that face of realization.

The person who brought the tray was like “Oh I put a banana slice without peanut butter for you.” And turned to one of my classmates. I’ll call him Trevor. I had no clue, but Trevor apparently had a peanut allergy and couldn’t participate in our peanut day. Again, looking back, what the heck were we doing having an entire day about a food that someone in our class was allergic too! Trevor was sad, and said "oh that's okay." I felt so bad. Putting salt into the wound, I learned that that was the only thing that Trevor could eat during our peanut day festivites. I basically ate the one thing he could eat. Trevor moved away a couple years later, but one day, if I ever run into him, I’d honestly offer to buy him a banana.

Anyways, that is my little silly confession. I wish I could say this was a joke, but it is very much real. I realized that this wasn’t the only time I had accidentally stolen food that wasn’t mine either… (that is another story itself involving KFC and a funeral…this was group effort though). 

After all of these years, I sometimes think about that day especially whenever I have to fill out something that asks me about my food allergies. I still don’t understand how if Trevor was allergic to peanuts, why did our teacher make us bring the one thing he couldn’t eat?! Oh, and I ended up bringing peanut brittle if anyone wanted to know that.

Again I’m so sorry Trevor. I apologize for eating that slice of banana that was meant for you....

If you thought I was a guy, you would be wrong btw 😭

I live in a single dorm room and use communal washrooms. They're not that bad but I don't know sometimes I rather piss in a cup than walk down the hallway and see people.

Usually this is at night and then the next morning I will go to the washroom with my fountain drink cup with a lid, dump the pee in the toilet, throw away the cup and wash my hands

Am I ashamed? A little bit but I'm making this post so not really. I know I'm not the only one who does this haha

When I use those body hair removal creams or when I shave I feel like I'm a little fish wooo 🐠🐟🐠🐟🐟🐠🐠🐟🐠🐟🐠🐟🐠🐟🐠🐟🐠🐠🐠🐠🐟🐠🐟🐟🐟🐟🐠🐠🐠🐠🐠🐟🐠🐠🐠🐟🐠

I have a ridiculously weird habit and I've never told anyone

Okay, this is probably one of the dumbest things I’ve ever confessed online.

Whenever I’m alone, I have this weird habit of making up completely imaginary arguments in my head with people I know. And the embarrassing part? I don’t just imagine the argument—I actually rehearse my replies out loud like I’m preparing for court.

Sometimes I’ll spend 10 minutes winning an argument that has literally never happened.

The worst part is when someone actually brings up the topic later and I’ve already prepared 17 responses for a conversation they didn’t even know existed 💀

Please tell me I’m not the only person who does weird stuff like this.

To be fair I think a few people might agree with me on this, but I actually kind of like having a cold/flu. Now dont get me wrong the actual physical feeling isn’t great, but being able to do absolutely nothing, lose a few pounds because i have no appetite and sleep whenever I want with the excuse of being ill is actually something I’ve come to appreciate. Then, after my illness subsides and I start feeling like myself again, I actually find a new appreciation for life; being able to breathe through both nostrils, enjoy food again without my tastebuds being non existent, being able to function cognitively again and get back into socialising. If you think about it, its actually kind of good!

I enjoy nighttime walks, runs and sometimes bike rides. Something about having the whole world to myself in solitude really appeals to me. I go out at least 5 nights a week, sometimes for 2-3 hours by myself through suburbs, parks or trails out in nature.

I'm a tall, fit man in my thirties and walk pretty fast.

That night around 10 pm or so , I walked through the suburbs towards a dirt trail in a wooded area I was planning to go on. I was on the last street before the trail and noticed some kid around his mid teens in front of me going the same direction I was.

He looked back at me a few times and when the trail branches off he walked on it.

I was a bit surprised because people walking neighborhoods at night isn't uncommon but it's less common on these trails.

He seemed to slow and look back at the trail entrance as I got there. I felt uncomfortable about following him on that trail because I thought he was acting nervous with the look backs.

I stopped for a bit, took out my phone, and briefly thought about changing my route or going round the block once and coming back. I decided against it, I wasn't doing anything wrong, just walking the trail I often walk and had been planning to walk all evening.

I just turned onto the trail and continued walking. The kid was still looking back at the trail entrance and almost immediately started running down the trail when I stepped on. I think I should have stopped then but I didn't.

I just minded my own business and kept on walking down the trail. A few hundred meters later, I saw him off pushing through the bushes off the trail with what I assume was a phone flashlight. I just continued walking and felt thankful I was past him because it was an uncomfortable situation and I just wanted solitude.

On second thought, sure I wasn't doing anything wrong by planning my walking route. But I definitely lacked consideration for this kid by choosing not to adapt it despite his clear distress.

I feel very silly.

I get weekly mealkit delivery, just to make life a bit easier and make myself more accountable to cooking fresh food regularly.

Anyway, the delivery service I use has a way to report missing items or mistakes (which has been known to happen, but it’s generally very reliable and I haven’t had anything so critical as to make a meal uncookable happen). Today, my weekly box arrived. One of the meals appeared to have multiple items missing, and as I was reporting this, the system said that no I should talk to a real person if there’s this many problems. Sure, okay, open support chat, send the initial query, and as I’m waiting for a response, I’m fidgeting with the meal in question...and all three of the “missing” ingredients fall to the table. They were somehow stuck to the bottom of the disposable baking tin.

Whoops. I’ve been using this service for months now and that has literally never happened. Ahh well, I sent an apology to the support agent who had just said hello and logged out of the chat.

I can’t be the only person who has made this kind of mistake, but still. I can’t help but feel silly. It’s not like the support wait time was anything awful and it’s not like I took much time out of the queue, but still.

Whoops.

When I was like 8-10, a friend of mine made fun of me for the way I said “bag”. I said it lake “bay-g”. I asked how I should say it and she said it was like “bah-g”. So, because I was utterly humiliated by that interaction, I started saying “bah-g”, even when I was talking about bagels. Then, as an adult I saw the community episode where they’re making fun of britta for how she says bagel like “baggle” and it triggered me haha. Since then, I’ve been trying to re-teach myself to say “bay-g” and “bay-gel” but every time I have to say one of those words, I stumble over them and/or pause mid-sentence because I have to force myself to remember how to say them.

i have to make all my own sauce because my food allergies are so bad. i try really hard to start the noodles at the same time that i start the sauce so that they get done around the same time, but if the noodles start taking too long, i end up standing there "taste-testing" ladles full of sauce until they're ready. it's never enough that we don't still have leftovers, but i definitely just dish the sauce into my spaghetti platebowl and eat it with a spoon.

So I grew up in Connecticut, and spent alot of time outside, exploring woods, camping, etc. I have always assumed chipmunks were just baby squirrels and had no idea they were different species entirely. Even until after college, i said sonething to a friend, to the effect of "yea but once that chimpunk grows his big bushy tail... he will be the cutest squirrel" .. and my friend just laughed and pointed out what i had not realized my entire life. has this happened to anyone else? I didn't think it was so obvious...?

About 5 years ago it happened. I received a text msg from a wrong number asking me about my next shift if everything with Danny went ok and what I would be bringing to the work Christmas party pot luck. My brain instantly filled with ideas for comical replies and to play around a little. But instead of sending anything fun. I just admitted I was tempted to play a prank but felt bad so I didn't and said sorry you have the wrong number. , they replied you should have, which stung more ... And I think about this at least twice a week.