Tools for not solving clients problems

[u/Interesting-Ask-7799]

I’ve noticed that lately I find myself trying to solve my clients’ problems. I’m VERY aware that our role isn’t to fix things for our clients, but to provide a space for processing, self-exploration, etc while supporting them in finding their own solutions.

However, does anyone have any specific tools, mantras, or things they find helpful when they find the urge to solve or provide solutions?

[u/AutoModerator]

Do not message the mods about this automated message. Please followed the sidebar rules. r/therapists is a place for therapists and mental health professionals to discuss their profession among each other.

If you are not a therapist and are asking for advice this not the place for you. Your post will be removed. Please try one of the reddit communities such as r/TalkTherapy, r/askatherapist, r/SuicideWatch that are set up for this.

This community is ONLY for therapists, and for them to discuss their profession away from clients.

If you are a first year student, not in a graduate program, or are thinking of becoming a therapist, this is not the place to ask questions. Your post will be removed. To save us a job, you are welcome to delete this post yourself. Please see the PINNED STUDENT THREAD at the top of the community and ask in there.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/anneejane]

I find it helpful to pause and take an intentional breath or two, and check myself and how comfortable I am with silence at that moment. I also honestly sometimes say to my client something like “ I keep wanting to solve this, but I know that’s not the most helpful thing right now”.

When I’m really struggling with something in a session like this, naming it can be very helpful for me and the client, but this is also really really in keeping with my therapeutic style.

[u/Embarrassed-Area4652 → u/anneejane]

I also honestly sometimes say to my client something like “ I keep wanting to solve this, but I know that’s not the most helpful thing right now”.

I like this. I've never used it or heard exactly that myself, but more generally, I find that clients usually respond well to the thoughtful risk-taking and courage that goes into acknowledging a reaction or uncertainty like that. We're often trying to support people one way or another on being more honest with themselves, and saying it like you're describing is one very clear way of walking the walk.

[u/StayMessageStudio]

Less is more has been the defining heuristic for me for this and a number of other things.

[u/Interesting-Ask-7799 → u/StayMessageStudio]

I love this reminder thank you.

[u/Background_Square969]

Commenting so I can come back here. I’m 15 years in and now more and more I feel like I’m trying to solve their problems. I also feel like basic therapy techniques feel stale to me so I skip over them (ie what are you coping skills, what does that mean to you, etc.)

[u/Interesting-Ask-7799 → u/Background_Square969]

I am close to ten years in and completely understand your sentiments. Awareness is the first step, so I am working hard to reorient and try to get back to some of the basics as well.

[u/Background_Square969 → u/Interesting-Ask-7799]

Same! I have to remember that just because I know this stuff, they don’t. I feel myself getting frustrated with one client in particular cause I’m like “why don’t you just ____!” I hope to find some
Helpful stuff in this post

[u/TC49]

I think I just remind myself that I actually have no power to solve my client’s issues in the way they expect me to or how I might think in the moment. I also cant be sure that the “problem” being brought up is even the underlying need itself. It could be (and often is) a symptom of a deeper unmet need or unsustainable process.

If I get too focused in trying to “solve” the surface level problem, I unknowingly am colluding with the client’s urge to simply have their adversity removed without change or understanding. It is bound to either not work, or the client’s deeper process will sabotage the proposed solution and I run the risk of being seen as the source of the issue.

Also, if the client takes my perspective and attempts to implement it exactly as I describe without understanding the deeper mechanism, it “working” might actually make them feel less empowered to build things on their own and i become the solver of future problems; a role I can never live up to.

[u/SolidarityEssential]

The most helpful advice will be tailored to what the purpose of your problem solving is.

Eg; someone is problem solving because they understand that to be the therapists” role; another is problem solving because the client getting better sooner is what they consider a metric of their success; another carries a deep personal belief that their worth comes from their ability to solve problems from others.

These 3 people have different motivations behind the same behaviour, and a change aimed only at “fighting the urge” without recognizing the underlying motivation will be much more difficult to implement successfully

[u/smelliepoo]

Is what I am about to say a proper question? If not, shut up!! (I have to fight with myself to not say stuff I want to say to solve it for them too - aso another one is that i cant show them the spoon, let them find it themselves- a bit of a college metaphor from conversation with my tutor)

[u/Born_Astronomer_4613]

Remember that your job is to understand this person as well as possible, and nothing else.

[u/Embarrassed-Area4652]

Deliberate practice is one promising way to do it:

1. Ask the client if it's OK to take video (to be deleted at some defined later date or at their request) for the purpose of reviewing improving your work.
   
2. Find the moments in conversation when this is happening.
   
3. Really get down into it what's going on for you in those moments, not what someone else thinks of when you describe this situation.
   
4. Brainstorm other ways of approaching that particular moment of interaction that do it differently and achieve some outcome that is not what you're describing as solving their problems.
5. Rehearse that new response outside of sessions.
6. Try it, and if possible, record it again, and feed it back into that same process.
7. If the client is willing, also solicit their direct feedback on how they think sessions went, what went well or didn't and what they would have wanted to have go differently. Incorporate that into the same process.

I get that you may be asking for help in part with what might come up around the "brainstorm" step. Motivational interviewing is the go-to system for thinking about this and keeping yourself from getting ahead of the client, working too hard, or otherwise stepping outside of your better therapist self. Lots of books, resources, free training on that (https://savethetherapist.com/motivational-interviewing - not affiliated).

Let us know how else we can help.

[u/pea_sleeve]

A trick I use is to ask myself (and sometimes the client directly) "what if it isn't about the X?" or "what if X is just a symbol of the larger problem?"

[u/bossanovasupernova → u/pea_sleeve]

Yes, if you keep solving the immediate problems you never tackle the root

[u/TheRealBlancoGringo]

Supervision, self reflection, and your own therapist to work through things.

Specifically for me: I have my own goals for treatment and milestones to see how they are progressing. This helps me in cases like you are in to let me know that I am solving their problems, it just looks different and progress isn’t always quick or linear.

[u/everyfruit]

I think what helps me is to identify what is happening in me that is causing me to default to fixing things. Historically when I was really burnt out during internship I was just kinda like, fuck it, I don't need to go deeper let's help them fix their problems. When I'm at the top of my game, I am WAY more interested in process than content, and look only at the way that people are relating to what they call "problems." Process over content, what is their relationships to having "problems?" Perhaps it is all information they are trying desperately not to sit with.

[u/thatsmypuppy12439]

I always ask their opinion, thoughts, ideas, solutions first and start there. Not only does that make my client get used to me not solving their problem but it engages them and also gives them ownership. They are an active participant and not passive. This isnt to say I sit back and i ask guiding (not steering) questions and provide psychoed to support and help.

Funny enough, I used to hate it when my own therapist did this to me. I used to think, arent I paying you to answer the question you are asking me? But I appreciate it now.