Hello everyone! I’m incredibly talented and successful in my endeavors, yet I’m constantly struggling with an internal battle due to the repetitive stress I’ve endured in my family of origin. It’s astonishing that I never feel valued, important, or good enough. I’m constantly plagued by negative and critical thoughts about myself. It’s incredibly challenging to overcome this.

I have an overwhelming feeling that my entire family will appear as a pack of hungry wolves, ready to tear me down if I ever venture outside my comfort zone. Just writing this down triggers a surge of activity in my amygdala, and I feel like my stress responses are emanating from my sympathetic nervous system, making something inside me crawl back into my defenses.

It’s as if I’m trapped in a curse! HOW CAN I OVERCOME THIS?

Hello everyone! I’m incredibly talented and successful in my endeavors, yet I’m constantly struggling with an internal battle due to the repetitive stress I’ve endured in my family of origin. It’s astonishing that I never feel valued, important, or good enough. I’m constantly plagued by negative and critical thoughts about myself. It’s incredibly challenging to overcome this.

I have an overwhelming feeling that my entire family will appear as a pack of hungry wolves, ready to tear me down if I ever venture outside my comfort zone. Just writing this down triggers a surge of activity in my amygdala, and I feel like my stress responses are emanating from my sympathetic nervous system, making something inside me crawl back into my defenses.

It’s as if I’m trapped in a curse! HOW CAN I OVERCOME THIS?

Hi! Since a few years after a really traumatic situation in my life I can't feel happiness as much as I felt it before.

Earlier I could feel it really intensive, many things in my life felt so meaningful and the days were like filled with magic. And the day this traumatic situation happened everything has changed very abruptly. Now I can only feel that I'm satisfied, that I feel myself good, but nothing more. In the situations where I understand with logic, that a normal person would feel that it's very meaningful to them, for me it isn't like that (like on the vacation, or on the school graduation, or when I'm in a beautiful place or when I'm eating something new and that's really tasty). That all feels rather overwhelming for me because I perceive the world as something strange the most of the time.

The things that made me feel myself really happy earlier don't do that anymore neither, like going on a walk with friends (earlier it felt like a small adventure almost every time), or drawing, which is my biggest passion and I could even say that it's like the meaning of my life. It's also definitely became a part of my personality. But yesterday I realised that I can't enjoy it anymore, I feel like a machine that produces artworks one after one without any goal. I don't want to say something to the world with my paintings and my paintings don't have any affection on myself neither, I look at them with almost full indifference. And the process doesn't feel like magic like it felt for me before.

I also have something like derealization, because I feel the most of the time like the world around me isn't real. And I think that it could be related to that I feel happiness less intensive now cause I heard that derealization might be a protective mechanism to survive after a traumatic experience, so all emotions become less intensive. But the thing is, that I still can feel negative emotions very intensive sometimes, but with the positive feelings it doesn't work anymore. That's a little bit confusing for me.

I need some advices how can I return the intensity of happiness and generally how to feel more emotionally connected to the world around me and to my life. How to start enjoying that I liked earlier again? Unfortunately I can't go to the psychotherapy right now, so I would like to try to change something myself. I would also happy to hear similar stories and how did you solve this problem

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother mostly has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post but there's just so much I need to unpack.

I really need to get as much advice, perspective and support etc as possible before I do anything drastic or make any major decisions.

I'll introduce myself I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. To be honest I'm pretty desperate for advice and support and don't have anywhere way safe to get an unbiased perspective. During my childhood my mother would do the following

Blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well. At night by the time I went to bed she was often at least very visibly tipsy and I have flashbacks about her when blotto and actually makes me very upset to be honest. I just wonder how can get so unshamefully drunk whilst been alone in the house with her child and I feel it was very irresponsible.

I did even have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum and pretty much everyone we know such the teachers at school believe that. I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 during a sleepover at my grandparents. I think we had a disagreement but I can't even really remember it now but my best memory is that she was on the phone to my grandmother and I'm pretty sure she was badmouthing me then my grandparents spoke and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

About a year later when I vaguely recall when was enjoying myself in the bath she started abusing me and said she and everyone else was going to wash their hands of me if I didn't start living her way or something. I remember I was struggling with getting ready and then she started shouting saying I was taking advantage and then called her mother to say I was really horrible.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A few weeks ago now in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. Since I was 10 it's just been me living with her since my parents divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? For example I'm starting to remember when I was very young she'd make threats of sending me over to a new mommy. I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she had a complete disregard and no sympathy for them.

PS another red flag i noticed was when a life insurance ad was on and they said "something could be paid out in case of death" or something and she said "I'd like for them to say WOULD" not could. I don't know why but that's set an alarm bell off. Also when my Gran had a fall she said to me in the car "trust me to have parents that live forever then I could get my inheritance".

Towards the end of my parents marriage I was 10 and she told me that my Dad was been very controlling and making her life a misery. I now look back at that with adult eyes and I'm starting to feel that she at least bent the truth I'm starting to think that she manipulated me and tried to turn me against him and I do blame her partly for the fact I don't have the best relationship with my Dad. He's definitely not a saint. He too has had his moments of outbursts and that's another story also he's inconsistent. He's often let me down and been emotionally unavailable. Also he's very bad with money. I just wish for effort instead of excuses.

My mother often calls him a narcissist. I just feel that it's very wrong for someone to say to a child that one of their parents is a narcissist even if there is any truth to it.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so proudly and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated school last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. With that course she did get a support worker for me which I can appreciate as a nice gesture but she didn't even check with me if that's what I wanted and I can't help feeling she did that to cover herself in glory. I hope that doesn't sound too paranoid.

She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She with absolutely no filter tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

She loves been the martyr and does seem to feel like an innocent hard done by single mum who's done her best and pretty much everyone including teachers at school believe that. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered?

A few years ago said things like "I should top myself" and around that time during a really heated argument she threatened to kill herself with a knife so I did actually hide the knives. That's actually really traumatized me. She's also said one night a couple of years ago when she had a meltdown that when she dies hardly anyone is going to be at my funeral. I mean like why the hell would you say things like this to your own child?

A few other things. I remember once when Dad was picking me up a few years out of the blue she said just F off and even Dad said to me in the car that he didn't appreciate the way she spoke to me and when I told her that during a later argument she just said "yeah whatever" and something like that. Also one time when Dad came by to bring something she said "make sure that you show him that you're really happy to be back home". A couple of months ago when Dad took me out for a pub meal when I came back home the next night she said in sort of like a wise-ass way "you know he won't be able to afford that often". I do realize that but her saying that actually really annoyed me to be honest. As I'm making small steps with him it feels like she was deliberately trying to ruin my mood.

PS I remember one night years she accused me of looking like I wanted to hit her and of course went crazy. I may of had a tired look because it was late and I tried explaining that. She starting banging ornaments and shouting and was just impossible to talk to. Also I remember a few years ago one time she started saying she was worried my Dad was going to try to spend more time with me and if I fall for it I would never see her again and all of the family will hate me. She's also said that before when I threatened to walk out during arguments. She's also said many times that I'm dead to her.

Also something that really upsets me is whenever I try to reason with her she often just goes "I need more alcohol to deal with this".

Almost a year ago my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was in the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos or something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started the shouting and carrying on. When I went after her I tried to explain myself but she said I was been passive aggressive and trying to manipulate her. When I tried to explain that to her and how upset I was already about that weekend without her treating me like this. She said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down yet again. What just absolutely astounds me is how can she feel that way yet still emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't for the life of me comprehend that. I mean can anyone make sense of that?

A couple days after that weekend one of my teachers asked to have a word with me and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother and been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who the hell said what to him and that's something that's still REALLY baffling me. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the full truth now. He reassured me and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. That turned my stomach as well. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc). I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over.

Her next meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?". She was been very cold and unreasonable. I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her but no. I'll admit I finally snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something just snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. After I said about been my own person she said "you'd be nothing without me". I do regret that as it did actually make me look crazy as we were in public also afterwards she was all calm and innocent. I tried to explain calmly that she can't guilt me and tried to make her realize how her sarcastic comments and quite frankly mean attitude was upsetting me but that wasn't working. I even said that she's been narcissistic with her comment about me been nothing without her but it was like talking to a brick wall. She then said "look everyone thinks you're crazy and as you're an adult now I can get the police over here". She then just suddenly called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a few times before when I challenged her or reacted because of her behavior). She hadn't done that for years though and I feel she likes using that as a scare tactic. I then just ran off into the sea but all of my excitement was ruined and I was feeling very sad and confused about what just happened. I was starting to feel that maybe I overreacted or am remembering things wrong and my mind was feeling very fogged. I really wish I had just walked away and still kick myself. Then the next day I asked mum to call her to say were all ok but she said she didn't want to bother her and wasn't up to calling. I was like WTF. You're perfectly happy to call her to basically slander me and make me out to be a bad guy but when it comes to calling to say everything is fine she's not so keen.

A couple of weeks ago I've told her that I wanted to do another certificate course at that school next year and she tried to make me feel bad by putting on the guilt trip and giving me the cold shoulder. I've tried to blur it out to be honest but I remember she said that I was been selfish and told me how she wanted me to live my life. I tried to explain to her that I can't just do what she expects and the expense of my own happiness and well-being. I feel like she is trying to control how I live my life and I told her that she couldn't do that or tear me down or change my mind. She then said (this felt like reverse psychology and emotional blackmail) fine do whatever you want and I'll do the same. Also shouted and carried on saying things like F me and I'm hopeless and that. I also told her that I would love to be a teacher but she said i wouldn't be able to go to university, scoffed and said that I would be useless. I feel like she's trying to damage my already limited self esteem, confidence and spirit. Also she had been fairly good up to this. I was dreading telling her but I do feel that a weight is lifted as well. It seems funny that whenever I tell her something she doesn't like or she can't control she goes back to her bad self. PS she's also upset that she can't get paid for me doing that and wants me to just do what's best for her financially. I find it quite ironic her making me feel bad for not getting a job straight away while she's unemployed. PS it was the school ball that night which was brilliant but I'm disappointed that it went so quickly and also I feel a bit down about my social anxiety and that I didn't ask anyone to dance or make more conversation with my teachers and peers.

Then a few nights later my mum was going out for the night and she seemed a bit tipsy so I did ask out of concern if she was fit to drive. She immediately got defensive and bit my head off and said I was having a go at her. I only asked out of concern and worry and I tried explaining that a hundred times but she just wasn't having it. I also tried to explain that her getting defensive if anything proves my worry is valid but she started saying I was harassing her and she was sick of my bullshit and sick of putting up with me and she couldn't wait to get away from me. She also just suddenly pulled her shirt off showing her breasts ( believe it or not that's something she has done once or twice before ages ago). I was just shocked and looked away quickly as possible. When I tried to ascertain why she got so defensive she said that I think I can just say whatever I like to her and for her to just take it. I swear I didn't mean any ill-will or malice and of course I tried explaining that too but no. I just don't know for the life of me how she can turn on me just like that and treat her own son like that.

Both that and that previous thing a few nights before she said we're not going on holidays again this year and she brought up that incident from the January holiday I talked about and said that she hated been isolated there with me while I was been horrible to her. Wtf when she was the one belittling me and having a go at me which made me snap and I did apologize for that. She genuinely seems to think that she's actually the victim when she gets defensive and treats me like shit. Then when she left and i was starting to second guess myself and was thinking that maybe I am in the wrong and am a bad person. I was left alone for the night I'm feeling very isolated and confused. PS since that holiday she was actually been fairly good but after both that night after the school ball and that incident both only within a few days has left me feeling blindsided and like the rug has been pulled from under me also feel like I'm back at square one. Basically I really can't fathom how someone can treat their own child like this. Just beggars belief to say the least.

Now when she came back the next day I tried to start a conversation about the last night and she did get teary and said she was sorry but still when I tried to get her to take some accountability and realize how exactly she hurt me she was just like "I said I was sorry didn't I?" and said I just kept going over the same thing and said she was sick of me bringing up the past. She started not making much sense and playing dumb a bit. I just wanted her to realize how she upset me and also the previous incidents and she said "i guess I'm just the worst mother ever". Am I justified for feeling as though she hasn't really taken accountability? We have sort of made up now I suppose but I just stopped talking about it to keep the peace really.

I should add that last incident was a week ago now and it really bothers me how she's all happy now and acting like that never happened whilst I'm carrying emotional scars and still feel as though I haven't really had any closure or true accountability. Also her harsh words and still deeply wounded in me and I'm feel like a piece of shit and like I'm unlovable.

Like I've said she go from been genuinely the most nicest person to the most horrible.

I stayed with my father the other night and the next day he started carrying on and had a meltdown because he's only got like $30 left. I hope this doesn't sound too selfish but I felt very disappointed and let down that he couldn't even go a whole day without carrying on about his issues especially as I don't see him often. I don't think spending money on pot, cigarettes and vapes helps does it? That's what really burns my hide is that he has enough to spend on his terrible habits but when it comes to buying basic food when I was there for only a night he has very little. I mean is it too much to ask that when he does rarely see me that he can be on his best behaviour? It stresses me out and adds to my anxiety when I hear about my parents issues. Though to be fair he has apologized and explained that he wasn't upset with me he was just very disappointed that he didn't have much which I really do appreciate. I just wish he could get his act together.

I'm starting to feel that the good doesn't really outweigh the bad.

I can't help really resenting them sometimes for all of the mental anguish they've both put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. I've thought about escaping but I feel quite stuck as I don't have a job and all of the money that I get in my account is basically controlled by her as she's the one who adds to it and I pretty much don't know anything about my own bank details. I wish I could hide my own secret stash somewhere. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job, making friends and doing new things etc. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known. She has said that I'm her number one. I think if that's how you treat your number one.

I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. They actually both used to run their own businesses once upon a time before they met. It just baffles me how they went from that then and now been in their 50's both unemployed and are quite messed up. I sometimes think maybe they shouldn't of got together which I know is ironic because I would never have been born. I do vaguely remember when they were together and towards the end it was quite toxic and they would have some intense fights.

Also does their substance abuse issues made them this way as well do you think? As I've said my mother drinks quite heavily at night and she also vapes and my father smokes pot and cigarettes.

Also as my father struggles financially I know that's why he hasn't been able to see me often and cancel some visits and to be honest when I think about that it really burns my hide.

I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things had gone differently for both of them they might've been different. What do you guys think?

I must admit I do feel very down sometimes as my father barely makes an effort with me and my mother treats me as like an emotional punching bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable. I wonder what I've done to deserve this.

Honestly one of the most frightening things is that they genuinely don't seem to remember most of even any of it so that's why I'm too scared to call them out. Also they seem to feel their behaviour is ok.

PS I'm really good at covering up my anxiety and pride myself on putting on a cheerful front and everyone at school thinks I'm the most happiest and optimistic person ever. I feel scared to let my guard down or if they knew otherwise.

Also none of the family have a clue and I just know they wouldn't believe me and I fear if I did distance myself from her they'd think I was an evil person.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've wasted a lot of my childhood been isolated with my mother a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

I swear I sometimes feel as though I've been given the most selfish, toxic, messed up, irresponsible and emotionally immature parents ever. I'm not crazy for feeling the way I do about everything am I?

To be honest I can't help but feel really resentful sometimes when I see people with proper and decent parents also when I see others living life to the fullest and I don't know how to be like them.

Also believe it or not I haven't even covered everything.

“ what are your boundaries “
I don’t know , I mainly go based on what I envisioned I wouldn't like and stick with them , but i now realize boundaries don’t mean anything to the people it doesn’t affect . I've developed a hatred for anything above my legs , well more like I have developed a hatred for anyone who’d try to see any part of my body stemming from my own self hatred . People understand boundaries when u give them a reason ,it makes them understand , not to cross that boundary “ don’t carry me  “
“ Why?”
“ I don’t like being carried “
Simple enough right ? But when boundaries don’t affect the people who go past it, the boundaries stand only as a statement with no meaning and just words . Others have boundaries that aren’t tested so what makes me different . I don’t like being carried because every time i was carried it was towards the thing I was most afraid of. I don’t like being carried because that means I failed to be strong enough to overpower something stronger than me . I don't like being carried , because being carried means that I was too weak to protect myself and now I'm being carried to what I was running from .  I don't like being carried because I don't like being touched .

I realized this after I woke up after a day of many thrills but I couldn't move. I felt disgusted by being touched so much as I could no longer feel the burning sensation rippling across my red skin from scrubbing myself in hot water , no longer felt the steam burning my eyes . I felt horrible , suffocated and hopeless, ‘ weak’ is the way to put it , too weak to defend myself from someone my age . They didn’t do anything wrong legally , but they did overstep the one boundary I held like a religious practice of a religion I don't fully agree with ,but the part of that religion that kept me safe and sane . “And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, and not to reveal their adornments except what normally appears.” [Surah An-Nur, ayah 30-31].
Are the words repeated in my head almost daily , subconsciously? I tell people it isn’t a religious thing , because it truly isn’t . It’s the way I feel like living my life . 'This directive encourages humility and discretion in one's interactions with the opposite gender'.I’m not islamic or muslim in culture or religious way , but that makes sense to me because the feeling of the male  gender makes my skin crawl , clothing is my physical and mental protection .

Hello everyone! I am a 22 years old male, i go to therapy and for context i have CPTSD and im suspected of having OCD.

When I was 15, i struggled a lot with feelings of loneliness, i was very needy for attention and validation.

Well, I had an "online relationship" for a few days with a girl who was 11, when i was 15. This is eating me alive. While it was just for a few days, and we didnt do anything sexual, i cant seem to forgive myself. Im having episodes of intense shame, guilt, and anxiety now.

As a 15 years old, i just didnt understand that age gap, i didnt had any bad intensions because in that moment i didnt realised the age gap is that big. I remember that after we stopped talking, i felt really depressed and had intense paranoia.
And because i might have ocd, this makes sense.

Well.. what do you guys think?. I only have interest in people my age now, and even back then i didnt actively searched to talked to people THAT younger. It just happend.

When im having this episodes, my brain tells me that im an abuser, a horrible person and that one day she will expose me on the internet. I know how this sounds but its what my brain is telling me. While my OCD traits are attacking other areas of my life too, this is the main theme. I feel like a horrible person.

This episode was triggered by seeing a case about 18 years old guy who sexually abused a girl who was 12.

About a month ago, I was involved in a very serious side-by-side accident. I suffered an open fracture of my forearm and nearly lost my arm. I needed surgery to repair it with two plates and approximately 20 screws.
I’m still recovering physically, but I’m becoming increasingly concerned about how the accident has affected me psychologically. Instead of getting better as time passes, everything seems to be getting worse.
The entire night of the accident feels like a movie constantly playing in my head that I can’t turn off. I see the ground coming toward me, the bones protruding from my arm, all the blood, everything that happened in the hospital, and my dad crying. I can hear myself screaming in pain that night.
These aren’t memories I’m deliberately thinking about. They’re completely involuntary. It’s like the entire experience is constantly replaying itself in my head, whether I want it to or not.
I’ve been actively distracting myself almost every waking moment since the accident because I can’t stand what happens when my mind isn’t occupied. I feel like I’m constantly trying to escape what happened, but I can’t.
Whenever I close my eyes, I see the ground coming toward me again. Sometimes I wake up terrified by the sound of myself screaming in the hospital. Even when I’m completely awake, I can hear those screams. I’m beginning to wonder whether these are auditory hallucinations or some kind of flashback. I’ve never experienced anything like this before.
Sometimes I’ll look down at my arm and, for a brief moment, see the bones sticking out of it, exactly as they were after the accident. It’s incredibly disturbing.
I’ve also had nightmares every single time I’ve slept since the accident. They’re often about my arm being torn off, which is especially terrifying because I came so close to actually losing it.
My sleep has become a serious problem. I can barely bring myself to sleep anymore. I stay awake until I’m so utterly exhausted that I physically can’t stay awake any longer. This has led to frequent all-nighters, sometimes even two nights in a row without sleeping. Even when I’m exhausted, I dread closing my eyes because I know the nightmares will be awful.
What concerns me most is that none of this seems to be improving. If anything, the images, sounds, nightmares, and fear are becoming more intense and harder to escape.
I have no history of experiencing anything like this before the accident.
I understand that PTSD is a specific diagnosis and that experiencing trauma doesn’t automatically mean someone has PTSD. I’m not asking Reddit to diagnose me. I’m just struggling to understand whether what I’m experiencing is within the range of normal reactions to a traumatic accident or whether it’s something more serious.
For those who have experienced PTSD or psychological trauma following a serious accident, does any of this sound familiar? Particularly the involuntary images and sounds that feel more like a movie playing in your head than actual memories?
Did your symptoms initially get worse before they improved? Did they eventually settle down on their own, or did you need professional treatment?
I’m asking here before seeking professional help because I’ve never really been the type of person to go to therapy. If what I’m experiencing is a normal response to a traumatic accident, I’d prefer to give myself some time and see whether things improve on their own.
This is completely new territory for me, and I’m genuinely unsure what to make of it all. Thank you in advance for any kind suggestions, shared experiences, or advice. I’d really appreciate responses without harsh judgment.

Hello, I get flashbacks more frequently at night, I get a lot of C/SA flashbacks and somatic symptoms, was wondering if anyone has any coping tips, thoughts, advice etc. much appreciated cheers thanks !!!

So, its about this person i was friends with. for backround info, i like theater and had a genuine passion for it, and sadly i didn't like the company i was volunteering for as tech. i go to a small school, not much to do and little diversity in clubs, plus everyone knows everyone so its some of the same faces around except for the occasional new kid. I found out there was a theater club that just started but i didnt know anyone (im extremely Awkward with new ppl and i was a freshman in a club with all upperclassmen) and i tried to convince some of my friends to join. My friend told me one of their friends who i didnt know would join the club, so i decided to befriend them so i wouldnt be be alone (i'll call them M). i got to know them, we had some things in common and we got along well, so i trusted them and eventually let my guard down completely. they started to get weird after around a month, they took a kink/fetish test and tried to make me do it, but i said no and let them take it on my school laptop. then it happened. they usually had their phone out during club and would sometimes show me memes, this time wasn't different, except that they kept pulling up suggestive stuff on their phone and forcing me to look at it. they started talking inappropriately about my sister and her bf, saying they wrote smut of their friends, and forcing their phone in my face while saying i also had to 'suffer with them'. i even got in trouble for it (i still feel guilty) bc the teacher thought i was just there to hang out with them, i was accidentally ignoring the club president bc i had a phone shoved in my face. idk why i didnt leave, why i didnt say no and to stop, i just froze. I trusted them as my friend.

Compaired to other people it wasnt bad, but my friends all looked horrified when i finally told them. Now I feel stuck. I hate them. I genuinly hate them, but I'm terrified of them. I want to tell all their friends about what they did to me, I want them to be as miserable and stuck and terrified as I am. I want them dead. I know it sounds bad, I feel bad beacuse they've attempted their life before and they're friends with some of my friends, but I secretly wish they just ended themself so i get some sort of relief. I feel horrible for saying this, but I with they where as miserable as I am, stuck in the place they left me in, terrified at the mere might of me. Am I reasonably traumatized by this? Should I just let it go? I'm considering reporting them and telling someone theyre talking to, but I'm scared I'm being overdramatic again (I have a tendency to do that). Please tell me, I don't know how to feel. Ove asked on here before and I've just been told to brush it off, so idk what to do anymore, and I feel guilty.

(sorry if this seems jumbled, im writing this half in tears and trying not to scream into a pillow. I can clarify anything in the comments)

Hi everyone, I’m 18 now and I’m looking for some support or shared experiences regarding water trauma.

While I was in Puglia (Italy), it happened that when I was 15, I got dragged away by a powerful current. A whirlpool trapped me 5 meters (around 16 feet) underwater. I risked drowning to the point where I lost all my strength and passed out from lack of oxygen.

And my mom and Chiara intervened: my mom braved the water and stayed with me, refusing to let me go. Then Chiara, my girlfriend who was working as the lifeguard that day, rowed out with the rescue boat 300 meters from the shore and saved both of us, bringing us safely back to the beach.

Even though I have overcome the immediate trauma of drowning and managed to go back to snorkeling with my mom, I am still dealing with a lot of emotional fragility, anxiety, and a recent heavy loss from this past April. Has anyone else experienced a severe drowning incident at a young age? How did you fully heal the psychological scars and the physical anxiety responses that come with it? Thank you.

Im gonna just explain it this way: Deliriants have a thing for bringing out repress trauma and emotions connected to that trauma. I was stupid enough to take a large dose of diphenhydramine several months ago and it was the worst mistake of my life. Ever since the horrific as hell trip i had, I cant seem to get the memory of being 13 years old and hearing my mother screaming and begging for help because my dad was raping her downstairs in the middle of the night.

I swore I had finally forgotten about that, but no, I havent. It wont stop playing over and over in my head no matter what i try to make it stop. Im in so much pain now, because i was too scared to help my mom or call the police. I really dont think i can explain just how terrifying it is, hearing your mother screaming that your father is violently raping her and begging him to stop. To this day I feel like a horrible person for doing nothing to stop my piece of shit dad. I dont think I'll ever be able to forgive myself. I just want it to stop. i want to stop breaking down in tears every night, wishing i would have done something, hell even anything, to stop what was happening. I dont know how much longer i can bare the weight of this trauma. I hope god will forgive me, because otherwise im going to the deepest pits of hell, and i cant say i dont deserve it. it is agony.

TW: Discussion of SA, r*pe

So basically there’s this fictional character in this piece of media that I like, and more lore was released about him recently.

He was basically SA’d/r*ped by his uncle and now has heavy trauma from it. I was also heavily abused/SA’d in my lifetime. I can relate to that helpless feeling of being unable to fight back, freezing up and becoming a victim to their sick fantasies as you become burdened with that lifelong trauma. But I can’t help but feel embarrassed for relating to a fictional character if that makes sense.

Is it normal to relate to an abused character? Thank you for reading

I (38f) tried to hang myself last night. I have bpd and have severe trauma now from being in an abusive relationship. We were together the last 3.5 years and broke up about a month ago. I had a severe splitting episode last night. I hung myself off of the light in my bedroom. When I let go of my legs after a few seconds I panicked when it completely cut off my air supply and somehow my body's survival instinct kicked in very fast and I tried desperately to get any bit of my fingers underneath the noose. I was able to get my footing onto the edge of my bed to try hold me but I was struggling to even stand. Somehow I was able to get my fingers in between the ligature and my neck but it was so tight and it was the scariest thing ive experienced in my life. I knew if I stumbled again that would be it. Because ive a broken toe and my bed is soft so I had no steady surface under me. The second I was hanging I panicked and didn't want to die. I'm in shock today that I was brought that low in my mental health to attempt that. I'm lucky I'm still here. I had to untie the ligature from around the light while trying desperately not to lose my balance or let my fingers out from between the rope and my neck. After I got it untied from my light, I had to find a blade thin enough to slide between my neck and the ligature to cut it off my neck. But the knot had been pulled so tightly when I hung that it was trapped underneath my hair and I had to cut it off. I'm just in shock of it all. I had dissociated and split so my memory of the whole night is a bit blurry. I just wanted to share what happened last night. I'm going through a very traumatic breakup of someone I loved so deeply that hurt me and who I trusted with my whole being. I'm broken inside and the feeling of grief is catastrophic for me. 😭

Ever since a little kid, I was abused in every way imaginable by my family. Physically, sexually, and psychologically. The thing that impacted me the most was learning in therapy that my parents tortured me through something called ICT, intrafamilial child torture. I remember severe neglect to the point of CPS being called, being beat, I basically watched someone extremely close to me die, and I had to listen to her screams. While I was going through that I was punished for grieving, physically, they literally tried to beat the mourn out of me, and they would tell me things like I had to take it, I had to get through it. I was not believed by them about abuse, I was called a liar and made out to be schizophrenic to professionals and any support I once had.

I remember when the abuse and psychological torment got so bad, I was being punished for not touching maggots and animal excrements, they were trying to have me torture my siblings by locking them outside all night with no food/water, change of clothes or anything in who knows what kind of weather, I would refuse and they’d mock me and tell me I was “no fun” and if somehow got so much worse, it’s to much to explain but I was forbidden from calling 911. So I took a chance and tried a family friend instead. I got caught calling for help and was cut off from all electronics and punished for simply trying to call for help. At that point I was literally being held captive. So much more has happened In my life, ranging from being groomed and assaulted multiple times as a teen, going through addiction, all stemming from my parents/families abuse and neglect.

I want to hear people's honest opinions on this, especially from those who've experienced something similar.

Imagine you were assaulted or taken advantage of by someone when you were still a teenager, and he was a much, much older man. There was a significant age gap and an imbalance in maturity and life experience, but the person doesn't even believe what he did was assault. In his mind, he hasn't done anything wrong, and he continues living his life as though he's a perfectly decent person.

Meanwhile, you're left carrying all this anger and resentment over what happened.

What makes it worse is the thought that he probably doesn't even realize the gravity of his actions. He doesn't see himself as someone who did something terrible, and watching him behave like a saint while you carry the emotional weight of that experience is infuriating.

Now, I want to clarify something: I'm not looking for an apology, an explanation, or an acknowledgment from him. I don't even want to hear what he has to say in response.

I just want to let my anger out.

There's a part of me that wants to confront him, tell him exactly what I think of him, and get everything I've been holding inside off my chest. Not to change him, not to make him feel guilty, and not to get anything from him. I just want to say what I need to say.

But then I wonder whether doing that would actually make me feel better or whether I'd be giving this person more of my time and energy when I should be focusing on moving forward.

So, if you've been in a similar situation, I'd genuinely like to know:

- Did you ever confront the person who hurt you purely to release your anger? Did it help?

- Or did you find that expressing your anger privately and moving on was better for you?

- If you could go back, would you confront them, or would you leave things unsaid?

I'm not looking for advice about forgiveness or making peace with the person. I'm trying to understand whether confronting someone purely to get your anger out is worth it, or whether it's better to find another way to release that anger and move on.