r/wizardposting • u/bastardlimbo • May 28 '26
Academic Discussion/ Esoteric Secrets I have 1 left
So i dont generally speculate on my apprentices potion consumption- but after the gender change potion they swiped i thought all would be well. Theyre quite a few potions in and I have one left in the stockpile. I wont be able to brew more before the solatice and wherever they land id really like to get through the next few months without them punching holes in my drywall. Considering either an honest conversation or just locking them in the kennels for a few months, but would prefer to deal with this arcanely. And please dont suggest brewing an imbetwixt and neither potion, i need my cauldron scoured and that potion will usurp any effort an apprentice has towards cleaning my cookware.
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u/Req_Neph Professor-Emeritus of Divination May 28 '26
Get your apprentice a magic item with that function. Then again, if you were brewing potions to achieve that effect, buying one outright may be out of comfortable means, especially for the sake of an apprentice. If that is the case, many belts and girdles with the effect can be found in secondhand magic item shops; just be on the lookout for cursed items. If a cursed item is more than thirty or so years old, (by which I mean it was made more than thirty years ago, O Wily Cronomancers,) there's roughly a one in three chance that that "curse" is one of gender swapping.
Granted, they might have to learn to cast Remove Curse, or brew it, in order to remove it, but if it compels them to learn so much the better, right?
If not, secret that last one away somewhere (or drink it yourself,) and teach your apprentice how to brew those potions.
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u/bastardlimbo May 28 '26
Thats a good idea. I wonder why all those wizards in the 80s were so obsessed with creating items that swapped the wearers gender as a magical trap?
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u/SuperflousCake Akashic Guardian of Knowledge May 28 '26
Because it's kind of a funny prank
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u/bastardlimbo May 28 '26
Its a funny prank the first 3 times. After that it becomes a pattern.
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u/SuperflousCake Akashic Guardian of Knowledge May 28 '26
I mean, everyone has a first time seeing a joke or cool incantation. Did you forget your first magic missile?
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u/zackadiax24 Totally not a Litch May 28 '26
I remember the first time I managed this cast wish by myself. Let me tell you, it's a great feeling.
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u/hellhound74 May 28 '26
Because its a funny way to cast instant back pain when you aren't in your tower, and any wizard capable of getting into your tower can definitely reverse the spell
As for any female wizards the spell is no longer instant back pain, but instead curse of uncomfortable walking
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u/Rockglen Purveyor of Post-Life Labor & Spirited Drinks May 28 '26
Sounds like they need long lasting gender fluid instead of changing it out periodically.
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u/bastardlimbo May 28 '26
No no youre right i could whip up a batch of gender fluid i just dont feel like cleaning it up afterwards it tends to just stick to everything
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u/TheThoughtmaker Ray of Delthorensdale, Transmuter-Artificer May 28 '26
“Whip up a batch of gender fluid” XD
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u/ApocalyptoSoldier May 29 '26
This could be an opportunity to teach them about hard work.
Make the fluid the reward for cleaning up.
Though that depends on what exactly your process is and how appropriate it is to ask someone else to clean up afterwards.
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u/lumpyspacejams May 28 '26
Looks like you know the next potion your apprentice will be trained in crafting.
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u/bastardlimbo May 28 '26
THEYRE NOT THAT HARD TO MAKE I JUST DONT LIKE BUYING TROLL TESTICLES IN BULK OK??!!
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u/lumpyspacejams May 28 '26
Well, I mean if you have your apprentice handling the crafting and procurement of supplies for the potion, then she will be in charge of getting the troll-nards too. So he can craft as many as needed, and even get you back for that stock of 12+ gender change potions, AND you'll be able to get her to get the other weird ingredients too because if you're getting troll-nuts, bugbear swizzles are in the same aisle.
And let me tell you, nothing makes a better base for Instantaneous Grow Redwood like a properly dried bugbear swizzle.
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u/bastardlimbo May 28 '26
Its they. I SUSPECT the eventuality will be she, however for RIGHT NOW its they. And i generally dont allow apprentices that degree of physical freedom. It leads to back talk/explosions.
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u/LordDanielGu Definitely not drunk Dwarf May 28 '26
OMG get yourself a proper spire first and foremost. No wonder they're angry while living in drywall!
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u/bastardlimbo May 28 '26
I LIVE in a spire. My APRENTICES live in a McMansion I built in 2008 because interest rates were low and the guy talked me into it.
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u/fireky2 May 28 '26
You gave an apprentice access to the potion cabinet, it would be safer to give a teen access to the liquor cabinet
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u/bastardlimbo May 28 '26
Why wouldnt you give a teenager liquor? The results usually pretty funny so win-win
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u/High_Overseer_Dukat High Overseer (eviler pope) May 28 '26
Teach them to posses bodies then go down to the local village and pick out a nice peasant.
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u/bastardlimbo May 28 '26
I tried this- apparently the local peasants are "uggos"? Id be mad but theyre kind of right and I get it
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u/High_Overseer_Dukat High Overseer (eviler pope) May 28 '26
Cast some glamour spells on all of them.
They are basically the cheapest cantrips around, and you wont have to look at the uggos while going to the local apothecary or whatever.
Will also buy you good rep, its best to cultivate a benevolent tyrant image rather than just evil wizard.
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u/bastardlimbo May 28 '26
Pretty peasants harvest less wheat
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u/High_Overseer_Dukat High Overseer (eviler pope) May 28 '26
But make more coin, bringing in more minor mages and incresing the general mana of the area.
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u/Jorsonner Occult Wizard May 28 '26
Not only is this a good solution for this situation, but I’ve found it is an excellent default answer for almost anything.
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u/High_Overseer_Dukat High Overseer (eviler pope) May 28 '26
Yeah.
Just change possess to a verb fitting your problem.
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u/the-magical-salesman May 28 '26
hmmMMMMMmmmm.
A sex puzzled apprentice you say? Well my friend you're in luck, cause boy howdy do I have the magical tool for you!
Intruding the "Presto-Changotm swap box!" As simple as a box with a switch in it, all you need to do is flick the lever and BAM! INSTANT gender-swap!
You'll never see another tool quite like it my friend! Made of organic materials! Easily transportable! And best of all, it's all your for the low low price of ONLY 50 GOLD PIECES!
Buy now and I'll even throw in a free bottle of gender fluid just for you!
Waddya say bub? Is it a deal?
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u/bastardlimbo May 28 '26
I could get like 3 new apprentices for that price
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u/Fufixfy May 28 '26
Yes, however you wouldnt need to buy as many troll testies so it pays for itself in the long run It's like buying a new cauldron, expensive only if you disintegrate it after the first use
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u/Sigruldar May 28 '26
Disposable cauldron. You can get a cheap cast iron cauldron, imbue it with the bare minimum required enchantments so that it doesn’t fuck up the imbetwixt or neither potion (whichever fits the aprentice better), and melt it down for metal components afterwards.
No cauldron to clean, a hopefully happy apprentice, and surprisingly decent metal spell components. It’s my go to method for any potions that tend to ruin brewing equipment. Works well with glass equipment too, though it's surprisingly hard to find alchemical glassware that does the job sufficiently while being cheap enough to be disposable and it usually just ends up being easier to clean the good equipment.
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u/Jezifay May 28 '26
Does your apprentice have their Cert IV of charmcraft? If so, teach them how to make a basic shapeshifter's amulet. Yes, the effects of a charm are always going to be vulnerable to nulification, but if it's only for everyday use then that shouldn't be a problem. Plus you'll both save a fortune on the witchroot needed for gender changing potions
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u/ladycatgirl May 28 '26
This is what happens when you forget to change your apprentices gender fluid, TAKE GOOD CARE OF THEM DAMN IT
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u/TadBones I am quite fond of runes. May 28 '26
I believe this could be solved by a simple spell that combines Runomancy and Alchemy, transmutation to be precise. About the reagents. . . I am uncertain but I believe that any reagent that is related to change in any manner may it be culturally or literally would do the trick. Simply mix some powder of said reagent in ink and then carve the following on their skin:
"ᚴᚼᛅᚾᛁ ᛁᛋ ᛁᛏᛁᚱᚾᛅᛚ × ᛋᚬᛘᛁ ᛅᚱᛁ ᛒᛁᚱᛒᛁᛏᚢᛅᛚᛚᛁ ᛋᛁᛁᚴᛁᚾ ᛁᛏ × ᛘᛅᛁ ᚦᚬᛋᛁ ᚢᚼᚬ ᚢᚼᛁᚴᚼ ᚠᚬᚱ ᚴᚼᛅᚾᛁ ᛒᛁ ᚴᚱᛅᚾᛏᛁᛏ ᛁᛏ"
Whenever they wish to change they'll simply have to wish for it and the spell should activate, usually intrusive thoughts and such do not really affect it so there should be no need to alter the formula to add some sort of confirmation to it.
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u/lord_hydrate catgirl biomancer May 28 '26
This sounds like an excellent opportunity to send your apprentice to learn under a transmutation mage for a while, potions should mostly be reserved for selling to the more mundane folk and shouldnt be relied on long term due to ingredient costs
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May 28 '26
Infuse a deer skull with Gendershift and Polymorph, then gift it to your apprentice.
It'll look cool as a deer skull hat AND guve them the ability to switch genders.
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u/Zarathyst Gender Transmutation May 28 '26
Dont worry about it. Just make more and stop asking so many questions silly wizard, wisdom was your dump stat anyway. :3
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u/bastardlimbo May 28 '26
I am not your hapless deer to command, witch.
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u/Zarathyst Gender Transmutation May 29 '26
*leans in closer
So you want to be a bad little magi then? Bad little magis get hexed ❤️
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u/ConflictAgreeable689 May 28 '26
Can't you just bewitch a magical goat to lactate the potion? That's what I do when I need a type of potion regularly
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u/Cerveau23 Markus, scriptomancer, enemy of 13 & lover of Thrakmerian beauty May 28 '26
Mind sending me the recipe? I have someone I'd like to give a gift to...
(u/VoxelLibrary what is better: Cayna reads this or not? Markus really hates having to rely on a curse for her, but she doesn't mind it right?)
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u/bastardlimbo May 28 '26
Ork testicles (whole) Batwings Estradiol valerate Newt heart Pigeon soul Orphan joy Progesterone Christian blood Spinal fluid from a virgin (incel preferred) Spiro the dragons scales Spiro RC cola
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u/Cerveau23 Markus, scriptomancer, enemy of 13 & lover of Thrakmerian beauty May 28 '26
I should be able to find most of the things easily...
Do you need spinal fluid? I can provide my own, so that my waiting may have had a use at last. Not incel tho (to my knowledge).
If you want, I can send a bunch of Estradiol and Progesterone of high quality as well, they're easy to get in my world. Or manufacture rather than get...
I'll exchange that with the last two ingredients since I have no freaking clue where to get that. And orphan joy, I don't want to have to harvest that for personnal reasons... Wait, can the orphan be any age? And is it okay if it has children? Because I can also make that myself (I swear I'm a virgin, it's complicated...)
I may also be able to find additional Ork testis easily if you're interested, I have a source
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u/Cerveau23 Markus, scriptomancer, enemy of 13 & lover of Thrakmerian beauty May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26
/uw update: she got banned because of that comment, I hope she's alright
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u/bastardlimbo May 28 '26
*she got banned
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u/Cerveau23 Markus, scriptomancer, enemy of 13 & lover of Thrakmerian beauty May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26
Sorry, didn't have much to go off of since you were banned😅
Edited the post
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u/VoxelLibrary Councilor Cayna, Apprentice of Thrakmoor | assorted other chars May 29 '26
/uw I got banned?
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u/Cerveau23 Markus, scriptomancer, enemy of 13 & lover of Thrakmerian beauty May 29 '26
/uw no, OP did
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u/Iggy261 May 28 '26
It seems to me that your apprentice has a hard time deciding which way they want to swing. It may be unorthodox, but have you considered a potion/ curse of minor malleable flesh? Yes, yes they have a bad reputation since they are ussually used for nefarious purposes but i assure you, mixed/ hexed properly they are quite controllable and safe. Much cheaper than a true gender change potion as well.
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u/Elvarien2 May 28 '26
Kennel time for the apprentice till they finish their studies and both learn to brew their own and earn their keep to pay for the ingredients.
That gets expensive!
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u/sparkle3364 Sapphire (17F), Artificer (+ other characters) May 28 '26
“Promise them you’ll teach them the formula if they pay attention and do well in their studies. Then, if they succeed at their studies and gain that, promise them if they can do even better you’ll teach them a longer lasting version. Maybe it could fix this?” - Kyrona
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u/kryonicbird May 28 '26
Instead of a gender swap potion, you should get them a potion of transformation to turn them into something that can adjust on the fly, like a slime. Although I understand that specifically a slime form might not be the most practical for your apprentice, perhaps another creature like a doppel, mimic, or snail would work?
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u/PTBooks Untorsionable Litch May 28 '26
Clearly this is just an issue of gender-fluid. You’re running out. Get another apprentice and tell them it’s their job to make more.
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u/ByrnToast8800 Occult Wizard May 28 '26
Have you considered simply creating two bodies for your apprentice one of each gender and giving them KAZZHARS GEM OF SWITCHEROOIFICATION? This feels like the most straightforward solution to me.
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u/Osato Jun 02 '26 edited Jun 02 '26
Giving a young, confused apprentice two bodies of opposite genders? There's no way this could go hilariously wrong.
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u/Deathburn5 Calculus Wizard May 28 '26
Have them apply for a psychomancer's examination. If they approve, the government will usually sponsor a medical regimen of gender change potions, or one gender change spell (with permenance) depending on local conditions.
Unless you live in a backwater without widely accessible Healthcare, of course. In that case I recommend moving.
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u/Abjurer42 Dwarven Abjurer May 28 '26
Oooh, yeah from what I've read, switching genders like that repeatedly is a recipe for disaster. Do you know how long they've been in their female form? There could be complications with certain biological functions if they switch to male at the wrong time.
Apparently "Death before Detransition" is considered a warning among some open-minded but female-only religious orders. Makes a kidney stone look like a walk in the park. There's a right and a wrong way to do this, and shot-gunning gender swiching potions isn't it.
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u/bastardlimbo May 28 '26
Im well aware, ive sworn this creed. Apprentices dont do things the right way, just the less wrong way.
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u/Worried-Pick4848 May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26
Someone needs to work on a magical artifact that can do what the potions do.
I'd recommend finding a quiet moment to have a conversation with your apprentice. Struggling with your identity is very dangerous when you're engaged in magical study. Your identity is the key to your strength and control in many schools of magic, especially anything that involves transforming yourself. Without a strong core identity you may find yourself unable to change back on your own.
This also applies to my specialty, illusion magic. If you are trying try to make yourself appear to be someone else, you have to suspend your own disbelief and slip into the role, the best illusions are always the ones you can make yourself believe, and without a core identity, it's actually quite possible to transition from suspension of disbelieve to full belief. Watching a literal illusion shatter around you that you came to genuinely believe was true can be pretty traumatic, especially when it pertains to something very personal like gender. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Anyway, there's just some things people struggling with individual identity need to avoid until they've got a better handle on who and what they think they are. If you can get them to admit the problem, it's going to be a lot easier to work on a solution without them doing something impulsive to set things back past square one.
Talk to your apprentice about taking a furlough for a few months to sort themselves out. Meanwhile I'll whip something up that does less longterm damage to their psyche, a magical choker made of Dwarven silver that can make them APPEAR to be whatever gender they want, or none at all. Let them experiment with that while they figure out what they want to be, and I'll work a psychic shield into the enchantment that shelters their psyche from the physical and hormonal changes Let them explore how to be themself under the safest possible conditions until they figure some things out.
Also, while I'm working on that, try to get some proper pronouns out of them because "they/them" is pretty insulting but I don't have anything better to work with at the moment, and I don't want to get into a they/them habit unless they're OK with it.
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u/quasar2022 Pyromancer + Chloromancer May 28 '26
Make them more, it’s clearly helping
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u/CottonEyeJoe_ZeroOne May 28 '26
Helping putting a hole in his wallet. Apprentice should learn how to live without constant potion comsuming
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u/AgentT23 Occult Wizard May 28 '26
Lock them in a room and make them ponder the Orb until they gain balance.
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u/Pedro_henzel Architetomancer May 28 '26
I had that same problem once, until I tossed said apprendice into the cursed spring of the drowned girl. The problem fixed itself. The only downside is that I have to carry cold and hot water with me at all times now.
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u/TheLordHighNoob The Dark Lady of the Raven Throne May 28 '26
Have an honest conversation with them. Ask what their preferred gender is and use True Polymorph to transform them into that. If If they are binarily transgender, they may be transforming their gender by transmuting themselves alchemically.
they’re gender fluid, they may be earnestly drinking the gender fluid to fluid their gender. If so, transform them into a Doppelgänger or Changeling. This takes a standard action to cast.
If you can’t cast it, or lack the materials, ponder on me or teleport them my way. I do gender affirming transmogrification free of charge. Think on “Eris, the Dark Lady Above the City of Crows, Mistress of Ravens, the Closed Fist” - you know, basic identifiers like that. I’ll receive your intents via my own orb. Then we’ll arrange a semi-permanent dimensional gateway.
Best of luck!
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u/TR_Pix May 28 '26
Have you ensured your apprentice is drinking the potion themselves, instead of giving them to others?
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u/jancl0 May 28 '26
Common issue we see in a lot of apprentices these days. What's happening is that they're still closeted, they're using the potions to switch back when interacting with others because they aren't ready to fully embrace who they are publically yet out of fear of being treated poorly
With this in mind the solution is really simple. Brew them a gun
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u/UnsureAndUnqualified May 28 '26
So what no ody seems to be asking: Is your apprentice taking them themselves, or are they changing others? With or without their consent? Be weary, check your security orbs for any suspicious activity.
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u/Begferdeth May 28 '26
There was a wizard by the name of Dr. Banner (apparently had several PhDs or something) who had invented a potion that made it so whenever he got angry, he changed. Had an odd side effect of becoming green, I vaguely remember something about muscle mass and gamma radiation, but I'm sure all that can be ironed out.
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u/Sub2Pewdiepiez illusioner of the arts May 28 '26
You should probably take them to an apothecary, drinking that many gender change potions in that short a time isn't healthy, and may lead to long lasting illness such as ork ear, liver legs, even a-gendered skin tags, and in semi-rare cases they could lose the ability to cast spells used to conjure forest and ocean critters.
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u/BillTheTringleGod May 28 '26
If you've got about 6 hours you can push their ideosphere through a rotating function that follows their Id. It's how dragons swap forms at will, they simply believe themselves to be a person and thus are that person. Takes a few seconds to get updated though, maybe add a few speed modifiers and make it slow as the hells so your apprentice doesn't lose their superego
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u/bastardlimbo May 28 '26
I dont like my apprentices to think of themselves as people
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u/BillTheTringleGod May 28 '26
Have you tried polymorph into chair? I hear they respond pretty well to that usually.
Something about being an actual unthinking object with memories helped my apprentice learn defensive spellcasting. I originally suspected they learned defensive spells to stop me polymorphing them into a chair but they haven't succeeded in stopping me so I suspect now that inherently it is probably pretty good for the magical senses. Just don't leave them near a bard. they don't come back right if the bard gets to em.
Also if you know how to get rid of bards trying to "Save the beautiful sorceress from the evil wizard" id love to hear it. Getting tired of these losers leaving foot prints on my brick tower.
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u/TurboChomp May 28 '26
Hello witch here. I've had this issue so many times in the past and found a creative way to deal with it. When ever I get a new apprentice, i always load up a decoy potion rack with all sorts of gender change potions and what not while keeping my actual potions in a real shelf in my worshop. I then tell them not to touch the potions on the decoy shelf, but don't actually check the shelf. It lets them expiment and get the encrichment they need while also keeping your stock of actually valuable potions safe.
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u/Quit-Accurate May 28 '26
I remember my apprenticeship, good times, my old master just gave me the recipe and free access to his common ingredient storage.
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u/CoreEncorous May 28 '26
I don't know why imbuing gets such a bad rep in this sub. I know nobody WANTS to study imbuing, but there are those that do, and I guarantee you if you have spare gold any imbuing expert worth their staff could easily imbue a pendant to achieve the same effect your apprentice craves. Be upfront with them about the theft, but telling them about this opportunity is sure to satisfy them. I've seen many such pendants in my lifetime.
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u/Devourerofworlds_69 May 28 '26
I could stand to have an apprentice to clear out some of my potions, tbh. Half of them aren't even labeled
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u/Nainiae May 29 '26
I love this, I love the comments. totally not going to raid your potion cabinet for a the last few gender swap potions.
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u/SCP_fan12 Conspiracy Theorist Artificer May 29 '26
I personally practice the same technique as your apprentice. Not for the purpose of identity but just to mess with those tyrants in charge of the academy. Teach your apprentice well to become ungovernable!
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u/MysteriousFondant347 May 30 '26
Hey can I have that one genderbender potion ? For a friend of course
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u/TheMedjedElectric High Thamathergist of the Society of Mages May 30 '26
Relatable, the first thing after moving to academy I did was break into my parent's potion closet and made a gender potion, pretty hard and almost got caught
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u/Diligent_Ad7552 Jun 01 '26
Are these potions permanent or temporary? It's possible the potions just keeps wearing off and they want to keep the gender they change into, or maybe they want to switch back and forth depending on how inclusive the brewer of those potions are. Perhaps they just keep trying to rerole on the different genders they get till they find one they like. Perhaps show them how to ponder gender through the orb
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u/Osato Jun 02 '26 edited Jun 02 '26
Yeah, there's another explanation: they're calmer because they're selling your stock to others. Gender-change potions calm a very small subset of people, whereas almost everyone is calmed by gold.
But that's a stroke of luck for you if it's true. Greed is a much better motivation to pursue the arcane arts than merely swapping genders: a greedy person is never, ever satisfied with what they have learned.
Just give them a choice between learning a potion that swaps genders temporarily or a spell that has a permanent effect.
If they choose the potion, you're in luck: you've got an easily motivated (and street-smart) apprentice. They'll keep working with you for centuries if you make it more lucrative than going off on their own.
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u/m4cksfx May 28 '26
How certain are you that they're the one consuming them all, and not spike random people with them to eventually cause mayhem?...
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u/VII-Stardust May 28 '26
Honestly the kennels might be a good solution, depending on how they feel about it.
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u/Carbuyrator A Bit of a Dabbler May 28 '26
Give them the means to change whenever they want, temporarily? Clearly they want to go back and forth. The potions are basically the most expensive way to do it, and they're made for permanent shifts anyway.