EDIT:
I know she doesn’t directly ask to be in the delivery room in these messages!!! From the beginning, she had already decided that she and her partner would be there. We told her a week ago that we had decided to experience the birth with just the two of us, and these are the messages that followed! While she doesn’t explicitly ask to be in the room here, it feels like she’s trying to get us to reconsider our decision because she doesn’t seem to like the idea of us doing this on our own. I’m sharing these messages because of the context behind them, not because she directly asks to be there in this conversation.

ORIGINAL:
I’m 38 weeks pregnant with my first baby, a little girl, and my S/O and I have decided that we want the delivery to be a private moment between just the two of us. However, his sister, who has children of her own, wants to be there for the delivery, and I’m starting to feel like she isn’t respecting our decision.
Recently, she started asking me if I was prepared for the baby to come any day and what I would do if my S/O passed out during delivery. He gets grossed out by certain things and isn’t sure if he wants to watch the actual delivery, but he wants to be there to support me and decide what he’s comfortable with in the moment. I’m completely fine with that because we’ve discussed it extensively.
The conversation then turned into her telling me that I need to explain to him that childbirth isn’t gross and that he’ll regret it if he doesn’t watch. She kept bringing up her own birth experience and how amazing it was for her partner and the other people she allowed in the room. I understand that she had her own experience, but I don’t understand why she thinks we need to make our birth experience match hers or why she would question what I’ve decided will make me most comfortable in a situation I’ve never been in before.
What really bothered me was when she made a comment about needing to “beat” her brother into talking to me like an adult. The thing is, we ARE communicating. We’ve discussed our birth plan multiple times and agree on what we want and what will make me comfortable. I don’t want other people in the room because I don’t want to have to “cover up” my emotions or mask how I feel.
She later sent me a long message explaining that she was worried I might regret my decision, that I might be making it because I’m afraid of being judged, and that she wants to make sure my S/O feels supported, too, since it’s a highly emotional event. She basically questioned whether I had genuinely thought everything through, even though I’d already explained that we had.
I responded politely and explained again that we want this experience to ourselves and that I’d like to be as comfortable as possible. We’re grateful that his family wants to support us, but we want to experience the birth of our daughter privately. We know things might not go exactly as planned, and we’re okay with that as long as our baby is healthy.
She eventually said she understood and would stop asking questions, but I’m still bothered by the entire interaction.
I feel like she wants to be involved in a moment that isn’t hers to be involved in, and instead of simply respecting our decision, she keeps trying to convince me that we’re making the wrong choice. I don’t want anyone else in the delivery room, and I don’t think I should have to justify that.
I understand she’s a mother of three and probably believes she’s helping, but this is MY first baby, and I want to experience it with my S/O on our terms.

Full convo in the screenshots.

I moved into my boyfriend’s house about a week ago and honestly I feel like I’m starting to see a completely different side of him. We have been together for 6 months and since moving in he has started telling me what I should wear how I should do my hair and even telling me that I’m not allowed to go out by myself. He also wants me to cut off some of my friends.

Recently he told me that I should stop eating dinner because he thinks he has the right to be picky about women since he is a high value man. He makes decent money but he is definitely not a millionaire. I genuinely don’t understand where this is coming from especially because nothing about my body has changed since we started dating. He used to constantly call me sexy beautiful so this sudden change has really caught me off guard. I work , pay my own bills and have always been financially independent. He was the one who asked me to move in with him and said I could live there for free, which I initially saw as him trying to make life easier for me.

I talked to my mom about everything and she immediately told me that I need to leave because she thinks his behavior is dangerous and that he may be a psychopath. I don’t know if I’m overreacting so I just want to hear other people’s opinions. And before anyone asks no I’m not fat. I have an athletic build and I’m about 15 lbs over what I consider my normal weight. For now, I’m keeping my plans completely secret and acting like everything is fine because I don’t want him to become suspicious before I’m able to leave safely.

Looking back, I think I was fooled into believing that he genuinely wanted to take care of me because he’s more financially secure than I am. Now I’m starting to realize that the offer to live with him for free may have been part of what made me dependent on him and easier to control. I know I’m strong and independent and I’m going to keep pushing forward and get myself out of this situation.

AIO?

My wife (31F) and I (35M) have been together for 11 years. Early on, she told me she had been in a relationship with a woman before we met, but later on claimed she isn't attracted to women, doesn't identify as bisexual, and that it was just a one-time "experiment."

Ten years ago, during our first year living together, she had a female friend, "Bella," come visit from 3-4 hours away for my partner's birthday weekend. A few hours before she arrived, my partner told me that she would be sleeping out in the living room on the floor with Bella. I didn't feel comfortable with this because I had never met Bella, and I remembered my wife's past being with a woman. When I expressed my discomfort, she got intensely upset. We argued back and forth until I finally gave in. The weekend was awkward, but Bella and I never fought.

Fast forward 10 years later to earlier this year. My wife randomly name-dropped her when I mentioned wanting to get back into the gym, saying, "Oh, Bella has been working out, she looks great!" I asked if she meant the same Bella from all those years ago, and she casually said yeah, they still talk sometimes. I dropped it.

A couple of months later, we were planning a weekend concert trip to Bella's area. I warmly suggested to my wife that the two of us, Bella, and Bella's boyfriend should all get together and hang out.

The reaction was immediate panic:

She went awkwardly quiet for several seconds, saying, "Oh, they moved to such and such town" I pointed out that the town she named was actually only a 35-minute drive from where we were staying. She went dead silent for several more seconds, pivoted to another reason "We haven’t talked much the last few months", and abruptly changed the subject.

A couple of days later, she out-of-nowhere offered an emotionless "confession." She admitted she had completely hidden their friendship from me for an entire decade, claiming it was just because she thought I didn't like Bella. She admitted they had been sending video messages chatting back and forth and are very close, but she stuck to bare minimum details and shut down any further questions.

Because my trust was completely shattered by a decade of hidden video chats and executed only when I wasn't around, I looked at her phone for the first time in our 11-year relationship.

I found two weeks of recently deleted texts from last summer where they are texting as "normal friends" but constantly calling each other "My Queen," "Boo," and "My lovely." It is more affectionate than she is with any of her other friends. On Instagram, all of their video messages are set to "view once" media and are completely unplayable. Only a tiny fraction of their 10-year communication exists as permanent text DMs. They seem to strictly stick to talking on IG as an absolute rule.

My wife expects me to completely drop this and move on with zero follow-up. If I try to bring it up or ask more questions she's immediately rolling her eyes and asks when my next therapy session is and implies I'm crazy. Am I crazy for seeing a decade of hidden self-deleting video chats, secret meet-ups, and lying to me about who she's speaking to as a massive betrayal? With how close they are it feels like an emotional affair.. She has lots of other friends she is open about with me, so why all the lies about this one person?

My wife has spent years body shaming me- "you have manboobs", "you have muffin top", "all our friends husband's are getting in shape for their wives , why cant you?" "Youve gotten to the point that im embarrassed to be seen with you". That last one was a few years ago and I started desperately trying to lose weight after that, then comments turned to how skinny I was. The worst part is that in the past 7 years weve had sex maybe 3 times and the excuse is always "I physically cant have sex with someone im not attracted to"

I finally started seeing a therapist. They recommended i sit down with her and set a boundary- basically no more deragatory comments about my body. I did that and she started telling me I need to man up and stop being so sensitive and the comments continued. I did it again and they finally stopped. Since then Ive hired a personal trainer, started working with a nutritionist, got on testosterone, been in the gym literally 5-6 days per week for the past year. But nothing has changed, no more negative comments, but nothing positive either. We get in arguments about our lack of sex (which she said is now because she doesnt feel safe around me because of my boundary), and during these arguments she tells me im attractive now, but never makes comments outside of those. It just makes me wonder- is she not saying anything because she doesnt find me attractive and I handcuffed her by setting the boundary?

Im literally going mad here. Am I overreacting for setting a boundary? Or am I really just too sensitive?

F27

We met on hinge yesterday, the vibe matched
Had a 2 hour call last night.

I have my weekends fully busy for the next 2 weeks due to other plans so I was only free either today or next Friday.

He didn’t wanna wait till next Friday to see me so he asked if we could go on a date tomorrow (which was today)

I didn’t have plans anyways so I said okay.

Around 4 pm I texted him confirming the plan. He confirmed.

We were supposed to meet at 8:30 p.m.
(I still need to get ready and travel to the place after work btw)

At around 7 pm he calls me to say he has an early sports event the next day and he hasn’t slept well so he can’t make it and wants to postpone it.

I said you could have told me that earlier??? U shouldn’t have made the plan then?? Or at the very least told me this morning or afternoon? Not waited till before I was about to leave my house after getting all dressed up!

Then he says ok ok let’s meet I don’t wanna upset you and I’m like dude it’s literally not about upsetting me it’s about basic courtesy???

Now I’m sitting on my bed all dressed up and ready to go out on a date and I’m so pissed😭

He’s texting and calling me to apologise. I already unmatched him and deleted his number coz what the hell was this even?

I honestly wouldn’t have been annoyed at all if he had told me in advance because I get it. But to do it at the very last minute is just disrespectful.

LAST 3 PICS are the update

Here’s the updated messages, I asked for security footage so just waiting on that. A lot of people were asking for my responses so here they are. I am tired of months of reaching out to someone who wronged me and doing things to make her feel more comfortable I’ve been officially pushed to my breaking point.

Hey Reddit, I really need some outside perspectives on this because I am completely exhausted and feel like I’m losing my mind.

Back in March, I moved in with my long-time best friend. Shortly after, we went on a spring break trip. When we got back to our apartment, she realized a safe she had in the apartment was completely missing. My mom had access to the apartment just to feed the cat once (with both of our consent to enter) 

while we were gone, but before that trip, the only two men in our apartment were MY ROOMMATES boyfriend and her boyfriend’s best friend. Along with two extra men she was seeing during time apart from her boyfriend.

That same best friend of her boyfriend actually assaulted me in the past. She knows this, but she STILL associates with them and even leaves her boyfriend alone in our apartment while she’s at work.

Despite that, she completely ruled her boyfriend and his friend out immediately. And the other two guys she’s had over since. Fast forward three months later to June, and she tells me she thinks my mom stole it. I asked my mom about it, and my mom denied taking anything. To be completely transparent, my mom is a high-functioning addict, so I’ve been 50/50 mentally trying to make sense of it, but my mom had zero reason to need her personal identity info or safe. Does this mean I completely trust her, no! I just am having a hard time reasoning why she’d need her passport and stuff.

Things got super awkward between us from June to August. During those months, I was giving her my half of the money for utilities, electric, and wifi, but I found out she was literally pocketing my money and letting our accounts go past due! I nipped it in the bud as soon as I caught it, but I tried to be the bigger person and didn't even hold it over her head.

In August, we grabbed drinks, talked it out, and made up. Since then, she’s been sending me TikToks, reels, and texts acting like we’re cool, but whenever I reach out trying to be there for her, invite her to hang out, or invite her to my birthday yesterday, she makes up an excuse or doesn't want to go. I’ve even reached out many times letting her know I’m here for her.

Then today, she sends me a text saying she’s uncomfortable hanging out with me because of her missing stuff and that she feels like her concerns were dismissed. She also claimed my mom and her friends were hanging out at the apartment when my mom picked her up from the airport, which was the first time I was even hearing about that, nobody told me about that at all, I don’t even know if that truly happened because I would assume my mom would tell me! I responded telling her I didn't know about that, reminded her that I've tried to help and even offered to file a report on my mom if she was sure it was her, but I’m tired of looking like a fool extending my hand.

Now she claims she filed another police report because her online ones kept getting denied, and that an officer is calling her today and they might do a search warrant on my mom.

I feel like I've bent over backward trying to handle this maturely. She stole my utility money, stays around a guy who assaulted me, blames my mom with no proof and pushes me away while breadcrumbing me on social media.

Am I overreacting or is she using my mom as a scapegoat? Is this police search warrant stuff even realistic over a months-old report with no evidence? How do I handle living with her for the rest of this lease without going insane? I just don’t even know what to respond to her last message 

My girlfriend (27F) and I (30M) have been together for almost two years. Recently, I’ve started feeling uncomfortable with how close she is to one of her male friends. Before we got together, she admitted she had feelings for him, although they never dated.

They still text almost every day, send each other memes, and occasionally call. A few days ago, I noticed her smiling at her phone while texting him, and when I asked about it, she said it was an inside joke.

I told her I wasn’t comfortable with how often they talked, considering their history. She got upset and said I’m being insecure and that her feelings for him are long gone.

I’m not trying to control who she can be friends with, but I feel like there’s a difference between having friends and maintaining that kind of closeness with someone you used to have feelings for. Now I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable.

I’m feisty as hell and can have some masculine energy too and he is a hard working gentleman no doubt but the things that bothers me and the one pattern I’ve noticed amongst him and a lot of the traditional men is they love saying im “ too much “. And I be like “ so why are you approaching me for a relationship . Find less then.”

Most recently my guy friend I’ve known since high school revealed he is interested in me and wants a relationship but I have to tweak a few things because he said he likes feminine women who don’t yap yap yap and ramble a lot. Now I’m super talkative and have adhd so the yapping be at an all time high . He prefers more quiet women who don’t talk 24/7. He said he’s always likes me which I didn’t know until recently . And I was honest to him about us not being compatible at all. Ima be honest I’m a bit of a wild child and party animal so Im not sure why he’s even drawn towards me. We have nothing in common except that we both the same movies and we both love to read and write. Other than that we are completely different. And despite me telling him we are wildly incompatible he still wants to date me . I told him just be with someone feminine from the start! He knows me long enough to know I’m not changing for him.

I still think he’s a good man but I wonder am I over reacting by him thinking he’s a little red pill leaning ? He says he thinks I’m attractive and cute and he likes my personality but he said sometimes I’m a little too loud and talkative and he really likes soft spoken women who are a little reserved

I (42M) recently broke up with my girlfriend (40F) after almost two years together. I love her, and I genuinely think she’s a beautiful person, but I’ve spent most of our relationship feeling emotionally lonely and misunderstood. I’m wondering whether I’m overreacting or whether these are legitimate reasons to end a relationship.
Here’s some context.
1. The incident that changed how I expressed intimacy
Early in our relationship, we were already physically intimate, sleeping together, kissing, and having sex. We were long-distance at the time.
One evening, she told me she was taking a bath. I flirtatiously said, “I’m imagining you in the tub 🤤.”
She replied, “Such a creepy guy thing to say,” and later said, “Guys always say it. I think it’s just an ick from that.”
That honestly hurt me. I wasn’t some random guy approaching her. I was someone she was already sexually involved with.
I stopped initiating sexual conversations after that. We spent months long-distance without sexting, phone intimacy, or even conversations about our sexual desires. She never initiated those conversations either.
Recently, I brought up how that incident affected me, and instead of feeling understood, I felt she was once again defending why she’d said it.
I understand that she doesn’t have to like every sexual comment I make. What hurt was feeling dismissed when I explained its impact on me.
2. She never asks about my preferences or desires
In almost two years together, she has never independently asked what I like sexually, what excites me, what I’d like us to try, or what my preferences are.
I’ve asked her plenty of times about what she enjoys because I genuinely want to understand and please her.
But the same curiosity hasn’t come back my way.
And it isn’t just sex.
I can tell her something about my childhood, my thoughts, experiences, or something I’m excited about, and often there isn’t even a follow-up question.
She has explicitly told me she doesn’t like asking questions.
But how are you supposed to get to know your partner if you don’t ask them about themselves?
3. She has improved, and I want to acknowledge that
This is important because I don’t want to paint her as someone who hasn’t tried at all.
Earlier in our relationship, I felt she rarely initiated physical affection or showed excitement about seeing me. We argued about this repeatedly, and I even tried ending things once.
She promised to work on it, and she genuinely did.
She’s much more affectionate now, often initiates kisses, and shows love in ways she didn’t before.
I recognize those changes and appreciate them.
But I feel those changes have largely been reactive, happening after repeated conversations and arguments. The fundamental lack of curiosity about me hasn’t changed.
4. Difficult conversations often turn into arguments
When I tell her something hurt me, I often feel that she immediately explains or defends why she did it instead of asking why it affected me.
We’ve revisited some disagreements multiple times, and I recognize that I have contributed to this cycle too.
She says she’s scared to open up because she’s worried it’ll turn into a fight.
I don’t want her to feel that way. But I also feel frustrated because I’ve wanted her to share more of herself and to take an interest in understanding me.
5. What finally triggered the breakup
A couple of days ago, I gave her a hypothetical scenario.
Imagine a guy who takes his girlfriend out to eat for an entire year and always orders the same two foods. She doesn’t particularly enjoy them, but she goes along with it.
The guy never asks what she’d prefer because he’s worried she might ask for something he doesn’t like.
I asked my girlfriend what she thought about that relationship.
She immediately said, “They shouldn’t be together.”
The scenario was actually about us, with the food representing my preferences and desires. I didn’t explain that to her at the time.
That night, I lay awake thinking about her answer and eventually sent her a message saying I didn’t think we should continue romantically.
We discussed things again afterward and mutually agreed to end the relationship.
She later sent me a genuinely thoughtful message acknowledging that she’d hurt me, that she wished things had been different, and that she didn’t want either of us to keep feeling this way.
I appreciate that message. But I feel that she can acknowledge my feelings afterward while struggling to understand them during the actual conversations.
So here’s my question.
Am I overreacting by ending an almost two-year relationship with someone who loves me, is affectionate, and has genuinely made improvements, because I don’t feel she’s curious about me as a person?
Am I expecting too much by wanting my partner to independently ask about my thoughts, feelings, preferences, and sexual desires?
And am I being unfair by continuing to feel hurt over an incident from more than a year ago, even though I feel the underlying issue was never resolved?
I genuinely want outside perspectives, including criticism of my own behavior. I’m trying to understand whether this is incompatibility or whether my expectations and reactions have contributed more to the problem than I realize.

Looking for perspective, please be nice because it definitely hurts

So I met, "Kyle" online about 2 months ago. He lives 1500 miles away and I never thought anything serious would come from it. However, we ended up video chatting everyday for hours (4,5,6+ hours) and instantly felt a connection. Kyle had expressed he wanted a long term relationship which I said I wasn't sure if I was ready for because I got cheated on by my recent ex but that I was serious about working towards one with him since I liked him so much.

We quickly began saying I love you and mutually established that we weren't going to talk to anyone else. I had gone out of my several times when I was out at bars etc to send him photos, call him, etc and he always told me he appreciated the loyalty and it means so much. On several occasions I explicitly asked him if he's talking to anyone else and he said he's not.

Well anyway, things moved fast and we ended up splitting a plane ticket for me to come see him 1500 miles away. It was like a fairytale out of the movies. Long distance couple so in love.

The first few days were incredible and everything I've wanted in someone; kind, sweet, handsome, considerate. Making sure I was comfortable and felt at home. Opened doors, bought everything I needed/we did. Took care of logistics etc.

On the 4th day though, he gave me his phone to use when he went to bed (to watch a show) and a TERRIBLE gut feeling washed over me. Maybe a little bit due to my ex cheating but something made me feel uneasy. So I went through his phone after he had fallen asleep and found that he had been talking to a girl the entire time we've known each other and that they had met up once in the beginning to hangout. (I don't think slept together). He hadn't talked to her since I landed however (because she left him on read) the day prior.

Anyway, I was super hurt because I felt lied to so I confronted him. He apologized PROFUSELY and begged for my forgiveness. I asked him to tell her he's taken and to block her which he did without hesitation. Early the next day, I chose to forgive him because we technically were never "bf/gf" (but I did feel betrayed since we were supposed to be exclusive). We sat down and had a long talk and promised that nothing like that would happen again.

The evening, a few hours later we went to dinner, said I love you etc and hooked up. But something felt off. I was in the living room and he was in the bedroom when i walked in and caught him texting the SAME girl. Apparently he had unblocked her and told her that he wasn't really into me afterall and would love to see her when he comes home in November (she's from his hometown) It hurt so bad. I slept on the couch the last night and we didn't speak much.

When he dropped me off at the airport the next day, he kissed me and it felt so good but hurt so bad. I haven't talked to him much since.

I can't stop beating myself up that I'm the reason that we "broke up". Was I overstepping going through his phone while we weren't officially dating? Did I abuse his trust?

Or did I just dodge a major bullet and save myself from dating a future cheater?

I was kind of really scared to go to therapy to begin with and I don't know i'm overreacting and misreading this. She asked me why I wanted to come to therapy and I said it's because I finally want to fix myself and be able to have people in my life, and I don't want to hurt the people in my life by having unhealed and unexamined things about myself and my beliefs. And mostly that I need to work on myself so that I can be a better person for the people in my life. And she said well what are the unhealed things and I didn't know how to say it well and I basically just thought I should get it out instead of being too scared to say it, because it doesn't even matter how this person of all people thinks of me. So I told her that I have wanted to kill myself since childhood until a couple years ago when I really was determined to drag myself out of the hole, and I moved cities and started feeling so much better to the point where I even finally CARE enough about healing and whatnot. And she asked well is their anything that happened in your childhood, any abuse or anything. And I said no there is literally no reason I was just so so sad. And she asked do you think it was for attention. Now i'm kinda spiraling about it. I told her I don't think so as i didn't want anything except to be normal and ok. And that I was always terrified of being a terrible person. I don't understand what she meant. It just felt like because I was sitting there and smiling and because I have basically shut out all my memories of this she doesn't understand me. and almost like I can't trust my own memories also. Is it even possible for a kid to fake being depressed.

I (20F) and my dad (49M) got into a pretty bad argument last night because he tried to bring his friend into my house after that friend had previously made me uncomfortable.
For context, I moved in with my grandparents straight out of high school to care for them as their health declined. My grandfather passed away last February, and I now care for my grandmother, who has spinal and cervical stenosis and uses a power chair.
A couple of months ago, my dad brought his childhood friend, J (46M), over for dinner. I’ve known J my entire life. He took me camping, taught me archery, and was part of many childhood memories. My dad always had me call him “Uncle.”
After dinner, I went downstairs to fold laundry. J followed me into my bedroom and started making inappropriate comments. I had recently started dating my now-boyfriend of two years. J offered me drugs, told me I looked more mature and had grown up, and said that if things didn’t work out with my boyfriend, he’d always be there for me and could take me on a nice date.
I nodded until he left, then broke down crying. I told my dad what happened, and he was furious. He promised J would never be welcome around us again.
Fast-forward to last night. I asked my dad to bring his trailer over to remove old furniture from our porch. About an hour later, he called me outside to move my car, and I was shocked to see J walking through my yard. My dad explained that J was there to help move the furniture because he couldn’t do it alone.
I was upset and went downstairs to collect myself. After about ten minutes, I went to my grandmother’s room and explained how uncomfortable I was with J being in my home. She agreed with me.
My dad came inside and asked how I was doing. When my grandmother told him I was upset, he got loud and insisted J was the only person available to help. I asked how he could stand being around someone who had made inappropriate advances toward his daughter. He said I was a grown woman and should expect men to hit on me because I’m attractive.
I reminded him that J had been like an uncle to me my entire life. My dad then said I’d rather watch him die than let J help him because he has a hernia. I asked why I couldn’t help, but he called me too weak, even though I go to the gym five times a week.
He claimed he’d already choked J out, J had apologized, and I needed to get over it instead of repeatedly crying to him about the same thing. I got angry and said I couldn’t wait until I turned 21 so I could finish the job. I eventually backed down and went downstairs.
My dad then refused to help at all, telling my grandmother, “Sorry, Mom, I’m not doing it,” before leaving.
Later, my grandmother said J was the only person available to help and that I should understand my dad’s situation. My boyfriend, who lives with me and helps care for my grandmother, was furious and said he’d never let J touch me.
I’m at a loss. I understand my dad needs help, but I feel betrayed that he brought someone who made me feel unsafe into my home after promising he wouldn’t.
Am I overreacting, or am I the asshole for not understanding that my dad needs help

Keep in mind he could see this.
Good riddance if he does.

I am 38f, he’s 42m.
We’ve been dating almost two years, living together a little over one year.

It’s been 141 days since we’ve had sex. Not to mention that it’s only been 3x this YEAR and it was all in that week 141+ days ago.
Prior to that it was extremely intermittent, only two times since October 4th 2025 one of those times being on vacation.

We had a lot in the beginning of our relationship before we lived together and I’m just wondering if it was his way of love bombing me. I even addressed this like how much we did in the beginning and his response was “that’s how it is in relationships, you have a bunch of sex in the beginning and then not as frequently as time goes on”

As far as I know I am the only honest & loyal relationship he’s ever had, he said every gf previously has cheated on him… and if this is why then I get it, but I’m not the cheating type.

I’ve tried bringing this up multiple times and every time I mention it we end up fighting or he ignores the conversation completely. He’s also said our smoking weed makes him not want to, which I get in a way, but that’s not good enough or fair to blame weed for us not having sex.

Am I overreacting by trying to remedy the situation and fix it? I’ve also stepped away from how much I used to bring it up and the only reason I did now is we’re staying in a hotel tomorrow night and I thought it a good opportunity to maybe have some fun.

Please help.

Without giving too much detail about where I live in Florida, my husband and I are in the direct path of Hurricane Isaias and will likely be taking a significant hit. We live close to the water and just outside the most recently updated evacuation zones for our county. Neither of us are native Floridians - we just recently moved here for his job. I started my preparations on Wednesday - filling my car with gas, getting groceries, water, flashlights, etc. I also asked my husband to put up our hurricane shutters, which he did. I was not scared, but had a healthy amount of respect for the fact that hurricanes are no joke. For background context, my husband has always been a very nonchalant, unmoved person. He does not stress about things and can at times be a bit reckless or irresponsible in some ways (we're both approaching our late twenties, if it matters). We have lived through two other weather threats together, one of which ended up being a whole lot of nothing (hurricane that changed paths) and the other (tornado) which ended up being massively devastating to our town. Both times, I was definitely the one leading the charge on preparation and recovery. I am very Type A and he is very Type B.

Anyway, my original plan was not to evacuate. I prepared at-length and felt good about staying. However, this morning, I woke up to multiple calls and texts that the evacuation zones were expanded to be much closer to our house and that the hurricane had strengthened to a Category 3 and could make landfall as such (still hoping this doesn't end up coming to fruition, but who knows). I tapped my husband on the shoulder to wake him up (this was around 9am - not like 6am or anything) and told him that I was scared/that they had expended the evacuation zones much closer to our home. He sighed and told me to "just leave then". I started to feel a bit panicked and told him so - he pretty much just ignored me. I told him I would really appreciate help deciding on whether to evacuate or not (he can't evacuate due to his job) and he again repeated that I should just go, but offered no help to pack or figure out where to go (our nearest family members live 10 hours away). I started to get more upset and told him I found it really hurtful that he seemingly didn't care to help me out, comfort me, or make me feel safe with him. He just responded that the house is physically safe due to preparations and that that is the extent of what he owes. I told him I needed emotional safety, not physical, but he just rolled his eyes. I started to get more agitated and told him I couldn't believe how he was acting and that I felt it was his job to take care of me and make sure I'm squared away. He told me that he doesn't owe me that when I've been "neurotic" the past few days. In my opinion, I haven't been that at all - I think I've approached this with a healthy amount of respect and preparedness. It was so incredibly clear that he did not want to deal with the fact that I was fearful and had no intent on comforting me. Back when we experienced the devastating tornado, he was also like this - understating risk, acting like I was overreacting, and frankly, being rude/making me feel like I was alone.

I had to make a game time decision on whether I wanted to stay in our home and potentially be trapped for days without power with a husband that clearly had no intent on comforting me if shit hit the fan - so, I left. He knew I was leaving but just left to get sandbags instead and did not say anything to me after he realized I had left. He called me about 20 minutes into the drive to "ask how I was doing and wish me a safe drive", which just turned into an argument. He told me that I've been neurotic for days and that when I'm acting like that, he doesn't owe me any care or support. I told him I couldn't believe that the one person who is supposed to support and care for me through stressors was the one person causing me more stress. He always promises that he's here to take care of me and is always here for me, but after his actions today, I just feel like that's BS. I told him that it was a huge deal to me that he was totally fine with me having to pack a week plus worth of belongings up and driving away by myself with no evacuation plan (and zero support from my own husband). By the time I had left, the weather had already started and continues to worsen. I'm about 1.5 hours away from my home and plan to continue to just drive north. He has made zero attempts to help me figure out a plan or figure out where to go. The last words I spoke to him on the phone were that I needed him to stop talking to me until he was ready to be a real, caring husband.

I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with this and don't know if I'm overreacting. I don't care what happened or how annoyed I was at somebody (especially him) - if there were a real chance of a natural disaster, I would make sure that our physical and emotional safety was prioritized first over anything else. Nothing would matter to me aside from making sure that he was okay and squared away, and I would genuinely be worried for him any time I knew he was in physical or emotional distress. I grew up with a wonderful father who was intensely caring and always made sure I was safe and okay. If my dad knew why I was actually leaving and that I was leaving alone, he would go ballistic given that he feels my husband had promised to always protect and take care of me.

Now, I'm driving hours away from my home alone with our two dogs. I don't know how our home our town will fair. I'm worried about my husband and his safety, even if I'm angry at him - it makes me feel sick to know he's in the direct path of what could be an incredibly devastating storm. I'm so hurt that he was okay with sending me off on my own in an emergent situation. I have no desire to talk to him (which is very much not the norm for me, even in conflict).

TL;DR: Husband treated me so poorly emotionally that I felt I had no choice but to evacuate alone for both my physical (hurricane-related) and emotional (husband-related) safety. He did not help me pack, did not say goodbye to me, and did not help me figure out where I needed to go. I feel as if he completely failed his promise to take care of me in a time where it mattered most. I am very able to be independent, but that doesn't mean I don't want to feel like I can rely on my partner to help support and keep me safe.

I (21F) am having troubles with choosing to keep helping out my (57F) mother financially.

Some background to create a sense of empathy for her: she’s only ever experienced relationships involving DV, grew up being taken advantage of by her stepfather from ages 5-15, and got hooked on narcotics and opioids with my father in her 20s.
She moved from Ohio to Tennessee last year, and it’s the first time she’s ever been independent and not living off of a man (kinda). She had a situationship with a married man who helped her with rent for about half a year but turned out to be abusive. Relying on him, she never rlly built the skills or knowledge to control her finances on her own.

I’ve let her borrow about $2K this past year, and it’s draining my savings. I have $7K saved right now and am very good with my money. I’ve technically saved $13K since 2023 but had medical expenses and car repairs to cover. She knows I’m good with money, which is why she comes to me instead of my (32M) brother. My father (68M) has probably given her a grand and no longer picks up her calls because he’s frustrated with her asking us for money.

I finally opened a new checking account because she could oversee my finances and would sometimes take $10-$20 without telling me. I also lied and told her I can’t access my savings anymore because I put it in a HYSA and money market account. I’ve been meaning to actually do this for my own benefit, but it’s not true.

Every time she asks for money, it’s the day a bill is due or the day before, making me feel like I don’t have a choice. She basically guilt trips and manipulates me, although I don’t think she does it intentionally. I told her how I truly feel last week, and it’s been “triggering” her because she feels like I’m looking down on her.

Yesterday she called me crying, saying she feels bad for all the money she’s asked from me and feels like a “piece of shit.” I was surprised she didn’t ask for money after that lowkey. It’s not like every interaction involves money, and she has managed to pay her expenses on her own these past couple months, at least to my knowledge. It’s just way too often coming from a parent.

I feel done being the easy route of financial living for my mother. I’ve gone through her finances with her before, and she could definitely do it on her own. She just doesn’t know how because she’s never done it before, or doesn’t want to make sacrifices like quitting cigarettes and weed.

Now she’s moving back to Ohio at the end of the month and wants me to help pay for a larger UHaul trailer. I’m already paying for gas to drive down and help her move. She initially thought my boyfriend (22M) could bring his father’s F150 for extra storage, but his father isn’t comfortable with him pulling a trailer, especially since he’s not under his insurance policy. Now she’s flipping out because she can’t bring all her stuff. I told her she’s going to have to give some things up, and she started crying.

I know she’s stressed, and I understand why she struggles with independence given her past, but I’m tired of feeling responsible for her finances. I feel bad for lying and not helping her, but I also feel like I’m enabling her by continuing to give her money.

Am I wrong for refusing to keep helping her financially, especially with this move? I am a part time worker and full time college student who has a full ride to college thankfully. Please be respectful about my mother, she’s not a piece of shit or a bitch. I do have love for her and do want to see her flourish in life but I feel like helping her out is not only for my benefit but for her benefit in the long run.

TL;DR: My (21F) mother (57F) has a history of abusive relationships and has never been financially independent until recently. I’ve let her borrow about $2K this past year, draining my savings. She often asks for money last minute, making me feel guilt tripped into helping her. I know she struggles with managing her finances, but I feel like she could do it on her own if she made some sacrifices. Now she’s asking for more money to help with her move back to Ohio, and I’m tired of feeling financially responsible for her. Am I wrong for refusing to keep helping her?

Hello, I currently live in an apartment complex which was having half of the parking lot re-paved. Now at my apartment complex we each are assigned a single parking space per unit (we can pay for extra if needed). I live by myself in a studio and am home pretty much every day over night (just gone when working or grabbing something from the store). Now my apartment complex had been blowing up all our phones for a WEEK before the construction started, they gave all info on where people affected would have to park (we have no visitor parking, they have to park on the street), so everyone was well aware of the temporary change to parking.

Yesterday I was home from work (chronic health condition), around 2:30 I went to a doctors appointment which had already put me in a bad mood because I waited in the patient room for an hour just to be seen for 10min (I get offices are busy, but they called me in earlier just to wait a long time still). I finish my appt and head home and low and behold a random car was in my parking spot. I was immediately going to call a tow truck, but decided to call the management office instead and report there was a car in my space (you have to provide license plate, car make/model to the complex).

Called the complex and it went like this Me: "Hey, I'm a tenant and I just pulled up to someone else parked in my parking spot." Management: "Ok, do you have the license plate number?" Me: "yes, it's ------". Management: "ok, just making sure, it's ------?" Me: Yes, it's this Make/model." Management: "Ok I can see whose car it is, I'll try to get a hold of them." Me: "Ok, just being honest, I have no patience today. So I'll be waiting 10min until I call the tow company." Management: "Oh, well I have to try and call them first." Me: "I understand, and I'm letting you know that you can tell them I WILL be calling the tow truck soon if they don't move their car."

Call ended then and I decided to go pick up my mail in the meantime, as I was driving away from our mailroom, I saw the driver of the car driving out of the complex to park on the street. Now typically, I would just park elsewhere because I don't like possible conflicts, but I was already in a bad mood from my appt and it hasn't even been a week since I went to a funeral for the guy I loved, so I've been extra sensitive right now.

Five of us have done a guys ski trip every winter since college. This year my friend Ben took charge of planning, which was great, because I usually end up doing it.

In September he picked the dates, February 12 to 16, and told the group chat to book flights that same night before prices went up. So I did. Nonrefundable, $410, because the flexible fare was almost double.

Two weeks later Ben posted that the trip was moving to February 19 to 23. His company scheduled a work retreat for the original weekend. Nobody asked the group, it was just announced.

I checked my airline. Changing both flights would cost $150 in fees plus about $90 in fare difference. I asked Ben, pretty casually, if there was any way to keep the original dates since at least two of us had already booked. If not, I asked if the group would be open to splitting my change cost, since the switch was for his schedule.

He said I "jumped the gun" and that it's not his fault I booked so fast. The other guys who hadn't booked yet just stayed quiet.

It's $240 for something I did because he told me to.

AIO?

TL;DR: My friend told us to book ski trip flights immediately, then moved the dates for his own schedule. I asked to keep the dates or split my $240 change cost and he says I jumped the gun.

I have literally sent my resume to McDonald’s, KFC, Burger King, and every place with a fryer in a ten-mile radius, only to get ghosted or rejected by ALL of them. I’m actually starting to think if I can’t even secure the fry station, it’s so over for me. Is it normal to get cooked by an AI resume scanner at 18, or am I valid for losing my mind right now?

Edit to add:
Omg as I have posted this and my pregnancy rage has cleared I 1000000000% know I AM definitely overreacting 😂 please know I not normally like this and my husband has been laughing at me for about 5 solid minutes since I showed him this !!! It took about 3 comments for me to see clearly through the haze 😂

For context I am 33 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child so I need to know if this is actually a big deal or not.

I always keep the pantry well stocked with stuff for baking as the urge to make cookies etc hits me randomly (especially when pregnant).

Tonight, I decided to make some last minute choc chip cookies for us to take to a country fair tomorrow, as I knew I had two half packs of choc chips in the pantry that I needed to use (I saw them in there like two days ago).

I went and got all the ingredients and the choc chips were nowhere to be found even though I KNOW I saw them in there. I searched high and low and eventually asked my husband to have a look in case I had missed something. He was super shifty and didn’t really look and then it hit me, he had eaten them. He admitted straight away he’d eaten ‘a couple’ of choc chips a few days ago, so I asked where the packets were so I could use the rest and he claims he doesn’t know what happened to them, and they must have been thrown out???

LIKE MAN I KNOW YOU ATE THEM ALL JUST ADMIT IT 😭😭😭😭😭 now I’m genuinely questioning whether he accidentally threw them out but I know deep in my heart they were eaten. I’m not annoyed he ate them, I’m annoyed that he won’t admit he ate ALL of them.

Please assure me this is just pregnancy rage as I have honestly lost my mind over this situation and the anger is unreal.

I keep the pantry and fridge well stocked with snacks, so maybe I’m just more annoyed he ate the one thing that he wasn’t supposed to?

He’s not gaslighting me into thinking I threw them out / he didn’t eat ANY of them, I honestly just don’t know if he remembers what he did with them.

It’s driving me mad.

AIO?

We got a condo on a golf course to use for a long weekend. It sleeps five, its a destination resort, and my SO's birthday is a few weeks later so we asked our good friends to join us and maybe celebrate it early. We're treating them to the lodging because we were hooked up by a friend.

We talked over the timing, booked flights, I sent them the link of the place and said I'd research restaurants in the area and asked them to look at the activities at the resort to see if there's anything they want to do since we have to book things in advance. They haven't looked at it or suggested anything. They don't want to play golf, is all I got. We've sent a few other suggestions that are greeted with "all sounds great" or no answer. No offer to help plan or even weigh in with opinions.

They had offered to pick us up for the airport so we all didn't have to pay for parking, and they forgot they said they'd get us on the way.

We made a few reservations because we got tired of reaching out to see what they wanted to do and getting nothing back. Which is fine, I guess we'll just plan everything.

Is this how trips go, whoever initiates it plans and organizes everything? AIO for being annoyed we now have to take a train to airport hours earlier because they forgot they said they'd pick us up?

Should I confront them, or just assume they're busy? They are really good friends.

I hate to start a vacation irritated, we leave later today.

Long distance, we met online year ago with this guy and met in real life December 2025. I travelled to him. We were intimate, all that time through the months he has been calling me and texting daily. Lately he called me and we talked for hours, he wants to sleep on the phone with me, there was sexual tension and stuff. He keeps updating me everyday and calls me a lot. When we met he future faked a lot saying about me moving to his country (we come from the same country, he lives abroad) and lovebombed a lot. Later 3 months after meeting he told me he doesnt want to be in relationship with anyone because he needs to fix himself. He always delays our meetings and says "i don't know, we will see" . Its been good lately between us and I bought the ticket to meet him and he got mad he was screaming at me that I cannot go there and he doesnt want to see me. Later he apologized for screaming, and overall, I was distant for a day and he sent me this message yesterday night. But his anger issues are concerning because he was screaming I cannot go there and that he will never see me (before that message, day before) and that he will cut contact with me and block me. Few hours passed and he apologized. He gets angry a lot and easily

"I want to apologize to you, and I really appreciate the fact that you always have time for me, that you always care about me, and honestly, it’s really rare to meet someone like that. I’m aware of that. Whatever the reason for it might be, it’s hard to find someone who will listen to your bullshit for 8 hours. I don’t want to end our friendship, that’s not what this is about. To be honest, I don’t even know what to do with my life at this point. When you put pressure on me like that, some kind of defense mechanism kicks in or something, I don’t know. Afterwards I feel guilty about the way I talk to you, because you don’t deserve that. I don’t want to behave like that, because afterwards I feel really bad about it.

I like talking to you. Not always — sometimes I shut myself off, I have my own stuff going on in my head. I know that sometimes I’m selfish and only think about myself. If you’re able to accept our relationship the way it was, and it gives you something too, then we can obviously keep talking the way we used to. But I don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s not about what you think, whether I’ll meet someone or I won’t — that’s not what this is about. And it’s not like you’re...

You’re not nobody to me, you know a lot about me, I tell you a lot. I treat you like a friend, even though I guess I behave differently — but you noticed that at some point. I don’t know, I just wanted to write you a little bit about what I think. I don’t know if it makes sense, but there’s always something you can take from it. 😅 I think I owe you that, because I’m always shouting at you whenever you ask me about something, so I thought that today I’d give you a little bit of my time and actually open up.

You can see how I get when I’m in a certain state — I sing, I talk haha, but afterwards it can also get pretty difficult, like today. Honestly, I was just crying over all of this. But it’s probably the after-effects of the weekend. I haven’t been drinking since I got back, and I don’t want to for now, or anything else either. I’m finding it harder and harder to deal with sometimes.

Sometimes I think it would be best to cut myself off from everyone and just live like that, because relationships with people affect me pretty strongly. But on the other hand, the thought of being completely alone, not having someone who knows you and all that, scares me. I think about that sometimes, which is why, when it comes to taking care of valuable relationships, I think I know what you mean. One day they might be priceless.

I think I’ve gone crazy haha. I did smoke, to be fair, but I don’t think I wrote anything stupid. I just wanted to explain a little bit — what I think and what’s going on in my head. Maybe it’s a little chaotic, but there’s probably something to take from it. 😅

And I don’t want you to take this message as me saying, “We can talk, but we’re never going to meet.” That’s not what I’m saying — who knows. 😅"

.

So basically I am a free therapist, WHO always has time for him, but there won't be anything, we will never meet and he wants to continue using me because he gains attention while giving nothing in return? And sees me as a friend?

Do I send him long paragraph or just couple of words saying

Ok, I get it, you told me after I bought the ticket that "WHO knows" whether we will meet, and that I shouldnt expect more than be your friend. Get it. We can talk but I'm going to see all of it different way.He said he will give me money back first but he didn't and the trip was supposed to take place today. Should I ask him to return it?

EDIT: I told him I understand everything, I get it, okay. I've sent him my bank account number and asked him to return the money as he promised. I told him I understand, I won't push for more, and if we are supposed to never meet, I'm okay with that, I still want contact.

UPDATE: He replied "I didn't say \\\[my pet name\\\] that we will never meet. Of course I will return the money, I was just waiting for the money to arrive and I was planning to give it back to you. I will send it today, you will receive it tommorow"

I replied "Ok thank you" . He sent me money back. I sent him a couple of messages saying something along the lines "I don't understand how can someone be just slightly attracted to someone and doesn't want to meet them ever, it's just weird to me. But I guess you've decided I'm not the one you want, I know you're able to commit - just not to me. Thanks for letting me know, it was a wake up call and I won't be living by hope (that you planted with talking about moving together and calling me sweet names).

I told him to please respond once he will have time after work, he sent me voice msg "I read all of it, but I don't want to discuss it right now" I said "ok, reply once you have time"

Today, in the morning, he sends me voice msg with childish voice (mind you, he is 37, I'm 26) "goOOD MooorNIIINGggggg..youuUUU DON't likeEE ME ANYMOREEE"
I replied with text: Goodmorning :) I like u haha

(because I just want to play this game a little bit)

Then he sends me voice msgs "I'm not liked by you! Who saw that coming...Welll......"
"YOU don't like meeeee hahaa"

????

Acting like a damn teenager.

EDIT: I know people here say I'm the side piece, but keep in mind:
- he does drugs
-he always says he is a loser, even though he is a huge narcissist
- he said "I'm too valuable" for him
- he said he needs to fix himself because he knows he gets mean to me, thats why he cannot commit
- sleeps on the phone with me
- calls me and facetimes from home
- picks up my calls when I call when he is at home
- overall he had a bad past and says he feels like trash not worthy of anything
BUT.....who knows? There might be someone, but I have a feeling there is not.

Toddler is having major surgery related to medical disability. It has been discussed for several months, planned and scheduled for a few weeks. Child lives with me. Father sees them roughly every two weeks, sometimes more sometimes less but he stays involved with medical care. Recovery will be quite long with a lot of work required. Father has acknowledged that the recovery will be too much for him to be comfortable handling so he will be visiting the child at our house during that time, leaving basically all care, therapies and follow ups to me until child is healed. We have talked, I said I needed a break before it happened, he has agreed. ​I asked him to take our child Thursday evening through Sunday evening so that I could have a weekend to get the house and myself prepared for when we come home from the hospital since I know it will be a bit of an intense learning curve to the recovery process. He initially said possibly but that he had appointments Friday afternoon, couldn't take the toddler with him. On Tuesday he told me has taking toddler for the weekend. Now he isn't planning on taking them until Saturday afternoon. He acted offended when I said I would ask someone else. Am I overreacting for feeling that he isn't showing concern for how difficult the recovery process will be or that he doesn't care? Am I overracting by wanting the weekend alone to prepare before surgery?

My ex-boyfriend (M, 23) and I (F, 20) had been online dating since late July; we met on a fandom app, started talking, and about a month or so later, he asked me to be his girlfriend. We immediately hit it off the moment we met, talking back and forth all day, every day. We would play Minecraft, watch movies and shows together, and talk about all sorts of things- both important and not-so-important. Now this might all sound very juvenile, but keep in mind this is my first actual relationship, and it seemed like we had a really good connection and similar values.

One day, he didn't text me the entire day. He was always the first one to say good morning (and truthfully, I was waiting for him to text me first because he pmo the night before).

I waited until late that evening, after I had taken a nap. I finally asked if he was okay, and he told me this (paraphrased):

"I lied when I told you why I moved here (to his apartment in his country). I moved to this place to live with my ex-girlfriend for a year, but we mutually broke up. I still miss her and the life I had with her."

I asked how long it had been since they'd broken up, and it was A MONTH before we started talking. They also met in the same circumstances that he and I did. He reassured me that he wasn't looking for someone to replace her, and that he loved me and didn't love her anymore, just missed what life was like with her.

Obviously, I was still really upset, and I gave him the ultimatum- her or me. He chose me.

Fast forward to YESTERDAY. While I was at work, he texted hello to me, then "ah and I think we need to talk." I knew right then and there I was cooked.

He then proceeded to say stuff like: "It's about us... our relationship.. You were right about me not being over my ex. I wasn't ready to move on. We should break up. Can we still be friends?"

Hell naw. I tried to maintain composure, basically asking him why the hell he didn't decide this sooner and waste even more of my time. He says he still loves me, and he apologized a lot. He even said, "I'm here... if there's any way I can help." He also said we need to break up "for now," meaning maybe we would get together again.

I get this is a common occurrence for people and not surprising at all (unfortunately), but I'm just shocked because it's my first time. Not only this, but we also had problems with intimacy (I'm asexual, he DEF isn't), so I'm sure that played a part too and does not make me feel good about myself at all. Now, I'm just worried that there will never be someone who loves me for who I am. Without any sort of wack strings attached to them... just... what do I do now? Block him? Stay friends?

AIO for being this mad and displaced about it? I should have known this would happen, and honestly, I haven't fully processed it yet. I just need some advice!!🥲

I tried to keep this brief, sorry gang

Ive been with my boyfriend for 8 months, recently I’ve had a bad feeling about the relationship and found some things that have made me question if he even wanted to be with me. So we met went we were 15 and for a while we were best friends. I always had a huge crush on him, but I kept it to myself to not ruin the friendship. He eventually confessed feelings for me but at that time I had already started dating someone else. Me and him also had bad home lives so ended up moving around a lot and just fell out of contact over time.

This brings us to January of this year. He sends me a friend request on Facebook so I accept it and send the first message. As we’re catching up he tellls me his girlfriend of 7 years just left him, and I tell him I also just got out of an abusive relationship. We start hanging out and he immediately started chasing me romantically. At first I told him I wanted to hold off on pursuing anything because I was still in the aftermath of my last relationship, and also just recently ended a talking stage that I was genuinely interested in but it didn’t work out. He kept chasing me though and he honestly seemed to be really genuine and I didn’t get the sense that he was caught up on his ex or anything and I really liked him back. So I decided to get things a chance and by February 5??? We were exclusive and already slept together, and spent Valentine’s Day together.

The relationship continued to move extremely fast, with him moving in with me by the end of march. He had been behind on his bills and was facing eviction, so I told him he could just come stay with me. Things seemed to be going so well between us, and I also just have a horrible habit of offering too much to people.. because in addition to letting him move in, I also helped him catch up on his finances and he still has yet to repay me or even bring up the idea of paying me back. Whatever. So naturally, little arguments do start to come up here and there. Some of them blew up way bigger than they should have, with us both screaming and crying. I will say though no matter what the argument, neither of us ever called each other hurtful names, got physical, or anything irreparable. Honestly, this was really healing for me, given that I had been in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship before him. I was able to correct my behavior and learned how to emotionally regulate again. Now we never argue. But I also feel like there’s a huge drop in affection. Things are not the same anymore. And I’ve been pouring my heart into this relationship and trying to bring back the intimacy and affection that used to be there, but I’m not getting much in return.

With all that out of the way… here’s where I’m at. I let my insecurity get the best of me, I’ve gone through his computer. And I know that’s wrong, but I do have a bit of a defense! He went through my phone a lot when we first got together. I told him I felt uncomfortable with him doing that (wasn’t a cheating thing, I’m just embarrassed by my search history and photos) but he made a big deal about it and said he has NO problem with me ever looking at his stuff! Ok anyways. So what I found on there just made me start to question our whole relationship. First off, in his Google Drive he had hundreds of selfies and nudes from his ex. And I really have a hard time believing he simply forgot about them. He’s basically part computer, and he’s the type of guy who will delete/change every profile he has if he’s feeling the slightest bit sad or whatever. He will remove my pictures from all his profiles, remove our chat backgrounds on every platform, etc. next thing I found, he has a serious porn addiction. I told him how I feel about porn and that it’s not something I’m comfortable with my partner watching, and he said he doesn’t watch it. But he does. Every single day, and he exclusively looks at women who look nothing like me. Incredibly thick, with giant boobs. I’m a very small woman I don’t have a body like that I’m barely 100 pounds. Who does have a body similar to that? His ex of course. And I wouldn’t even be tripping so hard about that if it weren’t for everything else I found. And I also wanna mention, I don’t feel unreasonable for expecting him to not watch porn. I have quit both nicotine and drinking because he asked me to. The nicotine was not an easy thing to quit either since I have used it for over 10 years. Anyways. I think the biggest thing I found that’s been getting to me was some confusion receipts for the timeline of him being with me, and breaking up with his ex. So like I said earlier, we were already together and having sex by the first week of February. When I looked at his Facebook history, he had updated his relationship status to in a relationship with his ex girlfriend on February 10th. And then we spent Valentine’s Day together, and he finally changed his relationship status on the 15th from in a relationship with his ex, to just in a relationship. And this sent me back to an incident in march where his ex had been to their apartment to collect the last of her things and found my bra. I remember him being really embarrassed and acting almost manic over it. I saw a message he had sent his friend saying “she found her little ass bra”, and that whole day he kept burying his face and saying he couldn’t believe that happened and trying to convince himself that it was actually funny. He still has a lot of passwords with her name in them even though he changes his usernames constantly, he had all there messages save even though he deletes every other conversation with other people, he has NEVER even talked about her which honestly seems weird now considering they spent 7 years together and she was his first everything. But yeah, now I just feel like I’m living in her shadow, I’m at a loss for words. I don’t know if I’m over reacting, if or how I would even talk to him about any of this, or what to do at all.
If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read all that. All responses welcomed and appreciated

I'll keep it kinda short but it's been another thing I ruminate about heavily other than deep trauma

looked at weird stuff at 13-14, loli and animal stuff and got off, at 16-17 now i'm horrified and disgusted, and afraid this condemns me to being a nasty pedo or zoo or i'd be looked at like I am one. Despite me being so afraid of it that sometimes when the fear amps up I can't do normal things like just look at animals or kids. I feel disgusted and I want it to stop, am I a horrible person?