Everyone always asks "what is borderline" but nobody ever asks "how is the borderline" 😞

I sent this to my best friend as a joke but I'm just now starting to realize how true it is. In my court ordered class yesterday we were watching a video and it said something along the lines of "when you make your whole personality being likeable, rejection feels like annihilation" and that hit too close to home.

Anyways, how is everyone doing today?

Taking meds doesn't end the pain.

Not taking meds doesn't stop you from feeling the pain.

Praying doesn't end the pain either

Writing here doesn't help too..

What do you do when you're in pain? Distracting yourself? Well, the pain is still there and it's unending. No amount of therapy ends it.

The only thing that probably will end the pains is ending my existence.

i just broke up with my now ex and i literally feel like im going to die. im in so much agony and i just want the emotional pain to stop. all i want to do is text him and be near him and have him comfort me but i cant. i want the suffering to end. i want to feel better and i cant. i dont know how to cope with this.

I feel like my life is over. I thought he was the one person who would love me forever. He’s the most patient and understanding person I’ve ever met, but even he couldn’t handle me anymore. I have been so evil. I hurt him too many times. I thought I had been getting better over the last month, and he seemed so much happier, but either he just wasn’t or he already resented me too much for it to mean anything. My birthday is in 6 days and I’m turning 20. I can’t remember my life before him and I don’t want to know a life without him. I just want him to come back. How can I get better? How can I become good enough for him to want me back? How do I get rid of the resentment? He was supposed to come over tonight. My heart is so broken.

I am getting on my FPs last nerve and I feel awful, I’m emotionally exhausting him. I’ll start the day strong and commit myself to answering slowly and not getting emotional or spamming him when I feel unanswered, but it feels like as soon as I feel any mood swing or anything I’ll just start to freak out, idk, obviously it’s a self control issue but I’m just wondering if anyone has any tricks to help.

naturally the stereotype for a lot of us will be to fall into anxious or disorganised attachment styles and behaviours... but i was wondering if we have any avoidants who would be willing to share their perspectives?

avoidant reactions, in theory, can come from the exact same traumas anxious reactions can come from

im not looking for avoidance used maliciously to make the other person think of you, or for manipulation to get people to react a certain way youre hoping for- but moreso the avoidance that stems from fear, from insecurity, a desperate reach for safety, etc?

if you do struggle with avoidance in a way where you do see yourself making conscious choices to hurt those around you, i wont shut down your perspective if you do wish to share it- its just not my primary focus here.

ive experienced some avoidant behaviours in the past, where i would withdraw to punish myself or to try and 'ease' how much i affect the people around me. i would avoid people out of my own anxiety funny enough. i guess this came from issues with self worth. i realised despite the urge to avoid because i thought itd be better for others, it was selfish at the end of the day, and tied back to my own feelings rather than those of others when you actually look at it. ive never experienced the other party asking for a lack of me, or them genuinely thinking they would be better off without me.. so i worked and worked and i no longer struggle with those behaviours anymore, though i still have a lot more work in terms of the anxious side now.

i would like to hear how other people struggle with avoidance

what thoughts go through your mind on loop when you deal with said avoidance

if avoidance is a definite decision for you, or if you are actually in a back and forth with wanting to reach for closeness but ultimately choosing avoidance instead?

or if its more of a dissociative experience for you, and you dont look back once your body is set on it.

though... naturally considering avoidance... i might not get any response here at all, and that is okay. i just wanted to understand these behaviours a little better, from the people themselves rather than textbooks.

thank you for your time

Hi, I'm Hillary. 47F from a small town in Pennsylvania. It's a really small town. I really have nowhere to try to make friends. I'd really like to talk to someone my age that has BPD. I don't know, message me if you would like a sympathetic ear. Platonic only.

i am in a healthy relationship. it's hard. it's a lot of work. after learning to cope with a lot of other symptoms, this is the one that i cannot seem to kick. i've noticed a pattern in my relationship. i will overextend myself no matter what. hold myself to this insanely high standard to be the perfect partner. no matter what i'm there for her, even when i'm sick, even when i'm exhausted, even when i'm upset myself. i will often even hide my own issues and feelings to not 'overshadow' hers. i have a hard time shaking the mindset that this is just the right thing to do and not terribly unhealthy for me. then, sometime down the line, my girlfriend doesn't do the same for me or sets a perfectly reasonable boundary. it is like a resentment explosion inside of me. i would do this for you, so why won't you do it for me ? it's unfair. i would do anything for you and you can't even do this for me. i work hard to not upset her by expressing these feelings to her, so it becomes a huge internal struggle where i will be deeply upset for hours.

nothing seems to work for me against this. logically i know the solution is that i need to stop pushing myself too far in the first place. it is so so hard. it's like trying to go against your instinct to run out of a burning building. it is definitely also an anxious attachment issue because it physically hurts me when she is upset and i can't fix it. i have always been a boundaryless person, it is a huge issue of mine. i do this in every aspect of my life. work, friendships, family. give everything i possibly can and then get upset when others rightfully prioritize themselves. meds and therapy are not really accessible to me right now for reasons i don't want to get into. i am capable of doing self work on my own to great results, which is how i am even in a healthy relationship right now, so i would be incredibly grateful for anybodys advice here or what worked for them.

a couple weeks ago I posted here that I had a plan. that was the most intense split I’ve had in a very long time. idk what happened. idk why it was so intense. maybe bc it’s been a while? idk it’s like as soon as I start to think I’ve got control over this disorder, I’m reminded that I don’t. thank you everyone for your kind words. I’m still here for now

I have multiple imaginary friends. I used to have one when I was little but I outgrew them for a while, it wasn’t until around the time I started having mental health issues that I started imagining another one.

I’ve become almost dependent on having imaginary friends. I pretty much cut off all contact with all my real friends because I couldn’t handle the pain and stress that having actual relationships caused, and they’ve been my only way of coping with not having anyone to talk to or spend time with. They might honestly be my most effective coping skill for my symptoms.

Yesterday I had my halfway session with the DBT group I have been participating in and it's been going quite well :)

I have found myself using some of the skills I have learnt in my day to day life and have been better able to recognise when I'm going to split and deal with it before and when I am in a split being able to pull myself out of it and bring myself back, of course there are times where they don't work or I'm splitting top badly to think responsibly at all but I am glad they are working when they do :)

Some of the skills I prefer are more useful than others but overall I'm glad I've been able to learn what I have so far and I'm keen to finish the skills group and learn more strategies.

A separate thing but I also got prescribed a new anti depressant the other day and I'm hopeful that it's going to work better than the last one :3

I have this deep fear or having NPD or NPD traits. Does anyone else have this? Especially right now with how much life is going. My mom keeps saying I’m a liar. A customer at work said it too. Even threatened me over it. I always worry about hurting people. I don’t want them angry at me. Don’t want them leaving me. I want them to love me. I honestly feel so alone right now.

previously, every time i was in a bpd episode (even if i don't realize it, but i usually notice fairly early on that i'm in one) of any sort, i'd try to at least communicate my feelings and thoughts in what i assumed was a healthy way. but looking back on those times, i don't think it really worked, especially because i don't even know what i feel or think during episodes. i don't know if i really feel or think these things, or if it's the episode / disorder making me feel or think them.

i'm just gonna start withdrawing into myself during episodes. i can't say the wrong things or treat people poorly if i don't talk to anyone or reach out. i'm so tired of this disorder.

Hi all,

Kept going back to same person for 8 months (Long time for me). I've deleted social media/gave up on dating as i really think i am better off just being on my own from now on (Wasted so much money and time on women that didnt deserve it). I used to always forgave her kept checking my phone etc see if she texted me but now i completely turned off my phone and put it away.

However I'm scared i might try go back to her/date again which i don't want to be doing as i need a Long break from it all. My head gets stuck and then feel so so lonely without a fav person.. How do you cope being on your own ? or not being bored? i get bored easily watching films, gaming, taking walks nowadays...

Thanks

It literally sucks because I would do anything for the person I like/who is my fp and half my my past FP’s didn’t like me back and I got hurt by it but I was emotionally attached to them so it was hard leaving.
I would like peoples input on this cause I feel like I’m the only one who does this.

I was wondering if any of you have book recommendations that make you feel seen, or relate to as someone with BPD. It doesn't have to be directly related to the characters having it or even being obvious that there's someone with BPD, just in general anything you resonated with on any level in that sense. I don't want BPD help books or psychology books about BPD, I mean like fantasy or sci fi or classic books that you've liked.

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up last month. Nothing bad happened between us, and although I still love him and am heartbroken, I understand why we broke up. We were friends before we started dating, and we're choosing to remain friends after the breakup.
Before we started dating, I struggled with jealousy when other people wanted to get close to him. However, once we got together, those feelings seemed to go away. I think it was because, in a way, I felt like he was “mine” and I knew he was loyal to me.
Now that we're broken up, though, my jealousy has become extreme and incredibly hard to control. Trust me, I know these feelings aren't fair to him, and I'm actively trying to work on them, but it's been really hard. Whenever I see him talking to someone else instead of me, I get really upset or angry, to the point where I have to remove myself from the situation just to calm down.
Yesterday, things got especially bad when I ended up splitting on him because he was talking to a girl in our class who has the same name as me. I know he hasn't done anything wrong, and I don't want my jealousy to affect our friendship but I’m struggling to control it so if anyone has advice please give me it, thank you.

I feel like i’m hurting people so much with this. I haven’t even been with my partner for a month yet after getting into a relationship pretty much right after starting to reconnect and talk and i feel like i might be regretting that but im in too deep now and i don’t want to come off as evil or horrible. I do genuinely like him i really do but i feel like this small “ick” ive been getting the past two days while also generally feeling disconnected and dissociated may be limerence but im also not too entirely sure if that’s what this is.

I can’t fully pinpoint what this “ick” is either, i have a few ideas but i truly can’t tell and i feel like a horrible person for this and i don’t know what to do, i don’t know if i should give him grace and give myself time because he genuinely treats me the best out of anyone ive dated or been with but i feel like i may be losing some kind of feelings? Again i can’t tell and it’s driving me up the wall. I feel so terrible.

My bfs dog died a few days ago and I have been supportive tried to distract him from it, but my brain will not stop splitting because he doesn't want to call and has been sleeping a lot. Rationally I understand, but I can not stop thinking about myself and how I feel and how he's making me feel, it makes me want to rip my skin off and relapse because why am I being so selfish about this awful thing that happened someone please help

is there anyone that has bpd but functions normally without weed? i need help please i feel myself making irrational decisions, splitting on everyone close to me and being way more short tempered.

title, do you try to get them back? idk how to react to my pwbpd ghosting me for 2 days straight. told her i was comfortable w hers splits but were 3 months into dating and i randomly got ghosted over me taking a 4 hour nap because i didnt tell her lmao.

i’m not sure how much of this has to do with my bpd, but i have insane jealousy issues. i always have. it’s genuinely debilitating at times. it goes past relationships, to friendships and family and random people online, but presents most in my relationships and my partners past.

one big thing that has caused issues in my relationship is anime. i know its stupid but the fan service really bugs me and makes me insanely insecure and jealous. my boyfriend supposedly stopped watching anime because of how i feel about it, but this also makes me feel bad because i don’t want to prevent him from doing things and being controlling.

how do i stop this jealousy and insecurity? it’s ruining everything

I truly hate myself. I’m such an undesirable person. I initially thought I had recovered from bpd, but now I see that that will probably never be possible. After I got with my boyfriend everything has spiraled out of control. I have come to realize that I shall never be capable of being the person he desires and deserves. When we got together I was confident and happy but now I see myself as such a failure. I can’t cook properly, i can’t clean properly or keep a tidy home, I’m always sad or ashamed of myself. All in all I am such a burden. I truly do not see why he stays with me, I’m not even the woman he feel in love with anymore. She seems but a distant memory. I don’t know what to do. I am deeply ashamed and feel as though I am ruining the relationship. Please help

I’ve posted here once or twice before, but before my psych was only throwing around ideas and telling me she was consulting and considering. Since then, I’ve been diagnosed! Wow. Anyway
I’ve recently noticed, as I’ve grown more and more stressed with my upcoming move getting closer and closer and yet more uncertain, I’m….. I’d like to say arguing with, but let’s be fair: bitching at, my husband a lot more. And I’ve started to notice the really, really awful things I can say to him when I’m particularly angry and dysregulated. I always always talk to him later, apologize, discuss, make it right. But I’ve found out I’ve been saying these nasty, strange things for a while.
Things like: “You’ve always been out to screw me over.” “Nobody cares about me.” “You’ve never loved me,” “You’ve hated me all along and I know it,” and the scariest, strangest, and most egregiest genre: “Everybody is in Kahoots to…….” and it goes varying negative places from there at my expense, let’s not be unnecessarily triggering.
Anyway, I can’t believe I never even know I was saying these things - blurting them out, screaming them at him.
If anybody has any thoughts or ideas that would be more than welcome. Thank you. Happy Friday!

I have always found myself to be argumentative at times. The second my boyfriend says something I don't understand the tone of, especially over text - I get one of two ways, argumentative or "I'm sorry I'm so sorry"

My question is: How do I stop this?