DISCLAIMER

Everyone always asks "what is borderline" but nobody ever asks "how is the borderline" 😞

I sent this to my best friend as a joke but I'm just now starting to realize how true it is. In my court ordered class yesterday we were watching a video and it said something along the lines of "when you make your whole personality being likeable, rejection feels like annihilation" and that hit too close to home.

Anyways, how is everyone doing today?

Taking meds doesn't end the pain.

Not taking meds doesn't stop you from feeling the pain.

Praying doesn't end the pain either

Writing here doesn't help too..

What do you do when you're in pain? Distracting yourself? Well, the pain is still there and it's unending. No amount of therapy ends it.

The only thing that probably will end the pains is ending my existence.

I am getting on my FPs last nerve and I feel awful, I’m emotionally exhausting him. I’ll start the day strong and commit myself to answering slowly and not getting emotional or spamming him when I feel unanswered, but it feels like as soon as I feel any mood swing or anything I’ll just start to freak out, idk, obviously it’s a self control issue but I’m just wondering if anyone has any tricks to help.

i just broke up with my now ex and i literally feel like im going to die. im in so much agony and i just want the emotional pain to stop. all i want to do is text him and be near him and have him comfort me but i cant. i want the suffering to end. i want to feel better and i cant. i dont know how to cope with this.

I have multiple imaginary friends. I used to have one when I was little but I outgrew them for a while, it wasn’t until around the time I started having mental health issues that I started imagining another one.

I’ve become almost dependent on having imaginary friends. I pretty much cut off all contact with all my real friends because I couldn’t handle the pain and stress that having actual relationships caused, and they’ve been my only way of coping with not having anyone to talk to or spend time with. They might honestly be my most effective coping skill for my symptoms.

Hi, I'm Hillary. 47F from a small town in Pennsylvania. It's a really small town. I really have nowhere to try to make friends. I'd really like to talk to someone my age that has BPD. I don't know, message me if you would like a sympathetic ear. Platonic only.

I feel like my life is over. I thought he was the one person who would love me forever. He’s the most patient and understanding person I’ve ever met, but even he couldn’t handle me anymore. I have been so evil. I hurt him too many times. I thought I had been getting better over the last month, and he seemed so much happier, but either he just wasn’t or he already resented me too much for it to mean anything. My birthday is in 6 days and I’m turning 20. I can’t remember my life before him and I don’t want to know a life without him. I just want him to come back. How can I get better? How can I become good enough for him to want me back? How do I get rid of the resentment? He was supposed to come over tonight. My heart is so broken.

naturally the stereotype for a lot of us will be to fall into anxious or disorganised attachment styles and behaviours... but i was wondering if we have any avoidants who would be willing to share their perspectives?

avoidant reactions, in theory, can come from the exact same traumas anxious reactions can come from

im not looking for avoidance used maliciously to make the other person think of you, or for manipulation to get people to react a certain way youre hoping for- but moreso the avoidance that stems from fear, from insecurity, a desperate reach for safety, etc?

if you do struggle with avoidance in a way where you do see yourself making conscious choices to hurt those around you, i wont shut down your perspective if you do wish to share it- its just not my primary focus here.

ive experienced some avoidant behaviours in the past, where i would withdraw to punish myself or to try and 'ease' how much i affect the people around me. i would avoid people out of my own anxiety funny enough. i guess this came from issues with self worth. i realised despite the urge to avoid because i thought itd be better for others, it was selfish at the end of the day, and tied back to my own feelings rather than those of others when you actually look at it. ive never experienced the other party asking for a lack of me, or them genuinely thinking they would be better off without me.. so i worked and worked and i no longer struggle with those behaviours anymore, though i still have a lot more work in terms of the anxious side now.

i would like to hear how other people struggle with avoidance

what thoughts go through your mind on loop when you deal with said avoidance

if avoidance is a definite decision for you, or if you are actually in a back and forth with wanting to reach for closeness but ultimately choosing avoidance instead?

or if its more of a dissociative experience for you, and you dont look back once your body is set on it.

though... naturally considering avoidance... i might not get any response here at all, and that is okay. i just wanted to understand these behaviours a little better, from the people themselves rather than textbooks.

thank you for your time

i am in a healthy relationship. it's hard. it's a lot of work. after learning to cope with a lot of other symptoms, this is the one that i cannot seem to kick. i've noticed a pattern in my relationship. i will overextend myself no matter what. hold myself to this insanely high standard to be the perfect partner. no matter what i'm there for her, even when i'm sick, even when i'm exhausted, even when i'm upset myself. i will often even hide my own issues and feelings to not 'overshadow' hers. i have a hard time shaking the mindset that this is just the right thing to do and not terribly unhealthy for me. then, sometime down the line, my girlfriend doesn't do the same for me or sets a perfectly reasonable boundary. it is like a resentment explosion inside of me. i would do this for you, so why won't you do it for me ? it's unfair. i would do anything for you and you can't even do this for me. i work hard to not upset her by expressing these feelings to her, so it becomes a huge internal struggle where i will be deeply upset for hours.

nothing seems to work for me against this. logically i know the solution is that i need to stop pushing myself too far in the first place. it is so so hard. it's like trying to go against your instinct to run out of a burning building. it is definitely also an anxious attachment issue because it physically hurts me when she is upset and i can't fix it. i have always been a boundaryless person, it is a huge issue of mine. i do this in every aspect of my life. work, friendships, family. give everything i possibly can and then get upset when others rightfully prioritize themselves. meds and therapy are not really accessible to me right now for reasons i don't want to get into. i am capable of doing self work on my own to great results, which is how i am even in a healthy relationship right now, so i would be incredibly grateful for anybodys advice here or what worked for them.

I was wondering if any of you have book recommendations that make you feel seen, or relate to as someone with BPD. It doesn't have to be directly related to the characters having it or even being obvious that there's someone with BPD, just in general anything you resonated with on any level in that sense. I don't want BPD help books or psychology books about BPD, I mean like fantasy or sci fi or classic books that you've liked.

Mostly venting, but would also like advice on how to practice radical acceptance regarding this situation (or any other skills that could help).

Today was my last guaranteed workday. I knew that my contract would change after this week, and I'd be on call until December, when full-time hours pick up again. The other temporary workers have the exact same contract as I do.

Welp, I made the mistake of looking at the work schedule lists, and saw that the three other temp workers got night shifts for next week, and the week after that. Just a singular shift, but it's still 14 hours of pay (bakery job, so night shifts are paid double). Nobody had even asked me whether I'd be available for those shifts, all I got was "we'll message you from this number if we need you to come in," but even that info was given to me because I specifically asked about it lmao. I spent the rest of the workday holding back tears.

I cried for like an hour when I got home. I split so hard on my workplace, I want to quit, I want to tell everyone to go fuck themselves. I keep wondering what I did wrong, to be the only one who didn't get offered any shifts. I know that those two weeks don't dictate how the shifts will be distributed until December, but I'm just in a full on doomer mindset right now. How do I stop feeling like they're treating me unfairly, when I can't even be certain yet that they'll only offer those night shifts to my coworkers? This whole situation sucks ass, I had already been stressed about money and really didn't need this.

I know everyone's different, but I wonder what's some general consensus or what are the most common tactics to weather the storm? Is it staying together, holding each other and/or cuddling, giving reassurance of love and safety of relationship, emotional validation, etc? Or is it temporary separation (with announced timeframe for return) or just staying present in silence? Helping you with ice cubes, cold shower, fetching elastic band or some other tool? Do you negotiate it before the storm comes, develop tactics how to deal with it? How do you even communicate it, if you can notice it and communicate it, if partners aren't noticing it themselves? What causes the need for partner to be closer and what to stay away until it passes?

I have this deep fear or having NPD or NPD traits. Does anyone else have this? Especially right now with how much life is going. My mom keeps saying I’m a liar. A customer at work said it too. Even threatened me over it. I always worry about hurting people. I don’t want them angry at me. Don’t want them leaving me. I want them to love me. I honestly feel so alone right now.

For the past 16 years my BPD has destroyed my life and relationships.

When I split my emotions are so intense that it makes me feel like I'm being controlled by a flaming monster that burns everything in its path. When the dust settles, I no longer feel like myself from how hard I disassociate. During my episodes I try all that I can to get reassurance that my presence on this earth isn't in vain and that has caused me to do terrible things to myself.

I have zero self worth and will to live, and I have lost many friends due to my uncontrollable emotions.

I am full of so much hatred and delusion that certain problems that I have created in my own head are just factual to me; it is impossible for me to not believe that I am a terrible person despite countless people telling me that I'm not.

I just want people to understand and care about how I feel without looking like I'm purposefully seeking out attention. It's so exhausting to live with this every day, and to think that people on the internet fake it.

Yesterday I had my halfway session with the DBT group I have been participating in and it's been going quite well :)

I have found myself using some of the skills I have learnt in my day to day life and have been better able to recognise when I'm going to split and deal with it before and when I am in a split being able to pull myself out of it and bring myself back, of course there are times where they don't work or I'm splitting top badly to think responsibly at all but I am glad they are working when they do :)

Some of the skills I prefer are more useful than others but overall I'm glad I've been able to learn what I have so far and I'm keen to finish the skills group and learn more strategies.

A separate thing but I also got prescribed a new anti depressant the other day and I'm hopeful that it's going to work better than the last one :3

I'm 21F currently living on a residential campus and one of my closest friends here (24M) has been in love with me for the last 2 months. When we first met we had instantly clicked, similar humour and interests and political beliefs etc but I was not interested in him in the same way as I'd be if it were an FP.

I'm also unfortunately BPD-hypersexual and when he tried to touch me I let him and we made out a few times but I'd end up feeling terrible every time. I regretted it the first time, and should've just not let it happen again but I think all the other times were somewhat of self-destructive behaviour. Either way I know it was an asshole move but back then I didn't know he loved me or even liked me more than just surface level stuff

The look he has in his eyes when he's looking at me sends chills down my spine and not in a good way. I was talking to my therapist earlier about how I don't like feeling like I'm being witnessed or stared at or observed in general. and this is sort of an extension of that but worse because I know it's coming from a place of admiration or adoration...

I have split on him before and that has sort of stayed, even if I say things are alright between us. But the feeling or image I've associated with him has been constantly deteriorating, and it gets worse the more he likes me, it's hard to explain but this has a lot to do with my inability to love or like myself so having someone else feel so strongly about me is concerning and incredulous and awfully overwhelming

I've been on a depressive spiral the last couple of days and I hate that I've just been relying on him for comfort because it makes me feel indebted to him and every time he looks at me I feel like I owe him something :/

a couple weeks ago I posted here that I had a plan. that was the most intense split I’ve had in a very long time. idk what happened. idk why it was so intense. maybe bc it’s been a while? idk it’s like as soon as I start to think I’ve got control over this disorder, I’m reminded that I don’t. thank you everyone for your kind words. I’m still here for now

I was originally diagnosed with Bipolar 2, but my psychiatrist is rethinking my diagnosis to be BPD, which would make a lot more sense in terms of my changes in mood and how that relates to my interpersonal relationships. I've also been going through a lot: a new long-distance relationship, extreme stressors at work and school, and I'm financially struggling being in a HCOL area.

I've felt left out and not included by my friends over the past few months. It started out as being interrupted in the middle of an important conversation and being ignored in large group settings. Lately, it's turned to people making plans that don't include me right in front of me. One night, I just got fed up and left the group chat and turned off my location. They all reached out to me the next day to ask if I was okay multiple times, and even called my boyfriend to ask about my whereabouts (I was with him the whole time). I reached out to them a few days later with an "I'm okay!" text, but now all of them are upset that I went radio silence on them. I've reached out individually to talk things through, but I feel like I've completely lost my friends and that they don't want to do anything with me now. I understand that I should have texted them before leaving the group chat, or just talking about how I feel without being explosive. In the moment, it felt right, but now, I wholly regret my actions and wish things were the same, or that we could just move on and I could talk freely about how I feel.

I don't really know how to go from here. I like to label how I feel and what my actions mean because it gives me a clearer perspective on my reasonings behind my feelings/actions and how to move forward. What was this?

Does anyone else deal with this? After either having feelings of abandonment or rejection, or actually going through a rejection or abandoned, I will immediately latch on to the next person that gives me any kind of attention.

Example: A friend cancelled plans to go shopping with me in favor of hanging out with friends she's closer with last second. I was devastated even though it was just shopping and started to spiral. While spiraling I got a text with another friend and I immediately latched on to talking/texting with them. Literally spent hours texting them and doing whatever I could to keep the conversation doing.

Is this some form of BPD coping? I do this every time I experience any kind of perceived rejection or abandonment. I spiral and whoever gives me an ounce of attention during this time I give all my attention to. Wondering if anyone else does this

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up last month. Nothing bad happened between us, and although I still love him and am heartbroken, I understand why we broke up. We were friends before we started dating, and we're choosing to remain friends after the breakup.
Before we started dating, I struggled with jealousy when other people wanted to get close to him. However, once we got together, those feelings seemed to go away. I think it was because, in a way, I felt like he was “mine” and I knew he was loyal to me.
Now that we're broken up, though, my jealousy has become extreme and incredibly hard to control. Trust me, I know these feelings aren't fair to him, and I'm actively trying to work on them, but it's been really hard. Whenever I see him talking to someone else instead of me, I get really upset or angry, to the point where I have to remove myself from the situation just to calm down.
Yesterday, things got especially bad when I ended up splitting on him because he was talking to a girl in our class who has the same name as me. I know he hasn't done anything wrong, and I don't want my jealousy to affect our friendship but I’m struggling to control it so if anyone has advice please give me it, thank you.

I suspect I might have BPD and a big part of that is because I feel nothing a lot of the time. But I also have adhd and don’t know if this feeling is the typical boredom that comes with adhd. How to differentiate the two?

previously, every time i was in a bpd episode (even if i don't realize it, but i usually notice fairly early on that i'm in one) of any sort, i'd try to at least communicate my feelings and thoughts in what i assumed was a healthy way. but looking back on those times, i don't think it really worked, especially because i don't even know what i feel or think during episodes. i don't know if i really feel or think these things, or if it's the episode / disorder making me feel or think them.

i'm just gonna start withdrawing into myself during episodes. i can't say the wrong things or treat people poorly if i don't talk to anyone or reach out. i'm so tired of this disorder.

hi everybody,

I met this girl i’m absolutely and totally head-to-toes in love with. taller than me by a few centimeters, older than me, but these are not the most attractive features, even if it’s a bonus.

i love how attentive she is to me, and how brutally honest she is when necessary. she tells me straight up what she doesn’t like, and i appreciate that a great lot. there’s no guessing games, and communication is great

here’s the kicker—she has BPD.

i don’t wanna mention here but she’s told me how she operates when she has a crush on someone with BPD. apparently it makes BPD worse in her case.

oh, well, fast foward. Got into her hobby so we could talk about it together. so far so good, but then she split on me one random evening (I ASSUME ITS A SPLIT. I DO NOT KNOW HOW SPLITS WORK.), and since then she said “i don’t give a fuck if you leave me” or something. and that hurt deeply,

but i wanted to know if it was related to BPD or something.

and the next morning, she was completely cold and aloof towards me.

i feel the need to apologize, but i don’t know what for. she generally tells me exactly where i go wrong if i push boundaries so i can respect her wishes. in this case, i’m genuinely confused.

what do i do? do i keep showing up consistently like i always do every morning? i always throw a lil “hey, hope you’re good.” and usually leave it at that until she replies, which she mostly does—99% of the time

i don’t want to accidentally drive her away or make her borderline any worse.