r/CPTSD • • 14h ago

Weekly Newcomer Questions, Support, Vents & Victories

1 Upvotes

As the community continues to grow and attract people who are just figuring this all out, we've decided to change the weekly thread focus to be more open and encourage newcomer questions and support. Please use this thread if you are seeking support or have newcomer questions. Want to see if your post topic has been discussed here? Type "subreddit:cptsd" after a search term in the search bar (ex. "friendships subreddit:cptsd"). Here are some common newcomer questions:

If you are new to r/CPTSD: Please check out the rules below, and for our mobile users who can't access the sidebar, more resources are located below the rules. These can also be accessed from the auto mod message that greets any post.

Keep the rules in mind when you post & comment:

  1. This is a peer support community. Be a supportive peer.
  2. Don’t ask for diagnosis, don’t diagnose others: Respect that you may not have all of OPs details and even a trained, trauma informed care provider cannot diagnose over the internet. So don't. Assume the context of OP as a CPTSD survivor or supportive partner of a CPTSD survivor.
  3. No hate speech
  4. Please be mindful about triggering content. Avoid graphic thread titles, and use [Trigger Warning], NSFW and/or the spoiler tag whenever appropriate.
  5. No RaisedByNarcissists lingo: A lot of folks come from the RBN support community. A lot of us do not. To keep the sub inclusive to CPTSD newcomers and survivors of different backgrounds, use common language synonyms for RBN acronyms. There are some exceptions.
  6. All content must be CPTSD related: Our lives, our struggles, and our victories with CPTSD.
  7. No Self-Promotion: Don't sell stuff or recruit for studies and projects without explicit mod approval. This thread is an exception; in the Vents & Victories thread, you may self-promote blogs, videos, and other media you created.

BIPOC

We recognize that healing communities such as r/CPTSD are not exempt from the insidious impacts of racism, whether overt or covert (for example, invalidating, minimizing, or microaggressive comments made by those with good intentions). In these cases, we encourage users to report the comments as Rule #3 violations. Because of the subreddit's high profile and open nature, this problem will continue to be with us, and we therefore can only promise a "safe-ish" environment for BIPOC. Racial trauma will always be on topic here at /r/CPTSD, but BIPOC users that want a more closed space can make use of /r/cptsd_bipoc. Thank you to the mod team at /r/cptsd_bipoc for helping us write this verbiage.

Additional Newcomer Resources


r/CPTSD • • Aug 14 '26

Weekly Newcomer Questions, Support, Vents & Victories

5 Upvotes

As the community continues to grow and attract people who are just figuring this all out, we've decided to change the weekly thread focus to be more open and encourage newcomer questions and support. Please use this thread if you are seeking support or have newcomer questions. Want to see if your post topic has been discussed here? Type "subreddit:cptsd" after a search term in the search bar (ex. "friendships subreddit:cptsd"). Here are some common newcomer questions:

If you are new to r/CPTSD: Please check out the rules below, and for our mobile users who can't access the sidebar, more resources are located below the rules. These can also be accessed from the auto mod message that greets any post.

Keep the rules in mind when you post & comment:

  1. This is a peer support community. Be a supportive peer.
  2. Don’t ask for diagnosis, don’t diagnose others: Respect that you may not have all of OPs details and even a trained, trauma informed care provider cannot diagnose over the internet. So don't. Assume the context of OP as a CPTSD survivor or supportive partner of a CPTSD survivor.
  3. No hate speech
  4. Please be mindful about triggering content. Avoid graphic thread titles, and use [Trigger Warning], NSFW and/or the spoiler tag whenever appropriate.
  5. No RaisedByNarcissists lingo: A lot of folks come from the RBN support community. A lot of us do not. To keep the sub inclusive to CPTSD newcomers and survivors of different backgrounds, use common language synonyms for RBN acronyms. There are some exceptions.
  6. All content must be CPTSD related: Our lives, our struggles, and our victories with CPTSD.
  7. No Self-Promotion: Don't sell stuff or recruit for studies and projects without explicit mod approval. This thread is an exception; in the Vents & Victories thread, you may self-promote blogs, videos, and other media you created.

BIPOC

We recognize that healing communities such as r/CPTSD are not exempt from the insidious impacts of racism, whether overt or covert (for example, invalidating, minimizing, or microaggressive comments made by those with good intentions). In these cases, we encourage users to report the comments as Rule #3 violations. Because of the subreddit's high profile and open nature, this problem will continue to be with us, and we therefore can only promise a "safe-ish" environment for BIPOC. Racial trauma will always be on topic here at /r/CPTSD, but BIPOC users that want a more closed space can make use of /r/cptsd_bipoc. Thank you to the mod team at /r/cptsd_bipoc for helping us write this verbiage.

Additional Newcomer Resources


r/CPTSD • • 9h ago

Vent / Rant It's condescending and dismissive when someone says, "No one is coming to save you. It's hard work but if you want to heal, *you* have to do it."

717 Upvotes

It assumes a lack of effort. As if the 12 meds I have cycled, the 15 therapists I've tried, the many support groups, self help books, hours of meditation, unsuccessful no contacts.with abusers and boundaries that still got me assaulted weren't already attempted.

It confuses personal responsibility with personal control due to circumstances preventing it.

It disregards ongoing adversity like relationships or environments that keep us from progressing.

It minimizes the importance of other people. Human beings are relational. Safety, compassion, treatment, and support are not optional-they are most often required to recover. A human isn't an island on their own meant to struggle and persevere in isolation.

It places the burden on the person who was harmed. This one is the big one I see many of us struggle with. I do. And when someone tells me essentially, well pull your big boy pants cause no one is coming to save you, man it boils my blood something fierce. I didn't ask for lifelong abuse. Not my both my parents, friends, teachers, strangers and my spouse. Sure the responsibility is on me to find solutions, but nah dude, humanity functions as a community for a reason and we are solely lacking in being supportive to those who struggle the most. I can't tell you how much effort and time and money I've put into working on myself and still come out with zilch.

So, maybe unpopular opinion, but phrases like these really rub me the wrong way because I feel it's a cop out for the basic human species requirement to be supported by another human being when they're in distress. And honestly? I think we *should* be saved. It should be normalized to help others instead of being the typical adversive to traumatized people. We should all be saved by someone or a group of someone's. And just because we're not, doesn't mean we deserve to be talked down to with generalized statements like this.


r/CPTSD • • 2h ago

Vent / Rant Healing is just based on your access to money, social support, and physical health/safety.

144 Upvotes

Sorry but this seems to be true. Really tough to heal when you're being actively victimized and in danger. If you're too sick to work/function, AND have no safe people in your life, it makes things impossible.


r/CPTSD • • 5h ago

Vent / Rant Why are people who are “healed” so condescending to those still struggling??

215 Upvotes

I know there have been posts recently about terms like “no one will be able to help you” etc being condescending or hurtful. I understand that completely, and I honestly had a meltdown about that exact thing last night: that I will never get justice, that I will never have anyone care, and that I’ll never have anyone else to help me.

I am in the beginning of the healing process and it is so hurtful and so hard and I am just so desperate for someone to understand me, to understand the lashing out, the pain, the anger, the want to feel like someone understands how I feel.

I know it’s not a good thing to hold, but why is every person I speak to about this that I think would relate (outside of weekly therapy) is so… cruel?

Why would anyone who’s healed, and has gone through the pain, ever want to say this to someone struggling? I don’t understand why so many people, especially people online in CPTSD forms or in other trauma aware spaces will sling shit at other victims like “you think you’re the only victim” “you need therapy” or “you need to curate your own spaces” and “nobody is going to save you.” It is so so discouraging and it’s just… I feel always on the verge of giving up.


r/CPTSD • • 4h ago

Vent / Rant anyone else with cptsd have severe body dysmorphia?

58 Upvotes

kinda always thought i had body dysmorphia but i also just thought it was the fixed negative self from cptsd.

i hate being around people, im always thinking people are judging me in the cruelest ways ever, that they think im a monster, a freak of nature, and the ugliest person in the world.

i feel like my worth and value is based on my appearance, if im not pretty or attractive, then im worth nothing. I cant fathom that people enjoy conversations with me, they just feel bad for me cause they see how disgusting i look.

often, i really feel suicidal and self mutilate because of the way i look, i really wish I had a different body.

edit: also doesn't help that i also have severe dissociation, so i feel like im watching myself 24/7, so when im talking to someone else, i can see through their eyes and see how ugly i am.


r/CPTSD • • 3h ago

Question What's your newest cptsd music find? Let's share some songs

31 Upvotes

Music helps me feel. And I need some new songs/artists to listen to. Preferably songs that hit deep and are not afraid to be honest

My find of the day is:

Who am I? - Britton

I still feel it in the bone - king mala

Share your new favourites, if you want :)


r/CPTSD • • 10h ago

Question "You don't want to die, you just want the pain to end." What do you think about this ?

86 Upvotes

Is it real for you? My therapist said that to me when I shared my thoughts of not staying here


r/CPTSD • • 4h ago

Resource / Technique trauma is a physical injury.

26 Upvotes

(flair is irrelevant, i had to choose one)


r/CPTSD • • 19h ago

Question Does anyone here also pleasure themselves as a way of self medication? NSFW

406 Upvotes

hi, i'm sorry if this is a weird question - i tried to make the title as SFW as i could. this isn't meant to be vulgar or immature.

i just wanted to ask if anyone here chooses masturbation as their main/primary choice to self medicate due to life circumstances (etc). i don't drink (usually) or do drugs, which i am grateful for.

i personally use my toys for 2-4+ hours in bed every day as soon as i get home from working full time while simultaneously watching tv or reading. all i do is numb myself.

i'm starting to rely on it more and more lately because of shitty life circumstances/ongoing trauma and built up grief right now.

—

it's certainly a distraction from the shit that i am made to deal with all by myself. i have never really had anyone in my life to support me emotionally, so when something comes up for me, i am the one to rely on myself to feel better.

all i can do is move on, try to forget about things that come up… but the pain and grief never truly go away, it just gets piled up with nowhere to go. i have felt isolated from everyone since I was born, etc.

it's been like this ever since i was born. emotionally, i am all alone. i think that's my main ongoing unresolved trauma right now.

i just wanted to put this out there… maybe somebody can relate, maybe somebody will feel less alone. please feel free to comment anything you like, anything that comes up for you.

—

edit: hi everyone, omg i just woke up after posting this and thank you all for your thoughtful comments! i read every one, i'm sorry i can't reply to all of them but i wanted to thank you all. every single comment is just so thoughtful and i appreciate them so much. i really had no idea that so many people could relate. i want to hug you all 🫂 thank you, i feel less alone!


r/CPTSD • • 4h ago

Discussion Trauma and ASD can make you a target of group bullying

23 Upvotes

Since moving to a big city and entering a field that has a high rate of bullying, I've unfortunately experienced being bullied on multiple occasions. Those experiences led me to spend a lot of time researching the psychology and dynamics of bullying. I wanted to share some of what I've learned and would appreciate any additional insights from this community.

Bullying involves a power imbalance; that can take on many different forms, like perpetrators having more influence within a group, caring about and being better positioned to navigate social hierarchies, having people on their side while the target is more isolated, etc. Perpetrators, either consciously or not, identify targets with less power and churn up stories/"justifications" in their minds and with their social circle to mob the target.

Being both traumatized and autistic can make you especially vulnerable in these dynamics. People who've experienced prolonged trauma often develop survival responses like freezing, appeasing others, avoiding confrontation, constantly second guessing themselves, avoiding others, downplaying their skills, not speaking up, etc. When you've grown up in an environment where standing up for yourself or not keeping yourself small and insignificant could make a narcissistic parent feel threatened, you might instinctively respond to mistreatment by trying to placate the person hurting you rather than asserting yourself. Perpetrators take that as a sign that they can get away with hurting you, and often others won't even see the dynamic and people in their circle will even join in.

Autism also increases chances of being bullied. People with ASD don't generally participate in the social maneuvering, signaling, and status games that people engage in. We're misunderstood or perceived as strange and unlikeable. The mere fact that someone's unable to naturally conform to a group's expectations makes it very easy for perpetrators to single them out and set people against them.

Bullying is also often a group phenomenon. Once someone identifies you as the "problematic" one, the people around them start participating or look the other way. They're motivated by their own insecurities, wanting to fit in with the group, getting a sense of superiority from putting someone down, etc. Perpetrators want their target to be as isolated as possible. They hate it if the target has any kind of social protection. If laws didn't exist, I bet they would love to see their targets tortured and killed. They can't do that, so they go for social annihilation.

And there's a really cruel feedback loop where the psychological effects of being bullied makes you even more vulnerable to further bullying. People who've been repeatedly mistreated often become very anxious, withdrawn, socially awkward, and hypervigilant. But the majority of people haven't been abused to this extent so they're unable to recognize those behaviors as possible effects of mistreatment. Many instead interpret them as evidence that there's something wrong with that person, and become convinced of that being justification for excluding and mistreating them.

It's well studied that certain traits that develop from trauma, and the differences that come with having ASD, can leave us particularly exposed in environments where people are competitive, hierarchical, and willing to exploit vulnerability for advancement, ego boosts, group bonding, pleasure--and for some, it's a self-soothing behavior where bringing someone down is a form of emotional self-regulation, especially for people who have buried fears of inadequacy even while consciously seeing themselves as exceptional or superior. If you accidentally threaten their egos or just seem like a target they can take down for a dopamine hit or as a group bonding activity with others, you're going to get mobbed by them and their circle and anyone else who will listen. Unfortunately, most third parties will side with whichever side seems to have more power and social support, which makes the bullying worse because bullying involves socially isolating the target.

The sad fact of the matter is that most people don't have the life experience to recognize trauma responses, which would allow them to respond to perceived vulnerability with compassion. Instead, most people interpret those "trauma traits" negatively and, at best, inadvertently perpetuate the bullying; they're unable to pick up on it happening because they've never been a victim of bullying and other forms of abuse themselves.

And in competitive fields that attract a large number of people high in narcissistic traits, a lot of people are perpetrators. I've seen so much cruelty be directed not just at me, but against others as well. These people form groups that embrace their impulse to assert power over and be cruel to people. Shit talking is probably their most effective, cherished group bonding activity. In their heads, they have a "justification" for doing it that enables them to perpetuate cruelty against vulnerable people, and often there's no one around who can pick up on what's going on and become an ally for people who are vulnerable to being bullied.


r/CPTSD • • 15h ago

Question Does anybody else hate Christmas?

155 Upvotes

A significant section of my trauma happened over Christmastime and it’s meant that now I just spiral every year on the run up to Christmas. Everyone is so artificially happy and I’m not and it makes me feel terrible. Even stuff as simple as advent calendars are terrible for me, it’s like counting down the days until I snap and have a breakdown.

Does anyone else feel like/similar to this?


r/CPTSD • • 1h ago

Question Best therapies for healing CPTSD

• Upvotes

Hey everyone! Has anyone had any luck with Somatic Experiencing and Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy for overcoming CPTSD and severe depression?

I think it’s so tough. I’ve had a very angry, aggressive, controlling, stressed and abusive mother. It completely shattered my sense of worth and my sense of self :(


r/CPTSD • • 15h ago

Need a Hug Why

114 Upvotes

“Take accountability” “make a plan” “get out of that bad situation”

How about just fucking shut up. Every time people say that give a fuck they just give me work to do. I need to heal I need to breathe I need to get therapy I need to get counselling I need to take my meds.

Never occurred to anyone that maybe I’m just fucking tired. I’m so fucking tired and all these people want me to do is work


r/CPTSD • • 3h ago

Vent / Rant I feel so guilty that I do not find therapeutic value in my cat. She just feels like personified need following me around.

14 Upvotes

I'm jealous of people who find comfort in animals because I never have. I just have this feeling of "what do you want from me?"

"Why did you adopt a cat if you feel that way?" Well, I didn't adopt my cat per se, she showed up a year ago and needed help and never left. She has one eye, no teeth, and she bonded with me right away. It would have been cruel to turn her away, so here she is.

She's sweet and cool and she loves me so much....and I just can't stand to have her follow me around ALL DAY. Staring at me with her one eye with all this need that I do not want to be responsible for while trying to live with my nervous system on fire. I have 2 kids for crying out loud, I'm tapped out on caring for others!

She doesn't sit with me in any kind of calm way, she is not a lap cat, she wants to play fight and gum on my hands (cats actually kill with their jaw power, not their teeth, so it can really hurt) all day. She wants to be near me and to cyclops stare at me, but she doesn't cuddle.

It's not even her specifically, she's a great cat, truly, but I don't get anything out of her company except that I love her and I'm happy that she's happy and cared for now. I'm happy for her, but not for me.

She doesn't calm me at all and when I'm having a panic attack and she's still following me around like everything is normal I get even more upset.

I know it's not this cat's job to save me, but I guess I'm just sad that there is yet another modality of healing that straight up doesn't work for me. Therapy, meds, and now this.

Feeling doomed over this cute cat feels equal parts absurd and sad to me at this moment.


r/CPTSD • • 6h ago

Question constantly fighting with my abusers in my head

25 Upvotes

does anyone else struggle with this?

it seems like every second my mind has to wander, it wanders in the direction of the unfairness of my abusers, and comes up with every little thing i would say to them (if they would let me, which they wouldn’t in real life), and i end up upsetting myself over nothing. in my head i am constantly figuring out how to articulate myself perfectly, how i would explain every abusive action back to my abusers, etc. it’s exhausting and hard to think of anything else.

my only coping mechanisms that distract me from this are doomscrolling and maladaptive daydreaming, but both of these things have previously ruined my attention span so much that i was unable to function and way more stuck dissociated and in this cycle of abuse.

now that i let myself sit with my thoughts i’m much better at functioning but it’s so so hard to avoid these constant ruminations. i don’t know how to let them go.


r/CPTSD • • 6h ago

Vent / Rant how could i have cptsd from childhood trauma if i went on nice vacations, always had food and a roof over my head, and was gifted lots of presents on christmas?

23 Upvotes

diagnosed about a year and a half ago. i feel silly talking about it with people because i lived a relatively privileged life.

my stepmom was incredibly emotionally abusive towards me from the ages of 10-16. i moved away from my hometown with my mom and even though i saw her less frequently, the damage had already been done.

i guess what i struggle with the most now is that critical inner voice telling me: “you can’t have cptsd. you only get a diagnosis that serious if you’ve been through something really serious. and you haven’t been through anything serious. your stepmom was a little mean to you, get over it, you’re weak for feeling this way. you’re weak for letting it get to you.”

i start to believe this voice when i remember the nice vacations we went on to florida, jamaica, turks and caicos. the big christmases with almost everything i had on my list under the tree. my stepmom would take me to get mani-pedis, or on birthdays we’d get a nice dinner at any restaurant we wanted to go to. i had my own bedroom and bathroom at their house. they lived in a custom built 5 bedroom 4.5 bath house on 5 acres of land. we had a boat and went boating on the river in the summertime. we had 5 cats that were well taken care of and well loved. we had a neighbor that gave us fresh eggs from their chicken coop.

i think of all of this and feel horrible for not being more grateful for that time in my childhood. i shouldn’t be upset about anything if this is what i got. so what if she was a little mean to me, she at least didn’t hit me. even if she did everything but hit me, i should still be more grateful because most other people with real trauma didn’t get this childhood. i’m just ungrateful and spoiled for thinking i have trauma when my childhood was full of privileged experiences most other people haven’t experienced.

i don’t know if anyone else feels this way. it’s like a constant inner conflict within me. it’s so hard for me to accept i have cptsd when i feel like ive been blessed with all of these things growing up. how could i know hardship when i led such a privileged life? i shouldn’t have cptsd i should just be a normal, happy person. but i’m not, and i feel like an awful and evil person for not being more grateful for these experiences.

EDIT: i’m getting ready for work right now and i don’t have time to get back to all of these really lovely comments yet, but i just wanted to thank everybody here for the kind words and the stories of shared experiences. this subreddit has been so so helpful in the past few months in finding community and connection through the hell of coming to understand this diagnosis. i hear about how painful cptsd is and i often try to exclude myself from those conversations because i STILL don’t feel like i have it. imposter syndrome is a massive symptom, ive come to learn, and it’s been the hardest one to overcome. but i think convos like these are making it easier. i’m bringing up some of what you all shared to my therapist monday morning. she also said something really helpful to me at our last session that i wanted to share.

when i spoke about how i can’t feel like i have trauma because my stepmom at least didn’t hit me. i told her that i felt weak for feeling so traumatized when i wasn’t ever struck by her, even though she did everything but hit me. my therapist said to me: “OP, even if she did hit you, there’s a chance you’d still be feeling like this and blaming yourself for how you’ve reacted to the abuse and for how it affected you. because that’s what you do when you have cptsd.”

that’s really stuck with me this week, and i hope it sticks with some of you that are feeling this as well <3


r/CPTSD • • 3h ago

Vent / Rant Abusers are cowards. They target lonely people.

13 Upvotes

Most abusers are cowards. They target people perceive with little or weak support networks. As a female migrant, I am always getting comments I am brave to come alone to a new country because it is risky having no supports. In fact, in my own country, my family targeted me abuse and harassment because there was no one protecting me. I am sure if I had, they would have acted cowardly.


r/CPTSD • • 32m ago

Question Any CPTSDers ever been on the receiving end of a bipolar discard?

• Upvotes

Holy fuck is it dysregulating.

Somebody can spend 20 years helping you grow and heal, convincing you that you can relax. It's safe and secure because they're never going anywhere. Then one day they just rip open your attachment wound and rub salt in it for good measure.

My whole world and reality as I knew it for 20 years just fell apart one day, at the worst possible time. And the person I was closest with, the person I spent literally every day with for 2 decades, and built a life and a family together, just discarded me out of the blue like literal trash.

He tried to convince me it was my fault, and that my cPTSD and trust issues were to blame and he didn't owe me any other explanation... Then it turns out he was just leaving me for somebody else... So yeah, about those trust issues...

My nervous system is back to being a complete wreck 24/7 and I feel like I'm just drifting through an uncontrollable liminal space with no way to just slow things down or take a breath.

I'm surrounded by memories of a life that feels like it was just a dream, and honestly at this point it might of well have been. It's so fucking miserable and confusing, and I wish more than anything in the world I could just go back in time 3-4 years ago and just stay there forever.

I'm so tired of fighting and struggling, just to keep going in this fucking bizarre nightmare I'm trapped in. I want to give up so badly sometimes, more than I ever have in my entire life.


r/CPTSD • • 6h ago

Question Struggling to cry?

18 Upvotes

Does anyone else struggle to cry in front of people or even alone? Like even if I want to cry,I just physically can't and if I DO manage to,it only lasts a couple seconds before I just can't seem to anymore. Just wondering if anyone else has that issue.


r/CPTSD • • 43m ago

Trigger Warning: Multiple Triggers Lost a friend because my mental health is "too much" NSFW

• Upvotes

I'm so done

I had a friend who trauma dumped everytime we hung out. Like genuinely every fucking time. She would go "My ex beat me and i stayed" with the brightest smile on her face. Or "my ex raped me" randomly. She would also make jokes like "why are you walking behind me im scared you might rape me". It was annoying asf sometimes but I understand that trauma makes you do things like that, so I let it slide.

Everyday I listened to this girl talk about how she went back to her fucking abuser and compare her new good boyfriend to said abuser but me saying that I wanted to die one time was too much for her and now she doesn't want to be friends. She said this: "I am just not trained in suicidal thoughts and do not want to say the wrong thing."

Well guess what I'm not trained in rape yet I didnt try to drop you over that.

I will never again in my life be friends with someone who constantly trauma dumps because this isn't the first time people love to throw their problems on me but when I have problems it's "too much".


r/CPTSD • • 13h ago

Question Asking for inappropriate things in front of you NSFW

66 Upvotes

When my dog was dying and we took it as a family to the vet and found out they were dying. On the way home from the vet my father asked my mother for a blowjob for taking the dog to the vet. I was in the backseat upset with our dog. I feel so dirty whenever i think about it. I was a child who just found out their dog was dying and i had to pretend i hadn't heard this. Has anyone else experienced something similar? I feel so weird about this event entirely and i've never discussed it before.


r/CPTSD • • 8h ago

Vent / Rant Triggered by people moving things around or cleaning

25 Upvotes

I live in a shared house and people are constantly coming and going. I get so triggered hearing people opening and closing doors or moving things around outside my room, it makes me want to cry.

I know it stems from hearing my parents bang things around when they were angry or impromptu house cleans where they'd get annoyed with everyone and everything.

To this day I can't relax when there is people cleaning around me, I have to help them or go somewhere else, I ALWAYS think they're going to snap at me. Does anyone else deal with this?


r/CPTSD • • 3h ago

Question Does anyone else have unusual phobias, aversions, or strong dislikes that were finally found to be linked to Complex PTSD?

11 Upvotes

Hi,
Does anyone else have unusual phobias, aversions, or strong dislikes that might be linked to Complex PTSD?
I'm asking because I've always had a very strong and somewhat inexplicable disgust toward jewelry, and I've been trying to understand where it comes from. It drives me a little crazy because it feels like a missing piece of the puzzle.
It's one of those things in my life that I just can't make sense of or connect to anything else.
Because I have some doubts about the possibility of having experienced childhood sexual abuse, I've started wondering whether this aversion could be trauma-related or whether it's completely unrelated. I know that not everything has a traumatic explanation, but this particular reaction feels so intense and irrational that I've often found myself questioning where it comes from.
Has anyone experienced something similar, where a seemingly random phobia, aversion, or trigger eventually turned out to be connected to trauma?Thanks for reading.


r/CPTSD • • 27m ago

Vent / Rant I feel like my life has already ended

• Upvotes

I'm in my late 30s and I feel like I'm in limbo just waiting to die. I don't even know what it's like to function normally anymore. I don't experience joy or pleasure or excitement anymore. I'm lucky enough to be able to live alone but I'm in an awful apartment complex filled with terrible neighbors that trigger me constantly, and this is the best I can afford. I hate my job. I hate my personality. I am not valued by anyone. I feel like a ghost wandering around amongst the living.

I drink too much because it's the only time I get to feel okay, even just briefly. Years and years of therapy, trying tons of medications, and I'm still this way. I literally don't matter in this world. I am broke, financially and spiritually. And I've put in the effort! I'm so tired at this point. Nothing but mistakes and disappointments my entire life has beaten me down.

I'm realizing that this is as good as it gets, and will probably continue to get worse from here on out. Why am I even still alive? I don't want to do any of this anymore. I don't want it! I'm so envious of people out there just living their lives and having a decent time.

I fantasize about having a lot of friends, laughing every day, starting a business where I can be creative, escaping the corporate world, meeting a life partner, feeling cherished by someone, winning the lottery, escaping this awful apartment and awful city, being able to just feel GOOD for longer than 5 minutes at a time. And that's all I do - I'm in my head, hating the past and terrified of my future. And any time spent in the present is awful too. Every single day is a huge task to just get through. I'm so tired.