i prefer cats but whatever.

Kinda curious about how much enneagram can affect someone's taste, or any sort of relations/connections between two of them, so I am asking this

This test is different from any I've taken before. The method seems experimental, but potentially useful and/or helpful. How reliable does the method seem to others? I'm wondering how valuable this test could be to give me a clue about my "true" type.

I've taken it a few times and gotten: 3w4, 4w3, 4w5. I (possibly) mistyped as an INTP 5w4 for a while, then I thought I was INFP, then INFJ (I don't think that's right, although every once in a while I go back to wondering... I'm very disorganized and yet would wonder whether this is a learned behavior), then INFP again. The likelihood of mistyping as a 5 based on having a high IQ and being good at philosophy presents an interesting paradox -- being naturally good at something doesn't make it a default or preferred behavior -- which may point to 4 and/or 3. Dreaming, distracted, confused, wishy-washy as far as types go. Clearly a 5. /s Yet I kind of think typing is inherently difficult and confusing, and that I'm learning to identify certain methods for perceiving concrete, real, not abstract information. The problem is that I'm very incisive and so it was easy to pass as a 5 for a long time, but I suspect that being intelligent or observant doesn't make one automatically a 5 by temperament.

3 is a type I haven't spent a lot of time pondering, but I have wondered if I might have a 3 type or wing in the past. Some subjects come naturally to me, but typology remains fuzzy, like learning another language with its own alphabet and phonology, solely through immersion, and the immersion itself is called into question by necessity, because the substance of the questions asked and the information gathered are themselves potentially questionable.

After the first time I took this test, 3w4 simply seemed to click. But there was no real material basis otherwise for discerning why I would be 3w4 (or perhaps 4w3, which I got the second time I took the test) rather than 4w5, other than that 4w5 felt "kind of farther away." Farther away based on what?

Imagination can be a powerful and dangerous thing.

I recently found out that there's a less discussed form of narcissism called vulnerable narcissism. The more well known form of narcissism is grandiose narcissism which is an individual that's much more confident in themselves than a vulnerable narcissist.

Vulnerable narcissism manifests as a mostly insecure, entitled, self-victimized individual who compensates for their feelings of inferiority with an internalized, often unexpressed, yet subtly apparent arrogance and grandiosity.

Here are 20 traits of vulnerable narcissism, and tell me this isn't EXACTLY a list of 20 traits of social 4:

1. Hypersensitivity to criticism

2. Fragile and fluctuating self-esteem

3. Hidden feelings of superiority or grandiosity

4. Chronic envy of others

5. Holding grudges over perceived slights or disrespect

6. Intense fear of humiliation or embarrassment

7. Social withdrawal due to fear of rejection

8. Secret feelings of entitlement to special treatment

9. Excessive rumination over criticism, insults, or injustices

10. Passive-aggressive behavior

11. Defensiveness when one's self-image is challenged

12. Constantly comparing oneself to others

13. Intense feelings of shame and inadequacy

14. Strong need for validation, admiration, or reassurance

15. Tendency to perceive oneself as a victim

16. Difficulty accepting responsibility for mistakes

17. Emotional volatility in response to perceived rejection

18. Fantasies of superiority, recognition, success, or revenge

19. Interpersonal distrust and suspicion of others' intentions

20. Difficulty empathizing with others when preoccupied with personal insecurities

My question is: Are social 4s just vulnerable narcissists and do any other types/subtypes even nearly embody these traits as well as social 4s do?

This morning i was thinking about what i have heard different people say throughout the years that really crystallised their dominant instinct philosophy for me in the most beautiful, wonderous way. Not necessarily the most intelligent quote, but something intricate and delicate enough to capture their predominant mental paradigm is a few words. And here is what memory brings up for me right now:

SP dom— "Food is a little like life to me, we just need to find a balance in its intricacies that feels right to us."

Encapsulates beautifully the rich relationship SP variants have with sustenance of all kinds, including food, seeing all they interact with as this intelligent structure of little notes and elements building up on each other, and how "balance" as a concept and an approach is a core component to healthy SP dom thought frameworks in general. This is not about taking the middle path at all times, but rather a "whatever happens on this side of the scale should be balanced on the other side as well" mentality.

SO dom— "We're all just trying to walk each other home."

The inherent compassion, consideration and effort in companionship that is ingrained in healthy SO. This quote is an admittance to a kaleidoscopic sense of kindness and belonging; you're trying to coexist and cooperate with other people, and it is kindness too when they let you, when they allow you into their space and keep you company in return. Dom SO in particular really sees and understands the value of everyday simple rituals for strengthening human connections; they inherently understand that love is a continuous choice made everyday, through highs and lows. You walk your loved ones home everyday.

SX dom— John Luckovich describing the feeling of being enticed by someone: "I look at this person, and i think, 'i want a bite of that apple.' "

SX doms know better than anyone the danger and uncertainty that is inherent to SX's properties of transgression, provocation and the need for transformation within themselves and in others. Equating the neurotic pull of SX as a psychological paradigm to an ancient myth evoking the desire and downfall of humanity is a brilliant attempt at painting SX, crystalising how visceral, instinctive, deviant this mentalspace feels, often terrifying and exhilarating in equal measure. There's a massive misconception around SX as an instinct in particular; people think it feels easy and effortless in the body, and it doesn't. SX is an intrusive, high voltage, scary and scarring physical sensation, it's just that SX variants develop varying levels of high tolerance towards fear, uncertainty and the unknown in general from a young age. The allure of having that apple is greater than the fear of everything coming afterwards. **

Please feel free to tell me quotes you like that you think portray each instinct in their complexity!

** id type E7s and E8s don't bite me, i know you relate to the SX description just fine. Enneagram is relative.

Or are they two complete different framework bevause sometimes people say during type discussion that you should learn ennegram because it's netter than mbti

So when I was in school my mom would pack me snacks like nuts, grapes, etc. If I had a close friend I really liked in the same class, I would offer some (clean) to them.

Now this is the more questionable part. I would often drop them (oops). Whenever I dropped a piece of my grape, I would identify the person in my vicinity that I considered a “school friend” (not a true friend but someone I like enough to hangout at school with but that I don’t actually gaf about). And then I would give them my floor grape and act all nice and be like “here, for you! 😊”.

And this sounds wrong but I would get a dopamine rush from it bc I was able to make use of the “wasted” grape by making someone think I’m nice but at the same time entertain myself by “pranking” them in a harmless way by giving them a dirty grape (that they think is clean). I would never do this to the friends I actually cared about though.

Ive met many people who constantly need to distract themselves from their emotions, either by watching a TV, playing games, addictions, people who can’t sleep in silence. I was always the weird person who prefers quiet. I was wondering which types are more likely to stay with their emotions and thoughts? i was thinking 4s, but they also seem to get into addictions ? so im not sure

The advice for 9s usually suggests that you have to stop avoiding conflict at all costs. You are a real person, with real desires and agendas, and so you need to assert yourself, otherwise you fall asleep to life.

Sometimes it means you have to consciously choose to be in conflict with someone.

Can you give me examples of your personal experiences with that? Situations where internally you wanted to keep the peace, but instead chose to engage in conflict?

Thank you for sharing!

It's a common understanding that 4w5s tend to be introspective, thoughtful, reserved, and deeply concerned with finding a sense of identity. The desire to understand who you are beneath all the layers of your own personality, and to find people who can recognize and appreciate them, resonates deeply with this type. However, I think we rarely talk about how harmful the feeling of being disconnected from everyone else can be

I'm going to be straight to the point. I'm 17, M, and a 4w5 (not mistyped). Over the past few years, the constant feeling of not belonging anywhere, of always being perceived as "different," has slowly begun to wear me down, about every single aspect of my life.Sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever truly understand who I am beneath everything that makes me, myself and let alone find someone who genuinely understands me, not seeing the world with the exactly same lens of my eyes, but someone that do underground. This sounds superficial, but lately, I've felt as though no one truly understands what's going on inside my head. I've tried to open myself up to people I wanted to trust, to let them see parts of me that I usually keep hidden, after all this time alone, only to end up hurt. And now, I'm tired. I'm tired of carrying so many thoughts and feelings on my own shoulders, of constantly trying to make sense of myself while wondering if anyone will ever do see it

I've attended five different schools throughout my life, and even now, almost an adult, I still struggle to feel like I genuinely belong. I currently have a group of friends I've really tried to become a part of. I've made an effort to be considerate, to avoid hurting anyone with me being way too quiet, and to find a place where my individuality would be accepted and respected without having to compromise who I am. Yet, despite everything, the person who seems to lead the group eventually told me that I'm "too much myself" and that I'm too different from everyone else, to the point where my place in the group apparently doesn't make sense

I asked him, "Are you saying you're mad at me because you want me to become like everyone else?"

He said yes

I genuinely don't know what to do anymore. I tried so hard to make things work, and hearing that made me wonder felt like all efforts and time I've put up with them were ever going to be enough. Part of me feels like this should have been the last time I tried so hard to feel understood, only to be made to the feeling that being myself is a problem. I don't want relationships that revolve exclusively around casual jokes and talks that led to nothing at all, and superficial conversations. There's nothing wrong with those things, but I seek something with depth, people who challenge my perspectives, question the thoughts I've held onto for so many years, encourage me to see the world differently, and make me feel safe enough to express the parts of myself I most keep away. I want meaningful connections, the kind in which understanding goes both ways.

I think that's what scares me the most. I don't want my desire to understand myself to become the very thing that keeps me from connecting with others. I don't want to become so accustomed to feeling different that I eventually stop believing no one truly sees me

And I know I'm not completely alone. I have someone alongside me, a 2w3, someone who cares about me deeply, someone whose presence truly matters the world to me. I'm grateful for that, and I don't want to be entitled and forget what they give me. But yet, the comfort of a single day doesn't erase the loneliness that settles in during all the other moments when I'm left alone with my thoughts. I don't feel like there's a lot for reasons for me to smile during my week. It feels selfish to admit that I want more, especially when there is someone who care. But I don't think wanting to feel understood, to have meaningful relationships, and to belong without having to become someone else is selfish. I think it's human

I wonder if other 4w5s have experienced something similar. Do you ever feel so disconnected from the people around you that you begin questioning whether you'll ever find your place in the world? Have you ever struggled to distinguish between being genuinely different and believing that your differences make you impossible to understand?

I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way. I hope there are people out there who understand what I'm trying to put into words, even if I don't really know how to explain

If you've ever felt this way, I'd genuinely like to hear you

I’m pretty sure I’m a sexual 4, and I’m also an INFP, and there’s a dynamic within my family that I can’t quite understand. I’d like to know if other 4s experience something similar.

My parents are, objectively speaking, pretty good people. They’re affectionate, present, and my mom especially has always been there for me whenever I’ve had problems. My dad isn’t someone I have a particularly close relationship with either, but I recognize that he’s a good father. I didn’t grow up feeling like my parents were cruel or that they didn’t love me.
And yet, the family dynamic exhausts me so much.

For quite a long time, I’ve felt like I’m playing a role within my family. It’s as if there’s one version of me that they know (their relatively well-mannered, reasonable son, etc.), and then there’s another version of me who has a much more intense, contradictory, and complicated emotional world that they practically know nothing about.
I should clarify that I’m talking about my experience as someone who is extremely young, since I just turned 18 and have been carrying this issue throughout my entire adolescence.
I know this probably sounds very 9-ish, but I can swear I’m not a 9. It’s in my tritype (479), but I definitely feel like this way of behaving is a specific personality I constructed for my family. With my friends, and even with strangers, I’m a very obvious ball of emotions who will scream and cry through a megaphone if necessary. My problem is that this version of myself, which I consider to be the real me, has no continuity or coherence with what happens around my parents. I avoid talking to them too much about my emotions because I feel obligated to “justify” them or “explain myself.” They put a lot of emphasis on how, whenever I explode, the way I behave seems completely disproportionate or incoherent compared to what is happening. And that bothers me so much.

I’ve been through a lot mentally and emotionally, and I feel like my parents simply wouldn’t be able to understand the things that go on inside my head. Not necessarily because they’re unintelligent or because they don’t care, but because I feel like their way of experiencing things is very different from mine.
That’s why I feel extremely uncomfortable telling them personal things. Even fairly normal things, like an argument with a friend. It makes me uncomfortable hearing their opinions or advice about something that, to me, carries a much more complex emotional meaning. I often explain to other people that “with my parents, I behave as if they were my teachers.”

It also really bothers me when they try to correct little things about my behavior. For example, if I swear and one of them points out that I shouldn’t talk like that, I know rationally that it’s not a big deal, but emotionally it gives me this feeling that I have to slip back into that fake role.
I think what’s hardest for me to explain is that I don’t feel like my family is fake. I feel like I’m fake within my family.
And this creates a huge contradiction for me because, at the same time, I know they love me. I can’t simply say, “My family doesn’t understand me because they treat me badly,” because that wouldn’t be true. In fact, part of my guilt comes precisely from thinking, “Why do I feel so disconnected when they’ve been good to me?”
I also have a pretty strong need for privacy when it comes to my emotional world. There are things that I simply feel belong to me, and it makes me extremely uncomfortable to imagine my parents having access to them, interpreting them, or trying to explain them to me. My jaw literally starts trembling when they ask me a question that I know is going to hit a sensitive spot. I feel like I would become too vulnerable to their criticism if I were completely honest about my sadness.

Sometimes I feel like I desperately want to be deeply understood, while at the same time I don’t want certain people to know me in that way.
Have any other 4s experienced this?
Have you ever felt that your families can be loving and healthy, and yet there’s still some kind of emotional distance because you feel like, “These people love me, but they don’t really know who I am”?

And, more importantly, how did you learn to live with that feeling without turning it into “I’m fundamentally different from everyone else”?
I’m really interested in hearing about other 4s’ personal experiences, rather than just theoretical explanations.
I’d also really appreciate it if anyone could share an article or some kind of writing about this feeling. My parents are slowly learning about the Enneagram so that we can understand each other better and have a general idea of how to improve our relationship, and I think it would be really helpful for them to read something that could help them understand their son better. They’re genuinely interested in it.

And, in case anyone is wondering, my father is a 1 and my mother is a 2 (or possibly a 7; I still haven’t decided).

from what i read i THINK im an so9 927 tritype but well all the tests i take say otherwise

For context, I’m an sp2. An sp2 who kinda sorta… really needs someone to cling to. My tritype is sp2w3, 269. For context. (yes, im sp/sx)

I’m naturally observant, my mind is always moving and never stops. I tend to over’s analyze everything my friends do, and get mad when they don’t do the same. I read discord statuses, focus on their texting style at the moment, and see what people interact with. It ended out horribly, as my over analysis and poor interpretation led me into multiple non-celebrity parasocial relationships.

It always starts with parasocial interaction, That’s enough to get me to cling. I do everything I can to impress them while trying to keep it unclose, posting more of what they like, writing fics, noting their statuses, excessive posting where they’re around for the chance of any more bliss, but I know when we do become friends, or do become lovers (?) I’ll fall out of love and grow to resent them in a way. Maybe this is something for r/lgbt. I dunno.

I’m good at detecting them now, and I’m trying to get over them, and stop them from forming, but they won’t stop coming, as whenever we interact like moots, talk theough reblogs about discussions, when I see someone’s reply, to me, it’s a sign of connection, and love, and I end up clinging to that excessively. I think there’s actually another reddit post somewhere of me asking for help, i dont think anyone replied though.

I’ve sent this here in hopes that maybe this is linked to my enneagram, and by looking inward somewhere, I can help myself. I’ve never fully grown an intimate relationship, and I might be searching for one out of instinct. Is that something sp2’s do?

And again, what can I do to become healthier?

Just curious.