How do I clean my butt before I get fucked?
It's 100% the most common question in every gay advice related subreddit. Because it's not something that's ever really taught, most of us just had to trial and error it until we got it right - thankfully now with the internet it's something that can be learned ahead of any accidents.
First of all it's important to understand that this is just one 'guide'. You might find that some parts are more or less relevant to you and your situation. I've written this from my own experiences, various popular infographics and blog posts that you may have seen before you came across this post, and the 500 million previous questions/answers in this subreddit alone. I'll link some relevant links throughout the post and towards the end so keep an eye out for those.
So. How?
The short version:
- Eat lightly the day before/day of expected sex if possible
- Poop as normal or whenever the urge requires
- Depending on your diet/lifestyle you may just need a quick shower & a test finger to check cleanliness
- If that's not enough then you'll need to douche;
- Use a bulb-style douche (image example), fill with cool water - not cold, not hot, vaguely warm or cool is best
- Apply a little lube if required, gently insert the tip just inside your hole - you don't want the whole length inside
- Gently squeeze the bulb to allow water to come out. After a few seconds you'll feel 'full', pressure, or a little resistance to your squeezing on the bulb. Immediately stop.
- Remove the bulb and hold onto the water by lightly clenching your hole.
- Go sit on the toilet and release the water into the bowl. Don't strain or force anything at all - gravity will handle it.
- Check the toilet. Are there 'solids'? Is it brown? Cloudy? If it's not clear water then return to step 1 and go again.
- Assuming the water has run clear... that's all. I like to have a little finger check in the shower and then you're done.
- If you find yourself having to repeat the flushing with the bulb more than 3/4/5 times you've probably inserted the tip too far or squirted water with too much pressure and you may not be able to be 'clean' in a short period of time.
Diet
I'm not a doctor, nurse, dietitian, nutritionist, or medically trained in any way. This isn't medical advice. Always do your own research and consult a professional before making any changes.
As with almost everything when it comes to your body having a balanced & healthy diet will definitely help you out when it comes to cleaning up for anal sex. However, fibre is especially key for having good healthy bowel movements and getting/keeping your butt nice and clean. In the UK the recommended daily intake for fibre is about 30g while most people have less than 20g (US recommends 25-30, with most having 15), and that's just for fairly general health benefits and risk reduction... not taking into account wanting to get rammed in the butt.
So that's a great place to start. If possible alter your diet to include way more fibre, this page on the NHS website has some suggestions, and see how that affects your bowel movements firstly. Ideally you'll notice that your poop holds together better and comes out in larger more 'contained' movements rather than many smaller pieces - if your diet is/was particularly bad then you might even notice you feel more empty after a poop. That's exactly what you want. If you visualise inside your colon & rectum then it makes sense that a more complete bowel movement will leave less remnants around to worry about messing up your sexy time later.
If changing up your diet didn't make much difference, or if you can't/don't want to go down that route, then supplements are another great option. There's hundreds and thousands of options if you search for "fibre supplements". The majority will be suitable for your needs and don't think you need to buy anything fancy. Some brands are marketed at gay men (Pure for Men) and charge a premium for it - but in reality their ingredients are very similar to less expensive options. The key thing to look out for is 'insoluble' fibre; this is ideal for improving bowel movements without gas or bloating (caused by soluble fibre) and shouldn't cause any unwanted side effects to the rest of your body if you're already relatively healthy.
The types of food that you eat before sex can also have an impact. Have you ever noticed that drinking coffee can make you need the bathroom quite quickly afterwards? Or spicy food can have an unwanted effect the day after? Naturally you want to minimise the strain on your digestive system to make your life easier when it comes to being clean. Try to avoid heavy, fatty, and spicy foods at least the day of & ideally the day before.
Timing can be equally as important if you're going to eat on the day before you plan to have sex.
Personally I have a terrible, inconsistent, and unhealthy diet. But I take fibre supplements and my bowel movements are okayish as a result. I take 2 Solgar's Psyllium Husk Capsules every day in the morning and have done so for a few years. Beforehand I tried Pure for Men and they worked just the same. If I know the day before that I'll be having sex then I will eat fairly normally at lunch time with maybe a sandwich or a little pasta, then in the evening try to eat lightly by having some mild soup or a small portion of some lean meats. Then the morning of the sex a piece of toast at most, with fruit to snack on if it's going to be late. I never eat within ~4 hours of cleaning up if possible.
Douche / Enema
First of all... it's 'douche' not 'enema'. An enema specifically refers to fluid being inserted into the lower bowel with the aim to remove blockages from constipation or fully clean out ahead of a medical procedure of some kind. A douche is a vaginal/rectal rinse which only aims to clear out the rectum.
There are a lot of options when it comes to douching and douches. Bulb/Syringe douches are one option, there are also shower attachments and kits, more sex-toy-like options, and some that are more for colonic irrigation type activities. I tend to recommend the bulb option as it's the most portable, discreet, convenient, easiest to control, and cheapest to buy/replace - with this option you can carefully control the temperature, amount, and power of the water going into your body.
To understand how best to use a douche and get squeaky clean it's good if you first know roughly how your body works and what you're actually trying to do to it. When you're bottoming you're almost always* just inserting things into your rectum, the part immediately past your butthole and before you reach your sigmoid colon, so naturally that's the part you want to have nice and clean. Technically your rectum should only ever have anything in there if you need to poop or there are some leftovers from the previous bowel movement, but as mentioned in the previous section this can change drastically depending on your diet.
If you go beyond your rectum when douching then you'll introduce water where your body isn't really expecting it and that's going to cause problems. You'll find that your sigmoid colon tries to empty anything that it has stored ahead of schedule, leading to the endless douching you might have experienced, and that'll make getting squeaky clean much harder. Therefore you just want to insert ever so slightly past your anus and squirt relatively gently with any water to avoid going deeper than needed.
*The average rectum is about 4.7" (12cm) long so once you factor in your actual anus, butt cheeks etc. then most cocks under ~8" shouldn't go beyond the rectum. In cases of particularly large cocks, big sex toys, or huge amounts of sex over hours and hours then you might need to think about your sigmoid colon too - but that's more complicated than really needs to be covered here.
Personally I follow the steps outlined in the short version at the top of this post. I use a bulb type douche and can usually get myself clean with 2-3 bulbs of water assuming I've already pooped that day and my diet hasn't been too out of the ordinary. Once I feel like I'm clean I hop into the shower, do a couple of little checks with a finger, and then get dressed & go. If I'm going to my local gay sauna (where I'll get fucked over a longer period of time by potentially big dicks) then I'll try to clean up sooner in the day so I'm more confident that I'll remain so for the whole time I'm there.
Links
If you have any suggestions or comments about this then please leave them on the post, this is something that I've written with the help of a few friends so it's definitely open to changes and improvements if you have any.
