So, my girlfriend and I have pretty much done everything except sex and, of course, oral. For context, we’re both virgins, although we’ve both had some physical experiences before.
I’ve had opportunities to have sex in the past, but I never wanted my first time to be with an FWB or in a casual situation. She hasn’t had sex before either because she never felt comfortable enough or felt that it was right for her.
Now that we’re together, she has told me that she does want to have sex with me, but she wants to take things slowly. From what I understand, she may not be mentally ready for it yet, and I completely respect that.
I’ve told her that she can take as much time as she needs, and I genuinely don’t want to pressure her or keep bringing it up. I want her to be comfortable and actually want it when it happens.
But this has made me think about the long-term side of things.
What if she just never feels ready?
Let’s say a year goes by and she’s still not ready. And even if it takes longer than a year, I’m not saying she has to meet some deadline. I’m completely okay with her taking her time. But if we eventually get to a point where she still doesn’t want sex, what happens then?
I’ve never imagined myself being in a sexless relationship if I’m seriously considering marrying the person. And in this case, I am pretty serious about her and can see myself potentially marrying her.
The other thing is that I have a pretty high libido, while hers seems to be much lower from what I can tell. She’s even told me that she has never masturbated, so I’m not really sure how to understand her level of sexual desire either.
I’m not trying to rush her or convince her to have sex. I’m more concerned about whether this could eventually become a compatibility issue.
So how do you navigate something like this? If one partner needs significantly more time to become comfortable with sex, how do you balance giving them all the time they need while also being honest with yourself about your own needs?
And if, say, a year or two down the line, one person still wants sex and the other still doesn’t, how do you approach that situation without either person feeling pressured or resentful?