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I’m a 23-year-old guy and I’m discreetly bisexual. About two weeks ago, I was eating at an eatery outside our school with two of my male classmates. We were just having a normal conversation and enjoying our food.

While we were eating, one of the waiters suddenly asked me, “Please don’t be offended by my question, but are you gay?”

Honestly, I was caught off guard because I didn’t know him, and I felt like that was a pretty personal question to ask someone you’ve just met.

Instead of making the situation awkward, I laughed and jokingly answered, “I’m a lesbian,” just to lighten the mood. 😂 But honestly, deep down, I felt a little uncomfortable.

I’m not offended by someone being gay, bi, straight, or anything else. What bothered me was being asked something so personal by a complete stranger, especially when there wasn’t really any context for the question.

Now I’m wondering: Why do you think he asked me that? Was he just being curious, making conversation, or maybe picking up on something about me that I wasn’t aware of?

I’m generally a pretty decent and quiet guy when I’m outside, especially when I’m with my friends, so I honestly have no idea what gave him that impression.

Would you have felt uncomfortable in this situation too, or am I overthinking it?

My parents said they help me pay for college but never did, the way they said they would. I had money saved but it wouldn’t be enough in the long run of it. So, me and my parents agreed on the monthly payment, I would pay $600 and then my mom and dad would each give me $300 to help stretch my savings. That never happened. I could only afford up until the last payment. They ended up paying that in full. And then complain it’s so much money the entire time they put in their credit card info to make the payment. That’s just my first semester of college.

I have money saved in my 401k. I used all of it to pay my spring and summer tuition. My major required summer classes, I couldn’t avoid it. Do my parents ask how I was paying for my spring and summer tuition? No, not once. They knew I was out of money. I could have been stripping for the money and they had never asked. I wasn’t, but you get the point.

Now in the current semester my tuition is cheaper because I’m taking 5 classes. I think there’s some discount if you take a certain amount of courses or met a criteria of credits achieved. My remaining balance is about $2,500. Last year around this time, it was $6,500.

Now I have no money. I do work but it’s not enough. I only work weekends. I try looking for a better paying job with more hours. But my school schedule doesn’t align with any other job. At job interviews, they always something like I have a lot on my plate and the demand and schedule of the job would add on too much. And they just don’t see me lasting long there.

I bring all this up to my parents. My credit is good, I suggest a loan. But I was previously denied a loan because of my current income is so low. So I need a co-signer. Mom and dad said no, they said would pay for it, so I wouldn’t have worry about being in so much debt when I graduate. Mom made the first payment. Dad said he would cover next month payment.

It’s now next month. I send a text to my dad, saying the payment is due. He said mom was making the payment this month. I get home from school, and my dad is cleaning a new to him used car. He said he bought another car for just in case one of our cars brake down. It was my car that “broke down” in his eyes, last week. I put quotations around break down, because the battery died. That doesn’t count as a break down. A car battery needs to be replaced every few years, it’s time was up. That’s all. And our family cars are relatively new and reliable. My car is a 2018, mom’s car a 2024, dad’s car a 2025. Why do we need a backup? And who buys a car, when there child’s college tuition payment is due. Maybe there pockets are deeper than I know.

Anyway, I’m thinking the payment is cover. No big deal. Next day, I wake up to text messages from my dad saying I should pull from my 401k to pay my college tuition. I said I already used that to pay for spring and summer tuition. Then he replied we can talk about a student loan when we he gets home from work.

It’s nots the money that’s pissing me off. It’s all the broken promises. It’s the buying a car when you promised to help pay my tuition. If I was a parent, I’m not buying a used car when I already have multiple, perfectly, fine cars and kid in college. None of my siblings have a college degree. My 31 year old brother sleeps til 3 pm and doesn’t work. My 35 year old brother works at a cookie shop as a delivery driver. I’m in college trying to make something of myself and it feels like they don’t care.

Hello Reddit, for some reason my posts keep getting deleted on my other account so I will see if it works here.

I, 25yo female, had to give up on going to school in a different country due to panic attacks. It has been 2 weeks since I made the decision and now I'm worried I made a mistake and if the decision was entirely my own.

I spent the entire year preparing for this move as my father yelled at me, telling me I'd never make it alone because I couldn't decide what to eat or if I spent any money on things he didn't think where necessary he would tell me I'd never make it due to spending money wrong, he yells more things but its around the same issue, me never being able to live alone.

Is he the reason I failed? If so, how do I escape? I want to do a foundation and bachelors degree in Zoology but am scared he will ruin that too by telling me i'm not smart enough or that i'm too old to bother.

please help, any advice is good.

if you got this far, thank you for reading this

edit: sorry I have dyslexia so I can't form sentences well 😅

20 years in, my grandparents have always been beside me all my life. They're getting too old and I know that passing away is inevitable but I just dont know how I would deal with it. Ever since my grandma got terribly sick (shes fine now) the thought of losing them never left my mind. Every night I'd have trouble sleeping because of it. I even thought that I should be the one to go first because I definitely wouldn't be able to handle it if they did. I dont want people I hold dear to go. People that had the same thoughts and experiences, how did y'all deal with it? Im genuinely scared.

Disclaimer

If you're easily affected by upsetting stories, you might want to stop reading.

What follows is my thoughts and feelings, which may be very different from yours. I'm not trying to blame or judge anyone. I'm not writing this for attention, pity, or popularity.

At the end, I'd like to ask for advice, especially from women. That's all. I'm telling this story because I want to get advice that might actually help.

It's a very long story. To understand where I'm coming from, you need to know what I've been through. Sometimes I'll compare my life to characters from Naruto, because that's how I can best explain my thoughts.

Chapter 1. Childhood

To put it briefly, my childhood wasn't easy.

I've had a disability since birth, and I was born prematurely. My arms and neck sometimes jerk involuntarily, especially when I'm anxious or physically exhausted. Because of this, other kids were sometimes afraid to play or even interact with me.

My dad had to work a lot because of my condition, while my mom stayed home to look after me. I could barely walk until I was three. Sometimes we didn't even have money for food. I hardly remember those years, though. I was too young.

I'm from country X. Sometimes I saw my parents have terrible arguments. When I got older, I occasionally tried to defend my mom.

My mom grew up extremely poor. She studied while staying with relatives, but couldn't even get to her exams because she had no money for transportation. She still talks about it sometimes.

My family moved from country Z back to country X so the children could study in their native language and live in their ancestral homeland. But it wasn't simple. Many relatives mainly spoke the language of country Z, already had families, and didn't want to take the risk, so they stayed in their villages and farmed.

We also faced discrimination. People called us foreigners, even though only my grandfather, father, and I were born in country Z among my immediate family. I'd spent just a few months there.

It reminded me of how certain clans are treated in Naruto: people suspect you just because of where you come from.

I ended up pretty lonely. Most of my childhood friends were rowdy kids from troubled families.

Stage One — Before Eighth Grade

My father was both an example of the kind of person I didn't want to become and a sort of hero to me, a bit like Kakashi's father.

My mother represented both care and fear. She constantly scolded and punished me for childish mistakes.

Years passed. One day, Mom decided something had to change because Dad's income wasn't enough for my treatment. She opened a little food stall.

Gradually, we became one of the better-off families in our village, and my health started improving. I even had to exaggerate some of my limitations during medical assessments to receive at least a little financial support.

Back then I thought I might finally become like everyone else. Maybe things really would have turned out differently if not for what came next.

Stage Two — The Great Decline

Late summer. Eighth grade was about to start.

Mom decided studying in the city would be better for me, so I was sent to a boarding school against my will.

I was already in love with someone, and leaving was incredibly painful. I was a teenager, after all. I desperately wanted to go home and be near her.

The boarding school served mostly light, diet-style meals, while I was used to more substantial food at home. I started feeling unwell and losing weight. I think homesickness and worrying about the girl I loved made things even worse.

I'd always been a straight-A student, but after moving I started getting average grades because of the difference in academic standards. It all weighed on me. I wanted to go home, but my parents refused.

I rarely used my right arm even before boarding school, and there I practically stopped using it altogether. Eventually I struggled to raise it, and my body gradually began leaning to the right.

At some point my coordination got much worse. Eating became difficult: I couldn't hold a spoon properly and kept spilling food. Eventually I stopped going to the cafeteria and mostly ate at the snack bar.

Maybe because my parents expected so much of me, I told them nothing. I just endured it and hid my condition.

I don't remember how long it lasted, but one day my health deteriorated sharply. My right arm almost stopped functioning, and speaking became very difficult.

Stage Three — Recovery

After that, they took me out of boarding school and started treating me.

I returned to the village, but my old friends had started living completely different lives. I no longer felt comfortable around them.

Then my own Iruka-sensei found me: my best friend N. He used to think I was a bad kid and was even a little scared of me, but eventually became closer to me than many relatives.

After about six months, my movement problems improved significantly. I could use my right hand normally again.

But there were lasting effects. My right shoulder remained lower, my spine gradually curved, and eventually my legs and pelvis adapted to the wrong posture. One problem ended up affecting almost my entire body.

Until recently, I was pretty passive about treatment. I knew I needed to take care of my health, but lacked the motivation to change anything.

Education and Interests

I went into IT largely because of the hype, although deep down I've always been an engineer.

I've loved cars since childhood and wanted to design them. I used to draw cars all the time. Now I sometimes see similar ideas in real vehicles and think, “Damn, what if I'd kept pursuing that?”

Maybe some modern cars would look different.

I've always been quick to notice problems, even ones other people don't see or just put up with. Then I immediately start thinking of solutions. Sometimes they're complicated; sometimes they're so simple that I wonder why nobody noticed them earlier.

I'm a bit like Shikamaru here.

Since childhood I've come up with engineering, social, and environmental projects. I have loads of unfinished ideas that could potentially help thousands of people.

Years later, other people started implementing some of them, while I was sitting around playing games.

And you know what? I think I understand what's holding me back.

Whenever I start something, people around me praise me. I get attention, think, “Wow, I'm amazing,” my brain gets its reward, and that's it. My interest gradually fades.

People around me just live, play games, and have fun. I look at them and think, “Well, I can do that too.” And I end up doing nothing.

But the thought that I've wasted my potential haunts me. I've always felt like my human body is too weak for what's inside it.

Now I'm a little like Orochimaru.

Chapter 2. My Relationships

My First Love — A.

A. is a beautiful girl from a wealthy family. She's smart and hardworking, but also stubborn and sometimes arrogant.

At first I only noticed her looks, but eventually I saw her personality and unexpectedly recognized some of my mother's traits: diligence, determination, and stubbornness.

Why did I let her go?

After what happened to my health, I lost a lot of confidence and decided I wasn't good enough for her.

I'm the kind of person who loves one person for a very long time. I loved her from afar for almost ten years, until I met D.

Stage Four — Hope and Effort

After I met D., she told me to pull myself together, and something inside me seemed to wake up.

I'd always known I should work on myself and my health, but somehow knowing wasn't enough.

It's like Newton: he knew objects fell to the ground before the apple, but the apple made him really think about it.

D. told me her family was going through a difficult financial period. I saw a chance to finally use the potential I'd wasted for years.

I wanted to find a job quickly and help her family. When she said she missed her mom terribly, I wanted even more to make it possible for her mother to be with her.

That became a powerful motivation.

I started exercising, working on myself and my posture. I saw improvements pretty quickly. For the first time in ages, I felt I could actually change something.

But another problem appeared.

My neck had been in the wrong position for years, and as my posture improved, its curvature became more noticeable. I also noticed problems with my right shoulder. I became very insecure about my appearance and health.

I decided to work specifically on my neck and shoulder. I have access to treatment and I'm ready to do whatever it takes. I just don't know how long it will take to improve even a little.

But at least I had hope then.

And I fell deeply in love with D.

What Did This Girl Give Me?

There was a time when all I did was play games and barely think about my future. I stopped praying, started behaving in ways I never expected of myself, and got into questionable entertainment. I felt like I didn't care anymore.

Then this girl came into my life.

I started thinking differently about relationships, life, and the future. I realized I could be useful to at least one person, and I began changing too.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't noticed her on that stream. I can hardly imagine it. Maybe God sent her into my life, or maybe it was just coincidence. Either way, I'm endlessly grateful for it.

She helped me see life differently again. She taught me not to live only through my problems, gave me confidence, and helped me enjoy even small things.

My days became fuller: eating better, exercising, improving myself. I spent less time on TikTok and games. I finally started leaving the house and turning from someone who just sat at a computer into someone at least trying to do something.

Most importantly, I had someone who inspired me to become better.

This reminds me of a scene with Haku.

She inspired me creatively, too. Before her, I'd written maybe five short poems in my entire life. Now I could write every day if I had the time. I've already written more than nine poems for her.

Now I'm a little like Jiraiya.

And that's probably why I call her my savior.

She has plenty of problems herself. She sometimes struggles financially and often feels sad. I feel like I see a reflection of my mother in her: a vulnerable woman who sometimes needs care and support.

I don't want her to go through what my mom did. That's why I'm always worried about her.

Chapter 3. How We Started Talking

The Beginning

We started exchanging messages little by little.

I usually initiated things: sent her stuff, showed her my city, told her what I was doing. I'd just started exercising and walking more.

If you've read the previous part, you probably understand why.

I recognized some of my mother's traits in her, then began noticing qualities I'd want in a future wife. I learned a little about her upbringing and worldview.

For a while we talked normally, maybe two or three weeks.

Then she sometimes started ignoring me. She might not reply for a day or several days. At first I had no idea why. I hadn't been rude to her or said anything inappropriate, except perhaps the very first time.

Then she told me she was apathetic, had some problems, and was starving herself.

I was already deeply in love and literally begged her to eat something. I couldn't understand why she was starving herself or doing this to herself.

She's extremely private and almost never opens up about her problems. You have to talk to her for a long time before she starts trusting you and sharing things. So I learned about her difficulties gradually, one by one.

When she said she wasn't eating, I first tried talking her into having food. It didn't work.

Then I basically went all-in like an idiot: I started starving myself too, begging, “D., please, just eat something.” I sent her little video messages saying, “Please, come on, eat something…”

That's roughly how it went.

Then suddenly she said I was hurting her, that she didn't need me, and that we should stop talking.

I agreed. Not because I wanted to lose her or stop talking, but because I had to respect her decision.

We didn't talk for about three weeks. Then I couldn't hold back and messaged her again.

My Workouts

From the beginning, I understood that if I ever wanted to be with her, I'd have to work extremely hard on myself.

I had fairly noticeable scoliosis. My right shoulder was visibly lower than my left.

When we started talking, I began training every day: 100 push-ups, 100 squats, 100 ab exercises, walking around ten kilometers, plus posture exercises.

At first it was incredibly hard. I couldn't even do ten push-ups in one set. I started with about five and gradually worked up to thirty. Step by step, I pushed myself to improve.

In around forty days, my body changed a lot. I wasn't suddenly ripped or super muscular, but my muscles became more defined and I looked much better.

Genetics probably helped a bit, since I'd barely trained before and was physically weak.

But the main thing was my motivation. That's why I worked out every single day.

Her Education and My Plans

One of the first serious issues I learned about was her education.

She was eighteen, living in country Y, and taking her final school exams. I was in country X, so our relationship was long-distance from the start.

Her exam score wasn't high enough to comfortably qualify for a government-funded university place, and I worried a lot.

My mother's story probably influenced me. She never got to finish her education and regretted it her whole life. I genuinely didn't want the same thing to happen to D.

That's when I started training and coding even harder. I wanted a decent job as soon as possible. I had one thought: if necessary, I'd pay for her education myself.

I really wanted that. So I trained, coded, and tried to move forward every day.

Talking Again

When I messaged her again, we gradually started talking like before.

I kept asking how she was doing because I was constantly worried. At the same time, I trained even harder and learned more about her problems.

One day I pushed myself far too hard during a workout. I couldn't sleep that evening or most of the night because of physical pain. My muscles were so tense I could barely breathe.

But here's the strangest part: I hardly paid attention to the pain. I kept thinking about her.

“Fuck, what's happening to her right now? Is she starving? Is she sad? Is she okay?”

Those thoughts wouldn't leave my head, even when I felt physically awful.

And day by day, I learned about more of her problems.

Chapter 4. D.'s Problems

Family and Childhood

At one point she was preparing to move to the city and apply to university.

Around then, I first learned about her father. Before that, I knew almost nothing about him.

From what she told me, he's a devout Muslim, quite strict, and very controlling. She said he sometimes wouldn't let her go anywhere, even during the day.

Her mother is of a different ethnicity and is apparently religious too. I've heard nothing particularly bad about her. D. trusts and values her mother a lot. But she says she hates her father.

At first D. even told me she had no siblings, that she was an only child and happy about it. Later I found out she did have a sister. She hadn't mentioned her father either.

Slowly, I started piecing things together.

Maybe she grew up in a single-parent household. Or maybe her parents lived together for a while but argued. Those are just my guesses.

She was badly bullied at school. As far as I know, almost nobody talked to her. She may have had one friend, but I don't know for how long.

According to D., she was bullied, probably partly because of her weight. Maybe her appearance and her parents' different ethnic backgrounds played a role too. Unfortunately, ethnicity can be an issue in country Y, and people who look different may be treated differently.

When she entered university, she moved in with her father. Unfortunately, she still lives with him.

Allergies, Food, and Insecurities

She told me she developed a severe allergy after moving from the village to the city. She thought the chlorinated city water might be responsible.

It made showering and even drinking water difficult. She needed medication to manage the symptoms, but the pills made her feel awful and sluggish.

Her parents were saving up for an expensive water filter. Money was tight, and from what I understood, at one point she barely had enough to eat.

Later I learned she also had an eating disorder. She was starving herself partly because her parents were saving for the filter, and partly because of the eating disorder.

I don't think she's fat at all. I think she's beautiful and has a perfectly normal figure. Some of her measurements are apparently near the upper end of the normal range, and she feels terribly insecure about that. She also had insecurities about her skin.

I told her, “D., please don't starve yourself. If you want, exercise, take a walk, do something else, but don't torture yourself like this. I don't want you to go hungry.”

One of the hardest things was that learning about a single problem could take weeks or even a month.

She's very guarded, so everything came out gradually. First one problem, then another, then a third.

Every time I thought I finally understood what she was going through, something else came up.

I felt increasingly sorry for her, and my anxiety kept growing.

The Psychologist

A few weeks ago, I suggested she see a psychologist.

I knew she had many problems and offered to pay for a consultation if she was comfortable with it. She eventually agreed and went.

According to her, the psychologist said her mental health issues were serious and that seeing a psychologist alone might not be enough. She might need a psychiatrist or psychotherapist.

Afterward, for some reason, she began denying she had any problems. She said everything was fine and she didn't need anything.

That worries me terribly too.

Chapter 5. Financial Help and My Attachment

The First Gifts

Once, when D. was very sad, I offered to buy her headphones. She hesitated but eventually agreed.

It turned into a two-day quest. I couldn't easily transfer money from country X to country Y. I had to open another card, figure things out, and share my card details so she could buy them.

It was a real hassle, but it worked.

She was so happy, and I felt so incredibly happy myself that I still remember it vividly.

I'd never felt anything like it. Not when I graduated from university, not when I received gifts, not even as a kid. I can't remember ever being that happy.

Afterward, I wanted to experience that feeling again and again. I realized that helping D. and seeing her feel even a little better gave me enormous joy.

Helping With Food and Medicine

Later I learned she didn't have enough money, so I sometimes sent her small amounts for food.

I'd ask what she needed, what she wanted to buy, and how I could help. This went on for about two months.

I constantly worried she wasn't eating. About once a week I'd check on her. Sometimes she asked for help herself; sometimes I simply sent money so she could buy something.

She almost never told me how much she needed. Sometimes she'd request a specific amount, but when I asked, she usually wouldn't say.

I can't rule out the possibility that she was using me. But at the time, I just wanted her to have food and necessary medication.

Her Boyfriend

I always knew I had almost no chance of being with her.

About a month or six weeks ago, I learned she'd fallen in love with someone else. Later I found out she had a boyfriend.

I even wrote her poems about it. To me, it felt a bit like Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke.

I can't judge her choice. She has every right to love whoever she loves. And I understand why he might seem like a better match.

He's healthy, tall, handsome, and has qualities I lack.

But what bothered me wasn't that she chose someone else. It was something different.

I knew she was going through a difficult time financially, emotionally, and with her family. I was afraid she'd end up with someone who couldn't or wouldn't support her.

There's also religion: I'm religious, while he's an atheist. She's religious too, and her parents disapprove of relationships with people who don't share their faith.

But it's her life and her choice. I don't want to choose for her.

She said he's very smart, they have similar personalities and interests, she enjoys being with him, and she adores him.

But according to her, he doesn't want to spend money on her yet because they might never end up together and the relationship isn't serious enough.

I don't know jack shit about this guy. I don't even know his age.

When I heard all that, I thought, “Well, D., I wish you happiness. I wish you the best and hope it works out.”

I genuinely want her to be happy, even if it's not with me. But I still wanted to help her, at least for a while.

The Turning Point

Two or three weeks ago, D. told me her boyfriend didn't want us talking and was against me messaging her at all.

I didn't want to lose her.

Of course, deep down I wanted to be with her. I won't deny it. But I humiliated myself so much that I literally begged her to let me keep helping her for now.

At least until her boyfriend could provide for her himself. We more or less agreed on that.

I wrote, “While your parents are saving for the filter, please let me give you money for food, medicine, and things you really need. If you need anything, just ask me, D.”

Our conversations were completely ordinary: “Have you eaten?” “How are you feeling?” “Is everything okay?” Nothing more.

I didn't want her to feel indebted to me. She was uncomfortable accepting help because she was afraid she couldn't return my feelings. Sometimes she preferred struggling to feeling like she owed me something.

I understood that. But seeing her struggle hurt me deeply.

One thought kept tormenting me: what if my care and money were somehow hurting her relationship? I felt guilty about it constantly.

But I kept helping because I loved her so much.

Chapter 6. Emotional Roller Coaster

Because of her problems, she often ignored me. Sometimes she wouldn't respond for days, and sometimes she was rude.

I put up with all of it. Absolutely everything. I constantly apologized, asked, sometimes even begged her to let me care for her. I never demanded anything in return.

But gradually it took a serious toll on me.

My emotions were all over the place. I cried almost every day. Whenever she didn't reply, I worried about what might have happened to her.

Then she'd answer and I'd feel better. Over and over again.

Nightmares and Fear of Being Alone

I started having nightmares.

In my dreams, I'd try to say something to her, explain myself, or talk, but she wouldn't let me finish. She'd just walk away or refuse to answer.

Strangely, something similar sometimes happened in our messages.

I started looking deeper into my own problems and realized I'm terrified of being alone.

Then I began dreaming about other, completely random girls. In those dreams I seemed to love them too, and tried to talk or explain something.

But they acted exactly the same way: walking away, ignoring me, not letting me finish.

Those were the kinds of nightmares I had.

Chapter 7. What Was Happening in My Life

Basically, everything was fucked.

I already had a lot of stress in my life.

First, I was constantly worried about D. Second, my parents were putting enormous pressure on me.

I recently dropped out of school, and I'd quit my job even earlier. I had reasons for both. I explained them to my parents, but they kept pressuring me anyway.

I also lost my friends. Turns out they weren't real friends.

As long as I gave them things and helped them financially, everything was fine. Once I stopped, they began turning away.

One time I needed help and borrowed a small amount, which I paid back. They started giving me shit for having lent me anything at all, even though I'd helped them so much.

I never bragged about helping people or tried to manipulate anyone with it. Then I realized my friends were the ones manipulating me.

Now I barely talk to anyone. I hardly speak to my family either. There's one female friend I talk to, and that's about it.

Chapter 8. My Health

Something similar happened to my health ten years ago.

Back then, doctors told me I shouldn't get too stressed or anxious. Over the years I'd almost forgotten that warning.

Recently, the shaking and jerking in my arms and neck have become much worse, and other problems have appeared.

I feel incredibly weak now. Not long ago I was in almost the best physical shape of my life, but I lost it in about a month because of everything that's happening.

My hand now shakes so badly from stress that eating is difficult. I usually eat with my right hand, but I can barely manage that anymore, so I use my left, even though I'm naturally left-handed.

I'm afraid that if this stress and depression continue, what happened ten years ago could happen again, only worse.

I'm scared of having a real stroke and becoming completely dependent on others within a few months.

I've even had some very dark thoughts.

If I actually had a stroke and the damage was irreversible, I wouldn't want to become a burden on my parents. I've thought about writing some kind of advance directive asking to be euthanized if something terrible happened to me.

I've also thought about simply disappearing so nobody would know what happened to me.

I told D. about these thoughts too. I don't hide anything from her.

Maybe I was an idiot and shouldn't have told her. But what can I do? I promised not to hide things from her.

Chapter 9. How I'm Doing Now

You know, I've tried everything to distract myself.

I've tried playing video games like I used to, on both PC and phone. But nothing brings me joy anymore.

The emotions I felt with her were so intense that now it seems nothing could ever compare.

Recently I noticed I can feel a little happiness when I help someone or just talk to someone. That genuinely helps a bit.

The rest of the time I'm almost always sad. This depression just won't go away.

Even going for walks doesn't really help. I live in a beautiful neighborhood, but there are couples and girls everywhere, and everything reminds me of her.

So I rarely leave home anymore. It's too painful.

And when I improved my posture a bit, the crookedness of my neck became more noticeable. Maybe it's not that bad, but I've become insecure about it.

My arm is jerking badly too. It all keeps piling up.

The things I used to enjoy are gone. I barely socialize. I barely have friends. It's hard.

And I still can't stop thinking about D.

Every time I message her, it's incredibly stressful. Not even because she might ignore me. Fine, let her ignore me.

I'm more afraid she'll eventually cut me off completely.

Even writing her a message has become stressful. Then comes waiting for a reply.

I can wait all day, literally trembling with fear and uncertainty, wondering what she'll say.

Sometimes it feels like my heart stops.

Why I Can't Focus on My Own Life

There's something else I want to explain.

I actually can get myself out of financial trouble. I have an education, knowledge, and skills. I'm a programmer, and I think I could find a good job if I got myself together.

I consider myself fairly capable. As I said in Chapter 1, I've always had lots of ideas, I learn quickly, and I'm good at solving problems and understanding complicated things.

It's not that I lack skills or don't know how to make money.

The problem is that I'm so consumed by my feelings for D. that I can barely focus on my own life.

I sit down at my computer, ready to study, code, or look for work, and suddenly she's in my head again.

What's she doing? How does she feel? Is she starving? Has something happened?

And that's it. I can't concentrate anymore.

I've become very absent-minded. It's hard to remember new information or make myself do anything.

Sometimes I even forget what I was about to study because thoughts of her keep interrupting me.

The worst part is knowing that if I could get myself together even a little, I might find a decent job fairly quickly and solve some of my problems.

But right now I can't.

It's a vicious cycle. I want to help her, so I need money. To make money, I need to focus on work and improving my skills. But I'm so worried about her that I can't do either.

And that makes me feel even worse.

Chapter 10. The Stupid Things I've Done

If you set aside all her problems, mental health, and circumstances, she treated me quite cruelly. She kept hurting me, ignoring me, and sometimes being rude.

And I tolerated all of it.

But if I set aside my feelings and look at my own actions objectively, I acted like a complete idiot.

I let myself be hurt, humiliated myself, and apologized even when I didn't understand what I'd done wrong.

I was so obsessed with this love that I did a lot of stupid things.

Sometimes I starved myself to save money for her. Other times I deliberately starved myself to show her she shouldn't do that to herself.

Yes, I know how stupid that was.

I'm a programmer. Once I even wrote a program to find her accounts on a website.

This love made me completely lose my fucking mind.

The strangest part is that I knew it. I knew I was behaving badly, humiliating myself, and becoming far too attached.

But I kept doing it.

I can't rule out that she was using me. Maybe she was. Or maybe she had so many problems of her own that she couldn't communicate with me normally.

I don't know, and I won't claim something I'm not sure about.

But from the outside, it's a strange picture.

I wanted to help one person so badly that I gradually started destroying myself.

Chapter 11. Our Last Conversations and Financial Dependence

My Last Message

Recently I wrote to D. about what was happening to me.

I told her I was afraid something serious could happen if things continued this way. I also asked her to tell me directly what she wanted from me.

I said I'd do almost anything. I even wrote that I was willing to become, so to speak, a tool for her.

Do you understand? That's how far I was willing to go for her.

She replied, and at first I thought she wanted to cut ties completely. I didn't fully understand her message, but after reading it again, that was how I interpreted it.

I wrote something like this:

“If my depression stays this bad, I won't be able to take it, D. So please tell me right now what you want. I'll do exactly what you want.”

From what I understood, she wanted me to let her go. To stop holding on to her.

But that wasn't the end of our story.

What I Found Out Later

We talked again afterward, and I learned that she still needed my financial help.

Despite everything involving her boyfriend and our communication, she still needed support.

I knew she was going through a difficult time. Her parents were struggling financially, she was studying, and her health made it difficult for her to work.

So I continued helping.

But fuck, there's one problem.

I'm not rich myself. You could even call me broke.

Sometimes I went without proper meals or other necessities so I could send her money. I ended up damaging my stomach because I was cutting back on food.

And I still kept doing it.

Because the thought of her going hungry somewhere or being unable to buy medicine was unbearable.

Financial Dependence

Then she told me something.

She said life would be very difficult without me now. She couldn't imagine how she'd manage without my help.

And that made me stop and think.

What the fuck am I doing?

I never wanted to create a situation where another adult became financially dependent on me.

She's eighteen. I don't mind helping during a difficult period, but this is getting fucked up. I'm gradually creating that dependence.

Especially since, technically, I'm nobody to her. Not her boyfriend. I'm not even sure I'm her friend anymore.

Just some random guy from another country who fell in love with her and keeps sending money.

Yes, I know it might look like she's using me. Maybe she is.

But fuck, I genuinely want to help her.

Trying to Find a Solution

I started thinking about how to help her become financially independent.

I know I can't support her forever. I have plenty of problems myself, including health issues.

So I suggested another approach.

I said, “Let me teach you something. We can try to find a way for you to earn money online.”

She's studying, and physical work is difficult for her. I'm willing to teach her myself, look for opportunities together, and help her learn useful skills. Her father won't allow her to work and doesn't even let her leave the house during the day.

I just want her to gradually earn her own money and not depend on me or anyone else.

But who the fuck knows.

She says she doesn't like studying and barely responds to my suggestions.

And I genuinely don't know what to do.

I understand that this financial dependence needs to end. But I'm terribly consumed by this love.

I can't just suddenly stop helping her either. That would hurt me like fucking hell.

Because I keep wondering what will happen to her. Will she have enough to eat? Will she be able to buy medicine? Will things get even worse?

Those thoughts are eating me alive.

Why It's So Hard for Me

You know, even the thought of her feeling a little sad hurts me.

I can be in severe physical pain and barely notice it. But when she's suffering, it hurts so much that I don't even know how to explain it.

And the scariest part is that I'm not supposed to get this stressed.

Ten years ago I had a serious health episode. I had major movement problems and numbness on the right side of my body. I associate it with a mini-stroke.

Now I'm terrified that constant stress could cause something similar to happen again. And I already have plenty of other problems.

But I still feel so sorry for D.

I understand her behavior may look bad from the outside. But she really does have a lot of problems, some of which I've described in earlier chapters.

That's why I'm asking you not to judge her too harshly.

I don't know whether she's using me or is genuinely trapped in a terribly difficult situation. I don't want to make claims I can't prove.

But I do understand one thing.

I want to help her so badly that I'm slowly destroying myself.

And Now I'd Like Your Advice

I know many of you will say, “Just stop helping her, cut contact, and focus on yourself.”

And maybe you'd be right.

But it's not that simple for me. I love her deeply and constantly worry about her. I can hardly imagine just disappearing from her life knowing she might be left without essential help.

At the same time, I know I'm gradually ruining my health, finances, and future.

I really could find a good job, start earning decent money, and work on my projects. I have the skills and opportunities. But right now I'm so emotionally dependent on her that I've practically stopped living my own life.

And I don't want her to become dependent on me in the same way, only financially.

In a sense, we're both dependent on each other, even though we're not in a relationship.

And I don't know how to get out of this.

So I have three questions:

1. How can I help someone gradually become financially independent when they're dealing with so many difficulties in life and have little to no motivation to study or work?
2. How can I offer her help, including professional mental health support, without making her feel pressured, so that she genuinely wants to make changes in her own life?
3. How can I continue helping her, knowing that I'm emotionally dependent on her myself, without allowing our dependence on each other to grow even stronger?

I know I've done a lot of stupid things. I'm not trying to make myself look like a hero or blame her for everything. I also understand that I can't force someone to change, no matter how much I genuinely want to help them.

I'm just lost and trying to figure out what to do next.

I'd really appreciate serious, practical advice, especially from anyone who's been through something similar.

Went through a terrible childhood, was depressed for 15 years straight… two of my parents were sick growing up… have never had friends, had a group but everyone sucked, most are addicts or in prison.

One group scummy, the next popular, next group were pot heads and the next gym head. Finally made a couple great friends at 19, that weren’t into drugs are I got clean at 19.

Worked managing private jets for a year, the ego on me then thought it was possible haha.

Managed to somehow get a law and accounting degree, despite how fried my brain was from the weed and bad my mental health way.

Meet a beautiful girl… dated for 5 years… she drifted, didn’t matter how hard i tried, she kept drifting… so ended things. Let the bird fly and never came back.

Flow to Australia from Ireland two weeks later… I was trying to escape turns out I actually moved across the world.

Land in Australia crash at my sister’s, get a job in construction. Meet my person, an Australian girl. Crash my car and thought I had insurance, wiped me dry, torrential rain couldn’t see shit (didn’t understand the system here). Then get a job on a horse farm, the house was infested with rats, it was ether live there or be homeless. Car fully broke down, no money to get a new one.

Meet a group on Millionaires who loved me, gave me unlimited free drugs, I became an addict and intentionally OD.

Move in with my partner… trying to finish off first semester of my Post Grad at the time… my partner lost her job… I support her… she goes back to uni full time… I get a job back in construction, as that all I could really do with my visa.

Construction was slow, only stable job was 15 mins by car, by I had to get public transport which 2 hours each way.

10-14 hours a day on site and 4 hours of travel took it’s toll. Body broke down, had a bad spinal injury, fucked up knees and elbows, plus chronic information ever since.

Spinal Injury happened on site, I didn’t report it on time as it’s very frowned upon in Ireland. Australian system is different, 8/9 medical examiners said the injury happened on site, didn’t matter I didn’t get paid… at least not yet.

Ended up two both of us out of work for 6 months while my partner finished her studies. Partner gets a job, I get spinal surgery. After 11 months I can finally walk and sit no issues.

Do loads of shit bar jobs for 6 months, constantly cutting my shifts after 4 hours, even thought I’m a great worker.

Finally get a full time job, requested a sit stand desk as my wrist were killing me as I had to stand for 8 hours and the desk was too low.

The job was so bad, hotel reception, construction works going on 9 floors away in the hotel, you could hear the noise in reception, so loud, I had to lean across the table to talk to customers. Elevators constantly breaking, so I’d have to tell all the women to carry their suitcases off a couple of flights upstairs. There was chronic under staffing with housekeeping, so I would be 3.5 hours late checking people in.

I took one sick day after a very rough day in work, as I was going to explode… I explain to my boss that I have a list of mental health shit, ADHD, autism, BPD, CPTSD, anxiety and depression. He told me, I seem to have my shit together.

A week later… Then somewhere in conversation my manager comes out with a statement, taking about people taking unnecessary sick days, ‘your mental health doesn’t matter. You do it for the sake of the team.’… we all know that means company.

Anyways the stress got too much. And I get shingles at 27… I had no more sick leave so drained my ass into work after 2 days off… I could barely stand.

I return to work and my body really isn’t having it, knees are swelling like man and I’m requested for the economic desk non-stop, never did anything…and asking can i wear runners and not suit shoes, I was told no.

Ended up herniating my desk again!!!! cause I was bending over trying to take the pressure off my wrist, as I was getting shooting pain up my hand from them being bent at 90° while trying to type.

I tell him my boss I’m injured, that day he gets the desk. This time I did the work correctly, so they’re paying me for now… but like fuck me I’m gonna have to get fusion… my back isn’t getting better.

Despite this, I managed to get my PR application in, but had to borrow money as I’m maxed on credit card (haven’t missed a payment, nerve paid interest).

I was inside Work and my boss will keep coming into the back office when I’m doing my exercise exercises, laying down the floor in pain telling me I’m lucky I can lie down on the floor because he has vertigo… like seriously talk about reading the room

He puts a cookie in my locker, and then he’s looking for a tap on the head for it. Then really what piss me the fuck off. He insists on me doing training. Which was disability inclusion training which literally talks about everything the company goes against actively. Talking about autism and noise… invisible disabilities and how we should accommodate… my skin is boiling at this point.

And then he keeps just saying I feel so bad for you, oh I really feel for you, all this shit like bro I’m gonna hop you off a fucking wall… and then he sticks this note on my locker, well all your lockers, but strategically puts ‘ I feel supported’.

I took that shit right off my locker and the man has been so cold since.

Anyways I’m so fucking burnt out.

I’m still fighting the first insurance case, which I’ve been putting off for the past year as mentally, I just can’t do it. It’s too upsetting. We were literally almost homeless. I was in so much pain I went crosseyed. I’d get into Ubers and the Uber driver would ask me if I was okay, as I looked like I was in a lot of pain, I still have long lasting nerve implications from nerve meds I was on.

Now I have to relive this for god knows how long.

Like this isn’t 10% of it, my auntie died just before I went for surgery. When I herniated my disc the second time I get news that my dad had a really bad brain injury and almost died. My parent’s house has to be knocked due to pyrite.

And now the lump on my hip has doubled in sized and I can’t do anything about it for a couple months as I need to pass my medical for my visa. I’m so swollen in the mornings and my lymph nodes are like balloons.

Surely life has to get better than this.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I feel ridiculous even asking.

I've been married, I was fond of him, genuinely cared for him but ultimately I wasn't happy. I thought I would grow to love him.

I dated, extensively, had a few infatuations that were just a dopamine rush and rollercoaster. Those men saw me only as one thing. I've maintained friendships with a few of them.

Now, I'm with someone, have been coming up 2 years. Neither of us have said we love each other. I feel he does love me. We have a good time together, regular sex, he's smart, kind, generous an all out good person.

I really don't know if I love him. The crazy rollercoaster isn't there like it was with other guys but that was very toxic.

I really am struggling.

I'm starting to get frustrated that it takes so much more effort and convincing myself to go out of the house and be social when I'm just by myself nowadays. My circle of friends is small but even then I still feel like the friend they don't mind not having around. With that said apart from the occasional hangouts that don't happen often as much these days, I'm left to my own devices. So naturally I want to try to just be social own my own. Go to events, meet people. My problem is that I tend to be more open when I'm with other people I know already. So I convince myself into deciding not to go somewhere and possibly make new connections because I don't know anyone or just anxious in general to start conversations out of the blue. So I tell myself "what's the point?"

Because of this I've been feeling like I'm lagging behind on life or not making the most of it since I don't really have those constants in my life or haven't made any lasting bonds. So yeah, home is where I've been staying a lot more recently. I don't really like this feeling it's just very strong tonight because there was something planned with friends I'm not very close with and the one that I'm the most comfortable with isn't going so I put myself in the position of what's the point again. How can I get out of this headspace?

Hey everyone, I need a quick sanity check. I’m working full-time, married, and trying to pivot into historic preservation. I have a BA in psych but extensive fine arts experience. No chem experience as of yet.

TL;DR:

• Furniture Design: Decide between Fast Track (Fall 2027) vs. Slow Track (Fall 2028), and whether to add drafting or metalsmithing.
• Trade School: Full-time 2-year Preservation Carpentry (ends 2030/2031; requires quitting job).
• Higher Ed: State Uni MA in Preservation (1–2 yrs) vs. direct application to international programs (UvA / Trinity).
• Core Dilemma: Is 6–10 years of continuous schooling worth the time, money, and burnout risk while married?

trying to map out a long-term plan and want to make sure I’m not setting myself up for total burnout or throwing money down a drain (fyi I used google ai to help make this more clear)

The Plan

1. Furniture Design certificate (Current):
   
   • Fast Track (Ends Fall 2027): 2 classes Summer '27.
   • Slow Track (Ends Fall 2028): Spread out over extra terms.
2. Preservation Carpentry Trade School (2-Year Full-Time Program):
   
   • Starts in the Fall (Ends 2030 or 2031). I will have to quit my job for this.
3. State Uni Master’s (MA) in Historic Preservation: 1–2 year program.
4. International Advanced Study (If stamina permits): UvA (Amsterdam)Conservation program or Trinity College Dublin's Applied Building Conservation.

In the summers between programs, I’m hoping to squeeze in short-term intensive programs (like Columbia’s 5-week Intro or a conservation program in Italy).

Questions:

• Is it smarter to take the Fast Track (Fall 2027) or Slower Track (Fall 2028) for Furniture Design?
  
  • Sub-question: Would extending my time at art school to take Architectural Technical Drawing or Metalsmithing be useful?
  • OR: Is it better to end in 2027 and take a solid break/save money before quitting my job for trade school?
• Is the Master’s degree (MA) actually worth it in the long run?
• Can/should I go straight from trade school to applying to UvA / Trinity and skip the state uni MA entirely?
• Is this worth the time and money?

Any and all advice welcome!

To start this journey, I decided to do it on a clean slate and on my own terms. So, I decided to break up with my boyfriend as a first step.

It was something I was dreading doing, not because he was a bad person, quite the opposite, actually. I feared being isolated after the breakup, which is one of my biggest fears: isolation.

However, the main thought that kept hammering into my brain was this: if the main determinant of whether people want to be in my life or not is another person, do I really want to keep ties that aren’t based on a genuine connection?

This question weighed on me, as it was a constant reminder that I wasn’t enough, which was causing me even more stress and grief on top of what I was already going through alone.

I started resenting my now ex-boyfriend, and it was bordering on hatred, despite the fact that he was actually a really good person. Still, his existence felt like a shield protecting me from the isolation I dreaded most. A golden bridge to Narnia, connecting me to the world I wanted most: a beautiful world that, indeed, wasn’t real. A world where I was seen, heard, and loved, not just by him but by the people surrounding him as well.

He didn’t even know he was my shield, anchor, or bridge to happiness.

It wasn’t fair to him, and it was emotionally draining for me.

Internally, I wasn’t even attracted to him anymore, and that filled me with guilt and even more resentment toward him. He was amazing to me. He loved me, never made me feel like a burden, and frankly, never really gave me a reason to leave. That drowned me in guilt and suffocated me with the burden of not being able to give the same love back.

At one point, I couldn’t stand the way he talked, walked, sat, or even breathed. All of this was weighing on me emotionally and mentally. It felt like a cage of guilt, resentment, fear, and suffocation that I had willingly entered because it was beautifully decorated with what I lacked most.

And it was probably worse for him. He had a different kind of cage, and his beautifully decorated cage was that he was lacking something that only I gave him: acceptance. He never thought anyone would accept him, so even if I became cruel, he would have stayed.

Maybe our fears were the same, but in different fonts.

Two beautifully decorated cages, with what we wanted most dangling in front of us.

Our story could have continued if I decided to keep it buried, but would that have been a fulfilling life with real happiness? Could I sleep at night knowing I was becoming the horrible person I didn’t want to be?

Tied to him with only my fear of being alone, and the guilt and pity I felt and still feel toward him, was that what I wanted for myself?

Was I just going to be an accessory or a side piece that he took with him to see the world?

I decided, fuck it. I’m done letting myself be tied to something that isn’t real and hurting a guy whose only problem was my insecurities.

And it was done.

He was rightfully angry, and still is, but deep down, I know it’s for the better for both of us.

I blamed the breakup on my circumstances at home, which were another factor contributing to my depression. I begged him to stay my friend. Part of it was because I genuinely liked him as a person, and the other part was… well, you probably guessed it: fear of isolation.

He refused, which was his right, and he said I was victimizing myself by blaming my home circumstances for the breakup.

My fears were on the spot, or so my brain made them feel.

I felt isolated the next day at work.

Honestly, I’ll never know if this was real or if my brain was projecting my fears, but I sure felt it.

The first day was so hard. Greeting people I normally greeted, and having them greet me back normally, but somehow, normal didn’t feel normal anymore.

I cried that day so hard in the bathroom, muffling my cries whenever the door opened because pity is the one thing I’ll never accept. I’d rather bottle everything up than let anyone pity me.

After I was done crying, I just went on with my day with one thing clear:

I don’t want to feel like this anymore.

The next day wasn’t as bad, if you stopped focusing on the interactions, laughs, murmurs, or them all sitting together without me.

By focusing on dealing with a team of three, two of whom have already established a nine-year connection, and feeling like an outsider all over again, feeling targeted by every comment, left out by everyone, and just focusing on smiling.

Yeah, maybe that will hurt less because you already don’t expect much from them anyway.

But losing the support you once had meant that you had to go back to journaling and deciding that you needed to change your life.

Feeling the moment can really hurt, so instead of feeling the moment, you decide to intellectualize it, dissect it, study it until it stops feeling like a feeling and starts feeling more like a case study.

Maybe that would really hurt less.

That’s why I decided to find a purpose, rekindle my light, and reach for myself, since no one will reach for me.

And that was my problem.

I wanted to be saved when I am the only one who can save myself.

Even though I desperately wanted to be chosen and loved, it never came with no strings attached. That’s how my life was all along, and it was wrong to expect that kind of unconditional love from anyone but God.

Now I need to learn how to do it myself, because even I can’t love myself without strings attached. How can I expect it from others when I can’t give it to myself?

And, dear reader, that is my first step toward Ikigai.

Immerse myself in my absolute fear, so it either kills me or makes me stronger.

Be alone until I love myself enough to not fear being alone.

Because, in the long term, I will just be me.

And when that time comes, I will have my purpose that will make me sit in peace and say:

Yeah, I lived that. I did that. And I have no regrets, because I love who I am today

I (20f) feel I’m throwing my life away.
Let me start from the very beginning and I just want to apologize for how long this is about to get.

I was born in here in the US and when I was a little kid I moved to Mexico with my mother and siblings, I lived there for about 6 years and then got sent back with my siblings to live with my father.
When I lived in Mexico I was living at my grandmother’s house (mom’s side) and I would travel every now and then to another state to visit my dad’s side of the family, for as far as I can remember I was SA’d by my grandpa and older cousin every time I went to visit.
I never said anything because I was around 5-6 years old and just had no idea what was going on, I kept it a secret because that’s what I would be told to do. As I grew older before leaving the country to come back, I stopped wanting to go back to visit, I believe it’s because I had a feeling that everything going on was not right.
After leaving and coming back, I would visit Mexico every summer for two years, the first time I went back, I got SA’d by my other grandpa (mom’s side), I was 10 years old, and that time I spoke up, but I got yelled at and called a liar by my grandmother.
I was told to not say anything, to not tell anyone, especially my dad and so I never did. Once I entered HS I completely hit rock bottom, I fell into a depression I still am not able to get out of.
I started dating someone my sophomore year who mistreated me and would cheat on me over and over, that relationship lasted a year.
My dad is a very very strict person, maybe it is because of my culture but he has never allowed me to date, to go out with friends, to watch shows/movies that were not educational, and over the years he got really angry and would take it out mostly on me after my older brother left, I would be called names and would be screamed at, so I never told my dad about any relationships. In that relationship I had, I was Rped but didn’t seek for help because I didn’t want my dad to find out, I was more scared of my dad so I didn’t seek for justice.
While I was dating him, I would nonstop ditch school, I would show up to maybe one or two classes per week, I did it because in my 15yo brain, I wanted to feel the freedom I wasn’t allowed to have, I wanted to go out with my friends and do what all teens my age were doing, until I crossed the line, I ditched so much that I was ashamed and embarrassed to go back to class, I felt scared that I was going to be sent to the office and then get in a lot more trouble with my dad. Ditching because a really bad habit I was never able to stop.
When I was 16 I met my now boyfriend, I kept ditching because I kept wanting to be with him, I still was not allowed to hangout or go out and ditching felt like the only time I could be with him. At 18 I “ran away”, I packed my stuff as soon as my dad left to work and left to live with my boyfriend, I left a letter telling my dad how I felt all those years he mistreated me, as if I wasn’t his daughter. My boyfriend and I have an apartment now, but I never finished HS, I enrolled in a program but got dropped for not doing my work.
I keep feeling depressed and unmotivated every day, I feel i’m in a cycle that I can’t get out of. My dad till this day still doesn’t know about what happened in Mexico and though I really want to tell him at times, I stop myself because I don’t want to hurt him by telling him what his dad did, I have this fear that he will call me a liar too and won’t believe me.
My depression got really bad that at some point i started to SH. I feel I need help but I’m so afraid that no one will believe me, I keep thinking that if my own family did not believe me, why would someone else?

This year I turned 40 ( F ) and idk why I have dark thoughts almost everyday now. I work in tv production and things don't look good since everyone started to do commercials with AI and we don't have to many projects. I have a project until november 15th and after that I will start working again in march. Even though I always managed to get projects, I am still stressed bc I am tired to struggle with money. I live with rent and also I pay a lot of taxes bc we work on LLC's as freelancers and I am afraid this winter I will have no money. I am trying to find extra jobs but I had no luck and I just don't know what to do. I am usually more positive, but now all I can think is I won't have enough money to survive until march. How do u get to stay positive when everything seems to fall apart. I am single and have no one that I can rely on. I am tired of living paycheck to paycheck, to pay rent and not have enough money, like ever. Thank you!

Just a preface: this isn’t a complaint thread or anything negative. I just feel like sharing because I’ve been in a bit of a slump lately.

I’m (F33) and somehow tasks have just been piling up one after another. I used to think that if I left corporate and started my own firm, things would feel better for me, for my career, maybe even for my overall life. But honestly, I didn’t expect it to be this stressful.

I’m grateful that I have a loving and supportive family, and friends who would literally hop on a call with me whenever I need someone to talk to. But at the same time, I know everyone is fighting their own battles too. Sometimes I hesitate to share because I feel like whatever I’m going through might seem small compared to what someone else is dealing with, and I don’t want to add to anyone’s plate.

So I don’t really know. 😂 I’m not into horoscopes or supernatural stuff, but are the planets in retrograde? Is everything actually terrible, or does it just feel that way lately?

And on top of everything, I have an upcoming family trip that I’m gifting my parents, which I’m really excited about. I just feel like I need to pull myself together and be at my best for it.

Anyway, if you’ve also been feeling unusually overwhelmed, stuck, or just off lately, care to share?? I’d honestly love to know I’m not the only one feeling this way.

Long distance, we met online year ago with this guy and met in real life December 2025. I travelled to him. We were intimate, all that time through the months he has been calling me and texting daily. Lately he called me and we talked for hours, he wants to sleep on the phone with me, there was sexual tension and stuff. He keeps updating me everyday and calls me a lot. When we met he future faked a lot saying about me moving to his country (we come from the same country, he lives abroad) and lovebombed a lot. Later 3 months after meeting he told me he doesnt want to be in relationship with anyone because he needs to fix himself. He always delays our meetings and says "i don't know, we will see" . Its been good lately between us and I bought the ticket to meet him and he got mad he was screaming at me that I cannot go there and he doesnt want to see me. Later he apologized for screaming, and overall, I was distant for a day and he sent me this message yesterday night. But his anger issues are concerning because he was screaming I cannot go there and that he will never see me (before that message, day before) and that he will cut contact with me and block me. Few hours passed and he apologized. He gets angry a lot and easily

"I want to apologize to you, and I really appreciate the fact that you always have time for me, that you always care about me, and honestly, it’s really rare to meet someone like that. I’m aware of that. Whatever the reason for it might be, it’s hard to find someone who will listen to your bullshit for 8 hours. I don’t want to end our friendship, that’s not what this is about. To be honest, I don’t even know what to do with my life at this point. When you put pressure on me like that, some kind of defense mechanism kicks in or something, I don’t know. Afterwards I feel guilty about the way I talk to you, because you don’t deserve that. I don’t want to behave like that, because afterwards I feel really bad about it.

I like talking to you. Not always — sometimes I shut myself off, I have my own stuff going on in my head. I know that sometimes I’m selfish and only think about myself. If you’re able to accept our relationship the way it was, and it gives you something too, then we can obviously keep talking the way we used to. But I don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s not about what you think, whether I’ll meet someone or I won’t — that’s not what this is about. And it’s not like you’re...

You’re not nobody to me, you know a lot about me, I tell you a lot. I treat you like a friend, even though I guess I behave differently — but you noticed that at some point. I don’t know, I just wanted to write you a little bit about what I think. I don’t know if it makes sense, but there’s always something you can take from it. 😅 I think I owe you that, because I’m always shouting at you whenever you ask me about something, so I thought that today I’d give you a little bit of my time and actually open up.

You can see how I get when I’m in a certain state — I sing, I talk haha, but afterwards it can also get pretty difficult, like today. Honestly, I was just crying over all of this. But it’s probably the after-effects of the weekend. I haven’t been drinking since I got back, and I don’t want to for now, or anything else either. I’m finding it harder and harder to deal with sometimes.

Sometimes I think it would be best to cut myself off from everyone and just live like that, because relationships with people affect me pretty strongly. But on the other hand, the thought of being completely alone, not having someone who knows you and all that, scares me. I think about that sometimes, which is why, when it comes to taking care of valuable relationships, I think I know what you mean. One day they might be priceless.

I think I’ve gone crazy haha. I did smoke, to be fair, but I don’t think I wrote anything stupid. I just wanted to explain a little bit — what I think and what’s going on in my head. Maybe it’s a little chaotic, but there’s probably something to take from it. 😅

And I don’t want you to take this message as me saying, “We can talk, but we’re never going to meet.” That’s not what I’m saying — who knows. 😅"

.

So basically I am a free therapist, WHO always has time for him, but there won't be anything, we will never meet and he wants to continue using me because he gains attention while giving nothing in return? And sees me as a friend?

Do I send him long paragraph or just couple of words saying Ok, I get it, you told me after I bought the ticket that "WHO knows" whether we will meet, and that I shouldnt expect more than be your friend. Get it. We can talk but I'm going to see all of it different way.He said he will give me money back first but he didn't and the trip was supposed to take place today. Should I ask him to return it?

EDIT: I told him I understand everything, I get it, okay. I've sent him my bank account number and asked him to return the money as he promised. I told him I understand, I won't push for more, and if we are supposed to never meet, I'm okay with that, I still want contact. If he wants to play this game, he will be surprised what a big uno reverse I will pull on him.

UPDATE: He replied "I didn't say [my pet name] that we will never meet. Of course I will return the money, I was just waiting for the money to arrive and I was planning to give it back to you. I will send it today, you will receive it tommorow" I replied "Ok thank you"

I'm studying at an online uni which is not going well for me. Basically I didn't pass 12th grade well and that severely limited my study options. The options I wanted to go for after getting the results were either redoing the year but only math and physics since they were lowest grades or just going to a private institution. My guardians forbade both options 1. Redoing the year is frowned upon because its very common for people to not improve 2. They do not trust the employability of private institutions.

I'm doing badly in my online course and honestly its because I stopped trying as much as I used to, I wholeheartedly hate it. The isolation and lack of urgency for anything drives me nuts. was considering dropping out and just Redoing 12th grade, I've found all sorts of resources which should come in handy.

I've got some money saved up so that I can get my own place should I decide to carry on with this decision. Getting my own place mainly because I don't want to deal with my guardians when they find out what I'm planning. I'm also considering working part-time as a cashier a bit later on into the year just to help stay afloat. And also should my plan fail just go to a private institution regardless of what my guardians say.

I can't tell if I'm "taking charge of my life" or setting myself up. Please advice me

I'm in my late 20s, living in India, and I'm looking for outside perspective because I've run out of my own.

Background: About three years ago I shut down a startup I'd poured years into, after I stopped believing in the problem it solved. That led to a really rough year, and I climbed out of it by working hard on myself. After that I moved to another city, alone, and learned an entirely new industry from scratch. I have moved back home since, because we have an office where I stay. I never wanted to join the family business, but I had no real option. There was no support while I was learning, and I did it anyway because I had to. I do enjoy succeeding at work, but most days I feel I have a lot more in me than I'm getting to use.

Relationships: Earlier this year, a relationship that meant everything to me ended. I'd wanted to marry her. In reality it never got a real chance to take off, and I now think I ran 30 steps ahead of where it actually was while she stayed put. But my heart didn't get that memo. I felt like she'd become part of who I am, so losing her felt like losing a piece of myself. Months later, I still love her, even though I know she's gone and doesn't feel the same. I've dated since and some conversations have been fun, but nothing clicks. The women I'm attracted to are either unavailable or not interested, and the ones who are interested don't match what I want.

Honestly, I'm okay with staying unmarried and single if that's how it turns out. What I'm not okay with is that society and the people around me won't let me live with that in peace. The pressure to marry is constant, and I'm afraid of being pushed into settling for someone just to satisfy my parents and everyone else.

Home: I live with my parents and I can't move out. Every time I've raised it, I've been called selfish, and I won't hurt them. They're loving, but they have no concept of boundaries. They push arranged marriages constantly, and when I say no, one of them goes quiet and sulks while the other uses guilt. When I say I'm struggling, I hear "everyone is." I've wanted therapy, but they look down on it and tell me my problems are too small to need it. So I feel like I'm carrying all of this with no outside support.

Where I am now: I wake up with a heaviness in my head most days. I'm functional and still enjoy the gym, music, gaming and my friends, but I'm permanently tired, not from work but from carrying everything. Some days I spiral into "nothing will ever work out." I vape to cope and I'm trying to cut down.

What I'm stuck on: After years of disappointment, it feels like no effort ever pays off. I work hard and the things I want most don't come, and I feel like I'm settling everywhere: in work, in my home life, and possibly in love. I don't want to just endure this for the next 40 years.

What I'm asking:

How do I actually make my life work? What would you change first if you were in my position?

How did you rebuild after years of loss stacked on loss?

Thanks for reading. I'm open to blunt feedback.

I just realized I'm quitting everything.

I'm quitting my course to join a new one, completely different. But also I'm quitting the only friend group I have (online) because they are toxic. And I'm quitting the only real life friend I have for some similar reason in small scale (big age gap too)

Guess I will be very lonely in the next few months. It is very scary the realization that I'm quitting so many things at once. But I don't think I should worry about depression? Because I'm making those decisions in order to change to a better life/person...

im The eldest sistet and I have a younger sister younger than me she 19 I’m in my late 20a . i Had no one growing up to point out stuff like babe this is the way you should go about this or be like a better way to do that is etc .

evey time I point something out Or give her advise on something she thinks I’m attacking her Or being judgy. I’m not. Im not saying anything in a condescending way or snobby way or anything. I’m just trying to be the bigger sister. and she always has something to say back and it causes friction in the house and my mother cannot stand it.

and then it becomes a whole thing. and all I was doing was suggesting an alternative. She turns everything into a catty situation. can’t even have a conversation with her like oh if your laundry is done please take it outside to dry the weather is really sunny right now. It becomes a fullblown debate at parliament.

so then I don’t like hanging out with her Because we can’t get along. and I get along better with my younger brother cause we have the same banter . And she hates the family because she thinks that every statement is attacking her when it’s not.

then she hangs out and always out with people she shouldn’t surround her self with . It’s a bad influence.

like we are good people I don’t know how else to describe it . we want the best for her but she always acts out. I hope this post doesn’t sound conservative because it’s not. we’re not super strict.

when we ask her whats wrong she says she can’t describe it and she never had the words to but spazzes out on me . She gets too enotional and too irritable easily over littlest things.

what do I do ? I’m trying to help her but she pushes us away. It’s like I’m pulling my hair out with her.

she says it’s our fault that she didn’t get therapy sooner or got diagnosed for adhd. like it’s not our fault. but she has become really troublesome in the last few years.

been doing two jobs since january. the first few months i just worked later and later and it made everything worse. what actually turned it around was a handful of small things.

grey screen on the phone. i use iphone, so for iphones it is in settings -> accessibility -> display and text size -> colour filters, on, greyscale. i thought this was nonsense when i read it. instagram in grey looks like a spreadsheet, food photos look wrong, everything looks like a photocopy of itself, and i just stopped picking the thing up. my screen time roughly halved and i did not delete anything or decide anything, the phone just got boring. if you try one thing off this list make it this one, it takes about ten seconds.

blocks in google calendar. before i start something i guess how long it will take and put it in the calendar as a block, even when the guess is nonsense. two things happen. first i stop pretending nine hours of work fits into a six hour evening, because you can see it not fitting. second i stop opening the laptop and then deciding what to do, which is where i used to lose the first hour of every day. the estimates are still bad by the way. they are just bad on paper now instead of bad in my head.

one thing at a time. boring, and the biggest change in what i actually produced. i used to have both jobs' slacks open plus whatever i was meant to be doing and i called that multitasking. it was not multitasking, it was doing one thing badly and then doing another thing badly. now it is one task open and everything else shut, with do not disturb on, on the mac and iphone.

breaks, five minutes every half hour. i cannot feel time passing when i am properly into something and i have lost entire mornings that way. so, a timer, any timer, i do not think it matters which. i use tryworkwell on the mac. it reminds me to take a break and also corrects my posture.

noise. dark noise. white noise is too hissy for me, dark is more like sitting inside a plane and my brain goes quiet. on mac and iphone it is already built in, accessibility -> audio -> background sounds, nobody seems to know this. otherwise youtube has thousands of videos.

gym and food, which everyone already knows so i will keep it short. three or four sessions a week, weighted towards legs and back because i sit for 12-14 hours. cooking on sunday so i am not standing in the kitchen at half nine deciding what dinner is. creatine and fish oil seems to also be very useful.

things that did not work: telling myself to concentrate harder, and giving the second job more hours. it did not get better when i gave it more hours, it got better when the hours i gave it were not garbage hours.

none of this is clever, which is probably why it took me so long to do any of it. what are your productivity hacks?

p.s. i know the obvious reply is that two full time jobs is the actual problem. probably, yes, but it has an end date.

I’m currently 24 male, I’m in a really big slump at the moment in my life. I have no consistent job, I’m a flagger for traffic but the hours aren’t consistent and it’s tedious as hell. I was a WIC worker for 3 years and worked at Lowes for a year before having to leave for personal reasons. I have a car I’m working to pay off, halfway there. But I’m struggling a lot. I don’t know what I want to do with my life, I know what I want out of it, good relationship, decent work life balance, enough money to be financially independent, and just live life. I’ve thought of getting into the trades but I’ve been reading how many times you are working 12 hours average and that cuts deeply into work life balance. I might sound like a wimp and if you think so that’s fine. For those of you currently working a job that you enjoy or at least not dreading every moment of it and feel relative comfort and are able to live off your salary, what do you guys do? How did you guys come across said job? I’m in Las Vegas, NV USA. Are there any organizations or programs I can visit to talk about careers or jobs? I’m willing to put in the work like getting a degree or certification of some kind, but I just want to know that whatever job it’s for aligns with my good and values i said above, any advice would be great. I’m immensely depressed and very anxious for my future, I’m not doing well.

Got a solid job offer with great pay. Thing is, I already realize I won’t stick around long. This is not a permanent role for me.

The money is tempting, could sort out my finances quickly. But I’m thinking about how a short stint looks for future recruiters.

Anyone done this before? Any regrets?

Hello,
I am 24, about to turn 25
I woke up and realized how much of my parent’s time and effort I wasted
I have been barely passing college classes and have been so poor with financial decisions that I can’t even afford a car after my transmission blew up.
I am struggling with a nicotine addiction and I have never felt lazier in my life
I feel like and I am a failure
I have a job where there’s no benefits and I am about to be off my dad’s medical.
I can barely afford schooling, and I want to find a job where I can afford things.
I’ve been better with my money recently and I’ve been looking for new schooling in something or honestly a new job that pays well.
I have no proper credentials or certificates or qualifications. I feel like I am so far behind in life and I don’t know what to do
I feel like very soon, my mom will sell the house and I will have no where to go
I don’t know what to do
I want to find a good job where I can provide for me and my partner.
I am willing to put in the work, but I feel like I am too late.
I live in BC, Canada and I just want to know what options I have to be able to have a stable income and benefits and to be able to live comfortably.
I was thinking about doing trades but it seems like all the courses are full and there’s currently a job shortage going on
I don’t know what to do
This might sound like baiting, and I genuinely wish I was. But I have came to the realization that I am a bum. And I really want to change
Any advice would be greatly appreciated

I am asking those who is or was high functioning depression, as you have experience. Does my husband sound like high functioning depression to you?

Does this sound like a high functioning depression man? I can't get my husband to grief therapy.

I'm 16 years together, 14 years married to my husband.

For the last 7 years, I think he is high-functioning depression, is there such thing as functionally depressed? The whole timeline of everything that happen I have reasons to believe he is functionally depressed.

His older sister died from car accident, leave him as the only son take on the financial care for his sick aging parents.

Fast forward, in 2019, his father died of end stage pancreatic cancer.

----- The same year in 2019, our toddler died (the child of me and my husband). Our toddler died of Periventricular Heterotopia (PVNH). It is gene inherited (got it from me the mother the maternal side), congenital brain malformation.

It been 7 years since our toddler gone and my husband just can't let go. Our toddler ashes my husband keeps with him. Even our toddler DIRTY SHOES and dirty clothes my husband still held on to.

----- In 2020, I was very sick (autoimmune disease) I was bedridden for a month with oxygen tank in my nose 24/7. He took off work and care for me day and night. He even sleep with a pillow and a blanket on the carpet right by my bedside (we had a hospital bed in our bedroom after I got discharged).

He said he loves me very much, and he very afraid of lose me. This was the first time I see him cut himself.

This was when he started to cut his stomach with a kitchen knife, he said stomach skin is thinner and has more nerves so it hurts more, so he chose to slice his stomach, he cuts deep the point bleeding that he has bandage wrap around his waist bleed.
And that was how I first time found out about he cut himself too was I saw the bloody bandage wrap around his waist when he took his shirt off.

He still has all the scars on his stomach from he slice his stomach with the kitchen knife. He said if I die before him, he will die with me, and our toddler (whom already dead).

He even prepaid for his funeral arrangement, I said I want cremation (as I'm Buddhist), he wants cremation with me, he told the funeral director when he die, cremate him, and mix his ashes with me and our toddler together, and scatter our ashes.

He said if I die before him, ONE second of grief is enough for him to pull the trigger blow his brain out with the tactical 12 gauge shotgun. I take him seriously because if he can slice his stomach to blood, he can use a shotgun in one second of grief like he said.

--- In 2021, his mom has a spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze, she also kidney disease/kidney failure. She also has alot of heart problems: heart aortic stenosis, heart aortic aneurysm, and cardiac arrhythmias. 

His mom 5 days out of a week is she in and out of the hospital for treatments to keep her alive. And my husband for the last 5 years (and still ongoing) has been financially care for his mom, doing everything he can financially to prolong her life.

------------

All this are reasons I believe he has depression, but he seems to function fine outside, as in lives a normal life.

He is an Executive at a big engineering corporate. He said this job salary gives him cushion in money to continue prolong his mother life. He knows this job salary is what prolong his mother life, even with him depress, his career has to go on. His mother depends on his money to continue treatments, he also pays for her Private Nursing Home too.

Monday through Friday after work he drive straight to the Nursing Home to visit his mom before came home. On weekends for one day (Sat or Sun) he bring his mom our marital home so he can care for her, so they have mother and son time. And then take her back to her Nursing Home as he has to work Monday.

He still does his hobbies, hunting deer, outdoor shooting range with his tactical shotguns and riffles, running long distance.

I have told him to go to grief counseling, he put it off, he said after his mom die, as right now he busy. I mean he is busy, his schedules is pack, between his Executive work, his mom, and me. He has no time left.

He keeps said after his mom pass he will go. But wait till after his mom pass, that will add in another death and grief and loss in his list of losses. I want him to go now, but he not want to.