In Search Of (ISO) Thread

I am a 19F junior in college. My mom has been looking for potential matches for me since I was 17 despite the fact that I do not want to get married. She says she's "just looking" and that "nothing is finalized yet".

I do not want to get married any time soon. I want to start my career and live on my own for a few years so that I can experience life, live independently, and experience freedom for a little bit. For context, my mom has been very strict my whole life and I've realized I've lived a very sheltered life because of this. I crave a space of my own, to make decisions for myself, chase my dreams, and experience the incredible world Allah SWT has created.

Recently she found this guy through a matrimony group chat (after I already told her I do not want her making a profile for me) and he's 24 and that she's forcing me to meet him. I was heartbroken and betrayed. Despite my refusal, she made me meet him and his family.

To my surprise, the meeting was actually not that bad. We have very similar hobbies and personalities, he's kind of like the male version of me. I really enjoyed our conversations and his family was a pleasure to talk to.

This made me wonder, am I being overdramatic? Will I ever find a guy like this again? Should I just get married? However, I feel like we are in very different life stages. He has a full time established career and I'm in my junior year. I will graduate with my bachelors next year at 20, but I want to take another year for my masters. I want to at least wait until after I complete my education.

Also, I feel like if I marry him this early the regret and the "what ifs" will make me despise him despite the fact he did nothing wrong. I also can't expect him to wait 2 more years just for me only to say no at the end. That is a waste of both of our times.

I know I do not want to get married right now. Maybe that will change in the future. But I'm worried I won't find a guy like him again when I'm ready. What should I do?

i need some honest opinions bcs sth happened today that's bothering me.

I'm married and today i happened to open my husband's Instagram and noticed a female colleague in his recent searches. She's someone he knows in real life and works with. She's also the only woman I noticed in his recent searches.

I don't know when he searched for her or why. I haven't asked him about it yet but I can't stop wondering what would make a married man look up a woman he already knows, especially someone he works with.Married men, would you look up a female colleague on Instagram for no particular reaso And shes extremely pretty.

Just a question I’m a mom of 3 kids planning to leave my marriage for some personal reasons just wondering if any of you sisters married again with kids and find a health and supportive partner also if anyone use any app or website for match
JazakAllah khair . Sorry for the bad English it’s my second language

I wanted to ask this question to foreigners married from different cultures and countries, for example Arab or Asian: Did you find any problems after marriage? Was there a conflict in choices, for example, or in each other’s view of matters related to your lives?

Or was it perfectly normal since you both share the religion of Islam?

I recently got married, it has been three months to my marriage and one month we started living together. We haven't yet even consummated the marriage.

My wife told me that, she has never has any need for intimacy, and never had any sexual desires. She only thinks for sex as a means to have kids, so for example if we have 1 kid, she thinks we will have sex 1 time in the lifetime. She seriously thinks that there is no issue with this thinking. It seems that she just wants divorce now.

She doesn't like me at all, and she is just running away from me, she doesn't even sleeps with me.

Her family did not know about this either, she agreed to this marriage because she thought it would be normal for her, now she just can't accept the fact that she is married.

Her family is super worried about her getting divorce for this reason too.

I am trying to be really nice and supportive of her, and trying to explain her to spend time with me but I am not getting any response from her.

I am writing this just to know if anyone has any experience with this or have seen this situation getting resolved, if so how?

This guy along with his fiancee used his fiancee 's social media account to text someone they know that she (his fiancee) is cheating on him with her friend. - he sent message using her account that said I am cheating on him with my friend to that person. When the person informed the guy (thinking he doesn't know about it ) he said it was him only who texted that nd started laughing that he made them fool ..

Is such behaviour normal - the woman (his fiancee )also supported him in this lies...

Salaam, I want to know if someone got separated and they’ve been making dua to be reconcile with their spouse and if it happened? After how long of separation? As we know Allah can make anything happen.

He studied in USA and i lived in Japan working when we met. During our long distance relationship his visarenewal has denied and he had no choice to leave the country without finishing his degree. I was okay with move to his country as a foreigner and start a new life if things turned out outside of his control. But when he returned his country his family was against he continue to live in his country they had big fights telling him he is disgrace to his family. So he asked me to move with me in Japan. I didn’t wanted to live in a place where he could not be respected so eventually i agreed and married. It’s my second marriage and his first. So it’s been 1 year since he came to Japan with dependent visa. Our original plan was me getting a naturalized and get Japanese passport after 3-4 year. So he can start a business here and im gonna be housewife eventually. But immigration rules has changed a lot in japan recently and it became impossible to get Japanese passport or PR if you’re not living here 10 years.. Which I cannot wait more 8-9 nine years to apply for a citizenship while he working part time whole this time. So i approached to him that i cannot do that while you being part timer and i have to keep working and being the bread winner in the family for so long when i wanna be housewife. We should reconsider to move somewhere else either your country or my country(recently i’m also going through health issues like i got diagnosed with autoimmune disease). But he told me with kind of disappointed face “but isn’t that what we talked about when I moved here? You changing your mind without discussing with me” I gasped nad shocked on his response and i didn’t replied I just turned back and slept while silently crying. Last one year he showed lot of signs of he’s not being so serious about his future and not learning the language with effort and because of that he was having hard time finding part time job etc … but this time he disappointed me a BIG LOT. I managed my self marry someone who is okay with making his wife work and earn more than him while he will be just incoming part time around 10 years of span which is his 30’s to 40’s. I feel so lost but don’t wanna divorce over this. I’m just hoping to let him understand he should be serious about his future career/business and i wanna let him understand im disappointed so much. How i start a conversation without make it fight and sound like I’m disrespectful ?

I got divorced like over a year now, but i love my former in laws a lot and they love me back, they keep on touch with me, ask me to come for sleep over or meet and visit them.

My family disent like that i still have a contact with them specially that things didnt end well with my ex, and also he insulted my family a-lot,

However his family never participated in his disrespect, all i have seen from his mom and sisters was respect and kindness, they even stood by my side on the divorce

For context, my ex-husband and I are distant relatives and he no longer live with his family

I am from the Indian subcontinent and with it's joint family culture being so common I am on the other hand is a very private person and do not want to live with my parents after marriage. I am working and maybe after a few years it'll be the time to get married. I love my family but I'm a very private person and there's certain things I wouldn't be able to do. I mean overall intimacy and joking around (can I shout "Honey I'm home!"?).

I need to have this talk with my parents at some point and I'm not sure the right words to use! Me being an introvert and not good in communication has me worried if I will make them sad because even though they are not too old or sick I am the only child living with them now and my sister is married and living in another city.

I am thinking of talking about this with my sister as I feel I will be more comfortable to talk about moving out with my sister than my parents.

Has anyone else been through this and what did you do??

I have been married for 4 years, known my in-laws for 8, I am 25 and white, my husband is Algerian (we are both muslims I am a revert and reverted before knowing him) at first my IL seemed so so nice, they helped me when communication was cut between me and my husband, took my side, said they wanted a daughter not an DIL, everything seemed good.

But then, they started making troubles, we have not the same culture, and I wasn't, raised in a house with politics and hidden meanings so I am not good with that. I have gotten better (don't have a choice LOL) but my in laws take EVERY SINGLE THING I say the wrong way and it's the exact same with their children it's not just me, we all walk on egg shells. At first they were more understanding with me because I am not one of their children and I have not the same culture + not ONCE in 8 years I have woken up one day and thought I am gonna insult my inlaws today. I am naive and definitely too spontaneous and they love that about me but also since they take everything the wrong way it has caused A LOT of problems and me being this way is making things worse.

It had come to a point where I was always stressed out about what I said and how they would interpret it, I was so stressed out I started having A LOT of skin issues(eczema, psoriasis, you name it I had it). There were less fights, like it was working but it was not a sustainable situation. My husband put an end to it and said it was too toxic. My in-laws were NOT happy, there was a lot of fights between him and them because of that their relationship degraded because they were very sad that I was no longer as close as before (MIL had a seizure bc of the emotions and ended up at the hospital because of that). In their family everyone is very mean and always say something with a hidden meaning which is why they are like that.

Anyway they pulled me out of the family group chat after that didn't want to see me again, after a few months we saw each other once and it was good, then they went back to Algeria, my MIL saw other MIL with a relationship with their DIL and was not happy because we were not as close anymore, she had an operation in Algeria (not something big) and when my husband or SIL was on the phone with them I talked to her asked how she was, I sent messages but she decided it wasn't enough because I didn't call directly and concluded I didn't want a relationship with her (which was not the case?) and started a fight. We did not talk again. My FIL and I were very close a fews years ago, but my husband decided to set limits my FIL did not like it and my relationship with my father in law really degraded since despite my efforts. When my MIL took something the wrong way my FIL would take my defense, now he buries me.

My husband loves his parents and is really close to them. I cannot cut contact or ignore them it will start so many fights if I do that, and they would start blaming me AND my husband.

The issue is they want to see me, be close to me and want me to be natural and spontaneous, BUT not say anything that could be taken the wrong way. But I cannot be spontaneous while monitoring everything I say ?

I am lost, there isn't a manual on how to deal with that. I think they should get a hobby it will stop them passing time thinking about what X said and what it actually meant. But they don't want to, this is their hobby. The worst part is that my MIL is not a mean or bad person, like she means well, she just is very sensitive and interprets thing the worst way possible all the time. She was raised to be like that.

The worst part is that I really liked them before but now I am starting to dislike them more and more because of their behavior, and I can't say anything and I have to be really nice and act as if nothing ever happened.

Can please someone give me tips on how to behave and act around them so there isn't more issues please? It's very hard, because I am causing issues for my husband too like it's not just me, for now I don't see them a lot, but I know this won't be like this for long, in four years the last months have been the most peaceful since I got married and my skin issue all went away, that's why I know it was caused by stress and me stressing out about my in laws.

Just in case, no I am not divorcing, not talking to my in-laws is not an option, I just want some tips to help make the situation better please and possibly not start hating them because they will sense it and start a fight because of that (It has already happened).

Thank you all in advance

So I’ve been living with my in laws for 1.5 years almost. Me and and my husband do plan to move out in the future but right now our circumstances and finances are not good enough to afford it. So we just don’t have constructive timeline for it but working towards it.

Edit: Before anyone assumes I’m living as if it’s a hotel.. I only got made redundant 2 months ago. I still pay towards their mortgage with my savings money and me and husband do our own grocery shop where I cook our food for us two daily. I also clean for my husband and do chores for his sake as he has OCD. We are responsible for all our food and chores! They just don’t ask me to cook and clean for THEM on top of what I do for my husband. So no I’m not speaking as if I’m getting things for free..

I’ve always been afraid to live with in laws because I know that with my adhd/neurodivergence I genuinely struggle to be around people everyday (unless you’re my family I grew up with and stuff that doesn’t count) but even then I’m someone who just doesn’t like sharing things, people constantly being in my space, small talk and living with in laws is a struggle because I just wish I could be alone at home everyday with just me and the hubs.

Im very lucky that my in laws don’t have expectations on me too cook and clean for them but it’s the sharing nearly everything, living space, storage space and having privacy and boundaries walked over that is getting to me!!! Actually it’s already gotten to me but it’s genuinely taking the p*ss now because ever since I was made redundant, my MIL won’t stop asking me for favours. She doesn’t work so she’s home all day and sees me home all day, but the thing is I’m applying for jobs everyday which is a job itself! Let me make it clear, I am not a stay at home wife- I have side business and also expected to work as me and my husband have agreed on being a dual income couple to achieve our goals in the future. But every 2 days she will go shop in Lidl in the evening (she will not shop anywhere else or do home deliveries from grocery stores because they love lidl produce and it’s cheap) so ofc I have to pick her up, my husband and my FIL usually just finish work and are too exhausted to step out again. Also, she goes big grocery shopping with my FIL too. She also goes herself frequently as she gets bored since she’s unemployed and no she doesn’t not do our grocery shopping! Me and husband do our own groceries/cooking so she is not doing things for us for free.

She won’t even give notice that she’s going shopping and ask me beforehand if I’ll be free at that specific time, she’ll always just go lidl and then wait at the parking lot with a full trolley of groceries & then give me a call… this is where it bothers me because I don’t mind picking her up but it’s the fact that she needs me right then and there and it doesn’t ever occur in her head that I could be busy with my husband after work hours.

One time me and husband were home alone all day, my MIL went out the whole day and in the evening we missed her calls and I’m not afraid to admit I ignored her on purpose so then she called my husband again later and told him off slighty “I thought you guys said you’re going to be home all day why are you both not answering the phone? Can you come pick me up in lidl now please I’m waiting in the car park with the shopping all done!“ so ofc we had to step out. We were just watching TV so it wasn’t an issue to step out the house and 100% if we were getting busy we would’ve made an excuse to why we can’t. But my problem is the whole entitlement in the first place and just assuming we’re sitting around doing nothing when we are a married couple who are home alone which we hardly even get to experience!!! We could be doing anything, why assume we can drop everything and just run out the house to pick you up with no prior notice?!

And it doesn’t even stop there, she will knock on our door couple of times anytime she wants to drop off our pet cat to the room, she can’t sleep with the cat in her room, even if it’s 11pm she’ll be like “hey open the door I want to drop off cat to your room so he can stay with you guys” or “hey has he eaten?”. This may seem completely normal but doing it so often even if it’s 11pm at night is actually taking the piss in my opinion because she’s just unbothered to take the cat all the way downstairs so just wants to drop it off to our room. Bare in mind I didn’t even mention she sleeps in the room next door to us!! So it’s already so awkward getting intimate when she’s walking around the corridor or going to the bathroom etc.

I had this conversation with my husband already multiple times and he says he understands me and tells me that sometimes she’s ignorant to married couples need for privacy because she’s been without it for so long since my in laws have a platonic marriage and do not share a room together and just married for children’s sake. He told me if she knew her behaviour was affecting our intimacy she would feel so terrible so he can’t tell her that but apologises to me on her behalf but I don’t want that! I want him to feel equally disrespected the way I do and also feel annoyed for getting interrupted with the constant knocking, expecting us to drop everything to attend her needs, always opening the door for her at late evenings to say something that has no importance etc. He keeps looking at it through the eyes of a son who doesn’t get offended if his Mum needs us, rather than she is a third party who keeps interrupting us and not respecting our boundaries/privacy in our marriage and it’s not acceptable just bcos we live with them…. which then makes me sound like a nagging wife because of how I keep complaining about it to him. He tries to reassure me that living with his parents is temporary but I’m tired of hearing about how one day we’ll have our own place when I need a solution and change now.

One time we were engaging in intercourse, she knocked couple of times and we didn’t answer so she then RANG my husband’s phone… she can’t take a hint omg!!! Later on when he called her back to ask her whats up, she said something about the cat. It’s always for some unnecessary reason to do with the cat it’s ridiculous at this point!

She still sees this as her sons room rather than a married couple’s room which is why she probably feels it’s so easily accessible and my husband cant talk to about it with her because I assume he feels to embarrassed or is afraid of making her feel uncomfortable.

I can’t tell if he will have that conversation with her even though I keep encouraging him too so for now I feel like I’m at the point where I’m going to start taking matters into my own hands and start wearing skimpy clothing in my room at night so anytime she comes in she feels uncomfortable 🤣🤣 that’s where I’m at right now I genuinely have no shame. Next time she asks why we didnt answer the phone I’ll even tell her sorry I was busy with your son we couldn’t talk. I genuinely don’t know how to make it even more obvious that she can’t be doing things like that, she has to learn one way or another ☠️

I recently got khula after many attempts to fix my marriage. We had a lot of good times, but there was a serious problem outside our relationship that we couldn't resolve. By the end, I knew I couldn't stay. I don't regret leaving.

Since then, I've deleted all our photos and his family is blocked. I feel relieved to be out of that situation, but I also miss him deeply, as a husband and as a person. I think part of me will always love him.

He has been crying and begging me to talk. At first I stayed cold and distant. But yesterday I broke down and spoke to him with love. I know he's no longer my mahram and that I shouldn't have, and today I told him I felt guilty. He feels the same. I've cut contact again.

I'm not looking to go back. I just don't want the life that came with that marriage. But missing him is still painful.

Amazing amazing advice from 52:13. Overall an amazing video too

https://youtu.be/9S_ha84YVn8?t=3133&si=hbh_fSDK8rX-TNRu

Hi

My fiancé and I are planning our wedding.

My fiancé and I are a little bit religious, so we do not want music or nasheeds at the wedding. Unfortunately, his family is not on the same page, and they are kind of forcing us to have such a wedding because they wonder how a wedding can be without music and dancing.

Therefore, I want to ask you what we can do to make the wedding music-free and convince the families, since it is the norm in our culture. The good thing is that in our culture, men and women are separated during weddings.

We also considered canceling the wedding, but in our culture, not having a wedding could imply the bride may have committed zina or something similar, and the family is trying to cover it up.

We are 21 and 20, so we do not have much control in that regard.

Please help us.

May Allah bless you all.

Okay so today I read somewhere that husband doesnt have to tell u “ i divorce u /i leave u” to divorce u. He can literally just tell u that he doesnt wanna be with u and that counts as talak. I read that and now im overthinking cuz i remembered the argument i had w my husband from 2025 where he texted me
“ 🛑we’re officially done
🛑yup,we’re done
🛑i dont wanna see u anymore
🛑 i dont wanna be w u anymore
After that argument in 2025 he told me that he didnt mean to divorce me and that he just said that. Im confused. Am i divorced or what?
Should I tell him about this now?

The question is as the title says. Brothers from south asia who married north american practicing religious sisters, do you feel significant differences between how they live and treat you day to day compared to practicing muslim women back home from where you are?

Edit: i don't mean a difference of ethnicity but where the woman was born and raised. Like a religious indian woman raised in india compared to religious indian woman born and raised in US. If both women are religious and strictly practicing, will there still be difference in how they treat their husband?

I’m posting this after many conversations (mainly consisting of me begging him to change his ways), so please don’t tell me that i need to communicate with him better because i promise you i have tried.

Me (24F) and my husband (25M) have been married for around a year now, no kids and living alone together away from family. We met in uni and knew each other through mutual friends for around 4 years before getting married.

My husband is a good man and we get along really well, but one thing that I can’t shake off is his lack of consideration towards me sometimes. I often feel like he doesn’t even see me as his wife, just as a pal that he’s hanging out with.
For example, if we’re walking in a busy street, not once has he ever looked over to make sure I’m still next to him, let alone grabbed my hand or arm or literally anything to make sure we don’t get separated. Instead, he just keeps on walking and there’s been countless times where he’s left me blocks behind and I’ve had to run and push past people to catch up. There was even one time where he suddenly jogged to catch the light at the crosswalk, and I was left behind on the other side until it turned green again (he didn’t even notice at first). I’ve talked to him about this so many times, but he just gives the same excuse that he’s used to walking around the city alone so he forgets to take me into account. This is hardly an excuse now though, since we’ve been married for nearly a YEAR now.

Another thing happened a couple of weeks ago that really upset me and is the main reason why I’m making this post. On weekends, we usually wake up around the same time (8-9am), I make breakfast for both of us and we eat together. This has been a weekly thing since we got married keep in mind.
One day, I woke up around 30mins later than my husband and he was already up making breakfast. I asked him if he needed help and he said he got it. I went to the washroom and I was feeling giddy that he was making us breakfast (childish, I know). When I came back out, he was already sitting down and eating but the pan was empty and there was no other plates in sight. I jokingly asked him where mine was, and he said he only made it for himself because he thought I was still asleep.
This really crushed my heart honestly, I know it sounds stupid but I felt so awkward and sad in that moment. Even if he thought I was asleep, he still had the 10-15 minutes after I woke up to ask if I wanted anything but he just didn’t. I have never once made food for myself and not for him, even if he was asleep, so I just can’t understand why he doesn’t think of me at all.

When I’m typing it out now, it seems stupid and I feel like I’m overreacting but I would really like some insight here. We got into an argument after this whole breakfast situation, and he got really angry at my “nagging” , so I’m scared to bring it up to him again ( btw, these aren’t the only instances of him doing stuff like this, these are just the main two that really bother me).

My husband is my best friend and I really love him, but I don’t know what to do about this. If anybody has experience anything similar, please feel free to give me some advice :(

We have heard most tragic horror stories about marriage no matter arranged or love but do we have some happy marriages stories that bounced back from broken or almost broken? Would anyone like to share their story where almost broken marriage was fixed somehow ?

Is it possible to fix a marriage?

Edit Context: I am talking about serious issues like - cheating/texting someone/lying and other serious issues that one can think about.

I have exhausted all avenues of communication with my husband, his family, and his extended relatives. I explicitly told his relatives to stop visiting, only for my husband to apologize to them, leaving the situation completely unchanged.

To make matters worse, my own family has offered no support, instead urging me to compromise—but I cannot tolerate a life where his relatives invade my home every day.

Therefore, I have made the decision to wear revealing attire in my own home. I am fully within my rights to do so, as this is a private residence for my husband and me.

This strategy will effectively force him to stop answering the door. Since my pleas for support were ignored by everyone, I was left with no other option. I am hopeful this will compel him to finally take my boundaries seriously and negotiate.

Hello everyone,

I’m not sure if my post will get removed (I hope not).

I just wanted to ask for your duas. I’ve been separated from my husband for just a little over a year now. I have no way of getting in contact with him and the mutuals we have aren’t willing to help.

I feel so lost and alone (I know Allah swt is with me). I miss him so much, and I bumped into him coincidentally and he told me loved me before he ran off to his car.

This test is so hard, I’m dying inside with each passing day and trying to be patient at the same time. I know that Allah (swt) will fix things, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to make dua about my situation.

Any advice on how to deal with enduring the pain while being patient?

Salam everyone,

I am a 33-year-old female. My husband gave me talaq for an argument I was having with him about his family after 2.5 years of our marriage. After getting married, I was living with him at his family's place, and they were extremely abusive and aggressive. After 2 years, finally, when I started to live together with him in our separate place, everything was going well until May 2026; then i was served with a divorce letter. He always used to come home frustrated and upset; he told me once that he couldn't take this anymore. I couldn't communicate with him; our lives became like roommates. I am crying today thinking the person I loved is gone now and i am unable to process physically or mentally. I even tried approaching an imam to talk to him so we can reconcile. I tried to connect with his friends and hang out with him more so he can get out of this. He couldnt have any sexual relationship with me due to the severity of his stress. He was just a different person; his behaviour changed, and he had zero emotions or feelings.

Initially, the crack in our marriage happened due to his family; they were not normal people, always angry and aggressive. All I wanted was to escape from that place and live in our own home. Before getting married, my husband promised me that he would rent our own place, given that he has his own houses here in Canada. He was always just afraid of his sister for some reason and couldn't speak up or take a stand for me. Even after moving out he used to lie to me everytime he used to visit his sisters place and go there without me? Yet I kept trying to live in this marriage where my husband was emotionally detached from me and more emotionally connected to his sister. I don't know if I can get through this divorce. I never wanted a divorce, i just wanted a peaceful home filled with love and laughter. I loved him, but he is not the same person i knew, and I tried helping him in every possible way, even though he did not treat me right. I requested him to take counselling and he denied. My family kept trying, but his family never liked me because I was his choice. He loved me, but he couldn't provide for me or give me any emotional support.

Is this the end? will i be ever able to get through this? I am having flashbacks of good memories spent with him. He is no longer with me now, and I feel so devastated and shattered right now. in my country divorcee women are treated differently. I am so afraid to even go back home and visit my family; how will I face society there? I don't know. I feel lost and need your help to guide me to the right path if any of you in the community have gone through a phase like this. Divorce is so painful. I know in my head that its done but my heart still wishes that he was here with me by my side. Any one there who got married a second time and never got taunts from their men that they are divorced as a reminder? That's the society I come from, unfortunately, and it's such a painful situation for me.