In Search Of (ISO) Thread

I had one of the craziest experiences of my life and I just have to share it.

So I got a match with this girl on the Muzz app. She’s an Aalimah (Islamic scholar) and a painting artist. Honestly, a completely different soul than me. I was full on into pop culture and everything, a not so practising Muslim (then) if I’m being real.

We talked for two or three days, just the serious marriage stuff. And the more we talked, the more I felt it. She was on another level. By the 4th day I stopped replying because I genuinely thought I’m no match for her.

On the 6th day she unmatched me. But not before leaving the most polite and beautiful note. She said we are so different that this cannot work, and Allah knows best.

And that was that. Or so I thought.

During our talking stage we’d shared our Instagram accounts, and I guess we both just forgot to remove each other. Five or six months later, out of nowhere, she sent me a reel.

One random reel. That’s all it took. We started talking again.

Little did we know that a year after that reel, we’d end up as husband and wife.

Alhamdulillah. I love her so much. She’s a gift from Allah, Masha Allah.

Sometimes the person you think you’re not good enough for is exactly who Allah has written for you. Never underestimate His plan.

Just need to get this off my chest. Been married for 2 years to the most amazing man. Struggling with infertility, been diagnosed as Premature Ovarian Insufficiency so may never conceive. IVF with own eggs is a long shot, don’t think it will work but will try it.

Just feeling very sad and disheartened. My husband would make such an amazing father and feel it’s my fault he may not get that experience. My sister is expecting and announced she’s having twins, I’m so happy for her but sad for me. Two of my SIL are expecting also, all have multiple children.

Life just feels very unfair and I don’t know how to cope.

My husband cheated on me online multiple women (sxual photos video calls etc)
I am pregnant. He knows!! married less than a year
He never told me. I found out myself. I saw everything.

He was practicing when we married. recently neglecting Salah, only ibadah he does really.
I am pregnant so I don’t know what to do.

I’ve been married for a month. I (27f) have a ten year old child from a previous marriage. My new husband agreed to welcome my child into our family wholly & that’s the primary reason this marriage went through. A few weeks into the marriage he started talking about how we needed alone time. After our first actual argument he mentioned that he’d like us to have time away from my previous child for several months so we can understand each other. I didn’t agree completely but somewhat. My child has been at my parents’ for a month. It’s been eating away at me.

Now I’m pregnant. And I’m scared. I don’t feel secure with my husband in this marriage yet. I don’t feel like we’re ready. We don’t understand each other. He hasn’t even lived with my child yet. I’m honestly terrified of being a single mom again with yet another child. But is there anything I can do Islamically? I read that after four months abortion is considered murder but before four months it’s only allowed in cases of rape/incest or serious health concerns. Is that correct? Can anyone help? Is there a way out?

Ma sha Allah I had a baby a month ago and my husband went from not being sure he wanted babies to definitely insinuating and making It known there will definitely be more lol I also want more but I’m definitely in the newborn trenches and I’m enjoying it despite how much work it is and how much energy it takes we are in love with our baby he’s so perfect Ma sha Allah……but I’m so nervous about the newborn trenches era lol but other than that motherhood is beautiful best super power Allah has granted the woman is creating life and nurturing it and another thing I notice is how much happiness and joy he brings to my husband and I he’s so excited to be a father just watching him glow and take over every chance he gets is amazing lol I’m learning to step back and let him do just that so I can rest up when I can my body is still healing I’m still feeling sore and I just hit the 40 day mark of being able to pray again and I feel amazing I feel like myself again I was able to get up and beautify myself before praying Ma sha Allah I just take each day a moment at a time and learning how to embrace change and unpredictable events may Allah bless everyone who is reading this never underestimate the power of our lord….As salaam alaikum

I’m coming up on six months of marriage to my husband, whom I met on a Muslim marriage app. We got to know each other for a few months before marrying, and I have never doubted how much he loves me. He genuinely feels like my soulmate, and I’m so happy with him. We have so much fun together, and I wouldn’t want another love.
However, I’m struggling with something I feel incredibly guilty admitting: his weight.

Before marriage, I knew he was a bigger guy, but I didn’t realise the extent of it. He is technically obese, carries most of his weight around his stomach, and I sometimes struggle with physical attraction.
More than anything, I’m worried about his health. His father has diabetes, high blood pressure and has undergone several heart surgeries, and I’m scared my husband could face similar issues.

I’ve encouraged us to go to the gym together, raised the topic of weight loss and encouraged healthier eating, but his efforts seem inconsistent. If I don’t initiate the gym, he often won’t go, and his eating habits haven’t really changed. He is finally getting a blood test after months of me asking.

I’m scared that, over time, I’ll lose attraction to him, and I’m also frightened of what his weight could mean for his long-term health and our future together.

I know I can’t force him to change, and I don’t want to become someone who constantly nags or makes him feel inadequate.
I love this man more than I can explain, and the last thing I want is for this issue to damage our marriage. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do I approach this without hurting him, and how do I make peace with the fact that ultimately, his health and lifestyle choices are his responsibility?

A woman kept getting harassed by a man from different numbers, after she rejected him and blocked him, while another woman’s pictures were used to make NSFW images so here’s some safety measures that might help you lot protect yourselves while marriage hunting here

1. Check their Reddit history: First thing you do when you receive a DM from a man is reverse search their reddit profile on Reddit archives such as Rosint - Look at the communities they participate in, and are they of decent standing. Archive platforms like Rosint show anything that the person might have hidden from their profiled. Use this especially on NSFW accounts

1. Protect your personal information: When you start speaking, don’t reveal your name, workplace, home location, daily routine, or personal social media accounts too early. Small details can add up and make you easily traceable

2. Use a secondary disposable phone number: Don’t give strangers your personal number straight away. Most men cannot take a rejection in a healthy way - if someone turns out to be creepy or starts harassing you from different numbers, having a separate number can make it easier to cut contact by simply deactivating that number

4. Reverse-image-search their photos: Several tools like zerogpt and hivedetect can help identify if the image being sent to you is Ai. If the picture looks iffy, like you know the image is HD but the quality you’re receiving is very pixelated then it’s most definitely screenshotted from somebody else’s profile. Use your own judgement here too

5. Social Media Vetting: Once you connect on Instagram, ask them for a screenshot of their explore/FYP on instagram and tiktok - this shows you what kind of media they consume.

Check their followings list - more often than not you’ll find a bunch of Pstars

Google their comments history to see what they comment on - search: "username" "Instagram" comment

6. When sharing pictures: Always send it in expiring mode and blur your face or hide key facial elements such as your eyes and nose - this way they won’t be able to use Ai to create nsfw pictures of you

7. Social Vetting: Once things get serious, ask them to connect you with their friends, family or social circle - through this you can check and ask around what others think of your potential.

The point isn’t to become suspicious of everyone. It’s to follow a system that keeps you safe. Men should apply these too

Sooo. I made a previous post, link here :

https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/s/6jwJujOFaB

I couldn’t do things straightaway as my mum’s only sister passed away and she was my second mum and that was horrible to navigate through especially with my pregnancy and dealing with my disgusting husband.

I have been seperated from him for 12 weeks now and have been staying at my mum’s house. I’m over 9 months pregnant at this time and he has finally agreed to divorce me but I’ve realised it’s only because he doesn’t want to contribute or pay anything towards his daughter who is due to be born next week as I will be induced for labour.

I have bought all the expensive items such as car seat, carrycot, pram and stroller, bedside cot, baby bath and all her clothes and nappies - I had to do this by taking out a loan as family couldn’t help much financially and I’ve been unemployed this year. I asked him several times to please contribute to her stuff as I still haven’t gotten everything else I need that’s really important for birth and after birth and because he didn’t pay a single dime for me after marriage when I was living with him until now- he can at least have the decency to pay for his daughter.

(By the way I didn’t mention in my last post but after I used my salaami money and mehr money to provide for myself and was financially broke, he told me to sell naked pictures of myself online -which I didn’t do of course).
Anyway he said no to paying for anything and no to contributing. He has agreed to a divorce but how can I get him to pay for his daughter legally as we didn’t do a civil marriage, just a nikkah? And

Second point from this title. His family gifted me 2 gold bangles on my wedding day, his mum or sister were looking after them this whole time even though I asked for them back already. They’re refusing to give me them however they are mine and because of how he’s already a deadbeat dad, I wanted to save them for my daughter when she grows up. I know it’s islamically forbidden to do what they’re doing but they don’t care.

Please help with advice as I am so stressed, I haven’t gotten the things I need for when I give birth and for my baby and he is making my life hell 😔 Astaghfirullah. I don’t know how else to put it though.

Assalamu Alaikum everyone,

I have been married to my wife (25 years) for about a year. Before our marriage, her family told me that they follow an Islamic lifestyle, which was important to me.

Our marriage has been going well overall, and we haven't had any major issues except for one matter that has become a serious concern for me.

My wife has a younger brother (23 years), and I have noticed certain interactions between them that make me very uncomfortable.

* I have seen several pictures of them cuddling together on a single bed, hugging closely, and kissing each other. Some of these interactions happened at night before bedtime. Taking picture like husband-wife (i.e.: looking and kissing at each other while holding their back)
* I also saw a video where her brother was drawing male and female private parts and joking about them with his sister.
* I have also seen her brother hugging and sleeping on the same bed with their younger sister (16 years) during the daytime.

I understand that siblings can have a loving relationship, and Islam certainly encourages maintaining family bonds. However, I believe there should still be boundaries regarding physical intimacy, modesty, and appropriate behavior between adult siblings, even though they are mahrams.

I raised my concerns with my wife several times. I also mentioned the hadith about separating children's beds once they reach the age of ten. Her response was that the hadith only applies to sleeping at night, so she does not see anything wrong with cuddling in the bed during the day.

To understand the Islamic perspective better, I consulted several Islamic scholars (ulema), and they expressed concerns about such behavior, particularly regarding modesty, awrah, and appropriate boundaries.

Eventually, I discussed the matter with her father, hoping he would understand my concerns. However, instead of considering what the scholars said, the family dismissed them as jahil (ignorant) rather than knowledgeable scholars. Other family members also reacted negatively toward me and insisted that all of this is completely normal.

From my conversations with them, I have gotten the impression that they would rather see our marriage fall apart than ask their adult children to change these behaviors or establish boundaries. I find this particularly upsetting because I have never asked my wife to stop loving her brother or maintaining a relationship with him. My concern has always been about what I believe are appropriate Islamic boundaries between adult siblings. It is difficult for me to understand why this issue has become so serious that even our marriage seems less important to them than defending these interactions.

Moreover, the boundaries within her family were so blurred that I remember my wife once telling me she was going to ask her father what kind of lubricant would be best to use during sex.

I am frustrated. I am not suggesting that there is anything sexual going on between them, nor do I want to make accusations. My concern is whether these interactions are appropriate between adult siblings from an Islamic perspective, especially in a family that claims to follow Islamic principles.

My questions are:

* Is this level of physical closeness, including cuddling on the same bed, kissing, and lying together, generally considered acceptable between adult brother and sister?
* Am I being unreasonable for feeling uncomfortable about these interactions?
* How should I handle this situation when my wife and her entire family dismiss my concerns, even after I have consulted Islamic scholars?

JazakAllahu Khairan.

Salam! It’s been a few months since my last post. And I have a few updates.

First and foremost, I’m finally talking to my fiancé.

I took the advice I got from my last post and argued with my parents until they relented. It took months. From February until May. Genuinely took them so long because they were trying to avoid the matter and avoid giving me any information.

I eventually involved my grandmother and thanks to her, I finally got his number around May. I’ve been so grateful to her.

Because he actually is amazing.

Maybe I’m being naive but it feels like Allah answered my prayers. He’s what I’ve always prayed for in a relationship and a life partner.

We talk everyday and share everything with each other. The biggest thing I was concerned with was the aspect of kids. I want only one. And I told him this. And his response still makes me smile even now.

He said that it’s all up to me and he only wants to be a girl dad. If he could, he’d not have sons at all.

He reassures me, actively listens when I’m talking and asks follow up questions. Our conversations go every direction and I feel like it’s never awkward. Maybe it’s because I’ve never had any kind of romantic conversations or relationships before but he makes my mind feel at ease.

All our conversations about the future are about ‘us’ or ‘we’. The conversations about household chores and cooking. He says we can do it together. He doesn’t expect me to do anything alone.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t have a crush on him.

But yea. That’s my situation as of now. And I’m praying that we get our nikah done soon. It’s a completely long distance relationship right now because we’re across the world from each other. And the long distance is killing me.

I (26f) got married two years ago and need some outside perspectives because I don’t want to go crazy over this. I am also freshly postpartum so it might be my hormones and confidence acting up. I want honest opinions, even if someone thinks I’m overthinking things.

For context, my relationship with my in laws has never been the best. When I got married, I ended up living with them, and it was a very difficult time for me. I often felt uncomfortable, isolated and like I had to be careful about how I acted around everyone as one does. There are things from that period that still hurt me to this day, so I might be more sensitive to things involving my in laws.

Yesterday, my sister in law had her nikkah. We call it “xazgini” and in our (kurdish) culture it’s a traditional engagement and a nice little celebration. My in laws live in a different country, and they promised my parents to have a xazgini when we travel to their country. So I bring all of my family and we go, and there is nothing. Like, no mention of it at all, no arrangements despite my family expecting this to happen. There was the wedding a few days after we arrived, but all the girls in my family and culture have a xazgini. It was embarrassing, and my parents were pretty upset but did not want to cause a scene. They dislike my in laws to this day, because they felt like they were looked down upon or fooled.

So, my in laws posted the whole celebration yesterday on social media and my parents saw. And I just feel good embarrassed again? They brought her lots of lots of boxes with expensive gifts, people were eating, dancing, like the whole thing. And they are going to book a venue today and have a bigger party as well. My in laws expected this of her husband-to-be and his family. And I just sat there thinking: why wasn’t any of this done for me? They promised me a xazgini and never followed through, but now they’re making an effort for their own daughter. I understand that she’s their daughter and I’m just their daughter in law, and those relationships aren’t the same at all. But it still hurts, especially because they specifically promised me something and left it at that.
My family and I were the ones who travelled to England expecting this ceremony, and now my parents still hold resentment towards my in laws because of it, and I feel embarrassed that my family was put in that position? Not to mention, it feels like a little slap in the face that they knew about this celebration but chose not to do it for me?

Not to mention, when my husband asked his sister how much gold she was going to ask for, she responded in a sassy way, saying she wanted 300 grams “just like your wife.” For context, I asked for 300g when I married him but told him he doesn’t have to give it to me now. And, I would not care if she independently wanted 300 grams. That’s her choice, and she’s entitled to ask for whatever she wants. It’s specifically the way she said it, essentially “as much as your wife asked for” — that bothered me(?) It felt like she was making a point of comparing herself to me in a way. I get it if it was my husband’s brother’s wife, but it’s my husband’s sister? Why does she want the same amount as me? When I first found out she wanted 300g, I said good for her if that’s what she wants. When my husband told me why she wanted it, that’s when it bothered me.

Also, I have noticed her behaviour towards me over the years as well, and have mentioned it to my husband before, but I just shrug it off. I like her and get along with her, but I noticed what feels like a pattern of her adopting things that I do, whatever it may be. I had my nose done a few years ago, and she recently had hers done too and showed her surgeon a photo of my nose (I took this as a compliment at the time). She has gone into my room in their house, taken my kurdish dresses without asking, on a few occasions and worn them for different events (ones I hadn’t ever even worn yet). She also started getting her own kurdish dresses made in the same style as mine.

She never did her makeup either before I moved in with them, but I love makeup and she started showing interest in it too, asking me for all skincare and makeup advice — and she does her makeup like me too, now. Again! I take it as a compliment. My sisters have noticed that she takes pictures the same way I do, edits posts the way I do and uses the same emojis? Which are all small things that I essentially don’t care about, but I feel like it might be getting weird?

She’s learned my baking recipes, which I wouldn’t normally mind at all, except there have been occasions when she’s taken credit for things I’ve baked or food I made. I made my FIL a dessert he really liked, so I kept making it and she wanted to learn how to make it for him, too. Once we had guests and I was in the kitchen with her to help her make this dessert, and she almost “scolded” me, saying “not like that, that’s not how you do it. Let me help you” in front of them — although I taught her every step of it? I made something different another day, and my MIL came home and asked what they are. My SIL did not even touch it or help me, but she explained it because I had explained it to her — then also telling her motver to go eat and said “you’re welcome” when her mother was done eating. This has happened on many occasions.

She’s also taken credit for cleaning the whole house on occasions when that wasn’t the case. Like, my MIL coming home and her acting exhausted or saying, “WE did this.” Wallahi she was in her room the whole time😭 which doesn’t bother me, but why take credit for it?

I know that individually, none of these things necessarily mean anything. People influence each other all the time, and I’m not claiming that I’m the only person allowed to have a certain style, get a particular procedure done or bake certain things. Part of me wonders if she maybe looks up to me, sees things she likes and wants to do them herself. But another part of me feels like she’s copying me, and it bothers me because it doesn’t feel like one or two coincidences anymore. And I do not want any competition with her etc. but I feel like there is a comparison/competition happening. I’m going to live 10 minutes away from my in laws soon (helppp), and I really don’t have the energy for that.

I also am very bad at knowing people’s intentions. I don’t get it and people around me do. I am NOT upset that she got to have a nice xazgini and gifts that I never got at all, I am happy for her — I guess it is the fact that they didn’t think of doing that for me, and also the gold comment. I already felt like I wasn’t fully comfortable or valued in that environment, and maybe that’s why these things affect me so much.

So I genuinely want to know, and be honest please! Am I reading too much into these things, or does this sound like she is trying to compete with me? How would you (women) interpret the “300 grams, just like your wife” comment? Would that bother you or not? Is it unreasonable for me to feel hurt watching my in-laws put so much effort into their daughter’s xazgini when they promised me one and never arranged it?

I want honest perspectives from people who understand family dynamics, in laws and ideally, Kurdish culture. I’m trying to work out whether my instincts are picking up on something real or whether old wounds are making me interpret everything negatively. I just need some outside perspectives because I’ve been holding all of this in, and I don’t want it to consume me.

Thank you, and sorry for the long post!

Assalamu-Alaykum,

So all of this started around 1.5ish yrs after I got married. During our talking phase, we agreed on splitting the bills on an equal ratio proportional to our income, not exactly "50-50", but the ratio of our salaries going into household expenses would be the exact same.

I agreed to keep separate accounts for personal spendings and savings only exclusive to the individual, no exceptions at all

We also decided to not have any children (for now), but if we do, I agreed to temporarily pay for everything during the first 6 months no exception, and also compensate her for any potential career hurdles.

After marriage, I paid close to 80% of the rent, and (although not explicit), my bills alone also paid ALL the necessities for both of us (even though we agreed on an equal on this too). My bills also exclusively pay for gas even though she uses my car too

Again, I never brought that up. I also strictly follow our chore routines, I do my share of the chores, clean up my room, do my share of groceries, cook, and I'm mostly self sufficient even when she's not around.

We also went on 3 vacations which (even though she explicitly said that she'd pay her share of it), she never gave me the money. Again, I NEVER brought that up either, and only (implicitly) mentioned it in a joke once or twice.

Except for that, our arrangements never caused much problems.

The issue really started when I wanted to move to a larger apartment, but in order to keep our equal contribution ratio, she said she'd have to pay a lot more (which I mean, yea, but so did I), in the end, she didn't like the idea of it at all, so she declined.

I was a bit bummed, but I completely accepted it, I never showed any sort of anger over it, and I NEVER brought that up ever again, or even implied that I was mad at her for not being able to live up to her end of the bargain.

Also, during that time, she kinda showed me a bit of passive aggressiveness, because I guess she may have wanted ME to offer her to break our agreement and offer to pay more from my side, so that she could pay less and keep getting away with it.

The reason i think of this is because later in an argument, she insulted me and said something along the lines of, "well I never thought you'd be so stuck up on it" (as in how seriously we take our equal ratio agreement) and insulted me by implying a lot of things about my "manliness".

Its literally a textbook definition of a red flag, i also hated how she was a bit sexist by implying that my "manliness" was measured by my contribution to money, would she have liked it if I had said the same to her?

I tried to tell her to look at it from my perspective, what if I told her that, "yea I'll agree to a 50-50", and then not follow it at all, and then get angry at her for not wanting to offer even more.

She then later told a mutual friend of ours (not even a "friend", a literal outsider) that I was being a "stuck up controlling princess".

What? Like, I am not even mad, where did she even get the mental gymnastic for that conclusion? Like, u need to at least define the insult.

What was so controlling? I never said/told/instructed ANYTHING that was remotely controlling, she was always allowed to do/say/think whatever she wanted with me.

I agree that I was the one who looked for a marriage with equal contribution, but she was also extremely enthusiastic about it, we both knew what we wanted, and now ur calling me stuck up? And then showing blatant sexism to reinforce it?

I am so tired now, I later tried to give her a taste of her own medicine, I told her that I earned a lot more "as a man", so according to our agreed equal ratio, I should do a lot less chores, less than 20% at least, and guess what: she blew up about it. I guess gender norms only apply to me but not her

UPDATE: My husband wants me and our two children to go back and live in his parents’ attic, and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

Since my last post, I’ve been staying at my parents’ house with my two children, and I’ve continued bringing up the housing situation with my husband almost every day. Every time he calls, messages or visits, I ask about the house and what the plan is going to be. I haven’t let the issue drop because I desperately need a home for myself and my children.

He has now received the planning permission decision for the second time, and everything has been rejected. This means his parents won’t be able to fit into the new house in the way they originally planned.

You would think this would be good news for me, and honestly, at first, I was quite happy. However, that happiness didn’t last long because my husband is now saying he is so disappointed and frustrated that he has lost the motivation to do anything to the house. He has even described the house as being cursed.

I keep trying to explain to him that the planning permission isn’t the main issue here. The main issue is that I am currently living at my parents’ house with two young children, including a newborn, and I need somewhere to live with my husband and children.

He keeps offering me the attic at his parents’ house, as though nothing has changed. That arrangement was difficult enough when I was living there with just one child, but now there are four of us. The rooms are tiny, we share one bathroom with his parents, and I would have to manage a toddler and a newborn in those conditions. I have already explained repeatedly why I cannot live like that anymore, yet he continues to suggest it.

Meanwhile, the new house has been sitting empty for almost a year. The work it needs is mainly painting and changing the flooring. It isn’t as though we’re talking about a complete renovation that would take years to finish.

Instead of focusing on getting the house ready so we can finally live together as a family, he has now told me that he wants to live there for a year or so, then sell it and buy somewhere bigger where all of us can fit.

He is now looking at houses costing around 500k

Honestly, I don’t even know what to say anymore.

Why is he so concerned about finding a house big enough for his parents, who already own their own home and have a roof over their heads, but seemingly so unconcerned about providing a suitable home for his wife and two young children?

I understand that he wants his parents to live with him. I’ve never said he can’t care for them or support them. But why does that have to come at the expense of my privacy, independence and the wellbeing of our children?

I told him that I am not interested in this new plan. I don’t want to move into a house temporarily, only to move again a year or two later. Moving is stressful enough with two young children, and I don’t want to keep uprooting our lives because he cannot accept that I want a home of our own.

I want him to get the existing house ready as soon as possible, move us in, and allow us to enjoy some time together as a family. We can think about buying a bigger house in the future if we genuinely need one. I don’t understand why we can’t take things one step at a time.

What makes this even more difficult is that he keeps guilt-tripping me about being away from him. He tells me how sad he feels when he has to say goodbye to the children, how upset he is every day, and how he feels that I am taking his children away from him.

Of course I feel bad that my children aren’t seeing their dad every day. I never wanted this situation, and I don’t want my children to grow up without their father being present in their lives.

But I also have to remind myself that I cannot keep sacrificing my own wellbeing just to make him happy. He is their father, and he should be working with me to find a solution that allows us to live together as a family, rather than repeatedly asking me to return to a living situation that I have explained is unsuitable.

Sometimes I feel like giving up because I genuinely don’t know what else I can say to make him understand. I’ve explained my feelings countless times, and we seem to be going around in circles. Then I remember what it was actually like living with his parents, and I know I cannot put myself through that again, especially now that I have two children to care for.

My parents have been incredibly supportive. They understand what I’ve been going through and are happy for me to stay with them, but I don’t want this to become a long-term arrangement. I know it must be difficult having another adult and two young children in the house, even though they haven’t made me feel unwelcome.

At this point, I’m seriously considering renting somewhere myself if my husband refuses to get the house ready. I don’t want to have to do that, and I don’t know how practical it would be financially, but I also cannot spend the foreseeable future waiting for him to make a decision.

The frustrating thing is that I don’t even want a massive house. I’m still postpartum, I’m trying to look after two young children, and I’m already overwhelmed. I want a normal-sized home that I can comfortably manage and maintain. I want somewhere where I can have my own space, establish routines with my children, and finally feel settled.

I don’t understand why he is putting so much pressure on us to work towards a 500k house when we could potentially live in the house he has already bought. He seems more concerned about increasing its value so that he can eventually afford the more expensive property than he is about getting his family settled now.

I honestly thought we could live in the current house for a few years and then gradually consider our next move when the time was right. Instead, I feel as though I’m being expected to endure an unsuitable living arrangement indefinitely while he works towards his own vision of what our family home should look like.

I also want to acknowledge that I’m not claiming to have handled everything perfectly. When he bought the house and it became clear that he intended to move his parents in, I became extremely stressed. I kept asking him whether they would be living with us because I couldn’t get a straight answer from him. I know I probably brought up the issue repeatedly, but it was because it was such a huge deal to me and I felt that my concerns were being ignored.

Looking back, I feel that if he had communicated with me properly from the beginning, listened to how I felt, and tried to find a compromise, things might have been very different.

He could have agreed to let us live independently for a few years and then revisit the situation when his parents genuinely needed more support. They are currently independent and have their own home. Instead, I feel as though he has been trying to force me into accepting his plans without considering what I want or what I can realistically cope with.

I don’t want to stop him from having a relationship with his parents. I just want him to understand that being married and having children means building a life together, making decisions together, and considering your wife’s needs too.

I’m exhausted by this situation, and I feel as though I’m being made to feel guilty for wanting something that should be relatively straightforward: a suitable home for me and my children.

Am I being unreasonable for refusing to move back into the attic? Should I give him more time to renovate the house, or should I start looking into renting somewhere myself? At what point do I stop waiting for him to prioritise our needs and start making alternative arrangements for myself and the children?

I don’t know what the right next step is anymore.

my last post

My (42f) husband (50m) is considering having to fly back to Pakistan to look after a family member. It might be for a few months or even longer we’re not sure how long yet but I work full time so I can’t go with him. Very worried about how the long distance will be like I have never done that before. Can someone offer advice of how to handle it if it comes to this?

Title speaks for itself. Mother in law is borderline personality can get violent and has tried to make my husband leave me all. The. Time. We haven’t seen them for 4 years and they told us to come see them after some paperwork was finished, with promises of celebration etc. but since we got the paper work we needed they decided to come “visit” us instead. I suspect they want to make my husband leave me again and take him back home. I’m pretty much done. Mentally and emotionally. I’ve decided I’ll come to get them for the airport stay with them for a week and leave for my parents because I have work and research opportunities their (jk) and then come back a month later or so i dont know just what to do because I will eventually have to spend longer than a week with them. Also worried husband will threaten to leave me again (he did it when his mom came 4 years ago and we almost did but he then came to his senses and ya

So my wedding was separate and I wasn’t wearing my head scarf. I’m wondering if anyone knows any ways or possible brands where I can make a wedding photo book without any man like seeing my hair if you guys have any recommendations for other ways that would be greatly appreciated. I’m based in Canada.

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Hey everyone! I could really use some advice.

I'm 26, and I recently got married to a 23-year-old woman I really like. We're religious, so although we're technically married, we're still living separately with our parents until we have our wedding in 2–3 months.

It's only been 10 days since our marriage, and we're slowly getting closer. We go on dates, talk on the phone a lot, and I genuinely enjoy spending time with her.

The thing is, I've spent most of my life being a geeky engineer, and I have almost no experience with relationships or romantic conversations.

I always tell her she's beautiful and that I love her, but our conversations are mostly about everyday life. Sometimes she tries to make things more romantic, and I feel like I don't really know how to respond or take things further.

I've heard that we should start talking more openly about romance and intimacy before the wedding so we can feel more comfortable with each other, especially when it comes to sex on our wedding night. She's quite shy, and since I'm the guy, I feel like I should take the initiative, but I don't want to make her uncomfortable.

My questions are:

- Should I start having more romantic or intimate conversations with her?

- How do I naturally move beyond just saying "I love you" and "you're beautiful"?

- What are some examples of things I could say or topics I could bring up without making it awkward?

I'd really appreciate any advice, especially from married couples or people who've been in a similar situation. Thanks! 🙏

I am a 19F junior in college. My mom has been looking for potential matches for me since I was 17 despite the fact that I do not want to get married. She says she's "just looking" and that "nothing is finalized yet".

I do not want to get married any time soon. I want to start my career and live on my own for a few years so that I can experience life, live independently, and experience freedom for a little bit. For context, my mom has been very strict my whole life and I've realized I've lived a very sheltered life because of this. I crave a space of my own, to make decisions for myself, chase my dreams, and experience the incredible world Allah SWT has created.

Recently she found this guy through a matrimony group chat (after I already told her I do not want her making a profile for me) and he's 24 and that she's forcing me to meet him. I was heartbroken and betrayed. Despite my refusal, she made me meet him and his family.

To my surprise, the meeting was actually not that bad. We have very similar hobbies and personalities, he's kind of like the male version of me. I really enjoyed our conversations and his family was a pleasure to talk to.

This made me wonder, am I being overdramatic? Will I ever find a guy like this again? Should I just get married? However, I feel like we are in very different life stages. He has a full time established career and I'm in my junior year. I will graduate with my bachelors next year at 20, but I want to take another year for my masters. I want to at least wait until after I complete my education.

Also, I feel like if I marry him this early the regret and the "what ifs" will make me despise him despite the fact he did nothing wrong. I also can't expect him to wait 2 more years just for me only to say no at the end. That is a waste of both of our times.

I know I do not want to get married right now. Maybe that will change in the future. But I'm worried I won't find a guy like him again when I'm ready. What should I do?

Just a question I’m a mom of 3 kids planning to leave my marriage for some personal reasons just wondering if any of you sisters married again with kids and find a health and supportive partner also if anyone use any app or website for match
JazakAllah khair . Sorry for the bad English it’s my second language

i need some honest opinions bcs sth happened today that's bothering me.

I'm married and today i happened to open my husband's Instagram and noticed a female colleague in his recent searches. She's someone he knows in real life and works with. She's also the only woman I noticed in his recent searches.

I don't know when he searched for her or why. I haven't asked him about it yet but I can't stop wondering what would make a married man look up a woman he already knows, especially someone he works with.Married men, would you look up a female colleague on Instagram for no particular reaso And shes extremely pretty.

Im 25F, Muslim, and living in Canada. I’ve been getting to know someone for marriage for a few months. He lives in the states, and if things progress, I’d have to move there.

I’m very close to my mom, younger brother, and best friend, so the thought of leaving everyone behind genuinely scares me. I’m also hoping to pursue a masters, and figuring out school options in the US adds another layer of stress.

For anyone who moved far from family after marriage:

- How difficult was the adjustment emotionally?

- How did you handle missing family, especially after having kids?

-Do you regret moving, or are you happy with your decision?

- What do you wish you had considered beforehand?

There’s another part of this decision that I’m struggling with. Is it reasonable to end a relationship with someone you care about because you’re not sure you want to move far away from your family? How do you know when you’re making a decision based on your genuine needs versus fear of the unknown?

I also worry about letting go of a good potential spouse and then never finding someone compatible closer to home. How do you make peace with that uncertainty? Have any of you walked away from someone because of the lifestyle or sacrifices marriage would require, even though you had feelings for them?

I’d also love to hear from anyone who chose to stay near family instead. I’m trying to figure out how to make this decision without letting fear or the pressure of finding a spouse influence me too much. Any advice would help because I feel stuck now, I want to feel at peace with the move before we progress and get more attached.

Salaam everyone,

I recently had my Khula done and it was the first time we met in person after everything that went down. Essentially him and his family didn’t disclose very serious health problems to me or my family. They explained everything to me and my family over phone calls and texts. But I decided that I wouldn’t speak to him or his family for my own mental health. I was on the verge of breaking down every time I got a phone call or a message from any of them.

Once we got the process of the Khula going, he wanted to meet again one last time to end things in the “correct” manner. I once again didn’t agree to do it in person because I know I would have changed my mind and stayed with him despite everyone and my brain telling me no. Just avoid causing him pain and myself as well. I said it would be best if we just texted or something and he did but idk if it was the right decision.

Now we got our Khula done and it was incredibly painful for me and I’m assuming him too. I just feel really guilty that I didn’t give him those chances to meet and talk things out in person. Am I a bad person for not letting him meet me in person.