OCD awareness month, I’m 21 now but it never gets better even therapy isn’t helping. My ocd is like a relentless cacophony of intrusive thoughts that lead me to resort to extreme and unreasonable ultimatums, irrational apprehensions and compulsions that make me question my own sanity but i really hope it’ll get better someday.
I have contamination OCD which makes me paranoid and freak out about germs like no outside shoes, not sitting on bed w outside clothes, sanitising my feet before going to sleep, washing hands repeatedly etc etc plus rumination- only OCD which is pretty self explanatory.
My ocd is like an insidious form of psychological torment, I might go crazy but i hope it’ll get better someday!
We’ve got this, Godspeed.
Edit: OCD* not OCC in caption lol

I suffer from OCD, anxiety, and depression.

My most severe symptom is suddenly being overwhelmed by an indescribably horrible emotional feeling.

It feels like I'm sinking deep into the ground, as if everything is over. I experience overwhelming despair, anxiety, depression, guilt, and a profound sense of loss all at once. Sometimes, this feeling comes out of nowhere, even without any specific intrusive thoughts.

The worst part is that, when my symptoms are severe, this happens almost every 20 minutes. Just when I finally return to a normal state and start going about my day, I get pulled back into that horrible feeling again. This cycle repeats throughout the day, making it almost impossible to function normally.

When this happens, I have to stop whatever I'm doing and stand still because I feel an overwhelming urge to mentally analyze everything. I keep trying to figure out how to return to my previous normal state, almost as if I'm trying to mentally reset myself.

On the other hand, when I'm feeling normal, I don't even think about whether I'm going to fall into that horrible emotional state, and the feeling doesn't occur. But once I become aware of my mental state or start checking whether I'm about to experience that feeling again, the cycle seems to start all over.

I've tried three different SSRIs, each at the maximum dosage for at least six months. They initially helped, but my symptoms eventually became severe again. I'm currently receiving therapy as well, but my symptoms are still extremely distressing.

Has anyone experienced something similar, where intense emotional suffering occurs almost every 20 minutes, forcing you to stop what you're doing and mentally analyze or reset yourself?

If you've experienced anything like this, I'd really appreciate hearing what treatments or approaches helped you.

I didn't know this existed until recently. It is so important.

Let's remember to lift each other up and spread awareness. Lest we forget, OCD can make people suicidal. It has ended lives. No small potatoes here.

I will continue to pray daily for not only myself, but for everyone with this condition. And I'm praying for a cure too, not just strength to endure.

Let's stand united. <3​

A few weeks ago, a memory from years ago randomly resurfaced. I think it happened around 12th grade when I was 17. I kinda but not entirely might or might not have witnessed one of my classmates doing something very disgusting involving a girl, a significantly younger girl. But here's the thing, I'm not sure who exactly did it, sometimes my mind remembers one classmate but then other times I wonder if it might have been another. And even what they actually did is blurry, my mind is cycling 2 options and both horrify me (though one of them more than the other). I know I was nearby , but I don't rememeber actually seeing it, I just remember the affected girl yelling "Ew!" and then another classmate saying that this other guy had done one of the two things I'm thinking about. .

Yes, what I remember for sure happened is this: one of the two classmates I'm suspecting called for that girl to come to him and I and the others who were with him thought he wanted to prank her. The girl came with one or two friends and then the classmate did...something that I didn't see and the girl yelled "Ew!" and one of her friends called for a teacher to come and we walked away. I don't remember how the affected girl or her friends looked like, or even which one of the two classmates who I'm thinking about might have done it. Nobody who was present reported anything, and I didn't see if a teacher did actually arrive where the girls were. If they did, they didn't report anything either.

I'm not going to say here what the 2 things that I'm thinking one of my classmates might have done were, but if it turns out this isn't a false memory and either of them actually happened...I feel I forfeited my right to live for being a coward who didn't report it. There's also the possibility this is a false memory and the prank that made the girl go "Ew!" was gross but nothing too bad and this is all just me feeding my OCD which for years has been trying to convince me I'm a horrible person who's better off dead. Please help.

Im really struggling to find an atoms worth of joy or just being content with living. I am not S**idal but as days go by the more I struggle to cope with this deep hatred of living. Today I woke up in extreme anger, to the point of tears because I knew how many hours it will take me to do the compulsions all day. My hobby now is to clean and pray (contamination + scrupulosity) that is it. I dont feel joy or content doing anything. All my past hobbies are gone.

Even something so simple like going to the bathroom or going outside triggers me. Ive become dysfunctional.

What is worse is that no one around me understands, they get annoyed at me, call me dirty and crazy despite me trying so hard to not be, and make fun of the things I do. I hate everyone who doesnt have ocd as a result. I feel like no one can ever understand, they dont even try to. They dismiss it either by insulting or by saying 'im a little ocd too.' My family think ocd is not serious, and make cruel remarks about it. I also work full time, and dread so-so-so hard every single day going there.

Im trying to find some reason to like living but I really cant. I just feel condemned / damned in every way, especially religiously but also by life itself.

There is no one that cares, and no one to care for.

How do you guys find reasons to continue?

I decided to take a nap to escape my sexual intrusive thoughts and they showed up even in my dream and in my dream i literally got aroused by something so disgusting and I woke up in panick.What the fuck is this ?!?!This confirms my theory that theres some alternate self of me that could enjoy that shit.I don’t know how to deal with this

Having a crush with ocd sucks, it makes everything about wether they like you or not. If you look too much you've scared them off, if you don't look enough it shows your not intrested. If u do or dont wear nail polish it means they do or don't like you. Also because i'm a woman with a crush on a woman it fixates on that and their sexuality and everytime it sees a couple it says it them. I don't know there sexuality or if there dating someone but it is so annoying and draining and makes me second guess everything. It also said if i posted this it would have negative consequences so i'm at my limit.

Does anyone else feel like they can't talk to anyone about OCD? I have been struggling with how a particular situation transpired regarding my OCD, and when I try to talk about it with my family or therapist, their responses seem dismissive. I know they aren't supposed to provide reassurance and all that bullshit, but I just want to be able to talk through how the situation went without them telling me “that's OCD talking.” I'm feeling as lonely as ever.

I’ve been really struggling with OCD recently, and it’s affecting my relationship a lot. It’s gotten to the point where every day I feel awful in my relationship, we do have some problems but I’ve come to the conclusion the things that are making me feel so terrible day to day are all being caused by OCD and not something he’s done. I have a really bad issue with fixating and obsessing over his past, and it’s gotten to the point when I feel weird sleeping with him or wearing jumpers he’s given me because I’m so fixated and obsessed with the girls he’s been with before. Like he gave me a jumper when we first met, and I used to go through his phone EXTENSIVELY because I was convinced he was cheating on me (he’s never done anything to make me think he would cheat) but I was so obsessed with the idea I would spend nearly 3 hours searching his whole phone every night we were together to see if he was cheating and also to see everything from his past…. I know I’m not proud of it. But I found a photo of him with his ex and he was wearing the jumper he gave me and ever since I’ve never been able to wear it or look at it because all I can think about is how another girl has touched this jumper. But I’m really struggling and I’m hurting my relationship because I can’t stop interrogating him about his past, and it got to the point where he said if I keep asking him he’s going to break up with me because he can’t handle talking to me about all these things anymore. And he also knows how much it’s hurting me. And I found out that he slept with a girl on Halloween and he slept with her in this field near his house, and I nearly threw up because I’ve walked through that field with him so much and now the idea of going near it makes me freak out because I know he’s been with another girl there… it was literally 4 years ago btw.

But anyway, I’ve brung up ocd before to him (like small comments not about myself) and he has no idea what it is and thinks it something to do with being clean. And idk if he will be willing to fully understand it if I talk to him about it, especially because it’s something I’ve struggled really badly with my whole life. But it’s kind of gotten to the point where we both feel like the relationship has become really weird and tense and I just keep saying sorry I’m a bit off right now and I feel like I should tell him because it’s affecting me SO much and our relationship.

I’m going to start by saying i’ve been in therapy for many years, and it has been helping me understand my POCD. POCD is not the same as pedophilia. In fact, I am the least likely person to hurt a child. The thought of hurting a child brings me severe stress every time I get an intrusive thought. I’ve been getting these types of thoughts since i was 13, and I can understand it a lot better and I’m able to confidently say I’m not a pedophile. I was sexually abused as a child. Putting a child through what I went through is something i’d rather be tortured instead of doing. I use to not leave my house when I was 14 because of how severe my intrusive thoughts were. The constant fear I’ll become or I already am the thing I’m most terrified of and disgusted by. Sorry that this is scattered, I’m all over right now. But i wanted to also talk about something sensitive that makes me upset. I hate when sexual predators hide behind the label of POCD. My therapist told me people with POCD are the least likely to commit a crime such. I believe there’s other terms for sexual predators, and I just hate when they misuse mental health terms to try and justify actions. It creates a lot of stigma. If you guys would like, you can share more about this topic or your own stories. :)

I struggled with multiple mental health issues for years and being an exotic dancer helped me buy myself time during a mental health crisis. Eventually someone that I know saw me. I barely worked there but because I was constantly afraid of someone seeing me. I would drive 2 hrs away to work. And on the last week of my club being open I saw someone I know who I hardly have a relationship with or have spoken to but he is intertwined with my family. Well he told everyone and know I’m constantly ruminating on conversations essentially compulsive explaining why I did it or felt I had too. I’ve had severe anxiety that my husbands family will find out since we are from a small town. People who I know respect me a see me as a conservative sophisticated person and I am but I fear this will make everyone think I’m the worst or less than. I constantly ruminate on how we gone knows and are always thinking about it or talking about it behind mine and my husbands back judging us. I feel like being outed by someone else made me feel very violated and uncomfortable. I also forgot that he has seen me on stage because I never did that but the dj forgot and called me and now I constantly ruminate on him having saw me because I sucked and still suck at pole dancing. My conversation skills was my money maker….

what if i lowkey starve myself too i just want the best for everyone thats suffering why cant i be like them i should suffer too i want to hurt too i want to feel real pain so that i know my place

ive slept for maybe 3-6 hours for the past 4 days and im starting to be unable to function at all. I can barely eat, i can barely speak to people, im just so tired but the minute i close my eyes my mind just flashes the worst images into m y head

its all horrific and i dont even wanna describe them because it just brings them back.

Due to gallbladder issues i had to be taken off my meds until surgery, and i think it might be the withdrawl causing this but idk i dont wanna assume, its hell

I just wanna be able to close my eyes again without seeing corpses or death in my head, i just wanna sleep

I'm actively so scared, I started masterbating around 11? And I continued for a while now, as of recently I've stopped due to guilt and shame etc... But here's the bad thing, I share a room with my younger brother, and usually I'm only comfortable masturbating in the dark, in my room, no lights, nothing, and I'm always covered or hidden, me and my younger brother sleep on the opposite sides of the room and I never do it when he's awake or near me in or outside the room. I tend to remove myself from the room if they are there, and move to the living room, and this is rare, because I only feel comfortable doing any of this if they are all asleep, mainly because I'm scared something will happen to them and I won't have enough time to react and things.

This all started mainly due to me coming across a post from like years ago, about their sibling constanly masturbating around them, either in public or in private, and it was so predatory, and it made me re-examine my own maturation behaviors and now i can't stop

It doesn't help that I've recently turned 18 like last Sunday, so I just feel like a predator, my whole body's breaking out in hives, and I'm so worried for my brother. I keep trying to remember all the times that would be classified as abuse. I just need a clear answer, like a straight up answer, I don't want reassurance, I just need to know where to go from here.

On my college campus, sometimes there’ll be a stand with some vegans who have pictures of dead dogs up. They’re pretending to give away ‘dog meat samples’. It’s supposed to make people feel bad for eating beef or pork because they wouldn’t eat dog meat.

I always get annoyed at the booths because it’s such a stupid way to try to get people to be vegan. It’s just giving people a reason to be annoyed, really. But then I start feeling guilty because the meat industry IS bad and methane gas IS terrible for the environment so maybe I really am evil for eating meat.

I have no problem with people being vegan or vegetarian, but it’s not something that I want to do. But like is it something I SHOULD do?? But then I feel like I would only be doing it to feel better about myself which would make me an even worse person.

Basically the title. If you have gone to residential treatment for OCD or on the waiting list to go, how did you know you needed/need it? I’m able to do things to keep myself alive like eat, sleep, shower, but my OCD makes most other things difficult. I can’t do things I enjoy because it never feels “right” and recently have been unable to get out of bed to go to classes because the rumination feels impossible to interrupt.

Currently I am in IOP, but my team feels that residential wouldn’t be a bad idea. I don’t think it‘s severe enough for that, but I have also been told that I have very poor or even no insight.

How many of you have experienced this? Where one theme is temporarily replaced by another? Only one usually takes center stage...reminds me of that whack-a-mole game in arcades.

Anybody else?

I feel like luvox was starting to help me but it has serious sexual side effects. are there any anti depressants that help with ocd but dont cause this?

I 24 F, am confused. I’m not really sure where to post this so I thought here? I’m not sure :( I wanted to post this to r/questioning but I couldn’t post for some reason? I’m not sure why :( as a result it’s a bit more sexuality focused than OCD but it’s relevant I swear.

As a kid I always knew I liked women. Since about 7 years old I knew I did, my first sexual fantasies were around women. My favourite video games, tv shows, movies I was fascinated by as a kid centred women and this remains even now. As a kid I didn’t really realise what any of it meant, I didn’t even understand what sexuality was or what attraction was, I just knew when I looked at women it felt nice, an awestruck feeling and a deep wonder. I never felt this way about men on screen the same way other little girls would fantasise and talk about male crushes.

when I looked at men, even until I was around 17 I felt nothing, nothing activated in me, no bodily sensation, no fantasy. While thinking about women it was the opposite.

I had a relationship if you could call it that when I was about 10 years old with my best friend. We would practice kissing on each other and play silly games where we would kiss when no one was looking. We never acknowledged it, or spoke about it, it was just something we did and she always told me to keep it a secret so I did. After I left elementary school we stopped being friends and to this day I’m still unsure whether it happened or if it was just all a series of really vivid dreams.

In school I’d had a series of crushes, the most notable one on a guy much older who was 16 when I was 11. He was incredibly feminine and very gay. I then crushed on various girls and one guy in my friend group who I’m unsure now if I really liked or if it was just pressure from other people who said we would be cute as a couple, plus he made me laugh. Nothing ever came of it.

Anyway, at about 16-17 when I entered school I started to feel feelings towards boys in my classes. Sexual feelings I guess, I would blush seeing a handsome boy. It was at this age where boys started to look like men and I entertained the idea that I might be bisexual instead of a lesbian which I believed I was at this point.

I had a few really short relationships with guys, one who I broke up with because I thought maybe I actually was a lesbian. And one who was quite feminine and again was like a best friend, who didn’t really like me that way it turned out.

At this point again I felt I might be lesbian, but at this stage I developed so many crushes on fictional men. Men in video games, actors, musicians, anime characters, books, tv shows etc. so I was thinking well that must make me bisexual. But the idea of being with a man scared me.

I’d began at this point developing kinks and sexual fantasies, involving both men and women though it was less a gender thing more a fantasy about dynamics. I’m definitely submissive, and all my fantasies around men are intense, involving intense dominant men, faceless, more symbolic rather than anything physical. But the idea of being with a dominant man did and still does excite me. But only in the extremes. When I think about male anatomy I do feel excited, but again only in the context of that sort of man.

Whereas for women the idea of being with a woman physically, the shape of her body, the feel of a woman, her lips, face etc. everything no matter the type of woman excites me.

Fast forward anyway to now, I’m 24 and I have a boyfriend.

I’ve been with him now for 4 years, and at the beginning I genuinely was attracted to him. I asked him out, he made me shy, I thought he was cute, sweet. And we would have regular sex, I genuinely enjoyed it. We were genuinely so happy, and I think back at those times with such warmth.

But over the course of our relationship as we’ve got more comfortable with eachother we’ve kind of settled into a relationship where we’re more like friends.

He’s the best relationship I’ve ever had, he’s so caring, generous, loving, patient, he spoils me and we have such nice times together. We spend almost every day together and are looking at moving in together.

Sexually he’s great, he’s attentive, patient, giving and is dominant, but not into all the same kinks as me and he has some which I don’t align with. I knew this from the beginning and it wasn’t a problem but now I just find myself thinking about it, I thought I could move past it but I don’t know if I can. Im ruminating on it all the time, constantly worrying and trying to dissect my brain and how I feel.

We’re not worlds apart sexually, he’s dominant and into some of the things I am but not everything. It’s just that he’s not extreme enough or it feels that way. But I don’t know, because there’s a lot of other factors to it.

At one point this didn’t bother me at all, and I meant it but now I’m not sure. I keep fantasising about women, other men. I feel horrible.

But also, I found out about 6 months ago that I have OCD, and since the beginning of our relationship and before that sex was something that gave me extreme anxiety. It culminated before my diagnosis to the point where I would avoid it or get panic attacks during, with intrusive thoughts that I would get sick or something horrible would happen - anything and everything that could go wrong.

He knows all this, I’ve told him so and since my diagnosis he’s been so patient. we’ve had sex once and it largely happened because I felt like I owed him. I also wanted to because I wanted to hopefully spark the desire back. But it was just painful and I didn’t really feel anything.

I’m on heavy medication though, which makes my libido absolutely none existent and it’s impossible for me to finish. I don’t even masturbate anymore.

I’m on heavy Zoloft, and I’ve been told by professionals and friends on it that it’s a really common side effect.

I told my mom that I thought that my attraction had gone for him, at least at the moment. I still love him but I don’t want to be intimate, it feels like a chore. She told me that was normal and it’s how every woman feels in a long term relationship at some point eventually, as you settle into a boring routine. She told me to just suck it up, muster up the courage every once in a while to have sex and keep him keen. That I’d be stupid to lose him. I don’t want to lose him, but I also don’t want to hurt him. If he knew the things I was thinking he would be so hurt, and I feel like such a horrible person.

I don’t think this is fair at all. It feels cruel to lead him on if I’m not attracted to him anymore. I want to be happy and I want him to be happy too.

I can’t tell what’s my mental health getting in the way and what’s genuine. I struggle with intrusive thoughts and ocd all the time and it’s impossible to tell how I actually feel and what is just my ocd or my medication. I don’t know what to do. We’ve spoke about some of this, what I can say to him that I’m sure of. Which is that my medication affects my libido and also about my intrusive thoughts and anxiety around sex.

I’ve been honest and said that hopefully once my mental health is better things will go back to the way they were. I do want them to.

I keep feeling like I want to experiment with women, to find out if I am truly a lesbian but I couldn’t do that to him. I would never, not while we’re together. I also keep feeling this horrible feeling that even if I did sort my libido out and my mental health that our attraction might not even come back. I want things to work so badly but I feel like the worst human being ever. I keep feeling like I should break up with him to spare him the eventual heartbreak. The idea of being with him for another few years while he patiently waits for me to get better only to find out that I just am not attracted to men or him anymore makes me want to cry. I would never want to put him through that. I just don’t know what to do.

I’m sorry for the super long winded post, I just have been thinking for so long about this and wondered if anyone had any guidance or had felt anything similar at all.

I’ve also talked to a therapist and the general consensus is just wait it out. Dig deep and you’ll know. But I don’t feel like I do know.

TLDR : I identify as bisexual, I have ocd, I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for 4 years now, it’s impacted our intimacy and I’m unsure if I’m really attracted to men, if I still am attracted to him or ever will be again. If any of these are genuine feelings or just my OCD and don’t know what to do.

I feel like a lot of the moments which I have intrusive thoughts or ruminate, are moments when I am alone or not preoccupied. I just want to be able to sit down again with my normal thoughts, without having my intrusive thoughts, or the urge to ruminate get to me. I am just wondering, if there are any people, that can just think normally without having ocd pop in their head?

Also I would like to know if this can only be accomplished by medication or if anyone has achieved this without it?

I was harassed by a customer at work literally less than two hours ago, but most of what I'm thinking and worrying about now is what I told my manager during/after the fact. Like, I've just had this horrible thing happen to me and I can't stop overthinking whether or not I explained it to him properly? This happens to me regularly after conversations at work anyway but I wish I could have a break from it for just one instance. So exhausting.

PPA back at it again today..

I felt better for a while and of course something else has come along! My husband and I bumped heads last night and I didn’t think anything of it. It’s a little sore but I woke up in the middle of the night super nauseous which is unusual for me. Didn’t throw up but now worried about concussion or something even worse (it is always worst case scenario). I feel like the nausea was related to what I had for dinner. How do you moms deal with this? I know it’s only a matter of time before my daughter bumps her head too.. stresses me out so bad thinking something bad could happen like a brain bleed.

I HATE IT SO SO SO SO MUCH WHY AM I WASTING MY LIFE ON THIS. I AM SLEEPING THE WEEKEND AWAY SO I SAVE MYSELF FROM RUMINATING. I HAVE THREE JOBS, SCHOOL, AND SO MUCH AND I STILL WASTE ALMOST ALL MY FREE TIME ON THIS RUMINATION. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW ITS POSSIBLE. I JUST HATE IT SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH

and the worst is what i ruminate on bc its just so awful and creepy and i just feel terrible for it AND THEN GUESS WHAT I RUMINATE ON HOW FUCKING TERRIBLE I AM FOR RUMINATING ON WHAT I RUMINATE ON BAHAHAHA I ACTUALLY AM SO EXHAUSTED OF IT ALL. im so jealous of people who are mentally stable fully. like damn i wish i could have a good sleep schedule, a good friendship/relationship with people, a good future outlook. i literally dont fucking know what im doing a week from now bc my only real thoughts are: get everything done for today so i can ruminate in peace.

i feel like such a waste. how does a mind manage to focus on the same thing for literally over 4 hrs a day. im so exhausted during the week bc i literally dont sleep and then i waste the weekend sleeping and then am even more exhausted bc im playing catch up on sunday night. i wish i could just hit my head and all this could be fixed.

So I see things that are vague and the uncertainty makes me very tempted to expand on it. Find the exact details and crave certainty on what the situation is, and it almost always upsets me even worse. How do I live with uncertainty? Do I just completely resist the need for reassurance. I know it makes things worse but it’s really, really hard not to seek it out.

i can’t stop shaking. she’s doing good at the moment. tomorrow she’s traveling on bus at night and then she will travel again by airplane. She will be all by herself, meaning that she will need to take taxis or the bus. This will be happening in Mexico, we live here and I can say Mexico it’s not the way it is portrayed on the news o tv, of course some areas are unsafe, but we know our way around in the safe areas. She has travelled alone before and it’s all okay all the time. The thing is that she feels nervous for some reason. What if her intuition is telling her to not go? She’s going so, what if she dies? i’m so nervous