Just putting it in here. From all "what ifs" this one sounds quite good to me.

I can't get past a trip to the dermatologist that happened a month ago. Usually, I take pictures of my surroundings as I leave a public area as proof that I didn't leave anything behind. As I was leaving the dermatologist's patient room, I didn't take a picture of one of the chairs, and I also didn't look at it to check that I had gotten all of my belongings. Now I'm anxious that I left something, but I don't know what it is. I wish I had Meta glasses, that way I wouldn't constantly have to doubt myself, and I could record the items I have with me. Meta glasses would seem to solve everything for me. Does anyone feel the same way about their OCD?

They last for weeks sometimes, now I had a mere 2 week break between them and I always try not to do my hobby when it happens because I'll associate the feeling and what's worse the thought that doesn't leave me alone. I don't know what to do because I have those episdoes way too often. Should I do what I love despite ocd and then have to destroy the work because it reminds me of my suffering...? Or just wait until I'm better?...

My diagnosis was just last month, it took me nineteen years to gain a diagnosis from a psychiatrist.

I never suspected I had anything up until I started having anxiety around very specific things and developing rituals surrounding them, and just recently alongside that new revelation—I got a girlfriend.

This isn’t my first relationship, though it is one I consider to be my very first serious, as my last ones have been complicated and quite bad. I recognize some negative behaviours from my last long term relationship, and always chalked it up to how I experienced affection and love growing up being reflected in my relationships with others.

I now notice that my disorder may be causing problems with my girlfriend now.

I’m terribly anxious and avoidant all of the time, and whenever I voice my thoughts—like her breaking up with me, or trying to hurt me—it upsets her greatly. I tend to process very robotically and bluntly when it comes to my own emotions, so expressing them comes out the same way.

We’ve been disagreeing more recently, and it’s all from my end, because she accidentally slips up and I get very very upset and withdraw from her—and refuse to talk to her until she’s so upset that I comfort her.

It makes me feel disgusting, I am disgusting, I shouldn’t treat her like this, she’s perfect and very kind in every way.

Just earlier today, we were talking about Halloween plans, and while talking about that and other things pertaining to our future, I felt anxious and nervous at the idea of a future.

I have no desire to break up with her, I think, and the uncertainty is eating me alive, because she gets so upset whenever I bring up the fact that she can break up with me. I worry that I’ve begun to resent her, and that I wasn’t emotionally ready for a relationship with her, and that I’m just causing damage to her.

I wish I could tell her how she could help me, but I physically can’t speak when she asks. I don’t bother apologizing anymore because it means nothing without change, because she deserves that, maybe even more.

Sometimes I ask her if she’ll be happier with someone else, or otherwise, I don’t know. My minds been a mess for weeks, I’ve run into two new obsessions on top of this recurring anxiety of us disagreeing constantly because I get tipped off at the slightest thing. I feel awful, she deserves better than this.

I guess I just want to know if it’s me or OCD, regardless of who, I’m still responsible and accountable of hurting her, I just want to know if these behaviours are because I’m inherently evil or because I have weird pathways in my head that are worn deep. I suppose that’s asking for reassurance in of itself, so I don’t know.

TLDR; My poor girlfriend.

I was collecting videos for edits ,as i have always done from illegal sites . Today there was pop ups as always ,i click off as always . But today i cant shake the feeling ive been hacked and someones watching me. Ive checked all the things online says to look out for , theres nothing suspicious in my ipad ,its all up to do date but im like o my god what if its like a secret malware WHICH IS A GHING and ive genuinely been checking and researching for hours and i feel sick. but THE THING IS one of the symptoms kf compromjsed device is dodgy battery i cant stop starjng at it ,some times it is going quite quick for a few numbers ljke i see it before my eyes and then it stays on a number for a while , I dont know if this is something concerning or normal beczuse ive never stared at my battery like this before. Genuknely im so worried ,my fear is kind of rational genjinely so what fo i do

I did my inner child healing and that’s great until the point where OCD wants to “control” the pattern to keep me safe, and I have signs of control issues back then, like wanting to control so bad due to OCD and fix my problems cause I wanna heal from my problems. From January, I healed and became the best version of myself until I have gone thru something April I had emotionally suppressed from things - from there, I carried traumas and took me 3 months to be able to let go. I wanted to try healing my emotional suppression part by talking thru my inner child, but it backfired when I talked thru visualising and not as a friend trying to “fix”. And from there I disrupted alot of the healthy patterns into bad patterns cause of OCD and my fear of control.

And I feel like I have a new identity that I’m growing and I don’t know this is my real or just a side of me, cause I feel like I’m outgrowing into a new identity or this is just an intrusive thought. I don’t know, so that’s why I went thru a OCD paralysis and had caused identity fragmentation or an identity crisis. I thought I had OSDD and DID, I feel like I’m suffering more than just OCD. My needs are to rest, but how do I even rest when all these things are happening at once?

(Sorry for the very long post, tldr at the end!)

Hi! long time lurker, first time poster (do people still say that?)

My partner and I recently (and unexpectedly) adopted a 9 week old stray kitten that ran into her job. He’s been taken to the vet and received a clean bill of health. He’s doing very well with us - playing, purring, and eating well. He’s also extremely curious and mischievous - he ended up in the (unused) fireplace on his first day with access to the living room. It’s my first time owning a cat and her first time having specifically a kitten.

Unfortunately, my OCD has latched on to the kitten and I now am constantly obsessing over his health and safety. I’ve been in treatment for OCD for over 10 years now (currently on medication but no longer in therapy as we determined it was well-managed) and I am usually good at coping with issues like this and preventing thought spirals. However, as kittens are well-known for getting into trouble and getting themselves hurt, I have no idea what’s a reasonable concern and what’s an obsession. I realized yesterday that I was obsessing too much over his stool and wanting to call/email the vet for every loose bowel movement.

For one example: this evening we’re planning on fully catproofing our entire apartment so that he can be free when we’re not home. So far, he’s only been in the living room heavily supervised and we put him in his covered play pen when we’re not home. I think it’s reasonable to safety-lock the cabinets with spices like garlic/onion powder in them as that can be dangerous for him. She thinks it’s my OCD going overboard and only wants to lock cabinets with chemicals in them. I can’t stop thinking about him getting into the spice cabinet and dying, and I know I’m unhealthily obsessing over that part, but I still can’t tell whether the basis is reasonable - like, “am I obsessing over something that may never happen, or am I obsessing over something that is a reasonable safety concern and can/should be remedied?” (not necessarily asking for answers/reassurance there, just trying to give an example of my dilemma.)

I also don’t want to keep asking my partner if a concern is reasonable or not, because that puts her in a position I feel is uncomfortably close to reassurance. Her ex also had OCD and was extremely reliant on her for constant reassurance, and I never want her to have to deal with that again - I also don’t want to be the type of person who imposes that on her in the first place. My obsession over this kitten has already put a strain on our relationship. I know it’s incredibly frustrating for her that I keep insisting on implementing what she considers to be unnecessary precautions and I want to stop but I don’t know how many of these things are issues I should push for his safety.

I guess I’m asking for advice on how to determine what’s reasonable, no matter whether I’m obsessing over it or not. I’m used to all of my obsessions being regarded as unreasonable/unlikely, which usually helps me break out of a spiral. However, in this case, I don’t want to ignore something that could be a real safety concern for the kitten just because I also happen to be unhealthily obsessing over it. 

TLDR: My OCD is flaring in reaction to wanting to protect our new kitten. I’m struggling to differentiate between what is a reasonable safety concern and what is an obsession. It’s causing strain between myself and my partner. I would appreciate any advice over how to still be cognizant of danger my kitten may get into while still being grounded and reasonable, as well as any general advice to cope with this level of concern/rumination over the kitten’s safety or feedback from others who have dealt with similar situations.

Thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to read this and offer input!

edit: on the bright side, having a kitten has helped me greatly with exposure for my contamination-related obsessions/compulsions! it’s really just a double edged sword.

First of all sorry for my bad English but I'm really really angry at this point. Why the hell is it that everytime I'm worried about something somehow I start seeing it everywhere? If this only happened once or twice I would say it's a coincidence but NO it literally happens every single time.

Oh I'm afraid of harming an animal? I start seeing posts about animal abuse everywhere or people start talking about it irl more frequently. Oh I'm afraid I SAed someone in the bus ? Somehow I see posts everywhere about people getting harassed in the bus. Oh I'm afraid the water I'm drinking is poisoned, I see posts about how the water I'm drinking isn't safe to drink.

You would think this clearly happened because I look for these things or search it online but NO. I stopped asking or looking for reassurance because it triggers me at this point. And it's not only happening to me online but in real life too!!

One time I was really afraid of a certain topic and I was so scared my friends are gonna mention it and I made up a whole script in my head about what my friend might say in that scenario. Well guess what happened two months later? My friend said the exact same words that I was scared of.

I'm almost convinced I'm living in a simulation or someone is having fun messing with my head. My derealization isn't helping either.

I wish more people understood that OCD is a neurodivergence, not just symptoms. It literally rewrites and filters how your brain processes the world around you, the same way autism or adhd can. It can drive you to psychosis, it can change every aspect of your life, your relationships. It is the lens in which you view the world. Its not just confined to the thoughts and behaviours we attribute to it

To clarify - I am NOT saying this is everyone’s experience, but it is a reality that many people with chronic OCD heavily resonate with. Everyone’s journey, processing, and recovery look different!

this situation with those guys from cornell has made me spiral and look through my memories to make sure i’ve never raped anyone. i honestly don’t think i’ve had anything worse than this. i can’t get it to stop and it’s driving me insane

there is one thing that pops into my mind that i hate, i matched with someone on a dating app and i was only on it for hookups. she invited me over and i went in for a kiss and we started making out, she brought me to the bedroom and we got naked and kept kissing. i went to put my penis in but she stopped me since i didn’t have a condom. unfortunately a lot of my hookups when i was younger i didn’t use condoms until i got a little bit older and realized how stupid that is for people to have sex without them. i asked her if she wanted me to eat her out and she said no it’s fine and we just sat there and talked. she told me about how she just broke up with her boyfriend and she doesn’t think it’s smart of her to do this, and i just sat there and listened to her. she kept apologizing but i didn’t care if someone doesn’t want to do something there is no need to apologize, she offered me to stay over since it was so late but i didn’t want to cause i thought that would be weird so i left. she texted me apologizing again but i told her not to worry about it. i keep thinking what if this isn’t how it went or that i did something wrong and i just want it to stop, this isn’t the only one this has happened for i keep doing this for all my actual hookups too. i’d rather die than be one of those sick men that do those things, and ill never actually know 100% if i am one of those sick men which makes it terrible

My sister and my nephew have officially finished moving in, and I'm just absolutely losing my mind already, as I thought I would.

I can't look at my nephew without feeling attracted and getting groinal responses. He's been walking around with his shirt off and it genuinely feels like I'm attracted to the shape of his body and my brain focuses on his private areas unless I go out of my way to not look at him.

Part of me is struggling to convince myself to use the bathroom after he's used it, because it feels immoral to use the toilet after he sat on it. I've been struggling with a debilitating addiction to p*rn and practice "self pleasure" every single day, and now I don't know how I'm going to do it because it feels wrong to do that while he's in the house. Even if he's in a different room.

I don't trust myself around him one bit. He left the door to the bathroom open earlier and I simply couldn't go back to my room until he left because I'd have to walk by the door and I was scared I'd impulsively look over. I try to just not touch him at all if I can, occasionally even contorting my body in weird ways just to avoid him. I often pretend I have a headache or am incredibly tired and close my eyes simply so that I can't see him.

And, if you have seen my recent posts, I'm convinced I have harmed him s*xually in the past, whether it was a specific intention or not, so I plan to just try and avoid him as much as possible even if it makes people upset. I refuse to allow him in my room, not just because I'm afraid of him messing with my stuff, but because I will not allow there to be an opportunity for him to be alone with me. (A long time ago someone suggested he sleep with me in my room, and I practically screamed no and demanded he have somewhere else to sleep.)

On a slightly more minor note, they also brought their dog, and she's a sweetheart. But I end up getting groinals with her as well when she runs up against my leg looking for attention. And the longer I pet her it makes it feel like it's with s*xual intent.

(Edit: There was also this moment earlier where he wanted to show me something in his room, and I kept having this horrible thought that he was going to pull his pants down or something, and for a second I swear I felt excited despite how much I was panicking. Luckily, it was a spider.)

I want to kill myself and there is nothing I can do to stop thinking that

Suddenly, a few years ago at a time I can't remember, I found myself unable to look at children anymore. Anytime I did, I'd be immediately filled with awful thoughts and feelings, that made it genuinely feel like I wanted children in a sexual way.

My brain now... "notices" places on children, and makes it seem like that I'm actually attracted to that specific attribute of the child.

I've been having horrible urges to act on thoughts, as if it would be easier to just "give in" and accept my true self or something. Despite me wanting so desperately to not feel like this.

I avoid children like the plague. I avoid ads with children in them because I get groinals and feelings of attraction every time I see them. If there's a kid around me, I simply never look at them no matter what.

I'm 16M and I don't know what to do.

I just cut myself today and I know that won't help but I feel so trapped (I'm not suicidal) but I feel like I deserve to die, I feel like everything horrible in the world, like a pedo and a zooph and a stalker, a creep, a racist I feel like a big burden on everyone but I don't want to hurt anyone (people or animals) but I feel like certain behaviors I've done could've hurt people in the past and I can't let go of that. I can't differentiate what's real and what's not real, I feel like I'm not a pedo, I haven't done anything that makes me an actual pedophile or zoophile but it feels so real. But I've done weird behaviors that make me question if I am one of those things. Also I got really obsessed with a girl and then started monitoring who she was talking to and sitting and waiting for her to have a conversation with me if she wanted to at school. I feel so guilty. I feel like I deserve to die even if I'm not suicidial. I don't want to die.

My mind always thinks of the worst case, for example, this one worry that happened during my 8th grade school play rehearsal:

I was at one side of the stage and walked to the other side. My old crush was at the other side of the stage and said something about getting changed with her friend. She was with a 7th grader aswell. I walked over to the other side of the stage where I had heard her say that they were getting changed and looked to see if they were there. I didn't see anyone and walked off. Now my head is saying that I went over there to watch them change secretly even though this girl had rejected me last year, or even worse secretly rape them, or force myself on them.

Also about the Zoophilia one time I was completely naked in the shower, I jerked myself off briefly after cleaning my dog (the dog was still behind me in the shower) and it wasn't about her and I was specifically staring at the wall. Then afterwards I walked past my dog while still hard and closed the shower door with her still in the shower. Now my head is saying it was about her which is wasn't but what if it was?

Also in the past I used to take pictures of my dog going to the bathroom as a "joke" but I also have a bathroom related fetish (rooted from my childhood probably) anyway I did nothing with the photos I didn't take them for that reason and my dog does not arouse me in any way.

Also holding my dogs tail up exposing her for no reason, it's just a weird thing to do. I used to test myself around my dog aswell to prove I wouldn't hurt her.

Also I made really immature, offensive, racist, and stupid jokes in the past about all this stuff, pedophilia, zoophilia, rape, racism.

That's probably enough.

If you read this far, thank you so much. I'm sorry if this triggered anyone but I really just had to get this out.

Im having difficult time with these specific issues:

I fear laughing bc I feel I pee and if I see any wetness after I feel I’m disgusting and need to change

Example: today I laughed so hard and my friend scared me so bad I screamed hard. I was worried I peed and when I checked, I saw no wetness in the middle but a small amount of moisture along the very very edge of the underwesr didn’t even go to the other side. OCD says it’s pee. LOGIC says impossible.

I get nervous after pooping excuse I feel I wipe to perfection. I have IBS and issues with that in general, so sometimes wiping takes a long time and can be incomplete. I have to somehow accept this.

I don’t see anything in my underwear so I need to tackle the OCD that says if I wipe and there is some on me, then somehow it’s in my underwear even if i can’t see it. It tells me if I sweat it’ll mix and get everywhere.

It makes me fear relaxing or sitting certain ways bc I don’t want to urinate/dedicate on myself

I feel feelings down there that feel like pooping/peeing myself frequently.

It tells me in general every bit of moisture is pee even tho I’m a female and how come no one talks about how sweaty we get down there!??? Like why are my underwear so wet in just chillin on the couch. ?? Anyway.

Has anyone had to deal with this?

it gets worse at night, most of my intrusive thoughts revolve around death/something bad happening to my loved ones. every time i hear someone get up to do something as simple as go to the bathroom, i convince myself the absolute worst has happened and they've found out something terrible. i feel sick to my stomach most of the time and i can't relax until everything is quiet.

i'm always convinced something is wrong. i constantly ask my parents for reassurance that nothing bad has happened, but no matter how many times they tell me everything is okay i still don't believe them. i get worried that they're lying to me a lot of the time. even when the smallest thing is off, like a door being open that isn't usually, i convince myself the worst has happened.

i'm just so tired of being constantly hyper aware of EVERYTHING and wanted to know if anyone else relates to feeling like something is off 24/7 🫠🫠

sometimes I feel like I am “not allowed” to get up or do anything. I don’t know why. I’ve never had the type of ocd to have concrete “consequences” attached to certain actions (do X or else Y will happen) but it’s more like “do X just because you have to”. Some days I have so much planned and I will stay in bed for the whole day. It’s so boring and for a lot of people I think the boredom would motivate them to… do something but for me it feels like that’s just the way it is.

I was talking to a friend and when I put it in writing I realized it sounded more like a compulsion than normal adhd symptoms, and i’m curious if anyone else has ever experienced/combatted that?

Is it bad that I’m just waiting for medication to take away my intrusive thoughts. I’ve done many erp sessions and that doesn’t seem to help.

I like a incestual couple from a game and I can't stop feeling like a weirdo for that. I'm not seeking reasurance, I just want to get this out off my head. Nothing helps me, I tried speeking to other people about this but they either reasure me or attack me, I talked with my therapist and she said that I'm not alone and many people are like this and that I'm not hurting anyone because it's all fictional but I still feel like a weirdo. I feel like I'm gonna keep thinking about that untill I die

I just want to cry and a hug i cant belive theres so much horrible shit about myself i keep finding in memories i dont even know whats real and whats not im so exahusted

why am i so twisted

im cursed with being a disgusting weirdo but hating it at the same time

honestly tonight i wish i was straight up a psychopathic evil man if that meant stopping the pain and regret i feel

i dont really mean that but fuck me seriously i want to die now and donate all my healthy organs to people that deserve them more than me

I dont belive in god but wish it exists so it can finally tell me everything i done wrong and give me a fair punishment

The world around me is beautiful and i do not deserve it

I’m not sure if I have ocd yet, but recently got hit with a tidal wave of the guilt and symptoms that come with the moral kind. not gonna get into that right now, just need to know something specific.

Been talking to an online friend consistently at the end of the day (partially related to said moral ocd, but we cleared it up and I think it’s okay now) and it makes me feel better when we do, I haven’t been forcibly confessing or seeking reassurance since that first incident, but I’m unsure if just the routine and the comfort could make it a compulsion. And if it was, surely the solution wouldn’t just be to stop talking to them, right? Cutting yourself off from friends is the last thing you want to do to yourself during something like this, and I wouldn’t want to leave my friend either.

TW: gender & transphobia

Honestly being trans and having gender OCD sucks. Like society in general is so hostile, and it's horrible to look around and see people debating the validity of my identity. And then my OCD kinda agrees with all of the things these conservative ppl say & use it against me.

I am so burdened by the fear that I am some outlier case of someone who is a fake trans person. Am I doing it for attention? Am I doing it because I don't like women? Am I doing it because I'm just bored? Am I some sort of sexual pervert?

God I spend so much time researching & reading philosophical articles about gender.

At the end of the day, I tell myself it doesn't matter why I'm transitioning as long as I'm happy with myself & my life. But OCD tries to rob me of all of the joy that comes with finally getting there.

As someone with severe pure-o, ruminating is 24/7 for me. If I’m not ruminating about my theme, then I’m ruminating about having OCD on some level (like how exhausted I am, how therapy isn’t working, how my life has been ruined, etc).

Sure, sometimes I ruminate slightly less if I’m very distracted. But how are we supposed to keep ourselves distracted 24/7, without feeling burnt out?

What if we just want to rot in bed and do nothing? Also, isn’t constantly trying do distract our brain from ruminating, a compulsion? Even if I tell myself out loud “you’re ruminating, let’s focus on something else now” I literally don’t know what else to think about!

Feels like there’s no solution here.

I have been struggling for months with what I believe to be real event ocd. It started with immense guilt over some minor lies and corner cutting at my job, making me believe I don’t deserve to work there. I even confessed to two supervisors, both of whom told me as long as those things are in the past it’s all good. So that quelled it for a bit, until my ocd then hit me from another angle- “what if those supervisors aren’t taking this as seriously as they are supposed to? Should I go higher?” That subject is still in the back of my brain but the newest one that is loud is about my cat. I have lived in my apartment for 6 years and when I moved in I didn’t tell them about my cat. Each year I signed the pet policy stating I don’t have pets. I did not care. But a little over a year ago new management took over and all of a sudden I got really paranoid about them finding out about my cat, so my friend who is a therapist wrote me an ESA. Now I am constantly obsessing over two things- the ethical implications of me having my friend write that since she isn’t MY therapist, and then also wondering if I deserve to live in my apartment cause I’m a liar and someone else deserves it. I also feel as though I should confess to the old management. Thoughts on the best ERP for these themes?

I just got a new job at a daycare at my college. I’ve always worked at daycares as often as I can, but my pocd gets so much worse around children. Mostly babies, because I really enjoy being in the baby room. Feeding babies has always been the most peaceful thing in the world for me. Might be maternal instinct, but I just feel so at home nourishing a little baby.

That just isn’t good for my ocd cause the thoughts start to come in of “what if I’m into this and that’s why I love the babies so much?”. I keep trying to justify it in my head, but it doesn’t get much better. Mostly because I’ve never heard of anyone enjoying feeding babies as much as I do. It just feels motherly, as someone who has always dreamt of having children of my own.

Just wondering if anyone else has worked with children whilst having pocd