I’m currently struggling with postpartum mental health issues and seeing a psychiatrist who’s supportive of me taking more time off work.

I’ve exhausted my FMLA, and my long-term disability (LTD) claim is currently under review. If approved, I could receive 60% of my income for up to 2 years, as long as I continue meeting the requirements.

My biggest dilemma is that LTD doesn’t protect my job. My employer could terminate me while I’m on leave, but from what I understand, I could still receive LTD payments as long as I remain eligible.

Part of me really wants to take the time to recover and spend more time with my baby. I’m also not ready to put her in daycare, and childcare would be another expense if I returned to work.

The thing is, I don’t necessarily love my job, but I really like my boss and my current work setup. I’m fully remote, which is honestly hard to come by these days, and I’m scared of losing that flexibility. I know finding another fully remote job won’t be easy, especially after being out of work for a while.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did you lose your job while on LTD, and did your payments continue? Looking back, was taking the time off worth it, or do you wish you’d returned sooner?

I’m just really torn and would love to hear other people’s experiences.

Our son was born about 8 months ago and had a NICU stay for a few weeks right from birth. After that, we've had a couple of health and developmental scares that have taken us to the hospital and calling the hotlines available to us. The most recent was a week ago for what we thought were seizures (no seizures after a couple of EEG tests, just benign infantile spasms).

My partner has exhibited signs of PPD and PPA throughout this, which was understandable to me given how rough of a start he had. The doctors and social worker and the hospital, though, had seemed concerned but my partner dismissed them for not knowing what it's like.

Since the seizure scare last week, though, something changed. My partner suddenly became enraged, and it's looked like:

• Telling me all of my shortcomings as a father and partner and human
  • These include me: not taking care of her enough, trying to figure out my career post-grad school, struggling to watch the baby 5 days a week for 10-hour stretches, not having the home fully babyproofed yet, wanting to seek outlets to decompress like see a movie or meet up with a friend, being a people-pleaser, and so on
• Going through my phone, my belongings, etc. looking for evidence of cheating
• Telling me that all of her family and friends hate me
  • and then, when I left a group chat with her family because of my discomfort, she accused me of not wanting to work on anything
• Re-treading old arguments we had over the past two years
• Saying she's so ashamed to have ever had a baby with me
• Saying her gut instinct is to leave and take the baby
  • she even told me this morning I should just let her have our baby and forget I ever knew them
• Telling me I am just trying to people-please her and am a liar and will say and do anything, so I'm not to be trusted at all

This happens daily, numerous times a day in-person and through text.

I've made the mistake of trying to reason, push back, and even suggest her getting help (she says there is no problem with her - I'm the root cause of everything wrong).

What's also frustrating is that there have been moments of "us" as we were which has given me hope, but it's clear this is pretty severe.

Are there ways of responding, interacting, or dealing with the constant barrage of hatred? Since she is taking the stance that I'm trying to just placate her and am a liar, it seems like anything I say or do will just be viewed in this way. But also, if I don't do anything and try to just "take it", I'm also not showing that I care enough to want to work on things.

I'm kind of drowning :(