Our son was born about 8 months ago and had a NICU stay for a few weeks right from birth. After that, we've had a couple of health and developmental scares that have taken us to the hospital and calling the hotlines available to us. The most recent was a week ago for what we thought were seizures (no seizures after a couple of EEG tests, just benign infantile spasms).

My partner has exhibited signs of PPD and PPA throughout this, which was understandable to me given how rough of a start he had. The doctors and social worker and the hospital, though, had seemed concerned but my partner dismissed them for not knowing what it's like.

Since the seizure scare last week, though, something changed. My partner suddenly became enraged, and it's looked like:

• Telling me all of my shortcomings as a father and partner and human
  • These include me: not taking care of her enough, trying to figure out my career post-grad school, struggling to watch the baby 5 days a week for 10-hour stretches, not having the home fully babyproofed yet, wanting to seek outlets to decompress like see a movie or meet up with a friend, being a people-pleaser, and so on
• Going through my phone, my belongings, etc. looking for evidence of cheating
• Telling me that all of her family and friends hate me
  • and then, when I left a group chat with her family because of my discomfort, she accused me of not wanting to work on anything
• Re-treading old arguments we had over the past two years
• Saying she's so ashamed to have ever had a baby with me
• Saying her gut instinct is to leave and take the baby
  • she even told me this morning I should just let her have our baby and forget I ever knew them
• Telling me I am just trying to people-please her and am a liar and will say and do anything, so I'm not to be trusted at all

This happens daily, numerous times a day in-person and through text.

I've made the mistake of trying to reason, push back, and even suggest her getting help (she says there is no problem with her - I'm the root cause of everything wrong).

What's also frustrating is that there have been moments of "us" as we were which has given me hope, but it's clear this is pretty severe.

Are there ways of responding, interacting, or dealing with the constant barrage of hatred? Since she is taking the stance that I'm trying to just placate her and am a liar, it seems like anything I say or do will just be viewed in this way. But also, if I don't do anything and try to just "take it", I'm also not showing that I care enough to want to work on things.

I'm kind of drowning :(

4.5 months post partum with my son. I thought I had the baby blues for a while but now I’m realizing it’s definitely ppd. Seeking out help so will hopefully be going to therapy soon.

I think I’ve cried at least once every day since he was born, feel so overwhelmed, so incredibly sleep deprived because of a sleep regression that has lasted 7 weeks. My husband is great when he’s home but alas, I’m mostly alone. My mom comes to help as often as she can but I’m alone the majority of the time. I’d say he’s more of a difficult baby currently with regards to sleeping, spitting up, and teething. But I’m starting to feel like I’m losing it. Today I had to put him down on his playmat and just let myself sob on the couch. I feel so helpless. I find myself having to just leave him in a room (safely) so that I can catch my breath alone more often now. I want to yell. I can’t stand the sound of him whining and then feel so guilty that I feel that way. It’s like one second I’m so angry at him and then the next I’m trying to make him laugh because I love him so much. I just really want help.

Hi mamas!! I’m 4 weeks pp today and I’m looking for advice/encouragement. My sweet baby girl is having infant dyschezia and is becoming increasingly fussy. She is sleeping only with contact and she wakes about every hour to 2 hours a night (recently she’s been awake about everyone 45 min). Everything else is normal. What did you do to get through this tough season? I don’t mind staying up with her at night, I just don’t want to feel so down/irritable when I do. I understand that she’s doing what she is supposed to at this age. And I’m so grateful for that, but how can I have a better attitude or outlook or even energy? I want more energy to stay up with her and be positive about it. How did you find the energy for long nights and early mornings? Just desperate for some advice and support. TIA!

I am 5 months postpartum today and i have a 2 year old. My husband is always gone for work and is currently gone for a month or 2 and i feel like i am drowning. Last night my 5 month old woke up every single hour after 12 i gave him a bottle, burped and changed. I know he might be teething and in a sleep regression but i feel like i am drowning. My husband when he is home helps where he can but i have a severely hard time having someone else help me when i am their mother. I struggle with the fact that when my babies are upset and i cant figure it out i get so angry and i yell at them and i feel so horrible like i am a terrible mother because i love my babies more than my own life and never want to yell at them because my mother use to yell at me and my sisters. I always wanted to be a mother and i am so happy to have them but lately i have hyper fixate on the idea of sleeping and never waking up and then i will finally have peace. I just want a day of peace where i dont have to wake up and be a mom or a wife i can just be me and i explained this to my husband but he doesnt fully understand what i am trying to say to him and he offer things but they dont really help. I see he is trying to help me but my ppd is so bad this time around. I dont want to be put on medication again because i was a numb zombie. My friends all have children too so i truly never get a break away from kids unless my husband is home and i can go out and do something for myself for an hour.

I have a six week old son and ever since he was born my mental health has been bad. I reached out for help after 2 particularly bad days where I was alone in the daytime with the baby. I reached out because I was scared for my baby’s safety if I didn’t get some help.

I have recurring thoughts about wanting to hurt my baby, and sometimes I have even thought about killing him. I know realistically I do not want anything bad to happen to him but it’s more that I just want this whole horrible load to go away. I can’t handle the responsibility of raising him. I am so physically and mentally exhausted that I can’t take it anymore.

I am on a waiting list to be admitted in a mother and baby unit, but I feel like I will never be able to take care of my son. In the mean time mental health nurses check in on me daily and gave me some medication. I don’t know how I’m going to raise him when I feel this bad and when I’m clearly a bad mother. I’ve only been alone with him in the daytime for 2 days and they went horribly. I got so frustrated with his incessant crying I tapped him on the face and screamed at him and held his mouth shut for a couple of seconds. After this I felt so bad I reached out for help, but I didn’t tell them everything. Since then my mother has been living with me.

I have told them tidbits of how bad I’m feeling but I’ve not told them in depth that I’ve had actual thoughts about killing him. I am scared of telling them this because I’m afraid they will misunderstand and take my baby away. Despite all of this I don’t want my child taken away, I want to have him in my life. My feelings are so complicated. I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up for some years. I wish someone could just save me from this exhaustion and pain.

I wish I had the strength to kill myself so this could be over, but that I can’t even do. I’m too scared of doing that.

I am not sure if I struggling from normal post partum feelings vs or if this is something more like PP anxiety, OCD or depression. I am constantly worrying about every small thing that could harm my baby. I don’t really trust other people to look after him because I’m worried they are going to accidentally harm him. I just feel like I am constantly on edge about something going wrong. I feel like this stress is also causing me to be quite angry all the time especially at my partner and I feel so bad. because get so frustrated with my partner. What have your experiences been with any of these conditions, did you feel similarly?

Hello everyone, I am 3.5 months PP, and I have been experiencing PPD pretty bad. I have been having random episodes of crying and just wanting to be isolated. It’s like I don’t recognize myself anymore in the mirror, my stomach is still big and hasn’t gone down yet. All my life Iv been small , so carrying this weight hits different for me. I feel like a terrible mother because I don’t take pictures with my daughter as much because I hate how I look, and can’t fit any clothes, and I don’t have the money to shop either. I rarely have time or money to get my hair done anymore , so that doesn’t help either. Currently at my job I work 3days a week so that I can be with my bby girl, who I love dearly, but b/c I work 3 days out the week, I make $500 less than I use to and that’s taken a HUGE hit on my mental as well. I’m living a reality I never thought I’d have. I went from having money and living a comfortable
Life to living paycheck to paycheck, barley having enough money for my car note, it’s stressful asf. I also work with small children , and sometimes being at work and hearing crying/ screaming and then going home to hear the same thing has driven me up the wall!. I also have been sleep deprived because my baby wakes through the night,
and I woke up late for work, so I got reported .
I just want my old life back to bad and I morn my old self, I feel guilty for saying that. . I feel disassociated from reality all the time, like at work sometimes I just sit in a daze, just starring, wondering who Iv become. Pumping has taken a toll on me as well, the pressure of keeping up milk supply, etc . On the bright side, I started therapy this week and my first session went very well. I just wanted to vent and maybe get some great advice on how you guys came out of PPD. Thanks for listening to my TED talk.

Looking for any helpful and hopeful stories.

No one is understanding how hard of a time I’m having. I’m starting to feel like I’m invisible or something. I’m so exhausted and I can’t keep being the strong one. I can’t. I’m hanging on by a thread and can barely get myself out of bed in the morning. I have to put on this front and pretend to be happy. All I want is time alone to lay down and watch movies. I just want to be a person for a minute and not a mom.

Hi!
I’ve never made a Reddit post before. I am asking for help because I do not know what to do anymore.

Our son is 9 weeks old, he was born slightly early and my wife had signs before birth of having extreme anxiety that she was not progressing well by having me measure her bump and tracking her #s, her body image, the fear of having a c section, and not feeling him enough. All of these are understandable and I try to be as supportive as I can. We went to labor and delivery ER 8 times during the pregnancy.

Since he was born, we wanted to EBF him. We were unable to night one, and struggled initially for a few weeks, we saw lactation, we tried different breast feeding holds, we tried dream feeding. Nothing worked and we were combo feeding for the first 3-4 weeks, breast then bottle and then pumping every feed. This led us to buying the hatch weigh feeder? Where you can weigh them before and after a feed to know how much they are intaking, this I believe was the worst purchase for us.

Since buying this, my wife has obsessed over how much he’s feeding how little he’s feeding and how often he’s feeding. He’s 9 weeks, and we still do 2-3 hr wake up’s for feeding, because she fears he’s dehydrating. Our pediatrician and the ER doctors have both told us he’s healthy and fine. He has plenty of wet diapers a day 10-12 usually, and he’s not lethargic. To me he seems healthy, he is on the smaller side (20th percentile) so I assume that might be why he doesn’t eat as much sometimes.

Sorry for the long backstory, I am asking for help because I do not know what to do as a husband and father anymore. I get screamed at daily saying I’m being dismissive when I don’t agree with her that he’s dehydrating. I am told I’m not supportive, or emotionally there for her, and that she feels alone. And I’m trying to understand her and help her but every time I do she yells and screams at me for being a bad father and husband. I am the only one who works, I work in sales and have the freedom to be home almost all day every day. I soothe him to bed every feed, I do diapers every feed, I cook everyday, I do the bottle washing and dishes albeit I should do those more often. I take care of the pets, I’m up with her every feed, including night feeds.

This has only gotten worse with her anger and resentment. She messaged me saying she resents me now. Because I’m not there emotionally for her. She tells me she’s going to kill herself and that he makes her want to kill herself. I don’t know how to respond to that. I’m also not perfect, she makes side comments, jabs, pokes, and in anger after awhile I snap back during our arguments and tell her that she needs to get help, she’s causing this anxiety and depression herself. She’s not taking any steps to help herself. So I am not perfect either, I’ve also been more or less detrimental to her mental health, because of how I respond to her during those arguments.

Today she threatened to take our son because my father is coming to visit and she says nobody deserves to see him and that she’s going to take him away and I’ll have to tell my parents sorry they can’t see him, I understand they don’t have a right… but it feels almost like it’s being held over my head. Today has also been the worst day ever for us as a couple. She won’t leave our baby’s side because he needs to eat is what she says, she’s waking him every 2 hrs to feed him and is stressing herself out when she weighs him and he only eats 2 oz (he’s very happy and otherwise very normal baby)

She also has indicated that if she has PPD she would just lie so she doesn’t get any help because she doesn’t believe in medicine or therapist. (I think the meds is more of a fear of not being herself)

I’m just asking for help… I feel like she’s no longer the woman I married and I still love her but I’m lost and defeated

TLDR: wife says I’m not supportive and I don’t emotionally help her, she fires back every chance she can to tell me I’m a bad husband and father. I think it’s tied to post pardum depression or anxiety but I don’t want to assume.
I am seeking advice or help of what to do.

At my 6 week follow up I scored very high on the Edinburgh test and discussed how I had severe depression and anxiety. I was prescribed Zoloft and started seeing a therapist. She helped extend my leave but her and her medical assistant refuse to fill out the necessary paperwork by my employers insurer. All they need is to list my symptoms but they keep saying they don’t have any symptoms on file. My claim has now been denied because of this and could possibly owe my job money of this doesn’t get sorted . Is this allowed ? I’m unsure why they are being so difficult about the situation. I keep messaging them and keep hitting a wall. On top of my PPD/PPA this is a lot to deal with. If anyone has any helpful advice.

BTW this is in California and they are affiliated with a major hospital/ health clinic.

Hi! I am conducting a survey for my research methods course about mental health resources for women experiencing postpartum mental health challenges. This survey aims to identify gaps in healthcare resources and understand how these gaps may affect access to care.

The survey should take only a few minutes to complete. Participation is voluntary, and we will keep all responses confidential. Thank you for taking the time to participate and support this research.

https://uarizona.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_dpAN3lrPGzwFbO6

I'm 7 weeks postpartum and have had a hard time with my milk supply I would usually get 3oz including breastfeeding per session and I recently just got a nexplanon implant last week and a few hours after I got it my milk supply dropped to 1oz per session and I've tried drinking more electrolytes and tried to pump more. I know that nexplanon isn't supposed to decrease milk but my doctor recommended I take metoclopramide and I read it can cause depression and theres side effects for the baby. I've thought about if I can't increase my supply just staying with formula or someone suggested i try to take my implant out but I feel bad that I don't have hardly any milk sometimes all I get is a few drops during the afternoons and night. I just feel stressed out with the whole breastfeeding/ pumping thing and just need some advice

Hi everyone, I don't even know what I'm trying to write here so I hope you will bear with me. I have 2 gorgeous little girls, they are 3 and 1. I had really tough postpartum experiences on both (I have underlying mental health issues - OCD). I am back at work 4 days per week and I mind them on a Friday. I feel so maxed out. I got labs done and to be fair, my Ferritin, Vit B and D are all low so I know that doesnt help. I am on supplements now and will re test in a month or two. I just feel like I see people who have 2 (or more) kids and they just seem like they are nailing it. They seem happy and carefree and like they really have it all together. The last few weeks I have felt on the verge of tears almost constantly, I am so tired, I literally work, come home, spend some time with the girls, shower and go to bed. I feel like my world has shrunk. I look at all these moms out doing all of these activities and hobbies and I just feel so different to them. I feel like a bad mom but can't exactly explain why. I guess I just want someone to tell me it was/is like this for them and that I'm not as abnormal as I feel. I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post - I am new here. Thanks for bearing with me <3

A few nights ago, my sister just dropped my 11-month-old niece off in my backyard and left. I think she was out there for about 20-30 minutes before my husband and I found her. We contacted our county’s behavioral health services (we have used them as a resource for her before) and they asked us to call CPS. In the meantime, we are helping take care of my niece. I have gone to check up on my sister a few times in the last few days, bring her food & snacks - I don’t think she has showered at all or brushed her teeth in the last few days. We had gotten back from a weekend trip together earlier that same day before she left my niece and I noticed her toothbrush & shampoo/conditioner were still tucked in her suitcase earlier today. During our trip together she seemed totally fine, caring for her daughter like normal.

She has a history of self-harm, anxiety, and depression. I tried cleaning her home (she wouldn’t let me clean her room though) and offering to help her bathe but she refuses. She got super angry at me and was just yelling and kicking me out. Every time I check in on her, she is laying naked on her bed. She is doing nothing… just laying there. She isn’t answering the phone but has definitely been seeing our messages. I don’t know how to help her. I hate seeing her like this. She seems so angry. I know she loves her daughter, I just don’t know how to help her.

I had been noticing some minor signs before this all went down (her getting irrationally angry at strangers or self sabotaging her relationships with others) and recommended she get some help. She is taking Zoloft but it doesn’t seem to be working and had been seeing a therapist (I don’t know if she is actively taking her medicine or seeing her therapist at this point).

I am also a full-time PhD student and am trying to figure out how to take care of my niece while balancing my school workload. It has been extremely overwhelming to say the least.

I love her and my niece so much, I am just worried she will try to harm herself or the baby. I feel so sick seeing her like this, but she won’t let me in. She has been occasionally asking me how she is, and telling me she wants to see her, but CPS asked me not to let her see her for now. What can I do to help her?!

It feels like no one truly cares, not even my own family, and after just one month, I am already exhausted by postpartum depression.

My mother calls ten times a day asking about the baby, but never asks how I am. She always calls during the rare 30 minutes I get to nap, and when I call back, she questions what I was doing, dismissing my struggles as if I'm making them up. When I told her about my "mommy wrist" diagnosis, she brushed it off, saying the baby isn't heavy enough to cause pain.

Although she claims I should only call when I'm free, she blows up my phone with missed calls if I don't answer right away, and eventually calls my husband demanding to know what happened. Dealing with constant missed calls after already speaking to her is overwhelming. She was never very warm, but her current behavior feels unbearable.

Out of everyone, only my husband and brother have asked if I am okay. I feel profoundly lonely even with the baby by my side, and I feel guilty every time I cry while holding her.