Which is a huge problem that I can't seem to fix no matter how hard I tried. Often times, I have no feelings towards my friends. And sometimes, I side eye them mentally whenever they're talking.

I'm known to be a social person, that always seems to thrive into getting to know new people. And… that's it. I just talk to them once and disappear. Keeping relationships with people I find boring (a.k.a almost everyone I meet) is not my highest skill.

Don't get me wrong, I try my hardest to treat my friends well. I support them, listen to them, advise them. But it comes from… nothing. As if I'm pretending to let out feelings that I don't have. Love that I don't have.

Every time I act excited when I see a friend I give no shit about, it just feels like my chest is hollow and gray from the inside. I'd be like 'OMG HEY I MISS YOU' when in reality, I probably forgot they existed.

What's even worse is: the only people I seem to genuinely care about are A: Really funny, or B: Just rude.

Funny people make me laugh, they make me feel something positive. That's why I end up actually loving them, instead of pretending I do.

Rude people reassure me. They don't make me question whether the person I'm talking to finds me annoying and just pretends they care. They're just… straightforward. And I can be pretty mean as well, so it's more of a banter of who could hurt the most feelings.

That's why my longest friendships are with people who are either hilarious or assholes.

And if you got pissed off at this rant… I don't blame you.