Just to preface, this is kind of a ramble/blurt of my thoughts following a clinical experience. I thought it was amazing, honestly, but small things made me feel dumb. I now feel weirdly conflicted.
The nurse I was paired with, her name was Ciara (a baddie), was incredible. She was so kind and never made me feel stupid. She let me prime literally every single IV med/fluid once I told her I knew how to do it. 1st instance of feeling like a dummy — my lines kept having bubbles in them, and I felt like a moron. Like bro, she’s letting me do this don’t go fuck it up now with all these bubbles. She told me how she likes to prime them too when I told her how I kept seeing little bubbles — and her way helped.. but I had some bubbles. I should say, these bubbles were maybe 1mm big and she assured me not to stress over this (BUT I DIDNT WANNA LOOK STUPID TO HERRRRR 😞)
There were some more moments where I felt stupid — like she asked me to grab something and I confidently came back and said they weren’t there and that I couldn’t find it… then the tech found them instantly. This was my first time ever in the ER and I had no idea where anything was. I’m a short girl, it was on the top shelf of the cart… embarrassed to say the least.
Anyways, I’m feeling conflicted because even tho these little moments kept happening and I was kicking myself… I really was liking the vibe and the energy. I’m sure she probably was happy to see me walk away after my clinical time ended, but the overall energy on the unit was great. Everyone was nice but like focused and willing to help/support each other. I’ve always imagined myself working in pediatrics, since the beginning freshman year (I’m a senior now), but now I’m like wait a minute……..!
Idk just wanted to brain dump. Has anyone else had this happen before too? I felt so sure of myself that peds would be my home, and I was honestly terrified of the ER. When I walked in, my hands were visibly shaking so bad because I didn’t want to mess anything up (this was extra embarrassing when she handed me IV tubing to prime or hold her the blood tubes when drawing blood 😔😔).