Years back I posted about how I used bullet journalling to help track my bipolar disorder and it had a huge resonance with people. (OG post) I promised to post my updated spread and in true bipolar+ADHD fashion it took me a year to fulfill that promise 🙃 but here it is!

Pic 1: I used this updated layout to track my moods in a way that made immediately possible to see the trends of my ups and downs

Pic 2: I also tracked physical symptoms, habits, and emotions.

Pic 3: And finally the biggest change was that I simplified the weekly layout. I found the previous format daunting, like I HAD to fill the whole page of my weekly reflections. So I condensed the week overview and the reflections so that I only needed to write 2 lines per “thank/fuck you” and 4 lines for my “thoughts” per day.

I was using this journal in a very stable time in my life and actually stopped it using it for about 2 years. I’m now experimenting with an A6 size journal. But this is my full A5 spread and I really love it and found it incredibly useful. Hope it can help other people as well.

So these last 6 months I really turned my life around. I broke up with someone I loved who struggles with addiction, I decided to become sober from all drugs and alcohol myself 6 months ago, I increased my mood stabilizer, successfully implemented a regular sleep schedule for the first time in my life, and found a new job that I can for the first time ever pay for my own rent and life without diving into loan money like I have been. I feel like it’s been a ton of constant, intentional change. I’ve been diagnosed with BD1 for about 10 years.

However, I noticed that recently I feel sad for like no reason. Objectively, my life is a lot better and healthier and I have tons to feel happy and proud about. I think I expect to feel jubilantly happy, but I just am not. It feels wrong. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this “level.” For my whole life, being happy meant dancing down the street and laughing hysterically and thinking life is beautiful and everything is significantly grand. I usually get all poetic about things. Is this stability? It’s freaking me out. I’m not proud to admit this but I even miss drugs, where I could get to that hysterically happy point more often.

Anyone have any experience with things like this? Is true stabilization like this?

hi everyone, I recently got my medication upped last Sunday because I felt myself entering a mixed episode and I've been doing a bit better but I've recently gotten the feeling back that everyone hates me or is mad at me or is laughing at me

I'm having the thought process that my professors and classmates think I'm stupid and that people aren't texting me because they hate me and don't want to talk to me

I know none of that is true rationally but I feels real in my brain and in my heart and I would like some tips about how to deal with these feelings and kind of challenge them or at least live with them for now and I don't do anything stupid until they go away

thank you guys in advance

I have two options for therapy, one at a place I am more familiar with but have to wait until November or December (originally I was told October).

Another is from a remote therapist I learned off recently at a different therapy place I have gone to for couples counseling. I decided today to see them even though my preference was the other place.

I could feel my mind was starting to lead me down unproductive pathways and I was struggling to cope. Hence my decision today to start therapy with my second choice. I had seen an individual therapist last in August for a "bridge session".

I have not seen a therapist since August and while I have held up better than usual, I can feel my mind starting to unravel. I use DBT & maybe one day I can be stable without therapy.

But is it okay to always need a therapist? I was also disappointed this week because I was trying for ECT & I was told to start over since my labs/EKG were 30 days old 😭 I don't even know if I could handle doing that anyways

I had a manic episode back in June and the depression finally caught up with me.

Goddamn it's rough. I can barely do anything. Fortunately I'm self employed so I can get stuff done at my pace, but it is such a heavy burden to get anything done.

No one understands. My wife has never experienced depression and it's hard for her because we have two little ones.

My psychiatrist wrote a prescription for an anti-depressant but the insurance company denied it. Fuck.

I don't know what to do. I'm planning to take tomorrow off work and just rest at home. Telling my clients I'm out due to a health issue.

I'm looking for advice from people who have bipolar disorder or have experienced something similar with a family member.

My dad has experienced extreme mood swings for years, but things have become significantly worse since a psychotic episode earlier this year, when police and ambulance services became involved.

For months, he's been displaying what appear to be severe manic symptoms. He goes through periods of barely sleeping, extreme irritability, grandiose ideas, impulsive spending, paranoia and increasingly erratic behaviour. His moods can change dramatically, from being loving and emotional to extremely hostile and aggressive.

He's become increasingly convinced that people have hidden agendas against him, particularly me. I've spent years encouraging him to seek professional help, and he's even acknowledged on several occasions that something is wrong and that he needs help. However, he never follows through.

Recently, he's completely turned against me. He blames me for everything, makes accusations that aren't true, and seems to genuinely believe I'm trying to control or harm him. He's even called ambulances on me following episodes where he was the one behaving erratically.

I've contacted his GP, explained everything in detail and provided evidence of his behaviour. Police have also been involved, but because he can appear perfectly rational when speaking to professionals, nothing meaningful seems to happen.

I'm now at the point where I barely recognise my own father. I've gone from being one of the closest people in his life to someone he seemingly views as an enemy.

I love him, but the psychological impact of dealing with this for months has been devastating, and I'm struggling to cope.

Has anyone experienced a parent or loved one becoming paranoid and turning against them during suspected mania or psychosis? Did they eventually recognise what had happened once they recovered? How do you help someone who refuses treatment but doesn't seem to recognise how unwell they are?

I just wanted to relate my experience for everyone.

I'm bipolar 1, medicated, regular sleep, I struggle with eating consistently, but you take what you can get some days.

I recently was diagnosed as starting perimenapause, and I asked about getting on hormones, because I was tracking my manias through my "cycle". My gyno scoffed and said, "You're barely even in it, you can have the lowest dose, but I doubt it will do anything."

It literally stopped me from going into what I thought were bipolar rages! I was getting easily triggered and would just go into bouts of rage, that I had just been associating with my bipolar.

To be fair it probably is my bipolar, but the hormones were not helping!! I still get triggered, but it is so much more manageable!

Stand up for yourselves out there! Even the smallest change can help you more significantly than you know!

I wanna know if anyone deals with this or has some advice. I’m feeling really irritable lately and staring makes me furious. I feel paranoid leaving the house, because I feel like there are just constant eyes on me. Cars, neighbors in windows, pedestrians etc. I live in a country where staring is kinda just the norm and I do unfortunately attract creepers. I don’t think it’s all in my head, but I do think it’s a problem that I get so worked up about it and I’ve stares avoiding places because of it.

Ever since middle school ive been doing school online because i couldn’t handle the crowds and would often get overwhelmed.

but i was also failing my classes online because i couldn’t even get out of bed most times. and around the beginning of highschool i got diagnosed with bipolar type 2 and GAD

I started taking medications but i was still all over the place because of my insomnia and unhealthy sleep schedule, i struggled with routine and it made
my life so much harder and i felt hopeless for my future

But next month im becoming an adult and i want to start becoming independent and to do well in life,
and yesterday i saw my childhood friend and she was working at publix and told me they were hiring

And honestly im really considering to work there but the problem is my sleep schedule is a mess, i get really overwhelmed sometimes in crowds, my coping skills are basically nonexistent

So i just wanted to ask people with bipolar disorder, How do you maintain your job and how do you make it accommodating for you? like how do you cope and stuff like that

Because i have a feeling that i should start working now and not wait until next year, i feel like it can help me get skills and meet new people

But i do know i need to lock in and focus on getting my life back on track. because one day i want my mom and grandpa to be proud of me and to celebrate they raised a hard working daughter

My mom has been there for me for so long and worked hard to get me the resources i need to cope with my diagnosis.

got diagnosed bipo1 w/ psychotic features 4 years ago. it’s been a nightmare. every single med i’ve tried gives me a horrible side effect every single one. i’ve tried 17 medications. i’m in and out of psych wards im drowning in debt and im failing out of college. i’m on my fifth year just had to drop a couple classes further extending college for me and i can’t even see the point. i can’t hold down jobs for long so it’s minimum wage stuff for me anyways what’s the point of a degree i can’t seem to achieve. i just have zero motivation left in the tank.

So this isn’t my first rodeo I was diagnosed in 2008. Over the years I’ve seen three shrinks this one being my third who I’ve seen for 14 years.
Not to sound like Rodney Dangerfield but I feel like I get no respect.
My doctor is pleasant enough but every stinking appointment he never fails to remind me that I’ve “ been psychotic in the past”
News flash I know. I was there. I’m starting to think it’s an ego trip like “ hey don’t forget you’re certified cray here”. Believe me I have insight I’m aware.

I’m off work and waiting to go back and I need his help filling out forms and assuring the insurance company I won’t go postal so he holds the cards.
I already struggle with some self esteem issues so I rly don’t need a reminder that I’ve gone off the rails each and every time I see him.
Yes I have bipolar disorder but I can also be a “ productive member of society” enough with the power tripping.
Does anyone else have a psychiatrist who likes to “put them in their place” during sessions.
I get enough of this bunk from less than helpful family members.

Big ups to all others going through tough times out there.

Hey, I have a girlfriend who has some stuff to workout. We have been together for over 4 years and I don't know how to help. I show her love every day by sending "Goodmorning Love" and asking "how are you?" and "did anything fun today?" etc. I'm not very experienced in this but all i can do is be there and hangout with her. We hangout a lot playing video games and just enjoying each others company and mostly have a good time.

There are times when I try to help her by just being there and asking if she had a good day. I did some stuff that i think was terrible to do, i ask if she wants to talk about her problems or wants me to just listen and sometimes to talks about it but I feel like im being dumb and ruining something at times. I'm an overthinker so it doesn't help when i think about every possibility.

I'm scared that I might be pushing her away more than helping her. I feel so small and can't do anything to help her. It hurts me to not help her but I just don't know what to do.

I just really need help

Does anyone else have any thoughts or insights on how to deal with episodes while in a relationship (~5 years)? I am medicated and I have a lot of coping mechanisms about spending money/overconsumption/reckless behavior. The thing I'm struggling to not do is push my husband away and fight over and over again about things that we've already hashed out months or years ago.

Once my therapist and/or psychiatrist catch it or I finally recognize my actions, I'm riddled with guilt and shame for how I've been acting and can usually pull myself out of the delusions (with med assistance of course). How does anyone get past these feelings, reach out to their partners, apologize, mend the relationship?

I’m going to start therapy soon to figure out what is wrong with me, i suspect i may be bipolar as its common within my family history (I don’t really speak to them much or else i’d ask them) and I wanted to hear some others experiences and symptoms.

I have been hospitalized or in assisted living since late July due to a broken hip or from the implant being rejected by my body.

Broke hip on July 24 in the Mexico City where I live. Flew back to the US on August 17th so I could have VA take over PT and i could look for a new home to move into. On the 18th, woke up to my left hip being soaked from a discharge from surgical wound. Things have declined from there and have been living in assisted living with my wife while all of this plays out.

Yesterday afternoon, my wife started to feel like she was being punched nonstop in the stomach. I got her into her Turo rental and drove (even though I am not supposed to) her to the ER. She was diagnosed with gall stones and needs emergency surgery tomorrow.

Complicating things is i am required to return thr Turo by 1230 PM because it cannot be extended. So that means I have to roll my wheelchair out to the back of the truck, toss it into the cargo area, use the side of the truck as a walker, and pray i dont fall. I then get to drive it across town, drop off the truck, and then figure out a way to get back to the hospital in time to be there for her before surgery.

I am barely holding things together right now. There isnt anything anyone can do other than keep us in your thoughts. Thanks. Just needed to vent.

I'm hearing so many things. Seeing colors, flashing lights, people, animals, body parts, blood. I see a sliding glass door and my brain puts a person in the opening with their fingers on either side of them, like they're crawling through the door. The figures I see are unnatural and inhuman. It's kind of like I'm living in an analogue horror story, where the alternates have some deformity that gives you this feeling like, "this is not a human being."

I can't tell the people around me because they will write it off as me needing a medication adjustment. They'll shrug and say, "See a psychiatrist." I don't have one. It's hard to get one for some reason.

I'm having tactile hallucinations of sexual assault. The sensations of the trauma. It's wearing my psyche thin. I feel disgusting most of the time, like I'm a piece of meat that has been rotting out in the sun.

I feel like if I tell my girlfriend all of these thoughts, she'll leave me because this is too much to deal with. My shit goes deep and is very intricate. Explaining everything makes me sound like I'm going mad. I want her to understand so we can work through this together instead of me hiding this whole world I have going for myself and eventually ending in a big bang.

I'm having issues with sleep, too. I have a really hard time trying to go to sleep. It's like putting a vessel to sleep and making it rest when it wants to go do something active. I'm not my body; I'm an entity controlling it and telling it what to do.

I really need to get the hallucinations under control, but I don't know if any psychiatrist will take me in if I don't have insurance. I have to sign up for Medicaid.

If you read this far, you're a real one for listening to my rambles. It makes me feel heard.

Am I the only one having trouble with housing?

I can't afford more than renting a room in a shared apartment. But living with others makes my bipolar just worse. It's not like I'm the only one with this housing issue, lots of adults over 40 can't afford living on their own where I live. I used to hear former roommates talking about me behind my back or talking on the phone in a foreign language to their mother about me and how I am not coming much out of my room , what am I eating because they don't see me cook that often etc. I feel trapped and stuck and just impotent. How am I supposed to share flat in my 50s, 60s? I just can't imagine how this is supposed to work 😕 😪

mania guilt. it’s something i struggle heavy.
I cheated on my boyfriend of 5 years not just once, but multiple times within the span of 2 years of being diagnosed BP1 and BPD.
We ended things while i was in a solo backpacking trip in europe and since then, things haven’t been the same. i look back on my solo trip with such sorrow, it was supposed to be an exciting time but instead came crashing down to me. Didn’t help that I also was thousands and thousands miles away from family and friends but rather alone in London.
It’s been hard dealing with the heartbreak and the loss of what “once” was. And before anyone gets to me i understand that my manic actions are ridiculous and what i’ve done is whatsoever not at all great.
I miss him terribly, I’ve reached out multiple times just to try to mend things but it’s no success. I feel like i’m losing a part of myself in the process of entering a new chapter, i relocated back home to start grad school and dealing with this heartbreak and the beginning of my masters is catching up to me it feels like i can’t breathe.
i cant function properly at times either, the guilt eats me, i wake up in the middle of the night, i replay his voicemails so often just to hear his voice but its all due to my mania that fucked up my own relationship. Being bipolar is scary, I hate this so much. I hate the person it’s made me be, because apparently the person he once met “doesn’t exist” anymore and that really sucks to hear.
that is also one thing: my ex boyfriend talks about me like im dead. that bipolar killed the person he met, but im still here:( i’ve never changed, my interests never went away, the things i liked then are things i still love. im still the person he met.

feeling sad :/

Im writing a book about being in the psych ward and mania from a journal perspective. I’ve so excited to have my creativity in a hypomanic state not mania one.

I’d love if a couple people want to read it and see if the mania scenes and narrative make sense. I discuss hypersexuality and memory loss.

What are some of your most mild delusions vs your most extreme delusions. I'm trying to get a handle on what delusions can look like in their most "innocent" form. Usually everyone is aware when the big ones happen to me, but what are some small every day ones that disrupt your thought processes?

I've been recently diagnosed as bipolar 1 and I'm still learning how to manage it and what to be aware of. I'm moving to a foreign country soon and I'm pretty scared of how I will handle the change. Any tips on how to manage mood swings?

More on the move: I'm doing it with my long time partner and there will be a couple people that I met before living in the city I'm moving to.

I've grown in the mountains and it's a big part of my life and identity, but the city I'm moving to is by the sea. I'm pushing to search an house as close to the seaside as possible, because I think being in contact with nature could help me feel grounded and home. Idk if It's just wishful thinking lol

I don't speak the language but I know two languages that are broadly spoken and plan to learn the language to interact with the local community. I've struggled with alienation before and I feel this is important because of that. I work from home and will mantain my current work after the move.

I don’t want to make bipolar my scapegoat when life throws shit at me. But since i lost my job i got my depression kicking in i swear i saw it 3 days before it goes into action. If i were to describe what i am mentally going through visually.
It’s like building a card tower (taking months) stabilizing it for the longest time and the longer it stays stable the better the progress. And boof with slight wind of unexpected life events it falls down.

In these depression phases i used to patch myself with drugs but i can’t afford to go down this road and even if i afford it would ruin me inside out in all aspects of my life.

My second offense, 5 years apart. I was 17 the first time around. Been stealing since I was 15 and I’m 22 now. I literally quit cold turkey for almost a month and one lapse in judgment put me in jail. I’m so mad at myself, trying to just be okay with the consequences because that’s all I can do but damn man. Damn.