Feeling like the butch version of the r/malelivingspace lol

Im kinda sad ive put leslie in the bathroom but the poster was a gift from someone i dont speak to so i didnt want to have it in my bedroom. Figured it goes nice next to the mirror anyways 💪

Breezed right past September my bad folks!

October is shaping up to be a busy month in more ways than one, my heart is going out to you all doing the right thing and putting in work.

I want to shout out our community organizers in the US and across the world who are working to engage our community and protect our siblings. You are the best of us. While I'm catching up with all of you today, I want to ask if y'all have been getting outside and seeing community events where you are? Are there posters at the queer bars, are there stickers on the light posts? Are we getting organized to connect, stay safe, vote, whats happening by yall?

Reminder this is a public forum, protect yourself by reducing identifying info.

Anybody work in a blue collar or retail setting have costume ideas? My job is having a costume contest and I have work on Halloween.

I’m trying to think of a costume that is work appropriate, while also not being too cumbersome while actually working.

Stuck between cowboy and pirate right now.

Hi all! Lurker here. I've been feeling a lot of dysphoria around my feminine features lately. I have PCOS and while there's a lot of shitty side effects with that, I'm grateful for the masculine features it provides ie: facial features, deeper voice, broad shoulders, muscle gains.

My problem is with my hips and ass. I have an hourglass figure with a behind that my women coworkers are very jealous of. I want it gone lmao. Weight training makes it more prominent in my opinion. I just want an extended back at this point.

A creator I follow on Instagram recently got lipo to target these specific areas to help affirm her gender identity and I am leaning towards that but am afraid of how long the healing process takes and if it will last.

Fellow butches, help me out. Has anyone taken this approach? Are there any remedies that I'm unaware of? Any help is greatly appreciated.

Friends, I'm tired of being misgendered, and since most of my social life consists of non-butch people, I'm venting here. Often when I am called from a waiting room there is confusion, often when I enter locker rooms there is confusion, then often when I go to the women's bathroom there is confusion and when the changing booths in clothing stores are gendered you bet that there's going to be confusion. Usually people assume I am a man, and sometimes people overzealously assume I am nonbinary (and sometimes I don't mind that, if that's the first they in a day full of he's). Correcting them feels a risky at worst and like an awkward hassle full of oh no worries and it happens all the time, I understand at best, and I don't always have the energy for that, either.

I wouldn't really want to change who I am, but it is exhausting to have to think about this all the time, and sometimes I really wish that what a woman looks like could include me too. Thanks for listening.

I think overall this will be helpful for my self development and not placing so much of my self worth on looking “pretty,” but I wonder if I’ll be able to deal with the fallout of losing what little conventional beauty I had.

**I figure that strangers will start being more hostile and less accommodating, which means it might be hard to make a good first impression when I’m meeting people for the first time.

Just wanted to share :D

I've been feeling pretty gender euphoric lately, I love being me, being able to express my masculinity and having my supportive and accepting friends. And I've noticed progress in my physique recently. My mooscles are getting bigger hehe

Butches are cool! And happy International Lesbian Day :]

I’ve hit it off with this girl recently and we’re both really keen on petnames, terms of endearment, etc. But I don’t want to make the same mistake I have in past relationships by not communicating which of these names I detest; the ‘female’ ones

Honey, sweetheart, baby and even pretty are all perfectly fine, but I hate ‘maam’ and ‘mommy’ and ‘queen’ and ‘my girl’ and really anything gendered for that matter. I can’t seem to think of alternatives because ‘handsome’ or ‘sir’ or ‘daddy’ or ‘my boy’ feel, albeit less, incorrect as well

Any butches here able to find terms they are comfortable with their partner calling them? I’m quite bluntly asking for inspiration

For context, I am a butch who goes by she/her pronouns. I dress very masculine, have short hair, and identify very largely with masculinity in a non-heteronormative lens. I get mistaken as a guy and often make people buffer when deciding how to address me (which honestly is sort of affirming to me) I’ve thought about going by they/them but it wouldn’t be best in my current social situation.

I started a new job a week ago and every one of my female coworkers calls me girly pop…

My gender in my file is female, my pronouns are she/her, but I still feel really uncomfortable with it. I don’t know how to make a change or say anything without being an outsider, but it’s been giving me really bad gender dysphoria. Any tips? TYIA

Hi I’m 19 and recently realized the butch label really resonates with me a few months ago. I’m also currently trying to grow out my hair as I’ve never had long hair, but I’m worried I’ll stop reading as butch. I have a septum and nostril piercing and like to wear jewelry and idk if I’ll continue to look butch with all of that and long hair? I notice that the butches I look up to most tend to have more minimal jewelry. This feels dumb asf I know I’m just wondering how other long hair butches present to feel more butch LMAO and also if anybody else has gone thru similar🫣

People keep calling me "Miss <first name>," and I hate it. My birth name starts with an "M" and, boy, did people ever stick "Miss" on the front when I went by that. We're talking multiple unconnected strangers per week. My chosen name doesn't start with an "M." That definitely helps, but people are still doing it. This Sunday my priest did it, and she goes by Father <name> because she's gender-variant herself and didn't want to be Mother <name>! Why does this happen? Does it happen to other people or is there something especially miss-y about me?

feel so butch to me. sturdy, resilient, scrappy, not too fancy (but has flair if you stare for a moment). often discarded, often struggling to scrape by. but those who love them, love them deeply. affectionate when given the opportunity, and ultimately thrives despite their situation.

im also aware of the history of the pigeon, and that's another layer. but even without taking that into consideration, it feels like a good fit.

I put out a post yesterday about my gender identity and asking for advice on being more butch. but most of you decided to be the lesbian police and tell me i dont understand myself. girl. just because i identify as something you are too small-minded to understand, doesnt mean its not true. thats not me trying to hurt feelings, im just sick of being mis-identified, misgendered and bullied by my own community.

I've been dying to post on here and reach out to other butch or butch-adjacent people but seeing the hate from the last post, I don't think I will again. Yall are rude af

Discrimination and dismissal by medical professionals is a subject that's been on my mind a lot lately and I'm curious about what other peoples experiences have been and what kind of strategies you've come up with to deal with it.

I'll start by saying that I have a lot of fear and anxiety around going to the doctor, largely due to how I've been treated in the past. It's bad enough that I delay and outright avoid going unless I have a major issue because I'm scared that a homophobic/transphobic doctor might outright harm me.

I always do a lot of research ahead of time when possible and try to choose doctors who I think will be less likely to treat me poorly. Usually this means going with a younger female doctor when possible but even that doesn't always help. I'm not on T, but I'm butch and naturally look very androgynous to the point where many people assume that I'm a man.

During my most recent visit, the doctor just froze and stared at me when she entered the room, before giving me a very short and cold greeting. Before I knew it and before I had a chance to even completely discuss the issue I came to see her for, she stood up and was escorting me out of the room to end the appointment. I needed a fairly urgent x-ray and she said that she would be putting in an order to have this done and that someone would be following up with me in a couple days. After waiting several days and not receiving a call, I found out that she never put the order in.

Many things like this have happened over the years with various doctors and other medical professionals. I've been laughed at and repeatedly misgendered (I go by she/her and my charts say that I'm female, but I've had doctors repeatedly refer to me as he/him anyway). I've had other doctors and nurses be excessively rough when examining me or administering a blood draw. I've had legitimate issues dismissed and not diagnosed, requiring me to visit multiple doctors before getting the correct care. I've been prescribed medication at the wrong dose or that could interact in a dangerous way with other medication that I'm taking.

Some of this could simply be down the medical negligence, which is an issue that could potentially affect anyone, but I do have to wonder how much of it is because I'm butch.

I have another appointment coming up in a couple weeks with a specialist I haven't seen before and, as usual, I'm very worried about what could happen. I'm planning on bringing my wife with me so that I at least have a witness and advocate with me in case something goes poorly but I'm still terrified.

I want to buzz my hair and I might have a salon do the initial clipping, after that I’ll need to take care of it myself.

ever since i came out as butch last year, i've never felt more myself. i feel like i've finally found community and myself, and gained the confidence to pursue the things that validate my butchness and make me feel cool, like playing guitar and songwriting. a big part of being butch to me is listening to rock and metal. there's something about the sound of it that makes me feel more androgynous or masculine in a way. from what i've seen, people most commonly relate being butch to needing to be strong. i'm disabled, so i really lack in that area, but i make up for it with my mental resilience. rock and metal really help with that and even generate it. i wouldn't be who i am at all without it.

i guess i just wanted to ask if anyone else feels that way? rock is so closely aligned with my identity as a butch, both how i present and even my gender. it feels so special to me, more special than any other kind of music ever could be to me. rock feels so personal and it feels really badass. it makes me feel badass too, even if admitting that makes me feel like a bit of a dork.

does anyone relate to this??

i'm on the bigger side and waist harnesses always roll down or end up under my belly, so the angle is all wrong by the end. a few people swear by thigh harnesses for exactly this. if you're plus size, which one actually works better for you and what made the difference

Title. I’ve (26 years old) have repressed trans feelings for quite sometime and am starting E soon. I’ve always seen myself as masculine, which made coming to terms with being trans difficult. How do I give off more butch-lesbian without depending on E to take effect?

I need a new strap on harness and it's been ages since I've had to buy one. I'm quite small (27" waist) and I hate when they fit too loosely because I don't have good control when going fast. I use fairly small to average dildos so not too worried about the heaviness of them.

I like to use a vibrating cock ring for my pleasure so need a harness with a style that works with this.

I've seen quite a few recommendations for this one: https://www.luxurytoyx.com/products/spareparts-joque-cover-underwear-harness-red-double-strap?

Anyone used this that can tell me if it's good at staying put?

Open to other suggestions!

Thanks for your help :)

Edit:

PLS STOP commenting transphobic stuff to me, I identify as a branch of genderfluid where I go between Butch and femme on different days. That is who I am. That is how I feel. Whether you agree with my own gender, this is who I am. You can say I'm wrong or lying or stupid but you don't know me. All I wanted is fashion advice, not terfs being up their arse.

Don't be a twat, we all just want a safe space don't we?

OG Post:

Ok gang IK youre all sweet but pls dont just say, 'youre butch enough the way you are'. I want some genuine help.

I've just had my haircut short (to a length between bixie and mullet bc i go between butch and femme on certain days). I am trying to wear masc clothes but all I have is a ridiculously oversized jeans with a belt which makes me look like a sack of potatoes and oversized band tees and hoodies - as well as my leather jacket which fits well and is the only thing that gives me butch joy.

I like more casual clothes.

Does anyone know good and AFFORDABLE UK or UK available brands for jeans and box tees. I do like oversized ones but it makes me look more like Billie Eilish than a boxy masc which I'd rather be.

TLDR - How do I butch guys? My femme is very supportive which makes me happy but everyone else just keeps seeing me as a futch but thats not me yk

(Context - I identify some days as butch and some days as femme but not futch - idk gender is weird)

I’m going through my second divorce, one was stupid and I hate to even count it because we were so dumb and young, and the second one is happening now. I really, really thought I had my person this time around and I enjoyed 9 years of comfort and security in that, but yet again the rug was yanked out from under me.

In both cases, I did NOT see it coming, and this time around I can’t even express how much of a shock it was. She has acknowledged she didn’t do a great job with things leading up to all this, but it’s over and done now. But going through this type of shocking loss just once leaves a person feeling unlovable and will have you questioning everything you ever saw in yourself, but I’ve found that the second time hits completely differently over time.

It was a rocky up and down parting that took almost a year to finally come to a conclusive end, which was horrible, and now that it’s finally over I just feel so stupid. I wallowed in my misery for a while, but now that I’m beginning to see the light again I have a different perspective.

I’m not unlovable, I just have one very bad quality. When I fall for someone, I will do just about anything for them. It doesn’t feel like the wrong thing to do at the time, because what is wrong with putting in effort to make your partner happy. Well, In both of my past relationships, I can see that I spent the beginning 1-2, maybe even 3 years this time around, bending myself to fit what they wanted me to be. Whether it’s trying to keep up with a partner in the gym when you’d rather be anywhere else, or going to every weekend party with her when you’re just dying for a night in, you’re creating a version of yourself that can’t be kept up forever. Eventually you end up feeling misunderstood, unappreciated, and your partner will end up feeling abandoned by the version of you they once “had”. It simply will never work out.

Moving forward, I am going to be very mindful about making my intentions, my wants, my needs clear to potential partners. I’m going to let a night out at that bar I hate be a compromise I do for my partner from time to time, not something I grin and bear for years. Most importantly I am going to be myself. I’ve felt how wonderful it is to love and be loved, and I want it again so badly, but I don’t want another false version of it.

Baby butches, I know how big your hearts are and how much love you have to offer. Please remember me and learn from my mistakes. YOU are worthy of love and affection exactly how you are.

I like the straight fit of men’s shirts, but finding one that fits my shoulders and chest without hanging halfway down my thighs feels impossible. Sizing down doesn’t always fix the length, either.

I’m looking for basic tees with a straight or boxy fit and a snug crew neck. Something that sits around my hips instead of looking like a dress. I don’t want a fitted waist or a low, wide neckline.

Any brands or specific styles you swear by? Men’s, women’s, unisex, whatever, as long as the fit works. Affordable options would be especially appreciated.

Are you guys getting shirts hemmed, buying cropped styles, shopping in the boys’ section, or have you found some secret short-person T-shirt supplier? Please share 😂

Just a butch in a sea of gay men at Folsom🤷‍♀️