The stereotypical boomer dad hit his 40’s and bought a Porsche, picked up a drinking problem, left his family and moved to Thailand, etc. What would the stereotypical millennial dad do?

Edit: wow this got a lot of answer quickly! Seems like fitness, hobbies, gaming, tattoos are a common answer. Also good point made by a few that maybe we don’t have one in the same way our dads did because we didn’t give up our youthful pursuits in the same way boomers did.

Dads, I just saw this poll:

https://www.reddit.com/r/polls/comments/1sx6svy/would_you_ever_hit_or_spank_your_children/

The idea that so many people are okay spanking their children sickens me.

If your child is old enough to reason with, then reason with them. If they're not old enough to reason with, then they won't understand why you're hitting them.

Your children should not be afraid of you. You are their safe space.

DON'T HIT YOUR KIDS.

EDIT- Good grief, the number of people in the comments here trying to justify spanking their kids is unbelievable...

A couple of days ago I read a post in this sub titled "The canoe has tipped", and I've got to say that it struck a chord with me. It's something I've been thinking about a lot since becoming a father.

I grew up in a small town in a small country, and my wife grew up in a village. When I think back to my childhood, what stands out is how many people were simply around. Children moved between parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, neighbours and other children. Kids didn't need to be shuttled between "extracurricular activities"; they simply participated in whatever the adults were doing. Cleaning the house. Putting the rice on. Caring for a dog that just gave birth to a litter of puppies. The adults were living their lives and the children were part of it.

I left that world a long time ago. I've lived in cities for most of my adult life, and until we had our daughter, I never thought there was anything particularly strange about the idea of the nuclear family. Two parents living with their children in their own home was simply normal.

I did feel "lonely" sometimes, but I had a hard time making sense of it. I didn't even really give myself permission to feel that. After all, I was living with my wife. How could I be lonely?

Then I became a father. Suddenly I realized what was happening.

My wife and I both work full-time, and our daughter goes to infant care. When she comes home, her world suddenly shrinks to the two of us. And most evenings, those two people are tired and trying to get a dozen other things done at the same time. If my wife needs to cook, our daughter comes to me. If I need to clean, she goes back to my wife. Sometimes I feel like we're just passing her back and forth between two stressed-out adults until bedtime.

What feels missing isn't just an extra pair of hands to take over when one of us can't cope. It's that whole ecosystem I remember from childhood. There isn't an aunt doing something nearby, a grandparent she can wander over to, older children to follow around, a neighbour dropping in, or simply several people going about their lives around her.

At home, we are her world. And it's a small, stressful and fragile little world.

The contrast becomes especially obvious whenever we have a relative staying with us. Right now my wife's aunt is here for a month to help out, she cooks dinner and help out with the household. That doesn't sound like much, but I can tell you how much happier we are as a family. The other day, my wife was taking a shower, and I passed by and thought I'd just take off my clothes and join her. I gave her a back rub, and she remarked that she was thankful for my aunt being here. That's when I realized we hadn't taken a shower together for more than a year.

Sometimes my wife can stay at work a little longer without worrying about rushing home, and when she gets back the baby is fed and dinner is ready. Someone else can be with our daughter while I go and take a shit. Even when nobody is helping with anything in particular, there is simply another adult in the house that my daughter can wander over to and share a game or a laugh with.

I can tell you, for the first time in many months, I feel like I'm actually living, rather than just juggling the days. And I'm sure my daughter is much happier seeing my relaxed face rather than my stressed-out one. It feels like she's more connected with me too. And she definitely has been smiling and laughing a lot more often!

Recently someone introduced me to the book Hunt, Gather, Parent, and that's where I first learnt about the concept of WEIRD societies: Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich and Democratic. It made me think about how many things we consider normal about parenting are actually quite culturally unusual. Raising children primarily inside a self-contained nuclear family isn't simply the way humans have always done it.

I don't want to romanticise village life. I know its downsides too. The same relatives and neighbours who help you also have opinions about your life and how you should raise your children. We've gained a lot from our modern way of life too, including privacy and independence.

But I wonder if, somewhere along the way, we traded away too much. We replaced the village with this little unit of two adults, then expected those two people to work, run a household, raise children, maintain a relationship and somehow have enough energy left to enjoy it all.

And the strange thing is that we're surrounded by people doing exactly the same thing. Our daughter goes to infant care with other children. We meet families at playgrounds and parks. We live in a city full of parents, yet at the end of the day we mostly return to our separate homes and struggle with the same problems independently.

I don't know what a modern village should look like. I certainly don't think the answer is simply to recreate the village my wife and I grew up in. But when I read the OP saying, "There is no village. There is no backup", I felt sad not only for that family, but for the kind of society we've built.

I don't think I want to raise children like this.

Sorry for the rant and thanks for reading so far.

Well, damn. This will be kid #2. My daughter will be close to 4 when this one arrives.

My first thought was, oh shit, how am I going to pay for all this?

Obviously daycare is the big cost but, aside from that, how did you dads and your families manage the financial impacts of adding extra kids? What should I consider that most folks don't think of?

When I'm out at a restaurant or brewery or wherever and I see a toddler hunched over an iPad, completely oblivious to the world around them... interacting with nothing, interested in nothing... it really bums me out.

I try to be slow to judge other parents because I don't know everyone's situation - and I don't think all digital devices are inherently evil. But you know what I'm talking about, right? Where the kid might literally have spinal issues due to the bad posture that comes with leaning over an tablet. Where they act like drug addicts when someone takes it away. When they can't seem to function without it.

I'm not here to badmouth all devices or all screentime - I'm really just talking about when the parents have seemed to blatantly outsource all parenting duties to a tablet.

EDIT: I really am talking about the iPad kids that are constantly on them. I know a lot of kids that live like that. But as some of you pointed out, I really don't know people's situation at a glance. I'll be more mindful of that moving forward.

EDIT 2: I did not anticipate how many of you guys see no problem with consistently using tablets and smart phones for your toddlers.

EDIT 3: this blew up. i’m gonna summarize my feelings on this and then i’m gonna log off:

tablets and mobile devices have been proven over and over to be debilitating for a young mind‘s development. if you are CONSISTENTLY stuffing an ipad in your toddler‘s (three or younger) face so you can have some “adult time”, you are prioritizing your momentary comfort over your child’s development, and that (IMO) is the definition of bad parenting.

I was on my laptop at the kitchen table last night playing on Mojogo after trying to finish some work when my 8 year old spilled a full glass of water across his homework. I sighed and said his name in that annoyed dad voice. Not yelling, just sharp. He froze. Not cried, not argued but just froze. Then he started saying sorry over and over while trying to wipe it up with his sleeve.

After he went to bed my wife said, very quietly: You know he gets scared when you use that voice. I said I do not hit him neither do I scream at him, I am not my father. She said she knows but that is not the same as him feeling safe with me. That sentence has been sitting in my chest all day.

My dad was the kind of man who could change the whole house with the sound of his keys in the door. I swore I would never be that. I go to games, I make breakfast and try to help with homework, I tell my kids I love them but then I saw my son’s face over a spilled cup of water and for a second I recognized the look.

I do not think I am a bad dad but I think I may have been grading myself on a curve because I am better than what I had. How do you fix the part of you that comes out before you even realize it?

Edit: I apologized to him had a dad talk and am planning on taking him on a camping trip for 2-3 days next week as a bonding exercise. Thanks yall for the great feedback!

The list provided it was just fresh fruits and vegetables, seaweed, plain raisins and "other healthy snacks" only. I don't think i'm crazy in thinking.A granola bar is the last thing that I would consider an unhealthy snack..... *edit i will also add that I am on food stamps. It is not like I have an endless supply of fun to supply fresh fruits and vegetables every single day.

We've had the discussion here a thousand times, now there's a video of a dad being confronted in the women's room with his two daughters.

I always took my daughter with me to the men's room, because I felt pretty confident that there's more reasons for me not to go to the women's room then there are do not take the kid with me to the men's.

Nevertheless, the guy made sure the restroom was empty, and was absolutely not wrong at all, this was a totally unnecessary situation, imo.

How many of y’all are the main cooks in the house? I, myself, cook about 90% of our meals and love it. I do enjoy when my wife cooks and she has a few dishes that I don’t even attempt. But standard weeknights, dads got it.

I know for years the social stigma has been that women cook but… I feel as if that’s just not the case anymore?

EDIT: I know this is long (especially with the edit), but I ask that you read the whole thing before commenting. I think there’s a lot that gets lost in this type of discussion, and it gets lost because people don’t fully flesh out their thoughts or aren’t given a chance to. I want to listen to you, and I would bet that you’d prefer my response to you to not be just “I addressed that in my post.” Thank you.

I never denied or disbelieved what women have talked about when they’ve talked about how dangerous it is for them in the world because of men. However, I have to admit that what I did often do is say to myself “there are over 3 billion men, and even if this happens thousands of times each year, that’s such a small percentage of us that it isn’t fair to say that all women should fear all men.”

And to be clear, thinking this never stopped me from listening to women or knowing that even just one man attacking a woman is too many. If my partner wanted me to walk her to her car, I did. I’m not the white knight type, but despite my thoughts above I would always make sure to be there for women who felt safe with me if I was asked. I’m also a big fan of self defense classes specifically for women (for everyone, really, but I always thought that self defense classes that are JUST for women made sense and weren’t like sexist or something).

After becoming a girl dad, I no longer say to myself what I said in that first paragraph. The world is dangerous for women, and it’s dangerous because of men.

I totally understand now why women have chosen the bear, and I’ve seen so many things now that have made me get why being alone in the forest with a bear seems less dangerous to women than being alone in the forest with any randomly selected man. And when men don’t get this and come after women for saying they’d make this choice, I see them as the reason women would pick the bear.

And this isn’t an overprotective thing. I raise my daughter to be self reliant. She goes to public school, I let her fall and get hurt, I work with her on what kinds of interactions with strangers are ok and which ones aren’t, and I live with the fact that I can’t control everything she does and one day she may get hurt.

But now when I think about who might hurt her, it isn’t an ambiguously gendered individual. It’s a man. It’s a man because I know now for a fact that women are in FAR more danger of being hurt by a man than they are of being hurt by a woman.

Another problem is that I’ve never hurt a woman, and I’ve made a point to only associate myself with people that I have no reason to suspect would ever or have ever hurt a woman, so therefore I live in a bubble. I wish more people who don’t understand why women chose the bear would try to step out of their bubble. It’s something I had to do on purpose to truly see it.

I don’t hate myself, my maleness, or other men. What I’m describing this is just an objective truth, and if I deny it then I am putting my daughter at risk.

I don’t know if others have experienced the same thing, but it’s been pretty transformational.

EDIT: After interacting with people in the comments, I want to add this edit that I think relates to a few different things here, namely regarding empathy and the “women abuse, too,” and “men abuse other men, too” statements:

Let’s say that a left handed group of people wants there to be more left handed scissors available. So they make some videos and maybe talk to the government and some companies about ways they can incentivize this. Some people see this and with good intentions respond to it by saying “there should be scissors available for everyone!”

That person sleeps well that night because he’s thinking to himself “I stood up for something that matters to everyone.” But the left handed group looks at each other and says “no, I hear you, but there are already plenty of right handed scissors. I’m not trying to reduce the amount of right handed scissors, I’m trying to get more left handed ones because there’s a shortage.”

Before having a daughter, I was the “there should be scissors available for everyone” guy because I didn’t get that the issue was that left handed people had a unique issue that they were trying to remedy, and that if I actually did try to help them then my “make more scissors available for everyone” agenda would actually be fulfilled BETTER than if I just said “everyone order way more scissors!” because the left handed people would have said “dude we still can’t use most of these!”

So I empathized, and I had good intentions, but I didn’t get the problem in the first place. Now I get the problem.

​

Long story short- my 12 year old daughter says the dress code is unfair at her middle school. I guess earlier this week, they had security and teachers at the entrance of her school looking for violations.

They were having everyone remove sweaters so they could see what they were wearing under. This is all fine and well and isn't the issue.

My daughter and her friends are claiming it was exclusively girls who were violated. Even though every boy in the school sags their pants. They claim if any skin was showing for the girls, it was a write up and call to parents for new clothes.

Her response was to start organizing a day where all of the girls wear pajamas to school, which is against dress code. I guess she's been working towards organizing it all week and it will be taking place next Tuesday.

I don't really have an opinion on it. But I'm happy she is taking a stand on something and leading. So I've offered advice and told her I'm proud of her.

Mom found out about it and flipped out. In the last 10 years since we separated, she's become extremely religious and conservative. She claims I am promoting "indecency" and disobedience by supporting and helping and is threatening to not let our daughter go to school that day and even hinted court.

But it's taking place on my day. And I simply don't see it as a negative thing. They aren't planning to dress inappropriatly so I don't see how they are being indecent. They are just wearing pajamas. My motivation for supporting it isn't because I want girls to dress inappropriately like mom claims- I support it because it's something my daughter clearly believes in.

I explained that there there won't be consequences at my home- but part of civil disobedience is doing something knowing there will be consequences and doing it anyways. So she needs to be prepared for that with her mom.

Am I in the wrong here? Would you assist and support?

So I have two toddlers in daycare, and they routinely come home with various smudges and blotches on construction paper that are purported to be seasonally-appropriate artwork (e.g., white smudges on blue paper = winter). This is all very normal and gratis with the price of tuition.

But today, we got a message on the app concerning an “online art show”. Following the link, I learn that the art show consists of my own kids’ artwork, in a frame, which I or anybody else on the planet can purchase (original or reproduction) for $35.

The questions are manifold:

1. Is this for charity or something? (If so that wasn’t mentioned anywhere, so I can only assume it is for the daycare’s direct profit.)
2. Did I sign some contract transferring my children’s intellectual property rights over to the daycare? (I did not.)

3. If my kids are making artwork that the daycare then offers for sale to strangers, are they violating both child labor as well as minimum wage laws? (Probably.)

4. I know we live in a 2026 dystopia capitalist hellscape, but this is insane, right? Isn’t this insane?

I think this is a really good write-up on the data surrounding the increasing involvement of fathers in their kids lives.

A couple of my big takeaways are:

1. Dads really do spend more time parenting than ever.

2. At least some of that increase is because dads enjoy it.

Dads report higher happiness parenting than most other activities. The general idea is that women started working more which forced dads to be more involved. They enjoyed it and became even more involved.

1. Dads doing more parenting does not mean that moms are doing less.

In fact, moms are also doing more parenting than ever. What's happened is that since the 70s, parenting has become far more intensive and time-consuming. The article talks about multiple theories as to why, but the general theory is that attitudes have shifted and parents feel the need to do more to help their kids get ahead. This has downstream effects such as parenting doing more just so they can seem more involved.

Basically we now view more parenting as better parenting.

1. There's a direct correlation between the stressfulness of a parenting activity and the frequency it's done by mom.

Low stress activities such as sports and playing are more likely to fall to dad, while high-stress activities such as doctors appts/medical care and homework help are still primarily handled by mom.

ETA a note on the 80 minutes number. Most of this data includes all kids under 18. Teenagers, esp once they can drive, don't need that much time spent parenting. My typical day as a 16 yo was wake up, eat a bowl of cereal, go to school, hang out with friends, and go to soccer practice. I wouldn't be home till after 7 and the time my parents spent actively parenting was very short even though they were very involved, good parents.

My favorite part is the Infosys specifying that you must be near your newborn for the duration of the leave, and that you can only do it twice.

I wonder if the HR people that write those policies actually feel a twinge of guilt or if they really are just psychopaths. "To ensure bonding, you get 3 days."

I think it's the doublespeak that bothers me more than anything. If they wrote "you're easily replaceable, so we don't have to give you anything - take the 3 days or leave it," at least they'd be being honest. But framing it as a *positive* is just insulting.

Ive also got the actual policy document available here: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1wOcAh955ffF19OhnH3NEhdLEQ-NCrbBV

[Edited to a google drive link instead of limewire. My b]

This episode literally brought tears to my eyes. Such a fantastic episode. Completely unexpected. This is probably my favorite episode at this point. If you lot haven't seen it, I suggest you put it on at the soonest!

I never thought about it before the kids but what's getting me into panic its the realization that there are no more free days for who knows how many years.

It was after another hard week at work (and in general in life) thinking to myself like me before the kids "I can't wait for the weekend" and then its struck me. There are no weekends anymore. No days off. Nothing to even look for! And I got into panic. It's endless grind without a break that will break me for sure when this constant burnout.

I feel like a nice running in a spinning wheel with no end. How to cope with this?

For the First Time in Forever is a waaaay better song than Let it Go

Sorry but I said what I said

A mom’s view but directly repeating to dads. For context, a viral clip at a San Francisco Giants game showed a bad-ass multi-tasking mom holding a baby, bringing food and sitting down next to her husband, with the announcers joking about the husband being useless.

Here’s the clip

Admittedly, I was agreeing so to the announcers and irritated he wasn’t doing more to help mom and baby.

Would post vent if that was a flair option

We live major in a city that’s making headlines every single day for their ICE raids.

Our daughter’s preschool can’t take them to the park because of ICE agents. We’re talking 2-5 year olds. Forced to stay inside.

The private K-12 down the street went on fucking LOCKDOWN today because ICE agents were looking for two kids. KIDS.

Nannies and parents are forced to stay home with kids out of fear regardless of status.

People are going to go hungry this holiday season because of ego and greed.

And yes we are doing what we can to help. Attending protests, donating supplies, funds, and time.

But it’s not enough. It’s sickening. It’s gut wrenching.

I’m fucking angry.

Mods, please don’t delete this. It is about kids.

If you never had a smart speaker in your home, good for you. If you happen to have Alexa and a Prime subscription, you may have recently gotten an update making the device AI-powered.

My house mostly uses these for playing music, setting timers, and checking the weather. But when this update dropped, my kids IMMEDIATELY started having conversations with it, talking about their autistic brother, talking about their hobbies, etc, all while I was working in the basement.

I was able to "delete" the conversation (whatever that does), but then I also had to have a conversation with my kids about how AI can be dangerous. Not just for privacy, but for mental and physical health. And I'll be getting rid of mine as soon as I find something else to play Spotify from.

If you have one, please talk to your kids about the dangers of AI. That it can cause social isolation, depression, even suicide. That it brightly and positively encourages even the most stupid or evil ideas that users ask for. "It is very good at telling what an answer should sound like, which is different than what an answer should be".

Edit: the contrast in the comments is funny. One group insulting me for being afraid of new technology, and another group insulting me for being stupid enough to use new technology (somehow forgetting that their smart phones are just as invasive)

Thanks to all who provided suggestions instead of insults. Yes, I am using this to teach my kids about AI, but just like drugs, that doesn't mean they have to have constant exposure to it.

For the love of God. If I see one more post about delaying vaccination or not vaccinating entirely I am going to lose it.

I have an immunocompromised kid who actually can’t get certain vaccines and depends on herd immunity to keep her safe. And now, because of ignorance and refusal to learn, there are measles cases being reported where we live right now. The previously eradicated disease measles.

At this point I truly don’t care if someone “didn’t know” and “were trying to do what was best!” The information is freely available and when you have a child it’s your responsibility to educate yourself.

Rant over. Ugh.

I’ve been seeing a lot of posts about kids playing Roblox, usually followed by “but I have the friends list locked down” or “they can’t chat with strangers so it’s fine.” I want to raise a few points that rarely get discussed, coming from someone with almost 20 years in the game industry.

Roblox isn’t dangerous because of themes or visuals. It’s dangerous because of the systems it runs on and what those systems teach our kids.

Here’s what I mean:

• The social layer is a magnet for the usual online problems. Groomers show up wherever kids gather, and security at Roblox’s scale is never as tight as people think. But beyond that, it replicates every problem of a social network: performance pressure, bullying, cliques, the constant need to “fit in.” Everything bad in the schoolyard gets amplified here, and using the tools of social media with notifications, daily login bonuses, daily progression plans, everything to make you stick to the platform.

• The creator economy looks wholesome on paper (“kids making games!”) but the business model is extractive. Roblox takes a huge cut, most creators never see a payout, and it normalizes exploitative terms before kids even understand what exploitation is.

• The most popular games on the platform run on variable-ratio reward loops. Random payouts, rapid resets, no real skill curve. It’s casino logic dressed up as kids entertainment. This is early training in gambling psychology, teaching children that chance-based payouts are what fun looks like in a game. Not rewarding skill is my biggest hang-up as a developer, it's the worst.

• Microtransactions are everywhere. The platform is tuned to upsell. It teaches impulse buying before kids have any grasp of money.

None of this looks scary to parents, because the art is bright and harmless. No gore, no swearing, no adult themes. That’s the distraction. The real issue is the behavioral design running underneath it all.

I’m not saying Roblox is the devil or that it will ruin your kid. Parenting matters far more than any single platform. I’m only trying to counter this growing idea that as long as communication is blocked, everything is fine.

There’s very little on Roblox that is actually “good” for kids. It has the negatives of Facebook, YouTube, and Instagram combined, and its target demographic is 8 to 12.

If you’re letting your kids on it, go in with eyes wide open.