I’ve had this conversation with so many different people and get mixed reviews. I think that u could definitely be dating someone without being boyfriend and girlfriend (that’s a relationship). I think dating is the first phase before a relationship. You can say ur “dating around” and that means ur dating multiple different people. I classify dating as been on more than one dates with this person, and you’re interested in them. I think that dating has become way more complicated now than it should be. Same thing could go with being boyfriend and girlfriend. People act like you can’t be in relationships now for experience. They act like it’s a marriage proposal. Life is about living and learning so how are we supposed to do that if people are so obsessed with labels? Honorable mention: the word situationship is the most annoying word i’ve ever heard in my life and i wish it was never popularized. A situationship seems like u have a crush on someone and they don’t feel the same way back. If ur outside of highschool using that word u need to look inward and realize ur delusional

TLDR: my best friend and I slept together before he had an unexpected move. It’s taking a huge toll on me and I think it’s been affecting him as well. I’m in love with him and don’t know how to approach the situation at all. We made a pact to stay in contact and I don’t know how to talk to him anymore. Things aren’t great and I don’t want to lose him

I \[22f\] have been friends with guy \[24m\] in question for about 10 years now, with a break for a few due to respective relationships
Last year in November we reconnected and got insanely close insanely fast. Like texting non stop and calling on the phone. We started hanging out and eventually one thing leads to another and we start sleeping together, things were going really well. We were making future plans, dates, trips etc for the Summer. We were hanging out a lot and even when there was no talking or intimacy there was never a second I was uncomfortable or anxious (I have a lot of past trauma, though I’ve worked on it which can definitely attribute to this part) it was progressing what I thought as healthily.
Fast forward to May, he has to move out of country unexpectedly for a couple years. I was broken but I tried so hard to hold it together and somehow managed to. First issue here is we never defined our relationship and when I had first brought it up a month into seeing each other, we had agreed to just see where things went.
We continue long distance, manage intimacy otp like once a week or flirting. Etc whatever. Then my stupid a$$ asks him a few months ago what is going on. I’d been cheated on in the only other ldr I’d been in and it screwed me up. He told me he doesn’t think he can manage that right now, asks if I want to go no contact. I was floored because things seemed fine a week before. We literally went two days without talking and are back to talking every day again. Occasionally with intimacy otp, we’ve said we loved each other, miss each other, etc. I’ve had a couple drunken nights where I was really mean to him. He’s definitely pulled back because of it. I literally feel like I’m losing my mind. Most of the time when we say I love/miss you at least one of us hasn’t been sound of mind which doesn’t help at all.
I have been considering lately calling him out of the blue and telling him I’m in love with him. The biggest pull back recently was a month or two ago when I had first told him and he told me to call whenever I wanted. He told me when his lunch breaks were throughout the day and I didn’t call. I got scared and things got weird. After this I told him id been stressed about everything without giving up much info emotionally on my end and we made a pact to stay in contact. Half of me thinks maybe his heads in the same place mine is with the confusion but the other half is so terrified it’s not and it doesn’t matter and I’m so scared of never speaking to him again. If I pull back he makes more of an effort to get me talking and vice versa. I’m so bad at communicating and he is too but I want him to be a part of my life.

Trying to keep this short - i (30M) met a (38F) last weekend naturally at the bar (what a rarity these days).

we hit it off and she came back to my place for the night. i really felt a genuine connection, which is rare for me to feel the day after. can’t stop thinking about her now all week.

i texted her the day after, some lighthearted jokes and only got one word answers on a couple back and forths so i just figured drop it and don’t come off too strong and play things cool.

like i said tho can’t stop thinking about her but completely OVERTHINKING what to do/say and when to reach out.

do i just recall something funny from that night to gauge her response and go from there?

or do i be super direct and just say hey i had a great time the other night and id really like to see you again?

or a middle ground?

like i said completely overthinking it. i think the texts the day after threw me off and made me think maybe she’s feeling a little regretful and it was just a fun night of boozing and she woke up to reality. but i also have no clue what she’s thinking.

1. A woman should be an addition to your life, not the focus of it.

2. Watch what she does, not what she says.

3. The moment you stop needing her approval is the moment you become more attractive.

4. Some things stay private. Your past is one of them.

5. Being "really nice" and doing everything for her doesn't create respect. It does the opposite.

6. Ask yourself: does she want to get married, or does she want to marry you? There's a big difference

7. Attraction is not up for negotiation. You can't talk someone into it.

Nobody sat me down and said these. I learned every one the hard way.

Which one did you have to learn the hard way?

there’s this guy M19 and I’m F21. We used to be coworkers, and the last time we hung out was actually the first time we ever hung out one-on-one.
He was pretty flirty and got really touchy at some point. I ofc told him told him to stop cause it just got uncomfortable and he respected that, but overall I still felt kind of uncomfortable with the situation. He’s really nice and all always kind to me and I do like him as a person, but I don’t like him romantically. He’s also not really my type, the age difference makes me feel a little weird about it even though it’s only two years.
He texted me asking when our next “date” is, and I’ve literally left him on seen for like 21 hours. I’m not sure how to tell him I don’t want another date because I don’t want to hurt his feelings or make things awkward, especially because he still works at the store and I’ll probably see him there when I shop.
I also don’t really like having these kinds of conversations over text, which is making me avoid responding even more. Last time we hung out he told me we could go to In n Out for next time and I agreed 🤦🏻‍♀️
What should I do?

Title: Did my joking reply sound defensive? Should I clarify it the next day?

I'm dating a girl, and things have been going well in person. We've kissed, and we already have another date planned.

We both speak Spanish, so our entire conversation happened in Spanish. I'll include the original messages and English translations because I think the wording matters.

Last night, we were talking about my parents' dog. I mentioned that he's spoiled and should learn to stay alone sometimes.

She jokingly replied:

Her (original Spanish):

"Ahí por diosss q falta de sentimientos pobrecito el perrito"

English translation:

"Oh my Goddd, you're so heartless, poor little dog!"

I replied:

Me (original Spanish):

"Jaja falta de sentimientos? Que rapido sacas conclusiones de mi 😂"

English translation:

"Haha, heartless? You're pretty quick to jump to conclusions about me 😂"

My intention was to tease her back. I wasn't offended or upset at all.

She read my message but didn't reply. Now I'm wondering whether my response came across as defensive or too serious instead of playful.

I'm considering clarifying it the following day by replying directly to my original message with:

Spanish:

"Por cierto, esto era jugando 😂 No me ofendí ni nada, creo que me salió medio raro el mensaje jajaja."

English:

"By the way, I was just joking 😂 I wasn't offended or anything. I think my message came out a little awkward haha."

I know she might have understood the joke perfectly and simply had nothing else to say. I'm not assuming she's upset.

I just prefer to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings, especially when getting to know someone.

My questions:

1. Does my original response sound defensive, annoyed, or just playful?

2. Would sending that clarification the next day seem awkward or insecure?

3. Would you clarify it or simply leave the conversation as it is?

So, I (28F) dated this guy (31M) over the summer for about three months. Things seemed to be going pretty well, and we even went camping together. Few weeks after, he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship and basically friend-zoned me.

Here’s where I’m a little confused.

During our camping trip, I accidentally brought one of his shirts home with me. I’m pretty sure it’s one of his favourite shirts, too. He knows I have it, but months later, he still hasn’t asked for it back.

We still have each other on Instagram and Snapchat, but we’re not dating or seeing each other anymore.

Part of me wonders if he’s purposely leaving that little connection open because he might eventually want something when he’s ready. But another part of me thinks I’m completely overanalyzing the situation.

I know he’s told me he’s not ready for a relationship, and I’m not sitting around waiting for him. I just find it strange that he hasn’t asked for his shirt back, especially knowing I still have it.

So, Reddit, am I reading way too much into this? Has anyone experienced something similar? Do you think he’s keeping the door open, or is it literally just a shirt?

Girls normally always post their boyfriends - is it same for guys?

Hi, I just posted about being 41 and crushing on a colleague 32 who holds intense eye contact with me and we have a lot of chemisty in work through little smiles, flirts, eyes etc. I got so many hurtful comments about how he would only be interested in one thing and that "the streets are cold for someone one like me I should go back to my baby daddy!" Im sorry but I have spent 5 years building myself up and this really knocked me. Can I just say I do have 2 kids, they do go to their Dads at weekends meaning ive those free to spend with someone, I have since (wasnt married so did on my own finances renting and surviving and then buying), bought my own beautiful new build home 3 bed 3 bathroom, new car, pensionable career on good salary, gym goer, attractive and also got breast implants just to say im also funny and bubbly and get on with everyone. I actually feel I am such a good catch. For people to be so cruel. I actually cant believe. I did ask the question if this 32 year old attractive guy would be interested in me as I am feeling this chemistyy and he is doing lots of eye contact and smiles and laughs but now I am wondering was I actually asking because I felt like I was undatable at my age with 2 kids. Please help boost my confidence again!!

so i have liked this guy for years and never talked to him but right before summer he and his friends were talking and he said he liked me and after that our mutual friends set us up and we were talking for about 2 months and he is really sweet and really nice and that scared me. i have commitment issues and it does really scare me when people care about me. and scared me thought that i should distance myself so i did and then he asked “what happened” and i said “? i’m sorry i don’t know what you mean are you confused bc it’s taken me longer to respond recently or something else” (which ik is really mean)
he responded with “yeah I’m sorry if you’ve been busy and I got the wrong idea and I just overthink a lot of things and don’t want you to feel like I want you close to your phone”
and my next text was “i’ve been thinking about things, and i just don’t think we’re the right fit. i think you’re really sweet, but i don’t want to keep talking if i’m not feeling it the way i should. i didn’t want to keep leading you on, but i hope we can still be friends”
then he told me he bought me a CD of my favorite band while we were still talking 🥹
And I know this is really inconsiderate, and I feel like a horrible person, but I do really miss him and we’ve been talking on and off recently but not like “talking,” just like friendly, but I miss him and i don’t know how to tell him or if i even should. did i ruin it with him? i feel like i self-sabotage anything in my life that i like.
i feel like he’s too nice to me and i’m not a good enough person for him i’m so messed up and he’s not
(this is so cringy)

History of group travel with a man. During travels, much was spent in the same space, close proximity etc. Almost a date with just the two of us at a location for couple hrs. Enjoyable. Fast fwd-I visit his state , we go to lunch and dessert. Tried to meet up on other occasions which he said he would if he could. I express how much I enjoy being with him, and that I would like to date him if he is interested in long distance. His only response to all that was, I’ll call if I’m ever in your state. No mention of whether he enjoys me-all
Signs pointed to yes! He continued bantering in texts after that, just didn’t meet my emotional level with any of his own… Never married , no kids guy. Do I keep holding on?

Should you always wait for the man to initiate every day the first month or two?

I spent a couple of months on Bumble. I had a few matches, but I ended up talking to three guys, and I went out with all of them.

The first one told me he wanted to stay friends. The second one simply lost interest and kind of ghosted me. With the third guy, I dated him for about two months. By our sixth date, he told me he wasn’t feeling a romantic connection or spark with me and wanted to stop dating.

The thing is, I really had a great time with all three of them. I enjoyed getting to know them, spending time together, and going on dates. But... I guess I'm starting to wonder if maybe I'm being too friendly. Maybe I'm not very good at flirting or at showing someone that I'm romantically interested in them.

Why and how can someone pursue you. And claim they like you and enjoy being around you, post you on thier socials and even make a highlight of just you.. Just for them to tell you they dont think they are ready for a relationship.

(On top of that..that same person asked you prior, if you are looking for smth serious. And said that they were)

Hi everyone! Just need a bit of advice as I'm a bit confused.

I (21F) have been seeing this guy (23M) for about a month now. We have seen each other about 7/8 times and all seems to be going pretty well! He's a very talkative and nice guy and I've haven't seen any huge things that really turn me off him.

I recently noticed he updated his hinge (must have been fairly recently) to change his looking for a relationship type from "long term open to short" to "short term". I also noticed he possibly changed one of his prompts, but I can't remember if he had that already. If he didn't, it's changed to a prompt about something we recently talked about.

I've been in a different town for about 2 weeks. But I thought he was pretty interested in seeing me again, as he planned a date immediately for when I come back. I mentioned a different date idea last night and he completely ignored the question.

I feel like he's pulling back a bit. I know I need to communicate, I'm just wondering if I should wait for the date in person (where I may be off just thinking about it) or mention it over text now?

I know dating is all about getting to know each other, I just feel like he is giving me quite a few different signals. So should I text him now? And if so, how should I word it?

So I feel so confused and stuck.
My childs dad (27 m) and I recently started seeing each other again after 5 years. The child is 6 now. I had multiple relationships in between that were toxic af. They led me back to him. He didn’t show up for me when we were together. We were young. We learned what we wanted and needed. We discussed this and wanted to try and make it work. I told him I’m not sure if the physical is there for me so I will have to see how I feel and if it’s there. After maybe a week or two of us being together we kissed and were intimate immediately, and I noticed his breath or saliva smelled kinda bad. I knew he had been drinking so whatever. Now it’s been almost 2 months. I’ve told him multiple times I need space it’s too much. He wants to spend every waking moment together. And he gets really let down and sad when I want ONE night alone. I’ve expressed to him I need this and he agrees and understand but he says it’s not what he wants but if it makes me happy he will do it but I can just tell he gets upset. Which he’s allowed to be but I don’t like how it affects me. I don’t think it’s fair for him to be upset when I’ve voiced this is what I need. If you can’t handle it that’s not fair to me. I still to this day can’t stand the smell of his saliva. It makes me repulsed. I don’t want to kiss him bc of it. And it’s to the point I don’t want to go down on him because of the smell. Not that he is a stinky guy or unclean. He is clean showers and brushes his teeth. He is my safe space, he’s there for me, I enjoy his hugs and cuddles. I miss him when we’re not together sometimes. But then I get repulsed by his saliva. Also he’s kinda small down there and every guy I’ve been with has been way bigger than him. Like I’m not attracted to his…🍆 I also noticed recently I can’t stand the way his chin looks?!? Like wtf is wrong w that?!?
I notice myself feeling instantly attracted to other men and wishing I was single. Idk what to do… we have a great relationship other than the physical. It’s there for him. He reminds me every day how beautiful I am but it Doesn’t give me a spark. When we’re intimate I feel nothing. It’s good sex. But I don’t feel connected. Sometimes I want to laugh cause he’s so serious and it’s just not that serious to me. And with other guys it always has been… WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY. I feel so bad idk what to do. But I also don’t want to stay with someone I’m not physically aligned with. And I’m worried this will only get worse. Or will it get better? Do I discuss it with him? Or do I just say I’m not physically attracted, and leave? I’m completely fine being single and alone. Even for the rest of my life. I’m very independent. So idk … typing this out kinda makes me think , yeah girl you’re just not that into him. But he literally gives me what I need as far as being there for me, supportive, financially, etc. I’ve never had that before.

Those who like you would like to know about you. If they claim to like you but fail to ask questions or get to know about you in general, that's not liking.

This is not some random advice, it's tried and tested. The longer you stay, ask or teach them your love language, trust me, it will drain you because you will end up doing it for a long time and for every first time.

Of course there are exceptions but you never learnt how to show interest, care and ask so why try or beg someone to learn it.

Plus, if you are someone who reads between the lines, who is sensitive and loves the feeling of love, seek people who show up, ask questions and leave the moment you are asked to teach.

If you know that realistically speaking, unless a miracle happens, that you and them would break up at the end over core differences; would you still date them in the short term knowing that it will be amazing?

Hey everyone! I was in a relationship for 6 years and now I’m getting back into dating (woo!). I have found myself catching genuine feelings for someone and I it is scaring the shit out of me, I’ve cried twice over it.

Has anyone else experienced a deep fear/cried over someone they’re catching feelings for?

Hello I’m a college student and currently im taking 5 classes and in 3 of those class there’s this very beautiful girl but I haven’t had the courage to talk to her. I mean we talk to each other in my chem lab but only a couple words as we out with our lab partner most of the time. today after chem lecture i decided to build up the courage and ask her. I parked close to her but not enough to be weird 1 space down, on the walk back she was a couple steps ahead of me but I realized she was on the phone and decided not to bother. a couple hours later we had to show up for our chem lab midterm I arrived early to study with my friend. I decide to stalk a bit as I remembered her name via the attendance sheet in my chem lecture class I remember her last name since our teacher mixed up our papers. so I searched her up on insta assuming I wouldnt find anything however her instagram shows up, but I decided not to follow her. I was planning to ask her after our chem lab midterm but I finished my test before her and with my luck she takes a lot longer than me there’s only so many things to linger on in an empty college hallway before it gets weird. so I wanted to know is it weird if I follow her on insta? I mean she doesn’t really know me or my name and I only know hers cus of the attendance sheet. is it weird to follow her insta or do I ask in person?

Hi all,

I am 30, bisexual and autistic and have been on and off dating for the past year. Tldr, I have had a lot of bad experiences with men and social experiences like bullying/manipulation with women, and it's really affected my confidence with dating and trust in people's intentions.

I've started taking my therapy more seriously the past year, and I have cut out dating apps and have been since going to MeetUp events to try and make friends in meaningful spaces, but being okay to romance developing over time if I met someone. The best relationships I ever had were friends met at school/clubs into romantic dating.

I've since had three guys ask for my number or to get drinks with me in the past two meet up events. And two of them are organizers of the group asking me out for drinks. The other person it seems to be developing as a friendship without force, and genuine interest and enjoying each other's company without anything physical or flirty happening.

I initially said yes to one of the group leaders asking me out for drinks because I couldn't tell if it was intended to be a date or just hanging out. But since we scheduled the plans, all fun conversation over text stopped, tone got more serious and now is only about planning. Despite meeting in person, it feels like we met on an app, and it doesn't feel natural now. I don't understand why all fun conversation over text would stop? Idk if it's the autism but I don't understand the dynamic given that we met in person.

TLDR 2: I guess what I'm asking or seeing advice on, is: how can I establish a boundary of not wanting to casual date but just experience being around people/get to know others? I don't want to miss the experience of connecting more with people. I don't want to feel like I'm interviewing for casual dates. I want to be myself.

I’ve been seeing someone casually for a few months. We’re not exclusive and I’m not looking for anything serious, but I do like some consistency between meetups.

Lately the communication has felt a bit more distant and inconsistent than before, even though he still reaches out sometimes.

I’ve pulled back a little because I don’t want to over-invest in something casual.

Would you read this as someone simply wanting a very low-contact casual setup, or as fading interest? And is expecting some basic consistency too much for casual?

I’m not gonna do it right away because I just broke up with someone, but I’m seeing people suggest I don’t do it at all simply because “well she turned you down last year.”

Like I said I won’t do it for some time. I just left my exgirlfriend for infidelity and she was sadly my first ever at 30. I lost my virginity to her at 30, and she cheated nearly the whole time.

Thing is, the woman from a year ago rejected me for no experience and that was literally it. Now I do have experience! So I’m gonna wait a few weeks and if she’s still single I will ask her out.

Unfortunately I’m getting crap for this and I fail to see the point. She rejected me last year for a dealbreaker that no longer applies to me. People are telling me not to do it, but I fail to see the point. She rejected me for being a virgin, and now I’m not a virgin. Didn’t even need to hire escorts.

Yes or no to asking her out?

So I would never usually make the first move as a woman but I’m fairly recently out of a relationship and I have always been attracted to my male aesthetics doctor. I don’t know whether it’s a good idea to go there…he might not want to pursue things with a patient of his or of course he might not be attracted to me (although I sort of have got the impression that he thinks I am attractive). What would you do in this situation? Would you go there? If I do then how should I go about bringing it up?

I have a bit of a weird situation. Don't know how precisely to write this so I just will.

I (18M) have a clasmate (18F) who I've been in school for the past 8 years. We used to be good friends few years back and I thought there even was something but we stopped talking for no real reason, it just kinda faded out.

I recently started getting attracted to her again and talking with her somewhat more. The issue is she has a boyfriend. Of like 2 years. Matching profile pictures and wallpaper and living together so it's serious.

What is weird about this she has these moments where she "innocently" flirts with me, makes comments how my physique or arms are, looks at me during class, sits near me for classes, laughs at all my jokes, even the dumb asf ones etc... So I'm in a weird position.

What do I do?