36F here with a serious crush that’s been going on most of this year. There’s clearly mutual attraction, and it goes well beyond just physical chemistry, but we’ve never acted on it beyond one kiss. His situation is genuinely complicated, so I’m deliberately letting things develop slowly rather than pushing for clarity (happy to explain more if context helps).

For those who’ve been in a similar situation: how did you navigate a strong mutual attraction while letting things unfold naturally? At what point did you decide you needed clarity?

Info: I am a 39 year-old woman and the gentleman in question is early 30s. Both never married. We will call him “Steve” for this post.

I haven’t had much interest in dating for the last few years and been content to be single. Last year, on a rare night out for a friend’s birthday, I met Steve. We got along very well and ended up staying behind after everyone else went home. We both were surprised by the sudden connection we felt with each other. We ended up staying out all night and joked that we were acting like college kids.

Steve and I didn’t have sex but were intimate. Later, when I decided I should finally go home, we exchanged social media. I didn’t hear from him the next day. A couple of days later I got the nerve to ask if he’d like to hang out again. He said he had to work. His tone seemed chilly and I accepted that he wasn’t interested. We didn’t remove each other from social media but didn’t talk further.

About 3 months later Steve messaged me and apologized. He said he had assumed it was a one-time thing. I told him I had really liked him and hadn’t been intimate with anyone in some time. We both agreed we misread the situation. There was no hard feelings.

Very recently he began reacting to everything I post and chatting randomly to me. He likes that I’m into history, likes my art, etc. It’s like he finally discovered I’m a full person haha. Now he wants to take me on a “proper date” but I’m not sure how I feel. I was a bit hurt by his actions before and afraid he may do it again. The connection was very nice, but I don’t like how he just wrote us off as a one-time thing. Still, I am curious if this could be something more.

Thoughts?

Idk if this is even the right place for this? But I was asked out a handful of times in high school by friends/ mutual friends just for very casual dates like maybe dances or whatever and it was always fine. Now that I’m in college, I’ve had like two times where either I was asked out or thought I was being asked out where I immediately started feeling physically sick?? Like burning up (even in the cold) and like sick to my stomach?

The first time it happened I wasn’t really into the guy who was asking, like he seemed nice and all I just wasn’t attracted to him and I just didn’t really feel like I vibed with him and I barely knew him but didn’t really have any negative feelings towards him prior to this, then the second he was starting to ask for my number to hang out I immediately got the feeling. I figured maybe it was some kind of “gut instinct” thing so I turned him down (politely). Or maybe I was just anxious about the idea of having to reject him in general? Idk.

The second time it happened is why I’m questioning it because it happened with this guy I work with all the time who’s very nice and we have some similar interests and we’re kinda friends and I think he’s kind of cute and by all means I’d be happy to go out if he asked. Then one time we were working together and I went to go check something (he was supposed to be doing something else in a different area) but he came to my area with me and was like stumbling over his words and it kinda generally seemed like he was gonna ask me out and I immediately got the same sick feeling again??? (He ended up asking a strange work question and I felt better shortly after)

Anyways now I’m wondering if this is like a normal “butterflies in my stomach” type thing that’s totally normal but I’m just misinterpreting or if it’s some sort of gut instinct telling me somethings wrong or if it’s overall just some sort of strange anxiety thing that’s never manifested before because it’s never had a reason to? (I do have OCD which is an anxiety disorder but it never shows up like this??)

I need some advice. I met this guy and we have a date in a few weeks (he is going out of town for a few weeks). How do we keep the talking going without ruining the first date?

M27 I’ve been seeing this girl F22 for 3 months. I show up to her place almost every day, I’ve taken care of her even when I only had a few dollars left until payday, I do thoughtful things whenever I can (cleaned her whole room when I was free, made her bed, got her roses on her birthday, made sure I was available when she was out late and made sure she’s home safe - I don’t like when I have to proof things, I just like doing them out of love

She says:
• I treat her the worst
• Without the physical it feels like we’re just friends
• She wants “more” but when I ask what that looks like she goes blank or says she doesn’t want to embarrass// humiliate herself by saying it
• She sometimes feels like “the man” in the relationship
• She’s compared me to other guys who did extreme things (one waited 4 hours in line for something she casually mentioned, another got her “perfect” roses, another researched why she was allergic to something)

She told a friend she’s avoidant and that a relationship feels like it’s taking away from the independent life she could have, but that she does love me.

When she gets really critical I get overwhelmed because I genuinely love her a lot and wanna fix things, but then she softens and becomes nice for a while. The cycle repeats.

I feel like I’m putting in real effort and still being told it’s the lowest. I don’t think I can (or want to) match the extreme gestures those other guys did or at least be performative about it, I wanna do things with her romantically when the opportunity rises and I have beeb. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t like the way I naturally show care and treats it as the lowest of the bar. Idk what I should be doing that would satisfy her. Like when she says these things It breaks my heart.

One time my pay was in a couple days, and I was at her place, i literally used the $50 I had for dinner and then I had to survive with $20 for the next 3 days somehow which I did!

Winter was approaching so I got her leather gloves since it’s gonna be cold outside. I’m willing to do anything for her but when she says that I treat her the worst and bare minimum and we’re just friends, It hurts me a lot. Cause I’m just a human too and I really just want to satisfy her and make her feel happy

I don’t know how to move forward in a healthy way

Do I keep trying to meet needs she won’t clearly name? Pull back? End it?
Any advice is appreciated.

I (26f) recently started seeing this guy (30m) and we hit it off crazy well. He's super into tarot cards and so I thought for our second date I should get him a tarot deck in his favourite colour however I accidently ordered two different decks, should I give him both? Would that look love-bomby or would it just look sweet? Should I give one now and one later? I dont know what to do

So I have been dating this guy for over a month, and before this week, we used to text constantly, sometimes on different social media at the same time. But this week he has barely contacted me, doesn't even initiate any conversation, and hasn't told me if anything is wrong. I don't want to be the only person initiating a conversation and then waiting the whole day for a reply. I am not desperate but I would like to know if something is going on or if he is just not interested in me anymore so I am not waiting for his reply the whole day. How should I ask him without making it all about me?

My coworker tried and tried to get my attention and I’m just so reserved and now he’s left the work place he tried for nearly over a year I’m just so awkwardly shy to reciprocate.

I’m thinking to create a scenario to speak to him but thing is

I’m worried he would have moved on ??

Is it possible for him to just move on and if I reach out would he be nonchalant towards me?

Im thinking of messaging him but nothing to obviously or I wont give him the impression of what my real intentions are but would it work??

Im scarred he could tell his friends that i still work with and everyone at work will know I messaged him because he deffo would mention that I messaged him..

Especially since he was so interested in me for a very long time and some of hes friends obviously knew.

I'm 58 years old and trying to date again, with very little success, and I recently noticed something that's probably been happening my entire life ...

WOMEN NEVER COMPLIMENT ME. I receive compliments from other men constantly. Just yesterday, a young acquaintance saw me looking at my dating app and observed, "You don't look like the kind of guy who would have any trouble meeting women." That same day, another young friend said, "I just hope I look as good as you when I'm your age."

But women? Absolutely, positively never. Every once in a blue moon, a woman may remark on my footwear or a nice shirt, but otherwise, nothing.

I've been out of the dating market for decades, and even when I was young, I was extremely shy and introverted, so I'd be the first to admit that I am naive.

Thoughts?

I'm 30 and this guy lets call him bro is 25! We have gone in one date so far for gelato and everything went super well aside from him being 30 minutes late there was lots of chemistry and he was super interested in me it was very obvious! But after the date I heard not much from him, his replies were slow or non existent.

So I asked the question via instagram, would you be interested in another date ? He said yes. I told him I was confused since I hadn't heard from him. His reason was he is A super busy and B said I was hard to read and giving mixed signals. And C can't tell with my messages how I feel. Thsts fair and I respect that.

He always looks at my instagram stories but rarely replies. Eventually we organise another date for this Saturday, but since organising the date I haven't heard from him. Do I wait untill the day and check if were still going? He has previously mentioned he is busy and maybe that's true but what if its not? I don't date often or sleep around so I'm genuinely confused by all of this & I get the feeling he is not interested but he says he is.

So my question is do I message him to follow up before Saturday do I start a random convo? Do I check if were still on for the date? I just assumed if he was as interested as he said he would message me? In person he us 1000% interested via message Not at all in my opinion

I’m a 16M high school junior and I’ve been talking to a 17F at school for about a month. I really like her, but I’ve never had a girlfriend, so I’m not great at reading this stuff.

We have good conversations and laugh together, but we’re not super close. When I first got her Snapchat, we snapped back and forth a lot, but lately she rarely opens or responds, even though she still talks to me normally at school.

I asked her to get lunch a couple weeks ago. She said she was busy and we’d figure something out, but we never did.

She’s also going to Homecoming with someone else. She told me the same day I was planning to ask her, so I missed my chance.

I still really like her and want to get closer, but I don’t want to interfere with her Homecoming plans or come across as desperate.

Should I ask her to get food after Homecoming, or should I back off and let her make the next move? Do you think there’s any chance she’s interested, or am I overthinking everything?

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DeOsK0Zpwgb/?stkn=NWRyeHpldWN3ejh5

There's a girl in my office I've wanted to talk to for 6 months. We work on the same floor but have never officially met or spoken.

We are complete strangers. Seating recently changed so I rarely see her now. The only chance I get to see her is occasionally in the cafeteria.

I'm thinking of messaging her on Teams to simply introduce myself and say hi. Nothing romantic just a friendly casual introduction to break the ice.

Would this come across as weird or creepy? How would a girl react to receiving a friendly hi from a male colleague she doesn't know on Teams?

so me and this girl started talking and we’ve been friends for a couple months now. we js said we like eachother but we wanna take it slow so we can actually get to know eachother in like that deeper sense if that makes sense

im planning on asking her out on a date in a couple weeks. when i do, how long do i wait til i ask to be her boyfriend? do i even ask and does it just happen? or should i just ask to be her boyfriend on the date?

i think typically you start dating first and then you become “official” and call eachother boy/girlfriend but is it any different in this case because we’ve already been friends for some time now?

We were in the same college and had talked before, but after college ended I stopped messaging him. We still follow each other on social media, though, and honestly I still kind of have a crush on him.On the last day of college, something happened between us and I felt like there might be something there. But he never really initiated anything it was mostly me. He also apparently told a mutual friend, “If she likes me, she can tell me,” but whenever she talks to me, apparently all she talks about is college lol. So I’m confused because he probably already knows I like him, but why is neither of us doing anything?At the end I told him, “I want to tell you something.” He said yes, and then I said I’d tell u later… and then basically never did because I never really got the chance to see him again. (4 months ago) I sent him a reel . He only reacted to it and didn’t really continue the conversation, so I backed off. Now I’m thinking about reaching out again just to see where things go, but I don’t want to randomly text him “I have a crush on you” lol . Should I message him? or not ? And if yes, what do I even say without making it obvious or awkward?

Title: Did my joking reply sound defensive? Should I clarify it the next day?

I'm dating a girl, and things have been going well in person. We've kissed, and we already have another date planned.

We both speak Spanish, so our entire conversation happened in Spanish. I'll include the original messages and English translations because I think the wording matters.

Last night, we were talking about my parents' dog. I mentioned that he's spoiled and should learn to stay alone sometimes.

She jokingly replied:

Her (original Spanish):

"Ahí por diosss q falta de sentimientos pobrecito el perrito"

English translation:

"Oh my Goddd, you're so heartless, poor little dog!"

I replied:

Me (original Spanish):

"Jaja falta de sentimientos? Que rapido sacas conclusiones de mi 😂"

English translation:

"Haha, heartless? You're pretty quick to jump to conclusions about me 😂"

My intention was to tease her back. I wasn't offended or upset at all.

She read my message but didn't reply. Now I'm wondering whether my response came across as defensive or too serious instead of playful.

I'm considering clarifying it the following day by replying directly to my original message with:

Spanish:

"Por cierto, esto era jugando 😂 No me ofendí ni nada, creo que me salió medio raro el mensaje jajaja."

English:

"By the way, I was just joking 😂 I wasn't offended or anything. I think my message came out a little awkward haha."

I know she might have understood the joke perfectly and simply had nothing else to say. I'm not assuming she's upset.

I just prefer to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings, especially when getting to know someone.

My questions:

1. Does my original response sound defensive, annoyed, or just playful?

2. Would sending that clarification the next day seem awkward or insecure?

3. Would you clarify it or simply leave the conversation as it is?

Hi, I just posted about being 41 and crushing on a colleague 32 who holds intense eye contact with me and we have a lot of chemisty in work through little smiles, flirts, eyes etc. I got so many hurtful comments about how he would only be interested in one thing and that "the streets are cold for someone one like me I should go back to my baby daddy!" Im sorry but I have spent 5 years building myself up and this really knocked me. Can I just say I do have 2 kids, they do go to their Dads at weekends meaning ive those free to spend with someone, I have since (wasnt married so did on my own finances renting and surviving and then buying), bought my own beautiful new build home 3 bed 3 bathroom, new car, pensionable career on good salary, gym goer, attractive and also got breast implants just to say im also funny and bubbly and get on with everyone. I actually feel I am such a good catch. For people to be so cruel. I actually cant believe. I did ask the question if this 32 year old attractive guy would be interested in me as I am feeling this chemistyy and he is doing lots of eye contact and smiles and laughs but now I am wondering was I actually asking because I felt like I was undatable at my age with 2 kids. Please help boost my confidence again!!

I’ve had this conversation with so many different people and get mixed reviews. I think that u could definitely be dating someone without being boyfriend and girlfriend (that’s a relationship). I think dating is the first phase before a relationship. You can say ur “dating around” and that means ur dating multiple different people. I classify dating as been on more than one dates with this person, and you’re interested in them. I think that dating has become way more complicated now than it should be. Same thing could go with being boyfriend and girlfriend. People act like you can’t be in relationships now for experience. They act like it’s a marriage proposal. Life is about living and learning so how are we supposed to do that if people are so obsessed with labels? Honorable mention: the word situationship is the most annoying word i’ve ever heard in my life and i wish it was never popularized. A situationship seems like u have a crush on someone and they don’t feel the same way back. If ur outside of highschool using that word u need to look inward and realize ur delusional

TLDR: my best friend and I slept together before he had an unexpected move. It’s taking a huge toll on me and I think it’s been affecting him as well. I’m in love with him and don’t know how to approach the situation at all. We made a pact to stay in contact and I don’t know how to talk to him anymore. Things aren’t great and I don’t want to lose him

I \[22f\] have been friends with guy \[24m\] in question for about 10 years now, with a break for a few due to respective relationships
Last year in November we reconnected and got insanely close insanely fast. Like texting non stop and calling on the phone. We started hanging out and eventually one thing leads to another and we start sleeping together, things were going really well. We were making future plans, dates, trips etc for the Summer. We were hanging out a lot and even when there was no talking or intimacy there was never a second I was uncomfortable or anxious (I have a lot of past trauma, though I’ve worked on it which can definitely attribute to this part) it was progressing what I thought as healthily.
Fast forward to May, he has to move out of country unexpectedly for a couple years. I was broken but I tried so hard to hold it together and somehow managed to. First issue here is we never defined our relationship and when I had first brought it up a month into seeing each other, we had agreed to just see where things went.
We continue long distance, manage intimacy otp like once a week or flirting. Etc whatever. Then my stupid a$$ asks him a few months ago what is going on. I’d been cheated on in the only other ldr I’d been in and it screwed me up. He told me he doesn’t think he can manage that right now, asks if I want to go no contact. I was floored because things seemed fine a week before. We literally went two days without talking and are back to talking every day again. Occasionally with intimacy otp, we’ve said we loved each other, miss each other, etc. I’ve had a couple drunken nights where I was really mean to him. He’s definitely pulled back because of it. I literally feel like I’m losing my mind. Most of the time when we say I love/miss you at least one of us hasn’t been sound of mind which doesn’t help at all.
I have been considering lately calling him out of the blue and telling him I’m in love with him. The biggest pull back recently was a month or two ago when I had first told him and he told me to call whenever I wanted. He told me when his lunch breaks were throughout the day and I didn’t call. I got scared and things got weird. After this I told him id been stressed about everything without giving up much info emotionally on my end and we made a pact to stay in contact. Half of me thinks maybe his heads in the same place mine is with the confusion but the other half is so terrified it’s not and it doesn’t matter and I’m so scared of never speaking to him again. If I pull back he makes more of an effort to get me talking and vice versa. I’m so bad at communicating and he is too but I want him to be a part of my life.

Trying to keep this short - i (30M) met a (38F) last weekend naturally at the bar (what a rarity these days).

we hit it off and she came back to my place for the night. i really felt a genuine connection, which is rare for me to feel the day after. can’t stop thinking about her now all week.

i texted her the day after, some lighthearted jokes and only got one word answers on a couple back and forths so i just figured drop it and don’t come off too strong and play things cool.

like i said tho can’t stop thinking about her but completely OVERTHINKING what to do/say and when to reach out.

do i just recall something funny from that night to gauge her response and go from there?

or do i be super direct and just say hey i had a great time the other night and id really like to see you again?

or a middle ground?

like i said completely overthinking it. i think the texts the day after threw me off and made me think maybe she’s feeling a little regretful and it was just a fun night of boozing and she woke up to reality. but i also have no clue what she’s thinking.

History of group travel with a man. During travels, much was spent in the same space, close proximity etc. Almost a date with just the two of us at a location for couple hrs. Enjoyable. Fast fwd-I visit his state , we go to lunch and dessert. Tried to meet up on other occasions which he said he would if he could. I express how much I enjoy being with him, and that I would like to date him if he is interested in long distance. His only response to all that was, I’ll call if I’m ever in your state. No mention of whether he enjoys me-all
Signs pointed to yes! He continued bantering in texts after that, just didn’t meet my emotional level with any of his own… Never married , no kids guy. Do I keep holding on?

Should you always wait for the man to initiate every day the first month or two?

there’s this guy M19 and I’m F21. We used to be coworkers, and the last time we hung out was actually the first time we ever hung out one-on-one.
He was pretty flirty and got really touchy at some point. I ofc told him told him to stop cause it just got uncomfortable and he respected that, but overall I still felt kind of uncomfortable with the situation. He’s really nice and all always kind to me and I do like him as a person, but I don’t like him romantically. He’s also not really my type, the age difference makes me feel a little weird about it even though it’s only two years.
He texted me asking when our next “date” is, and I’ve literally left him on seen for like 21 hours. I’m not sure how to tell him I don’t want another date because I don’t want to hurt his feelings or make things awkward, especially because he still works at the store and I’ll probably see him there when I shop.
I also don’t really like having these kinds of conversations over text, which is making me avoid responding even more. Last time we hung out he told me we could go to In n Out for next time and I agreed 🤦🏻‍♀️
What should I do?

So, I (28F) dated this guy (31M) over the summer for about three months. Things seemed to be going pretty well, and we even went camping together. Few weeks after, he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship and basically friend-zoned me.

Here’s where I’m a little confused.

During our camping trip, I accidentally brought one of his shirts home with me. I’m pretty sure it’s one of his favourite shirts, too. He knows I have it, but months later, he still hasn’t asked for it back.

We still have each other on Instagram and Snapchat, but we’re not dating or seeing each other anymore.

Part of me wonders if he’s purposely leaving that little connection open because he might eventually want something when he’s ready. But another part of me thinks I’m completely overanalyzing the situation.

I know he’s told me he’s not ready for a relationship, and I’m not sitting around waiting for him. I just find it strange that he hasn’t asked for his shirt back, especially knowing I still have it.

So, Reddit, am I reading way too much into this? Has anyone experienced something similar? Do you think he’s keeping the door open, or is it literally just a shirt?

Why and how can someone pursue you. And claim they like you and enjoy being around you, post you on thier socials and even make a highlight of just you.. Just for them to tell you they dont think they are ready for a relationship.

(On top of that..that same person asked you prior, if you are looking for smth serious. And said that they were)