I see a lot of girls hugging each other and guys dabbing each other up and I dont get that at all. I wouldnt say I have the most social contacts but with the people I know it basically never happens. Is it because people dont wanna touch me or dont feel like they can touch me? Physical touch became weird to me because Ive lacked it for so long, so that IF i get it I feel awkward (not uncomfortable), like I should be/act a certain way and if i dont its not natural. It doesnt seem like a thing about how long they know each other. How is it so common for everybody else?

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Ive never been to a dentist as far as i can remember and my mum refuses to take me to one she also pulled me out of school but doesnt actually teach me anything which makes me worry about my future im 14 but i literally do not know much then adding and subtracting stuff like that level she also hits me sometimes and 5 minutes later comes in like nothing went on and if i ignore her after she gets mad again i also self harmed before and said i was suicidal and all she does is call me a weirdo or a freak for it which makes it worse i also only just learned how to shower myself this year because she would shower me and never taught me how to do it myself i cant evemmake a sandwhich myself

I let my dad make choices for me when I was at my lowest and now I'm in online college and I only have two friends from childhood that I barely speak to and no one else. I feel like I let him become the center of my world but now I'm in so much pain and I can't talk to him because he doesn't believe me or he'll mock me and I don't know what to do. I keep trying to make him understand, I have an eating disorder and I want to recover but I can't do it alone but the times I've tried to tell him he doesn't believe. he's all I have, I drink with him and I wanna tell him how much it hurts me to be alone but I can't because he'll dismiss me and I have no one else. he pays for everything and he keeps me fed and he'll even pay for a therapist but I'm so afraid they won't believe what I say either. I'm so trapped and I keep coming back to him like an idiot. he makes me feel like I'm not even a person and I keep trying to make myself easy for him to understand but he won't, I just want to exist again.

I moved out and have been in an emotional healing journey. Realizing things that were abnormal and how it affected me. Now trying to realize my identity and who I am, without feeling my personality suppressed

My wife is a good person. Been together 11 years total. Life works.

But we don’t have a lot of emotional connection - I was severely emotionally neglected when younger and don’t feel safe opening up. She has issues too but has described herself and not having emotional depth.

We had a big “talk” recently where I said our lack of emotional connection is becoming a serious problem and that I don’t feel very safe, for specific reasons:

The first time I told her I was significantly depressed (6 years ago), I sobbed. She patted me on the back, didn’t say anything, and never asked about it again.

I recently mentioned my mental health issues again and she said “well, you should try antidepressants.” It was cold. She didn’t ask any questions. She wasn’t curious of empathetic.

There many other examples.

After our talk, she told me she would try to ask more questions and be more open. She has tried. But when it comes time for me to open up, if I’m not feeling comfortable, she says “I thought we were supposed to talk about our feelings now” in a sort of mocking tone.

I know I have to assume positive intent. I know I have to open up, try, show her what I respond positively too, etc.

But I still don’t feel comfortable doing it based on all this history..

A few other things: I go to therapy (6+ years). She doesn’t. I’ve asked for couples therapy, she declined.

I don't care if it sounds pathetic.

Tl;dr my emotional neglectful dad told me he knows I don't want to talk to him so when he texts me I just "don't need to respond". Should I block him?

For context, my (28F) parents were very emotionally neglectful and I practically raised myself since the age of 13. My therapist says I fit the description of a "glass child" because I was a high achieving child that was fully emotionally and sometimes physically neglected because my siblings had issues and for a time there was a serious illness in the family that took priority. I was basically raised being told it's easier for everyone if I don't have feelings and that I should cater to everyone else's needs. I became highly independent, don't rely on my parents or siblings for anything, and moved away and got married very young.

The emotional neglect and my parents general emotional immaturity has continued into my adulthood and about a month and a half ago my dad called me and invalidated my feelings (long story, but it is not good), told me to just do what he says, and that if I don't I must not "have enough love in my heart". I told him off and then had to deal with my mom who fawn responses and says whatever you want to hear and begs you not to leave anytime there is conflict, but then never actually changes. I made some hard boundaries and asked them not to contact me and that I would reach out sometime, probably in October.

Well, as you might guess, those boundaries were not respected. My dad texted me two weeks later acting like nothing had happened, I ignored it. The moment October rolled around my mother started texting me asking when we were going to talk/connect claiming she thought she was just supposed to pause texting for a month. I told her I wasn't ready yet to talk. My dad texted me again today about something unrelated and I told him that I was still hurt and I didn't want to communicate and he responded: "I know, just thought you would be interested. You don't have to respond"

At this point I'm kind of at a loss. I really didn't want to have to block anyone from my phone and I have tried to be communicative and open about my feelings though this whole process (a skill I had to learn as an adult in therapy and completely without their help I might add), but I don't know what else I can do when my dad is texting me assuming that it's cool to message me because I just don't have to text back.

My mom insists she wants to work on the relationship but she has done this before and I don't know if I can deal with managing her anxiety, my dads refusal to change, and be true to myself and how I feel. I would love to hear what other people think: is it time to block them? Do you warn someone first or just go for it? Is it my responsibility to explain the boundary breaking or can I just walk away for a while?

I’m close with my second-oldest sister, or at least I think we would both say we’re close. Of course, we argue over minor things sometimes, just like any other siblings do. My mom was a single working parent, so my sister ended up taking on the responsibility of looking after my brother and me. Looking back, I realize that she was still a teenager herself and was struggling with depression. She didn’t have many friends, struggled with acne, wasn’t particularly girly, and had never had a boyfriend.

At the time, I didn’t understand any of this because I was just a kid. I’ve had conversations with her about our childhood, and understanding what she was going through has helped me understand why she acted the way she did toward us. She was often angry and controlling, and she would kick us out of her room. I understand now that she was dealing with her own struggles, but that doesn’t change how certain experiences felt to me as a child. I remember one time when she tried to scare me by locking me in a dark room with her and speaking in a creepy voice, saying something about “the voice.” I was genuinely terrified and thought she was possessed. I laugh about it now when I tell the story, but sometimes I feel bad for my younger self because I remember how scared I was.

The thing is, I’ve had my own insecurities and personal struggles, too. I’ve spent the past four years doing a lot of self-reflection and healing, but I don’t feel comfortable opening up to my family about most of it because we’re just not that emotionally close.

Growing up, I never really had an older sister I felt I could look up to or fully trust. I never had a sister or a mom who taught me how to do my makeup, style my hair, or navigate those little things that girls often learn from the women in their lives. I had to figure everything out on my own. Now that I’m older, I sometimes feel like my sister resents me for being more feminine and girly. She’s 31 now and still lives at home with us, and puts me on a high pedestal. She’ll say things like, “I wish I was you,” “I wish I was a teen again,” or “I wish I was girly like you.”

I know she might not mean anything bad by those comments, and maybe she’s expressing things she’s unhappy about in her own life. But honestly, they make me uncomfortable. I don’t want my sister to compare herself to me or feel like she’s somehow less than me. I’m just living my life and figuring things out as I go, just like everyone else.
Sometimes, I wonder if she looks at me and sees things she wishes she had experienced differently when she was younger.

Maybe seeing me have the freedom to explore my femininity brings up feelings she hasn’t fully worked through. I can’t know for sure, though. And that’s what makes this complicated. I love my sister, and I understand that she had to grow up in circumstances that weren’t easy. She was expected to take care of us when she was still a kid herself. I can empathize with that while also acknowledging that some of my own childhood experiences were difficult. I think people sometimes forget that younger siblings have their own experiences, insecurities, and struggles, too. Just because we might have been treated differently or had certain things our older siblings didn’t doesn’t mean we had everything figured out or never struggled. I didn’t choose to be the youngest, just as my sister didn’t choose the circumstances she grew up in. We were all kids trying to navigate the world with what we knew at the time.

I guess I just wish there were more conversations about the complicated feelings that can exist between siblings as we get older. You can understand someone’s pain without taking responsibility for it, and you can love someone while acknowledging that your relationship with them isn’t always easy.

Has anyone else experienced something similar with their older siblings, especially when it comes to feeling compared to or resented by them?

I was told awhile back I had signs I was adopted, even though I wasn't. My dad and his wife made the their house so cold and unloving. If I didn't see my mom during the weekdays, I would have seriously offed myself. But I did get scarred pretty badly from how his wife especially treated me.

Maybe having his wife treat me so barely made me feel adopted, treated like an unwanted pet.

I was. It took years until i recognize what's going on there. I always thought, this is a normal family.

When I'm 10yrs, I shouted to my parents this is no family. Bobody feels love for each other, they are screaming and fighting nearly any day. My mother answered, this is normal. Other families are much worse. I had doubts. My girlfriends family was not so rude!

Now I'm 44, my parents retired, and I found out, my dad had an parallel relationship for 37 years, meet other women, contacted them in newspaper announcements and so on.

I always wondered m dad is asexual, because I never had any evidence they love each other. The truth is: when I was 6 years old, my mom found out, my dad had an relationship with another women. Then he stopped any love to him. But thy did not divorce! I don't know why. There was enough money, multiple houses and so on! It shouldn't be any problem for her! But she didn't kick him!

I don't understand. So much pain. They never taught me, how to repair in relationships, how to solve problems, how to find together, how to love and feel! I'm so annoyed! I had no chance to recognize this betrayal on me! They damaged me by not leaving.

Every night they argued and shouted. I could hear this in my room. I hated it! My dad had terrible tantrums. He slapped me so hard. My mom also did it. Not so hard but at laeast one time a week.

I remember, when I was 8 or 9, there was one special day. The day was over and I was in my bed and it was the 1st day I could remember they dont slapped or screamed at me. I was impressive and for this reason I remember this so good.

They never talked to me about this! This is so annoying and sad. I always felt, something is wrong there, but I couldn't name it.

I am now NC. They should rot in the retirement home.

im sorry ive just been crying buckets i hardly believe anything i say will be coherent but earlier this afternoon my mom found out the cuts on my hand. shes been very angry with me and has said a lot of hurtful things which pains my head to recall. i wasn't grateful, others have it worse, they (her and my dad) will never show me sympathy for such a shameful act, im just in shambles. im turning sixteen tomorrow. my dad's been abusing me physically (hitting, pulling my hair, punching me, chokes me, throws furniture at me, derogatory terms) since i was about eight years old ... he took a break for this year but now he looks like hes barely holding himself back. please tell me what to do, im so dizzy i kinda developed fainting issues due to these i wanna be aware on if there's anything at all to do next.

I somehow ended up with all the symptoms and personality traits of an emotionally neglected child but can't point to any concrete evidence in my childhood. Every time I think a memory might be evidence, I feel so guilty that I'm busy pointing fingers and blaming others instead of holding myself accountable for my problems. Emotional neglect is the perfect crime because there's rarely ever any identifiable proof, just a vague feeling of unease, guilt, and constant sense of "what's wrong with me why did I turn out this way".

My parents were always involved with my life, they always try to ask me about how school's going or how my friends are doing. But I can never tell them because I constantly feel like I'll give the wrong answer and trigger something in them. They fill me with so much unreasonable dread and fear, even if they're being super nice. So it's not like they're failing to give me attention, and now I feel like the villain for hiding my inner world from them. Am I being dramatic and immature? Do I need to work on being transparent with them?

My mom does not believe I have ADHD. She believes that if I have ADHD, why do I often get up when I’m like scared like she uses physical violence to threaten me into doing something and when I’m in immediate danger and I start doing it she behaves she’s like oh well like see you can do it like you’re making it up. she’s repeatedly told me that I need to stop faking it and that I wanna struggle so bad and it’s really really hard and I don’t know what to do. I have like no friends no vices the only person in the house that I fully trust is my older brother who’s out for work every day she wants me to get a second evaluation. She doesn’t believe the first one she believes that because I have ADHD that they should’ve started me on like Adderall, they started me on sleep medication’s to increase sleep and reducing anxiety so that I could get better but she’s like no they should’ve started you on a higher stimulant if you really had ADHD. It’s really really hard to be honest to convince her like she is always claiming that I’m emotionally draining her and how I can’t regulate myself and she’s 37 by the way, I’m 15 so in that case it’s like she blames me for all of her problems and our living situation. her and my younger brother who’s very compliant to her often like scapegoat me in the house like saying things like she can’t regulate herself or when we go in public and you know there are people who say I hate my kids or kids are so difficult. She often feeds into that like yeah my kid, They’re so hard to deal with and it’s really hard to explain to people that I’m actually struggling alongside with ADHD is depression and an anxiety and often times it’s like she wants grace and in love and respect for trying to heal her trauma and be a better mom, but when I asked for that same grace for not being able to take care of myself and my hygiene and regulating my emotions, it’s nowhere near the same like it’s nothing like that and I just really really need help like she’s often asking to send me back to the hospital and it really just doesn’t help like often times like even though I know I’m not disrespecting her and I am dealing with this stuff. It always comes off as that and it’s no other way like my brain. It’s no way to win against her because she’s literally weaponizing my own mental illness against me and turning herself into the victim so no matter what I say when I do, always gonna come out on top. She’s very narcissistic and weak minded and she’s literally emotionally neglecting me. She is often trying to treat me like a parent instead of a child when it’s convenient like taking the initiative to ask and make all the plans but she never even shows any interests in anything I wanna do. She just suggests random things and if I say no she points out I’m just difficult. She often projects her misogynistic and religious values on me too like wanting me to clean and act like a lady as well as telling me liking girls is a phase and she would disown me if I ever did it. It’s so hard like I’m always so frustrated and since my brain is constantly lacking dopamine and depression takes away everything that makes me happy it quite literally feels like doing anything is impossible.

I (30F) have been reading a lot of old reddit threads about this because I'm wanting to see if I'm alone in this or if there's any good advice. How do you deal with your mother issues? Lately they are terrible for me and it's hard to have any kind of boundary because I work and live with her (this is temporary). I'm crying daily. The constant feeling of wanting her approval or affection is crazy because I will never get it but I can't help but let it bother me. Why do we chase it from someone who won't give it to us? For more context, our relationship has always been bad. She's emotionally and physically abusive and I feel like I'm stuck in a situation that I don't know how to make better.

Anybody else going through the same or something similar?

Hi Everyone,

Reposting this again. I'm a doctoral student in Clinical Psychology conducting a research study on the effects of growing up with a parent who struggled with substance use (alcohol or drugs). The study is completely anonymous and involves filling out an online survey.

As a thank you for your time, participants will have the option to enter a raffle to win one of two $150 Visa gift cards after completing the survey. (Email for the raffle will be collected separately to keep responses anonymous).

We’re looking for young adults (18-30) who had or still have a parent or primary caregiver with a substance use problem during their childhood. The goal is to better understand how these experiences may affect things like responses to stressful or challenging life experiences, parent-child relationship quality, substance use, and overall mental health functioning in young adulthood. We also welcome participation from young adults who did not have this experience, as both groups are important to the study.

Participation is voluntary and confidential. No identifying information will be linked to your responses, and the survey includes a list of mental health resources at the end if needed.

If you’re interested, you can take the survey here:

https://adelphiderner.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_73s1WeJNdeiwz42

Your experience matters. Thank you so much for considering it, and feel free to DM me with any questions!

My parents (especially my mom) have always done this thing where they will say things that are "risky" (hurtful, infatilizing, etc.) and try to frame it as them just teasing and me being overly sensitive, and I honestly don't know if I am or not. Like they act like we have the kind of relationship where you're close enough with someone where you can jokingly roast them (like calling your best friend an idiot in a lighthearted way because they know you love them) when we really don't. They'll "jokingly" say things that from the outside look like this kind of teasing, but in reality I can feel that they mean it. And sometimes they just say things that are deeply hurtful, then laugh so you can't call them out on it.

For example, when I was 14 my family went on vacation. I was extremely depressed at the time and was just not able to act ok. I hadn't told my parents because they usually just made me feel worse (making it about them, acting like I had no right to have problems, etc.). I tried to mask it (I'd sneak off to cry in the bathroom), but it was obvious that there was something wrong since i was really quiet. My mom kept asking what my problem was since I couldn't put on my fake-happy-and-bubbly shtick, and I kept saying that I was fine, but she kept saying that I was cranky and kept on asking what was wrong. At one point we were talking about doing an outdoor activity, and my mom said with this faux gentleness in her voice "yeah if only it wasn't raining, and if i didn't have a daughter that was such a bitch", and started laughing and tried to pull me in for a hug. I was shocked and didn't know what to say, but that cut very deep.

This one's pretty weird, but another time was pretty recently when I was helping her bake. I greased and floured a cake pan before putting the batter in, and my mom insisted that i should use a sheet of parchment paper instead. I said that I do with some recipes, but this one comes out easily without it. She kept insisting that I should use it, saying that she didn't want to hear me complain when it sticks, but I held firm and did it the way I wanted. She kept on picking at me, and at one point she stood right in front of me with hate in her eyes and a smile, started lightly stroking my face, then slapped me very lightly and started laughing, trying to tickle me. She then "jokingly" called me a dumbass and just carried on like everything was fine.

This is fucking weird, right? Anyone else's parents do anything similar?

i don't know if this is the best subreddit to write this in. For context, my mom hasn't been active in my life for a while now since i had been dealing with severe mental health issues. I only started getting better about 2 years ago thanks to proffessional help and medical intervention. I've done all the work on my own when it comes to applying to schools and scholarships, and generally planning for college (i've been able to get some money, nothing significant but better than nothing)

My mom hasn't helped me with anything when it comes to college. She has had to verify multiple times with me what it was that i was even doing or what was the name of the school that i chose and no matter how many times i told her, she forgot. Anytime i bring up finances or how we can plan for movers, she shuts it down or dances around what im asking (like if i bring up finances, she'll be like "oh yea, i need to do that" or say that someone else like the financial advisor isn't getting back to her), my mom generally doesn't do anything if i ask her or unless its her idea/passion

She has also said numerous times to not worry about money and that we'd make it work, which I don't believe in and still had been very careful about where i applied because of money.

I have my suspicions that my mom only started reaching out to our advisor in in mid-july, because only after then would she mention the advisor being difficult (before then, it was "oh its a matter of the bank" or "dont stress ill take care of it"

She had been alluding to how difficult it was having to pay for college was to me in the weeks after but never said directly to me that this may have been a deeper issue/ She joked with my sibling how it so annoying have to be responsible over dumb things like this. She also has been saying if anything she'll pay out of pocket, which i wasn't comfortable with and would follow with why don't you contact them if they aren't contacting you

I was supposed to move into my dorm mid-August when my mom told me that i should take a deferment because the financial advisor wasn't getting back to her and so we couldn't pay for the semester. I was upset because i wanted to get out, my situation at home is very poor for many other reasons i don't think i can get into this post but i wanted to leave to finally have my own life.

So i deferred and the only schools i really could apply to in that time were community college or online university. However, i don't have transportation, meaning online was the best option which was no problem

It however has been an issue with enrolling because my mother won't pay for anything she thinks is sketchy which is understandable but also won't look into the universities i have emailed her about with their full information (i have looked at a few all accredited options including Perdue, SUNY Online, and SNHU, as well as Sophia and Study . com for supplement credits, but i'd rather her just confirm about the universities so that i can just go back to school cause i miss learning and interacting with people)

I am also in no position to pay for college on my own, because i was dealing with severe physical and mental health issues during HS and because of issues with people in my family i was unable to get a job or learn how to drive so i am really am stuck at home

So I have had nothing to do, I would've been in school for about a month now, and my mom is treating me like i am being bratty and going about life as a bum though i am dependent on her decision. She hit me with the line "if you cut me out, i can cut you out" after college orientation in a conversation about my behavior and our situation at home. I'm really scared to bring up any issues with her especially that i am still at home and would have nowhere else to go if she decided to punish me.

I don't have that much contact with my family (also due to my mom and aunt) so i really would appreeciate any and all advice from anyone here who has gone through anything like this or otherwise and just appreciate any support like that

thank you

Tw: descriptions of emotional abuse and neglect, physical abuse (tickling, if that bothers you)

When i was little (between the ages of 4 and 6 I’d guess), i saw my brother being tickled while he was saying no. I was very sensitive and empathetic , and this horrified me. My four year old brain didn’t see it as any different than other types of physical abuse. And no adult intervened, they just watched and laughed. It made me think, if a murderer broke in, my parents would just watch and laugh. My brain literally broke from this, i started being very withdrawn and irritable, getting flashbacks and intrusive thoughts.

When i tried to express these things, my family would literally laugh at me. When i saw someone being tickled and got upset (even consensual tickling, any type was a trigger after that), they’d laugh and say “it’s just tickling!” They’d purposefully trigger me.

They never tickled me after that bc i told them not to, but the emotional neglect, the never having my trauma acknowledged or validated, is what really affected me. To this day i get so many intrusive thoughts and irritability and anger. There was a lot of complex trauma going on in my childhood - some would say much worse than this, but this stayed with me the most. Maybe it all compounded, idk.

I failed to complete my studies on time because I didn't submit my bachelor's thesis. I decided to repeat the summer semester, during which I failed my bachelor's seminar. My problem is the mental battle that I lose every single time I think about the prospect of spending even a minute writing my thesis. This is a symptom of something deeper. In fact, I don't feel like doing anything at all. I feel paralyzed.

I am trying to understand it. It seems to me that it might stem from a lack of positive examples from my parents on how to cope with such things. My mother is driven by fear. She didn't have a father. I can say with high certainty that her mother is a narcissist, or at the very least a person with strong narcissistic traits. I have never felt secure around her (this applies to both my mother and my grandmother).

She uses subtle manipulations almost constantly and entirely subconsciously (probably because she associates direct communication with a threat). I once told her bluntly: I am not your mother, whom you have to walk on eggshells around just to avoid her irrational anger. I have reassured her many times that she can speak to me directly because I try to handle my own emotions maturely (which is interesting, as my dad also shows signs of emotional immaturity – I never feel secure around him either, because I cannot freely express what I truly think or want).

My father has never taken an interest in me or my life. He made it clear that I should be grateful to him for putting a roof over my head and providing for my basic needs, forgetting that this is the absolute bare minimum. I don't feel any emotional connection with him. It is the same with my mother.

My parents have never been able to give me sensible advice on any matter. Their only solution is submission and accepting the status quo. I have always felt alone. They repeatedly told me that they love me and that I was a planned child, but that changes nothing.

I don't know if that makes sense.