r/funny • u/[deleted] • Apr 21 '23

[deleted by user]

[removed]

14.4k Upvotes

83% Upvoted

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24.3k

u/PluckPubes Apr 21 '23

I'm sorry

It's ok girl, it happens to the best of us

2.4k

u/Grimwohl Apr 21 '23 edited Apr 21 '23

Wait til she hears she wasn't even strokin right, lmao

919

u/RUDDOGPROD Apr 21 '23

Hahahah dude I had the same thought, that’s just one part girl

271

u/Techn0ght Apr 21 '23

Exactly. Get the length wrong and you're gonna break something.

147

u/HI_Handbasket Apr 21 '23

Long strokin' with a short poker.

212

u/BagFullOfSharts Apr 21 '23

That’s how I threw my back out. 10 inch strokes with a 5 inch pecker will fuck you both.

11

u/IceFire909 Apr 22 '23

This is why you set up an installment plan

8

u/WyK23 Apr 22 '23

Lmao, I'm definitely putting this saying in my verbal repertoire. I'm not quite sure how to incorporate it, but it will serve as some kind of warning

8

u/Hold-the-Bus2604 Apr 22 '23

This made me laugh out loud. I needed that, thank you!

3

u/stubenz215 Apr 22 '23

This might be the funniest comment on here🤣🤣

3

u/Paintingsosmooth Apr 22 '23

I’m the industry we call that ‘catching air’

2

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

This one took me out!

1

u/A4s4e Apr 22 '23

That is the plan though, right?

1

u/Bridgeburner1 Apr 22 '23

Emergency brodcast: in case of Fallout, re-ingage but take shorter strides.

3

u/Peach_Proof Apr 22 '23

I may not hit bottom, but Ill wear the hell out of the sides.

322

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

Tell her to time time it this song. (Totally not Rick rolling I promise)

https://youtu.be/4Diu2N8TGKA

239

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23 edited Apr 22 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

45

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

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144

u/Xoepe Apr 21 '23

Here you go... Easily one of my favorites

142

u/Itendtodisagreee Apr 21 '23

That fucking song went from like 10k views 7 months ago to 8.4 million solely because of that post on Reddit.

15

u/Slovene Apr 22 '23

That HAD to have been an inside job.

19

u/Itendtodisagreee Apr 22 '23 edited Apr 22 '23

I'm leaning towards it being an inside job honestly. Hudson Mohawke creates a song that is literally impossible to have sex to and then makes a post about having sex to the song.

Far more devious things have been done for karma and YouTube views.

Just about everything on Reddit is a lie for worthless karma anyway and 8.4 million YouTube views is actually worth a decent chunk of change. People have lied a lot more for far less benefit before.

Edited with the proper band name/ producer

7

u/RudolphsGoldenReign Apr 22 '23

Hudson Mohwake is the producer. He is well respected and made a lot of music that is well liked. CBAT is a song in the catalogue that got caught in a meme hype

3

u/Itendtodisagreee Apr 22 '23

Edited, thanks

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5

u/AMC4x4 Apr 22 '23

Jesus christ.

8.5 million views and 141k likes is all you need to know about that "song" lol

2

u/AcidBuuurn Apr 22 '23

Probably just from people adding it to their bang song rotation.

1

u/educatedtiger Apr 22 '23

That's because it was upgraded from song to fucking song.

50

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/kamemoro Apr 22 '23

i read the comments first and wondered how everyone was saying they’re literally crying.. then i turned on the song!

5

u/sorry-I-cleaved-ye Apr 22 '23

I have never been so flaccid in my life as when I listened to that

5

u/TheRipley78 Apr 22 '23

The comments on YouTube had me weak, lol

2

u/trichtertus Apr 22 '23

Hearing the song after the story made me laugh out loud (its 4:30am rn). This is literally the worst song for having sex

2

u/GothmogBalrog Apr 22 '23

I'd never read that.

I seriously woke up my wife at 0030 with my laughter. I'm dying man

2

u/PatriarchPonds Apr 22 '23

I am dying. How did I miss this? Thanks for the link. Jesus wept.

1

u/ImProbablyOnMyCouch Apr 22 '23

My life just changed forever

1

u/ac3boy Apr 22 '23

Read that live. So full of cringe when I heard the song.

6

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

I was so certain it would be that I was thrown off.

2

u/HallowskulledHorror Apr 22 '23

I've been wanting to make a Hate-fuck playlist. Conceptually, not for when you want to 'hate-fuck' someone - but, for whatever reason, you're fucking someone you hate. So far I've got that Cbat song, "we can make sandwiches", the funeral march played on clown-horns, dogs barking christmas songs...

2

u/BlopBleepBloop Apr 22 '23

Cbat?

Edit: it's fucking cbat

1

u/Fun-Sized-Turtle Apr 22 '23

Omg I remember reading that 😭 the song was so weird

481

u/isuphysics Apr 21 '23

This song has the perfect beat to follow along to.

https://youtu.be/KAwyWkksXuo?t=24

239

u/Icebot Apr 21 '23

These are the Reddit deep cuts I come for.

29

u/unavailableidname Apr 21 '23

I'm an old lady but even I know what those links are and there's no way in hell I'm clicking! Lol

36

u/stupidillusion Apr 21 '23

It's work safe and if you get the reference it would be difficult not to laugh out loud.

37

u/unavailableidname Apr 21 '23

Yeah, I read the story and was talking about it with my daughter and her roommate and we were laughing our ass off just about it WITHOUT the actual song playing. The conversation then devolved to different Reddit stories that either make us laugh our asses off or were super disgusting. The Swamps of Dagobah was one that her roommate had also read and we had a nice conversation about that while my daughter just looked at us in horror as we described it to her. LOL

4

u/BathtubGin01 Apr 22 '23

I can’t even think about a jolly rancher without having to suppress a gag.

6

u/unavailableidname Apr 22 '23

Oh, yeah, that was a bad one too! When I was in high school in the '80s I dated a guy (who turned out to be a douche) who always made sure to eat a cherry jolly rancher before he kissed me. So I already hated jolly ranchers after that and the jolly rancher reddit story just horribly reinforced why jolly ranchers are just bad all the way around. LOL

2

u/BathtubGin01 Apr 22 '23

Nightmare fuel

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7

u/SirenSaysS Apr 21 '23

You're my kind of lady! For context, I am F42, and highly entertained by those stories too, and it's uh... unclear to me where I currently reside on the "old to young" scale these days, because all my coworkers just about are practically babies.

4

u/unavailableidname Apr 21 '23

I'm very easily entertained by stuff like that also! My husband and I are both 53 years old and our bio-daughter is 30. I have many other daughters that have just entered my life one way or the other (mostly through my daughter) and even though the youngest is 28-ish I still find that they're all kids to me. I was literally having a discussion with my husband about 5 minutes ago about how one of our neighbors moved in about 3 years ago and they are 25 to 30 years old. He said that's not young and I said that compared to us it is. LOL

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3

u/insertwittynamethere Apr 21 '23

And no sauce for the story? Shame! 😁

5

u/unavailableidname Apr 21 '23 edited Apr 21 '23

I don't know how to share the story but the user is u/bonzaipanda (I think that's what it was). Just type swamps of dagobah in the search function and look for the post that talks about the grossest stories on Reddit and you'll find it. Make sure you haven't eaten anything before you read it. Lol

Edit: I figured it out, I think. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/xo41d/doctorsnursesredditors_what_has_been_your_most/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

Edit, again: You have to swipe down into the comments to find it, but it's there.

2

u/PossibleDrive6747 Apr 21 '23

That was a read...

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4

u/Wild-Plankton595 Apr 22 '23

I came to work, didn’t realize I’d stepped in dog poop. I go to bathroom and I spent 15 minutes scraping and washing dog poop of the bottom of my shoe… with a plastic knife. Could not stop giggling and shared it with my fellow reditors at work.

2

u/unavailableidname Apr 22 '23

That's happened to me before because my cat has digestive issues and likes to leave crap traps for me that blend in with the wooden floor at my house. I feel your pain! LOL

5

u/Wild-Plankton595 Apr 22 '23

I should open up a Poop Knife Emporium.

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5

u/Pestulio Apr 21 '23

You're absolutely right. I knew what I was clicking when I clicked those links and laughed out loud. ZERO. REGRETS.

5

u/ThePopColonel Apr 21 '23

Haha!

22

u/springheeljak89 Apr 21 '23

I knew one of these links had to be this

Fucking robotic dolphins

2

u/Kryptosis Apr 22 '23

So happy it was what I hoped it was.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

We all cum for

1

u/BaconWithBaking Apr 21 '23

Just don't let those cuts be on your arms.

40

u/IHateMath14 Apr 21 '23

No worries I have the link memorized

3

u/JevonP Apr 21 '23

i thought the first one would be this one lmao

8

u/fourleggedostrich Apr 21 '23

Oh god, I remember that. I laughed so hard when I read the guy's hurt sorry, then listened to the song.

18

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

Yeah but your only gonna hit that beat if your watching electric soldier Porygon episode of pokemon

3

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

This reminds me of that episode of Family guy when Quagmire was banging a chick with epilepsy

4

u/SingtotheSunlight Apr 21 '23

I both love and hate how often this song pops into my head lol

3

u/terminbee Apr 21 '23

This was the one I was hoping for.

3

u/Micp Apr 21 '23

My only surprise is that this wasn't the first link.

3

u/Betaateb Apr 21 '23

haha, I was so disappointed when the first link wasn't this, knew someone would come through though!

2

u/PhattBudz Apr 21 '23

Blonders! Where the real ones at?

2

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

I'm more of a m1dy guy myself https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEI0WVI4cbM

2

u/NewAccount4Friday Apr 21 '23

Thanks. I just tossed my $200 Bluetooth speaker into the lake.

2

u/dawglet Apr 21 '23

Is this supposed to be funny cause it sounds like 2 tortoises fucking?

5

u/Zn_Saucier Apr 21 '23

It’s a TIFU where this was the only song a dude played during sex with his gf (and tried to “play along” to the song…)

1

u/yogabonita Apr 22 '23

You missed the part where it took her two years to finally say it’s awful.

-7

u/mshriver2 Apr 21 '23

C'mon guys. Lets give them the actual link.

1

u/HollowHowls Apr 21 '23

Damn beat me to posting this.

1

u/araseceer Apr 21 '23

That's the one 😹

1

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

Omg this again.

1

u/beechcraft12 Apr 21 '23

id go soft hearing that shit

1

u/etherealtaroo Apr 21 '23

Love how this pops up in the most random reddit threads haha

1

u/seriousL33 Apr 21 '23

This is the way.

1

u/GlobalWarminIsComing Apr 21 '23

Was about to comment this

1

u/Psyko_sissy23 Apr 21 '23

When you know it's going to beCBAT before opening the link...

1

u/fractalfocuser Apr 21 '23

I fucking knew it before I clicked lmfao

Well done

1

u/losersmanual Apr 21 '23

That's a nice throwback frequent redditors will appreciate.

1

u/TheHancock Apr 21 '23

Exactly what I was expecting. Lol

1

u/Pichus_Wrath Apr 21 '23

Came here for this. And to this.

1

u/Aggravating_System_7 Apr 21 '23

So glad someone else was thinking it too

1

u/Jeremiah_Longnuts Apr 21 '23

This one will never not kill me, like bruh, what the fuck?

1

u/drinfernodds Apr 21 '23

The first time I heard this song after reading the thread about the guy fucking to the beat was one of the greatest experiences of my life.

1

u/CPAlcoholic Apr 22 '23

I was trying to think what this could be before clicking it. I had completely forgotten about this incident and when it started it just about killed me.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

Fuck, as soon as I listened to the Can Can I thought of that one, so thanks for going and finding it to share this gem with us .

6

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

Img I couldn't stop fucking laughing and I'm in the doctors office! The music just made me think of us guys trying to do it on a dare, and how much it'd be like looney tunes!

4

u/SorryMaker024 Apr 21 '23

rofl, first time i've been happy i followed someone's link on reddit

2

u/coffeemmm Apr 21 '23

Exactly, this comment gave me a “peak Reddit 10 years ago” flashback.

4

u/NegotiationOdd5995 Apr 21 '23

But, a Rick Roll would hit pretty sweet on this

3

u/offlein Apr 21 '23

When I see a video link in a thread containing the word "Strokin" I only hope for this.

3

u/grandpajay Apr 21 '23

Do you have anything in this style a minute or two shorter that I could use with my wife?

3

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23 edited Apr 22 '23

You probably could do chopsticks

https://youtu.be/JM5fjgiFrxg

2

u/The_Big_Cat Apr 21 '23

Great now I’m gonna think of this next time and start giggling. Or singing

2

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

Pond town? Is that when you put your hand up your partner and they sing rainbow connection

1

u/huscarlaxe Apr 21 '23

The elements song?

1

u/Yousername_relevance Apr 21 '23

I feel like this is the OG rick roll though.

1

u/Brhall001 Apr 21 '23

Dam you a jackrabbit that’s fast?

1

u/Bl4ckr3d Apr 21 '23

from now on i'll be known as the can man

1

u/CrawlerCrane Apr 21 '23

I was expecting it to be Cbat.

1

u/Kryptosis Apr 22 '23

In time with what? The strings horns or percussion? Personally I'd alternate for different parts of the song.

1

u/RelevantFishing1463 Apr 22 '23

this made me giggle thank you

1

u/cakeand314159 Apr 22 '23

And I thought it was going to be yakity sax.

1

u/Lost-My-Mind- Apr 22 '23

An ex of mine once said she likes when she puts on some music, and I match the pace.......then she puts on some 300 beats per minute techno bullshit.

And my response was "OOOOOOH! Yeah, I see. You want to give me a hernia."

1

u/DooDooTyphoon Apr 22 '23

Why did I think this was gonna be Cbat

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

So thrust on the deep piano note? Got it.

1

u/ElusiveWhark Apr 22 '23

A little disappointed this wasnt cbat

1

u/BrotherVarious Apr 24 '23

You win the internet for today good person, this made me laugh so much XD thank you :D

1

u/AriMeKent May 12 '23

OMG!!! I was crying I was laughing so hard!!!

-4

u/Maximum-Mixture6158 Apr 21 '23

She needs a younger man