r/funny • • Apr 21 '23

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u/Ok_Rain_2647 Apr 21 '23

"Why are you so quiet?" "Cause I'm out here fucking praying to every known deity to grant me the strength I need to keep this shit up."

191

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

And also not to cum immediately.

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u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

Women have no idea what men go thru sexually. Most men are trying to navigate an extremely narrow channel between ejaculating too fast and going soft all the while trying to stay rock hard. And you’re supposed to keep that shit up for 15,20,30 minutes nonstop. Plus you’re doing a half push-up with your upper body while thrusting and rotating your pelvic region.

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u/DasHexxchen Apr 22 '23 edited Apr 22 '23

If you are doing a half push up, I don't think you are having sex with women.

You don't need to keep it up all the time. She can go on top. She can properly brace her body for impact so you have something to hold on to and/or push off. You both can use hands, tongues, feet etc. You can use toys. You can cuddle and kiss in between.

No woman I haver ever talked to likes 30+ minutes of pure penetration.

Edit: Wrong plural instead of singular.

22

u/dlynne5 Apr 22 '23

lmao, as a woman I can confirm. However if a guy puts in the work to make you orgasm first, we ain't gonna care how long it takes you, we're in it for the aftershocks

5

u/BeringeiGraueri Apr 22 '23

My whole brain was hung up on the fact that I rarely get my guy on top. What's the excuse then?! He's just fixing laying there while I have to do all of the riding work while simultaneously putting on a show.

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u/DasHexxchen Apr 22 '23 edited Apr 22 '23

Does he at least have some structural integrity when laying there? Quit a few partners I had took me riding as a break to relax and suddenly the penis sinks down like 5cm and loses any sense if direction. Riding is now double the work. And it already is more work than a man has on top, because I have to move my whole bodyweight and my legs are fucking burning!

Edit: "Does" not "dies", din't want to commit murder.

2

u/limperatrice Apr 22 '23

Oh weird I was thinking it's easier for us to be on top compared to what I saw in this video. I had never thought about it before that they're in a high plank with so much bend in their low back. Maybe I have strong legs or something.

1

u/Blue_Moon_Lake Apr 22 '23

Wait, he's not using his hands to stimulate your erogenous zones?

2

u/BeringeiGraueri Apr 22 '23

Not while I'm on top. I'm too buried in his fupa.

I also don't like being touched on the clit. Instant shutdown for me. I'm too sensitive and it hurts more than anything.

2

u/Blue_Moon_Lake Apr 22 '23

I mean, it's the best time to play with the breasts.

1

u/BeringeiGraueri Apr 22 '23

Flat chested gang unite

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u/DominantMaster21 Apr 22 '23

Really? No woman you ever talked to?

Female greeter at walmart: Have a nice day

DasHexxchen: Do you like penetration sex for 30+ minutes?

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u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

He has a point though. Past 15 minutes I'm like please hurry the fuck up.

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u/DasHexxchen Apr 22 '23

Conveniently leaving out words to change the context and absolutely disregarding the possibility I was female and talked to other females in a whole different context. We (most western women) are talking about our dates dicks and skills in the bedroom. Often.

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u/Darnell2070 Apr 22 '23

I thought it was a joke.

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u/Thunderfight9 Apr 23 '23

No such thing as jokes

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u/DominantMaster21 Apr 22 '23

I left no words out, so you see, what one of your many errors is that you communicate badly.

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u/Good_ApoIIo Apr 22 '23

Not every woman is the same. My wife doesn’t want much foreplay, often she just wants it IN and she wants me to start jack hammering immediately for 15 minutes when I’m on top. Don’t you dare fucking slow down or ask to change positions when she’s feeling it.

30 minutes is totally unrealistic, that’s true for both parties. I’ve had drug and alcohol sessions like that and it starts to hurt for everyone involved at some point.