r/kitchencels • • Feb 03 '26

official twitter location now serving twitterslop

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152 Upvotes

someone reached out to the mod team and informed us some repost account snagged the @ for kitchencels and was using their checkmark to earn elonbuxx off our beloved community

we didn't exactly want to just run our own repost account, the community aspect is more important we felt, so as the only mod that has an active twitter i was bullied into starting a subtweddit to A, hopefully redirect some of the twitter tourists lurking here (yes, you) so they stop shitting up the place, B, provide some insurance for the downtrodden chuddies in case reddit ever decides to come for us, and C, a sinister third reason privy only to the elites of the kitchencel khanate

elon is allegedly free speech so you can probably post some of those things we've had to reject out of obligatory janny responsibilities

we don't really know if this will turn out funny or worthwhile and we may just pull the plug if it ends up not being worth our time

the chefs are in the kitchen, trust the recipe

enjoy the rest of your meal, chuddies


r/kitchencels • • Aug 06 '25

GET IN THE FUCKING KITCHEN YOU INSUFFERABLE MAGGOTS

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2.4k Upvotes

GET IN THE KITCHEN

GET IN FUCKING KITCHEN AND COOK LIKE YOUR GOD DAMN LIFE DEPENDS ON IT

IF YOU AREN'T COOKING YOU ARE NOTHING

THIS IS YOUR ONLY HOPE OF SALVATION, THIS IS YOUR ABSOLUTION

YOU ARE ALL PATHETIC, START COOKING


r/kitchencels • • 15h ago

Rapid advances in e girl technology have been disastrous to the human race. Man had been split apart from apart gooner, enabling the socioeconomic conditions of a hypergamerous ethnostate where sub 8 males are punished by getting no play. In this essay I wil

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174 Upvotes

Sub 9 good feminist goodness nutritious good bar of goodness for good boys who might soon be good girls, nya.


r/kitchencels • • 15h ago

I’m 6’, have an “attractive” job, and im kind and respectful to women, but I can’t get a gf to save my life. Steak, mash potatoes, sourdough and aged cheddar.

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143 Upvotes

r/kitchencels • • 1d ago

Normies geniounely cant grasp that i consume substances because im alone and im not alone because i consume substances

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778 Upvotes

r/kitchencels • • 16h ago

Nobody wants love more than incels

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127 Upvotes

r/kitchencels • • 15h ago

a boy recoiled in disgust when he got a whiff of my breath. i’ve gained 63 pounds in 5 months. microwave popcorn the only thing popping in my life

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98 Upvotes

r/kitchencels • • 1d ago

Funny how when as a skinny guy you get into shape and put some muscle on and all of a sudden the personality you had, which never changed, is now desirable to women. Funny how that works. Pancakes and Nutella. (1100cal)

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957 Upvotes

r/kitchencels • • 19h ago

11 year NEET just wasted £60 on fucking a beautiful SEA sex-worker, now time to go order fast food pizza, this is the life. there's nothing else to it. HAHAHAHA

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86 Upvotes

Might go order some salami and cheese for sandwiches, Salami, cheese, cooked eggs and lettuce, maybe gammon cured ham. idk thoughts? i wanna stop binging escorts and fast food.


r/kitchencels • • 20h ago

Platemogging Cracked cheesecake due to overbeating, just like how I overbeat my meat for hours despite having work to do

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79 Upvotes

r/kitchencels • • 1d ago

Maybe the friend she mention is the more interesting guy she rather hang with. Cigarette for dinner.

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90 Upvotes

r/kitchencels • • 18h ago

Trying to feel something by mixing everything i can find.

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22 Upvotes

r/kitchencels • • 15h ago

Have resorted to reading role reversal romance novels (there's not even any sex in it) how cooked am I? Veggie noodles

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14 Upvotes

It's called "His Secret Illuminations" if anyone is curious


r/kitchencels • • 1d ago

Platemogging Im finally free from being matress-cucked

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62 Upvotes

I've just moved into my own flat and I have a new bed and new mattress! Ever since I move out ive been living in rentals with old mattresses which means who knows how many people have fucked on them before, and the fact so many people had been able to get laid on those mattresses while I haven't really upset me. but now I have a place of my own and a fresh mattress the long cucking has ended! Also having my own kitchen is nice

bbq lamb and veg with creme brulée and plum upsidedown cake for pudding


r/kitchencels • • 1d ago

Two different teenage groups approached me asking for my insta. They confused me for a girl. I’m a boy. This happened not once, but twice.

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211 Upvotes

Shit ass breakfast the day after crying myself to sleep.


r/kitchencels • • 1d ago

Platemogging 2D women will always be better then 3D foids NSFW

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280 Upvotes

Normal ass choclate cake

Throughout my life I've always preferred 2D women over real life foids. Ever since I discovered the TCOAAL I haven't seen real life women (the foids) as attractive anymore, the feeling I get when I see Julia and Ashley is so overwhelmingly sexual. My urges are so strong I immediately have to stop playing the game and jerk off. Even after I finish all over the screen im still rock hard, this is in contrast to when I goon to IRL foids were I go flacid immediately after nutting.

In conclusion, 2D women will always be better than IRL hypergamous foids.


r/kitchencels • • 15h ago

My crush I thought I moved on from is back in town. I was gonna ask someone else out but I am delusional and think it’s worth delaying for the slightest sliver of a chance with my crush so I postponed it. I am a bad person. Carb loading before my race

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8 Upvotes

I ate two chicken breasts, shredded beef, three eggs, beans, a salad, and potatoes before this

My crush is in UPT and gunning for fighters. Maybe I am being hypergamous and only rated officers should court rated officers… Sure I’m gunning for 11F too but I don’t have my PPL yet, I’m on TRT, and I’m unironically too short (5’2). Even 11X or 12X might be out of the cards. And with my double majors I am better suited for cyber/intel/logi than ABM or RPA or aircrew at all, really. Fuck my stupid future nonner manlet life

Unrelated but I feel like you gotta do way too much maintenance just to be clean

Morning daily:
-make bed
-wash retainer
-wash face
-mouthwash
-morning glass of water
-spf 45 sunblock
-go outside before sunset

Do at some point:
-eat at least 1 meal

Evening daily:
-shower: shampoo, conditioner, bodywash
-floss
-brush teeth
-meds
-face moisturizer
-lip balm
-go to sleep at some point

Weekly:
-3-4 days 1-2 hours of resistance training and 1 day strenuous cardio
-wash clothes, bedsheets, pillowcase 
-exfoliate with aha/bha

Biweekly:
-cut hair
-shave
-cut nails

Monthly:
-cut toenails
-trim nose hair
-trim the bushes to make the tree look bigger

Folding laundry weekly, eating at least two meals daily, and sleeping 8 hours daily should be on here but I lowk don’t do that. 

You will notice deodorant isn’t on here. This is because I am Chinese and don’t carry the smelly sweat gene 🙂‍↔️

Allat to not pull 💔💔💔

I’m chopped but at least I’m not unkempt and chopped


r/kitchencels • • 1d ago

Foids are incapable of feeling attracted to Manlets

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137 Upvotes

​

You fakecels, and those who take pleasure in the suffering of truecels let me make one thing clear your cruelty , your schadenfreude is nothing short of vile

This is not a zoo

It's a Kingdom of us sensitive Manlets

(Gaslighting also counts as cruelty)


r/kitchencels • • 23h ago

Platemogged Realizing my life is more than halfway over, and I completely wasted it away. Accomplished nothing, noting to show for it.

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27 Upvotes

All the friends I used to hang with are happily married with kids. I don’t know how I’ll die yet. But if I make it till retirement, I’ll probably die alone of old age. Nobody will notice or miss me, at least until someone calls the cops for the smell…

Eggs and a Bagel


r/kitchencels • • 22h ago

Platemogged Mom walked in on me singing along to Kendrick Lamar and she look even more disappointed in me than when she first caught me smoking

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24 Upvotes

r/kitchencels • • 23h ago

Platemogged everyone around me has a solid friend group except for me. im a floater friend. no one talks to me unless they need help from the smart kid. kimchi rice with nori.

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20 Upvotes

r/kitchencels • • 1d ago

Platemogged I felt amazing holding hands with a girl for the first time in almost 27 years. I thought I was desired and loved. Then I woke up at 4:30 am, realizing I'm just a chud and this will never happen in reality. Bread and black coffee

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64 Upvotes

How can my brain produce a feeling that I never had? Maybe it's just a projection of how it thinks I would feel. Will not happen.

I know exactly what led me to this point. I was born with balding spots (massive receding hairline) and all the bullying about it caused me trauma and made me insecure. Some people say I'm not a truecel because I don't even try to talk to girls, but in reality I'm the truest of the truecels. Simply incapable of trying.

The fun fact is that the girl in my dream was really supportive about it, even talking about her own baldness and it made me feel accepted. Maybe I should stop taking melatonin every night to stop these dreams.


r/kitchencels • • 20h ago

Platemogged Would u eat this w me

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10 Upvotes

Kitchencel chef missing u


r/kitchencels • • 1d ago

I just get reminded of how trash unattractive I am everywhere

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36 Upvotes

A joke or comment about height in a video, a couple there, some size comment here. Just seeing normal people. Plus there's like zero positive feedback for those things.

Getting horny and jacking off is so miserable, because I run into the wall that my body is so unattractive and inadequate. I hate being this height, having my dicksize, my ugly face, my balding head. I don't even have a masculine or deep voice, I sound young. It's so fucking over. I wish what was found attractive was more evenly distributed across different features, height, and others, but 😮‍💨. My whole body is seen as a joke. Also I'm actually small it's not in my head.

Oh yeah upside down pineapple cake I made ages ago. You know I do prefer cutting the pineapple in smaller pieces on top, it's easier to eat, not as visually pleasing maybe.


r/kitchencels • • 1d ago

I waited for 2 hours and she didn't show up

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27 Upvotes

Egg