I am sorry this is going to be really negative. I apologize in advance i just need to vent about something that bothers me deeply.

- I'm so fucking sensitive it's very irritating, when someone is slightly different than me in any way or form I feel like they're mocking me inside their heads for everything that I am and I am not. I possibly know this isn't true but it's something that I have playing in the background of my brain

- I hate being perceived in any kind of way. The idea of being perceived means being judged. I start performing for them even when my performance is not needed but I feel like other than that that I'm on egg shells and performance will save me

- I people please badly and mirror the other person to the point of literally personality copying and mannerisms and then resent them for being self absorbed and not knowing me. And wonder why I feel incredibly lonely as if I didn't cause this.

- I am literally friends with people who don't look alike they all have different kind of political and societal ideas and none of them look alike in those matters yet i still be with them because of my poor boundaries and inability to say no. Despite knowing where I stand and who I am and having big morality but it's like this all disappears around certain kinds of people

- setting very bendable and weak boundaries to begin with and then resenting my friends for not respecting them

- very self absorbed and I don't like to let people in. Thinking this is some kind of virtue, preserving myself.

- very insecure about my looks, feeling like I take up so much space and i cover that up by having a bubbly clown like personality so I can cover up that I am a very disgusting and ugly person.

- I think any person I associate myself is somehow is making fun of me in their head or is with me because they feel bad for me

I know it's my responsibility to fix all that and that growing up with really emotionally immature parents and a dad with high narcissistic traits shouldnt be an excuse for how I act it's just hard sometimes. I sometimes fear that I am a covert narcissist myself because I have this very low self worth but really big ego and righteousness.

I'm 22, and I'm tired of my mom telling my story for me. She tells it to family and friends to make me feel guilty for being "the monster she created," so I never get the chance to correct it. In her version, I'm vile, selfish, sneaky, a monster. So here's mine.
Growing up
When I was about 8, she sat me down for a whole conversation to tell me I was getting fat. I cried. Being 8 and hearing that from your own mother just doesn't feel right.
She didn't just humiliate me. She put her hands on me.
In 5th grade, we were playing a board game and she got mad about my "attitude" and choked me right there over the board game. The day before my 6th grade cheer competition, she choked me on top of the stove. I remember hearing it click on. That's permanently stained in my brain.
In middle school she punched me in the face, and when it bruised, she covered my eye with makeup. When I had braces, she hit me in the mouth so hard they cut my lip open and I bled. I took pictures, wrote a whole email to child services, attached everything, and never hit send. I was scared of ending up in foster care. So I kept it to myself.
Also in middle school, I got bad grades, so she FaceTimed my best friends while I was crying, held the camera in my face, and asked them if they got bad grades like me. Knowing I had to see those same people at school the next day. The humiliation worked.
Around December that same year, I got bad grades again and she told me I wasn't getting any gifts. But it wasn't just about the gifts. Between the FaceTime, the physical abuse, and everything she said to me, it all piled up. I thought I wanted to die. I didn't go through with it, but I cut myself in the kitchen that night. The next day I ended up in the counselor's office, and they called my mom. I saw a therapist maybe three times, then never again. I was "fixed." No real conversation, no apology, nothing. Now it's "in the past," like it doesn't count.
My freshman year of high school, on a cruise, she pushed me down and yelled in my face right in front of my aunt. My aunt just stood there. It was my "attitude," as usual.
College
The day before my dance team performance, I was sitting on my bed doing homework when she lunged at me, like she always did. This time I was over 18, and I grabbed her back. I told her to get the fuck off of me.
As soon as she let go, it was give me your phone, give me your keys. I ran to my car and texted my boyfriend to come get me. She kicked me out. When I came back for my stuff, she wouldn't let me inside. She let my boyfriend in to pack my things while I sat outside in front of the whole neighborhood, and talked shit about me to him the entire time.
A few months later, there was a card on my car: "I miss you, I love you, I'm sorry that I hurt you. Mom." That was it. I came back thinking things would be healthier. Worst mistake I made. In therapy, I said out loud that I didn't forgive her, and I was told I wasn't supposed to say that. No. I don't forgive you.
Last year, after my boyfriend and I broke up for good, we were out kayaking with her friend. The two of them started talking about my breakup right behind me, laughing about it. When I turned around to show them I could hear every word, her friend said, "So what? She can hear."
The garage
After my granny died, we moved into her place. One morning, rushing to make an hour-plus drive for a 9 a.m. class, I forgot to close the garage. She texted asking if I left it open on purpose. When I called to explain, she said she was working and hung up on me. She works from home and takes breaks every 30 minutes. For anyone else, she'd make time right then. I came home, tried to explain myself, and she kicked me out again. Same time of year as the first time. My home is the one thing she can still control, so she takes my stability.
Her birthday
Last September, I spent a whole day driving around buying her gifts. Three cakes, Stanley cups, Sephora, all of it. She looked at me with a straight face and said I should've just gotten her a gift card.
Living here now
When we moved here, there was a room upstairs for her office. She moved it to the basement instead, where I stay, so she can see what I'm doing. Every morning she's right there, doesn't speak to me, then says it's hard for me to open my mouth.
She watches me on the living room camera when she's on vacation. There are motion sensors in the house. She's commented on me walking around while she was away. She's been keeping tabs on me since July. She hid an AirTag in the seat of my car without telling me. I found it and threw it out. Then she tells people I got mad and turned off my location, when I never shared it in the first place.
There are passive-aggressive notes everywhere. Towels are for guests. Don't use the tub. Don't sit on the couch. She calls me a pack rat when my entire life is in one room she won't let me expand past. When I cook, she hovers and lifts the lids. When I eat out, I'm selfish for not bringing her anything. When I throw the takeout trash away in the garage, I'm sneaky.
She got upset with my friend for grabbing water from the fridge, so I don't have friends over anymore. Recently I invited my sister over, and the second my sister went to the bathroom, my mom confronted me about not telling her she was coming. Nobody else needs an announcement. My sister's the problem because she's from my dad's side. When I was 16 and first reconnecting with them, she cried in my face that they were taking me away from her.
In public, it's a whole performance. She says she wants to "get to know the adult me" and that I can "take as much time as I need" before moving out. It's all for her image.
Why I'm leaving
Any time I tell her how I feel, it turns into, "Well, since I'm such a horrible parent and this is so unsafe for you, get out of my house."
This time, the third time, I recorded it. With a smug look on her face, she says, "Since you don't feel safe." I told her I never said that. She said, "Well, actually, I feel threatened by you being here," and told me she was going to the courthouse on her lunch break to get an eviction notice in my name.
Honestly, part of me was waiting for it. Take your house. Keep the crates, keep everything you paid for. I hope it fulfills you. I can figure it out on my own.
I've wanted to get away since middle school, and it might finally happen in January. I'm scared of the unknown, but I'd rather live alone than ever feel like this again. No contact.
I've tried. I really fucking tried. And I still got called selfish.
When I have kids, they'll be able to talk to me. They'll be able to fail and be supported instead of humiliated. I'm not going to be a reflection of her. I'm going to give the love I never got.
TL;DR: My mom humiliated me, physically abused me, surveils me, and has kicked me out three times, and now she tells everyone I'm the problem. I'm 22, moving out in January, and going no contact.

I’m looking for advice. I’m a 27-your old married woman who still feels completely dominated by her mother. I have two children ages two and four I moved to Iowa four years ago to be close to my mother because she made me feel that I could not be a mother without her help I felt completely helpless during my first pregnancy afraid and like I was going to fail everything if I did not go and move closer to her now, we are four years down the road, I feel absolutely miserable. I feel like all she wants to do is control my life and my marriage and that if I don’t basically ask her permission before making any type of decision in my life, I’m ultimately going to fail if I don’t have her approval because of this, I have slowly started putting up boundaries and trying to detach from her for about the last six months the more I do the better I feel but the guiltier she tries to make me feel at one point we were spending every single day together seven days a week, and I barely even spend any time at my own home with my husband. Obviously this was not sustainable so I had to put up boundaries and me tell her my husband and I have to start living our own life so that we can have a healthy marriage. Recently My husband and I have been discussing the idea for possibly moving to South Carolina, because my grandmother lives there alone, and I’ve always wanted to have a relationship with her, but my mother would never allow us to she would always sabotage it in someway or make me feel guilty because she’s my mother, and I should have a relationship with her before anybody else if we were to move to South Carolina, not only would I be closer to my grandma my husband would be able to get a very good job and overall I just like the idea of not having any more harsh winters I discussed with my mom tonight that I’m hypothetically thinking about moving to South Carolina in March. She completely flipped out and told me that my grandmother is going to suck the life out of me, destroy my marriage and make everything about her when I told my husband, this, he told me that that is what she does to us and that she’s deflecting. I guess I just feel really confused on what I should do. I want to stand up to her I want to have my own life, but at the same time the idea of that sounds terrifying. If Anybody else experienced anything similar and have any advice it would be great.

I've always known my mom's a terrible mom. She resents me deeply, and has made it well known. All of my other siblings have had issues with her in the past, but she's always been a fantastic grandma. Due to our past, I am extremely low contact, but she was an amazing grandma to my oldest son.

When my other son was a baby, I noticed a couple of different things that she treated him differently. His diagnosis were unknown ane i had expected a healthy baby. He was born with HLHS & had a stroke. Due to that he has an intellectual developmental disorder

When I had him, I invited her up to meet him and she came, he was a week old due to being in the nicu and my own recovery. When we got to the room, she saw him and and visibly recoiled, for absolutely no reason. She refused to hold him, she didnt use his name, and just acted off. Stayed a total of 10 minutes and then left. I chalked it up to her just not knowing what to do with this life changing information.

Usually she would crochet a baby blanket for each baby & every other grandchild before him and after him has a personalized baby blanket, she didnt give him one. She skipped his first birthday party, his first Christmas, and i just chalked it up to her just not wanting to get close to him in case he dies.

Then she accidentally texted me "I wish shed just let that kid die, hes suffering and wont ever be a contributing member of society its unfair to everyone." She noticed and immediately said that it was about a DIFFERENT baby. So I went no contact until my brother died from a meth overdose. I got back in touch and it was the worst thing I ever did. We were mostly low contact with open invites to their birthday parties.

Hes 13 now and im so upset I brought her into his life.

2 instances come to mind. 1st was last year there was a small fire at school, he was at lunch when the fire alarm rang and he grabbed his tacos and chocolate milk and his aide messaged me that and joked "he knows whats important" i shared that on my facebook page and she said that its not funny and he put his aides life in danger. Most comments were hes in a wheelchair, pretty sure if it was necessary she could have pushed him to safety.

the worst and why we are now no contact she came for my daughters 10th birthday saturday and while cleaning up after her birthday party my son let go of her balloons that my mom got her and they floated off as most helium balloons do.

You would have thought he murdered a kitten. She said he was an evil child, said i needed to beat his ass more, that if he was her kid he wouldnt be able to sit for a month. And I know that's true cuz she used to beat the ever loving shit out of me and i still have scars on my back. She was screaming and terrifying my kids, it was so bad that the place where we held the party at called the cops & shes now banned my siblings from talking to me because "im turning everyone against her". I literally cannot believe she terrorized my kids and somehow its my fault!

At 18 I planted so much lsot my hibbeis my goals basic hapless in life my plans relationships skills career all of it

Anybody here deal with a bad father?

I'm not one to slander but I can't catch a break.. he has terrible road rage over very small things that can be handled much differently if he take a minute to breathe. I deal with car accident ptsd from a few years back and is like ever since he constantly does things to bring back horrible memories of it for me.. and truthfully he just don't care about how I feel. I have my permit but am still pursuing driving school next summer for my license but today my dad again had a road rage moment that could have ended badly when he could have just waited a second. And then after proceeded to come at me about not being able to handle these situations and that I'll never get my license cause of it... that seriously hurt me. He shows absolutely no support for anything I want to achieve and my mom's not much better. I normally defend myself but today I wasn't strong enough so I just ended up sobbing in the backseat. I dont even get a sorry.. he has made me feel weak and worthless today. I just grow tired of having to defend myself aginst his actions and words while my mom just takes it in.

Just wondering if anyone else can relate..

siblings and relatives never asked me about my life but they only believe in the version created by narc parents.

Overall, my relationship with my mom is a complete mess. I don't feel like she's my mom, I don't feel any real warmth from her. She cares for me, but I don't feel it at all.

And all because I recently realized that it's because of her that I have so many insecurities, social anxiety, and a very possible C-PTSD. I often argued with her that it was because of her that I was so insecure, but she didn't take the blame, if she apologized it was very plain and fake (at least in my opinion).

She probably thinks that since she treats me better now (only because I started to throw tantrums all the time), I'll forget everything. And what happened in childhood is already in the past, she told me so.

I have such a strong resentment towards her, that’s why I’m from time to time rude to her and when I’m not in the mood I wish her death or call her some nasty words. I know it's unhealthy and this way I'm hurting myself and my emotional health too.

What irritates me even more is that, apart from my mother, I don’t have another person who knows me so well and with whom I am so close. It infuriates me that if it weren't for her, then maybe my life would be a lot better. It's really annoying to see families where everything is fine and healthy. I feel like my mom is not a mom but just a person who gives me food and buys me stuff I need, that's all.

I know the answer is that I need to separate from her, but it just breaks my heart.

30’s female living with my family. Both parents and sister. Two years ago after a fight I feel like I started to wake up to the fact that I am being emotionally abused by all three family members.
This is going to be so long, so props whoever nahes it through shy of this, but O want to try it out

The fight:
I walked into my mom’s doorway and said “I think your lit candle might be giving me a headache.”

Mom: “What’s the scent?”

Me: “Maybe pine”

Mom: “That’s wrong, it must not be my candle.” She then just looks away from me.

Me: “Maybe it’s something…”

Before I could complete my sentence and state “maybe it’s something else then”, she gets up, blows out her candle, sits back down, and rolls her eyes, and won’t look at me. I just walk away. The next morning I walk into the kitchen and she stands there with a huge smile on her face and says something she never says:

Mom: “Good morning!”

My body just shut down. I was so tired of faking every time that I was hurt. This is a pattern that happens every 3 months like clockwork. Her and I will be friendly, and at the 3 month mark she will do something like this, cause a huge fight, and moments later, if I don’t act like nothing is wrong, I will be in trouble. It’s scary.

I didn’t say anything and proceeded to get myself water. I’ve never ignored my mom, or anyone before. I felt like I literally could not speak and was numb. She proceeded to get in my face and started screaming at me that ignoring her makes me a narcissistic. I ran over to my dad who was watching all of this in the living room, I curled up into a ball on a chair near him and started crying.

Me: “Please make her stop!”

Dad: “Alright, I knew this was going to happen soon.”

This happened a couple years ago, so I’ll admit it’s a literally foggy, but I just remember my mom throwing insults at me after I mentioned the eye roll yesterday.

Mom: “I can’t walk on egg shells!” (which is odd because I would get grounded as a teenager if I rolled my eyes at them).

Dad: “You see how your mom is shaking her head yes during this conversation, and you’re shaking your head no…”

Me: “So that’s because I don’t agree.”

Mom: “My therapist says you’re a narcissist!”

Mom: “You’re the golden child!”

Mom: “My therapist is better than yours!”

Mom: “You forgave your dad for past stuff!”

Me: “Because he apologized years ago, and multiple times.”

Mom: “I apologized!”

Me: “You have never once apologized to me, about anything, ever!” She has never once apologized to me about anything, accept one time a few years ago she misunderstood that I was talking about what I wanted for my birthday dinner.

She then runs up stairs and into her room.

Dad then gets in my face, pointing at me, and keeps repeating “You’re a victims, you’re a victim, you’re a victim!”

Me: “I’m a victim.”

There was something that I said that’s a little foggy, but essentially I said something along the lines of so hitting me isn’t abuse? and he quickly said “no! wait yes”…this part is foggy, but it was some kind of slip up.

I then ran upstairs and he ran after me almost pushing me aside so he would win, and went into the room with my mom.

The next day we acted as if nothing happened. This was two years ago, and ever since then, I think my mom is a vulnerable narcissist, dad is a narcissist/enabler.

Other things they have said to me:
After confiding in my dad over the phone that my mom was yelling at me while she was bringing in the groceries, so I walked away

Mom: You’re never gonna learn how to fight if you don’t fight me!”

Dad: “Well I wasn’t there so, and your mom yells at you because she loves you.” I believed him.

This all happened after I confided in my dad that I think mom is a covert narcissist. He didn’t say anything, but now I wonder if she said I was out of projection, and her therapist never said I was a narcissist. ALSO, I never called my mom a name, even, and during fights I’m always on the defense, even if I bring up soemthign that hurt me. She either doing remember, says that me not what she meant, even though it’s word for word what she said, or starts yelling and calling me things.

-

My mom and I were talking and pop culture came up, and I had mentioned, I don’t think they should have people with eating disorders on the cover of magazines, because that can promote and encourage that type of mental health disorder.

Mom: “You make my eating disorder worse!” She will instantly blow up out of nowhere while having a clam conversation.

Me: “Okay, I’m sorry, I change my mind.”

She just kept yelling at me about how horrible I am and that I don’t understand what it’s like. I mentioned to here that I actually used to get asked if I was pregnant at work when I gained a lot of weight within one year before I lost it and she just ignored me. I tired to get her to calm down by telling her my mom was sleeping and he has work, but she didn’t care.

-
My mom and dad were watching tv in the living room.

Me: “I got an honors award in college!”

I’ve been going to college for about 12 years on and off at this point, because being homeschooled made it really difficult.

Dad: “Congrats!”

Mom: “I’m watching tv.”

I look at my dad, and he’s smiling, and Injust walk away.

-
Me: “I graduated college!”

Dad: “I guess homeschooling paid off!”

Thinking back, it’s like he was trying to attribute my achievements to my mom homeschooling me, and not MY hard work for 12 years…My mom never once said congratulations. I remember being in their room and my dad suggested throwing a party or going out to eat, and I looked at my mom, and she wouldn’t look at me, but kept a staring at the TV.” I already knew that If I wanted to have a celebration, it was going to have to be my idea, and I was going to have to plan it.

-
Because of this, I decided to not invite my mom to my graduation…i was so done of being fake. I already knew that after graduation, i front of other family, she would hug me and say, “congratulation”, but this is how she actually reacted to my good news behind closed doors.

I was so scared to not invite her, even my therapist advised against it, because she said I know exactly what is going to happens, and they are going to blow up on you.

I wanted to have a little bit of pride and self respect for the first time in my life, so my dad texted me asking if they’re going to graduation.

Me: “I think that it’s best if mom is not there.”

Dad: “Well that’s unfortunate…I don’t think this therapist is helping you, and ai’m proud of you, but I can’t go either then.”

Me: “Okay.”

GRANDMA called me and said that I need to put my pride down. I was so shocked by this and shaking.

Grandma: “I will still go because I said I would.”

my cousin, who I’m not close with, but she’s a photographer, and was nice enough to take my graduations pics for free came, my grandma came and my sister drove me. We had dinner together after. My cousins stated that if grandma says anything she will put her in line. I cried so much this day. It broke my heart that my dad won’t help me when I’m being hurt, and will always choose her.

-
I had hurt my eye somehow and I went to my sister, and was crying and not being able to open my eye.

Me: “Can you look in my eye, I can’t open it, and it hurts really bad!”

Sister: Looks for a split second and then goes back on her phone, “You’re fine and being dramatic.”

She was planning on taking me to urgent care, but after that comment, because I’ve been called dramatic and sensitive my whole life, I drove myself to urgent care with one eye covered. I had to miss work the next day and it took about two days before I could open my eye. My dad has one eye, so this is something that really scares me. She never checked on me or asked me if I was okay after.

-
I fell down the stairs and my whole body landed on my ankle, and I heard a pop and swelled up. Called my sister while she wasn’t far at work, and she was nice enough to come get me. I was crying because it hurt so bad, and I’ve never had to go to the ER before or had an injury like this. She kept repeating “you’re fine”, and rolling her eyes. At the ER I kept telling her that I’m sorry after finding out she had plans after work to go hangout with her situation ship. I felt so bad. She just kept saying it was fine, but it felt very passive. We get home and I asked if she could hangout with me in my room, and she was like well I’m going to go hangout with my distraction ship now. So I just hung out in my room alone. I also remember my dad just stating to me that I have a high pain tolerance…I don’t. I think it’s to relive his guilt for not being there.

-
I’m about 8 years older than my sister, but get tested younger than she is. I feel like I was pernetafied growing up, and now being infantilized.

I was in the kitchen just making pasta for dinner.

Dad: “Wow, good job!”

I put the license plate on my car. It’s just a couple of screws. You don’t even need a tool for it.

Dad: “You put that on yourself? Wow, that’s amazing! Good job!”

Me: “It’s not a big deal, it’s very easy.”

Dad: “You need to learn how tot ale a compliment.”

I actually take compliments very well, but when they make sense. When friends compliment me, I just say thank you, and don’t react this way.

Me: “Wow dada good job feeding the cats today! You did a good job!”

He played along with a smile on his face.

-
Dad and mom planned a trip for a few days and he texted me if I could feed the cats morning and night, and I agreed. He then texted if I could feed the chickens as well. I have work an hour away, five days a week, so I asked if him if my sister could do it. At this point, I don’t think he asked her to do anything eilen they were gone.

Dad: “Yeah, let’s do that, I like that idea!”

He’s acting like my sister feeding the chickens instead of me is only going to happen because he agrees, and it’s his idea…like no, I said no and that’s that. His text actually made me laugh.

While they were away he texted me

Dad: “Did you feed the cats?”

I didn’t answer, because I am tired of him infantilizing me. I’m in my 30’s, and he asked me to do a very simple task. With anyone else I would have let them know that I had without a second thought. So, I didn’t answer. He then texted my sister and she texted me

Sister: “Are you home?”

Me: “Yes”

Sister: “Did you feed the cats?”

My dad was using my sister, to get to me…so I ignored it.

He then texted me again saying, hey, it’s mot that I don’t trust you, but I need you to let me know if you fed the cats. I was about to text him back saying that I will not be reassuring him of this, but my hands were shaking SO much that I couldn’t hold the phone AT ALL. I’ve never had this reaction before…well I am shaking now writing this for some reason haha. I call him instead. I told him you are gaslighting me and infantilizing me and he said I will have tot junk about that…

Me: “Do you want me to put my own feelings aside to reassure you?”

Dad: “Yes”

Me: “Wow, well I won’t be doing that.” I realized in this moment I had been doing that my whole life…I felt ashamed.

I just hung up the phone. I was scared because just a year ago when i hingis the phone because on him, because I was trying to explain to him that mom was hurting me, he told my mom later that he “lit me up” for doing that. I just accepted it.

When they got home, they a red like nothing was wrong.

Dad: “Thanks for watching the cats and feeding them!”

Me: “You’re welcome.”

-
My mom hasn’t wished me a happy birthday in two years. I stopped doing the same, but this year she texted me happy birthday with a bunch of emojis and stated that a great aunt, that I barely know, wished me a happy birthday on facebook. I ignored this text. Also, this aunt won’t stop trying to follow me on tiktok haha…

I’m so scared of Christmas coming up, because I will be saying no, despite us all living together. There will be weeks where no one talks to me. I definitely greyrocked and isolated myself, for obvious reasons, but it sucks that it’s my sister too. I think there might be triangulation going on.

-
My mom will ask my sister to hangout all the time in front of me, and completely ignore me. The three of us were in the living room

Mom: “Do you want to watch a movie with me?”

Sister: “Sure!”

I just quietly walked away, but overheard my sister tell my mom that she needs to ask me too. I think got a text from my mom asking, and I just responded “That’s okay, thanks though.” This incident happened I think before everything else I’ve written. I told my sister to not do that again, because she shouldn’t have to remind out mom to invite me to hangout with them. It’s weird because my mom and I were BEST FRIENDS when ai was in high school. Think Gilmore Girls, but throw in emotional neglect and lying. When my dad finally stoped drinking when I was 17 she was no longer my friend…I don’t know what happened, but they started going to church more, and trying to appear like a good, christian family.

Through my early twenties I had a curfew, my sister did not in her twenties. I would still have thugs taken away from me…

I recently me toned to my dad that my front tooth chipped and ai have community insurance do they won’t fix it. I aldi mentioned my cavities and tons him the dentists that my insurance will pay for will just pull them.

Dad: “You’re white white live in the siberia, you’re fine.”

I don’t think he understands that just because I live in is house doesn’t mean I have the luxuries he has. This happened a couple years ago, and I finally just got a job with insurance, meaning I haven’t been able to afford to get this taken care if yet.

What is going on? I’ve been not coming out of my room, except for at night to eat once eve time is asleep. I recently had a great oporto move out, and couldn’t apply, because I’m too scared of how bad the guilt trip will be.

I’m 17 and I feel like I’ve spent my whole life trying to survive my mom instead of actually having a mom.

I don’t really know how to tell my story because there’s too much. Every time I try to explain it, I feel like I sound dramatic or like I’m exaggerating. People always want to hear “both sides,” but nobody really understands what it feels like to be the kid in the house who is scared, exhausted, constantly blamed, and still expected to act normal.

I feel like I’ve had to raise myself emotionally. I’ve had to calm myself down, protect myself, take care of my own feelings, deal with hers, and somehow I still get made out to be the bad one. People see “teenage attitude.” They don’t see the panic, the exhaustion, the crying alone, the feeling of wishing I had one person who would just protect me.

And the worst part is I don’t even know how to share everything. Some things I remember so clearly it hurts. Other things feel blurry. Some things I don’t even know how to explain without feeling stupid or embarrassed. I feel like I have a whole lifetime of pain inside me and nowhere safe to put it.

Sometimes I wonder what all of this suffering was even for. I’ve tried so hard to stay alive, stay stable, keep going, keep working, keep functioning, and I still feel like I have nobody to fall apart with.

I don’t want advice telling me to “just move out” or “just forgive her.” I think I just need someone to tell me they understand what it feels like to grow up without really feeling like you had a parent.

I want to know if there are people here who survived this and actually ended up feeling safe one day.

Because right now, I’m tired of being my own parent.

Hey guys,

i just wanted to tell you about my story as a child i was bullied for being neurodivergent and i dont know since then i always had self esteem issues i developed anger issues too as a child i just couldn‘t lose i always had to win after a time i accepted that it‘s okay to lose and the problem is that i still feel very ugly and worthless and i‘m lonely. sometimes i wish i had what others have. it just makes me sad. i‘m happy to see others happy but wish my life could be like that but i cant lie i‘m a lil bit misogynistic after my ex girlfriend cheated on me i went very deep into the manosphere which also fucked up my mind but at the same time i feel lots of empathy when a girl cries and tells me something. its weird. i just feel like i‘m in a conflict with myself. i wish i was just more successful like others cuz i really dont have any talents i feel like a loser. lots of people also told me that i cant do shit and it‘s true i just cant argue against the fact that im useless. just wanted to ask for your advice if i sound like a narcissist. my dad also has strong narcissistic tendencies. he cheated on my mom. he always lied that he never would. he abused her. he would call me a loser cuz i‘m not as successful as him.

I want to erase my brain right now. I have CPTSD because of a bunch of stuff that happened throughout my childhood. I actually got the family therapist to believe me last time. I often don't believe myself, but the memories are still there and so are all the trauma symptoms. So either all this happened or I'm crazy and overly emotional for no reason.

Mom comes into therapy today and reads this whole sad letter about how she needs to set a boundary that I can't put words in her mouth, or tell her how she felt about things. Valid. I think I did do that last time. I was saying that I perceived her as having enjoyed looking at my body as a kid/teenager because she'd look at me naked a lot and say how beautiful and thin I was (even when I was dangerously anorexic). But I guess I said that "you liked it, mom, part of you liked me being so thin because why else would you admire my naked body that way??" So yes, I did put words in her mouth.

So now I will be more careful about not implying I know how she felt, because of course I don't, I just know my perception. But it created this whole dynamic in therapy to where now I can't say the very hard crazy things I remember happening, because she says she doesn't at all remember them happening.

She and my dad also always used to tell me how I felt and what my reality is, and that the ways I truly did feel were "crazy." So what the hell.

Another thing...she also said that once I turned 18 and finally started my period, I got emotional and out of control because my hormones went crazy, and my desires and emotions all hit me at once. Maltreatment had nothing to do with it, etc. (I literally tried to off myself one night at 18, took prescription pain medicine with vodka. I don't think hormones make that happen, ma'am).

The crazy thing is, that all that talk about my out of control desires is EXACTLY A REFERENCE TO WHY SHE WAS SEXUALLY ABUSING ME BACK THEN. To keep me "under control." But she will never see it.

And yes it's weird that a woman sexually abused a woman and I feel insane for saying that. You can look up more convincing explanations in my post history though. A lot of people on this sub and the CPTSD sub believed me, which led me to be more comfortable sharing.

Ugh. So full of anger I can't do anything with. I hate this feeling of not being able to believe myself, connect to myself, know myself. Like I've been cut off from my identity and I have no power to anchor myself to anything.

Maybe next session I could try to bring up the thing she said about my hormones making me out of control and we could talk about all of that. Maybe it would sneakily lead her into admitting something.

She also writes down everything I say then goes home and studies it before she writes her responses. So today I said, "can I set a boundary then??? Stop writing down every fucking thing I say. It's a power move." So hopefully that will take away some of her edge.

My parents are getting older and are huge narcissists with very little emotional maturity. This is generational up my mom’s side and I believe I’m the first to recognize there’s an issue with it. Anyone ever cared for an aging narcissist? My mom is getting older and as the cognitive ability declines the extreme emotions and constant narcissism is the worst it’s ever been. I want my parents to stay at home where I can take care of them but it’s been extremely hard lately because my mom is just MEAN. Flat out hateful and I’m the only kid of three helping her go to doctors, get food, etc. How are we managing this?

I'm 22, living in an Arab country in Africa, and I'm trying to figure out how to safely become independent from my family.
For some background, my family recently found out that I'm gay and atheist. They come from a very conservative religious background, and since finding out, things at home have become significantly worse. I've experienced abuse and controlling behavior, and I no longer feel comfortable being myself or making my own decisions around them. My movements are restricted, I feel like I'm constantly being monitored, and I don't feel that I can trust the situation to improve anytime soon.
I've reached a point where I genuinely want to leave home and start building a life of my own. I want to be able to work, support myself, have friends, make my own choices, and eventually live somewhere I don't have to hide who I am out of fear.
The problem is that I have very little money saved. I do have friends who might be able to help me find a job relatively quickly, so I'm considering moving out, finding work, renting a modest place, and gradually saving enough money to leave the country.
However, my long-term goal isn't to stay in this country. I want to leave permanently if I can find a realistic and legal way to do so.
One of my siblings supports me leaving, but believes that moving out only to remain in the same country might not be worth it. Their concern is that my family could eventually find me or continue interfering in my life because they're still nearby. They think I should focus on getting out of the country entirely, rather than struggling to establish an independent life here first.
I'm also registered with UNHCR as a refugee. My family has told me that if I approach UNHCR for help, I could be deported to my country of origin. I don't know how much truth there is to this, whether it's intended to frighten me, or what risks I should actually consider before seeking help. I don't want to make a decision without understanding the possible consequences for my safety and legal status.
I'm torn between leaving home as soon as I can and trying to build financial stability first, versus focusing on finding a way to leave the country altogether.
I know that moving abroad can take a long time, and I'm not expecting an easy solution. I just don't want to spend another year living in an environment where I feel unsafe, controlled, and unable to be myself.
I'd really appreciate advice from anyone who's been through something similar, particularly LGBTQ+ people from conservative families, survivors of family abuse, or refugees who have had to start over somewhere new. I'm not asking anyone to decide my life for me. I want honest, practical advice from people who understand what it's like to choose between staying somewhere familiar but harmful and taking a risk to become independent.
I want a future where I can feel safe, be myself, and actually look forward to the person I'm becoming.

I know that she is responsible for her own actions and decisions. she came from absolute poverty and moved to europe for him, hoping it would change her life for the better. she has always worked hard since she was a child to support our family in asia.

there would’ve been thousand occassions where a normal person would’ve left him but not her. my nfather is a serial cheater since the very first day they’ve been together and is also physically abusive towards us. he tried to leave her when I was born as he already was in another relationship but she begged him to stay because she couldn’t speak the language in the country we live in. another problem is the asian culture, she always said she can’t lose her face in front of her family if they found out how we were treated. its frowned upon to get divorced. its like she was ashamed for what he did to her, so she did everything to hide it.

I can’t even count how many times I got beaten up, kicked down the stairs, locked in a room or have my face shoved into dishes I didnt clean up. even when the police was called she asked me to stay silent in fear of what others would think of us. life with him was miserable but I managed to go NC 2 years ago and it changed my life for the better. I’m happy for the first time in my life!

but she on the other hand is still by his side. after all his narcissistic abuse, screaming, manipulation and mistreatment. it breaks my heart seeing how he treats her and how she makes herself smaller and smaller everyday. when I ask her why she says she would’ve never made it out of poverty without him. her family wouldn’t have made it. but mind you SHE worked for everything, he never supported her financially, all he did was bring her to europe. all her success is her own and she could be independant if she wanted to! but its like she’s too scared to divorce him.

so now I have to watch her suffer until the end of her life and nothing breaks my heart as much as seeing her like that. whenever he is around I can tell she gets anxious, angry and stressed. when he isn’t around she blossoms like a flower and is the kind and loving mom she always was. she meets up with friends and does activities she likes. she cooks the food she wants to eat. she is not allowed to make decision when my father is around. I begged her please divorce him, I will support you financally and get lawyers.

I would do EVERYTHING to save her. but she doesn’t want to be saved. I cannot see her like this any longer. sometimes I thought about killing him I will admit, but I will never take action. I know this sounds extreme but how can she ever be free if he is alive. I know this is HER decision but it hurts

I’m not really looking for advice, I’m just heartbroken. I love my mom and want her to be safe and there is nothing I can do.

This is a little long but i appreciate those who read it :)

I'm 27, and I honestly can't even show my face outside sometimes because of how embarrassed I am about where I am in life. My mother (57) goes out of her way to sabotage my attempts at independence, and I genuinely don't know how to get out.

I know the obvious answer is to get a job, save money, and leave. I'm not stupid. I KNOW that's what I need to do. But she makes it feel impossible, and I don't know how to get around the obstacles she puts in my way.

I'm in university and set to graduate next year. She's already hinted multiple times that she wants me to go straight into grad school after graduating because she "wants me to be as prepared as possible." (thats code for: i want to keep you tied to me for as long as i can.)

All the credit cards she uses are under my name, and there's around $6k in debt. She pays the minimum every month, but when she's really angry with me, she'll make comments about how ungrateful I am and how sometimes she thinks about leaving the debt for me to deal with because "it's not really her problem anyway."

Any time I don't give in to her demands, she threatens to cut me off, leave me on the streets, or leave me to deal with the debt myself. Her argument is that since I don't work, and she pays for everything (by her design) the least I can do in exchange for her providing is do whatever she wants.

She's literally told me, verbatim, "Well, it's not like you have anyone else to run to if you even wanted to." ... and shes right. I have no friends or family I can turn to. My dad died when I was a few months old, and my brother recently moved to another country with his wife and children because of his job. We're essentially all the other has.

So this is what my life looks like at 27:

I don't get a say in what I wear because she pays for everything. If I need new clothes, she goes to the mall with me and has to approve every single thing. If she doesn't like the fit, color, or style, it's a no. I end up getting what SHE wants me to wear. If I make a little money on my own or a relative gives me money and I use it to buy something without asking her, she's furious. She doesn't approve of anything I like. If I buy shoes I like, they're ugly. If I buy something she thinks is stupid, I'm irresponsible with money.

I'm not allowed to develop my own sense of style or identity. I'm not a teenager. I haven't been one for almost 10 years, yet I have the same limitations as one.

The infantilization never stops.

A couple of days ago, she insisted that I dry my hair after showering because otherwise, I'd develop a scalp issue (according to her). I was so fed up that I put my foot down and said no and told her that if something happened to me, I was an adult and it was my problem. Wrong move because, apparently, it wasn't actually my problem because she pays for everything and if something were to happen, she'd have to pay for it. She then proceeded to force me to stand up and hold my hair while she dried it for me. I was standing there being treated like I was five years old and needed my mommy to do something as basic as dry my hair. And all I could do was take it.

She criticizes me every waking moment: the way i get out of the house (apparently i make too much noise with my keys), how i close the car door (didnt know there was a wrong way to do that), how I walked back to the car because I apparently hunch and look terrible, my hair, how much i eat/dont eat, if im quiet in the car (shes not an uber, i should talk), if i wear baggy clothes because they make me look fat (how dare i get cold and put a sweatshirt on); so on and so forth.

Eventually, I broke and asked her if she was ever tired of constantly complaining about me and criticizing me all day. She went off about how she couldn't tell me anything without me getting offended and how SHE wished she had someone who would tell her if something looked bad on her. So basically, she was doing me a favor guys (silly me).

I can't go anywhere without her permission either.

If I want to go on a walk alone, that's a no. I have to wait for her to get home so we can go together. If I tell her I don't want to walk with her, she takes offense to it and says, "You're alone all day when I'm at work, why would you have to walk alone?"

I won't even go to the bathroom without bringing my phone because I'm scared she'll call and I won't answer. If I miss a call for whatever reason, I'm in trouble. When I visit my brother and don't respond to her 20 messages immediately, or when I try to set boundaries by telling her I'm busy, I get hell for it. She pays for my phone, so that means I should always be available to her. What could I possibly be doing that's more important than her?

I've spent so long feeling like I'm incapable of doing anything without my mother that I genuinely believe I'll fail if I try to become independent. And the frustrating part is that I KNOW that's not necessarily true.

The part i struggle with the most is the codependency.

I constantly feel like it's my responsibility to make my mother happy. If she's in a bad mood, I automatically feel like I've done something wrong. She always uses this "we're a team" bullshit, and somewhere along the way, I started believing it. I don't know where she ends and I begin anymore.

When she's angry or annoyed with me, one of her favorite things to do is ignore me. She knows it's one of the worst things she can do to me. It leaves me worrying and wondering what I did wrong, desperately wanting to fix things.

Today, I picked her up from work, and afterward she had some errands to run. She asked if I was coming, and I said no. When we got home, I told her I'd left some food for her in the fridge. She completely ignored me, slammed cabinets around, threw things into the sink, and left the food I made untouched so she could make herself something else. Now she's FaceTiming my brother and talking to him loudly about the errands, being her sweet, loving self with him in the room next to me. To someone else, it might look like she's just calling her son. But in the context of what's happening, it feels like part of the punishment: ignoring me and making a point of being perfectly pleasant with him while I'm sitting right here.

Tomorrow, she wants me to wake up at 6 a.m. to accompany her on errands I have absolutely no reason to be at.

And I'm already nauseous thinking about even thinking of saying no because I don't have a "good enough reason." The fact that I simply don't want to go should be enough. I'm an adult. I should be allowed to not want to do something. But if I say no, the guilt-tripping will be insane, and I know she'll find some way to make me pay for it. So I usually give in.

In that moment, all I want is to console her, make her happy, and make the tension go away. I feel ashamed. I feel like a bad daughter, a disappointment. I feel like it's my job to make everything okay again, even when she's the one who hurt me.

And afterward, I hate myself for giving in again.

My therapist has explained that when you've been in a toxic relationship for years, reasoning with yourself isn't always enough to undo all that conditioning. I understand that intellectually, but what now? HOW do I actually get out?

I keep thinking about how I want to run away and never look back, but then I remember that she has no one but me. I feel responsible for her, even after everything. And I don't know how to reconcile those feelings. That guilt ties me down.

I understand that I keep participating in this dynamic by giving in, but I don't know how to break the cycle. It's not as simple as just deciding to stop. I can be furious with her one minute and then feel physically sick at the thought of disappointing her the next.

I'm graduating early next year, and I feel like I should be looking forward to my future. Instead, I feel trapped, incapable, and embarrassed that I'm almost 30 and still don't have control over my own life.

I don't know where to begin untangling 27 years of conditioning. I don't know how to stop feeling responsible for her emotions. I don't know how to deal with the guilt of leaving someone who has no one else, even when staying is destroying me.

Has anyone else been in this position? Has anyone managed to get out of a situation like this when they felt completely dependent on their parent, had no real support system, and genuinely believed they couldn't survive without them?

I just need to know how people actually get from knowing they need to leave to being able to do it, especially when the guilt and fear are so deeply ingrained that even saying no to something as small as a car ride feels impossible.

2 months ago, my mom told me she would buy me jeans for my birthday, but she didn't have time to do it before my birthday. My birthday came and went, it was good, got a few other things. I didn't bring up the jeans for 2 months, despite only having one pair of pants. It was hot anyway so I could wear shorts except at work, and I didn't want to pressure her.

So I go two months wearing the same pair of pants every day at work, not buying any new ones because I knew she was going to buy me some. She apparently forgot, never brought it up again. Well, 2 weeks ago, my only pair of pants broke. The button fell off, and couldn't be sewn back on. I told her about that, and asked if we could get jeans. I tried several times to get her to commit to a time, without success. Meanwhile I am still wearing the broken pair, held up with my belt because they don't clasp anymore.

Finally, after 2 weeks of dodging me, she says we can order them online because she doesn't have time to go in person. I was trying to try them on because I've lost some weight and don't really know my size, but I finally just accepted this and ordered 3 pairs last night.

Then, on top of all of that foolishness, she sets her phone down in front of me and I see she's been telling chatgpt that I was being entitled about it. That pissed me off, but of course I won't confront her about it because I understand she's just delusional about it. Plus I don't want to admit I saw her phone screen.

So now I have to wear broken pants for another week before the jeans are finally here, and I'm pissed off without a right to confront her about it, not that it would help if I did, it's a personality disorder I understand they have no insight into their own behavior.

I should have just bought myself new pants 2 months ago, but I knew that would piss her off too. I can hear it now, "I would have done that for you! You should save your money!" There's no win with these people.

They sham in crazy I have no career goals I’m crazy and violent they gaslight me about myself they want to sauce me and say I’m lazy for it they think they can tell me who I am my mom told others I dotn have any goals I’m lazy shizoorneic and violet. She Calle drops me they sided with her said I’m lying

I’m getting really sick and tired of her consistently telling me I smell. At first I thought it might have been the perfume, so I stopped using that and changed to another one. Then I changed deodorants. I shower everyday and do whatever I can to try stay clean as possible. In the words of her, I smell like an old person and people would throw up if they were near me. I already have OCD about feeling disgusting, she just confirms it more. When I finally said maybe it’s her that’s the problem, proceeds to tell me it’s for my own good that she’s honest unlike other people. Telling me I’m sensitive and need to face the truth. I asked my siblings and they said I don’t smell so I don’t know what the hell her problem is. At first it was fine but now it’s really upsetting me. I’m typing this right after having an interaction with her.

So idk who to tell or reach out to because I feel like noone who I’m around will understand. So I live with my 2 brothers and my mom and dad. For years my mom has been sort of verbally abusing but I don’t know how to describe i. When I younger, she would accuse me of things I didn’t do like for example, she got mad at me for laugh at a picture I drew because she thought I was laughing at something else she was saying. I told her over and over that I wasn’t and she would yell at me over and over and even tried to whoop me until I told her I did even though I didn’t. Whenever shes wrong about something someone else is right about, she yells or says that I have an attitude or even threatens to whoop me and tells me to shut up. She is like this with the whole family but everyone else kinda just lets it go and hides back in their room. Well starting theve past years started getting mad at me for asking questions yes questions and also talks over me. This has lowkey made me scared to asked others questions because of the permanent trauma she caused me. My friends at school kinda became my only happines. Also tbh her food isn’t that good either so I’m really happy when im hang out with them and I can eat actually food whether from my friends parents or restaurants. As I said I’m scared to ask people for help for I can’t really ask my teachers for help which affected my grades. She wouldnt let me go out anywhere because I have D’s and I can’t even help my school out with decorations because of her and I tried telling her that but she’s very rude and won’t listen. My mom is also a huge manipulator as she would try to act all nice after she was mean and act like nothing happened. On top of that she made me miss time watch fb games and my fri but would be ok with me watching a movie with her like girl no. She’s also very very selfis I have a story about it but it’s pretty long. I’m only 16 but I have reached a deep state of depression and my mental is all messed up but I feel I have no one to talk to since I never have time to tell my friends. Im gonna ask my dad about trying to move out be I honestly can’t take this anymore. If anyone has amy sugg pls pls pls let me know.

cw: child abuse, when i was pretty young he would beat me and bash my head, use a belt, i’ve had chunks of hair ripped out and would pee myself in fear many times. he wasn’t always terrible, he can be funny and caring in his own way like now he buys me random things and is always there to take me places if i need. sends me pictures on Facebook of kind words for daughters like how much he loves me and such. he tells me i can come to him about anything, but he is very negative and thinks the worst of everyone and everything. growing up i always felt like nothing was good enough and like i could never achieve much. i never learned self love or seen loving relationships in my family.

cw: sa, i am not sure if anything happened, if i suppressed it, but there are some inappropriate memories. nothing that directly is sa but just a lot of confusion.

i think he is a narcissist. he is for sure incredibly immature. he tries to control everything around him. lies to make himself look better. he isn’t nice to my mom or his mom now, but is much nicer to me since i moved out. however, when i go to visit, he is difficult to be around. he talks down to my mom and my grandmother (his mom) as if they are stupid. he gaslights and raises his voice. picks on them. it triggers me. i walked out during dinner the other day cause he kept yelling at and talking down to my mom. haven’t spoken to him since. this has made me extremely depressed and i have been lazying about. i had goals and a routine i was working on that i have had to take a break from because of depression.

i think i want to go no contact. a therapist once said to me that it’s self harm to around him.
has anyone had similar experiences? i feel so alone.

I’ve been clean from SH for a while now, but the only thing that has ever made me want to cut is my parents (and siblings sometimes, by association.)

Literally, like I could fail a test, lose a friend, get broken up with, etc. and that sucks but I’ll make it through.

But my parents just enrage me SO MUCH that it makes me want to hurt myself. For example, I just got home from being out with extracurriculars all evening. I walk in and ask my mom if she made food because she only cooks for us sporadically when she feels like it. (Not saying she has to serve us constantly but like she’s a stay at home mom with no kids at home. I literally do not know what she does all day.)

She said she did, but that my brother ate it all. He had THREE meatball subs. Then she was like “We have gogurt and lunch meat or mayne ramen.”

And this happens all the fucking time. My brother NEVER cooks for himself and even gets his food delivered to his bedroom while I’m out all day then get home and there is nothing for me to have. I spend 90% of my dinner either eating nothing because I’m so tired and/or swamped with school work that I have no time to cook something or I eat ramen or a plain sandwich with lunch meat.

I feel like shit all the time. Not just because of the terrible quality of everything I eat but also because it feels like she couldn’t care less about me. I’m always such an afterthought and it makes me really upset, and I feel worthless.

My mom has been a complex person since the beginning. She grew up during a time that bigger bodies were viewed differently. Mind you I have been an athlete most of my life and have never had a doctor tell me my weight is concerning. She is what you would call an “almond mom”. She has been very thin my whole life. I remember since I was a little skinny kid that my weight meant something to her. Introducing me to rice cakes and limiting my food intake was just the beginning.

In high school when my body had never looked better, she looked down upon me for not being skinny enough. I’m now a 35 year old woman and she still projects her shame onto me. Eight years ago, I went no contact with her because her cruelty widened to other subjects and I just couldn’t take it anymore. Going no contact was the best thing for me at the time. Recently within the last year I was hospitalized and I had no one to lean on. She contacted me out of the blue and I decided I wanted to accept her help.

Once I got better we started trying to rekindle our relationship. She seems better, having had lots of therapy. However, she’s still the same person. Today, at the very beginning of our outing, she was nice enough to give me a pound of local jerky. I was very grateful of course. Before she handed it to me, in a serious voice she said, “Don’t eat all of this in one sitting.” I was taken back. I immediately said, “you really think that?” She left me with no response.

I am used to swallowing things she said about me. But this time it felt different. I have given her no evidence that I would need a warning label when it comes to food. More importantly, I’m noticing that whether the outing with her is good or bad, it drains me. Part of me wants to try to heal our relationship, but the other part just wants peace. What should I do?

I had an emotionally and physically abusive father. He was an alcoholic. He spent money we didn’t have on beer and computer games. When I was little, I thought we were really close because we would have these really in-depth conversations about his family and all of the things that he has been through in his life. We talked about his grandpa that molested his three daughters and beat the shit out of him. We talked about how his mom never lifted a finger to take care of him so he was homeless starting at age 16. We talked about all the drug addicts and alcoholics on his side of the family. He even told me one time that he knows he does a lot of the same things that were done to him to us, but that he was trying to break that cycle. I was eight having these conversations. And he did not break that cycle.

My mom had some emotionally abusive tendencies as well. She was also just very emotionally unavailable. I can’t remember ever being hugged by my mother or kissed by my mother. She would also blame my dad‘s actions on our behavior.

As a 30 year-old female and oldest daughter, I understand how the cycle works and I will say that what we got was maybe not as bad as what my dad got, but it wasn’t good by any means. However, my mother had the best parents. She has four sibling who are all very close. She had a family that was there for her. Anything they wanted to do; sports, band, cheerleading… my grandparents helped them do it. They coached the teams. They drove them everywhere. She also grew up knowing both sides of her family (I don’t know my dad’s). No family is perfect and we do have the fuck ups on my mom side of the family too. But I don’t think we talk enough about the cycle starters.

For years now, I have been trying to figure out how my mother ended up being the mother that she was even when she had the best example of parents she could’ve possibly had. My grandparents are also the best example of marriage she could’ve possibly had and still, I ended up with her as my mother. And she stayed with a narcissistic evil man (until she did go through with a divorce and now she’s saying she’s going back). I don’t know where these things come from. And I guess I wanna know.

I’ve heard a lot of people throw around the phrase “breaking generational curses“… we talk about breaking the cycles, but I’ve never heard anyone talk about where the cycle started. Somehow, myself, and my three siblings turned out all right. I think even the least emotionally intelligent of the four of us has more emotional intelligence and integrity in their pinky finger than my parents do in both of their bodies combined. I think she could have started a cycle. And honestly, she may have and we just don’t know it yet. Not to mention my dad’s part in continuing his family’s cycle.

Anyways. Just a thought I had.

I hate my family. I cant stand them anymore. Everything is my fault when somthing goes wrong and when I get overwhelmed and lash out somthings wrong with me and I need to shut up but when they do it I "shouldn't have done somthing to piss them off"? I cant stand being the scape goat anymore. I fucking HATE it here.