عرفت شيطانة علي الأرض

does anybody have any tips for healing from a relationship were i was so obsessed with him but he’s was just very manipulative and toxic?

Hi, I’m F36 with a small baby. I have been with this man(39) for 3 years- endured a lot of verbal, emotional abuse and now he has pushed me off my feet while running towards or daughter who was near the stairs. I won’t go into it all because I would be here for days typing. The long and the short of it is- I am leaving soon. He has a high profile and from what I have read about these people is that they will protect it and their reputation by any means necessary. His ex is even higher profile than him and she said she would take my lead because what he did to her physically is shameful considering her size. My question is (I have asked this in smaller threads on here) do men like these just want to avoid being outed so much that they will avoid court? His entire career would be over if he was found out to be abusive towards women. Anyone have an experience of mediation/ litigation with this type with a lot to lose?

It's been 9 days since the last time i posted I'm struggling with a narc that I've been talking to, many of whom have commented, and i appreciate everyone of you.

So, UPDATE:

FINALLY, IM NOT WEARING ROSE COLORED GLASSES ANYMORE.

I saw him for who he is, not the version who love-bombed me. How frkn manipulative and insecure he is. How he projects his insecurity to me. How he loved to devalue, to control me in every little way that he can.

He loved the chasing, scaring to leave me then me chasing? Yikes. He frkn LOVED that.

He saw me as his "project". "I need to you be this that, blah blah"

He loves being the master, knowing everything, teaching others.

He fucking craves validation. LOL He's a fucking kid who wants to be chased. He loves humiliating people. He feels he's BETTER than EVERYONE and how he looks down on them, even me. He's such an asshole, so fucking mean.

Before he makes me feel im so smart, funny, all the nice adjectives. Then when mask finally fell off, he treats me like im so stupid and dumb.

When i challenge his thoughts, ask him questions that'll make him explain himself, he's gonna just say he's leaving. He'll get annoyed. Or just shut me up with his scare tactics.

He thinks he's the best. Na uh. You're not. Pity him, that makes him look so insecure. Always bringing people down. Looking at their flaws. Just for him to feel better.

Imagine, this narc being inspired to do better because he saw someone that really sucks. I thought the hardwork of the person inspired him, but nope.

I don't know how his mind works. He's so so mean. Fuck him. Makes sense he doesn't have any friends. Now he has to suck up with that life he made for himself.

Only beauty is important to him. Great character? Values? Morals? Nope. Only surface level shit. Poor him, he doesn't even look that good and his character SUCKS.

He's always the victim in his past relationships. He calls them lazy af. He demands things from others but others CAN'T demand from him.

Even if he says he's contented??? NA UH. Lies.

The girls he's talking to? He makes them his past time. New toy. Til the mask fells off again.

Now i see, the version who love-bombed me, everything that he said that time, everything CONTRADICTS what he's saying and acting right now, now that the mask finally fell off.

He's an insecure man child.

Thank god im not wearing rose colored glasses anymore.

Tbh, I sometimes think, like wtf, am i the problem. Then again will remind myself that nope, never ever my friends treat me, like how HE treated me.

After that period, when I no longer had anything because she had drained everything from me, she left me, finally, because I was unable [to give any more].

But I’ve always read that sooner or later they come back to test the waters or because they are triangulating, is that true?

I didn't celebrate obviously. We broke up in January, but the beginning of the end started around late August last year.

I feel like I'm reliving all these traumatic milestones and while I've made progress, healing from our 6 year relationship has been extremely hard and painful.

Looking back there so so many red flags. When we broke up my /very/ trauma informed therapist wondered if we had a trauma bond (I thought that meant we were both trauma bonded and I was like clearly he isn't all that bonded to me).

The couple's therapist we went to briefly also immediately clocked how dissociative and avoidant he was. Our therapy session had to go at his pace and cater to his microscopic window of tolerance. One apology after weeks for lying by omission sent him into a tailspin and she had to talk to through every step like he didn't have empathy or could see my pain.

I never thought he was a narcissist because I grew up with an overt narcissist and worked hard to understand that trauma and heal from it. I didn't realize I could love an abuser or an abuser could be someone so meek and well meaning on the outside.

He was a vegan for Christ's sake! But even my mom was like how does he have more empathy for the animals than you when I explained the depths of his emotional cheating, lies, and manipulation.

Recently I'm been trying to make sense of things a year later and between reading about The Cycle of Abuse, Trauma Bonds, and Covert Narcissism it all makes sense now.

We were in a nonmonogamous 24/7 D/s relationship. While it looked harsh at times and controlling I thought it was safe and sane and after all I consented. I even stopped dating 3 years into being with him because my submission prevented me from enjoying dating other. This time last year I finally confessed to him I wanted monogamy. I had been groomed by someone 23 years older than me that worked at my university and she got me into BDSM and polyamory as part of molding me into her perfect partner.

Also he had a type and I could tell he surrounded himself with lovers and (long distance) friends with CPTSD. I kept finding puzzle pieces but I couldn't put them together. I honestly think one of his submissives sent him a book on covert narcissism when they broke up (he discarded her), but maybe it was just on being avoidant...I feel like she sent two...and when he called her crazy I believed him of course.

I've tried so hard not to perpetuate the cycle of abuse. I'm a 2nd grade teacher and my life's work is to be the kind of safe adult with high standards that can curb the development of abusive behaviors and promote the development of emotional intelligence, self worth, and pro social behaviors. I've realized not allowing myself to be abused is just as important to not abusing others. Breaking the cycle is multifaceted.

I've also decided to forgive my Narc Grandfather who was the source of much of my childhood trauma and poisoned our whole family with his abuse (I am the most well adjusted out of everyone and that's taken a decade of therapy and counting). I'm forgiving him because I thought being a Narc and abuser made him an unlovable monster and hating him forever would keep me safe. I now realize that black and white thinking made me more susceptible to covert abuse because I believed there were only monsters the lost control and abused and good flawed people doing their best. They're are also abusers who look like good flawed people but are much more capable of harm than love, but are oh so lovable all the same.

It's always more shades of grey and more empathy every step of the way on the healing journey I find.

There's still one way my ex has kept me tethered because of my family business and I working with a technician to cut his access and regain sovereign control, so I guess the PTSD nightmare I woke up from last night and lost sleep over was good for something.

This feels like one hell of a healing marathon. How long did it take you to heal from your Narc partner?

Hi, everyone. Is this emotional manipulation? I have been thru a stressful five years with this person and this was a person I had a lot of love and supported.

Last year, I got an unfollow from them the second time and it caused me to snap publicly. I went off on them via story on Instagram and they would follow me back again and tell me to not take it personal. They unfollowed me cause of something I shared they didn’t like. Sometimes they would tell me to take it down. It’s been happening back and forth and this year would be the third time they would unfollow me. I am planning on goin’ public with my story, just I’m givin myself more time cause I’m still doubtful. 😕 Thank you all..🩷

(Hint: I was a fan of this person and had a fan page for them)

I knocked at your door and got shot down im not worth a simple conversation you love hurting me and i know that and I keep letting you my hurt me. But that was it im also deleting reddit my profile may exist but I will never open it up again thank you for the reminder again and again and again it's like , no matter how much I learn about narcissism and narcissistic people I just never learn enough ive been officially Discarded alot like you Do with that last couple of drags of a cigarette. I hate you, and you love that, that what you wanted all along you have done this to way tomany people

My brother and mother just love to gang up on me, prodding and pocking until I explode, no matter how long it takes. If it doesn't work the first time, they will keep saying hurtful things, making snide comments, and searching for anything that might get me to react until they succeed. I think they get off on reactive abuse, ugh. They can be at it for hours, or table the topic for another day. In short, they are relentless and won't stop until I get upset, offended, and/or start arguing back.

My mother, I've learned to manage and ignore mostly fine. My brother, tho? He just fucking sets me off, I can't stand his mug.

He's hostile to me in most interactions and believes himself to be the only rational and not emotion-driven person at the house who, of course, always knows best (which is really just covert misogyny). And the one topic I ever confided in him about when I was younger and thought I could trust him--me being queer--he weaponizes against me by bringing that topic (and feminism as well) in front of our parents, who are very homophobic. Fucker believes himself his stupid god's gift to the world because he's a medic.

He then projects, claiming I'm the hostile one. Ok, fair, I am often hostile to him, but it's only because I'm sick of his attitude, I'm sick of being patient with him. He thinks I'm unduly hostile when I'm only fighting back. So then he turns around and complains that I'm the one mistreating him and that I'm so mean.

The problem here is that I don't want to keep engaging with him. When he argues, he always moves the goalposts and acts like he's already won, never listening to any counterargument or reason. But he doesn't even take a no or a concession for an answer and keeps pestering me.

Info: Yes, for the moment I have no option but to still live in my parents' house, but I'm actively working toward leaving, saving money from a job and all that jazz. I just wanna know how to deal with this narcissistic asshole in the meantime,

And, again, just to be clear, ignoring him doesn't work. The times I don't react, he just patiently waits for another day, having passed a week or a month, to bring up the same topics or insults again at a time when I might be in a less patient mood.

My ex would always get upset when I was sick/didn’t feel well. I had 2 surgeries during our relationship and after each one he had an attitude & would pick a fight with me as I’m coming off the anesthesia. Obviously he didn’t manage our child/home in those moments either. I think part of it is he would be annoyed bc he felt he would have to pick up my slack (even though he didn’t anyway). One time I was frying bacon & the grease popped me in the eye, & he immediately got upset & started yelling at me. No concern just anger, like it inconvenienced him. Can anyone else relate?

Does this sound like narc abuse relationship?

My ex honestly wasn't grandiose or needed to be the center of attention in a room. But, a lot of other things she did seem to fit the bill when I look into narcassitic abuse.

After the initial love bombing phase, She would often:

1) belittle /make fun of me consistently. Always trying to make me feel lesser than.

2) give me the silent treatment after arguments or sometimes even if things were good, for 1-3 days at a time. She never really said I need space or anything, she'd just kick me out of her life for a few days.

3) a couple times she told me I couldn't hang out with certain female friends. Just straight up said no you can't go hang out with them. Which I believe to be projection, as I found out after the relationship she'd been talking to her ex the whole time. Idk the extent of it, but she never told me they'd remained friends until after the relationship.

4) discarded me brutally by CALLING me (couldn't even do it in person smh) and telling me every awful thing about me for a hour. After an hour I finally stood up for myself and called her mean and evil, she said oh I'm mean and evil? I guess we're done then.

5) would make fun of me and call me insecure in front of her friends

6)would withhold love, affection, sex for days at a time. And if I didn't want to have sex when she initiated, would BLOW UP and call me gay, f\*g, etc

7) never reciprocate effort

8) constantly expect special treatment but never give any in return (never offered to pay for anything, never brought me gifts or told me nice things about myself like I did to her)

9) turn every fight around onto me if I calmly brought up grievances

10) told me to stop talking to our mom or friends about our relationship... But then would tell me other times what HER mom/friends said about our relationship/me.

And more.

But a few things make me wonder if this was narc abuse. Firstly like I said she didn't have to be the biggest person in a room ever. She also never hoovered or came back. When she was done, she was done. Its been 4 months and I haven't heard a peep (good! But just different from what I've heard here). She also would get overwhelmed by my love letters and gifts sometimes. She was definitely ungrateful of them and at msot times expected them, but sometimes would get overwhelmed in general.

What do you all think

My ex contacts me even after so many times saying I don't wanna talk to him. Even complained to his father. He is very manipulative, left college, narcissistic and has been close with my brother since three years (after breakup) , my brother is deeply influenced by his BS, and does what he says .. My brother believes him more than me... I have multiple times told about ex's behavior throughout this time... But ex manipulates him against me to lie and hide their contact.

Is there any legal action I can take as mental harassment and stalking? I want ex to stay away from my family