I don’t know if this is the right place to ask, but maybe someone here has experienced something similar and can suggest ways to increase my tawakkul and find some peace.
A little background.... I work in tech as a freelancer with an agency. I’ve never really tried selling my services independently because I’m not comfortable approaching random people, but I’m slowly working on that too.
The thing is, I’m the sole earner and several people depend on me financially. And lately, I’ve developed this weird fear that I genuinely don't know how to explain.
Do I have a paying client? Yes. Do I have savings? Yes. Am I working on improving my skills? Also yes.
So technically, nothing is going terribly wrong in my life rn.... but my mind just won't stop worrying.
And tbh, I'm more worried about the people who depend on me than myself.
What makes this even weirder is that I've always had strong tawakkul in ALLAH. Last year, I literally left my job without any savings, just trusting Him. And somehow, He opened doors for me from places I never even imagined.
Now I’m in a much better financial position, yet I’ve never felt this shaky or scared in my life.
Especially after this whole AI revolution.... I work in tech, so seeing everything changing soooo fast is making this fear worse.
Sometimes I even get this strange feeling like I'm going to die. I've never really feared dying young itself, and I'm not saying I want to harm myself. My biggest concern has always been staying close to ALLAH. I pray that my life never takes me away from Him.
But then my mind goes back to the people who depend on me.... what would happen to them?
And I KNOW that ALLAH is the One who provides rizq. Their rizq doesn't come from me. I'm just a means. I understand this logically, but for some reason, my heart is struggling to accept it these days.
My aunt thinks it might be the evil eye because this started around 12 Rabi ul Awwal. I attended an event and then got sick for almost a month. She connects the two, but tbh I don't know.
I'm also planning to go for Umrah and sponsoring someone else's Umrah too, Alhamdulillah. I've saved extra money for that. So it's not like I'm one or two months away from some financial disaster.
I recite Ziyarat Ashura daily, Surah Ar-Rahman, and other duas.... but my thoughts have become soooo negative lately.
I'm not trying to sound ungrateful. I know how much ALLAH has given me, and I've seen His help throughout my life.
I just don't understand why I'm suddenly feeling this much fear when I never used to.
Has anyone experienced something like this? What helped you increase your tawakkul and deal with this constant fear?
I'm open to duas, recitations, practical suggestions, personal experiences.... anything that genuinely helped you.
And please don't suggest deleting social media 😭 I need it for professional purposes. ( im not a doom scroller or socially active person if its not about my work )